How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend

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How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend

by Gary Ghislain (Goodreads Author)

3.51 of 5 stars 3.51 · rating details · 377 ratings · 148 reviews

David Gershwin's summer is about to take a turn for the weird. When his dad's new patient Zelda tells him shes from outer space and on a quest to take Johnny Depp back to her planet, he knows he should run away screaming. But with one look from her mean, green eyes, David's hooked, and soon he's leaping across rooftops, running from police, and stealing cars just to stay b...more

Hardcover, 174 pages

Published June 8th 2011 by Chronicle Books

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How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend by Gary Ghislain

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Feb 21, 2013 Sunny in Wonderland rated it 3 of 5 stars

Adding this to my TBR list is a moral imperative. I mean, look at that title. Just... LOOK AT IT!

UPDATED AFTER READING:
Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary! I am sooooooooo not your target audience! I used to be, but - hey, I totally give you points for knowing EXACTLY who your audience is and what they want!

So, to Gary Ghislain's target audience, I say - go forth, Earthlings! Read the book of Zook. You will love the crap out of this thing. It's completely preposterous, hilarious, inappropriate, provacative, in...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 14, 2011 Toni (U.A.C.) rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-erotica, sci-fi, read-in-2011, ya-children-s, contemporary-setting, own-amazon

Setting: Current Day France. David's dad is a well known psychiatrist; his mother is a highly regarded divorce lawyer. Story starts off with David at his dad's place in the country where he meets Zelda, who is being treated by David's father and tells David that she's an alien who's travelled to earth to find and bring back her soul mate. At an age (14) where he’s realizing how awesome and terrifying girls can be, David is spellbound by this pretty, enigmatic, and slightly violent tempered girl...more

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Mar 29, 2012 M added it

So I picked up this book solely because of the title. How do you *not* read a book with a title as bizarre as this? I guess we'll see if the book is as interesting...

3 likes · like · see review

Nov 11, 2011 Cynthia rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 001, teen-bopper

3.5 stars;

A funny and wacky adventure about a boy named David, who's fallen head over heels for alien girl Zelda. Zelda (whom everyone thinks is just violent & crazy and not an alien) is here on earth to find her "chosen one" who she's sure is Johnny Depp, and David is here to help, no matter how crazy and strange the situation he's gotten himself into has become.

It was a funny read, and my favourite relationship in the story was not Zelda and David's (though they make quite the pair), but a...more

1 like · like · see review

Sep 15, 2011 Jordan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Heeeeere's Johnny--
--Depp (that is)!

...if only it was that easy for Zelda, the 325 year old alien from the planet Valhalal, who on Earth looks like a 15 year old uber-babe. See, she's desperately needing to find her perfect mate (Johnny), and will do so while wearing the skimpiest designer bikini, all the while on the run from the police (cause she's "crazy", duh)!

Sound maddeningly hot??? Just think how 14 year old never-kissed-a-girl David feels who's tagging along and falling hopelessly in lo...more

2 likes · like · see review

Dec 22, 2011 Amanda Bell rated it 5 of 5 stars

"How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend" is easily the most hilarious and fun book I've read all year. The author, Gary Ghislain, knows he's dealing with zany material, and he lets it ride through the whole book.

Interestingly, though, the book comes together as a great account of male adolescence and fantasy and plays upon the reader's understanding of sanity and the opposite.

The characters are quirky, and though our protagonist is a young boy, most of the central speakers in the book are to...more

3 likes · like · see review

Jun 05, 2011 Rabiah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: own, arc, signed

Originally Posted at: http://iliveforreading.blogspot.com/2...

**This Review is based on an ARC (Advanced Reader's Copy). The final text/cover may be different.**

I can say with all honesty, it was the title that grabbed my interest.
I mean, with a really bizarre and eye catching title as "How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend" it's bound to get attention! (You know, besides the point that Johnny Depp's name is in the title...anyone seen Pirates 4? Wanna go badly!) Mr. Ghislain was so amazing...more Originally Posted at: http://iliveforreading.blogspot.com/2...

