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Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain
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Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain

3.83  ·  Rating Details ·  33,062 Ratings  ·  2,402 Reviews
"I didn't decide to become anorexic. It snuck up on me disguised as a healthy diet, a professional attitude. Being as thin as possible was a way to make the job of being an actress easier . . ."

Portia de Rossi weighed only 82 pounds when she collapsed on the set of the Hollywood film in which she was playing her first leading role. This should have been the culmination of
Paperback, 320 pages
Published November 1st 2010 by Atria Books
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Jan 30, 2011 Buggy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Opening Line: “He doesn’t wait until I’m awake. He comes into my unconscious to find me, to pull me out.”

I knew almost nothing about Portia De Rossi before reading her gripping biography. Sure I’d seen her years ago on Ally McBeal. I knew she was beautiful, I knew she was married to Ellen DeGeneres and I had just assumed she was another perfect movie star living the dream with a life to be envious of. This is so not the case here.

Unbearable Lightness is brutal, scary, well written and shocking
My “favorite” part was eight pages in, when she indulges in “too much” yogurt, freaks out, and starts doing lunges to make up for it: “I start sobbing now as I lunge my way across the floor and I wonder how many calories I’m burning by sobbing. Sobbing and lunging – it’s got to be at least 30 calories. It crosses my mind to vocalize my thoughts of self-loathing because speaking the thoughts that fuel the sobs would have to burn more calories than just thinking the thoughts…”

I’ve read/seen a numb
Before I begin my review of this book, I want to share the story of the first and last time I forced myself to throw up. While this doesn’t relate exactly to Unbearable Lightness, it sheds light on why I empathize so much with Portia De Rossi and what she went through. Skip down a few paragraphs if you wish.

In my first few years of adolescence, I always felt lost. I was born gay in a society where the word faggot is tossed around like footballs are thrown on Sunday, born homosexual in a world wh
Dec 10, 2010 jo rated it liked it
i wish i knew the conditions of the publishing of this book. it is so obvious that the book could have been much, much better with just some editing (even just some basic copy-editing would have made a difference!). the hand of a loving editor could have made it so much stronger, it's a real shame this hand wasn't given much, or any, play.

the first part, which is focused on portia's bingeing, is sloppy. the second part, where she describes the time in her life when she got a grip on the bingein
Update to give another star, now that I've finished it.

The book could have used a little better editing, but the writing is intelligent. Writing level is not the point, here, though. The goal was not literature, but to send a message, and this she accomplishes very well.

It was, to me, a very powerful book and something I really strongly feel should be read by anyone going through a diet or appearance struggle. Especially the end of the book and epilogue. If you skim everything else, at least sit
Tylah Marie
Jul 12, 2015 Tylah Marie rated it it was amazing
I read this book back when I was about 18 years old and still to this day it has stayed with me. My copy of this book has been in so many hands of people that are closest to me because I just felt like it needed to be read. Looking back.. I think I recommended it so much because I wanted my family and friends to try and understand me a little better. Although I did not relate to all of the same issues Portia dealt with I did find pieces of myself throughout each chapter. If that makes any sense ...more
Mar 19, 2011 Zelda rated it really liked it
I've been reading a lot of books about eating. I'm very interested in why we, as a society, can't seem to do it right anymore. (I have this same question in regards to the, um, marital arts but that's a different review.) Why are people freaking out about food? Why is everyone fat? Except for the people who are too thin? What's with them? I'm also particularly interested in eating since having 1) lost a lot of weight almost 10 years ago and 2) having learned that my infant cousin starved to deat ...more
Enia T.
Jan 09, 2011 Enia T. rated it did not like it
There are two reasons to write a book like this when you are stricken with a psychological illness like anorexia:

1) as therapy, to catalog the dark places you went, so that you can take it out once in a while and reread it to remind yourself of those dark places so that you never let yourself go there again

b) to give help and hope to those who are struggling with the same illness you vanquished.

Here's the thing though: if you're doing a), you don't publish it. If you're doing b), you publish it
May 20, 2011 Diane rated it it was amazing
This is a surprisingly good and inspiring story of one woman's struggle with anorexia. I say surprising because I always have low expectations when a celebrity writes a book, but Portia de Rossi's memoir is a notable exception.

Portia's problems could be traced back to when she was a child and realized she was gay. Her mom advised her not to tell anyone, which set off intense feelings of fear, shame, inadequacy and a decades-long eating disorder.

