Pitching My Tent: On Marriage, Motherhood, Friendship, And Other Leaps Of Faith

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Pitching My Tent: On Marriage, Motherhood, Friendship, And Other Leaps Of Faith

3.51 of 5 stars 3.51 · rating details · 206 ratings · 38 reviews

Following the enormous success of her two bestselling novels, "The Red Tent" and "Good Harbor," award-winning author Anita Diamant delivers a book of intimate reflections on the milestones, revelations, and balancing acts of life as a wife, mother, friend, and member of a religious community.
Before "The Red Tent," before "Good Harbor," before and during six books on cont...more

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Published by Scribner Book Company (first published September 25th 2003)

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Aug 01, 2010 Lize rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2008, biographical

This was a collection of her essays and columns. Some of them I found difficult to relate to, but this one is about friendship, and it struck a chord with me:

Girlfriends, in Particular

Women’s friendships are, I think one of the great secrets of the social universe. When you see pairs of women, sometimes threesomes or foursomes, from the outside, it might seem like they are “just” having lunch, or drinking coffee, or walking around the neighborhood, or even shopping. But all this activity is, in...more This was a collection of her essays and columns. Some of them I found difficult to relate to, but this one is about friendship, and it struck a chord with me:

Girlfriends, in Particular

Women’s friendships are, I think one of the great secrets of the social universe. When you see pairs of women, sometimes threesomes or foursomes, from the outside, it might seem like they are “just” having lunch, or drinking coffee, or walking around the neighborhood, or even shopping. But all this activity is, in fact, the methodology of friendship, the way women connect and keep each other sane. It goes on by phone and e-mail and Hallmark, too.

This is not trivial activity. From the outside, it might appear casual, but these relationships are, in fact, the bedrock of contentment. We witness and we cheer, we commiserate and we prod. We lean on each other and we prop each other up. We tell each other the truth. We sustain one another.

My women friends—some of whom I’ve known for thirty years, some of whom I’ve known for three months—sustain me in ways I couldn’t begin to enumerate. At least not publicly.

We all love our families, but the truth is, they drive us nuts. Without friends, a lot of us would run screaming out of our homes at all hours of the day and night, ready to hand our children over to passing motorists, to flee spouses who snore or are laundry-challenged, to avoid the well-meaning “corrections” of siblings and parents.

Our friends listen to us complain about our families. The validate and sympathize with the problems that are genuine, and help us see when we’re overreacting. Friends don’t nag. I think that may be the definition of a friend.

You can’t pick your parents or your kids. Marriage, though not quite as irrevocable, suffers similar pitfalls of too much familiarity.

So what is it about friendship that avoids that kind of craziness? Maybe it’s just the different perspective. Maybe it’s the voluntary nature of friendship, which is so clearly a gift, bestowed. The time we share with our friends is, almost by definition, time carved out of family obligations, work, housekeeping, reading, gardening, even sleep. We’re grateful to each other for making this choice—this gift—of our time.

Friends meet each other’s expectations on a need-to-speak basis. Friends will show up when it matters, and when it doesn’t, we trust the foundation will remain firm.

Of course, not all friendships last forever. Friends move and the commitment fades. Friends marry badly, or change too much, though I am still friends with a high school pal who votes Republican.

When friends die, we are heartbroken and bereft. The world goes dark but the phone doesn’t ring with condolence. No one gives us time off work to grieve the loss of this particular, precious, mostly unspoken love.(less)

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Mar 02, 2010 Emilia P rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: real-books, churrrch

"Despite their ephemerality and downy sensuality...I have never heard raspberries called an aphrodisiac. They do not make you want to do anything but eat more raspberries. Which makes them truly paradisical."

This quote, from an essay on how awesome raspberries are, encompasses Anita Diamant's attitude to writing, life, and the nature of joy. Lush, fleeting, a pleasure in itself, that's the way things are.

I. loved. this. book. A collection of very short essays on - in this order -1)romantic love...more "Despite their ephemerality and downy sensuality...I have never heard raspberries called an aphrodisiac. They do not make you want to do anything but eat more raspberries. Which makes them truly paradisical."

This quote, from an essay on how awesome raspberries are, encompasses Anita Diamant's attitude to writing, life, and the nature of joy. Lush, fleeting, a pleasure in itself, that's the way things are.

I. loved. this. book. A collection of very short essays on - in this order -1)romantic love and marriage(with the keen observation that its so important not to sleep alone), 2)her daughter Emilia (hehe. but alot about watching someone grow up and wishing them well), 3) friendship, 4) Jewish holiday celebrations (hooray for the Sukkah!), 5) aging, 6) the joys and complications of being Jewish. They went by too fast, really. Diamant has a good sense of humor and relatability -- she never puts anyone down or holds up her own experiences as definitive and universal, but somehow they work on a really gut level. She just seems to have a faith and hope in the goodness and richness of life and the power that our families and friends and traditions and histories have to sustain us through the hard times -- which she doesn't mince words about. Birth and children are ever-present in her essays -- but so is death and loss. Sometimes there is no silver lining. Sometimes we just have to keep going. She's not a hippy optimist by any stretch, but she's not a calculating rationalist either, and her gentle realism is refreshing.

