My rating:
add to my books
Loading...
Boundaries: When to Say YES, How to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life
A boundary is our personal property line that delineates those things for which we are responsible. The authors explain God's purpose for setting boundaries, ten laws and myths of boundaries, how to teach children to set boundaries, how to require responsibility from others, and more. Provides a Biblical basis for getting boundaries.
Hardcover
Published
by Zondervan Publishing Company
(first published February 1st 1999)
There is a good chance some of your friends read this book. Sign in to see!
sign in »
Friend Reviews
To see what your friends thought of this book,
please sign up.
This book is currently not featured on any Listopia lists.
Add this book to your favorite list »
Community Reviews
(showing
1-30
of
6,985)
Kim
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
anyone struggling with saying "no", the over-committed person
Recommended to Kim by:
a lady at my church
I really recommend this biblically based book to anyone who struggles with saying "no" or those who allow others to take advantage of them in just about any way (time, money, favors, services, etc.). The first few chapters help the reader understand what boundaries are and that they are not selfish at all, in fact, they are necessary to protect us. Then the book uses examples of types of problems people have setting and maintaining boundaries (fear of anger, rejection, loss of a frie...more
Nola
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
anyone with a relationship with another person
Recommended to Nola by:
Dave Ramsey
I listened to this on tape while driving, but I intend to go back and read it (probably more than once) so that it can more thoroughly seep into my head. This is a great book for anyone who has problems saying 'no' to family, friends, church assignments, coworkers, or themselves. It's really good for anyone who has a *RELATIONSHIP* with any of the aforementioned, which is essentially everyone.
*************
FOLLOWUP: I had to return this to the library, without finishing it. I am havin...more
*************
FOLLOWUP: I had to return this to the library, without finishing it. I am havin...more
view 1 comment
This is an excellent book. I actually purchased and read a newer edition, with a white and red cover.
This book could apply to many different troublesome situations. If you're a people pleaser that tends to get stressed out, there are some really helpful things in here. Or if you are liable to be taken advantage of.
I like the Christian viewpoint, because it takes into account the fact that followers of Christ WANT to serve others and not be "selfish." Yet it also teaches wh...more
This book could apply to many different troublesome situations. If you're a people pleaser that tends to get stressed out, there are some really helpful things in here. Or if you are liable to be taken advantage of.
I like the Christian viewpoint, because it takes into account the fact that followers of Christ WANT to serve others and not be "selfish." Yet it also teaches wh...more
LOVE IT! Amazing how these authors empower you by accurately describing relationships for what they are and how to make them better. Work, children, spouse, they tackle it all. I'll keep this book forever. I may never take it off of my currently reading shelf.
Mary
rated it
Recommends it for:
anybody who wants to improve their relationships
Recommended to Mary by:
Mom (go figure)
Shelves:
christian
This book really helped to clarify for me that it is not selfish or unChristian to get your own life in order using boundaries. Keep pushing forward with defining your boundaries, although others may react negatively. That is their problem with boundaries of others, not yours.
I think the authors secretly spied on me and all my interpersonal relationships to write this book! But seriously, reading this and using my bible as help...lots of scriptural references to how God wants us to ...more
I think the authors secretly spied on me and all my interpersonal relationships to write this book! But seriously, reading this and using my bible as help...lots of scriptural references to how God wants us to ...more
A five-star book for those of us who just san't say no to others. If you need to learn how to distance yourself and protect your family from needy people in a moving way, check it out. It's ok to say no. It's ok to take care of your own needs sometimes!
I found it to be a very practical book. Its so easy to allow others to take advantage of me but if I set boundaries in a healthy Christian manner it makes for better relationships. As the sayinggoes; "Good fences make good neighbors."
One of the best 'self help' books I have ever read. This text helps you understand the need to establish boundaries in your life so that you don't let other people run ramshackle over you.
A fundamental principle of the book is that you are the problem, not other people - you control your destiny, not theirs. If you think everyone else needs to change then you give them power over you. Instead you establish boundaries to keep your own yard neat and not bugging out about things you ca...more
A fundamental principle of the book is that you are the problem, not other people - you control your destiny, not theirs. If you think everyone else needs to change then you give them power over you. Instead you establish boundaries to keep your own yard neat and not bugging out about things you ca...more
I was hesitant at first to read this book because the synopsis referred to Christians and being that I am not Christian and not seeking to live a Christian lifestyle, I didn't think it would be for me. However, I did start to read the first chapter and soon discovered it was indeed for me. I may not be a Christian, however I was raised Christian therefore learned about boundaries the way Christian see them, a bit too loose and forgiving.
