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Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity

by Kerry Cohen (Goodreads Author)

3.57 of 5 stars 3.57 · rating details · 5,308 ratings · 649 reviews

For everyone who was that girl.
For everyone who knew that girl.
For everyone who wondered who that girl was. Kerry Cohen is eleven years old when she recognizes the power of her body in the leer of a grown man. Her parents are recently divorced and it doesn't take long before their lassitude and Kerry's desire to stand out--to be memorable in some way--combine to lead her d...more

ebook, 224 pages

Published June 3rd 2008 by Hyperion

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May 05, 2013 Jenn(ifer) rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: that girl

Recommended to Jenn(ifer) by: this girl

Shelves: memoir, read-in-2012, own, female-authors

"For everyone who was that girl. For everyone who knew that girl." You know. That girl. Well it says you do right on the back of the book, so it has to be true. Right?

Kerry Cohen wants us all to believe that that girl, the slutty girl who slept with your boyfriend, you know the one, is just misunderstood. She's not slutty because she wants to be; she's slutty because she has a deep-seated need, a void, and the only way she can fill it is by seeking and getting male attention. Problem is, it only...more

"For everyone who was that girl. For everyone who knew that girl." You know. That girl. Well it says you do right on the back of the book, so it has to be true. Right?

Kerry Cohen wants us all to believe that that girl, the slutty girl who slept with your boyfriend, you know the one, is just misunderstood. She's not slutty because she wants to be; she's slutty because she has a deep-seated need, a void, and the only way she can fill it is by seeking and getting male attention. Problem is, it only works in the short term. Most guys are well adept at weeding these girls out. So the void remains, and that girl is back on the prowl before her panties come out of the dryer.

Kerry Cohen wants us to believe that going from lover to lover to lover is an addiction. It's an addiction to a certain feeling, or non-feeling that she gets from sex. It's an addiction to the power that comes from making someone want you. Addiction to the rush. And I guess for her it is. Or was. Or is. See, I'm not sure because on the back of the book it says "...she found her way toward real intimacy." But I'm not so sure she did. Because she was pretty slutty right up to the end. Then she has, what, a couple of months of not fucking anyone? Then she meets her fiancé and doesn't have sex with him right away (THIS IS HUGE!) (cough). And they get married 8 months later. I call bullshit. See, that doesn't sound like healing to me. Had she gone a year or so on her own, no random encounters with dudes she meets in bars, maybe then I would have bought her story of "finding her way to toward real intimacy." But as it stands, I'm thinking all of those insecurities are right underneath the surface, ready to pounce the next time she's feeling down on herself. I could be wrong.

I can't help wondering why, when Ms. Cohen writes about her own promiscuity, it comes from a place of shame, where as Tucker Max is downright proud of his harlotry. One man's virtue is another (wo)man's vice I suppose.

Either way, the story is engaging. She is completely balls out in her approach; she keeps nothing hidden from the reader. But then it just sort of ends without any real ending. Where's the third act? How has what she learned about herself affected the way she interacts with her spouse, the way she parents her children, the way she relates to her family of origin now?

Girl, you should have given us a little bit more! As it stands, it fell flat.(less)

35 likes · like · see review

May 23, 2008 Wanda rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This book was raw and intense in its revelations. But it suffers from a fatal flaw: the road to recovery was relegated to 9.5 pages of the 210-page memoir. And only one of those paragraphs was devoted to the pain she felt at stopping the promiscuity and attempting to face the aching emptiness without being distracted by a man. She ironically writes:

"Days pass. I spend time with my friends. I teach. I read novels and work on my own. I even try reading a self-help book about how to find love. The...more

53 likes · like · see review

Sep 15, 2012 Staci rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: girls

This book was depressing to read. I know so many girls who are so much like the author it isn't even funny. I was struck by pure sadness that Kerry went through her teens and young adult life feeling that the only time she was worthy of love was when she was having sex with some boy. That need to be loved was so strong that it influenced every thing that she did......EVERYTHING!! Many girls I work with don't care what the boy looks like, his personality, nothing...just so long as he "likes" her....more

9 likes · like · see review

Feb 26, 2011 Evan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: sexuality, 2010-reads, yearning

Apropos the naysayers of this book, it would be easy to criticize or impugn or second-guess Kerry Cohen's motives for writing it. I don't pretend to fully know what those motives were, and frankly I really don't care. The book is exactly what it says it is -- a memoir of promiscuity -- and unless you're too dense to read the title before you even crack the spine then I'm hardly amenable to taking seriously any whining you have about her behavior or character.

