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The Peacemaker: Handling Conflict Without Fighting Back or Running Away - Student Edition

4.21  ·  Rating Details ·  2,876 Ratings  ·  166 Reviews
Sooner or later, conflict will come. But how you handle it makes all the difference.

You might be dealing with a bully at school, parents who just won't see things your way, a coach who has it in for you, or some other conflict; it's a part of life you can't escape. The good news is that God cares about your struggles and gives you powerful truths in his Word. Practice his

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Published April 1st 2008 by Baker Books (first published October 1st 1990)
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Bob Price
Conflict is inevitable. You put two people in a room and you will get at least five different opinions on something and they will fight.

Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is designed to help resolve conflict and be restored to one another. The concept may seem simple, and a lot of what Sande says is common sense, but it is still a book that should be required reading, especially in the church.

Sande's main point is that God hates conflict and that we should do whatever we can to resolve conflict.
David Zimmerman
Sep 26, 2016 David Zimmerman rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
I purchased my first copy of The Peacemaker off a discount shelf. I figured I had little to lose at 75% off the cover price. Since then, I have purchased and given away many copies of this wonderful book. It is the best resource I own on resolving conflict biblically AND successfully. After 30 years in full-time ministry, it is still on my Top Reads.

The strength of The Peacemaker is that it avoids the all-too-common trend of presenting humanistic principles of psychology dressed up in religious
Oct 31, 2011 Matt rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is a truly useful book for any Christian not living in seclusion... Instead of another "Christian" book about conflict, with pithy admonitions to resolve it because of our faith, Sande creates a compilation of strategies to actually DO something. Chapters are basically lists, charts, and/or checklists with further explanation of each individual segment. That's not to say that Sande is absent from the book as a writer, in fact the personal stories that he shares give credibility to his theor ...more
Jul 01, 2009 Giedra rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Read with church group. I thought the ideas in this book were good--but most of them seemed obvious to me, and I could have done without all the "7 Keys to This" and "4 Ts of That."

However, despite my negative review, I would still recommend the book for someone looking for concrete ideas on how to work through conflict, particularly if you are someone who avoids conflict or if you anticipate that conflict could become uncivil to where reconciliation becomes that much more difficult to achieve.
Peter Pinyol
Oct 17, 2014 Peter Pinyol rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoy reading this books. I have been readings others from the same topic in this time of my ministry, and I really believes this one gives a very practical way of resolving conflicts, it is sad that just a few christians follows the principles pressented in this book. Conflict is not an enemy is a friendthat help us to resolve truth, the problem is that we do not know how to work or deal with conflic and for that reason there are so many unresolved situation in our churches today.
Amanda R
May 05, 2009 Amanda R rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A must read! Too many valuable and practical lessons to list here, but one that stands out is the description and practical explanation of forgiveness. I have spent many Sundays sitting in churches, and I have never heard a compelling and practical explanation of what it means to forgive and what that looks like, but I found it in this book.
One of the most helpful books I have read this year. Definitely a profitable read on resolving conflict. Ken Sande presents a Gospel-focused approach, encouraging a Biblical method to humbly addressing both your sin and your "enemy's" instead of just trying to solve the problem.
Rebekah Courter
What an incredible book. I would consider it a must read for every Christian. We are called to be peacemakers. What are we doing about it?
Douglas Wilson
Mar 24, 2009 Douglas Wilson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very good.
Nathan Albright
Aug 11, 2016 Nathan Albright rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: challenge
It is perhaps to my shame that this is not a book I had heard of, nor is it a book that I would have been likely to pick up and read, except that it was given to me by a friend of mine, even if it took me quite a while to get to the book. It does not take a person of great discernment or understanding to realize that conflict has been an extremely important matter in nearly every aspect of my life, from my intellectual studies [1] to my lifetime of interpersonal drama [2]. Without going into suc ...more
Stacy Wyatt
Nov 28, 2016 Stacy Wyatt rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reference
This book is absolutely changing my life and in a great, and longed -for way! I am amazed! I never thought a book could change me and help me so much! I'm so excited and newly hopeful now!
Jan 13, 2017 Lindstromsteph rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: biblical
A must read & re- read to remember the concepts & Biblical examples. Conflict is an opportunity, what forgiveness really is, what four fears underline all conflicts (behind all false idols).
Dec 31, 2016 Tabitha rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction, paper, 2014, 2015, 2016
4.5 stars

I read a paper edition but this cover matches my book cover.

