Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Apr 11, 2011 Minli rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, asian-interest, adult, made-me-think

Disclosure: A friend linked me to Amy Chua's Wall Street Journal article when it first appeared. I admit, my first reaction was a mixture of anger and bitterness, since I recognized much of my own childhood in how Amy Chua treated her daughters. I read several reviews from journalists, Chinese children, Chinese parents, Western parents, Western children and so on. Amy Chua is assigned a gamut of roles, from crazy batshit insane to the messiah of parenting. I thought I should read the book and ju...more

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Aug 09, 2012 Frank Costelloe rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book! This family is so interesting it reads almost like fiction. It has been a long time since I could pick up a book and thoroughly enjoy it, but this one was a breeze to enjoy. It's so entertaining. She is funny, witty, intelligent, and more.
I have read a lot of criticism about her parenting style. I can understand why people might criticize her, but when I have looked deeper into her actions and read the book more carefully I see that she is a very caring mother. Her style is j...more I loved this book! This family is so interesting it reads almost like fiction. It has been a long time since I could pick up a book and thoroughly enjoy it, but this one was a breeze to enjoy. It's so entertaining. She is funny, witty, intelligent, and more.
I have read a lot of criticism about her parenting style. I can understand why people might criticize her, but when I have looked deeper into her actions and read the book more carefully I see that she is a very caring mother. Her style is just different. The kids don't feel abused because they know that she loves them, otherwise they would not survive the pressure. But they do survive, and excel. The basis is the foundation of their relationship which is not explained in this book.
For example, when it was her birthday and her two girls gave her a birthday card that they made themselves she said to them never to give her such a gift that they probably made in minutes. Then she retold of how when she was a kid on her mom's birthday she would get up early , clean the house, and make her mom breakfast. When I read this there is no way I can think she is an abusive and mean mom to her kids.
One child complained that she had to do piano practice that day so she didn't have time, and the mom said, "so you should have gotten up earlier." There is strictness no doubt, but not mean. She is tough, but not aggressive or violent. She lets her kids express themselves, sometimes wildly and aggressively (such as when Lulu tears up the music script), but the mom doesn't react by beating her, as some moms might. Instead she buckles down and gets more determined to win and teach her child the music piece. Why? Because as she says, she has faith in her kids, and knows they can do well. She won't let them fail, which is what happens to many western parents she says. The worst thing she says is to give into the child's frustrations because then you are telling the child that they are right, and that they cannot do it. Instead she seems to stick with them until they achieve.
*** It's several days later since writing the above.I'm reading it again. I love the freshness of her personality, the openess, the frankness, the directness. She is such a trooper, so much on her plate, but she keeps going, flying to California for a lunchtime speaking engagement and returning to the east coast the same day. She is forever on top of her children making sure they are keeping up with their music practice. She includes a script of directions that she gives to Lulu when she isn't there to supervise her. This script is so detailed. I wonder how long it took her to write it? And she says she has hundreds if not thousands of them laying about the house. Her passion for life is irresistible. I love her honesty in telling the story that led up to her running out of the cafe in Red Square in St. Petersburg, in sandals, and crying. Great stuff. I want to hang out with her!(less)

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Feb 01, 2011 Skylar Burris rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting, sociology

When it comes to cultural differences, as G.K. Chesterton notes in his essay on “The French and the English,” every cultural vice is partly a virtue, and every cultural virtue is partly a vice. The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother mucks about in this uncomfortable truth. It explores, sometimes in sweeping stereotypes, sometimes in subtler ways, the differences between Asian and American culture, as seen through the lens of parenting.

Full review here.

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May 17, 2011 Jeana rated it 5 of 5 stars

Some of my friends may be horrified, BUT I do not believe Amy Chua is the devil. I actually agree with a lot of what she believes. Although sometimes she may go over the top with it (keeping your daughter up practicing until after midnight is just not okay in my book), I think that this disciplined, practice-practice-practice idea is the way to achieve greatness.

It's funny. Yesterday in the car, I was explaining to my daughter Bianca my theory on talents. It went like this: I think that having...more Some of my friends may be horrified, BUT I do not believe Amy Chua is the devil. I actually agree with a lot of what she believes. Although sometimes she may go over the top with it (keeping your daughter up practicing until after midnight is just not okay in my book), I think that this disciplined, practice-practice-practice idea is the way to achieve greatness.

It's funny. Yesterday in the car, I was explaining to my daughter Bianca my theory on talents. It went like this: I think that having a talent in something gives you an early "success" and that makes you want to do the thing again and get that feeling of success again. So I don't think that if something comes naturally then you shouldn't have to work at it. Then later, as I was reading this book, Chua explains it in a similar way:

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning. . . Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in math, piano, pitching, or ballet--he or she gets praise, admiration, and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more."

Practice is the only way you can be good at something.

Now, I have to admit that reading about Lulu and Sophia's practice sessions with mom hovering sounds a lot like what happens at my house on given days. I didn't MAKE Bianca choose to play viola (although piano is required by me as if it were another subject in school). But Bianca chose music and I choose to make sure if I'm going to put the money into her private lessons and expensive instruments, then I am damn well going to get my money's worth. I've threatened to make Bianca stop doing private lessons, then she cries and cries and goes over and does what she needs to do. Because she likes being good at something. Her thing is music. You see, I'll never be a soccer or football mom, but I'm already a "music" mom. There's a whole vicious world out there. It really is cut-throat as Chua explains. And it is highly dominated by the Chinese. There's got to be a reason for that, and I think it does come down to Chinese parenting.