Cohen writes about what it means to w...more Apropos the naysayers of this book, it would be easy to criticize or impugn or second-guess Kerry Cohen's motives for writing it. I don't pretend to fully know what those motives were, and frankly I really don't care. The book is exactly what it says it is -- a memoir of promiscuity -- and unless you're too dense to read the title before you even crack the spine then I'm hardly amenable to taking seriously any whining you have about her behavior or character.

Cohen writes about what it means to want and need acceptance as a young girl, not understanding the game and making mistakes while figuring it all out -- or trying to. She isn't always admirable in her pursuit of same -- and she says so -- and to criticize the book because you may not like her or think she's hypocritical is disingenuous and absurd, and ultimately irrelevant to the point. I always detect the whiff of self-righteous moralistic hypocrisy in readers who knowingly pick up books on sexual topics with sexual protagonists and then proceed to criticize the books for being sexual and having sexual protagonists!

Although much of this covers familiar territory, I think she brings a lot of issues under the microscope with unforced ease and thankfully does not delve too hamfistedly into pop psychology. She writes it unpretentiously, cohesively and vividly. She keeps the narrative moving, provides a good sense of place without overdescription, and elucidates clearly what she is seeing and feeling. She captures well the contradictory impulses of growing up, and I really felt by reading this that I understood what was going on inside the head of a young girl. I sensed a true individual in the pages, even though the issues are common and have been written about millions of times.

Unlike another book I recently read -- David Henry Sterry's Chicken, about the life of a teen boy prostitute -- this book avoids mixed messages about the protagonist's familial influences and the bits we get clarify rather than confuse. As a man and as a reader, I found the book illuminating; it took me somewhere I have never been and can never go, and that's what I want from nonfiction. The book is honest and earnest and surprisingly non-sensational, and, truth be told, I went into it with a prurient interest and came out of it getting more than that, and that is the mark of a good book. Good job.(less)

25 likes · like · see review

Aug 10, 2008 Yulia rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: me-moirs, read-to-me-by-frank, writers-on-writing

It's a challenge not to judge the character of someone who writes such a revealing and vulnerable memoir, but I'll do my best to stick to my views on the book, not my opinions of the author, whether I saw myself in her or what she should have done.

It's somewhat awkward when she comments on her own writing ability, as none of her characters come to life. Either her friends are known only by name, or a man is identified by his sexy eyes and hair (often long and tousled). Is Eli scrawny, athletic...more

14 likes · like · see review

Jun 03, 2010 Kelly rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs, biography, depressing, dramatic, moving

Well written and fast-paced, I beg anyone to read this book and tell me they can't identify with at least one of the characters. Straying from the all too easy trap of recreating history that is commonly found in memoirs, Cohen's latest is as honest as a Burger King bathroom light at 3am. There are moments throughout the book when you're not sure if you want to hug or slap the author; whichever knee-jerk reaction you may have though, it is to the author's outstanding ability to gather you in her...more

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Mar 25, 2008 Andrew rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Reading this book was kind of hard going, especially at first. I don't want to give the indication that the writing was bad; it was actually really good, but that was part of why it was hard to get through. Kerry Cohen's matter-of-fact narration of her teenage years, and the way she spared nothing in her quest for attention and approval from boys, is unflinching, and sometimes it's hard to make it through the harsh stories she tells, especially when she describes with clarity and detail the feel...more Reading this book was kind of hard going, especially at first. I don't want to give the indication that the writing was bad; it was actually really good, but that was part of why it was hard to get through. Kerry Cohen's matter-of-fact narration of her teenage years, and the way she spared nothing in her quest for attention and approval from boys, is unflinching, and sometimes it's hard to make it through the harsh stories she tells, especially when she describes with clarity and detail the feelings of need and desire that lay under the surface for her throughout these experiences. I actually put the book down for longer than a week on two separate occasions, both times because I just didn't feel like I could take any more of the book's bleakness.