This book was a recommendation from my pastor when I asked about a good book on peacemaking and resolving conflict. I took a long time going through it. Parts of it are hard to read and parts of it I made go slower by reading a lot of scripture while going through chapters from it. I think the book would be helpful for anyone. I found part 4 on reconciliation to be eye opening. I would recommend this book but suggest reading t
Jessica Bang
3.5 stars
Josh Wilson
Apr 06, 2013 Josh Wilson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: formation
Ken Sande, The Peace Maker
In his book The Peace Maker Ken Sande introduces the church to the oft overlooked Biblical principles of conflict resolution and casts a vision of the radical impact these principles would have if the church actually took the Scriptural teaching on forgiveness and reconciliation seriously. Sande explains that although often Christians handle conflict no differently than unbelievers, conflict in fact provides great opportunities to glorify God in the process as our fait
Savio Sebastian
Aug 25, 2016 Savio Sebastian rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2016
Great book on resolving conflict and living peaceful lives. A reference manual with lots of practical help on how to go about resolving conflict.

Here are some of my notes from the book:

Every conflict is ordained by god. He knows it and he cares for you through it.

He loves you with an everlasting love. He loves you and take comfort in that. He works everything together for good.

We may not be able to see it but we can take comfort in knowing that he is both in control and that he loves you.

Jan 17, 2008 Ray rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The Peacemaker is the most helpful guide I have found to assist Christians in resolving conflict. It takes an uncommonly Biblical approach, leading one through a process designed to foster reconciliation, to God's glory. One is instructed in ways to "get the log out of your eye"; to "go and show your brother his faults," and to "go and be reconciled." These principles are applied to a variety of situations: third-party conciliation, forgiveness, confession, church discipline, self-examination, c ...more
Jeff Wayman
A tough review...

If you are looking for biblically-based teaching on conflict resolution, look no further. In the same regard, for those not on that mission, you may at times find the suggestions and approach frustrating - I encourage you to still read it, if nothing else than to adapt the ideas into you r own personal framework.

The biggest complaint I have is that I often found some of what was suggested at odds with core principles it established just moments earlier. For example, kill the ag
Jan 12, 2008 Anita rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone
By far this is one of the most practical and god centered books for biblical conflict resolution. The book is not just for people who have trouble with anger or who are in some sort of legal disagreement. Conflict is something we deal with every day because we basically all have different agendas. Often these agendas crash and people have to deal with this conflict. We can avoid it or the person, we can attack the person, or we can seek to work it out with the person and be truly biblical peacem ...more
Conflicts are something we all face. The Peacemaker provides Biblical and practical solutions to conflict. Resolving conflicts in a Biblical manner can be a powerful testimony of God's love and grace in our lives. I appreciated how Ken Sande applies Biblical principles to conflict resolution in a very practical way. He shows when it is right to overlook an offense and when it isn't. Peacemaking is the key to unity within a church, family, or any relationship. Attempting to escape conflict by den ...more
Jan 05, 2016 Meggie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The Peacemaker changed the way I think about conflict. No longer is conflict a negative "flare-up" in a relationship to be quickly put-down, but a positive interaction with an opportunity to deepen a relationship. It centers completely in the gospel and our identity as we approach conflict, a totaly counter to our culture and sinful tendancies. I was refreshed and challenged in my faith as I read this, and encouraged to approach conflict more positively. Sande offers many practical tips and step ...more
Oct 01, 2009 Shannon rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Of the books I've read, this is by far the best on conflict resolution. Biblical foundations are apparant throughout, and study questions complete each chapter. I could spend a lot of time studying through this book and learning to apply it. It's not drowning in testimonies, but there are enough to convince the reader that the Bible's ways are worth trying. ;) Plenty of references lead a person back to the Bible so he doesn't have to take the Ken Sande's word for it. I would recommend this to an ...more
Jan 19, 2009 Melinda rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: christian
An excellent book to read, although a difficult one. Each example brings personal examples to mind of how these basic Biblical principles have not always been the norm in my own life.

