Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

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Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

4.29 of 5 stars 4.29 · rating details · 1,072 ratings · 267 reviews

Safety skills for children outside the home
Warning signs of sexual abuse
How to screen baby-sitters and choose schools
Strategies for keeping teenagers safe from violence

All parents face the same challenges when it comes to their children's safety: whom to trust, whom to distrust, what to believe, what to doubt, what to fear, and what not to fear. In this empowering book,...more

Paperback, 352 pages

Published May 9th 2000 by Dell (first published 1999)

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Apr 25, 2008 Maren rated it 5 of 5 stars

a must read for every woman and every parent. some of the stuff he says is obvious and intuitive, and yet we need to hear it again because we tend to get comfortable with the inherent danger in all situations. i especially like how he constantly asserts that we have the inherent intuition (i like to call it the Holy Spirit) to read the subtle clues around us and be alert to potential danger situations. it's true that people, especially women, are abducted and molested in broad daylight, by famil...more

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Sep 01, 2008 Topmar rated it 5 of 5 stars

Everyone needs to read this book. Teach kids -- and yourself -- about human nature. Practical advice, smart writing, by a man who was once a neglected child. He's now a criminal profiler.

I spent years in the public arena working on a law designed to ferret out sex predators. The stuff I came across was unbelievable. If you don't think your kid can get trapped by a predator, you're naive. General example: Man approaches kid with some urgency, looking for lost kitten in the woods! Please help! Now...more

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Jul 25, 2008 Shanamadele rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: how-to, parenting

Easy-to-read book on hard-to-face subject. I appreciate that the author takes care to emphasize where victims/survivors took action, even while pointing out how they might have escaped injury/victimization by acting differently earlier in the encounter. I also like the concern he shows for teaching violence prevention as a way of helping people be less anxious and more open generally.

He talks about some of the myriad reasons we--the big society We--tolerate violence and fail to see it. He does n...more

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Sep 23, 2007 Cheryl rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: parents, caregivers

This book helped me recognize the value of following my instincts - in ANY kind of potentially dangerous situation, though it was focused on the situations surrounding children. It may seem like it would plant fears into the reader, but for me, it did just the opposite. He gave me plenty of info to allow me the freedom to celebrate fear and it's purpose, in dangerous situations, while recognizing when unfounded fears can cause unnecessary spin. He also provided some games to play with kids that...more

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Jul 03, 2011 Tanya W rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, parenting

This seems like a must read for parents of both boys and girls... has practical tips for keeping children/youth safe (from sexual abuse, injury or death from guns, stranger kidnapping, and more). I wish I could find the book to note some other specifics for future reference... so more to come later...

A few I can think of now:
1) Don't emphasize not talking to strangers as much as teaching children who they should talk to if they need help (a woman, not a man).

2)Teach them what to say and do if so...more

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Jun 15, 2011 Teri rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, parenting

Oooo--this book really does read like a thriller. I really haven't put a lot of thought into keeping children safe--but there is some GREAT advice like:

Always follow your intuition! Teach your children to follow their intuition!
It's strangeness that matters more than strangers. Teaching kids never to talk to strangers implies all strangers are bad, and they see you talk to strangers often in different settings. It also implies all people they know are safe--since they're not strangers, but usua...more Oooo--this book really does read like a thriller. I really haven't put a lot of thought into keeping children safe--but there is some GREAT advice like:

Always follow your intuition! Teach your children to follow their intuition!
It's strangeness that matters more than strangers. Teaching kids never to talk to strangers implies all strangers are bad, and they see you talk to strangers often in different settings. It also implies all people they know are safe--since they're not strangers, but usually children are harmed by people they know.
Teach them if they need help, always ask a WOMAN--easy for them to remember, much more effective than telling them to find a police officer--and women are RARELY child molesters and will stop everything until the problem is resolved.
Teach them if someone tries to do something that makes them uncomfortable, tell them right away, "Stop or I'll tell," (and teach them to tell anyway)

This would make a great discussion book for a mom's group, and I highly recommend it.