However, towards the end, when Kerry started to pull herself together, recognize the bad behavior patterns she had, and work towards changing them, I started to feel a bit better about the story I was reading. Even though I didn't have that much fun reading a lot of this book, I think it was quite well-written, succeeding in its effort to place the reader inside the mind of the titular "loose girl", a teenaged and, later, twentysomething girl who sought affirmation in sex, often from men who didn't care about her and treated her like an object. And it was probably good for me to read it, too, because even though I didn't recognize myself in Kerry's methods of dealing with her own feelings of emptiness and insignificance, I saw a lot of myself in those feelings. There was a point, towards the end of the book, when Kerry started talking about her desire to be a writer, and how she wasn't working towards it, instead focusing all her energy on her boyfriend. She said, "I'm wasting my life on this man," and I realized that I myself do a lot of the same things--waste my life on constantly worrying about whether or not I'm in a relationship, and, when I'm in one, focusing on it to the exclusion of all of my other goals in life. Thankfully, I've never gone the route of frequent, meaningless sex, but I've done plenty of things that were just as damaging in my own way. In the end, even though I'm a shy boy instead of a loose girl, I saw a lot of myself in this book. It may not be a fun read, but it's definitely a worthwhile read, even for those whose experiences are very different than those of Kerry Cohen.(less)

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Jun 24, 2008 Robert rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In "Loose Girl", Kerry Cohen has written a memoir of startling clarity and unblinking honesty. So often, memoir has proven to be a vehicle for proselytization or even vindication, but Cohen resists the temptation to assign blame or explain away the personal impulses that drove her to reckless behaviors and a pattern of promiscuity and heartbreak. Instead she is straightforward and clear, exploring her own weaknesses and her dysfunctional quest for love and intimacy through unrewarding physical r...more

7 likes · like · see review

Jul 07, 2008 Kris rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A quick and good read as biographies go. Not much in way of wit or prose, it's a rather raw and straight forward telling of how and why the author came to make the decisions she did regarding sex and relationships. Yes, there's parental issues and what no mentioned but most of it is about her need to feel loved. I think that's why I liked the book as much as I did; I can completely relate to the feelings she describes. Granted I haven't had sex with even remotely close to the number of people as...more

2 likes · like · see review

Jun 15, 2008 Beth rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I just read this guys, and it just came out, I went to the reading at Powell's and bought it there, I'm so contemporary for once.

I thought this "MEMOIR OF PROMISCUITY" would be about me but instead it was about the kind of person I find pathetic and tiresome. The narrator is not addicted to sex, but to male attention. Like, REAL addicted. Don't think this is a memoir of a modern slut, sexual liberation, blah blah blah. This is the story of a girl who wants NOTHING IN LIFE EXCEPT A MAN'S LOVE. Sh...more I just read this guys, and it just came out, I went to the reading at Powell's and bought it there, I'm so contemporary for once.

I thought this "MEMOIR OF PROMISCUITY" would be about me but instead it was about the kind of person I find pathetic and tiresome. The narrator is not addicted to sex, but to male attention. Like, REAL addicted. Don't think this is a memoir of a modern slut, sexual liberation, blah blah blah. This is the story of a girl who wants NOTHING IN LIFE EXCEPT A MAN'S LOVE. She's so desperate to be loved and kept by a man that her entire life is defined by her attempts to snag any suitable boy she meets, by any means necessary. That's where the sex comes in. For her, being easy is part of a cultivated fun-girl act that she hopes will cause boys to fall madly in love with her. It's not about pleasure -- it's about demonstrating that she's easy to be around, that she can please him, that she's not emotional or clingy, that he can count on her for a good time. In fact, she's incredibly needy, and when this comes to light, the boy of the week pulls away. So she desperately moves on to the next one, and the whole thing is repeated. Promiscuity is not about fun or liberation for her -- it's a way to catch boys and make them love her.

What the hell!

So okay, this book taught me that not all sluts are alike, and it gave me a few insights into a philosophy that totally baffles and disgusts me, so maybe I'm more understanding now, less of a bigot. I do know girls like this, though they are not always rampantly promiscuous.

P.S. Guess what CURES her slut ways? I'm going to spoil it:

MARRIAGE! Now she can't sleep around, so she must be cured? Like SEX was her problem in the first place? Hello! Nuh-uh! She's addicted to male affection, and now she's ostensibly got a lifetime supply of it. How can that be called a recovery? Sorry, Mrs. Cohen, but it seems like you're as dependent as you ever were, and twice as deluded.