And I think sometimes we're so worried about our kids' self-confidence that a lot of mothers praise their kids even when they don't deserve it. I was once at the library when they were doing a little craft for children. It was coloring a pirate hat and when you were finished, you could go get a golden dabloon. Anyway, Portia was working on her hat for about twenty minutes when a little boy comes and sits next to us and starts scribbling crazily on the hat and his mom was praising him: "What a great job--it's wonderful!" and I was thinking if that were Portia, I'd say "You're not doing your best work. No dabloon." Why would I praise her for doing mediocre work? The part in this book about Chua rejecting her daughter's birthday card was okay with me. I've done a similar thing. I know what my daughters are capable of and I expect them to do their best work. I don't think we should praise mediocre work or why would our kids ever need to try harder? Also, when Chua said that she made her daughter keep practicing (although I would have given up way before Chua did) because she believed in her, it kind of makes sense. She was showing her daughter how much confidence she had in her by NOT letting her quit. She knew her daughter could do it--was it abuse or a confidence builder?

On the other hand as Chua discovers at the end, you've still got to give a little. There's a balance here that needs to be met that will work for each child and you are the parent and only you know it. I actually see bits and pieces of both Sophia and Lulu in my Bianca, depending on the day and her mood. I do know that my child has a lot of potential and if encouragement will help her be something a little above and beyond, then by all means I'll do it. I actually don't think Chua was being selfish (okay, it does feel good to have someone praise your child as it is a reflection on you) but the child will not regret knowing how to play an instrument in the long run. I fought my mom every day as a child and I'm so, so, so glad she never let me stop playing the piano. I enjoy it now more than I ever knew I could. It's actually a very relaxing thing to sit down and play.

The book was funny at times, informative, and deeply absorbing. Even if you don't agree with "chinese parenting", I'd say this isn't a bad book for any parent to read.(less)

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Oct 24, 2012 Allie rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: asian-american, biography-memoir, what-is-this-stoopid-crap

Amy Chua is srsly doing a disservice to Asians, Asian Americans, and the entire Asian diaspora, not to mention everyone in the whole world and the thing that is cross-cultural understanding.

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Jul 10, 2012 Elliot rated it 4 of 5 stars

I don't like Amy Chua. At all.

I do like Sophia, whom I don't know terribly well, but who stayed in my extra room a few weeks ago and who joined in me in what turned out to be a greatly enjoyable face mask party with a mutual friend. And no, I don't mean a masquerade, I mean

seriously

sans seductive avocado.

And yes, I learned that face masks do make your pores feel great. And yes, I am precisely deranged enough to read a (hopefully embellished) memoir about the successful childhood of a friend-of-a-friend...more I don't like Amy Chua. At all.

I do like Sophia, whom I don't know terribly well, but who stayed in my extra room a few weeks ago and who joined in me in what turned out to be a greatly enjoyable face mask party with a mutual friend. And no, I don't mean a masquerade, I mean

seriously

sans seductive avocado.

And yes, I learned that face masks do make your pores feel great. And yes, I am precisely deranged enough to read a (hopefully embellished) memoir about the successful childhood of a friend-of-a-friend. And yes, I stayed up all night (well, 15 minutes past my normal bedtime) to finish it. And yes, despite the many, many moments when I cringed at Amy Chua's cruelty and brutality, which so often cloaked and obscured whatever compassion she must have felt for her daughters, I may have actually enjoyed this book.

Chua gives her memoir the rhetorical flair of a didactic yet witty essay, not the matter-of-factness of an autobiography. I would never doubt that she called one of her daughters garbage, or rejected their silly, hand-drawn birthday cards for being, well, silly children's drawings. But there are times when Chua-memoirist's tongue is beating so hard against her cheek that Chua-mother's couldn't possibly be lashing out against her children, or at least not with the force she literally describes.

What more can I say? Chua is absolutely right about one thing: that the pleasure of a skill comes from months of pain that cannot be avoided. Permutations of this idea thread throughout the book, and it is the most palatable aspect of Chua's "Chinese" parenting philosophy. I could do without the authoritarian and anti-rational notion of filial piety (because parents can be dead wrong), the one-size-fits-all-approach to success, and the similar attachment to extreme forms of traditional accomplishment (so playing piano/violin in Liszt's hall in Budapest is absolutely amazing, but what isn't wonderful about writing short stories?). Should we make our children go to piano lessons even if they complain sometimes? Definitely! Should we leave them hundreds of minutely detailed instructions detailing their practice routines and obsessively criticize their playing with harsh language? No.