**This Review is based on an ARC (Advanced Reader's Copy). The final text/cover may be different.**

I can say with all honesty, it was the title that grabbed my interest.
I mean, with a really bizarre and eye catching title as "How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend" it's bound to get attention! (You know, besides the point that Johnny Depp's name is in the title...anyone seen Pirates 4? Wanna go badly!) Mr. Ghislain was so amazing as to sending another copy in the mail, as the first one got lost. I'm glad I got a copy though– this book is seriously the FUNNIEST one I've read in a long time.

All the characters were amazing contributers to the story. David is one hilarious 14-year old, and it's really sweet how he goes the whole length of helping Zelda find Johnny Depp. I mean seriously, which guy wouldn't want to be with a alien from outer space, who sings like a whale and has a whole bunch of tattoos? Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say.
Zelda's really peculiar, and really adds the hilarity to this story. Her ways are...really strange (as you'll find out in this book) and you can't help liking her! and the fact she, like more than half of the female population, wants Johnny Depp?? priceless! Malou was also a great addition to the plot and really added the sarcasm and sparkiness to it. Can't really imagine what the book would be like without her!

Of course, with every amazing book comes the baddies. There's, of course, David's super-control-and-clean-freak-who's-very-rich mom, and the police and authorities who are trying to capture Zelda and David for helping her escape. But then, there's more "out-worldly" powers going against them. In come the Vahalalian Rebels, the Valks! One terrifying group of chicks, I'll have to say. The results at the end, are quite different as expected, but it just makes this book even more love-able with the twists and surprises!

How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend is a mouthful to say, but one heck of a story. You'll be knee-slapping, jaw-dropping, and singing to your belly button (long story) the whole way through the novel. Gary Ghislain has written a fantastic debut which is fast, extremely amusing, and action-packed that'll keep you on your toes! This book will truly bring out the strange alien in you.

**Thank you so much to Gary Ghislain for sending me How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend for Review!**(less)

1 like · like · see review

Nov 10, 2012 Jennifer Wardrip rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: trt-posted-reviews

Reviewed by Lauren Ashley for TeensReadToo.com

David's dad often has patients in their home, in order to help them with their mental issues. However, there has never been anyone quite like Zelda.

She swears she is from another planet and has come to Earth to find her one true love. David instantly falls for her, captivated by her wild nature and even wilder stories (or so he believes). Soon, Zelda is on the run and David finds himself dragged along to keep her safe and in his sights. Because Zelda...more

1 like · like · see review

Oct 28, 2011 Sam O'Heren rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: highly-recommend, teen-voices

The title drew me to this book (since I am a female and therefore a Johnny Depp fan) but I expected a cornball story and I got something much greater. I was pleasantly surprised by this hilarious tale of a teen boy who falls for one of his Dad's mental patients. Zelda claims to be from another planet, one on which women rule and men are tolerated until they are not useful. At that point, they are killed or vaporized. Although he does not believe her, David risks everything to help Zelda complete...more

1 like · like · see review

May 01, 2011 Jenny rated it 3 of 5 stars

Actually, I 'd give it a 3 1/2. Very, very funny with great characters and a wild plot.

3 likes · like · see review

Dec 19, 2012 DJ rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: funny, unique-stories

This book was way too cute. I wish I had read it sooner.

At Comic Con 2012, I saw this book, the title grabbing my attention. It sat on my shelf, because I read Talulah Rising by Glen Duncan, another CC find. Then there was Lost at Sea by Brian Lee O'Malley...

Needless to say this book got buried on my shelf.

This morning, I came across it, and decided to go ahead and read it. Well, what started off as odd and funny, ended so adorably. The main character, David, is so straight laced... He meets a...more

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Sep 23, 2012 Shannon Kitchens rated it 2 of 5 stars

I found this book one of the most difficult books I've ever rated. Even though I rated this book 2 stars, I still really enjoyed it. It's fun, zany, and quick, though it has some major problems.

What works: concept, tone, and characters.

This is quite an original book. David's summer is turned on its head when he a beautiful alien girl drops into his life. He follows her on a bit of an absurd adventure (though at points, a weak adventure.) David is a typical teenage boy and Zelda is a strange alie...more I found this book one of the most difficult books I've ever rated. Even though I rated this book 2 stars, I still really enjoyed it. It's fun, zany, and quick, though it has some major problems.

What works: concept, tone, and characters.