The narrator never learns to love herself enough to live independently. This is baffling, frustrating story with a sad, deluded ending.
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Jun 15, 2008 Kathleen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a book that every woman needs to read! Even more so if you are the parent of a daughter. I pair this with Pledged by Alexandra Robbins as "Must Reads" for any girl on her way to college, in college, or about to send their own daughter to college.

Kerry gives a powerful and moving picture of what could happen when we don't empower our own girls to take charge of their bodies as well as their minds. By sharing her painful past with us, she hopes to give us the tools we need not to let anyon...more

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Jul 04, 2008 RatsRGods rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: wanna-be sluts and the people that love them

Recommended to RatsRGods by: My boo

This book was okay. It was a very fast read (books about slutty girls alway are). I guess I can just say it's an "in between the good stuff" book. A readable but forgettable account of a young womans life of being a ,well, Loose Girl. Most of the time I just wanted to shake the author and say "Yeah, I get it! You're a needy, bottomless pit that tries to fill it up with PENIS! Real original. Get over it!" It's kinda like a poorman's version of Less Than Zero.

9 likes · like · see review

Jan 15, 2009 Christy Sibila rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Everyone has a story to tell: about their shitty childhood, failed marriage, battle with cancer, a parent with Alzheimer's, but quite honestly, not everyone should share their story with the world. Yet people do, and the result is piles and piles of simply awful memoirs, that would be better served as pages in a private diary. Loose Girl is not one of these memoirs. Kerry Cohen is a talented, bona fide writer, who masterfully connects her story to the human condition, without the added benefit o...more

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Mar 21, 2013 Barbara Elsborg rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A bit dreary. It felt very self-indulgent to me, rather like those celebrities that claim to do something for charity and want us to sponsor them to do it. So she slept around - a lot - so what? Are we supposed to be learning something, because it doesn't appear as if she did. She has a husband, kids and still gets that buzz over guys. Well, most women like looking at handsome guys - that's why there are popular film stars. It was just like reading a teenage diary of boys i have slept with. Yes,...more

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Oct 01, 2009 Dooley rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I don't see how this memoir benefits anyone but herself. This is not a novel about self-reflection and/or improvement, this is a depiction of a "notchpost" sex addict who comes off as bragging about her sex life. If the author was *truly* seeking love and used sex as a means to find it, then why did she cheat on everyone that she ever claimed to have "loved"? Why, after a lifetime of promiscuity, complete with STD/HIV scares, who knows how many pregnancy scares, and pushing away loved ones, woul...more

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Jun 23, 2008 Geoff rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Fans of Addiction Biographies

Loose Girl is a well focused look at one woman's journey through insecurity, dysfunction and unhappiness. It reads a lot like many other 'addiction' books but since the 'addiction' it covers is sex, the highs and lows are a lot less extreme. Author Kerry Cohen does a good job of drawing the reader in and
creating a very vivid and engaging world. Her writing is clear, flowing and polished. I found myself zipping through the book fully engaged with Cohen's journey. My biggest gripe is that the boo...more

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Jun 15, 2008 John rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2000-and-beyond, nonfiction, biography-and-memoir

Kerry Cohen discovered that her body gave her power over boys and men. Early on she described an angst, a turmoil, that everybody experiences and must cope with in some way. Some attempt to deal through drugs, alcohol, exercise or by following their ambitions and dreams. Kerry chose sex. She sought love and true intimacy. What she found instead were lasting confusion and an emptiness that did nothing to lessen her pain. Will Kerry realize in time that she had been searching for validation of her...more

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Sep 09, 2008 Tara rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Tara by: Cassandra

Shelves: book-club

I was not really sure what I would think of this book. I figured it would almost be like a fantasy or sci fi book because her reality was so different than my own reality. I did realize that we all have the same teenage angst, but we dealt with it in a very different way. Maybe it was her dysfunctional family or maybe the night in the car when she was young. I feel like it gave me an understanding of what girls I knew and know felt like and why they made choices they did.
I thought as the book g...more

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Dec 20, 2008 Terry rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

I gained some insights reading "Loose Girl," although not as many as I had hoped. As a boy - Hoffmann's word for any eligible male - it was fascinating to hear the thoughts of a girl so completely oblivious to the arc of her own actions. As a teen, a young adult, and as a grown woman, Hoffmann plays variations on the same promiscuous theme. But even as I wondered at her actions - "Is she doing that again!" - I felt strangely distant. There is no real shape to the unending sequence of conquests,...more

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Jul 21, 2008 Patrick rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2008

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

1 like · like · see review

Jun 21, 2008 Anina Ertel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, biography

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jan 25, 2009 Kara added it · review of another edition

Remind me not to read this when my daughter gets closer to adolescence. An honest (but depressing) narrative.