Towards the end, author seems to raise some doubts about her parenting style as depicted in the memoir. They're cheap and not fully considered. But they are enough of a signal to the reader that Chua has composed a work we might best understand as satire -- which masks its truths in hyperbole and intense juxtaposition to social norms. I've met more than a few survivors of "Chinese" parenting in the Ivy League, and none of them seem to begrudge their parents for what strikes me as something incredibly abusive. And I can't just chalk this up as Stockholm syndrome. First, because I feel strange objectifying my friends in that way, but more importantly because it's so clear that they've turned out wonderfully. (Maybe I'm biased by my location. How do the Tiger Cubs who don't end up at Harvard feel?) I still strongly doubt, though, even if Chua's intense mothering was sufficient, whether it was necessary for her children to bright and successful.

So what I'm saying is that I've ended up feeling much more ambivalent about this book than my gut wants me to.

How should I rate this? I don't know, only 1 and 4 make sense. Let's give it a 4 for kicks. Horrifying, amusing, disagreeable, satirical, addicting.(less)

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Jun 13, 2011 Rachel C. rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fic, parenting

This book definitely has that magical "unputdownable" quality. I started reading it while waiting for the bus and was immediately engrossed. So much so that I definitely neglected my work to sneak in a few more chapters throughout the day.

I think the media's shrill reaction to the book is largely unwarranted. Excerpts taken out of context are inflammatory for sure. But I think, as a whole, Amy Chua is pretty frank about both her strengths and her insane moments, and admits several times that she...more This book definitely has that magical "unputdownable" quality. I started reading it while waiting for the bus and was immediately engrossed. So much so that I definitely neglected my work to sneak in a few more chapters throughout the day.

I think the media's shrill reaction to the book is largely unwarranted. Excerpts taken out of context are inflammatory for sure. But I think, as a whole, Amy Chua is pretty frank about both her strengths and her insane moments, and admits several times that she's just as clueless as everyone else when it comes to doing the right thing for her kids.

And it's funny! My favorite is the stuff about her goofy dogs, and how she tried to Asian-parent them. She eventually comes to the conclusion that "although it is true that some dogs are on bomb squads or drug-sniffing teams, it is perfectly fine for most dogs not to have a profession or even any special skills."

I grew up with a kitten mother myself. For example, one of her least favorite things to do was drag us out of bed in the morning. If we were persistent enough about being exhausted, she'd let us sleep in and skip school for the day. That sort of thing. As a result, I can't read Chinese, don't play any musical instruments unless you count Rock Band and am crap at self-discipline. Do I wish my mom had been stricter when I was growing up? A little bit. (And incidentally, we still fought like crazy when I was a teenager. It just comes with the territory.)

This book made me think about what kind of parent I would be. I think I'm likely to be much stricter than my mom, just based on my attitude towards my younger brother. Even when he was in elementary school, I was always urging my parents to push him harder while my mom just wanted him to be a happy little kid. "What kind of crap is that?!" I remember thinking. And this was my incredulous Facebook post in March: "HOLY SH*T!!! My brother got into Harvard Law!! I guess I can't give him grief for being an underachiever now....."

It also made me think about my own parents, and how hard it must have been for them to raise their kids in a western society that was completely unfamiliar to them. I remember my mom helping out with school fieldtrips even when she barely spoke English, and helping me make "exotic" dishes like spaghetti and meatloaf like my friends' moms made. I think my parents really tried to be open-minded about the benefits of western education - creativity, independence, etc. - while still conveying the best of their Chinese values. So a big thanks to them for their unfailing hard work and care; my appreciation for the magnitude and complexity of their task grows every year.(less)

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Nov 21, 2011 Lucy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

There's no way to review a book like this without disclosing some of my upbringing because it shaded how I saw all of this while reading. My father had... control issues. I wouldn't consider him a "Chinese mother" because it was more about dominance than it was about the individual success of any of the children. A slip in any grade would definitely result in extreme punishment, but it would also take a lot less... a lot less.

My main problem with the Chinese childrearing system is it can easily...more There's no way to review a book like this without disclosing some of my upbringing because it shaded how I saw all of this while reading. My father had... control issues. I wouldn't consider him a "Chinese mother" because it was more about dominance than it was about the individual success of any of the children. A slip in any grade would definitely result in extreme punishment, but it would also take a lot less... a lot less.

My main problem with the Chinese childrearing system is it can easily breed abuse. The author would roll her eyes at this and call it so American of me to say that, but a roll of the eyes doesn't change it. More than once the author expressed her fear of her children having outbursts in public, not just because it was humiliating, but because Westerners didn't understand her methods. The children couldn't have play-dates, sleepovers, or friends involved in their social spheres. Secrecy and isolation are things child abusers feed on. If either of Chua's children had told a teacher some of the things she said and did to them... I think child welfare would've gotten involved. I don't think the children would have been removed from Chua's care, but I think she would've been under some scrutiny. Perhaps that scrutiny would've led to a more balanced life for the children.

Do I think Sophia and Louisa were abused? Yes and no... Loving a child, which Chua clearly does, doesn't create an impenetrable shield against abuse. Isolating children and hitting them are two different things. I believe Chua raised her children the best way she could, but I don't think the methods are utterly infallible. Isolation is damaging although not in the same way physical abuse would have been.

