But I Love Him
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But I Love Him

3.75 of 5 stars 3.75  ·  rating details  ·  3,427 ratings  ·  464 reviews
Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him.

It's too bad I didn't keep any piec...more
Paperback, 245 pages
Published May 8th 2011 by Flux (first published May 1st 2011)
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Sandee (The Whimsical Reader)
“What would you do if the one person you want comfort from is the one who cause you pain? How can you want to desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?”
- Ann, But I love Him

Ann loves Connor.
Connor loves Ann.
Only problem is when Connor’s temper rises, Ann gets hurt.

How does he hurt her?





But why does Ann stay?

Because she loves him.

But I love Him is an emotional story about a girl who was in love w...more
Emily May

I'm not sure if But I Love Him would have touched me as much if the subject matter wasn't something that has affected someone close to me throughout their life, and therefore, had a huge effect on myself. I'm not going to publicly post details but a person who was very important to me went through a similar ordeal with domestic abuse with even more violent conclusions. I saw first-hand how someone could be so wrapped up in a relationship that they didn't see how much it was harming them. There...more
I love the concept of this book. It is the story of one girl and the boy she loves who abuses her ~ told in reverse chronological order.

As the book begins, Ann is at the height of the abuse, has completely sold out of her previous life to be with Connor, and the relationship has consumed her. As the book continues, it slides back through time, showing the relationship in reverse. (with the exception of the climax/resolution, which is sprinkled through the reverse narrative and saved up for the...more
Aug 16, 2012 ✿Alyssa✿ rated it 1 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Absolutely Nobody.
Shelves: 1-star
This review was posted at My Secret Romance

To sum it up: Tonight was so much worse than anything before it. Tonight he didn't stop after the first slap.

At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved-and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him,...more
Intense. Scary. Heartbreaking.

Unlike other book about abusive relationships that I've read, But I Love Him is told in reverse order. When the book begins we seen Anna at her worst possible low, and as the story progresses... or rather regresses we witness how Anna comes to be in this place.

It was brilliant on Amanda's part to tell the story this way, often times it easy to think, why didn't they just walk away, why didn't they move on.... it seems easy until you're there yourself. You see Anna...more
Rating: 4.5 stars

Favourite Quote: It's nearly dark. How long have I been lying here? The blackness reaches the corners of the room and fills everything. Once that darkness was cocoon, enveloping us and protecting us from everything outside the door. Together, we hid in the dark, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace.
But nothing can protect me now, least of all the darkness.

But I Love Him is a completely absorbing tale. When I picked it up I only intended to have...more
"But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong."
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)

After reading "Bitter End" last weekend, I recieved this in the mail and decided to go for it. It was much better than "Bitter End".

The writing in this was amazing. It was just so beauti...more
I'm trying not to judge them her. I'm trying my best not to be disappointed in her choices. And with BUT I LOVE HIM beginning as it did~ at their end, I did have to hold onto my judgments thoughts, and see what led themto where they were.

But having witnessed this reverse mix of start, end, and in between, I'm still not a hundred percent sure about what to think BUT I do know what I feel: pissed off, unsure about my disappointed then finally, relieved.

Pissed off at whom though? Because if we're t...more
But I Love Him by Amanda Grace is one big gimmick that doesn’t work because of poor writing and bad execution. Amanda tried to do something very creative with the storyline by writing it in reverse chronological order. The story begins at the end, over the course of a year for Ann and her abusive relationship with her boyfriend Conner. Ann has been beaten and bloodied and left with a broken wrist by Conner. We then go back over months and the days to the beginning of when Ann first met her unbal...more
Book 19 for 2011. This is a hugely intense book I was unable to put down. The author chooses to tell the story backwards, and at first this threw me. Yet, when I reached the end, I was sold on the fact that to convey the message, this was exactly the right way to tell the story. Highly recommended for girls seventh grade and up, fans of realistic fiction or not.
Shannon (aka Readergirl)
Wow. I usually try to write my review within 24 hours of reading a book. With this one, I had to wait. It was just impossible for me to do it immediately after reading the book because I was just speechless. I wouldn't have been able to articulate my thoughts on this one at all, as it got to me on so many levels.