The book may make scripture references but not...more
The book may make scripture references but not...more
I've been taking a class this summer on boundaries, based on the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. According to Wikipedia, "Personal Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits. Personal boundaries define you as an individual. They are statements of what ...more
I’ve known about this book for a long time, but finally became interested in reading it this year. The subtitle says that the book will teach the reader, “When to say yes, how to say no,” and I think that sums up what I gained most from this book. When I think of all the different scenarios brought up in “Boundaries,” throughout many different life stages, the one thing that permeates the book is the idea that saying, “No” will allow you to take back control of your own life. It will help you...more
This book was recommended to me by a friend many years ago. Then I saw another friend was reading it & talking about it with her female study group from church & highly recommended it too. I went through it very slowly because the title sounded like it might be a self-help book that was not the most urgent for me when I was short on time & the first story did not seem that relevant to me. However, I think later on the book becomes really good. I'd like to give it 5 stars because I think the late...more
This is a literal story of not judging a book by its cover...
Someone I trust very deeply about such issues recommended I read this book called "Boundaries." When I found it at the library, I was horrified! It looked like a cheesy self-help book, and worse, it had won the Gold Medallion Book Award - "in recognition of excellence in Evangelical Christian literature." Needless to say, I was terrified; in no way do I self-identify as an Evengelical. But like I said ...more
Someone I trust very deeply about such issues recommended I read this book called "Boundaries." When I found it at the library, I was horrified! It looked like a cheesy self-help book, and worse, it had won the Gold Medallion Book Award - "in recognition of excellence in Evangelical Christian literature." Needless to say, I was terrified; in no way do I self-identify as an Evengelical. But like I said ...more
I greatly appreciate the premise of this book; it's not just okay, but wise and right, for Christians to have boundaries. Boundaries are not walls fencing us off from humanity, but gated defenses that allow us to keep stupid or malicious people from doing us harm.
I do think there was some "reading back" of psychology training onto the Bible verses... I'm not sure Peter was a certain type of controlling person, or if one can judge that from a single verse.
If anyt...more
I do think there was some "reading back" of psychology training onto the Bible verses... I'm not sure Peter was a certain type of controlling person, or if one can judge that from a single verse.
If anyt...more
Thomas
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommended to Thomas by:
Dave Ramsey
Shelves:
self-improvement,
read-in-2010
I bought this book several years ago after hearing Dave Ramsey recommend it for many years. I was very disappointed. It is deeply rooted in Christianity, which is fine, but I found the way in which Bible references were made to be very distracting. The authors would be well on their way to making a good point and then there was a Bible reference or two followed by an example of the Bible reference followed by an interpretation of the Bible reference. Well, by the time I got back to the topic ...more
Dani
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
wishlist,
cultural,
education,
inspirational,
marriage,
non-fiction,
parenting,
psychology,
spiritual,
christian
Boundaries is a must read for anybody and everybody. Even if you don't think you have boundary issues, that it's someone else in your life that has the problem, you may learn a thing or two. Cloud and Townsend do a wonderful job of laying out how boundaries are formed, what types of roles people play in your life that cause you to have too many/too little boundaries, how to change them slowly, and how to recognize a change in your lifestyle. While this book only has one chapter dedicated to each...more
This book was absolutely life-changing for me. Unlike many books that address the selfish, angry type of person who needs to start thinking more about others, this very wise and practical guide addresses those of us who bend over backwards to try to fix things so that no one will be angry or upset with us. This self-sacrificing attitude is presented to us as the desirable Christian way to behave, but can be very destructive if we end up letting others run our lives.
It saved my marria...more
It saved my marria...more
... Not what I expected. I decided to read this after seeing some glowing reviews. So I opened the book, read the introduction "A Day in a Boundaryless Life" describing a day of a lady who's unable to refuse anyone but feels resentful and guilty about her resentfulness, and a couple of pages on the book. Then skipped to the end, "A Day in a Life with Boundaries", describing the same person who has successfully set boundaries, and doesn't hesitate to say "no" anymore...more
A heavy, but good read for me. I borrowed it many months ago, being eager to finish, but the sections were so rich and convicting that it was impossible to move on without stopping to chew on the nugget I just took in. The authors were so great that it felt like having my own personal counselors right there. Except it's much cheaper than real counselors, and you have to talk to yourself.