Chua does a fair bit of questioning her own rearing. She doesn't flinch from telling the truth, even when it portrays her in a bad light. By the end of the book I respected her and I believed there were some merits to the system. It's impossible not to respect someone who happily -- enthusiastically sacrificed for her children, but I wish she had done some intensive research on child abuse instead of universally dismissing the idea of child abuse as an American thing. Sometimes she sounds racist and ignorant, as if child abuse was strictly pseudoscience. She also blinded herself to the issues within her own culture. China's got some serious flaws with childrearing and I'm not just talking about the kids so terrified to tell their parents about a B that they fling themselves in front of trains. Think about the two child policy and the missing female children of the country. China's standards are not the automatic golden ticket.

So mixed feelings. I think Amy Chua could do with a big dose of empathy and the occasional glass of wine to unwind, but given how much she loved her children and how hard she tried -- and the way she learned to evolve her system over time, I think there are far worse people to have as mothers.(less)

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Feb 08, 2012 Aries Eroles rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Okey, I rated with five stars. Because it should be. Much that I like about the book is Amy Chua's candid revelation of her parenting style, how it affects her "positively" and "negatively". I understand that the "first impression" the book received, especially from the wide American readers, was out-raged which intimidated several others from reading it.

But, I think the book it very worthwhile a reading. Somehow it affects you and me, for once became a son or daughter and maybe would become a f...more

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Dec 29, 2011 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography, non-fiction, meridian

Before picking up this book I read a few horrified reviews. These reviewers described Ms. Chua's parenting style as akin to child abuse, swore that anyone who followed these methods was damaging his or her children, and loudly and vociferously denied that "Chinese parenting" had any virtues. The quotes they used, straight from the source, seemed to back up their assertions, and I too was somewhat horrified.

And then I actually read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. And I don't really see what all...more

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Sep 21, 2011 Books Ring Mah Bell rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: china, mom-stuff

Amy Chua screams at her daughters more than prepubescent girls scream at Justin Bieber. (At least the screaming girls are screaming affectionate things at the Biebs.) See, Amy is a "Tiger Mother". She DEMANDS perfection from her children on all fronts. For example, she forces them to practice their instruments for hours on end, and when the pieces played are not PERFECT, she yells things like, "you are a disgrace!" and also threatens to burn their stuffed animals.

Holy Moly.

For quite awhile, she...more

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Apr 28, 2011 Ivy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Let me make it clear that I am giving this book four stars not because I necessarily agree with Ms. Chua's ideas and parenting style, but because I found this book highly engaging, funny, and moving. I respect Ms. Chua's honesty in portraying herself as a fanatic mom who wants what's best for her girls even to the point of making them unhappy.

Amy Chua is a Chinese mother and in Chinese tradition, the children are expected to study hard and be the best at everything---academically and musically....more Let me make it clear that I am giving this book four stars not because I necessarily agree with Ms. Chua's ideas and parenting style, but because I found this book highly engaging, funny, and moving. I respect Ms. Chua's honesty in portraying herself as a fanatic mom who wants what's best for her girls even to the point of making them unhappy.

Amy Chua is a Chinese mother and in Chinese tradition, the children are expected to study hard and be the best at everything---academically and musically. This means lots and lots of practice which leaves little time for the things kids like to do, like sleepovers, playdates, free time,and fun with friends. Anything less than an A is unheard of and music lessons involve several hours of practice per day. Ms. Chua describes an afternoon of piano and violin practices as daily screaming matches and battles of will with her daughters. Usually the threat of losing a prized toy forever kept the girls at their instruments as children; but as they matured, Chua herself admits that her tactics came short of sheer torture. She describes herself as an overachiever who expects nothing less than 110 percent from her girls and does not hold back if something is not up to her standards, i.e. the dreaded birthday card story.

Chua ties her daughters' successes with her parenting ability. If her girls got B's or didn't win some sort of competition, than she blamed her own parenting. Chinese belief is that children honor and respect their parents above all else and children must spend their lives making them proud and being grateful for their existence. It is with this mentality that Chua has raised her daughters and, though it worked wonderfully with her eldest, her youngest fought her every step of the way.

Long story short, Chua's parenting came to a blow out once Lulu, her younger daughter, got older and downright refused to obey her mother. Lulu hit her rebellious teens and if Chua did not reexamine her relationship with her younger daughter, she would lose Lulu forever. Though much of the fights that Chua describes broke my heart, it is evident that everything this mother did for her daughters came from a loving heart and the desire to watch her daughters succeed. At times it did seem as though Amy was living vicariously through her daughters. She admits that she would have loved music lessons as a child if her parents could have afforded it, so in forcing lessons on her daughters, Chua was giving them the opportunity she never had.

Chua justifies her actions as preparing her daughters for the future. She says it is a tough world out there and Western parents are too soft with their children, allowing them to waste precious hours in front of the TV, playing video games. She states that today's young people are not going to be able to compete in the working world because they just aren't bright enough. More importance is placed on athletic successes than academic ones. She sees today's youth as disrespectful and spoiled. For some this is arguable, but I can see where she is coming from. She doesn't want her children to turn out that way.