Portia's anorexia intensified when she got an acti
Lizzi Crystal
Oct 25, 2012 Lizzi Crystal rated it it was ok
I've always had a girlcrush on Portia de Rossi, and especially what she stands for: that lesbians can be glamorous and feminine. But this book soured me on her. I appreciate her candid honesty and delving so deeply into the nitty gritty of an eating disorder, but she started out spoiled, remarkably selfish, an attention whore, and didn't seem to experience much change or growth. The best part of the book is the end, when she encourages us to "welcome the worst case scenario" into our lives, tell ...more
Kristina Abretti
Feb 21, 2015 Kristina Abretti rated it it was amazing
Having both suffered and recovered from an eating disorder, this was a difficult read for me. I strained to read it slowly, as during each passage centered on Portia’s sickness, I revisited my own. Our internal dialogue – excluding our sexuality – was identical. Our disorders were established from a place of ingrained, unyielding insecurity. But they prospered; they THRIVED because of our inflexible longing to win.

I related to her harsh decision-making. Omitting the granola bar from my lunch was
Natalia Smith
Nov 16, 2010 Natalia Smith rated it it was amazing
Brilliantly written, intense, engaging, and utterly courageous in it's honesty. Portia bears her soul to the world in this book.

This is a story about a lot of things, but first and foremost, it is a story about being afraid.

This is one those books that forces you to examine your perspective. It speaks directly to that voice in the back of your mind that tells you you're not good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. Portia's story takes that voice festering in the shadows of you
Sep 04, 2012 Ais rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
I don't want to go into all the details of why I thought this book was so important/why I liked it so much but I'll go into the main reasons. To be fair I will first mention that there are a few technical flaws with it, I suppose, in that the tense shifts now and then. I've seen this mentioned and it's true that it spent so much time focused on the sickness and so little on equally detailing the recovery.

But I don't know how to say this other than just saying it: this is a very accurate view of
A heartbreaking look at mental illness from a fragile mind in an image-obsessed industry.

This was a very touching and honest memoir that really showed the struggles de Rossi went through trying to control her weight.

It's well written and occasionally I had to put it down to stop myself from crying at her pain. It's not just that this is an honest look at eating disorders, but de Rossi isn't afraid of portraying herself as less than perfect. Considering this is the image she strove so hard to ach
Megs ♥
Jun 28, 2011 Megs ♥ rated it really liked it
This was such a great story. It was so inspiring to see someone come back from such a low time, and get her life back together. She is a beautiful woman, and I'm sure her story will help some people who battle this difficult problem.
Theresa Alan
Mar 11, 2016 Theresa Alan rated it really liked it
I didn’t read this because I’m particularly interested in Portia de Rossi or celebrity, but because I’m interested in eating disorders. It turned out that I was fascinated to learn more about Portia and her career, which began at age 12 as a model, which is where the unhealthy bingeing and purging began. It’s when everything from her eyes to her thighs were discussed by her stylists, journalists, directors—everyone dissected her right in front of her, and she took those comments to heart. She co ...more
Oct 30, 2013 Amanda rated it it was amazing
Such a very sad book. It was an eye opener for me - interesting to read, but quite disturbing at the same time. I found it to be well written and from the heart.
Sonja Arlow
“Anorexia was never something I thought I could have. Not just anyone could have anorexia. It was a disorder of the highly accomplished, beautiful cultured. It belonged to models, singers and Princess Diana. I had always been secretly in awe of anorexics with their super human restraint. There is neatness to it, a perfection”

All stories about eating disorders are sad ones but the extra burden of hiding your sexuality while being under the magnifying glass of the Hollywood paparazzi made it just
Feb 23, 2012 Lynette rated it it was amazing
Never in my life of reading literature have I come across such a whirlwind of a book. I am not anorexic, but I know my way around mental illness and to say she was sick would be a VAST understatement. The book has a slow start but when she really begins to dive into the eating disorder it becomes a tornado of mania that was almost overwhelming to me. I think if anyone wanted to understand how deep and multifaceted a disorder can be they could turn to this book. 300 calories a day and her thinnes ...more
Jan 19, 2011 Christine rated it liked it
I really didn't expect to like this book and I ended up loving it. Unbearable Lightness is de Rossi's story of battling her eating disorder, self-hatred because of her sexuality, all while dealing with her increasing fame.