My few notes that I'd like to remember--Test of Twelve--he lists these but offers no practical ideas for how to achieve them. Worth some good thought and discussion:
Do your children know. . .
1. How to honor their feelings--if someone makes them uncomfortable, that's an important signal;
2. You the parents) are strong enough to hear about any experience they've had, no matter how unpleasant;
3. It's OK to rebuff and defy adults;
4. It's okay to be assertive;
5. How to ask for assistance or help;
6. How to choose WHO to ask
7. How to describe their peril;
8. It's OK to strike, even to injure, someone if they believe they are in danger, and that you'll support any action they take as a result of feeling uncomfortable or afraid;
9. It's OK to make noise, to scream, to yell, to run;
10. If someone ever tries to force them to go somewhere, what they scream should include, "This is not my dad" (because onlookers assume the adult is a parent)
11. If someone says, "Don't yell", the think to do IS yell, and if someone says "Don't tell" the thing to do IS tell;
12. To fully resist ever going anywhere out of public view with someone they don't know, and particularly to resist going anywhere with someone who tries to persuade them. (less)

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May 23, 2011 Danielle rated it 4 of 5 stars

Gavin de Becker makes a lot of good points about keeping our children safe, and it's a quick and painless read. Here are some of the important points that I got out of it:
-our intuition about people and situations is the most important tool we have to protect ourselves, and many (most) people ignore their intuition because they do not want to accept reality.
-the reality is that stranger abductions are incredibly rare, and worrying about this rare phenomenon takes valuable energy and attention aw...more Gavin de Becker makes a lot of good points about keeping our children safe, and it's a quick and painless read. Here are some of the important points that I got out of it:
-our intuition about people and situations is the most important tool we have to protect ourselves, and many (most) people ignore their intuition because they do not want to accept reality.
-the reality is that stranger abductions are incredibly rare, and worrying about this rare phenomenon takes valuable energy and attention away from the reality right under our noses:
-the people most likely to harm our children are people we know. something like one in three children are harmed by someone known to their family (usually sexual abuse), and no one ever suspected. but if they were paying attention, the signs were there and they would have known.
-fear is useful when it spurs us to action. worry that doesn't lead to any action is useless and actually damaging.
-women have the power to protect themselves and their children from violence. teenage girls can also protect themselves, but it helps to have feelings of self worth and people who believe them.
-it is possible (and important) to determine who can be trusted to take care of our children, and keep them safe from harm

There's more...

I enjoyed reading this book and feel that I got a lot out of it. However, I have a few criticisms. The author talks about how the media makes certain types of violence seem more common than they really are, and makes us unnecessarily afraid (to our detriment). But I got the feeling that the examples given in this book were doing the exact same thing. Some of them were very good and instructive, but others seemed to go against the author's point.

Also I felt that the editing could have been better. Like most parenting books, this one just isn't that tight. Some of the chapters do not hold together well, and seem to meander around a point that is hard to ascertain. But this is a minor complaint about a book that I still believe every parent and caregiver should read.(less)

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Apr 20, 2010 Sunni rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: parents, community members

Not an easy read, but important. So glad I went ahead. This book made me think about my own levels of "politeness" as a female and whether sometimes I should err on the side of impoliteness, bitchiness be damned.