This is quite an original book. David's summer is turned on its head when he a beautiful alien girl drops into his life. He follows her on a bit of an absurd adventure (though at points, a weak adventure.) David is a typical teenage boy and Zelda is a strange alien Barbarella like woman. I did enjoy that the characters don't fall into typical YA character troupes, and I really appreciated that.

But what's the greatest thing about this book is the tone and writing itself. Ghislain creates a humorous tone that is complimented by witty writing. It's so charming to see David react to Zelda's quest for Johnny Depp, and how David describes the world in selective pop culture references.

What wasn't working: pacing, reality/fantasy, and audience.

Pacing. I found the pacing in the first half of the book (while the audience is still struggling with Zelda's real identity) to be pleasant, even if it was the "slowest" part of the story. The second half of the book flew by at a break-neck pace, and I often found myself struggling to figure out what was going on. And as the action grew, the charm of the writing and story dwindled. Plus, there's the small fact that a lot of the action takes place "off screen." Drove me nuts. Or if it didn't take place "off screen" was hastily written.

The target audience of the book is strange too. David is a 14-year old boy, who at times I found acted younger than 14 and older. I had a hard time buying his age. But besides that, the plot frequently bounced between adolescent themes (the awkwardness of girls and parents) and highly adult themes (such as sex and rebellion). Plus there's the whole Barbarella like reference. I feel a younger generation would completely miss it.

But what I think what ultimately brings this book down is how it deals with fantasy/reality. (view spoiler)

In the end, with all my qualms, I really liked this book. It might be at the top of my recommendation list, but it's certainly one I'd say check out if you're interested.(less)

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Sep 11, 2012 Amy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor

David is inexperienced with girls. When his father takes on a psychiatric patient named Zelda, meeting her is beyond out of this world. As it turns out, Zelda is from out of this world---from an Amazonian planet called Vahalal, to be exact. Why has she traveled across the galaxy to the relatively primitive planet Earth? She wants to bond with her soulmate who is none other than Johnny Depp.

Actually, she's not 100% sure Johnny is a match. She needs to "sample" men to be sure they are a match for...more

2 likes · like · see review

Aug 10, 2012 Minakshi rated it 4 of 5 stars

I won this book through Goodreads First Reads giveaway! The author, Gary Ghislain, sent me an autographed hard copy and sweets from France. Already promising :)

This novel is quirky, strange, sweet and very fun read. I ripped though the entire book in one sitting and actually laughed at loud at some parts early in the story. It gets a little too fantastic towards the end, but I think that's part of its charm.

The plot: David Gershwin is a 14 year boy spending his summer vacation with his famous p...more

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Apr 09, 2012 Peggy Tibbetts rated it 5 of 5 stars

Fourteen-year old David Gershwin’s dad is a famous Paris thearapist who specializes in troubled teens. When he brings Zelda to their country home in Cornouille, she turns their lives upside down. Zelda claims she is 325-years old and from Vahalal, a planet of women who worship Zook. Her purpose on Earth is to find and capture Johnny Depp, her chosen one. No one believes her, including David at first. He is captivated, though certainly not by her charm. Zelda is a walking disaster. When she escap...more

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Oct 31, 2011 Christine rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 23, 2011 David rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: sci-fi, teen, humor, fiction

So, I'm not a teen, nor have I been for quite some time, but I found How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend to be engaging and rewarding -- for a book of its genre.

David Gershwin is a typically hormonal teen boy, with an undeveloped physique and somewhat poltroon nature, spending an unremarkable summer with his father, a renowned psychologist, in rural France. David's father takes on a new, very violent, patient, Zelda, in his ward, who recounts a remarkable story: she is from another planet...more

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Jul 08, 2011 Cindy Hudson rated it 4 of 5 stars

David’s dad is a therapist who lives in the small French town of Cornouaille. David knows not to get to close to the patients, but Zelda fascinates him. She claims to be from another planet, and she’s here on earth to find her chosen one. To her it makes no difference that in the process of searching she needed to steal food, and when she was caught she sent to security guards to the hospital.

