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Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

3.92  ·  Rating Details  ·  108 Ratings  ·  7 Reviews
In this fascinating and provocative book, Dr. Michael Bader offers a groundbreaking new theory of sexual desire. Drawing on his twenty-five years as a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, Dr. Bader demonstrates that rather than being programmed by biology or society, sexual fantasies and preferences are really psychological antidotes to unconscious dangers. Armed with this n ...more
Paperback, 304 pages
Published January 18th 2003 by St. Martin's Griffin (first published January 12th 2002)
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Adrian Colesberry
Jun 26, 2009 Adrian Colesberry rated it really liked it
This is a marvelous book. At the very end, Bader tosses off a sweeping philosophical statement that provides a key to his thinking. In a few sentences, he discards the Freudian fantasies of perverted, sadistic children whose original impulses are more or less directly expressed in adult human "perversions" such as an obsession with anuses or high heels or punishment. Instead, with compassion and the kind of common sense that is all too rare in the professionally trained of any profession, he pro ...more
Heather Shaw
It's not "arousal" that I recently read, it's "Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It --And Men Don't Either."

Okay at first I wasn't much impressed. The book seemed standard fare as in fantasies are a way of dealing with childhood trauma and adult fears. But then, I got to thinking -- maybe pornography, dominance issues, and prostitution aren't generally dealt with from a fear/trauma perspective. Bader's point, for example, that some men worry too much about taking care of or not hurting
...more
Starfire
Mar 02, 2010 Starfire rated it liked it
I actually finished this book over the weekend, but I've been putting off reviewing it because I haven't really been sure what I wanted to say about it.

I was drawn to pick it up when I saw it at the library a couple of weeks back partly because I'm going through an intellectual "learning more about sexuality" kick at the moment, and partly because there are parts of my own sexuality and psyche I've always been frustrated about not understanding - parts of me where I really, really want to know *
...more
Sonica
Feb 02, 2016 Sonica rated it it was amazing
An extremely effective, if unusual, way to understand the most hidden and perplexing parts of yourself. This guy makes a lot of sense!
Kent Winward
Dec 22, 2015 Kent Winward rated it it was amazing
This book is an embarrassment of riches on understanding sexual fantasies without judgment and with a focus on to the inner self. Reading the book is a little bit like getting psychoanalyzed, but in a very good way. Why do we fantasize the way we do in all our individual peculiarities? Because our brains are going to figure out how to get us aroused safely. In that context, the outer shell gets broken and our true inner demons, often that have nothing to do with sex, are exposed. Thinking about ...more
Rev Yemaja
Oct 21, 2013 Rev Yemaja rated it it was amazing
This author has helped me understand my own sexuality. As a survivor of rape this book has revolutionised my love life. I have been set free from survivor guilt.
Carisa
Nov 18, 2010 Carisa rated it really liked it
This book is giving me more to think about with regard to sex and what is considered pathological. It's a very interesting read.
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