It's interesting to think of the different reaction I might have had to the annoying magazine seller in the Target parking lot who approached me and my baby had I read this book before I met him instead of after. I'm sure he was harmless, but I think I would have cut off the encounter qu...more

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Jul 13, 2009 Sheena rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: reference

As a future teacher, I tend to pick up the occasional book about parenting (since it's useful to understand a few different perspectives about kids).
This is one of the better childcare/parenting/teaching related books I've read. Instead of focusing on all of the bad things that COULD happen to a child who isn't constantly supervised, de Becker recommends a simple idea: teach children how to take care of themselves.
One of de Becker's focal points is trusting intuition, or that feeling that somet...more

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Apr 27, 2013 Deborah rated it 5 of 5 stars

In The Gift of Fear, violence prediction and safety expert Gavin de Becker wrote generally about learning how to recognize and respond to cues violence might be imminent in any number of contexts. This book is also a guidebook, but geared toward protecting one's children. While The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift shared many of the same anecdotes and ideas, sometimes in identical language, there was still a lot of new, child-specific content making Protecting the Gift an important, insightf...more

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Aug 03, 2011 Lisa rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

A **must read** for all parents. Concrete, step by step information on how to keep children safe by trusting your intuition and facing reality. This book really tells it like it is, with no politically correct crap: for example, the book says that male security guards should not be the first, safe choice for children who are lost; that you should actually ask a potential babysitter if he/she has harmed a child, since that's really what you want to know; and that assuming that your neighbor's bab...more

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Jul 31, 2009 Sariah rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a must read for every parent. I kid you not. As Gavin de Becker says, more than once, people who choose ignorance when it comes to the dangers their children face because they "don't want to think about those sort of things" and that they could actually happen to their children are playing a very dangerous game. Ignorance is the easy way out. If you don't know about the dangers, how could you have stopped it from happening? But do you really want your children to pay that price just to s...more

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May 30, 2013 Christine rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: american, nonfiction, advice

I highly recommend this book by a leading expert on safety and the prediction of violent behavior. This author is no-nonsense. He has advised the CIA and security for US govt officials such as Supreme Court justices. I'm a chronic worrier, and this book has encouraged me to worry less (as worry can dull our senses to real instinctual fear), take action (by raising questions and feeling ok for asking to alleviate anxiety), and to trust my instincts. I will encourage my daughter to do the same and...more

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Jan 29, 2010 Marisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

My darling neighbor recommended that I read this and even went to the library to check it out for me. I worried that this book would cause me to worry even more about my kids. And although it does state the facts very clearly about the dangers that kid's face--it did it in a way that was empowering to me. I really liked how he said that we tell our kids "don't talk to stranger" or "find a policeman" when these are the worst pieces of advice you can give them. So I will definitely apply the tacti...more

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Jun 18, 2008 Carol rated it 1 of 5 stars

This book was so weird. It had one really useful chapter on teaching your child what to do if he or she becomes lost, and then the rest was a combination of scary stories and the ravings of an paranoid individual. And I'm a pretty neurotic parent. I also don't buy the "If someone make you uncomfortable, they are probably evil, and your fears are justified" concept. It completely ignores the reality of racism in America, for one thing.

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May 01, 2009 Alison rated it 4 of 5 stars

Although I'm a worrier, this book did not unduly upset me. I was already aware of the dangers that children face in our society because I am determined not to be what de Becker calls a "denier": someone who says, "Oh, that couldn't happen to my child. We only know 'nice' people." As the daughter of a pastor who has counseled many victims of violence, I know better than that. So I was looking for ways to minimize the possibility that my children (or I) will be victimized, and this book was very h...more

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Jul 09, 2012 Kristen rated it 3 of 5 stars

With my six year old gaining more independence and recent child murders hitting too close to home, I read this after it was recommended to me. Three stars to me means, pretty good, but not amazing.

The author is a professional crime/violence prevention consultant, so that made everything he said very credible to me. He wasn't some crazed parent or school psychologist that didn't really know their statistics and what a predator really looks like. He was, however, an abused child himself. So he ca...more With my six year old gaining more independence and recent child murders hitting too close to home, I read this after it was recommended to me. Three stars to me means, pretty good, but not amazing.

The author is a professional crime/violence prevention consultant, so that made everything he said very credible to me. He wasn't some crazed parent or school psychologist that didn't really know their statistics and what a predator really looks like. He was, however, an abused child himself. So he cares deeply about the subject matter.

