The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

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The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

by Neil Strauss (Goodreads Author)

3.74 of 5 stars 3.74 · rating details · 7,815 ratings · 926 reviews

Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist. They live together in houses known as Projects. And Neil Strauss, the bestselling author, spent two years living among them, using th...more

Hardcover, 464 pages

Published September 6th 2005 by It Books (first published 2005)

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Community Reviews

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Feb 06, 2013 Chelsea rated it 4 of 5 stars

I have a habit of thinking I understand guys. I have three younger brothers and no sisters, and I've read a lot of comic books. I was telling Chance, Evan and Adriel about teratomas on Friday and they were really grossed out; I assume that guys don't tiptoe around me out of deference to my delicacy. But I think that assumption is a mistake.

Back when I used to read Rolling Stone, I used to read Neil Strauss. He seemed (see Chuck Klosterman) more enamored with the concept of stardom than I in gene...more

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Jun 07, 2007 Amitai rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those (men) who chase phantoms instead of dreams.

I know I'm taking a risk by even acknowledging its existence and my familiarity with its contents. It may not be interpreted kindly that an Orthodox rabbi (in training) reads *this* widely. But this book tells a story of ethical tension that is, hands down, the most powerful treatise on morals and group dynamics I have ever read. Period.

I found it at once the modern man's sefer mussar of choice, and the endgame of every single Reality TV show every made. But it is not for everyone.

You'll know if...more

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Apr 01, 2009 Derek rated it 4 of 5 stars

Impossible to put down. This is a fascinating tale of a guy with marginal skills with the ladies (despite fame), who sets out on a life changing mission to master picking up women. I dare you to try and not get hooked in the first few pages. The characters are philanderers, gigolos, wannabes, braggarts, and every dysfunctional category in between.

Their quest is obvious, and thrust in your face; to hook up with as many beautiful women as possible. Strauss becomes prolific at the social marketing...more

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Sep 19, 2007 christy rated it 1 of 5 stars

Although well-written, this book is appalling and sad. Ultimately this peek into "the secret society of pickup artists" is not as enlightening as the cover art, book jacket and title would like us to think. And I can't help but feel a writerly disappointment in Neil Strauss for having embraced something that brazenly revels in its own misogyny.

Don't be fooled; Mystery--who is a classic example of what happens when one is deprived of love and validation as a child-- tries to spin his technique as...more

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view all 12 comments

Dimitris Hall Interesting comment, and I agree with your view on things. But what kind of societal problem could such phenomena indicate?
Sep 30, 2012 02:00am

Jesse Gordon It's very cool that you are able to compare biases against the PUA community to your own biases against mental health professionals. I don't think man...more It's very cool that you are able to compare biases against the PUA community to your own biases against mental health professionals. I don't think many people take the energy to extrapolate their thoughts that far. Kudos.

As someone who has spent a lot of time exploring/teaching/using PUA techniques, from Ross Jeffries (who I think embodies a lot of the negative stereotypes of PUA's) to the more admirable David DeAngelo and Wayne Elise (Juggler), I feel I should offer up a few ideas that might further your understanding.

"The comfort zone is your enemy" - Neil Strauss

I fail to see how Neil is being complacent. He set out on a journey to improve his social surroundings and his ability to interact with new people, and he succeeded admirably. With many stumbling blocks along the way, but he who has never failed has never tried anything new.

"There is no such thing as a bitch. She's only a bitch to you" - Neil Strauss

If you are interacting with a woman and she is rude or dismissive of you, the common reaction is to place the blame on her. To say, "whatever, that chick is just a bitch". Or even claim ironically that she's a "slut". These are just a few of the negative habits that many AFC's will have in their journey to becoming a PUA. It is up to their teachers to let them know that while they may have gotten into the game for all the wrong reasons, such as taking advantage of women out of built up resentment for being rejected so often by them, these poisonous thoughts must be put to rest if you are to improve. If a woman is a bitch to you, you must be willing to place the blame on yourself and examine different ways in which you could have interacted with her that would have yielded a better result. The system we 'exploit' is not broken, it's we that are broken. We are so afraid of our ego's being hurt that we would rather lead lives of mediocrity than put it in harms way in order to learn from the experience. As Siddhartha said, "wear your ego like a loose fitting garment". This whole "be yourself" thing is crap, because the self doesn't exist as some permanent entity. Don't just be yourself, be your best self.

Being a PUA is about understanding women, often understanding them better than they understand themselves. And in my experience, understanding always breeds compassion.

