Parallel Play

Aug 26, 2010 Tim Page added it · review of another edition

I am the author of "Parallel Play" and thought that my new introduction to the paperback edition might be of interest to readers:

It is now almost two years since I scribbled down the final words of “Parallel Play” at a window table in my favorite Baltimore bar. Initial jubilation was followed by some premonition about the reception that this most personal of my books might receive – from friends, family, colleagues and strangers, who would now know much more about me than I would ever be likely...more

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Lynda Mcintyre I came across "Parallel Play" while randomly browsing the shelves in my library. Because of the subtitle I grabbed it, hoping it might give me more cl...more I came across "Parallel Play" while randomly browsing the shelves in my library. Because of the subtitle I grabbed it, hoping it might give me more clues into both my son's and my behavior. It did, and if I could find a way to get my 25-year-old "subclinical Asperger's" son to read it, I would. Maybe it would help him.

I struggled through childhood and adolescence trying to figure out how other people seemed to know how to make friends and "be" in the world. The addition of alcohol at age 18 (I was in NY state, where that was legal in 1967) helped a great deal, and for the next 12 years provided the social lubricant my creaky skills required. Then I stopped - and eventually was diagnosed with chronic depression and/or manic depression at 41.

My son has struggled many times more than I. He was diagnosed at 17 (after 10 years of my struggles with both his father and the school system to figure out what was going on with him and his inability to get organized, stay on a task, prioritize, or have any friends beyond his one best friend. Extraordinarily bright, he would have been better served in a private school, or in home schooling, where his abilities would not have been stifled or scorned. But his father would not listen, and certainly did not believe it was anything more than an unwillingness to TRY.

At age 17 my son was diagnosed with "severe" executive function disorder and "subclinical Asperger's" and had the chance to participate in a social group of boys like him. This helped. It did nothing, however, for the chronic low-level depression and severe anxiety which still plagues him today, despite his heavy use of self-medication (alcohol and weed). He continues to refuse any counseling or other help. He is in a deep slough, and has lost sight of his gifts (writing, extensive and thorough knowledge of movies and how they are made, written and produced, drawing, and photography).

Dropping the subtitle is probably a good idea, because I, too, was expecting (hoping?) for more of a guide for how to navigate this. I am still grateful for the book, and found it extraordinarily easy to read, and beautifully crafted. Your writing style is wonderfully clear and literate.

Thank you for writing it.
Lynda McIntyre
Severna Park, MD(less)
Dec 09, 2010 06:26am

Oct 05, 2009 Cathy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in my forties, I can appreciate the feeling of relief it must have been for Tim Page to get a diagnosis/explanation for his "differentness".
That said, his Aspergers shows in the book. It is a memoir of childhood and young adulthood with tons of info about music, which is Page's love and profession. Very little is said about people in his life: parents, wife, children. The reader knows that Tim cares for people. After all, he mourns those lost to him on th...more

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Aug 07, 2011 Sean Kottke rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, adult-professional

This was a terrific memoir about growing up with undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome. Page is a great writer with a talent for describing sensory experiences in clear, relatable prose. This served him well in his career as a music critic, and it serves him well here in the project of helping the neurotypical reader see and feel the world through the senses of a child with Asperger's. With abiding interests in silent film and old Hollywood myself, I connected well with Page's story up through early a...more

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Nov 09, 2010 Herb Reeves rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I have many of the traits ascribed to Asperger's, but other than the informed opinion of a friend, I have had no official diagnosis.