Parenting is the hardest job on earth and children don't come with a "How To.." book. We each do the best we can and many of us learn our parenting skills from our own parents, the good and the bad. Chua admits that she raised her girls in a very strict way and wonders that some things she could have done differently. Deep down, though, she is proud of that. But she is also proud of her girls and that is as it should be.(less)

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May 22, 2011 Denise rated it 1 of 5 stars

I did not like this book and really won't recommend it except to argue with anyone who agrees with author Chua that she has an imitable or admirable parenting style. Her tone was superior and smug, all the while mostly a "brag book" about her talented, abused daughters and how SHE made them so successful. I don't understand a husband and father standing by listening to the insults and humiliation, disguised and excused as a fierce maternal love, heaped by his wife onto his precious daughters. No...more

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Mar 12, 2013 Nanny rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: para orang tua muda & yang akan menjadi orang tua

Shelves: english, biography-memoirs-history, 2013

Konon banyak orang tua Cina yang berhasil menjadikan anak-anaknya handal dalam matematika dan piawai dalam bermain musik, sehingga banyak yang bertanya-tanya apakah rahasia dibalik semua itu?

Sebagai seorang imigran Cina di Amerika, Amy Chua memilih mendidik anak-anaknya dengan cara Cina (Chinese Style) dari pada cara Barat (Western Style). Salah satu penyebabnya mungkin sebuah pepatah Cina kuno :'Prosperity can never last for three generations'. Amy sebagai imigran generasi kedua dapat melihat d...more

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Nov 03, 2012 Kritika Swarup rated it 4 of 5 stars

As you start reading the book, it’s a battle. It seems more like bickering of a mother who stands confident, stubborn and yet tries seamlessly hard to bring up her children in the best way possible. This could be any mother. It’s her story and yet everybody’s tale. She is gifted with the perseverance and ability to work tirelessly. Her firm belief sails her through the storm of resistance and opposition her children pose. She has an ideal husband who supports her irrespective of his personal vie...more

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Feb 03, 2011 Jane rated it 3 of 5 stars

Couldn't resist reading this one, especially after following all the media buzz about Chua and her "extreme" ideas. Confession: I found a lot of her practices less startling than apparently much of the general public, as we have (apparently!) been somewhat "stricter" with our own kids than many people today. To mimic Chua: A list of the things my kids haven't done: - Watch limitless hours of television (no cable TV here since my eldest was 5) - play video or computer games non-stop - fiddle with...more Couldn't resist reading this one, especially after following all the media buzz about Chua and her "extreme" ideas. Confession: I found a lot of her practices less startling than apparently much of the general public, as we have (apparently!) been somewhat "stricter" with our own kids than many people today. To mimic Chua: A list of the things my kids haven't done: - Watch limitless hours of television (no cable TV here since my eldest was 5) - play video or computer games non-stop - fiddle with cell phones, iPods, iPads, iTouches and i-whatevers (my eldest got his first cell phone as a h.s. freshman, with no texting---and then only restricted options-- for another year) - cruise the Internet for hours on end, unsupervised

Ok, so it's easy to slip into the self-righteous mode when reading Chua. Some of her efforts regarding her daughters' upbringing certainly seem extreme, and I keep thinking her husband must be one of the most saintly, patient men ever born, but there is some sense in the core of her message: kids do need, require and even appreciate at least some degree of guidance in order to make it through childhood with some skill acquisition and ability to function/succeed in the "real world." I totally buy that.

However, Chua's arrogance and scorn of those who adopt too much of the "Western parenting" philosophy wear a bit thin as the book goes on, and her outsized pride in her daughters' successes (check out what she ordered at New York's St. Regis hotel for the reception following her eldest daughter, Sophia's, recital at Carnegie Hall) is sometimes hard to swallow for a Midwestern gal like me.

Still, I can't help but think that Chua is laughing all the way to the bank, as I noted her book is currently (as of 2/2/11) #1 on the New York Times (non-fiction) bestseller list--and all because she was willing to be honest about her child-rearing practices and open herself up to criticism and, in some cases, ridicule. Would we could all reap such handsome profits for laying our family's foibles out there!

I can't wait until my book club discusses this in late March; I'm sure that within my largely conservative group of mates there will be some interesting discussion triggered by Chua's revelations.(less)

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Apr 13, 2011 Elisha Condie rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-clubs

Holy cow, I hate this lady so much. Her book kind of gives me a headache, but I can't stop reading it. I hope it doesn't end with one of her kids waving a gun around at a piano recital, but I won't be surprised if it does.

I slept on it before I finished my review of this book, seeing if it would make me more calm... but nope. Amy Chua is just appalling! I can't stand this woman. She pushes her daughters to be the best at everything, because if you're not the best then you're garbage (a term s...more

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Jan 21, 2011 Lee Anne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: borrowed-not-bought

Anyone who is Asian (which I am not), or read an Amy Tan novel (which I have), will recognize the overbearing, hyper-critical, driven, martyred Chinese mother. Amy Chua strikes a bargain with her Jewish husband: if she "allows" him to raise their two daughters in the Jewish faith, he will "allow" her to raise them in the Chinese way. That means each must play a musical instrument, and practice said instrument several hours every day (even on weekends and vacations); each must earn straight A's (...more

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Sep 17, 2011 Kristi rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle, memoir, parenting

I really wanted to hate this book. I remember being appalled by the excerpt that came out in the Wall Street Journal -- the one that set off all the brouhaha in the media about this book. But I think what many of the reviews and comments missed is that this is not a child-rearing treatise or a how-to manual -- it's a memoir. And it's a very bittersweet. touching and funny one, as well as being extremely honest. I admire Amy Chua's bravery in putting it all out there -- her finest and worst momen...more

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Feb 15, 2011 Holly rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: audio, 2011-reads

Decided to listen to this as a breezy audiobook during a few long runs, simply because people are getting all upset and I wanted to know what Amy Chua really had to say. I was vaguely familiar with her academic work on markets, democracy, and globalization (2002's World on Fire).