The reason why jerks often get the girl is because they have a tendency of also being spontaneous and enthusiastic, they are so self involved that their arrogance is often misinterpreted as a cool confidence. Great PUA's do not teach men how to be jerks, they enlighten them as to why good intelligent women are so capable of being lured by jerks. I use to resent a lot of my girlfriends when they fell for jerks, but these resentments fell away and restored my relationship with those friends once I understood these principles. Never be afraid of the truth, it is the enemy of hate.

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein

Your fear of connecting with women in a way that makes them develop feeling for you seems unfounded. I strongly urge you to consider that your fears are what are blocking you from living life to your full potential. If you honestly feel you are incapable of being in love, your current relationships must be extremely dull indeed. Why would you insist on maintaining the status quo? Granted, it's extremely difficult to see the benefits of putting in the work now while you do not feel the love you are capable of, I know this frustration all too well. But I am confident in my opinion that there are countless rewards awaiting you once you reject those immobilizing fears.

My 2 cents, anyway.(less)
Sep 30, 2012 11:27am

Dec 01, 2008 Jenny rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Jenny by: Pete's book club

Oh wow, hard to say if I'm horrified or fascinated or what. I guess some of both. Good thing I'm reading this for book club cuz I can't wait to discuss. I can't believe this is for real. And then what I'm wondering is, what are girls supposed to do? Just sit there and look pretty? Hmm. But here's some quotes I liked:

"In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you...more

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Dec 17, 2012 Leajk rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: women who need help spotting a-holes at night clubs

Recommended to Leajk by: male acquaintances of the past

Know thy enemy.

One extra star for pure entertainment value, especially the very first scene where 'the hero' of the book, Mystery, lies curled up crying on the floor of the communal pickup mansion dressed in the bathrobe of his ex-stripper girlfriend.

Apparently he misses her a lot, which is quite sweet I suppose.

That is for a man who reinvented himself from a living-in-his-parents-basement type of guy, to instead be the type of guy who cons insecure wannabe starlets in LA.

And thereby invente...more

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Aug 25, 2008 Debbie rated it 3 of 5 stars

Recommended to Debbie by: Elizabeth

Shelves: trash, non-fiction, politics, feminism

This is a surprisingly good book that I would never have read if it hadn't been strongly recommended by a friend who was reading it and was totally fascinated by the gender politics. The author, Neil Strauss, has ghost written some celebrity memoirs, and writes for Rolling Stone and the New York Times. In other words, this man can write. The thing that makes this book so interesting is the author's running monologue about gender, specifically masculinity and the ways that boys and men are taught...more

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Apr 06, 2008 Kirsty rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

I spent the first 100 pages utterly confused. Was the point of The Game to meet lots of girls, get a girlfriend, or just have lots of sex? One wannabe-PUA crows about losing his virginity - it's a horrible, painful experience which he can't wait to end. But afterwards, he says that he's excited because this will take the pressure off, and allow him to approach more women, presumably to have even more painful, awful sex with women he doesn't like.

After a few hundred pages I realised that The Game...more I spent the first 100 pages utterly confused. Was the point of The Game to meet lots of girls, get a girlfriend, or just have lots of sex? One wannabe-PUA crows about losing his virginity - it's a horrible, painful experience which he can't wait to end. But afterwards, he says that he's excited because this will take the pressure off, and allow him to approach more women, presumably to have even more painful, awful sex with women he doesn't like.

After a few hundred pages I realised that The Game isn't about sex, or getting a girlfriend, or falling in love. It's just about showing off in front of other men. They're collecting women, but it could just as easily be fast cars, or the high score on Zelda, or bear carcasses. PUAs go out, recite their lines, get phone numbers or a 'kiss close' (a girl kisses you, then leaves), then go home to type up their conquests on PUA message-boards. They could just make the whole experience up, and they would have the same response. Strauss himself realises that "it was really shared emotions and experience that creates relationships, not seven hours of [PUA] routines followed by two hours of sex".

I learned a few rules of succeeding in The Game:
1. Don't care about women. That way, if they knock you back, it doesn't matter. They're just numbers to you, so anything hurtful they say or do is irrelevant.
2. Get used to rejection. One wannabe-PUA spent a weekend trying to chat up exactly 100 women - and "even managed to get a few phone numbers". If 3-5 women gave him their numbers, that means that 95 didn't. It takes unshakable self-esteem to be rejected 95% of the time and still push on.
3. As soon as you can, puff up your chest and crow about your successes to any other PUA who will listen.

The most disturbing part of the book - hypnosis - is mentioned, but never explored. Strauss mentions a PUA who "approached the girl...and within thirty seconds she was passed out in [his] arms". This is never mentioned again in the book, but is the most sinister aspect, crossing the line from harmless pickup routines into nonconsensual sex.