He dispels the typical myths about who and what strangers are and look like, and also rejects common things that parents tell their kids such as "Don't talk to strangers," and instead explains and explores the skills that children need to know to keep themselves safe. There is no profile for a predator---that is why you can't label them in one category, such as strangers, and hope that your kids are safe. There is however, a profile for a victim. Vulnerable, accessible, and someone that has no skills or won't use the ones they have (fearful). The reality is, someone in your family or a family friend is the most likely person out there that is going to hurt or abuse your child, and unless you know what to look for, you're not protecting your children well. Unfortunately, this is something I'm all too familiar with (an abuser in the family.) Most of the things I already knew, but there were some good reminders of things like the importance of trusting your intuition above all else, and not being afraid to hurt someone's feelings in order to protect you, your child, and honor your intuition.

I wish he would have gone into more details about family relationships, since that is what he says statistically are the highest threat to a child. But he doesn't---he gives many anecdotes and examples, but they're by and large examples of strangers. Some are family "friends" which is closer to reality, but I wish he'd shared examples of fathers, grandfathers, uncles, etc, and how the family prevented or handled abuse. Overall an important, useful read. (less)

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Apr 10, 2012 Marya Kowal rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a must-read for all women and parents. Practical, honest, reality-tested advice from a man who truly knows about safety, danger, and the difference. It will help you learn to trust your instincts, learn to evaluate risk, and help you help your kids do the same.

The stories of survival are graphic, but important to read. They illustrate why survivors make it, and those who ignore the signs of danger do NOT survive.

I re-read this one every couple of years, and talk with my kids every year...more

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Dec 10, 2010 Meg rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

Right after reading this book, I went for a walk with my toddler, during which four strangers struck up conversations with us. Several of them probably would have set off many people's "uh-oh" alarms, like the scruffy-looking homeless guy pushing a shopping cart. All of them were really sweet and kind, had a short conversation with me and my child, and then moved on. Which leads to my point about this book: I appreciated the author's premise that we should trust our intuition about safety and sh...more Right after reading this book, I went for a walk with my toddler, during which four strangers struck up conversations with us. Several of them probably would have set off many people's "uh-oh" alarms, like the scruffy-looking homeless guy pushing a shopping cart. All of them were really sweet and kind, had a short conversation with me and my child, and then moved on. Which leads to my point about this book: I appreciated the author's premise that we should trust our intuition about safety and should be in touch with our own internal danger signals, but he did not address two problems with this:
1. He focuses on all the times people felt an intuition of danger and they were right. But what about all the times they were wrong? He says you should not worry about unrealistic things - but never addresses the question of how to tell "unrealistic worry" from "true intuition."
2. He does not take into account racism, classism, and other prejudices and stereotypes that feel like "intuition" because they are so deeply ingrained in us from such a young age. If a white person responds to an unknown African American on the street with fear, is that their intuition? Probably not. It's probably based on societal racism (as manifested through media stereotypes, etc.). So how do we differentiate? I think this is really important. It's so easy to justify our stereotypes ("Oh, I was just listening to my gut feeling").

I liked that he emphasized that stranger kidnapping is extremely rare and that most danger comes from people you know. I wanted a little more filling-out of how to teach kids to recognize feelings of discomfort that might indicate a situation is "wrong." I also liked that he showed how the whole "Don't talk to strangers" idea doesn't actually promote safety, nor do some other things we commonly tell kids ("Find a police officer"). He made some really good points about this, like for example: If your child is lost, they'll have a better chance of connecting with a safe adult if they choose someone than if they wait for someone to come up to them.

However, I had a lot of discomfort about the idea of telling your child "If you're lost/in trouble/etc., find a woman." I get his point that men statistically commit more violence. But at the same time, most men do not commit violence. Once again, it's really easy to justify our stereotypes (that women are safe and nurturing, men are aggressive and violent) by saying that they're based on some kind of natural order. Ultimately, it doesn't feel right to me to teach my child that women are to be trusted and men are not.