Although many of the symptoms are good fits, and I have no problem accepting the possibility that Asperger's could be the root cause, I've recently wondered if a certain type of upbringing would result in a similar personality type. I'm an only child, and my parents (both deceased) were emotionally uncommunicative. My early enthusiasms were met mostly with indiffer...more

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Aug 26, 2010 Tim Page added it · review of another edition

I am the author of "Parallel Play" and thought that my new introduction to the paperback edition might be of interest to readers:

It is now almost two years since I scribbled down the final words of “Parallel Play” at a window table in my favorite Baltimore bar. Initial jubilation was followed by some premonition about the reception that this most personal of my books might receive – from friends, family, colleagues and strangers, who would now know much more about me than I would ever be likely...more

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Apr 27, 2010 David rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

first and last couple of pages race through some extremely interesting stuff (his two marriages and divorces, three kids, 10 books published.....) and the rest of the book alternates between fascinating incidents/vignettes (esp. being a passenger in a horrible drunk-driving car wreck as a teenager, a couple of the other passengers having died)and overlong descriptions of concerts he attended, operas he loves, drugs he took when he was a hippie, etc.

Not sure why he decided against writing much ab...more

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Dec 16, 2009 Laura rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Laura by: book group

I very much enjoyed the portions of this book where he talked about his insights into his (dis)ability ("I was probably going to be famous someday but that I was going to be alone" and "The book that helped pull me into the human race was Emily Post's Etiquette.") When there were pages of detail about silent movies or operas I'd never heard of my interest greatly waned!

I read this as a mom of a slightly quirky kid, hoping to get an insider's view of what Page wished his parents or teachers had...more

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Nov 12, 2009 Christina rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I really, really enjoyed the first few chapters of this fascinating look at a child with Asperger's. His obsessions with music and death, the need for the same conversations over and over, and description of school field trips where he cared more about bus routes and the scenery than the destination all drew me into his world.

The rest of the book was a major disappointment, however, as he spends his adolescence descending into drugs and the moral anarchy of the sixties and seventies. He spends p...more

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Oct 11, 2009 R.G. Evans rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

When I heard Tim Page interviewed on NPR in support of the memoir “Parallel Play: Growing Up with Undiagnosed Asperger’s,” I had a moment of uncanny recognition in which I felt Page was actually describing my own life rather than his. Could I have Asperger’s myself? I wondered. The feeling only intensified as I read Page’s book. “I suffer little stage fright when it comes to public speaking or appearances on radio or television,” Page writes. “I’ve got those particular acts figured out—but unstr...more

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Oct 11, 2009 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Really 4 1/2 stars-- a lovely memoir that accomplishes precisely what I think memoirs can and should-- introduce you to a life, paint a portrait of a particular time and experience, and at the same time offer something more--in this case, a consideration of living with Asperger's and an exploration of music that demonstrates Page's music criticism in a light but interesting way. His prose is smooth and goes down like a fine glass of red wine, and his metaphors and descriptions are often quietly...more

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Jun 14, 2010 Vanessa rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2010

Overall, I did like this book. Most especially the epilogue where Page discusses how the Asperger's has affected him over his life-he was diagnosed in his mid 40's. It's also very clear that he has Asperger's Syndrome from his writing which can be at times distant and track jumping (I have Asperger's as well so I say that as an observation and not a judgement.) If you want to read something to get a glimpse of how the brain functions on AS, Page is a Pulitzer Prize winning author and describes i...more

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Jan 30, 2010 Chuck rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

While Tim Page's memoir is not specifically about Asperger's syndrome, it makes clear that his intellect, personality, and career all have their footings in that condition. It was evident early on that Page was no ordinary human being; as a young child he displayed a prodigious memory, an obsessive personality, and an unusually high degree of feeling for inanimate objects. But it was music that became Page's ultimate obsession and salvation. As a four year-old he was already developing an acute...more

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Jan 03, 2010 Carol B rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Parallel Play is Tim Page's memoir of life for someone who didn't know he had Asperger's syndrome until middle adulthood. Asperger's syndrome is "an autistic disorder characterized by often superior intellectual abilities but also by obsessive behavior, ineffective communication and social awkwardness." Tim Page's account of his childhood, teenage years and young adulthood are both humorous and anquishing. It also illuminates his brilliance in his areas of intellectual enlightenment. He has beco...more

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Jul 24, 2011 Jeremy rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a short and sweet little narrative about the early life of Tim Page, who was apparently a badass music critic for the Washington Post. It combines two of my interests, music and autism, into a nice, balanced work that is entertaining and informative.