Excluding that aspect, I do feel the need to defend The Game. It's just a series of behaviours and word patters, and women don't just 'fall for it'. We can be dumb sometimes, but we're not that dumb. As the book says, women want sex just like men do, they "just don't want to be pressured, lied to, or made to feel like a slut". If a woman wants to go home with a guy, she will. If she doesn't want to, she won't. Is there really any harm in a guy trotting out some bullshit lines, just to get a girl to notice him? These men are sad, lonely, and socially inept. They need all the help they can get.

As I'm sure you can guess, in the book I discovered, word-for-word, a routine that was used on me a few months ago. I met a guy in a club, he started reciting all the lines. We talked for a while, and when he asked for my number I reminded him that I had a boyfriend - to which he said that he just wanted my number so we could continue our conversation about Wuthering Heights (you at the back, please stop laughing at my gullibility). He seemed pretty harmless - I certainly wasn't going to sleep with him, but new friends are always good - so I gave him my number. He texted a few times, then started to mention sex, at which point I told him to please go away, then deleted his number.

At the time, I figured that he hadn't got anything out of this interaction. I clearly wasn't interested in him, and we never met up again. Yet, in terms of The Game, he won. He left with a girl's number - a girl with a boyfriend, no less. He could have gone home and bragged online about the pocketful of phone numbers he got, even if they wouldn't have got him any closer to sex or a girlfriend. He could have had approval from other men, and that is the whole point of The Game.(less)

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May 26, 2007 John rated it 3 of 5 stars

For a book that targets (and caters very well to) young males, "The Game" truly belongs in the hands of a twenty-something cynic.
Parts of the story read like a self-help book, which was very funny in and of itself. But what I found to be interesting (on some level, perhaps) was that Strauss has taken his version of "rags-to-riches" and turned it into colorful, sexual, hopeful prose that reveals a protagonist traveling down a highway of mayhem to a destination of confusion. Fun. I imagine this is...more

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Jul 26, 2010 Erin Noble rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fun-nonfiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I started reading this book out of curiosity; it quickly became more. Strauss demonstrates throughout the book that he is not your average sex-obsessed PUA (pick-up artist) nor is he a sensationalist writer. He's taken a subject with a crude potential of 10 and made a meaningful piece out of it.

I'm struck by the similarities between PUAs and salesmen. I had to deal with many alpha salesman personalities in the lumber industry, so the PUA strategies were not unfamiliar: Demonstrating social valu...more I started reading this book out of curiosity; it quickly became more. Strauss demonstrates throughout the book that he is not your average sex-obsessed PUA (pick-up artist) nor is he a sensationalist writer. He's taken a subject with a crude potential of 10 and made a meaningful piece out of it.

I'm struck by the similarities between PUAs and salesmen. I had to deal with many alpha salesman personalities in the lumber industry, so the PUA strategies were not unfamiliar: Demonstrating social value, yes-ladders, creating an emotional connection... translate these respectively to having a good reference, a good sales pitch and "shooting the shit" and you have an excellent sales manual. Through his analysis of socially dominant people, Mystery understands more than just how to pickup women: he understands how to attract people.

The conclusions Strauss draws about the importance of being oneself and acting in line with your core values (through reflection on the uber-analytical PUA Tyler Derton) are on point. He even begins yearning for permanence community (an emotion my age group, the 20-somethings, can readily identify with), and founds the rather twisted Planet Hollywood as a result.

Strauss gets a lot of concepts that my "20-something" struggles with, a self-identification that contributes to my liking the book so much. But, especially towards the end of the book, Strauss mounts the saddle of a very high horse (haha this review thing is fun!). He presents himself as the anchor of Planet Community, the calm in the storm, the stereotypically steadfast protagonist wading through the world's chaos. Regardless of whether this is true, the distasteful presentation left a bitter taste in my mouth and I can't help thinking that his writer's lens is foggy from all that action he's been getting.