This book isn't 'anti-service' or 'anti-selflessness', but it's message is one of being a good st...more
This book isn't 'anti-service' or 'anti-selflessness', but it's message is one of being a good st...more
Do you have trouble saying no? Do people seem to take advantage of you? Is it hard for you to talk about what you feel because you don't think you're important enough or think that you need to sacrifice yourself? Do you guilt-trip others to get your way, or are you being guilt-tripped yourself? Do you believe a "good person" or an "obedient Christian" is someone who always says yes when asked to do something, someone who always gives in when pushed, or someone who manipul...more
This book showed me a different way to look at myself and really introduced a new word into my vocabulary to describe the way I think and feel about many things. I often find myself describing my interactions with other people and interactions I see in terms of boundaries. I enjoyed this aspect of the book.
I also enjoyed the Christian perspective in the book. The book defines not only boundaries that we should have with others, but also how boundaries influence our relationship with...more
I also enjoyed the Christian perspective in the book. The book defines not only boundaries that we should have with others, but also how boundaries influence our relationship with...more
Although I am still in the first half of the book, I find that this is a remarkable, biblical, and thought-provoking book that explains that it is absolutely necessary to create and enforce boundaries in all of our relationships. It has helped me to know that saying "No" to a loved one is neither selfish nor a bad thing, but necessary in order to create balance and to ensure one's longevity. Too many times we put the needs of others before the needs of ourselves. And when we cannot set...more
I have heard this book recommended at various times over the last several years, but just never picked it up until now. I ended up buying a copy a couple of Saturdays ago, and by Sunday evening had read 75% of it.
This is an amazing book that has given me so much to think about with regard to how I have lived my life to this point. I have been gradually learning a bit about what boundaries are and how to have them, but reading this book has propelled me to a new level of understandi...more
This is an amazing book that has given me so much to think about with regard to how I have lived my life to this point. I have been gradually learning a bit about what boundaries are and how to have them, but reading this book has propelled me to a new level of understandi...more
This book was astounding! Now that I've finished it my husband is reading it and having similar revelations! Granted you probably need to have some form of faith to get around the Biblical references but aside from that this is some seriously solid (and Bible based) psychology which has really been helping us sort out our issues with relationships in general! I've learned so much from this book about myself that it scares me! There are few books I read that really are eye-openers but this my fri...more
This book is changing my life. Drawing me back to my roots as as a hardshell baptist, I am astounded at the clarity with which Cloud and Townsend use the New and Old Testaments to elucidate the subject of the boundary-injured, and their dance in relationships. These two author/therapists are truly masters in their field, and if you'd like to read excerpts from this book, visit my blog at tonirahman.com, and go to the What I'm Reading page, and from there, to Boundaries, where I have collected ...more
Wow. What an amazing and very helpful book. I don't usually read self-help books, but I picked this one up after someone recommended it. It does come at the issue from a biblical point of view, quoting bible verses and such, but I really think this book could be helpful even to people that do not consider themselves religious. This book really helped me to see more clearly how developing strong boundaries is good for both me and the other parties involved. It had helpful suggestions for how to g...more
A book everyone should read. Cloud & Townsend, licensed (and thoroughly knowledgable) psychiatrists explain how to distinguish yourself from other people. That's the simple explanation, a better way to review this book is to say it showed me how to be a better person and a much better lover of people who no longer feels trapped or bound in unhealthy relationships. Great for Americans who stay in unhealthy "frenemy" relationships, resent their spouses but don't know how to change...more
Im Always recommending this to people! Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries help us be honest about out feelings and all the things we could hide, but it feels so much better to be REAL. We are responsible to be real with ourselves, and others... It helps calm the anger we always thought we had the right to when we have felt disrespected etc wi...more
I think this is a really helpful book. There were many points in the book where the message hit home with me. Even though I feel as if I've reached a point in my life where I have a pretty good handle on boundaries, I was able to look back and remember some other times where I didn't. This book put into words a lot of the things that I learned from those experiences but hadn't really had the understanding to nail it down so solidly. I feel its a book that could benefit a lot of people, but e...more
I LOVE this book. It was one of Dave Ramsey's recommended reads and has helped me (and continues to help me)through a difficult situation. Guilt and manipulation can only govern your life if you allow it. Decide who you are and who you are responsible for and make every decision from that mindset. Make a choice or the choice makes you. Wonderful read for newlyweds, graduates or anyone who feels the need to please in opposition to their goals. Your family tree will get a dose of nutrients f...more
There are no discussion topics on this book yet.
Be the first to start one »