Some great observations.

"Despite the endless political posturing about the importance of marriage and family values, everything around us venerates romantic love, which is self-centered and deliciously anti-social." (This seems like a big duh I had never quite put together before)

On Rosh Hashanah "It is the birthday of the world every minute.Tonight we come to remember and rejoice. My cantor opens her mouth to sing and we catch fire."

On being a part of a congregation "I can always throw up my hands and go somewhere else, but that would only mean I'd have to find myself a parallel universe with its own cast of characters and confrontations. So Beth El will remain my spiritual home, my sacred mess."

On holidays: "Holidays drop an anchor in time... Holidays grab time by its invisible hand and invite it to the table, where it seems almost palpable."

and "Hope - no less than monotheism itself - is a normative and non-negotiable pillar of the Jewish mandate."

I read a couple books this fall that really called into sharp relief the harsh differences between Judaism and Christianity, and Catholicism in particular. While it's good to learn about those, and think about the differences, there's also a big swath of common ground that this book reminded me of, as well as a lot of particularly Jewish lessons and attitudes that resonate with and fascinate me. Diamant stressed, without ever actually saying it (secret, this book wasn't structured around Judaism entirely, but as a religious person it was unapologetically interwoven into her view of the world), that Judaism is a very earthly and even somewhat earthy religion, that faith in other people and in our own world is essential, and that there is a real positive power to continuing to wrestle with and fill in the blanks of and apply faith to contemporary life (yeah midrash! et. al.). So thanks, Anita. I didn't quite know how much I needed this.
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Oct 31, 2009 Rachel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Compilation of essays about the author's life and family. I particularly enjoyed her references to observing the Sabbath, lighting the candles every Friday night, sharing a moment of warmth and affection with her family.

In the chapter "Joyful Noise," she writes about the importance of music in religious life. "Music can be transforming, transfixing, transcendent. It can break your heart and it can heal you." "Music speaks to the spirit unmediated. Its magic is undeniable . . . As lovely as the l...more

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Jul 21, 2011 Ahana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm neither married nor a mother nor religious, but there is a comfort and warmth to Diamant's writing that touched me. She tells her own stories, because stories are meant to be told. She hasn't got the slightest intention of preaching or telling her reader(s) to live her kind of life. But she's living it and it hasn't been all smooth. But there has been joy and sharing and a growing capacity to have fun in unexpected ways. That's really what she wanted to tell us.

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Jul 02, 2011 Katie rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: spirituality

I wanted to read this book because we used an excerpt from it in our wedding ceremony. (It's called Why Marry? and it's very moving. Read it!) I loved some of the things Diamant said about dogs and also loved the portion about women's friendships, but the book was largely based on her religion and I did not relate to it so much. I like her voice and she portrays herself as a kind and compassionate woman. I just think the book was not exactly a match for me.

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Jul 15, 2009 Priscilla rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: anyone

You would have to be a stone not to be moved by the quotidian and the spiritual as described by Anita Diamant in her memoir. I wish she were my best friend. Don't miss out on this beautifully written collection of essays about a life of humble milestones and Jewish faith. If after reading you declare you can't relate, then do as Anne Sexton admonishes us in her "Words for Dr.Y": 'As Ruth said, "Enlarge the place of thy tent."'

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Jul 19, 2010 Hester rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, essays, judaism-and-jewish-issues, women-s-issues, american-writers, marriage

The book is a compulsively readable collection of essays, many about Jewish life. In some, her honesty and wonder at life's difficulties inspired me. In others, I felt she tried too hard to make American life "Jewish." Jews do not need to read how Thanksgiving can be celebrated "Jewishly"--we already have Sukkot. Thanksgiving is time to be American! She did, however, make me want to celebrate Sukkot. Someplace warm.

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Sep 17, 2009 April Driver rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Diament offers a journal style non-fiction work of her thoughts and views on her own life. The book covers her religious choices, her views on marriage and parenting and other topics relevant to her life. My favorite chapter was her discussion of "The Red Tent". The only reason I read this book was my love of "The Red Tent". I would not recommend this book as a must read, but if you loved "The Red Tent" you might find Diamant's personal story interesting.

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Feb 03, 2010 Judith rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

These essays were well written with the Diamant style...sparse, lovely and gentle. At times she came through as a little bit of a lumper. You know, lumping things into this category or that. She made big generalizations about Jewish people and Christian people that from anyone else would have annoyed me. Other than that, these stories were open and sweet. She came across as bossy and vulnerable.

I love her books and I think, after reading this, I might like her too.

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Dec 08, 2009 Heathergrady rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: jewish, spiritual

A collection of essays on marriage, motherhood & friendship with a tinge of spirituality. Had to finish quickly but there were gems I should have captured. Easy to pick up and read as you can since the essays are brief.

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Dec 05, 2011 Cindypbarnard rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A collection of articles written by Ms Diamant before she began writing novels.
These are fabulous.
She writes about her own life as so many do but these essays are right on.

