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When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal
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When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal

3.98  ·  Rating Details ·  120 Ratings  ·  12 Reviews
Have you ever been lied to by a lover? In this straightforward and supportive book, therapist Susan Forward profiles the wide variety of liars, shows you how to deal with the lies -- from the benign to the lethal -- that these men spin, and gives practical strategies to stop them before they ruin your relationship and, ultimately, your life.

Once you find out the truth abou
...more
Paperback, 240 pages
Published December 22nd 1999 by Harper Perennial (first published January 1st 1999)
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Michael Andersen-Andrade
Oct 31, 2011 Michael Andersen-Andrade rated it it was amazing
This is one of the books that helped open my eyes after leaving a relationship with a sociopath liar. It is an important book for anyone who is in the healing process and who needs help in understanding the reasons people get entangled in a web of lies and the psychology behind the compulsive liar.
Holly
Jul 28, 2014 Holly rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
This book was really a ..."good read" (pun intended!) :-) It was very difficult for me to read, but very helpful in realizing some things.

A quote from the book REALLY stuck with me.

"Even if we yell and scream at them when we discover that they lied, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”

I trie
...more
Anne
Jan 13, 2013 Anne rated it really liked it
Not a pleasant book at all, but if you have ever taken a tango with a sociopath, this does help restore.
Marcy Goodfleisch
Jul 14, 2013 Marcy Goodfleisch rated it it was amazing
Another outstanding book by Susan Forward! If you have been in a relationship with a pathological (or even periodic) liar, you need to read this book. Only someone who had lived with a deceptive or secretive partner knows the feeling of losing your mind at the same time it appears you're losing your relationship.

Forward helps clarify what is true, honest and sane compared to the things that are sham, fraud and simply crazy. She also helps warn those whose partner may be a sociopath to get out,
...more
Kayceey Greer
Mar 01, 2008 Kayceey Greer rated it really liked it
Very good feedback on emotional toll that having an untruthful mate can take. Provides some insight into identifying differences in lies of commission vs. lies of omission. Decent read, practical tools to understanding patterns of deception.
Michellesuf
Jun 01, 2009 Michellesuf rated it it was amazing
Worth reading for anyone who has been betrayed by someone you thought you loved. Especially, if you thought they loved you. Excellent recovery recommendations, responses, and scripts to remember who you are.
Rachel Swords
Jan 19, 2016 Rachel Swords rated it liked it
Some insightful and useful information here that could actually be applied to friendships as well as relationships. I especially enjoyed the chapter on confrontations. I will say that this book is written for women, given how the liar in all of the scenarios is a guy. I would have liked to have seen the author address the possibility of the woman being the liar, just for curiosity's sake. Still it was an excellent read and one I will possibly return to for guidance should any further major confl ...more
Amy Behrhorst
Nov 10, 2013 Amy Behrhorst rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very helpful in recovering from a very traumatic breakup. My fiancé was a con man and a sociopath. Luckily I found out before we married. The descriptions of why men lie and then how to heal from betrayal were very helpful to me. Thanks to Susan Forward for an important book for those of us who have been victims of men who discard a woman's feelings like useless trash. I will be ok thanks to this book and to a terrific counselor!
Janelle Westfall
Jan 16, 2014 Janelle Westfall rated it really liked it
Particularly good chapters regarding recovery from an abusive relationship with a narcissist/socio/psychopath.
Aliki
Dec 06, 2015 Aliki rated it it was amazing
Eye opening and poignant. A life saver for me. With real practical advice you can use.
Andrea Vader
Nov 05, 2014 Andrea Vader rated it it was amazing
No one ever wants to discover that someone important in their life has been deceptive. But when that happens, it's important to understand why someone might be that way without taking the deception personally. This book was essential in helping me to understand the many reasons behind deceptive behavior, how to spot red flags, and how to ultimately understand that it wasn't about ME. Learning to trust your own judgment after being majorly deceived is difficult, but this book is my number ONE rec ...more
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One of the nation’s leading therapists, as well as a best selling author, dynamic lecturer and frequent talk-show guest. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor and consultant for many Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities. She is the author of the #1 New York Times best sellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents ...more
More about Susan Forward...

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“Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior. If a man lies to you, he is behaving badly and unlovingly toward you. He is disrespecting you and your relationship. The words “I love you” are not enough to make up for that. Don’t kid yourself that they are.” 743 likes
“MAKING THE LIE MAKE SENSE:

When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
401 likes
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