Interesting thoughts about "does peace mean we have unity in all things?", "how do you reconcile and balance passages where we are told to judge others by their fruits", etc.

It would be worthwhile to attend a Peacemaker event or Bible study, to further develop an understanding of what it really means to be a peacema
It was a compelling read. Really thought provoking, since it made me reflect on what kind of person, what kind of Christian I am. And I realized I had, what they say, a plank in my eye. Yet I'm quick to judge others? It was a really good reminder of that, and how to amend my actions as well my thoughts so I can better glorify God, even in conflicts.

I borrowed this book from a person who highly recommended it, and now I want to buy it so I can study it some more! I think everybody should read th
Dan Curnutt
Apr 08, 2008 Dan Curnutt rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
How do we as Christians handle conflict? Usually we handle it very poorly. Ken Sandes book is a great introduction into handling conflict in a Biblical manner. I believe that every Christian should read this book and seriously consider how to apply the principles to their lives.

I only wish that I had read this book thirty years ago. It would have changed the way that I handled lots of conflict situations. I can only say that I use to hurt others in the way I handled conflict. I trust that after
Matt Anderson
This is a great resource for people trying to work on changing their own ways for the better. Among other things, this book had advice for people who:

-are having trouble forgiving others.
-are having trouble with their anger.
-tend to get into disagreements with others.
-are arguing too often with their spouse.
-want to forgive, but don't know how.
-want to be a person of peace, but don't act that way.

As with many books, there were parts of this book that really resonated with me, and other parts tha
Eric Chappell
Aug 01, 2014 Eric Chappell rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2014-reading
A solid book on conflict resolution; probably one of the best out there.

There's nothing in this book that is earth-shatteringly profound; but it is eminently practical in laying out a paradigm for peacemaking. From the 4 G's of peacemaking, the 7 A's of Confession, 4 promises of forgiveness, the Slippery Slope of conflict, and the P.A.U.S.E principle, there were memorable tools and a gospel-centered method of resolving everyday conflict in relationships, the home, the church, and in society. De
Oct 16, 2008 Brett rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Full of illustrations, scripture, and practical application, The Peacemaker offers the four "G's" of interpersonal reconciliation: Glorify God; Get the long out of your eye; Gently restore; Go and be reconciled. Sande's principles and applications are generally deeply rooted in both scripture and practical experience. However, Sande also enjoys dabbling in prooftexts, false analogies, and ill-reasoned arguments. Sande's approach to the contemporary church is often reactionary and his use of scri ...more
Ronia Dubbaneh
Jan 26, 2016 Ronia Dubbaneh rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very helpful, extremely convicting. This book has humbled me to see that in almost all personal conflict, I contribute to it regardless of how much I feel wronged; that reconciliation can only begin after seeing my own sins and faults and confessing them to others. Not an easy read because who likes to deal with conflict and be confronted by how much they are contributors to it? But a necessary read because who likes to live in ruined relationships? Best part: biblically-based and gospel-founded ...more
Alexis Neal
An excellent resource, both for personal conflict resolution and for larger scale conflicts. Sande keeps the focus on the gospel, which he presents clearly throughout the book. His conflict resolution principles are solidly rooted in the gospel, and, quite frankly, make a lot of sense from a psychological perspective.

All too often, poor conflict resolution skills result in the accidental escalation of conflict. This book should be required reading for all married/engaged couples and all pastors
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Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal dispute ...more
More about Ken Sande...

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“It is easier to accept your limits if you have a biblical view of success. The world defines success in terms of what a person possesses, controls, or accomplishes. God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his will. The world asks, 'What results have your achieved?' God asks, 'Were you faithful to my ways?” 4 likes
“Forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises:

"I will not think about this incident."
"I will not bring up this incident again or use it against you."
"I will not talk to others about this incident."
"I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship."

By making and keeping these promises, you tear down the walls that stand between you and your offender. You promise not to dwell on or brood over the problem, nor to punish by holding the person at a distance. You clear the way for your relationship to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs. This is exactly what God does for us, and it is what he commands us to do for others.”
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