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Jun 09, 2009 Maria M. Elmvang rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: owned, 2009, memoir, essays, 3-stars

I wasn't terribly impressed by "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant, but had heard many good things about this essay collection, so I thought I'd give her another try. I'm glad I did, because it was a very enjoyable read. Being neither a mother nor a Jew, there were many essays I couldn't relate all that much to, but being a wife and religious (even if it is Christianity rather than Judaism) there were many others that I could. Not a book that "rocked my world", but a pleasant pass-time.

I did enjoy...more

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Oct 27, 2010 Clarice rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2010, favorites

Anita Diamant is a great author and it shines through in these personal essays. A lot of the references to her Jewish faith probably went right over my head, but it's inspired me to learn more about their traditions and holidays.

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Sep 07, 2011 Amarise (Bridget) rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Bored the mess out of me once I got a little less than half way through it. I had to skip a lot.

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Jun 09, 2010 T Powers rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Not as fulfilling as the rest of her work, however it was a good read.

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Aug 19, 2011 Arlene Allen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: jewish-nonfiction

When I was going through my Jewish exploration phase.

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Jul 07, 2011 KC rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Quick read...made me laugh and cry!

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May 23, 2010 Tamela marked it as to-read · review of another edition

"I don't think being an only child caused her any suffering. Like most onlys, she thrived, excelled in verbal skills and charming adults, but is otherwise virtually indistinguishable from children who have siblings."

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Jul 24, 2012 Nancy rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Pretty simplistic essays. I kept waiting for the profound revelation but it never hit me.

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Sep 06, 2010 Janelle rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I really enjoyed this collection. Some were a little harder to relate to, especially those about Jewish life but even those were informative and a quick read besides.

All were worth the read, but I did have a few favorites. They include: "Reading Material" in which the name of a dear family friend popped off the pages as the author of the book Ms. Diamant's daughter chose as her first read. The other is "Heaven on Earth" and ode to raspberries, my favorite fruit.

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May 18, 2013 Sheena rated it 3 of 5 stars

This was an easy read that covered a lot of topics familiar to women, most especially moms and wives. There were many that referenced Jewish life, and not being Jewish they didn't have as much of an effect on me as they likely would a Jewish reader. But I still enjoyed reading it. Probably a good choice for readers familiar and a fan of Diamant's work, and not a first intro for new readers.

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Jun 17, 2010 Kathy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Enjoyed the Red Tent and this is a collection of essays written before RedTent was published from various magazines and such. Looking forward to reading it

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Jul 27, 2008 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: highly-recommended-must-reads, want-this-book, biography-memoir, library, very-curious, spirituality-religion-mythology-fol

I WANT THIS BOOK!!! Really badly. I have it checked out from the library, and quite frankly, had to quit reading as I really need my own copy that I can notate places in the book!

3 pages in and already decided!!!! EEEEEKKKKKSSSS!

Friday, July 18, 2008:::::Returned it to the library yesterday, didn't want to, wonder if I could sneak it out and keep it, LOL! Just kidding. But definitely on my Wish List!!!

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Feb 09, 2009 Linda rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I like this author's writing, but I'm not a fan of her outlook on life. Reading the favorite columns that she has written over the years would have been more interesting if I viewed life in a similar way. I found myself not agreeing with her, philosophically, on many points. I didn't enjoy it so I decided to stop where I was and move on to another book.

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Aug 24, 2007 Danika rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a book of essays that the author wrote over a period of 20 years for various publications. It's a VERY fast read and most of the essays are less than 5 pages. She focuses a lot on her faith (Judaism) and it's relationship to other aspects of her life. Nothing super profound, but I like her perspective on most issues.

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Mar 18, 2008 Robert rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Interesting non-fiction, which can be read by chapter topic or straight through. It offers the author's insights on bringing Jewishness into one's life in a modern way that may make religion more accessible to those otherwise disinclined.

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Nov 03, 2008 JJ rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

One very inspirational chapter, the rest just somewhat insteresting short reflections on life. At least half the book focused on her religious (jewish) practices which I found educational but not relevant to my own life.

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Mar 04, 2008 Jen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: religion

I love Anita Diamante's writing so much, I'd probably find a way to be inspired reading her grocery list. There's just something about her insight and the thoughtful way she puts words together . . . this book was a treat.

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Aug 13, 2008 Amber Chaplin rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites-of-all-time

Make sure you have a box of tissues when you read this book. Some of the stories are so touching they make you cry, others make you laugh so hard that you cry again.

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Aug 12, 2008 Leslie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir-read

Diamant has a great way of thinking and this collection of her thoughts is both interesting and thought provoking.

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About Anita Diamant

Anita Diamant is a prizewinning journalist whose work has appeared regularly in the Boston Globe Magazine and Parenting magazine. She is the author of six books about contemporary Jewish practice, one collection of autobiographical essays (Pitching My Tent) and three prior novels. The Red Tent, her first novel, was a national bestseller and the Booksense Book of the Year. Good Harbor and The Last...more

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