Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches

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Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches

4.27 of 5 stars 4.27 · rating details · 682 ratings · 198 reviews

I didn't write this book because mothering little ones is easy for me. I wrote it because it isn't. I know that this is a hard job, because I am right here in the middle of it. I know you need encouragement because I do too. This is not a tender reminiscence from someone who had children so long ago that she only remembers the sweet parts. At the time of writing this, I ha

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Paperback, 102 pages

Published November 26th 2010 by Canon Press (first published November 23rd 2010)

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Aug 06, 2012 M.K. added it

This book was a lot shorter than I had expected...but I think that works in the end: I read it from cover to cover, but as it's a series of essays, I think it would be a good title for moms of littles to keep on the shelf and pull down on those tough days.

Lots of sweet nuggets and gentle calls to intentional parenting throughout, which I greatly appreciated. And as we've just seemed to slam up against the terrible twos in my house, plenty of things I need to remember going forward.

The closing p...more

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Jun 14, 2012 Tamara rated it 4 of 5 stars

With five children five and under, Rachel Jankovic says that she didn’t write this book because mothering is easy for her; she wrote it because it isn’t! I had been looking for a book that was applicable to parents of toddlers, and this was recommended to me by several friends. This is a short book, only 102 pages, and each chapter is only a few pages long (perfect for the few moments you can snatch in the bathroom. Heh.)

It is not a heavy doctrine book or “parenting manual,” but is simply thoug...more With five children five and under, Rachel Jankovic says that she didn’t write this book because mothering is easy for her; she wrote it because it isn’t! I had been looking for a book that was applicable to parents of toddlers, and this was recommended to me by several friends. This is a short book, only 102 pages, and each chapter is only a few pages long (perfect for the few moments you can snatch in the bathroom. Heh.)

It is not a heavy doctrine book or “parenting manual,” but is simply thoughts, stories, and thought-provoking questions. The strength of this book is her focus on our attitudes as mothers, as well as creative analogies to help kids think about their actions and the attitudes behind them. My favorite by far was one comparing emotions to horses in order to help kids understand that their emotions are a powerful gift from God, but one that needs to be trained and properly handled so our emotions take us in the right direction. Throughout the book she brings up all-too-common scenarios (like kids bickering over a toy) and puts a perspective on them that made me think “Huh, I’d never thought of it that way.”

Jankovic shows refreshing humility throughout. It’s easy to “harrumph” over books that were apparently written by mothers with perfect angel children who always respond perfectly to correction. This book doesn’t fall in that category; Jankovic is quick to point out that she doesn’t have it all together, nor is she so far removed from the years with young children that she only remembers the heartwarming things and has forgotten all about spaghetti smeared all over the couch, carpet, and walls. She does, however, have a clear desire to show Jesus to her children, and realizes that this has to begin with letting God work in her own hearts as mothers.

On the downside, some chapters are stronger than others, and I wished she would have backed her views up with more Scripture. The book is not heavy on doctrine or parenting philosophy, and is certainly not a systematic “Twelve Step Plan to Perfect Children.” Every family is different, so not all her suggestions will be “magic behavior bullets.” However, if you’re looking for some short shots of encouragement, fresh ways to think about the struggles of parenting, and simple yet profound challenges, it’s excellent.
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Apr 16, 2012 Julia Forrester rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This is one of those books that you read over and over again. It makes you laugh and moan and maybe cry too :)

“Sometimes parents can discipline behaviors over and over and over like we are playing whack-a-mole. There is a sin! Get it! This can get very frustrating when it doesn’t seem to be helping anything. We think we are being so diligent! But the real problem is that the child doesn’t know what to do with it.