I thought some of his sample letters/ questions to ask were right on (I liked his suggestions of questions to ask potential babysitters); others felt a little overly confrontational and overly focused on the possibility of sexual abuse. Really - when you choose a pediatrician you're going to ask them a gazillion questions about sexual abuse assessment and reporting? You probably only have 15 minutes with them and you have other things you want to know about, like their overall philosophy, what they can tell you about sleeping, eating, and other primary concerns of new parents. Frankly, if I were a doctor and my patient asked me ten different questions about sexual abuse, I'd wonder what was going on.(less)

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Sep 13, 2011 Robert Harken rated it 5 of 5 stars

De Becker tackles the subject of child abuse with insight and empathy (not sympathy, empathy). The subject matter makes this book very difficult to get through - particularly with the victim's stories. I forced myself through the book because I feel that if I can help even one child by educating myself, the pain would be well suffered.

He offers sometimes surprising, but credible, advice on how to keep children safe. The often recited rules of "don't talk to strangers" and "go to a policeman if y...more

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Nov 17, 2009 Meghan rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is geared more towards parents and how to protect your children. It is by the same author as the book "The Gift of Fear". That book looks really good, but I haven't found it on CD (I don't really have time to read a physical book right now, but I can sneak it into the car ride) and this one was.

The author reads it and while he isn't the most professional sounding reader, he is much better than other author-read books I have listened to.

Not being a parent yet, I can't say exactly how...more

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Oct 16, 2011 Claire rated it 5 of 5 stars

Such a great book full of statistics (not the boring kind), information, stories, and guidelines. I quite enjoy the fact that he is realistic and sarcastic!
This is a great book for mothers, I think particularly to read with small kids so that you understand predators and can see the warning signs like bright neon flags. Then use the information to teach your kids about safety, violence, aggression, predators, etc.
I was glad that he wasn't "textbook" in his way of writing and did so that it was a...more

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Jan 28, 2011 Camille rated it 3 of 5 stars

An informative yet uncomfortable read. :) I can't say that I enjoyed reading this book because I had a pit in my stomach the whole time, but I came away feeling somewhat more informed and empowered about protecting my kids. Mothers have intuition (the Holy Ghost?) and instinct for a reason. We should do our best to prove/disprove our hunches rather than rationalize them away, despite our good intentions. It's interesting to me how simple protecting our kids can really be. We often look beyond th...more

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Jan 30, 2009 Nicole rated it 5 of 5 stars

It's hard to say I enjoyed this book, given the horrific subject matter. Every single parent, teacher, principal and child care worker should read this book. Yes, it's terrifying at times. Yes, I cried at points. The pain of reading it was more than worth the knowledge and confidence in my own intuition that I received. As a parent who constantly worries about "what might happen" and about the "evil lurking around every corner," this book helped me focus on where the real dangers to my children...more

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Jan 01, 2009 Andrea rated it 3 of 5 stars

My favorite chapter was called "Worry." I think I'll re-read that chapter before I return it to the library, b/c it said a lot of things that I'd never thought of before that are relevant to my life, since I'm a big worrier. It is basically about the vital importance of trusting your instincts to tell you when a person is dangerous. He says that when you are worried about something, you need to ask yourself if the threat is caused by something you observed in your current surroundings (someone,...more

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Feb 27, 2011 Lisa Munoz rated it 5 of 5 stars

I wholeheartedly recommend that all parents read this book. I fully plan on having an even better talk with my children on how to keep themselves safe. This book does not go about to make the reader afraid of their surroundings but rather gives them the tools to 'see' their surroundings and people they come into contact with for that they really are.