~EN

Further psychological analyzing:

Frogs Into Princes, Richard Bandler and John Grinder. These two guys appear in the book as mysterious gurus who see a jedi in Strauss and teach him "the force", imploring him to use it only to make women happy (great power comes with great responsibility, right??). Their method of reading body queues and hypnotism is outlined here, the original and probably still greatest work on Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP).
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Apr 05, 2009 Marrick rated it 3 of 5 stars

I learned that I am what, in pick up artist ("PUA") parlance, is called a "natural." I've never had problems meeting women. So I didn't pick this book up for its instructional content. Rather, I was intrigued into reading this book by curiosity. I wanted to see how my life experience stacked up with my preconceived notion of a true PUA. I envisioned a PUA as being a highly confident, suave, cool operator that women swoon over without being able to control themselves. I learned that my concept of...more I learned that I am what, in pick up artist ("PUA") parlance, is called a "natural." I've never had problems meeting women. So I didn't pick this book up for its instructional content. Rather, I was intrigued into reading this book by curiosity. I wanted to see how my life experience stacked up with my preconceived notion of a true PUA. I envisioned a PUA as being a highly confident, suave, cool operator that women swoon over without being able to control themselves. I learned that my concept of what the PUA is, prior to reading this book, was wrong. In fact, PUAs are very insecure, needy, but intelligent people that have figured out how to give off the illusion of being confident and interesting, to trick (or some may say "persuade") women into casual, short-term and primarily physical relationships. Yet, they long for the long-term relationships, built on emotional connections, that us "naturals" seek and often maintain, but have mistakenly chosen what they perceive to be the best path to get there- i.e., picking up many women constantly. I'll cease any further substantive review because I don't want to spoil the book for anyone interested in picking it up (pun intended).

But I will add two more comments:

First, viewed in a general sense, the concepts discussed in this book within the context of meeting and successfully "closing" women, can be applied to all other aspects of life. I plan to incorporate them into my practice and use some of them to "pick up" new clients and negotiate and close business deals. Many of the concepts in Strauss' book were restatements of concepts I found in marketing and persuasive psychology books I've read.

Second, the writing is good and it flows well despite Strauss' style of doing the little things that writing instructors and agents caution against- for instance, his frequent use of descriptors that end in "ingly," and switching tenses too often in the same chapter. Some writers can pull this off and still give you a good read. Strauss is one of those writers. It's a page turner.

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Feb 21, 2009 Davidshackelford rated it 5 of 5 stars

A fast-paced, very well-penned, fun, intriguing story of social psychology, nobodies becoming superstars, emotional self-destruction, and the birth of the seduction industry. Neil studies the art of the pickup from ground zero, starting under the wing of the famous Mystery, and then hopping from guru to guru, building a name for himself as a master of women while simultaneously reflecting on how absurd, magical, and ultimately destructive the whole thing is.

Oddly enough, this book's narrative a...more

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Nov 16, 2008 Chance rated it 1 of 5 stars

This book was fucking terrible. I'm ashamed to have read it.

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Mar 01, 2008 James rated it 4 of 5 stars

With a subtitle like “Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” I was expecting more of a how-to or an expose. Luckily I was wrong.

Strauss’ The Game is a fascinating look at an American subculture’s moment in time. It is a captivating story that rivals Hell’s Angels and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test in its engrossing tale of American hubris, endeavor, success, and failure.

The book itself is beautiful, packaged like a bible with gold embossing and a red ribbon bookmark. But it is TOO L...more With a subtitle like “Penetrating The Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” I was expecting more of a how-to or an expose. Luckily I was wrong.

Strauss’ The Game is a fascinating look at an American subculture’s moment in time. It is a captivating story that rivals Hell’s Angels and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test in its engrossing tale of American hubris, endeavor, success, and failure.

The book itself is beautiful, packaged like a bible with gold embossing and a red ribbon bookmark. But it is TOO LONG. And that might be the only thing I didn’t like about it because despite that, there is plenty to keep the reader entertained:

As Strauss refines his abilities as a PUA (Pick-up Artist (this book not for the AFoH (Acronym Faint of Heart))), he is assigned an interview with Tom Cruise (other celebrities who make appearances include Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Courtney Love). Strauss is immediately taken by Tom Cruise’s charisma and likability. Strauss notes that Cruise naturally exudes all the tactics and behaviors PUAs spend months and years trying to master in order to win women’s affection. Tom Cruise introduces Strauss to Scientology and Strauss further identifies the same tactics being used by Scientology recruiters to attract converts as the PUAs use to attract women. There are some really creepy similarities made between Pick-up Artists and Scientologists in this book. So now I don’t know if I’m more freaked out by Scientologists or Mormons.

And now that I have read The Game, once I read How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read, there won’t be a graduate student out there who can resist my advances. Yes!

But most importantly, The Game contains the BLE (Best Line Ever):

“I want a woman I can respect for her art, like a singer or a super-hot stripper.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Gents, next time you head out for the titty bar, tell your significant other that you’re going to an art museum. It is her art and she is dancing it for you.