…Little girls need help sorting out their emotions–not so they can wallow in them,...more

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Dec 03, 2011 Shelley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: christianity, non-fiction, parenting, home-and-hospitality

Rachel Jankovic's Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches is a collection of short vignettes written to counsel Christian parents, and, more specifically, mothers, in the throes of raising children. Herself a young mother of five children, all under age six, Jankovic is blessed with wisdom and maturity that seems to transcend her age. Yet, despite her assertive confidence, she is humble and transparent, making her a winsome role model for young, Christian mothers seeking guidance, so...more Rachel Jankovic's Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches is a collection of short vignettes written to counsel Christian parents, and, more specifically, mothers, in the throes of raising children. Herself a young mother of five children, all under age six, Jankovic is blessed with wisdom and maturity that seems to transcend her age. Yet, despite her assertive confidence, she is humble and transparent, making her a winsome role model for young, Christian mothers seeking guidance, some encouragement, and perhaps a good laugh.

Although the individual vignettes vary by topic, ranging from how our language shapes our children, to the benefits and perils of schedules, to the attitudes mothers have toward their postpartum bodies, there are several biblical threads that run through the entire collection. Reminiscent of the themes Paul David Tripp emphasizes in his parenting materials, Loving the Little Years admonishes mothers who privilege pruning undesirable behaviors over helping their children uproot the sinful heart issues that sprout these behaviors. Arguing from a grace-based philosophy of parenting, as opposed to a legalistic one centered on behavior management, Jankovic reminds parents that their own heart issues need to be brought before God if they are to help their children. With her usual candor and insight, Jankovic writes, “…the state of your heart is the state of your home. You cannot harbor resentment secretly toward your children and expect their hearts to be submissive and tender. You cannot be greedy with your time and expect them to share their toys. And perhaps most importantly, you cannot resist your opportunities to be corrected by God and expect them to receive correction from you” (14-15). This requires that we humble ourselves in front of our children in ways that are not always comfortable. But Jankovic promises that this is how we plant the seeds that will bear good fruit throughout our children’s lives.

Other themes I appreciated include her challenge for mothers to avoid dwelling on what may have been sacrificed on the altar of motherhood – a home that is easy to clean, sleep-filled nights, uninterrupted alone time, a trim figure – and instead embrace motherhood as the high calling that it is, acknowledging the joyful responsibility that comes with raising little ones. I was also convicted by her assertion that “Christian childrearing is a pastoral pursuit, not an organizational challenge” (50). How tempting it is to use the things we currently have under control, like a clean house or a firmly established and well-functioning schedule, to mask what is out of control, like the deeper spiritual and pastoral issues lurking, unchecked, in our homes.

While my husband and I have our fair share of mayhem raising just a single toddler, I can’t yet identify with the unique chaos that comes with rearing multiple young children at once. This distinction between my life and the author’s, however, did not make this book a waste of time for me. Not only did I see reading this book as a preemptive move should more children grace our future, I also took away wisdom that will serve me as I engage little ones in various capacities at church. Jankovic reminds us not to see children en masse, but instead address them as individuals with unique needs and preferences. In a recent altercation among preschoolers over who got to pin the Pharisees to the flannelgraph, I was definitely guilty of seeing the children as a group of glue-stained humanity set on testing my patience, and not as individuals with real concerns and heart issues. Although she is talking about our relationship to our own children, I think the following applies to our relationships with other children as well: “Most of the time children do not know that what they are doing is overwhelming. This is because they do not forget that they are individuals” (53). Let us also not forget this.

In addition to this convicting advice, she also shares practical strategies for helping children get outside of themselves through the use of story-telling. Jankovic argues that children are very insightful when it comes to identifying the sin issues in protagonists, but often lack the insight to see those same issues at play in their own hearts. There is definitely much wisdom to glean from Jankovic’s application.