This book could easily have gone the way of fear tactics but instead it seeks to teach the reader how to be in control of their fear and use it to t...more

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Mar 26, 2010 Shannon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

I read this book in one evening and found it valuable and empowering. I got to skip over all the chapters that had to do with school and daycares, since we're learning at home, but the rest was certainly applicable. While many of the stories he uses as examples were heartbreaking (I totally could not read the section on parents abusing infants), his ideas for what you can *do* are terrific. And he debunks many of the common things we've all grown up believing in, like "stranger danger" or findin...more

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Jan 06, 2013 Gail rated it 4 of 5 stars

When deciding whether to read Gavin de Becker’s “Protecting the Gift,” parents face one question: will the information he provides increase your child’s safety enough to justify the traumatic experience of reading about the world’s predators? The answer depends at least in part on one’s personality. I saw danger lurking around every corner for only a few days after finishing the book, and then settled back into my largely apprehension-free steady state - only now empowered by the practical tips...more When deciding whether to read Gavin de Becker’s “Protecting the Gift,” parents face one question: will the information he provides increase your child’s safety enough to justify the traumatic experience of reading about the world’s predators? The answer depends at least in part on one’s personality. I saw danger lurking around every corner for only a few days after finishing the book, and then settled back into my largely apprehension-free steady state - only now empowered by the practical tips de Becker offers and the concomitant ability to let go of worry that I ought to do more. For others, the stories de Becker tells may have the reverse effect, instilling fear of “imagined risks” despite the advice he offers to stave them off (e.g., “encourag[e] the chronic worriers in your life to avoid watching the local news”).

In well-organized and engaging prose, de Becker repeatedly hammers home his overarching advice: “Safety starts with knowing that your intuition about people is a brilliant guardian.” If, of course, you eschew denial (the signs of which include “rationalization, justification, minimization, excuse-making, and refusal”) and politeness in favor of honoring your instinctual feelings. After all, de Becker asks, “which is sillier: waiting a moment for the next elevator, or placing [your] child and [your]self into a soundproof steel chamber with a stranger [you are] afraid of?”

He also hands out a plethora of tips for avoiding victimization by both “persuasion-predators” and “power-predators” (much more rare), including a “Test of Twelve” for “what children would ideally know before they are ever alone in public,” recommendations for specific programs (like IMPACT training), and an appendix listing questions for your child’s school. Many of the simple strategies make total sense, but have never before entered my radar screen. For example, don’t wear headphones unless you’re in an undoubtedly safe environment (“[A woman] jogging . . . along in public enjoying music through headphones . . . has disabled her hearing, the survival sense most likely to warn her about dangerous approaches. To make matters worse, those wires leading up to her ears display her vulnerability for everyone to see.”). Teach your kids to approach a woman if they are ever lost, since statistically speaking the person who reaches out to a scared and isolated child is much more likely to bode ill than one randomly chosen out of a crowd by the child, and men are much more dangerous to children than women. When planning a sleepover, investigate the other family as you would a childcare provider (this includes asking if they have a gun); tell your kids, “‘[i]f you are ever at all uncomfortable, or you just want to talk, you can call home at any time’”; and talk to them “as soon after a sleepover as possible.” In order to avoid sexual abuse, “[m]ake careful, slow choices about the people you include in your child’s life - and fast choices about the ones you exclude,” and “[t]each your child about touch, the body, boundaries, communication, assertiveness, and sovereignty over the body” (including not forcing them to address or embrace people, as embarrassing as their reticence may be, and teaching them how to say “no” to an adult, that “[i]t’s okay to withdraw consent at any time,” the anatomic names for their lady and gentleman parts, and “[t]o keep telling if nobody listens and if nobody makes it stop”). Warn teenage daughters about Rohypnol and know your son’s friends (because “[t]he key that unlocks a boy’s destructiveness is often held by another boy”). Finally, teach teenage children of both genders that “no” means no, contrary to the “popular Hollywood formula . . . Boy Wants Girl, Girl Doesn’t Want Boy, Boy Persists and Harasses Girl, Boy Gets Girl.”