While the book would have benefited from a talented editor (especially in the first half) it is a brutally honest account of her struggles with eating throughout her life. Her struggle is something that every woman can probably related to on some level-the need to fit into soci
Nancy Wood
Nov 22, 2010 Nancy Wood rated it it was ok
I am sure that for the author, it was a wonderful exercise to write this book. I suppose it IS a shocking story but it got tedious for me, reading how she struggled in Hollywood to fit in and chapter after chapter of how she starved herself. It was her desperation to be famous, really, and I guess I have little sympathy for the rich and famous when it comes to how they choose to chase that fame--and why are their struggles any more "shocking" than the every day struggles of us "regular" people? ...more
Tonile {My Cup and Chaucer}
Mar 15, 2012 Tonile {My Cup and Chaucer} rated it it was amazing
Shared experiences are one of the greatest things about the human condition. No matter how troubled you are and how alone you feel, there is someone willing to listen, to care, to help, to remind you that you are never truly alone. Help might come in the most unlikely of places at the most unlikely time, but its existence alone is a miracle. Unbearable Lightness is a miracle for anyone suffering with self acceptance, body image or sexuality issues. At times funny, at times vividly graphic, at ti ...more
Nov 05, 2010 Lisa rated it really liked it
Unbearable Lightness was a compelling read, in fact I read it in just 3 days. Portia De Rossi has always been fascinating to me, she changed her name at 15 from Amanda Rogers to the more exotic Portia De Rossi on a whim, she is married to one of the most powerful lesbian celebrities out there, and she is a pretty good actress to boot. I thought her book would be more about her coming out as a celebrity, but what it really is about is her horrific battle with anorexia and bulimia.

This book is ve
Apr 25, 2016 Karen rated it it was amazing
I have been cutting back on getting as many new books on my ever growing to be read list. This is
Finally forcing me to read what I have accumulated over the years on my own book shelves. In doing so, I am finding more and more books that I had forgotten that I already own. While perusing my own book shelves I came across Unbearable Lightness by Portia De Rossi. I have forgotten when and why I bought this book when I pulled it from my book shelf to read yesterday. I was pulled into Portia's stor
Dec 31, 2011 Lavinia rated it really liked it
Each year or so I find myself wanting to diet. Needing to. Whatever. This year, being only at its beginning, I just treated myself to a nice dinner and my favourite dessert in the whole world, two Reese's peanut butter cups which I'll probably regret later. Or not. I'm thinking about the way I look, sometimes I care too much, sometimes I just ignore it. But thank goodness my life and work never depended on my looks, I never struggled to be accepted, to be admired, to fit in the latest trend of s ...more
May 15, 2013 Bethan rated it it was ok
An autobiography of the actress Portia de Rossi whom I mostly know of from watching Ally McBeal on Fridays at boarding school (haha, the common room, all huddled together in pjs and dressing gowns).

Portia seems a little nuts.. mentally obsessive. Mostly chronicles her obsessive dieting and recovery. Looking at how skinny she still is, I don't think she really has recovered but she works in an industry where most people are that weight, so, you know. A lot of them meet the medical criteria for a
Nov 07, 2010 Hilary rated it it was ok
I have mixed emotions about this book.

I truly admire her honestly in telling her story. That couldn’t have been easy. I think its wonderful that she discusses not just the physical side of what she was doing but the emotional side as well. She said in one line - basically someone can’t insult you if you don’t accept it. This really stuck with me.

On the other hand - she doesn’t discuss her recovery. Basically there was an intervention of sorts, she starts going to a therapist, lying to the therap
Jennifer Masterson
May 12, 2014 Jennifer Masterson rated it it was amazing
Portia De Rossi's bio is an amazing story about her battle with anorexia, bulimia and with being gay in Hollywood. She is truly a brave soul for writing this extremely candid bio. While this is not a perfectly written book ( it truly could have used a better editor) I am still giving it 5 stars because it was that good.
Jan 31, 2016 Samanta rated it it was amazing
Shelves: memoirs
A colleague at work recommended and gave me a copy of this book to read. I knew about anorexia and bulimia, and I knew that those are primarily psychological diseases, but getting an insight into the head of a person suffering from them is a completely different experience.

Portia de Rossi (or Amanda Rogers) has, it turns out, suffered from these diseases since she was 12 years old. She was so preoccupied with her looks (and later on with her sexuality), that she was constantly going through diet
Jan 20, 2014 Diane rated it really liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
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Portia Lee James DeGeneres, known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian actress, best known for her roles as lawyer Nelle Porter on the television series Ally McBeal and Lindsay Bluth Fünke on the sitcom Arrested Development. She also portrayed Veronica Palmer on the ABC sitcom Better Off Ted.

Portia is married to Ellen Degeneres.
More about Portia de Rossi...

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“Recovery feels like shit. It didn't feel like I was doing something good; it felt like I was giving up. It feels like having to learn how to walk all over again.” 181 likes
“True nobility isn't about being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be.” 131 likes
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