Whether you are currently raising one child or eight, this book has something very meaningful to offer. I found myself laughing at her honest anecdotes, cringing at my own shortcomings as a parent, and nodding in response to her wise counsel. Most of all, I found myself praying that I can be the kind of parent whose instruction and discipline point my children to the love of God and their need for a savior.
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Jul 19, 2011 Joceline Foley rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is absolutely the most encouraging book I've ever read on parenting. I could have underlined about 3/4 of the book if I hadn't reigned myself in. My kids are currently three, two, and one, and I admittedly have many days when I feel defeated, exhausted, and like I'm doing unproductive work. Of course I love my kids, and I enjoy them, but three kids that little are a LOT of work. Jankovic (the mother of five children five and under) gives Biblical wisdom, practical tips, and encouragement to...more

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May 31, 2011 Steve Hemmeke rated it 4 of 5 stars

This little book of little chapters about little people was more than a little helpful. While dishing up some juicy ones about nursing twins while the ever helpful husband sleepwalks, and the like, the author encourages and points to important principles.

The encouragement is to take heart that your labor is not in vain. Rejoicing in the task before you is possible! You can be in the trenches (and the author knows them in depth), and not be overwhelmingly frazzled and frustrated.

Principles:
The au...more This little book of little chapters about little people was more than a little helpful. While dishing up some juicy ones about nursing twins while the ever helpful husband sleepwalks, and the like, the author encourages and points to important principles.

The encouragement is to take heart that your labor is not in vain. Rejoicing in the task before you is possible! You can be in the trenches (and the author knows them in depth), and not be overwhelmingly frazzled and frustrated.

Principles:
The author often assumes the reader understands these principles, and has learned them elsewhere. One place to go is “Shepherding a Child’s Heart,” by Tedd Tripp.

Guide your children out of sin, don’t simply stomp on them for sinning. I’m big on being careful not to over-correct when you see a problem. Many in the church today see sin taken lightly, and attempt to correct that with excessive discipline for their children’s sin. This is a recipe for exasperating children, which Scripture forbids. Spanking is not the silver bullet. Jankovic leans the other way. Often the best way to shepherd away from sin is to show them the freedom and joy of obedience, rather than merely punishing bad behavior.

Shepherd the heart. Don’t simply react to behavior. Show the deeper problem you’re rejecting. If they can’t share a toy, they are putting it before loving their neighbor. Keep it simple like that – no “who had it first?” “How long did you have it?” gymnastics, which only obscure the issue. Have few behavioral rules, to make mental space for the principles.

The power of personal example, and unintended consequences. If you only engage with your children when they sin, they learn things from that. If you grab their toy away and tell them not to grab toys, your direction is not clear. If you don’t repent of obvious harshness, and tell them to say they’re sorry for the slightest things, they are learning a lesson. A bad one, but they are learning. The darkness of little people sinning cannot overcome the light in the long run (John 1:5). It can do so in mom’s spirit, though. The victory of the light begins in mom’s attitude, when faced with sin. Parent with faith that God will use you to get them out of the sin. Be not dismayed at it. Disappointed, yes. Resolved to change it, yes. But not cast down.(less)

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Dec 02, 2011 Abby rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book left me with very mixed feelings. I didn't just "like it" - I loved parts and hated parts. If I could, I'd give it 40% one star and 60% four to five stars, but will accept that we have to communicate in averages.

There were a lot of very practical points in the book. Some of the images and statements have really stuck with me. I like the concept of not being a "picky chicken" and tearing our family members down. This is a great principal for marriage too.

My two favorite points where th...more

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Sep 18, 2012 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars

3.5 stars

There were parts of this book that I loved! I thought she had some great advice, and there were definitely several points that I really needed to hear. I would like to re-read this book just to help me remember those points. She had some great thoughts: about having a joyful attitude and refusing to use the word overwhelmed, about disciplining with purpose to build kids up rather than tear them down, and about how we get frustrated with our kids' misbehaviors when we ourselves are misbe...more

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Jan 15, 2012 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This was such a wonderful, little book! It's one that I will be pulling off the shelf time and time again to remind myself to be a Godly parent. Our little people deserve all the patience, respect and love we can give them!
It was interesting to read this soon after The Happiness Project (THP) and in a weird way I found connections between the two. One of the principles from THP that I found in this book is that to be happy, you must make those around you happy and when those around you are happ...more

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Jul 07, 2011 Sean Higgins rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This is the best book on parenting I've ever read. I'll admit that I haven't read as many books on parenting as I probably should have and I'm sure I've forgotten too much of what I have read. That said, every Christian mother and father should own this book, inside and out.