I found the most useful information, however, to be that derived from de Becker’s unique insight (“[his] adversity was [his] university”) into the psychology of predation. For example, in order to identify a persuasion predator, look for “behaviors intended to put you at ease . . . : forced teaming, charm and niceness, too many details, typecasting, loan-sharking, the unsolicited promise, [and] discounting the word ‘no.’” This high-level awareness is easier for the whole family to attain if you “[t]hink of charm as a verb, not a trait,” and “teach [y]our children that niceness does not equal goodness.” When your intuition speaks of danger, “[d]o or say something that communicates early and clearly that you are not an easy target (steely eyes, hold the stare, walk away, raise your voice).” “A young woman who believes she is being followed might take just a tentative look, hoping to see if someone is visible in her peripheral vision. It is better to turn completely, take in everything, and look squarely at someone who concerns you. This not only gives you information, but it communicates to a pursuer that you are not a tentative, frightened victim-in-waiting.” Also, remember that “if a predator orders you to go somewhere with him, he is really telling you that staying here is to your advantage and to his disadvantage.” (And along these lines, “If a man who intends sexual assault or rape has Privacy and Control, he can victimize someone. If he does not have PC, he is not dangerous, period.” Thus, carefully choose to whom you give “PC.”).

Is thinking about these issues scary? Yes. Are there real dangers in the world that could threaten your child’s (and mine’s) happiness? Yes. Is there something you can do about it besides worry? Yes. Could reading this book make you a more fearful and overprotective parent? Yes. Know yourself and make the call.(less)

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May 24, 2013 Kelly rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

This book is an absolute must-read for any parent. Not to sound dramatic, but you or your children's lives may someday depend on the extremely valuable information you will read in this book. I was scared to read it because as de Becker puts it, after I had read it I would have "walked to the ledge of a parent's greatest fears, looked over, and backed away better prepared for the rest of the mountain climb" (p. 270). Did I really want to read about abduction, sexual molestation, rape, and murder...more

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Dec 20, 2010 Bert Edens rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: behavior-psychology, self-defense

This is an outstanding book in the same vein as The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence. In fact, it really doesn't offer a ton of new stuff, just a different perspective on the same concepts, namely that it's specifically geared toward parents protecting their children, rather than teens and primarily adults protecting themselves, as in the first book.

That said, this book stands alone just fine, although having read the first book can add an additional depth of understa...more

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About Gavin de Becker

Gavin de Becker is an expert on the prediction and management of violence. He has served on President's Advisory Board at the U.S. Department of Justice and the Governor's Advisory Board at the California Department of Mental Health; he now runs a consulting firm which advises government agencies, universities, police departments, corporations, and media figures on the assessment of threats and ha...more

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Books by Gavin de Becker

The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Fear Less: Real Truth About Risk, Safety, and Security in a Time of Terrorism

A Girl's Gotta Do What a Girl's Gotta Do

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“When a baby is born the mother in particular enters into a new larger relationship with the world. She has become connected to all people. She is part of keeping us on earthnot the "us" comprised of individuals but the species itself. By protecting this one baby this gift a mother accepts life's clearest responsibility.” — 5 people liked it

“When dreaded outcomes are actually imminent we don't worry about themwe take action. Seeing lava from the local volcano make its way down the street toward our house does not cause worry it causes running. Also we don't usually choose imminent events as subjects for our worrying and thus emerges an ironic truth: Often the very fact that you are worrying about something means that it isn't likely to happen.” — 5 people liked it

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title link	preview: Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe
avg rating	preview: Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe Goodreads rating: 4.29 (1072 ratings)
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BBCode	[url=http://www.discovereads.com/book/show/92443.Protecting_the_Gift?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1320397192l/92443.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.discovereads.com/book/show/92443.Protecting_the_Gift?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe by Gavin de Becker[/url]

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)

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