I listened to this as memoir, which is what Chua intended, and certainly not as a parenting manual! Unfortunately, as a memoirist she's too self-aggrandizing. Her tone is often sarcastic, relentlessly provocative, intend...more

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Michael I just finished the book yesterday, so I am going through some of the reviews. I cannot imagine having to listen to her voice read that book!! When I...more
Feb 18, 2011 10:27am

Holly Oh yes, I did say I wasn't sure what Chua intended, but as I reflect on the book after a little time I'm moving more toward your assessment (and which...more
Feb 19, 2011 08:36am

victor harris " self-aggrandizing" says it all. I'm an ex-teacher who is all for discipline, sacrifice and determination to meet goals, but her " all or nothing" me...more
Feb 27, 2011 05:25am

Dec 11, 2011 Sara rated it 4 of 5 stars

While reading this book I realized that Amy Chua was completely misrepresented by our media. Shocking, I know. But I'm disappointed that my questioning, inquisitive, FOX news hating, don't believe it until you see it, liberal self had swallowed the sound bites hook line and sinker. I'm normally smarter than that.

So what was it that made me believe the stories that this woman was the devil, that she was working her two daughters into a suicidal, violin and piano induced depression? Despite my lo...more While reading this book I realized that Amy Chua was completely misrepresented by our media. Shocking, I know. But I'm disappointed that my questioning, inquisitive, FOX news hating, don't believe it until you see it, liberal self had swallowed the sound bites hook line and sinker. I'm normally smarter than that.

So what was it that made me believe the stories that this woman was the devil, that she was working her two daughters into a suicidal, violin and piano induced depression? Despite my love of China I'm starting to think that perhaps I also have some of America's fear of China and the Chinese in me as well. It is undeniable that Chinese Americans disproportionately outperform, out earn, and even out-live the rest of us. So maybe it's jealousy. I've never played at Carnegie Hall, in fact I don't know how to play anything. But I was talented at something (swimming) and I did practice it 5 hours a day. And I was great at it. And it did, from a young age, instill in me that to be great at something you HAVE TO practice at it. Think of the benefits you learn from the discipline of dedicating so many hours into something? That's real confidence. What was that book that came out a while ago... that showed us all that it took 10,000 hours of practice to become great at something? I couldn't agree more. Mediocrity deserves no praise.

Amy Chua also has a surprising conclusion to her novel on parenting. Surprising if you believed what our media was saying about her and her 'Chinese ways' - that it all depends on the child. Some children have the natural disposition to be driven, or are already self driven, while others (as her youngest daughter Lulu taught her) need more freedom of choice.

As a teacher at an expensive private school, I see the difference between tiger mom kids and western kids instantly. Let me preface these next statements by saying 1. I'm white and was raised 'western style' and 2. Forgive me for these sweeping generalizations. But it seems as though it is only the Western kids that show up to school and show off their new iphones that they 'earned' for their Bs and Cs, while the Asians kids show up asking what they did wrong, how they can correct it, and what they can do for extra credit. (less)

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Jan 23, 2012 rachel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: do-not-own, 2012, asian

The main thought I have after reading this book is that I can never, ever imagine calling another person "garbage" -- let alone my developing child -- no matter how much fortitude I believe he or she has. There is a difference between toughness and abuse. I refuse to accept (cultural differences be damned) that calling your kids names is helpful at all. Make them practice their instruments for hours everyday? Fine. Musicality is a worthy skill and form of self expression. Don't let them go to sl...more The main thought I have after reading this book is that I can never, ever imagine calling another person "garbage" -- let alone my developing child -- no matter how much fortitude I believe he or she has. There is a difference between toughness and abuse. I refuse to accept (cultural differences be damned) that calling your kids names is helpful at all. Make them practice their instruments for hours everyday? Fine. Musicality is a worthy skill and form of self expression. Don't let them go to sleepovers? Fine. Half the time at those things is spent in catty fights anyway. Tell them they aren't working hard enough or applying themselves? More of a stretch, because I think positive reinforcement really does make some kids work harder, but this could be fine too with the right kid. But..."garbage." My brain has a hard time meshing that with "love." But I'm a Westerner, so what do I know. I also realize that Chua knows she sometimes crossed the line with her girls.

My dad was a "tell it like it is" sort of parent too. Let me say, him telling me he could see me as being the type of person who's content to "waste her life away" by working in retail (even though I enjoyed the job I had at the time), and him calling me fat, and him telling me I'd "never be a supermodel" -- all of these things completely unprovoked by anything I said or did at the time -- have helped me with nothing except discovering what will probably be a lifelong relationship with the therapist's couch. So I do feel strongly that insult is not the way to raise a child. Your child may develop a "tough core" because they had to develop a way to cope with your abuse, yes. But I would personally trade my independence and discovered inner toughness (which took a long time to get) for a better parental relationship and a self-esteem that was nurtured by parents instead of torn down by them for the sake of making me "better."