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Nov 05, 2008 Susan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I could have written this book myself. I found a lot of myself in the story. The needing and wanting to be loved I personally deal with still to this day. I thought it was a brave story, to put yourself out there like that and admit to your sexual past is humbling at best. I thought it was an easy read. It also made me look at the girls we called 'sluts' in high school in a new way. We are all searching for love. Some of us are just better at it than others. I hope my own life ends with the happ...more

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Oct 12, 2012 Lisa Vallier rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

In general I'm not a huge fan of memoir. They tend to meander into personal opinion and intricate detail of events I don't care about. Not so in this novel. Loose Girl - A memoir of promiscuity is the story of Kerry, the daughter of divorced parents. Her mother leaves her and her sister to go to the Phillipines to get her doctorate depositing the two girls with their father, a self-involved 80's capitalist.
Kerry and her sister are left to their own devices. Kerry turns to men while her sister r...more

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Nov 20, 2008 Janet rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir-bio

While I certainly could relate to a story of continually using boys/men to boost self esteem, I didn't think this particular story was very interesting or insightful.

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Mar 26, 2013 Rindi rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Now, I'm not a huge fan of memoir's or anything like that, but this book was phenominal. The title of the book is exactly what the book is about, and the reason I loved it so much was because it was told as if it was a fiction book. She told everything like it was, how she did pot, how she had 2 STD's and so on. She isn't as descriptive sex wise as say....50 Shades (but why read something like that?) but she does tell it like it is.

Downside: I thought the ending came very abruptly. I was so engr...more

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Jan 22, 2013 John Martindale rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, social-psychology, audiobook

I decided to read this heart-breaking book, because I wanted to have a better understanding of why girls at such young ages flaunt themselves as mere sex objects, attracting to themselves the worst of men. I wanted to have a glimpses into the emotional and thinking process that leads to such irrational behavior. I heard today that 1 in 3 teens get pregnant, this book helps to explain this disturbing statistic. I would hope that girls who read this book, might have their eyes opened and reconside...more I decided to read this heart-breaking book, because I wanted to have a better understanding of why girls at such young ages flaunt themselves as mere sex objects, attracting to themselves the worst of men. I wanted to have a glimpses into the emotional and thinking process that leads to such irrational behavior. I heard today that 1 in 3 teens get pregnant, this book helps to explain this disturbing statistic. I would hope that girls who read this book, might have their eyes opened and reconsider their ways.

I love the honesty in this book. Though, I have next had sex (I haven't even kissed a girl,) I know all to well the intoxicating power of desire, which binds our reason and willpower. So I could still relate with her in part; especially with her gradual realization of how selfish, irrational and self-destructive her feelings and behavior were. Kerry, like me, oscillated from “returning to her vomit,” to having sober moments where she knew she had to change, these flickers of rationality gradually consolidated, fueling her very slow journey out of a destructive life-style.

I do kind of wished the book had an epilogue, reassuring us, that she succeeded at leaving the habit behind and remaining faithful to her husband. But even without this, I think her story speaks volumes. Kind of like an honest story of a drug addict or an alcoholic, teaches one to avoid drug dependency and drunkenness; this memoir of promiscuity teaches one to see the profound wisdom of abstinence!

But yeah, this book was a horrific glimpse at a world I've been fortunate enough not to live in. The context of her story is a broken home, 'adolescent' parents, lack of positive role models, no training in reason, morality and self-control and her being surrounded by selfish, cruel, unstable, perverted, petty and immature peers and adults.

She was incredibly needy, and once some pervert trucker looked her up and down, she realized her body had power. Her body was to be the tool for being wanted. Men wanted sex, but it seemed to her, that if she was the object of their lust, then it meant they wanted her. At a very early age, being wanted and sex were fused together. But little did she understand that there are some people you shouldn't want, to want you! She was like a lonely fish, who so longed to be an object of desire, that she actually went out looking for the shark! Again and again, she gave herself to the predictors, perverts and the most debased scumbags that crawl the earth. Why? The fish felt an odd sense of power over the shark, power to catch its attention, power of make the shark want it and that was all that mattered.

