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So Hard to Say

by Alex Sanchez (Goodreads Author)

3.73 of 5 stars 3.73 · rating details · 1,663 ratings · 108 reviews

When Frederick shows up at school, Xio is thrilled. The new boy is shy, cute, and definitely good boyfriend material. Before long, she pulls him into her lively circle of friends.

Frederick knows he should be flattered by Xio's attention. After all, she's popular, pretty, and a lot of fun. So why can't he stop thinking about Victor, the captain of the soccer team, instead?

Paperback, 240 pages

Published April 25th 2006 by Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers (first published September 28th 2004)

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The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green

Best YA Fiction with GLBTQQI themes / characters

44th out of 373 books — 1,076 voters

DCPL 's Teen GLBT Booklist, for OWL

21st out of 63 books — 137 voters

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Jan 28, 2013 Maria Arms rated it 3 of 5 stars

So hard to say is a interesting book that makes you want to keep reading.

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Mar 31, 2012 Claudia Gonzalez rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book because it had two different sides on the story. One was Xio and the other was Fredericks. I liked the combination on how the author took the sides and made them thier view of the story. Basically its about a girl who is falling inlove with the new kid in school and becomes closer to him. As they become closer and closer Frederick dosen't know what to do because while he is flattered that Xio likes him, all he can ever think and want to be with is Victor. He is stuck b...more

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Mar 18, 2012 Addie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: glbt-lit, grades-5-8, young-adult-lit, latino-lit

So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez
Interest level: Grades 7-9
Lexile: 690

Eighth-grader Frederick moves from Wisconsin to a new town in California and thirteen-year-old Xio befriends him right away, taking him into her group of girlfriends. Actually, Xio wants to be more than friends, but Frederick is not into her – he can’t stop thinking about Victor, the captain of the soccer team. Xio is determined to make Frederick her boyfriend, but Frederick is beginning to wonder why he’s never wanted to kiss an...more So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez
Interest level: Grades 7-9
Lexile: 690

Eighth-grader Frederick moves from Wisconsin to a new town in California and thirteen-year-old Xio befriends him right away, taking him into her group of girlfriends. Actually, Xio wants to be more than friends, but Frederick is not into her – he can’t stop thinking about Victor, the captain of the soccer team. Xio is determined to make Frederick her boyfriend, but Frederick is beginning to wonder why he’s never wanted to kiss any girls before and is very confused about his feelings. When he ends up kissing Xio at a party, all Frederick can think about is kissing Victor. The story revolves around Frederick’s internal conflict and confusion as he struggles with the question, “Am I gay?” It alternates between Frederick’s and Xio’s point of view so the reader gets multiple perspectives.

Frederick finally tells Xio that he’s gay and they remain friends. Xio also has an idea that maybe her dad was gay and that’s why he moved to San Francisco with his “roommate.” Xio’s mom had the same suspicions but nothing definite ever comes of this – Xio and her mother just believe that maybe he hasn’t come to terms with his sexuality himself and so he hasn’t come out to anyone yet. Xio’s mother is accepting when she finds out Frederick is gay.

There is also lots of drama at school, where the environment is hostile – kids make fun of Iggy, a boy at school who they call “faggot” and “queer.” Frederick and Iggy start hanging out and become friends. Right after Frederick comes out to Xio, he goes to tell Iggy that he’s gay and they kiss. Frederick is now very sure that he has feelings for boys and not girls. Victor remains friends with Frederick and stops making gay jokes and comments about Iggy and Frederick. He’s more accepting than the other kids and Frederick thinks Victor knows he’s gay, even though Frederick isn’t officially out to everyone at school. Frederick never comes out to his parents, but it is implied that they’d be OK with it – they don’t think being gay is wrong. Iggy, however, can’t tell his parents he’s gay because they are very religious and believe being gay is morally wrong.

This book is realistic, the characters are likeable and it deals with an important topic. Many students will identify with the characters and the issues involved in the story. It also has a lot of details about Mexican-American culture because Xio’s mother is from Mexico. There are lots of Spanish words with English translations. It’s a great multicultural book for middle schoolers dealing with gay/lesbian issues and Latino culture. My one complaint with the book is that the story ended very abruptly without much of a resolution, which was disappointing.