As the author cautions in his introduction, it is far from a how-to manual about raising or interacting with people with autism. In fact, his condition is more like a passenger, always along for the ride but not always immediately relevant to...more

This is a short and sweet little narrative about the early life of Tim Page, who was apparently a badass music critic for the Washington Post. It combines two of my interests, music and autism, into a nice, balanced work that is entertaining and informative.

As the author cautions in his introduction, it is far from a how-to manual about raising or interacting with people with autism. In fact, his condition is more like a passenger, always along for the ride but not always immediately relevant to the trip.

He writes that if he could do his life over again without having Asperger’s he would likely decline, because of the many gifts his condition has given him. Perhaps the greatest of these is his ability to connect intensely and viscerally with music because of his laser-like concentration on things that interest him. He does justice to the downside of this as well, describing it as near torture when someone traps him in conversation about something that he is definitely not interested in.

The book mostly deals with Tim’s early life from childhood through college, and in fact only the Epilogue contains any information about his life after that. He takes us through his early obsession with death (and all the anger, confusion, and sadness that went along with it), through his family’s year in Caracas, Venezuela for his father’s sabbatical, and through his counterculture “hippie” acid-dropping days.

Like other books written by those with autism, this one confirms that they do experience the same range of human emotions that everyone else does, even if they do not show it the way others do. The best example here is the way Tim describes a car accident involving the death of two local friends of his in Storrs, Connecticut. He continues to mark the anniversary of the event every 20th of May, and feels close to the same gut-wrenching horror that he did at the time.

Quotes:

That’s me, I thought – alone, unsupported, and hurtling through space, on my way toward nothingness.

In life, you’ll find very few people with whom you share a unique laughter that belongs only to the two of you, and it is one of the highest forms of communication.

Once somebody becomes a part of my life, I will let them out only for the most urgent of reasons. Death doesn’t count.

For some of us, stories where the characters don’t live happily ever after, where the hero is too late to save the day, where nothing is redeemed, are curiously restorative, for they present a vision of the world that serves to reinforce what we see with our own eyes, and the truth isn’t so terrible that it can’t be told.(less)

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Jan 29, 2010 Rebekah Choat rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Having a nearly-adult son who very probably also has undiagnosed Asperger's, I picked this up looking for some insight. Page writes just as an Aspie would be expected to write - heavy, detailed emphasis on his particular interests, minimal and for the most part somewhat clinical mentions of how his differences affected his family, with a few deeper glimpses into his relationship with his father and feelings toward a couple of friends. I guess the forays into drugs and the whole counter-culture w...more

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Oct 23, 2010 Tanya rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: asperger-s-autism, memoir-autobiography

Having a son with Asperger's who is fast approaching adulthood, I long to know how any Aspie makes it through all the throes of adolescence to become an independent, thriving member of the community, let alone one who is valued.

Tim Page, a gifted music critic currently writing for The Washington Post, fortunately decided to pen a memoir of his childhood and adolescence (with a brief epilogue recounting his major milestones in adulthood). This book was worth the read not only for further insight...more

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Sep 02, 2009 Jaylia3 rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The bare facts of Tim Page’s professional life show that not only has he been tremendously successful, he’s very decidedly followed his own path. His lifelong love of music led to employment as a radio show host, a platform that allowed him to interview many of his living heroes in the arts world. He won a Pulitzer Prize writing as the Washington Post’s classical music critic, a job title he’d coveted since the age of three or four. When he discovered Dawn Powell, then a mainly forgotten author...more The bare facts of Tim Page’s professional life show that not only has he been tremendously successful, he’s very decidedly followed his own path. His lifelong love of music led to employment as a radio show host, a platform that allowed him to interview many of his living heroes in the arts world. He won a Pulitzer Prize writing as the Washington Post’s classical music critic, a job title he’d coveted since the age of three or four. When he discovered Dawn Powell, then a mainly forgotten author he found he loved, Page got most of her works back in print, edited books of her diaries and letters, and wrote a critically acclaimed biography. Page is now is a music and arts journalism professor at the University of Southern California, an especially impressive accomplishment since he dropped out of high school because it bored him so much he could not force himself pay attention, even when he stuck himself with pins in a futile effort to stay alert.