A certain sort of parent will not enjoy this book at all. Parents who view authority as a control mechanism rather than a means to fellowship, who prefer dispensing law rather than following it, and who expect change in their...more

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May 28, 2013 Mrs N rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Mothers of young children

Shelves: 2013, parenting

This book is a collection of short essays on parenting young children. I think it would be most useful for parents who stay home with their children full-time. I found most of this book to be encouraging and thought-provoking. I didn't like that Jankovic referred to young children sinning. I don't believe small children can sin, but whatever. Doctrinal differences. I did take major exception to her advice on when parents are feeling drained - spend MORE time with your family. Only an extrovert c...more

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Apr 07, 2012 Jenna King rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was hoping for more from this book than what I got out of it. It came so highly praised that I thought it would really give me tips and be a heartwarming advice book that would help me appreciate where I am in life. It did that a little bit but not as much as I was hoping it would.

The author, Rachel Jankovic, does go on about how hard it is to be a mother of five young children but doesn't give advice on how to cope in every chapter. She does give some advice, and I will highlight the chapter...more I was hoping for more from this book than what I got out of it. It came so highly praised that I thought it would really give me tips and be a heartwarming advice book that would help me appreciate where I am in life. It did that a little bit but not as much as I was hoping it would.

The author, Rachel Jankovic, does go on about how hard it is to be a mother of five young children but doesn't give advice on how to cope in every chapter. She does give some advice, and I will highlight the chapters that I felt were the most helpful, but many of the chapters, she is simply pointing out how it is.

The first part that I enjoyed was "Spirited Riders". She talks about how little children have all this emotion in their little bodies and they don't always know how to manage the emotions as adults do. She compares a child's feelings to spirited horses and that the children are the riders. I quote from the last paragraph of the chapter: "The goal is not to cripple the horse, but to equip the rider. A well-controlled passionate personality is a powerful thing." I think I liked this part because I felt that I could see that in my daughter, and also my sons. They just need to learn how to manage and control their emotions.

She also talks about seeing your children. You can’t make a watermelon from a tomato plant. You need to look at your children and see who they really are and let them become the person they’re supposed to be. That’s not to say you shouldn’t shape them along the way, but she makes a valid point by saying that it would cause unnecessary pain and damage to try and turn a watermelon into a tomato.

Another point she makes is the issue with sharing and fighting over toys, something that is very common for young children. She talks about how with her own children, she tries to elicit sharing by reminding them that their relationship with their sibling is more important than the toy they were fighting over. She gives specific advice on how to do this, which was helpful.

She does give good advice on disciplining and how to use it as a tool to produce a functioning adult who chooses a good path in life. She talks about limits and boundaries but also about how too much of that can be disastrous.

I appreciate that she talked about setting up clear and realistic expectations, which will gradually change as the children get older. I definitely agreed with what she said in that chapter.

My favorite part was when she talked about “me time”. I have come to loathe the implications of “me time” by society’s standards. But the way she defines it is so wonderful. She says,

"We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be rediscovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don’t recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out—look at the people who made you what you are—your husband and your children….Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the ‘others’ will find that they are a very broken little thing.”

I did enjoy the book and would recommend it to anyone with young kids. I almost wish that I had read it a little sooner, since now my children are in that middle phase of childhood and I have sort of missed the boat on a few things.
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Dec 15, 2011 Jacqueline rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting-relationships

This is a quick book; I think I read it in about an hour this evening (no skipping). Maybe it's just the stage of life/mothering I'm in, but this book felt like a tall drink of water (or maybe a splash of water in the face). It's nothing ground-breaking or literarily stunning, but the author's advice is very helpful and practical. I've known for awhile that my attitude regarding my children/my time/my life needed adjusting, and the simple admonishments in this book perfectly addressed my issues....more

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May 04, 2013 Anna Beth rated it 3 of 5 stars

Short little book, great for the short moments that you have when you're a mom and can only read in snatches here and there.