The fact is (and again, I know Chua now understands this) that some kids respond well to tough parenting and some do not. Some kids are smart and confident in their abilities and to knock them down is to make them both obedient and motivated to rise to the challenge of proving you wrong. Others are more sensitive and "weaker," in Tiger Mother-speak; I'd call it "intuitive." We don't have any desire to be leaders. This doesn't mean we're doomed to be drug addict failures. It just means that instead of learning from Tiger Mother parenting, we retreat and are hurt by it. We don't understand the random cruelty of the world, don't seek to spread it ourselves at any cost, and instead of being spurned on to succeed to prove it wrong, we just retreat into a corner and feel sorrow that the world is this way, that people don't see each other's inherent worth. It's a whole different value system.

This book, plus every time I am around my parents as an adult, makes me think about how I would raise a child if I had one. It would probably be a combination of both styles: I would be attuned to my child's sensitivity, encourage it, and never call him/her names. But I would also make them do chores, force them to read and learn to cook and spend time outdoors instead of playing computer games/watching TV, and I would probably not ever let them go to sleepovers. (less)

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Feb 06, 2011 Melissa Provost rated it 3 of 5 stars

i love buying books and having them- i'm glad i borrowed this one. it was interesting, but sort of self-indulgent, and ultimately missed the point. it's sort of an excuse for some pretty impressive emotional abuse, blamed on being chinese. the author really tries hard to make it seem like if you criticize her parenting, you're criticizing chinese culture, but it's just not the case. she sees "western" and "chinese" as mutually exclusive throughout, and decides in the end that a blend of methods...more

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Feb 14, 2011 Maria C. added it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. After reading all the publicity surrounding this book I decided to read it myself, with great anticipation. There are a couple of things I noticed about this book:
First, the title "Battle hymn of the tiger mother" is really not adequate. THe title of the book should be a mothers open letter to her (westernized) children. In this book Amy Chua is in effect apologizing (or rather explaining) to her children why she did what she did. She in effect is saying to her children "Beware. Be careful. The...more

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Dec 03, 2011 Valerie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, parenting

I teach in a school with a large Asian population. One of my colleagues told me I HAD to read this book. Before I read it, my sense was that Amy Chua's critics were ethnocentric and ignorant of Asian culture. After all, I'm a pretty big fan of the Chinese. Like Chua, I think most American parents are way too permissive and too concerned about their children's self-esteem. I also highly value academic achievement; I detest mediocrity and I consider myself a bitchy elitist in general. So while I e...more I teach in a school with a large Asian population. One of my colleagues told me I HAD to read this book. Before I read it, my sense was that Amy Chua's critics were ethnocentric and ignorant of Asian culture. After all, I'm a pretty big fan of the Chinese. Like Chua, I think most American parents are way too permissive and too concerned about their children's self-esteem. I also highly value academic achievement; I detest mediocrity and I consider myself a bitchy elitist in general. So while I expected perhaps to find Chua's methods unfamiliar, I didn't expect to have such a dramatically negative reaction to this book.

This lady is CRAZY. I would say this about a parent of any ethnicity who says and does the kinds of things she says and does. During piano practice, she calls her daughter "garbage" and threatens to burn all of her stuffed animals unless the next song is "perfect." She forbids "play dates," sleepovers, and participating in the school play. Sure, she has two virtuosos for daughters--but at what cost? While she argues that Chinese children don't end up resenting their parents any more than Western children do, it's pretty clear that she makes her entire family miserable. I wouldn't want her as my mother, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be married to her. I don't even think I want to go to lunch with this woman. She claims modesty and humility were instilled in her by her Chinese parents, but I see no evidence of either in her character. The whole book is a huge brag session about her own accomplishments and those of her kids, and her lines drip with condescension toward Western ideas about parenting. Worse, she's constantly playing the martyr, saying that Western parents have it "so much easier" and complaining about the hours of effort she has to put into her children's music careers.

Here's an idea: instead of being a joyless harpy, why doesn't she find something she's passionate about and MODEL achievement for her children? I think children follow less what their parents tell them to do and more what they SEE their parents themselves do. Chua seems like she was never really that happy at her job. She claims that kids naturally don't want to work and must be forced, but has she considered that when children are truly motivated by something they love, they generally demonstrate a high task commitment and take pride/feel joy in their achievements?