While high school couldn’t hold his interest, Page has had passions that have brought him attention since he was very young. His fascination with silent movies kept him busy writing, producing and filming his own shaky, black and white versions, using the neighborhood kids as his cast. “A Day with Timmy Page”, a documentary about Page’s movie making, shows Page as a talented, somewhat tyrannical, very young looking 13-year-old charging around shouting stage directions to his friends and yelling “Lights, action, camera!”

While turning the neighborhood kids into movie stars and chasing his passions into adulthood have caused people to admire Page for “thinking outside the box.”, Page confesses early in his newly released memoir Parallel Play that he has never had more than a shadowy, uneasy sense of what those “boxes” are. The boundaries of the boxes are invisible to him, he can’t make out why other people think they are significant, and he’s uncertain how to steer his life around or through them—leaving him with what he describes as an anxious, melancholy feeling that his entire life has been spent in “parallel play”, next to but irrevocably separate from everyone else. At the age of 45 he was finally given a name for his condition—Asperger’s syndrome.

Aspperger’s syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, though Asperger’s differs from conventional autism in that language and cognitive skills are not much compromised. People with Asperger’s can be brilliant in their chosen fields, and if they are lucky their talents line up with skills that are considered valuable. Some of the traits “Aspies” can have include an abhorrence of changes in routine, the tendency to be easily over stimulated, a knack for being uncoordinated, the inability to effortlessly understand social cues like body language and tone of voice, and an inclination to develop obsessions they become extremely knowledgeable about that are often shared in long winded, one-sided conversations.

Neurodiversity is a relatively new word for the idea that atypical neurological development is a normal human variation. Advocates make the case that neurodiversity is as important for the vitality of human society as biodiversity is for the health of the planet. Neurodiverse Aspies enrich our lives with singular creations and penetrating insights into their fascinations of choice. A Googled list of famous people who may have been Aspies includes Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Emily Dickinson, Henry David Thoreau, and Ludwig van Beethoven.

But while many Aspies have made wonderful contributions to the world, it is not always a lot of fun to be one or live with one. Page says that as a child his “memory was so acute and his outlook so bleak” that he was sometimes described as a genius, even though he had difficulty telling left from right, and he continued to absentmindedly wet his pants into adolescence. His peculiar understandings and creative abilities may have been celebrated by the adults in his life, but he was also given any number of medical tests, psychiatric screenings, exercise regimes and medications, all with the goal of curing him.

Reading Parallel Play is eye-opening, and learning what life with Asperger’s is like is really only a small part of it. Page vividly remembers things people with more ordinary brains have long forgotten, and his descriptions of what it feels like to be a child are so fully realized they can reawaken that sense in the reader, even bringing back to life personal memories long hidden in some dusty neural crevice. Parallel Play is also packed with entertaining details of the sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll mentality rampant in the 60s and 70s, the era when an idealistic girl Page knew was determined to turn her naturally carnivorous dog into a vegetarian, and when hippies could be pro “free love”, but clueless about or even hostile towards gay rights. Page relates the history of the time and his own stumblings toward adulthood with compassion and humor.

Parallel Play began as an August 2007 New Yorker article, and though it has been greatly expanded it still maintains the deeply moving quality of the original. Asperger’s and Autism memoirs are fascinating reads and are almost numerous enough now to have their own genre, but this one has the advantage of being written by someone who is a close observer of culture and a professional writer, so it’s beautifully composed. Page is both insightful and unwaveringly honest, and while the book can be painfully sad it is more often hilariously funny.