Some great ideas and encouragement for moms. I love her candidness and cheerfulness and her ability to be really creative in parenting.

Disagreed with some of the things she said, particularly in the second half of chapter 12 about a mom's identity.

Editor could have done a better job of revising the book. Some of the ideas and sentences are hard to understand because she us...more

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Jun 06, 2013 Leslie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting, reading-again

I laughed, I cried. This is a sweet apology for grace in the home a midst the chaos and the cheerios. I bought up a handful of copies and sent them to all the Mommas of little ones I know. It's an easy, even while you nurse, kind of book. It's great.

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Nov 16, 2011 Gregory Soderberg rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting, practical-theology

This was simply a fantastic book! It was also quite painful to read, because I've been such a poor parent in numerous ways. One can still "do it all right," and yet get it all wrong. Rachel (our friend from college-days) brings us back to the JOY of parenting, even when life is chaotic, which it frequently is with our four little ones! Rachel has wisdom beyond her years, which is no doubt due to the faithful parenting of the two generations before her. A must-read, especially for all parents who...more

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May 09, 2013 Victoria Berry (Ripple) rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

Helpful and encouraging insight to motherhood. But not just for mothers (I am not a mother at the time of reading this book), this book gives a great perspective on relationships in general (you may need to read between the lines if it's not so clear on first reading) and the beauty and importance of bearing fruit in our lives for the glory of God and the building up of the whole body of Christ (children and adults). I highly recommend this book to all, yes even to men because motherhood, relati...more

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Jul 28, 2011 Audrey rated it 5 of 5 stars

I gave this book as a Christmas gift and then a friend of mine recommended that I read it. What a refreshing book!!! So many "older" parents just remember the good times with their kids and forget how they got through the rough times, or how they did the simple, necessary things in life with children underfoot. This author is a mother who is still in the trenches and she provides such practical advice and lessons that she has learned while rearing young children. I learned many practical things...more

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Oct 22, 2011 Shay rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is written for moms. So to be a dad and being reading it is an interesting experience.

I didn't really understand the book until about 35 pages in, but once I realized that it's just one woman's experience and how she thought about it, then I I started to enjoy it. This is a handy book for moms to really just think practically and Biblically about raising young children. Lighthearted, joyful, and generally just a very encouraging book for moms who might be tempted to to complain about...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Kate rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This book read sort of like a blog to me, with each chapter feeling rather disconnected from any other. Each chapter offered a story/observation about parenting, and some were more applicable to me than others. Jankovic frequently references her experience as a mother with 5 young children, which is just different from the season I find myself in. I related to much of what Jankovic shared, and did find a few useful ideas. I wish more would've been shared about integrating faith into parenting. I...more

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May 16, 2013 Angela rated it 3 of 5 stars

I enjoyed the candor of Rachel's writings and her honesty in stating how things sometimes are in a busy household. While she offered encouragement and practical tips for loving your children, whatever the struggle, I found some of her advice unnecessary and unhelpful. Letting kids make messes and worrying about the clean up later isn't always the way to go. Kids can have fun and learn without creating more work. The chapters were short, making them easy to get through in one sitting. I would rec...more

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Jul 26, 2011 Craig Houston rated it 5 of 5 stars

As a father of 11 children I found this little book to be an absolute delight! Well written and filled with practical advice, but not in the ten things you should do kind of way. Rather this book deals with the essence of discerning parenting, with a heart to help your children grow into gracious, bold, Godly adults. In almost every experience that was shared I could whole heartily relate, saving the ones that only a mother could have, but even then I know my wife had walked those paths before.