At first David thinks Zelda is as crazy as his dad’s other patients, but as he gets to know Zelda better...more

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May 03, 2011 Ramie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya, sci-fi

Thanks to his father's career as a therapist David Gershwin is used to experiencing people who make odd claims. Until he sees Zelda in his father's office he's never really taken much interest in these patients. Sure Zelda claims to be from Vahalal, to be three hundred and twenty five years old, and is a bit mean to David -- but hey she's cute and scares the heck out of grown men, what more could a fourteen year old boy want in a girl? Maybe to not have her searching for her chosen one (Johnny D...more

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Aug 15, 2012 Sherri rated it 3 of 5 stars

 Summary: Fourteen-year-old David is used to the troubled teenagers who spend brief periods of time getting fixed by his celebrity therapist father. Then one day, David sees Zelda, a 15 to 16-year-old girl who quickly captures his interest and, perhaps, his heart. It’s almost like one of David’s Marvel comics’ superheroes has come to life.

Zelda claims to be 325 years old and from the planet Vahalal. She’s also a Valk—a fearless warrior, holy servant of Zook (their God) and a Traveler who is on...more  Summary: Fourteen-year-old David is used to the troubled teenagers who spend brief periods of time getting fixed by his celebrity therapist father. Then one day, David sees Zelda, a 15 to 16-year-old girl who quickly captures his interest and, perhaps, his heart. It’s almost like one of David’s Marvel comics’ superheroes has come to life.

Zelda claims to be 325 years old and from the planet Vahalal. She’s also a Valk—a fearless warrior, holy servant of Zook (their God) and a Traveler who is on a quest to find her ‘chosen one’ who is currently somewhere on Earth and take him back to Vahalal. She will know him by “sampling” his genetic code which is done by French kissing. When Zelda shows David a picture of her future boyfriend, he’s shocked to recognize him…Johnny Depp. Zelda only has a few days to find Depp or she will be trapped on Earth forever.

Zelda not only has mental issues, she’s also physically dangerous. Zelda is one of the most challenging, violent and troubled patients his dad has ever tried to fix. In the two days she’s been at their farmhouse outside Normandy, France she has managed to escape two times and wreck bloody havoc on anyone in her way.

When David unknowingly helps Zelda escape his dad’s farmhouse for the third time, he ends up embarking on a zany, humorous adventure. David ends up serving as Zelda’s Pudin (slave), learning what it means to Space Splash (able to be at two points in space at the same time) and Space Flop (fatigue caused by traveling a very long distance in space). The plan to find Depp is thwarted by Valk exiles (war criminals and mass murderers) who create a perilous path of destruction.

What if David’s space girl Zelda really is from outer space? Could David really have a chance at love with this crazy, beautiful, violent alien? You’ll have to read this short novel to find out!

 Teaser:David’s best friend Olivier can’t believe David’s good luck, saying, “I mean, she’s in your home. Locked. Handcuffed. Looking for a boyfriend…Do it!...Jump on her. Try to make out with her. She’s, like, open territory, buddy” (9).
“Zelda is just like any other girl on Earth. She wants what they all want. She wants JOHNNY DEPP!” (40).

 Why I Liked It:This book is laugh out loud funny! David’s narration is interesting and incredibly original.

Some things aren't quite believable, but it's so quirky that it works for the most part.(less)

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Jan 11, 2012 Sandra Desjardins rated it 5 of 5 stars

Sandra’s Sentiments: I sat for a few days trying to find the right words to describe this book. After tossing around some clever and witty quips, I decided to get straight to the point: Stop reading my review and go get it immediately!Seriously, if I could only keep five books for the rest of my life, this would be one of them.

The storyline is intriguing, the characters are wonderfully written, and if you aren’t laughing then you’re sitting on the edge of your seat!The book is only 174 pages, so...more

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Nov 04, 2011 Melody Costa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: teen

There are people who think it's disturbing that Bella fell in love with Edward with a 70 year age gap between them. What will people say when they read "How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend" when they find out that David is 14 and falling in love with Zelda, who claims to be a 325 alien?
On the surface this a teenage boy's fantasy. David Gershwin has practically fallen in the laps of a race of hot, bikini clad, blood thirsty alien teenage girls. First he is introduced to Zelda, a girl who l...more

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Mar 03, 2011 Amy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Hot chicks from outer space with super speed & time bending powers - what 14 year old boy would not want to be making out with her? I mean, a real-live alien??? And she is hot, tattooed, has a killer body and wanders around in a bikini. This is not just a 14 year old boy's dream, but just about every male with a pulse has had this same fantasy. Only David doesn't just live this story in a fantasy, he gets the whole experience first hand, with YouTube video's to prove it. Zelda (our spicy ali...more