To all the male sickos, she was nothing more then a stick of gum, something they chewed up, and the moment the flavor was gone, spit out. Her body was indeed the object their desire (but she wasn't), the moment after sex was over and their lust was abated, they felt nothing for her but disgust or indifference. Sex was so incredibly cheap and empty. To begin with, it brought little pleasure, but her addiction to feeling wanted (even if only for a fleeting moment) drove her on, putting her in dangerous situation after dangerous situation.

In the second phase of her life, while in college, she is definitely enjoying sex for the most part, it was her drug of choice. She loved the game of seducing men. In fact she became the predator, trying to steal men away from their significant others, because she selfishly longed for them to want her more, then their own wife or girlfriend. Now it is frightful how "loose" everyone one is her story. Its disturbing and grieves my heart to see how society has come to this: so little integrity, love, faithfulness and trust.

Once she finally had some steady boyfriends, all her relationships were one dimensional. It seems to me that when dating starts off with sex, the relationship revolves around it, which results in the appetite for everything else being ruined. Sex is only the cherry on top, and the cherry was all she got, there was no cake. Sex for her was like the candy that made it where she couldn't enjoy a gourmet meal. In fact, if relationships could be compared to food, all she ever had was candy, there was no substance; no deep conversation, interest, trust, kindness, understanding, relating, serving, listening and love.

Kerry story, reenforced my conviction to save sex for marriage. I want to have months or years of developing friendship and depth and commitment. Then within the security of marriage, sex will complete the intimacy; it will be a 3 dimensional relationship. My favorite definition of love is to do the highest good, and it is obvious that this is the highest good for myself and whomever I shall (I hope) one day meet.
Getting together merely based on physical attraction and being physical from the start, is the norm today, and I imagine this is why people leave for the next sexy object that crosses their path, once sexual desire for their partner begins to decrease.

But yeah, enough with my moralizing. This book was extremely thought provoking and I could continue on writing. But this is long enough.
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Jan 17, 2013 Thomas Holbrook rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memior

Review of: Loose Girl: a Memoir of Promiscuity (1st ed.) by Kerry Cohen, Hyperion, 77 West 66th Street, New York, New York 10023-6298. 2008 by Kerry Cohen. 210 pages. [Jan. ‘13]

Memoirs have the same power and shortfalls as those found in personal therapy. The power comes from the individual speaking the truth of her/his life. The downfall is the individual’s perspective is limited to his/her own experience. When a person risks the vulnerability of letting others see them, as much as one can be...more Review of: Loose Girl: a Memoir of Promiscuity (1st ed.) by Kerry Cohen, Hyperion, 77 West 66th Street, New York, New York 10023-6298. 2008 by Kerry Cohen. 210 pages. [Jan. ‘13]

Memoirs have the same power and shortfalls as those found in personal therapy. The power comes from the individual speaking the truth of her/his life. The downfall is the individual’s perspective is limited to his/her own experience. When a person risks the vulnerability of letting others see them, as much as one can be so transparent, as they see them themselves a magical even can occur. The listener has the occasion to become likewise vulnerable, at least to one’s Self, in respect to one’s on life. Ms. Cohen, a child of privilege and divorce, is that kind of vulnerable and transparent in this memoir that the invitation offered the reader to become likewise open, is frightening.
When Ms. Cohen was eleven her parents divorced; neither her engineer father nor her “artistic” mother had sufficient Self to give the author or her sister the love, limits or guidance they needed. Instead, her mother abandons both girls to the care of their father in order to pursue a medical degree; her father’s idea of parenting is being a “buddy” and buying them things. The gap this lack leaves in Ms. Cohen is deep and one she spends the next 20 years trying to fill by seeking a sense of self through external affirmations. The path she chooses in trying to achieve this goal is using her sexuality to ensnare someone into a meaningful, fulfilling relationship.
As Ms. Cohen ages (“matures” would be an overstatement) she can see the choices she is making are poor, self-defeating and she feels powerless to resist them. To witness those numerous, cyclic attempts is tedious and painful, as it must have been for the author to have experienced. In describing herself, she appears as a classic Co-Dependent (one who is dependent/addicted to relationships &/or people to be “complete”). Her approach to relationships, as they are described, has more the flavor of addiction than they do of connection. She feels she knows what she is looking for but has no idea how to obtain it, that for which she searches does not exist – a person who “will make me whole by being with me.”
The book ends abruptly with a sense of being incomplete, with the author married to “someone who will love me,” yet she continues to exhibit the emptiness that has plagued her all her life. The information listed about Ms. Cohen on the book’s dust jacket states she is a psychotherapist, still married and the mother of two sons. One can suppose she has achieved some level of success.
This is a book about an individual’s descent into unhealthy relationships using sex as an object to trap someone into loving her. It is somewhat graphic and profane in its discussion about sex. Her ability to succeed in showing her desperation without being vulgar is an indication of her writing abilities. The only violent moments are shown to reveal the depth of her hopelessness. Those who read this book will better understand the pain of addiction.
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Dec 21, 2012 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A piece of me, especially back in my twenties (ah, the Glory Days), wanted to be a loose girl…the kind of girl who I imagined could throw caution and anxiety to the wind. I wondered what it felt like to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl who did whatever and whoever she pleased, no worries about disease, rape, loyalties, or awkward moments.