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Jan 13, 2013 Stephanie Patterson rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I knew Tim Page’s work through his biography of Dawn Powell and his editing of her diaries. I dimly remembered that he was the music critic of The Washington Post. Though I initially read this largely for his account of his Asperger’s, I stayed for the discussion of music. Though Mr. Page and I do not have similar taste in music, his sheer enthusiasm for the music he listens to and his ability to describe what is essentially indescribable is fabulous. While Mr. Page maintains that Asperger’s ma...more

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Jan 25, 2012 Estie rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Parallel Play describes the unusual childhood and adolescence of Tim Page, a genius with extreme talents but also extreme deficits, an individual who was later diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. The writing is excellent and the story is compelling. The book can be funny, as when Page describes his Acid trip and his first sexual encounter, and emotional, as in his poignant telling of the deaths of close friends and his reactions to them, but also a little dull, as when he devotes many long parag...more

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May 13, 2011 Megan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011, adult, courier, memoir, nonfiction, accessible-reads

This is an interesting but ultimately depressing look at the life of a man with Asperger's syndrome. The book feels unbalanced, with extreme focus on bands, music, and counterculture, with other aspects glazed over.

Many people, I think, including myself, have some symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, so there's a lot to relate to in Page's book: his social difficulties (although they seemed to ring false to me - he often wrote that he felt socially awkward, but the actions he recounted didn't suppo...more

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Jul 27, 2012 Emmalee rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, biography

I read through several different books about adults with asperger's, or that were found to have been diagnosed with asperger's as adults, as most of the material you find right now deals with kids. He spent a lot more time talking about his life in general than talking about his asperger's. I really found the book "Look me in the Eye" to be a much more interesting and useful read, along with a few other books.

(Tim Page, has recently noted that he dropped the "growing up with undiagnosed asperger...more

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Nov 05, 2009 George rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: anyone

Recommended to George by: Politics & Prose Bookstore

This was a very well written autobiography of Music critic and author Tim Page. He gave a great insight to the life and struggles of one who has Asperger's. If you have a friend who may be dealing with this issue, this book may help you understand how his/her mind may be viewing life and the world. Mr. Page is a Pulitzer Prize winning author and he uses his writing abilities to discuss the unique perspectives he has had since childhood and explore how he mapped out a successful path through life...more

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Mar 01, 2011 Anna Hanson Bevens rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2011, autobiography, library-book

This book wasn't enjoyable to read, but I firmly believe that it is necessary to read. My sister and I have a favorite expression, cribbed from Monty Python, that we pass back and forth to each other: that no matter how bad circumstances may be, "It's just a flesh wound." And although it may be gallows humor, it's survivor's humor as well. Mr. Page's book is that of a survivor, and even more rare, it's that of an articulate, self-deprecating one. Which is all too rare to find.

If you have time, p...more

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Jan 30, 2010 Catherine rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: book-club

Written in a journalistic style, Page outlines his youth and early twenties encounters of self-exploration. Although he attributed much of his ‘60s experiences to Asperger’s, I found his episodes of alcohol and drug abuse pretty typical of many of his peers during that time.

He passionately loves music and writes in rich detail of operatic and classical music. At times, it was a bit over-analyzed for my taste.

Other than the Epilogue portion of the book, I thought Page’s stories were a bit tedious...more

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Jul 30, 2011 Anne Marie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: autism-asperger-s, biography-memoir, autobiography

I guess the others who've written reviews so far are NTs or non-spectrumites (or whichever term you may prefer). I, for one, could relate very well and honestly have no idea why some felt it was difficult to read or follow. It proceeds in a chronological fashion from infancy to the present. That some were bothered by so much inclusion of music reviews/critiques is hilarious to me. It reinforces and clearly demonstrates that us Aspies are obsessed with our interests and love to comunicate our lov...more

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Jan 03, 2010 Bonnie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this on my Kindle.