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Feb 18, 2011 Jackie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: adventure, humor, librarything-early-reviewer, romance, science-fiction, strong-female-character, ya-fiction, interplanetary-voyages

How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend is one of the most outrageous, laugh-out-loud books I've read in a long, LONG time. Think Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets The True Meaning of Smekday...two of my very favorite books, by the way. When David's father, a famous therapist, is 'fixing' Zelda, all sorts of mayhem and mischief starts. Zelda is a wacky, one-track-minded, brutish woman, who is on Earth (from her planet Vahalal) to find her 'chosen one' and mate. Of course, there are no me...more

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Jul 03, 2011 Nicole rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: teens-ra, sci-fi

This was campy and sexy and fun. It seems I can put up with teen romance when it's written from a guy's perspective. Not sure if many teenage boys would actually read a book like this, but I would've enjoyed it as a teenage girl geek.

Not wholly original - kind of reminds me of a Lola Rennt/5th Element mash-up (not a bad thing in my book) - but endearingly wacky - and you can't write an Action Girlfriend/Mysterious Waif story without being a little derivative. The ending bothered me some. (view ...more

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May 31, 2011 Laura Madsen rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: science-fiction, young-adult, 2011

David’s father is a therapist who runs a sort of halfway house for troubled youths. One of his charges is Zelda, who looks like a fourteen-year-old girl but claims to be from outer space—specifically Vahalal, a planet inhabited by women, where men are “vaporized by the Valks.” She has come to Earth to find her “chosen one,” the person to whom she was assigned by her goddess on the basis of genetics. That person happens to be Johnny Depp. She escapes to run around downtown Paris wearing only a ti...more

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Nov 24, 2011 Wendy rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011-reads, sci-fi, young-adult, cpl, ebooks

Great title, right? Though a bit misleading, it's suitably wacky for the premise: a young guy falls for a chick who may be from outer space on a mission to find her soul mate (or who may very well just be crazy).

I liked the story at first, enjoyed its oddness. I could even accept that Zelda with the mean green eyes liked to run around in bikinis (this is a book targeted at young guys, after all). But I became disenchanted with it as it began to dawn on me that all the men in the story were pass...more

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May 28, 2011 Reader rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-may-2011

When 14 year old David Gerdhwin first encounters Zelda, she is handcuffed in his father's office, ranting about her need to escape and transfer the key to Vahalal to her chosen companion. After a few violent escapes by Zelda, David's father decides to send him back to Paris to stay with his mother, with an unannounced stowaway in the luggage. When Zelda demonstrates some superhuman talents during a mad dash around Paris, David starts to believe her story, even as he falls in love with her. Despi...more

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Mar 06, 2011 Crowinator rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011-reads, arcs, librarything-early-reviewers, ya, contemporary, aliens-spaceships-space

I'm not sure what to make of this very trippy, genre-bending book. I liked it well enough, though to be honest, if it hadn't been so short I probably would have stopped reading around page 100. I couldn't understand why David fell for Zelda so hard (the fact that she's a hawt, crazy mess only takes his obsession so far), and as his feelings for her is one of the focal points of the story, it didn't quite work for me. The very last chapter is a total cop-out and doesn't make any sense given the v...more

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May 23, 2012 Neena Milton rated it 2 of 5 stars

At first I just couldn’t believe why someone wrote a fiction based on an alien girl looking for Johhny Depp. It turns out to be really funny and I really liked the humor that the author did and it could be a cartoon instead. I think it would be better as a cartoon show than a book because it wasn’t like how I imagined it. I imagined it to start with a girl from another planet who had run away so she could learn more about humans. On her journey she met a man and they became friends but the man w...more

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About Gary Ghislain

Born in France to an international family (1 part French, 2 parts Spanish, 1 part Strange), Gary Ghislain grew up between Paris and the French Riviera. After obtaining a master's degree in literature and linguistics at the University of Paris 8, he packed his passport, a few reasonably clean T-shirts and his beloved Converse shoes, and headed out to travel the world, work odd jobs and write young...more

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