First, I'm sure you can see from the opening sentence of the Goodreads summary that this story is about abuse in a relationship. I actually didn't realize that when I picked it up. This...more
Whew! What a whirlwind of heartbreak this story was! I had my eye on this book for a while now and finally decided to purchase it. It actually arrived yesterday and I was determined to finish it before slumbering last night. This was an easy task since the book held my attention until the very end.

Gosh, as I sit here to write this review, I still cannot wrap my head around it. I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head, so please just bear with me.

The book starts off in the pre...more
I'm sorry but can I just say I absolutely loath everyone who is writing reviews such as "why didn't she just leave". People are so ignorant it's disgusting. You would think after everything we've been taught in psychology, school in general etc. we'd understand abusers/victims better. But our society still disgusts me with their 'it's the victims fault to'.

I loved this book. The way it was written was very interesting. At first I was confused thinking it was misprinted and I grabbed a fluke cop...more
Alex Bennett
I admit I was a little scared to read But I Love Him. Yes, scared. It just seemed so… intense. And it was, but that didn’t make me love it any less. This book was fantastic, beautiful, and heartbreakingly brilliant.

The story is told in a very unique way, starting at the end and going backwards, showing readers how Ann’s life spiraled out of control. I thought this gave this book something very different, and it helped me to not judge Ann for her decisions, as I didn’t know the reasoning behind t...more
I felt the book read more like a diary than an actual novel. She was telling her story.. and thats pretty much it. The story in general is one we hear all too often both personally and in the media, and I will admit I could relate to a few situations myself. But I couldn't get passed the excuses she kept making for her boyfriends actions. It was a little too annoying for me, and I just plain didn't enjoy reading it. This book gets two stars from me, quick somewhat emotional read, but really lack...more
"You hit me once, I hit you back,
You gave a kick, I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head
Then I set fire to our bed."- Florence and the Machine, "Kiss with a Fist"

Setting:Washington; 2011

Coverly Love?:While I appreciate the significance the cover has within the context of the story, it is too simplistic for my taste.

Plot:Ann and Connor are in love.. or o she thinks. What she didn't expect was the physical and mental abuse that comes along with this relationship. But the people around her...more
The BookWhisperer
Amanda Grace created a tragic and terrifying story about a young girl that finds herself in her worst nightmare. Many young girls believe it inconceivable that a situation such as this could happen to them. This realistic and honest truth about how it is easy for a girls to find their selves in such a situation it grab many readers and drag them into this young woman� s nightmare. Interestingly, Grace created this story starting with the end and working her way to the beginning. I believe that t...more
May 06, 2011 Lauren rated it 5 of 5 stars
Shelves: own
Startling, exceptional, and fast-paced, Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him offers a fascinating new look into the world of abusive relationships.

Prior to meeting Connor, Ann was a girl going places. From a track star, to a loyal friend, to a good student, Ann appeared to be the picture perfect girl. However, everything changes the day Connor walks into her life. Connor is a boy with a bad family history, but all Ann can see is a boy who needs someone, a boy who can be loved even if he does not realiz...more
Marty :}
“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.”

I just want to cry and you don't want to hear me. Believe me. I read this book very fast and I got into it, like for real, at the middle of it. I feel like I understood so much more why she hadn't left him before by...more
But I Love Him tells a story from a very unique perspective. The story begins in current day, where Ann is at the breaking point of her relationship. It shows how broken she has become due to her relationship with her boyfriend Conner. As the chapters continue, it takes us backwards through their relationship over the past year. It is fascinating to watch Ann in this way because we can see what slowly broke her down. We get to see who she was, whole, at the beginning of her relationship, present...more
”Things like track and high school aren’t as important to me as they once were. The hours I spent with the team every day, I only thought of him. I thought of lying next to him on the bed and watching movies. I thought of talking to him and walking with him and being with him. Sometimes I think I’d give up everything if I could just spend every day with him, alone in his room, listening to music and just…being together.” (pg. 100-101)

Yeah…I think we’ve all been there, especially just starting ou...more
That was intense. O_O From the description and starting to read it, or hearing about it, you know it's intense, but until you've read the whole thing, I don't think you'll understand how intense it is.