While this book is aimed at a middle school audience and it not graphic, it is very realistic, depicting teenage life in a very authentic way, and uses some mature language. If you’re looking for something a little more tame for younger readers (5th- 7th grade), I would highly recommend Totally Joe, a companion novel to The Misfits, which features a gay male main character coming to terms with his sexuality and coming out to his friends and family. It is less about the internal struggle and deals more with the bigger issues involved in being gay and in middle school - bullying, civil rights, gay-straight alliances, religion, parents’ reactions, etc. It’s So Hard to Say is definitely more about one boy’s internal struggle as he comes to terms with being gay, how the people around him react to him coming out, and how he deals with the middle school drama relating to sexuality.
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Apr 02, 2011 Rory rated it 3 of 5 stars

It Happened

Here's the thing--this book is by the same author of a well known gay young adult trilogy so the suspense factor surrounding the male lead's possible sexuality is pretty much unimportant. The writing on the wall is there from the first chapter or two so that element of surprise is---

Gone

But what is interesting about the story is that he tells the action between two very distinct and thought out leads. Xio and Fredrick each have a very particular POV when it comes to the events in the...more

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Jan 21, 2010 Alex rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: young-adult, queer, fiction

This was a very cute easy to read book. How easy? I picked it up at 5 from the library after work and finished it by 9:45. I also ate dinner and went grocery shopping in there. But then again, this is a young adult book (aimed at 13 year olds, I'd guess).

Having read alot of Sanchez in the past two weeks, I've noticed some patterns in his stories and some psuedo crossovers. Such as in this book the narrator mentions a news article about a basketball player who came out (just like Jason did in Ra...more

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Jul 28, 2009 Dianna rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: eh

THIS REVIEW HALFWAY CONTAINS SPOILERS!! (basically it's me talking about the characters but there are a few things you could glean from this that might be considered spoilers, though they're small. but if you're supersensitive about stuff like that, then don't freak out and read it.)

oh my gosh. Xio is SO crazy and a little delusional all because she tells herself he's shy due to his cancerousness. no WONDER she got into that mess, she just didn't get it!!

and Frederick...kindof a waste of a nice...more

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Nov 16, 2011 Wendy rated it 4 of 5 stars

IRB - So hard to say by Alex Sanchez

People are always judged all around the world just because they aren't the same as everyone else. They are looked and known as the “weird ones”. This kind of behavior is unnecessary and unacceptable in this society, but the so called normal ones still continue on picking on them. The Bi, lesbian, travesty and the gay are the ones who are pushed around and many attempt to end there lives because they cant take the bullying anymore. Reading “So hard to say” by...more IRB - So hard to say by Alex Sanchez

People are always judged all around the world just because they aren't the same as everyone else. They are looked and known as the “weird ones”. This kind of behavior is unnecessary and unacceptable in this society, but the so called normal ones still continue on picking on them. The Bi, lesbian, travesty and the gay are the ones who are pushed around and many attempt to end there lives because they cant take the bullying anymore. Reading “So hard to say” by Alex Sanchez opened up my mind a bit more. This book talks about how a boy learns to find out that he may be gay by the group of friends he makes when he moves to a different state. I like the way the author Alex Sanchez uses imagery characterization
A white Caucasian boy name Fredrick who starts 8th grade in California sees him slef to join a group of Latina girls that call themselves ‘Las sexy Seis”. He became close with them especially there top leader name Xio who lended him a pencil on his first day. She invited him to seat with her and her friends and he tagged along with them. To everyone besides Fredrick, it was obvious that Xio wanted to get with him. Alex Sanchez uses good characterization description with these 12 year old. Xio really wanted to get with Fredrick and he just liked her as a best “girl” friend. Xio is the typical hot pretty perfect and most popular girl in school. But Fredrick came to realize that he is not ready to be a boyfriend or have a girlfriend.
Since it is his first time in a new school, he decides to give soccer a try and finds himself a group of boys to play with. Using his own words he finds a really nice tall Hispanic guy name Victor. Victor is the captain of the boys soccer team. Fredrick finds himself always thinking about him and not on Xio who is the one who really likes him. After having these feelings for Victor, for the first time in his life he starts to question his sexual orientation.
The title of these book goes very well with the story's theme, It really is hard to say it or admit it to someone that you are different then everyone else. People make it seem wrong to be different then everyone else. The gay bu lesbian and transvesi never come out into the open on there own because of the fear that they have that they will get picked on for being different. Its so hard to admit to other and more importantly to yourself that you may have feeling for someone who is from the same gender as you. Reading these book gave me the chills and made me realize that being different maybe seem bad at first but in reality its just going to get harder and will effect you if your feeling are kept bundled up for to long. Weather people know it or not but, keeping secrets can make someone go crazy.
This book was an overall success trying to get there point through someones mind. I would totally recommend this book to anyone and everyone. (less)

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Nov 21, 2011 Lydia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya-lgbt, ya-romance

Once again, Sanchez has written a wonderful story of identity confusion and realization, as we4ll as of friendship. He really has a knack for tapping into the psychological and sociological issues that confront LGBT teens as well as their relationships with all other teens in the high school/teen environment. Furthermore, he is also expert at considering how parents may or may not deal with the issue of their teen's identity issues.