A...more

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Aug 31, 2011 Hayley rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-2007-current, parenting

This book was okay. There were a few useful insights and mental imagery tools for coping with the frustrations of raising little kids. But, the author often casually mentioned spanking her kids. I chose not to discipline that way, and it made me wonder what other fundamental parenting beliefs her and I would disagree on. It made me doubt her advice.
A short and quick read, this book is divided into short 2-3 page chapters that are each relatively self contained. It is geared toward Christians, a...more

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Jun 15, 2012 Karoline rated it 4 of 5 stars

First off, this is a very short, delightful book - funny, realistic, insightful, and - still more - kindly, modestly, sanely, and cheerfully written. It's mostly about heart attitudes, both your own and your children's. I'm not a mother of small children (well, one very, very small child, lol) but I'd hand this to any woman who teaches or works with children in any capacity. This is real-life stuff. Rachel Jankovic has five children under the age of five, came from a thoughtful pastor's family,...more

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May 09, 2013 Mikejencostanzo rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed

Just perfect. Loving the Little Years is a collection of 20 could-be-blogs. Short, deep, heart-felt, thought-provoking and genuinely funny, this book is a pleasure to read.

Author Rachel Jankovic nails it on both tone & content. Her voice is sweet and transparent, but the thoughts she shares are saturated with an uncanny wisdom that seems beyond her years.

While only a slender 100 pages, Loving the Little Years has helped shape my parenting worldview:

* Having more kids is no excuse to give p...more

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Feb 14, 2013 Crystal rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: motherhood, parenting-self-help

This book is not really a "parenting self-help" book, although there were some great ideas.
Things I liked:
1. Idea of how to help little girls (although I would add ANY child) to manage their emotions by teaching them that their emotions are like a horse. Emotions are not bad, but letting them getting out of control are. That might sound weird, but the way she put it made sense.
2. Considering parenting as a stewardship from God.
3. Keeping ourselves and our children in "fellowship" with one anoth...more

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Jan 28, 2012 ladydusk rated it 4 of 5 stars

Own.

I was sick this week and thought I'd pick up something quick and easy to read. I chose poorly.

Quick, yes. Short chapters, easily read in the spaces of time or for a couple minutes before turning off the light for sleep.

Easy, not so much.

Jankovic has written a book that forces the reader to consider parenting techniques, philosophy, the ends and the means. It turns parenting on its head in many ways. It has me considering, as a recent sermon, who my audience is in parenting: the children or...more

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Jan 17, 2012 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Wow! I don't know if it was that I read this book while rocking a newborn, or that it is simply a wonderful book, but either way it was hugely beneficial to me. Practical, whimsical and funny, Rachel Jancovic speaks out of her experience of mothering 5 little ones, and the picture isn't always pretty. Is there anything more helpful than a mother being honest about motherhood, both it's picturesque moments and the ones you want to forget? She teaches from both, and in a pithy way. I LOVED this bo...more

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Feb 25, 2013 Joanna Zuck rated it 5 of 5 stars

I received this book as a gift right before my second child was born. Having two children under two was overwhelming and the authors perspective was hugely beneficial. I loved the way she was God centered first and parent centered second. Her perspective that our parenting comes out of the overflow of our own hearts was just what I need to be reminded of on a semi regular basis. I've purchased and given away 5 more copies of this book because it was so good for my own soul.

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May 15, 2012 Susan rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club, 2012

Not something I particularly enjoyed reading. While I didn't necessarily disagree with what the author was saying, I didn't really agree with it either. I felt like the book was thrown together - something I could easily write if I was so inclined. Lots of strange metaphors that didn't make any sense. Lots of jumping around. Lots of examples from her life that seemed kind of thrown in for no real reason. Just because someone has five kids five and under, it doesn't mean they are a better parent...more

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About Rachel Jankovic

Rachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She received her bachelor's degree in Liberal Arts and Culture from New Saint Andrews College, but mostly reads cookbooks now to avoid story grip (being highly susceptible). In 2003, she married her husband, Luke, and they have six children who know how to party. As of November 2012, their little posse includes Evangeline (8), Daphne (6), Chloe (5)...more

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