Amanda Grace chose to write this story in reverse chronological order. I see it as two parts, because there's a few chapters (five?) that are told in one day, and the rest are from when Connor went too far to when Ann met Connor.

And now I want to read it backwards.

The reverse chronological order w...more
Reading Teen
This book is a strong, interesting, disturbing story. It begins at the one year mark of the relationship between Ann and Connor, 17 and 18 years old, respectively. From there the story rewinds showing us the progression of their romance. Connor and Ann are teens who come from very different backgrounds but make an instant connection when they meet. Ann is a senior in high school, captain of the track team and working towards college. Connor is a smart young man who dropped out of high school, go...more
This review can also be found here on my blog, PaperFantasies

Any avid or long-time follower of my blog or reviews knows how I feel about abusive relationships, and how YA has gotten into the habit of glorifying them. So many popular books play on the “He’s just misunderstood” idea and twist very real signs of danger into a bad-boy angle that is supposed to entice when it should warn away. But I Love Him is chock full of some of these very signs, but unlike so many in the genre, this novel shows...more
review.short and sweet ( because im lazy) The idea was unique. the delivery was extremely well done The writing was beautiful. the themes were well explored. the book stayed in my mind for a long time. it made me cry. It made me think "what would I do? " if I was her....
it was sad, beautiful, painful, elegant and real..
the author did an amazing job in making us empathize with the main character. throughout the book I was so emotionally conflicted. I loved,and hated with her
. I love books on amb...more
Told in reverse chronological order, this book clearly illustrates how easy it is to get sucked into a violent relationship and why it becomes so hard to leave ("but, I love him" is so often the reason). The author does a wonderful job illustrating the codependency that often takes root in an abusive relationship -- Ann stays because she thinks she can help him, save him -- and she gives everything up to try to do so. As a result, she finds herself isolated without the support of friends and fam...more
Jul 04, 2012 Aleeeeeza marked it as did-not-finish
i feel sorta bad for abandoning this when im just like, 35% in, esp since im a huge sucker for novels dealing with abusive relationships. but the problem with this one is that even though the writing's great, the story itself is such a staple abusive-relationship book, with bland-as-vanilla characters and a plot that's a watered-down mix of every other book that deals with the same subject matter, that i feel like reading it won't do anything at all for me, since it sure as heck hasn't yet. ther...more
3.5 stars
I totally think Amanda is amazing for reversing the order of the book. I completely agree with her reasoning of doing so. So many times ppl blame the victim of abuse by saying they should've left or why didn't they see the signs. In this book you see that there are many different factors that played in Ann's decisions to stay with Connor. And before she even realized it she was in too deep and she starts making excuses for his behavior. Definitely a book that all young girls should read...more
First of all, I have to emphasise how beautifuly written this story was. My copy of this book is full of underlined sentences and parts, and with notes in margins.

Although it is a sad story I really enjoyed reading every single word of it and after finishing that last page I wished there were more of it. But good novel doesn't have to be long, and "But I Love Him" proves that.

Written in reversed chronological order of events, it stends up from other novels with abusive thematic.
It starts while t...more
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Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

Amanda Grace is a pen name for Young Adult author Mandy Hubbard (PRADA AND PREJUDICE, YOU WISH). She lives near Seattle, Washington, with her husband and young daughter.
More about Amanda Grace...
In Too Deep The Truth About You and Me No One Needs to Know

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“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.” 386 likes
“I wanted to be his life preserver, the thing that would keep him afloat. Instead, he became my anchor. And I’m tired of drowning.” 327 likes
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