I particularly like this novel in its aspect of a female teen fa...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Abigail rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-2013, teen-lgbt

To start with, I hadn't been prepared for Frederick and Xio to be quite so young, but having the young perspective was nice after the slew of high school books I've been reading. At first I found Xio to be a little annoying but then I stepped back and realised now well Alex Sanchez managed to capture a 13 year old girl's voice. Not long after that did I start remembering myself being exactly like Xio when I was 13.

To top it off, I can vouch for how realistic "So Hard to Say" is as from when I w...more

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Jun 21, 2012 Josiah rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

"Half of me thought I knew everything. But the other half of me believed I wouldn't ever know anything at all."

―So Hard to Say, P. 147

A year before the publication of James Howe's Totally Joe, which would cause significant change in people's perception of the market for a book of this kind aimed at middle-grade readers, Alex Sanchez had already written and released So Hard to Say, a story that bravely and with much emotional honesty faces issues that might not have made it to print a few year...more

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Jun 25, 2011 Kellee rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: lbgt, middle-grade, realistic-fiction

I was so glad to find this book. LBGT is not represented enough in middle school libraries (classroom or school) and I've been searching for books that could be put in middle schools. First, I found Boy meets Boy by David Levithan and then someone told me about this book. I was skeptical, because I knew about Alex Sanchez's Rainbow Boy books and some of the explicit things in there, but I researched and everywhere said ages 10-15 for this book. So, I got it, read it and LOVED IT!

This book is th...more

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Apr 26, 2011 Karen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010-2011-advisory

This book is talk about a girl called Xio comes to a new school, and there is a boy called Frederick always help her, so they become very friend to each other. Therefore, Xio begins love this boy, and they already kiss each other, so it makes Xio feels Frederick loves her too. However, Frederick thinks that just a friend kiss, it makes Xio very sad. Frederick also love a boy and kiss to him, it makes Xio thinks he is gay, and reminds her father is gay too. However, it makes Xio understand to let...more

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Dec 17, 2010 Ashley rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: identity, multiple-pov, queer, teen, friendship

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez is a about two kids from different backgrounds and cultures coming together and discovering things about themselves. Xio, an 13 year old Latina whose father left her when she was little, is a very forward girl and always gets what she wants and she wants Frederick. Frederick is the new kid from the Mid-West who finds it a little difficult to cope with not only a new place but a different culture as well. He also has some internal struggles he tries to work out.

The...more So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez is a about two kids from different backgrounds and cultures coming together and discovering things about themselves. Xio, an 13 year old Latina whose father left her when she was little, is a very forward girl and always gets what she wants and she wants Frederick. Frederick is the new kid from the Mid-West who finds it a little difficult to cope with not only a new place but a different culture as well. He also has some internal struggles he tries to work out.

The book is told from Xio and Frederick's point of view and while they are both distinguishable they are also very generic and bland. The writing from Xio's perspective s vapid and two-dimensional; I understand that the character is a self-centered pre-teen but her voice was too whiny and clueless and boring for me to have any sympathy for her. She was actually quite annoying. I thought that Frederick's voice was much more developed and interesting. His voice was very believable as a young boy questioning his sexuality which has only really developed in the time he has been at his new school. As a young teen in a new place Frederick finds himself in a position where new things are starting to happen in a completely foreign environment. He meets Xio who is a conceited but self-assured young teen who decides that she wants him to be his boyfriend as well as Iggy, the aienated "queer" and Victor, the hot soccer captain.

One last closing issue was the use of the Spanish language throughout the book. I am personally not a big fan of incorporating language into books because it is always forced and awkward and out of place which was exactly the case here. Being Mexican myself I realize that the Spanish is only there to hint at the culture rather that capture it. Real Latinos use Spanglish like the book does but with more frequency and fluidity so that you don't realize it. The glossary at the end is useful but I feel that the words should be understood in the context and should not have to be put in a glossary.