Tim Page, at one time a classical music critic for the Washington Post, winner of the Pulitzer prize, was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as an adult. As I read this memoir, many people popped into my mind – particularly the children I’ve worked with over the years – the bright, wonderfully eccentric kids who march to their own somewhat quirky drumbeat.

I liked the quote at the beginning of this book: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” – Anon...more I read this on my Kindle.

Tim Page, at one time a classical music critic for the Washington Post, winner of the Pulitzer prize, was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as an adult. As I read this memoir, many people popped into my mind – particularly the children I’ve worked with over the years – the bright, wonderfully eccentric kids who march to their own somewhat quirky drumbeat.

I liked the quote at the beginning of this book: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” – Anonymous, often attributed to Philo of Alexandria.

Here’s Tim Page reflecting on himself:

It has been my extraordinary good fortune to find work that makes use of my strengths and weaknesses. To this day, if you put me behind a busy sales counter, a meltdown would be imminent, for I can’t easily read new faces and shifting attention rapidly from one unfamiliar person to another overwhelms me. If I could choose to have one supernatural power, it would undoubtedly be invisibility, and yet I want and need public acknowledgment of my work. I suffer little stage fright when it comes to public speaking or appearances on radio or television – I’ve got those particular acts figured out – but unstructured participation in social gatherings remains agonizing, unless I know exactly what is expected from me. It would be easier for me to improvise an epic poem before a sellout crowd at Madison Square Garden than to approach an attractive stranger across the room and strike up a conversation.

On his diagnosis:

I bought a book of essays on the condition, edited by Ami Klin, Fred R. Volkmar, and Sara S. Sparrow, and devoured it with stunned fascination. Despite the daunting medical language of some of the chapter, I felt as though I had stumbled upon my secret biography. Here it all was – the computer-like retention, the physical awkwardness, the difficulties with peers and lovers, the need for routine and repetition, the narrow, specialized interests (one article even mentioned silent film, old recordings, and true crime – had they created a developmental disorder just for me?). I was forty-five years old when I learned that I wasn’t alone.

Intriguing, well-written, takes one directly into the heart and mind of this complex man.
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Jan 18, 2010 Aras rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, highly-recommended, public-library

This book should be called "Tim Page's quite decent, perhaps even great, life."

Because the subtitle alludes to his psychological struggles, I was expecting something a lot bleaker, but it turns out that in many ways Page's circumstances were quite fortunate: a family that was supportive financially, emotionally, and socially; a culture-rich childhood that evolved into encounters with capable mentors when he was a young man, and the ability to make a living doing what he loves. Many have not been...more

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Nov 25, 2009 Gail rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I hoped this book would be more about Asperger's and what it was like to live with it. Instead it was a biography. To be fair, in the introduction, the author did say that it was about his life and not about his syndrome. I was interested in this book because I am a teacher and I've had students on the spectrum. As I read I was searching for the parts of the book where he described how he thought. Perhaps this is why at times I felt I was skimming the book more than enjoying the prose.

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Jan 04, 2011 Linda rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Afer hearing Mr Page interviewed on NPR, I really wanted to read this book. Somehow I guess I expected more, having heard him speak and say that this book was about his childhood and growing up with Asperger's. What I got was a typical coming of age memoir with very little to demonstrate the syndrome. Maybe I'm too voyueristic, but I expected more of an explanation of how he saw his life as "parellel play" and not just how he grew up.

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Oct 03, 2010 Sps rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 300s, biography

Biography would be a much better place for this than the 362s: this is Tim Page's life as written by Tim Page, with the Asperger's content secondary to general memoir.

I feel like a thrillseeking tabloid reader saying this, but given that the writing is nothing special, the facts of his youth are not far enough from the norm to capture my attention. Like most adolescents, he's experimenting with drugs and defiance, interested in but made awkward by sex, in thrall to some arbitrary topic, and fig...more

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