I'm not a parent yet--I'm about to be one--but everything in my bones says this woman is bad news. I've never felt less sympathy for the author of a memoir. (less)

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Feb 26, 2011 Michael rated it 3 of 5 stars

Well, Amy is mostly a Tiger Mother, but as she freely admits, she has a little part of horse to her, too -- the hind part. Thank God for her sense of humor, because otherwise her extreme ways and very firm outlook would be impossible to take. But she is disarming, obviously exaggerates a bit to make her case, and this book is fun to read -- which would probably take only two or three hours in one sitting. She's a Yale Law professor but an excellent writer, and she has some good points to make. H...more Well, Amy is mostly a Tiger Mother, but as she freely admits, she has a little part of horse to her, too -- the hind part. Thank God for her sense of humor, because otherwise her extreme ways and very firm outlook would be impossible to take. But she is disarming, obviously exaggerates a bit to make her case, and this book is fun to read -- which would probably take only two or three hours in one sitting. She's a Yale Law professor but an excellent writer, and she has some good points to make. Her story of how she brought a dinner party to a crashing halt by mentioning that she had called one of her daughters "garbage" was priceless, and led to this observation: "The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable -- even legally actionable -- to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty -- lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue.... Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement.... In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently."

Some parts of this will hit home with any American parent. My moment came when she hit Chapter 16, "The Birthday Card." I'd always known I had punted on this issue -- the sloppy little card your kid makes you in 30 seconds just before the family celebration -- and, reading Amy Chua's handling, had to respect it and wish I had done the same.

She is extreme, and, after closing the book, you may spend a day wondering how you would measure up to her high standards -- but the book is worth reading and it cannot do anything but improve your own parenting techniques to consider her no-nonsense viewpoints. Timely, somehow, too. The one place she seems less than honest is acknowledging just how much of her children's achievements were part of her own competitive drive for herself and no one else. This rating should be 3.5 stars -- can't quite give it the full fourth because of those hours of anxiety yesterday... lol.

One last bit of Tiger Motherhood: on drilling and rote work, whose virtues she praises. "What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything, you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents, because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something -- whether it's math, piano, pitching, or ballet -- he or she gets praise, admiration, and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more." (less)

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Jan 22, 2011 Julie Bernstein rated it 4 of 5 stars

As a mother who has taken a pretty staunchly anti-tiger approach to parenting, I took this book on more as an exercise in cultural literacy. I expected my feathers to be ruffled (and they were), and to be furiously highlighting areas of philosophical difference (and I was - my Kindle got quite the workout).

What I didn't expect was a well-written memoir with honesty, wit and even self-deprecation and self-questioning between the lines. The author admitted that she wasn't yet sure about 'how it w...more

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Mar 18, 2011 Cathee rated it 4 of 5 stars

I liked this book a lot more than I had expected. I went into it expecting it would be a "how to" book, trying to convince me that my parenting philosophies are all wrong. But instead I thought it read more like a cautionary tale, showing many of the ways that her plans backfired. Chua is a funny and engaging author. As I read, I found myself feeling more and more thankful for two things:

1) I was not raised by a "Chinese Mother" (as Chua describes it -- which I know is a gross generalization). A...more

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Jul 02, 2011 Xin Chen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Being grow up as a Chinese, I was so attracted to the western ways of raising children. I always felt I had no freedom, and I didn't know what I love to do. All I thought is to excel in examinations. Now in retrospect, I realize that what I was complaining is the Chinese school system not the Chinese parenting style. Compared with Amy Chua, now I would complain my parents weren't so strict on me, especially about piano. I was such a lazy piano student and my parents didn't push at all. They care...more Being grow up as a Chinese, I was so attracted to the western ways of raising children. I always felt I had no freedom, and I didn't know what I love to do. All I thought is to excel in examinations. Now in retrospect, I realize that what I was complaining is the Chinese school system not the Chinese parenting style. Compared with Amy Chua, now I would complain my parents weren't so strict on me, especially about piano. I was such a lazy piano student and my parents didn't push at all. They care about the school scores more than piano. I had interest in piano at the very beginning, and I was me who said I wanted to take piano lesson, but after a while, I soon get bored (this also has to do with the boring teaching method of the teacher, but we have no way to get a good teacher at that time, also it's not custom to question teachers in China as Amy mentioned). Now my piano is all covered with dust. I guess this also has to do with the Chinese school system. It really doesn't allow that much time to practice. I went to school at 5:30am and came back at 10pm during high school and still had endless homework to do. While Amy's children are educated in the US, so their school system allow more time to practice, their parents have more money to get them good teachers, and more flexible time to accompany them for their music lessons.

I was always thinking that if I had children in the future, I will let them choose to do what they love to do, but now, I kind of feel that it's dangerous to totally abandon the chinese parenting tradition. I won't do such extremely as Amy did, but I do agree that practice makes perfect. We need to drill the hard part to master it, and to achieve success, and to be happy, and then want to do it more.

There is a book called 'Making Learning Whole' by David Perkins, which has a chapter about working on the hard part. I really like that, and think it proposes the same thing as Amy did. I will definitely push my children in the future to drill on the hard part. I hope I can do it too. I feel I've abandoned too much hard-working tradition since I came to the US. Freedom is really attractive but dangerous sometimes. (less)

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Feb 16, 2012 Kelly Nha rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 40-books-challenge

I have not finished reading this book but I think it is really interesting and entertaining to read so far. There are a lot of readers who disagree with her extreme parenting but there are also a lot of readers who agree with what she believes. As a 13 year-old girl, I find it amazing of her to be able to point out the differences in both the cultures and parenting methods between the Western culture and the Asian culture or Chinese, to be exact. I have to admit that it has been pretty hard for...more

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