Overall the book was ok; the female voice was horrid, the overall writing was mediocre, and the Spanglish was disappointing. The only redeeming quality was Frederick and his innocent journey of finding his identity and the courage to be who he is in a new place. I think it's a good coming out story for middle school readers (if they can stand reading Xio's point of view).(less)

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Dec 23, 2008 ☆•Käthÿÿ•☆ rated it 5 of 5 stars

My favorite character of this book is Carmen,and Xio. They are my favorite character because each one of them have different personality. First, Carmen is the type of girl that is not shy on asking or telling people what other thing about them. For example, she asked Frederick if he was gay and he stay shut and she didn't feel like it was a bad moment to ask. Another funny thing about Carmen is that she has this boyfriend his name is Victor and she saw him in the mall holding a girls hand. Then...more

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Feb 10, 2012 Roxy rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya-fiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Mar 22, 2012 Yu Ting Zhu rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 9th-grade-books-review

Just like the book title, sometimes there are many things hard to tell other because you feel embarrassed or the things might hurt other. In this book, a 8th grade girl named Xio fall in love with a new student called Frederick. They kiss each other, and Xio feel that Frederick must be love her too. Unfortunately, Frederick thinks that just a friend kiss, he figure out he love a boy. Xio feel sad at first, but finally let it go, started to become friend with Frederick again.
Frederick shows me th...more

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Apr 12, 2009 Duane rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a great book for anyone to read. It follows the day to day life of a girl who has a crush on a fellow student who is struggling with his true identity. I like the writing style when the author uses each chapter to explain the viewpoint of each character's thoughts and situations. I really fell in love with both main characters. Frederick who is struggling with his real identity is such a lost soul that you want to wrap your arms around him and make his love himself. Carman, the lively gi...more

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Jun 04, 2009 Katie M. rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2008, queer, ya

Super cute and pretty lighthearted but not overly so... this isn't David Levithan's made-up gay high school, but it's not any kind of anguished coming-out story, either. Can we just take a moment to be eternally gratefully that queer adolescent narratives have evolved beyond the days when the only way someone could be gay is if they were miserable and then died at the end? A little bit of whiteness/Latinoness is touched on... not much, but more than you'll find from most white authors. This one...more

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Oct 13, 2012 7706marley rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really loved this book. This book is about 2 main characters. I really like how in each chapter, the point of view changes from character to character.

A new boy named Frederick moves into Xio's school and she really likes Frederick. But soon Frederick sees this boy in the school who turns out to be homosexual . After Frederick really meets this boy,Frederick is not so sure about himself anymore. When Xio realizes she likes Frederick ,she starts making "moves". But now Frederick doesn't know wh...more

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Jan 07, 2013 Elizabeth rated it 4 of 5 stars

It is tough when you are brand new to a high school and you have moved from Wisconsin to California. It is tougher when it seems like everyone is dating and pairing off. And it is even tougher when derogatory language about homosexuality is used around you. Frederick is experiencing all of this and more as he grapples with whether he may be gay or not. His first new friend in the school is Xio who desperately wants to be Frederick's girlfriend. Will it work out? How will both Frederick and Xio m...more

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May 15, 2013 7703alannah rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really loved this book because it shows both characters point of view which makes me very sympathetic. The topic of teens coming out is becoming bigger and this book goes into depth on the topic. This book is about a boy who moves to a new town and a girl falls in love with him, but while she thinks they are dating he is having feelings for the school soccer captain, a guy.I enjoyed this book and i really got into it and couldn't put it down. Anyone who likes social issues books, coming out bo...more

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May 22, 2012 David rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is an easy to read, light, sweet story. It focuses on a young boy and his first girl friend, not his girlfriend.

The chapters flip flop between the two main characters' point of view of events, giving more of a diary-esque feel to the story.

This book is definitely more suitable for the junior high kids as I think older readers can be easily bored with the format and style.

As all of Alex Sanchez' work, definitely enjoyable and well written. I think any young person would benefit from it, esp...more

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Aug 14, 2012 John Amory rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: lgbtq-ya-lit

I applaud Sanchez for dealing with the issue of homosexuality in young teens in a mid-level book. But the way he does it is didactic and borderline offensive at times. Xio's voice is over-the-top annoying, and I couldn't stand any chapter in which she was narrating. Frederick is bit more tolerable, but his story is one that has been told time and time again. And the way Sanchez writes him, typical of his style, is grating with the constant rhetorical questions. There's better out there to be rea...more

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Jun 07, 2011 Chris rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Teens who are questioning themselves, parents with children of self-doubt

Shelves: books-read-2012, fiction, gay-youth, homosexual-issues, romance, young-adult, teen

This story is about a boy who moves away from all his friends to a new city and has to start all over again with making friends. Only this time his new set of friends are very much different from the ones he grew up around. For one thing, most of the kids in this school are hispanic, whereas, it was the opposite at his old school, where most of his school was all white.

On the first day of school one of the more talkative girls, Zio, there notices the new kid, Frederick, after she sees that he do...more This story is about a boy who moves away from all his friends to a new city and has to start all over again with making friends. Only this time his new set of friends are very much different from the ones he grew up around. For one thing, most of the kids in this school are hispanic, whereas, it was the opposite at his old school, where most of his school was all white.