Turns out, I got it all wrong. For Cohen anyway, being a loose girl had nothing to with feeling carefree. She was not a sexually empowered woman with a st...more A piece of me, especially back in my twenties (ah, the Glory Days), wanted to be a loose girl…the kind of girl who I imagined could throw caution and anxiety to the wind. I wondered what it felt like to be that kind of girl. The kind of girl who did whatever and whoever she pleased, no worries about disease, rape, loyalties, or awkward moments.

Turns out, I got it all wrong. For Cohen anyway, being a loose girl had nothing to with feeling carefree. She was not a sexually empowered woman with a strong libido, unafraid to take what she wanted. She was not having sex because she felt like it. Cohen was a frantically insecure, emotionally needy woman, desperate for attention. She believed that having a man, any man, in her life, made her a better, more lovable, more relevant person.

When a man was on top of her, she felt whole. When he pulled out, she was empty. For Cohen, sex was not about pleasure – most of the time she didn’t even seem to enjoy it – it was about feeling wanted. She grasped for attention the way a junkie scrambles for their next hit.

Loose Girl is a fascinating look into a sex addict’s mind. I was honestly surprised by the amount of value she put on male attention. I had no idea how little a sex addict’s addiction was about the actual sex. In this regard, I learned a lot from this book, and I’m glad I read it.

What I didn’t like, was that Cohen repeated her desperate acts over and over and over. Less than halfway through the book, I was more than ready for her to figure it all out, to have her “aha moment” and love herself. Her desperation was painful and after a while, so very predictable. I wouldn’t recommend this book to everybody. It is easy to get frustrated with the author and her mistakes. It is easy to forget that this is real life, and in real life, it can take a long time for us to learn our lessons.

In the end, I got what I was looking for from this book. The back cover promises:

For everyone who was that girl.

For everyone who knew that girl.

For everyone who wondered who that girl was.

When it comes to this, Loose Girl certainly delivers.

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Jul 06, 2012 Joe Petri rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Exciting at moments, but mostly heartbreaking, Kerry Cohen's memoir of self-loathing and consistently poor decision making will make good reading for any young adult. While I imagine most readers haven't carried on to the extremes of the author, it is still easy to identify with the teenage feelings of longing and inadequacy that drive her story and more important, provide a glimpse of the bottom of her self-centered drive to fill some imagined void in her life.

That said, her life story does bec...more

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About Kerry Cohen

Kerry Cohen is the author of Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity; Seeing Ezra: A Mother’s Story of Autism, Unconditional Love, and The Meaning of Normal; Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity; as well as three young adult novels – Easy; The Good Girl; and It’s Not You, It’s Me. Her essays have been featured in The New York Times' "Modern Love" series, The Wash...more

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Books by Kerry Cohen

Dirty Little Secrets: Breaking the Silence on Teenage Girls and Promiscuity

Seeing Ezra: A Mother's Story of Autism, Unconditional Love, and the Meaning of Normal

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“I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I want to be done, to be left unburdened and naked, to tear the hurt off my body like layers of clothes. At the end of the trail I stop and bend forward, hands on my knees, to catch my breath. I’m not healed, but for this moment, I’m better.” — 21 people liked it

“He remains kind, but a feeling nags at me, staying with me long after I leave. And it's this: It doesn't matter what I did to him. He can choose to remain detached, untouched by me. Something I can't do back.” — 3 people liked it

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