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Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies
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Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

3.96  ·  Rating Details ·  134 Ratings  ·  10 Reviews
Sexual fantasies. Everyone has them, but no one knows what they mean. People are curious about and often confused by the things that arouse them, yet they are often too ashamed to reveal their most private fantasies to their partners or even their therapists. In this fascinating and provocative book, Dr. Michael J. Bader offers a groundbreaking new theory of sexual desire,
Hardcover, 288 pages
Published January 12th 2002 by Thomas Dunne Books
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Adrian Colesberry
Jun 07, 2009 Adrian Colesberry rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is a marvelous book. At the very end, Bader tosses off a sweeping philosophical statement that provides a key to his thinking. In a few sentences, he discards the Freudian fantasies of perverted, sadistic children whose original impulses are more or less directly expressed in adult human "perversions" such as an obsession with anuses or high heels or punishment. Instead, with compassion and the kind of common sense that is all too rare in the professionally trained of any profession, he pro ...more
Heather Shaw
It's not "arousal" that I recently read, it's "Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It --And Men Don't Either."

Okay at first I wasn't much impressed. The book seemed standard fare as in fantasies are a way of dealing with childhood trauma and adult fears. But then, I got to thinking -- maybe pornography, dominance issues, and prostitution aren't generally dealt with from a fear/trauma perspective. Bader's point, for example, that some men worry too much about taking care of or not hurting
Kent Winward
Nov 01, 2015 Kent Winward rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is an embarrassment of riches on understanding sexual fantasies without judgment and with a focus on to the inner self. Reading the book is a little bit like getting psychoanalyzed, but in a very good way. Why do we fantasize the way we do in all our individual peculiarities? Because our brains are going to figure out how to get us aroused safely. In that context, the outer shell gets broken and our true inner demons, often that have nothing to do with sex, are exposed. Thinking about ...more
Aalok Wyckid
The ideas in the book are thought provoking, but the book is written in a way that makes reading it a slog. I give it's content 5 stars, but I have to take 2 back for the writing.
I actually finished this book over the weekend, but I've been putting off reviewing it because I haven't really been sure what I wanted to say about it.

I was drawn to pick it up when I saw it at the library a couple of weeks back partly because I'm going through an intellectual "learning more about sexuality" kick at the moment, and partly because there are parts of my own sexuality and psyche I've always been frustrated about not understanding - parts of me where I really, really want to know *
Not what I expected

As the author said, every person and every mind is different, so this book doesn't offer a good framework for sexual fantasies, just a set of few examples that area talked again and again during the book.
Rev Yemaja
Aug 08, 2013 Rev Yemaja rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This author has helped me understand my own sexuality. As a survivor of rape this book has revolutionised my love life. I have been set free from survivor guilt.
Jul 20, 2016 Adam rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Some interesting thoughts, but I think I'll stick to Jack Morin.
Feb 02, 2016 Sonica rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An extremely effective, if unusual, way to understand the most hidden and perplexing parts of yourself. This guy makes a lot of sense!
Jun 15, 2009 Carisa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book is giving me more to think about with regard to sex and what is considered pathological. It's a very interesting read.
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Dr. Michael Bader is a psychologist and psychoanalyst with over 30 years of clinical experience. He received a Doctor of Mental Health degree at the University of California, San Francisco, in 1980, and became licensed as a Clinical Psychologist in January 1984, he currently combines a private practice in San Francisco with his work as a senior advisor for the Institute4Change, an interdisciplinar ...more
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