On the first day of school one of the more talkative girls, Zio, there notices the new kid, Frederick, after she sees that he doesn't have a pen to use for class. In order to find a way to talk to the new "cute" boy, she finds a pen for him to borrow, which he shly accepts.

As the book progresses you start to learn more about each of the girls lives and why most of their dads do not live with them. In contrast, the new white kid has an intact family, with him being an only child. As life at school moves on, the girl who lent the pen starts to develop deeper emotions for the boy who she finds extremely cute with the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen before.

In all her efforts and wisdom that she gleens from those in her life, she goes on to learn that if the girl wants a boy to do anything, she has to make the first move, with that advice in mind, she pushes the new boy to many new heights at school and in their friendship. He makes friends with her friends as well as a few boys at the school, one even who gets bullied alot because of how he acts.

The story goes on to show just how Frederick is confused and not sure what he wants, especially with all the attention he is getting from everyone, especially Xio, and it is with this pressure that he starts to find out who he really is in the process.

This is a great book for any young boy who is struggling to come to terms with their identity or still trying to figure out parts of their lives. The writting is not complex and is easy to follow for any young boy who wants to understand more about their feelings and who they are. If you are a parent with a young child who you can see is having trouble understanding their own identity then be the one to show them this book. It may help take the pressure out of their life, even for just a little bit.

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Oct 30, 2009 Tara Lynn rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: booklist-for-2009, lgbt-selections

I have mixed feelings about this book. First of all, I should start by saying that by saying that I've read a few of Alex Sanchez' LBGT books for teens before, and I thought that they were great. that said, I'm a little disappointed that this one fell so far off the mark.

I can imagine that as a Latino male, Sachez probably wanted to inject more of a cultural feel into Xio, a cute, Mexican girl who narrates half of the story. however, in some moments, this "cultural" feel becomes a little overwh...more

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Mar 31, 2009 Mark rated it 4 of 5 stars

From the moment you meet the main character, Sanchez has you feeling protective of him. He's the new kid in school. He's smaller than everyone else. Even the culture in the region of the country he now lives in is unfamiliar to him. He needs the reader to be on his side, ready to care for him, no matter what.

And I did care about this character, even though I thought some of the characteristics were stereotypical. Both the gay teens were neat freaks, well organized, and liked boy bands. (Alex, yo...more

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Nov 15, 2010 Michellel rated it 4 of 5 stars

I like how this story has two point of views from a girl and boy.I think this it's unique that the author made a character where he likes hanging out with girls instead of boys.after I finished the book I noticed something.the author has two characters that are gay.I wonder where the author got the idea of it.there's one scene in the book where the two gay people,Frederick and Iggy,were kissing,It was sick!But other than that the book was really interesting.I also wonder why it's called so hard...more

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Jul 01, 2009 Tracy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended in Publisher's Weekly by Jordan McAuley, I realized I needed to diversify my reading.

The book was well written. I especially liked the main character viewpoints. Does it stereotype? No more than other coming of age books where all girls enjoy shopping and all guys enjoy sports. I took it in stride that the author was trying to find commonalities as the main character searched for his identity. So Hard to Say is well worth reading.

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Apr 06, 2009 Jain rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: american-literature, fiction, juvenile-fiction, poc-author, lgbt, northamerican, 2009-reads

Frederick's a fairly bland character, but Xio's a lot more fun to read about (although her excessive teeniness got a little grating at times). The best parts of the book were the scenes featuring Xio and her girlfriends from school.

Unfortunately, the book as a whole felt too insubstantial; it's the first half of a coming out narrative, with the majority of its scenes revolving around painfully clumsy attempts at (mostly heterosexual) adolescent romance.

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Jan 26, 2013 Kilani rated it 5 of 5 stars

I remember reading this book when I was in the fifth grade. I was the type of reader that had an 8th grade reading level in the 5th grade. I never read a book like this before, it was all new to me. I feel this book had given me a new perspective on life and self discovery. I was no longer ignorant about the lgbt society and that finding their identity is a big deal. So I'm glad I got to read this book, even if it was at a young age.

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About Alex Sanchez

Alex Sanchez is the author of the Rainbow Boys trilogy of teen novels, along with The God Box, Getting It, and the Lambda Award-winning middle-grade novel So Hard to Say. His novel, Bait, won the 2009 Florida Book Award Gold Medal for YA fiction. Alex received his master’s degree in guidance and counseling from Old Dominion University and for many years worked as a youth and family counselor. His...more

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