And there was also this little nugget of wisdom from Neil Strauss that I found interesting:

“For most of their childhood, females are conditioned to act subservient to male authority figures. Once they grow up, a certain subset of them - many of whom end up in Los Angeles - move through the world psychologically stunted, constantly dumbing themselves down in the presence of the opposite sex. They believe that the techniques they used to manipulate their fathers will work just as well on the rest of the world, and often they’re right.”

Poor Britney.(less)

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Aug 17, 2007 Djm Meltzer rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is primarily about this dude Mystery, who is the host of a VH1 show The Pickup Artist, where he shows really socially inept guys how to pick up girls. This is the FUNNIEST BOOK in the history of mankind. If you are a computer geek of any kind, you will die laughing while reading this book.

Mystery is a young computer nerd living with his parents in Toronto. He spends all day online posting to message boards about how he is awesome picking up girls, but when he's not posting online, he i...more

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Apr 25, 2007 Elena rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: bizarre

A very interesting read. I couldn't believe that there are people who actually dedicate a significant portion of their lives to the art of picking up women. I have never read anything like this before.

It shows that a little self confidence and some clever (however manipulative) maneuvering can go a long way. The writer Neil Strauss and his story about how he turned from nerd to stud is interesting.

There were many parts that shocked me. Mostly the parts that involved blatant manipulation, mind ga...more

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May 30, 2007 Jafar rated it 3 of 5 stars

This was an easy and mindless train/tube read, but I had to keep the book flat on my lap to hide the title after I saw a few women rolling their eyes. Since I've moved to London I've noticed that I'm not the only one who likes to take a sneak peek at what others are reading and then give them a meaningful look.

So, here’s Neil Strauss’s story as he claims. He had written books and articles about rock stars and porn stars. He had access to a lot of backstage parties and glamorous Hollywood galas,...more This was an easy and mindless train/tube read, but I had to keep the book flat on my lap to hide the title after I saw a few women rolling their eyes. Since I've moved to London I've noticed that I'm not the only one who likes to take a sneak peek at what others are reading and then give them a meaningful look.

So, here’s Neil Strauss’s story as he claims. He had written books and articles about rock stars and porn stars. He had access to a lot of backstage parties and glamorous Hollywood galas, but he wasn’t getting any. He was just another AFC – average frustrated chump. (There are a lot of acronyms and pick-up lingo in this book. There’s a glossary for you at the end to refer to.) He signs up for various pick-up workshops and meets every PAU (pick-up artist). This not only immensely improves his situation with women, it propels him to the top of the pick-up society. You read about all these different pick-up schools, each with an egomaniac at the top, that operate like cults and compete for business and clients and demand loyalty.

The book is about the story of his involvement and then disillusionment with the pick-up community. It’s not a manual on to how to pick up women, even through there are lots of advice and sample field reports scattered throughout the book. Some of the advice is just the common sense things that you know it yourself and hear from everyone. Their more specialized techniques go something like this: In order to get women to stay with you and like you during the crucial first few minutes, approach them with a "peacocked" appearance and some eye-catching gadgets, games, and stories. Once past the initial phase, start applying an assortment of manipulative psychological mind games. They claim a lot of success with their techniques (not very credible, but easier to believe when they do their field tests on Sunset Strip). I found most of the repertoire of their opening lines and stories not just corny, but so asinine that if they work on any sizeable portion of the female population, I’ll be dipped, fried, and hot-damned (expression borrowed from David Foster Wallace). The part about the manipulative psychological mind games, however, is interesting (and useful).

Strauss is honest about the emptiness and loneliness that eventually come with this lifestyle. They're a bunch of closet nerds looking for self-validation, but they overdo it. Dehumanizing the opposite sex eventually turns into self-dehumanization. They start with the feeling that they’re the alpha males, but soon they realize that “sarging” is for losers. A real alpha male doesn’t run around after women, acting like a clown and reciting memorized routines. So they set out to do something big. They rent a mansion in Hollywood and start “Project Hollywood” to expand their business and become rich and famous. Herds of gullible students come and go. Women come and go too. Egos clash. Everything falls apart. Eventually, Strauss is broken down by a woman who beats him in his own game.

The story, even if true in its entirety, is not that entertaining. The writing is mediocre at best. Lots of dumb and irrelevant drivel about Tome Cruise and Paris Hilton and Brittney Spears and Courtney Love, just to self-aggrandize and blow this book to 500 pages.
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Sep 18, 2008 Josh rated it 4 of 5 stars

hmmm dangerous territory writing about this book. I mean basically what I learned was things I sort of knew and learned the hard way about meeting girls. There are some really funny things and some really annoying things to the pickup artist lifestyle. The long and short of it being know who you are and embrace that fully.There are tricks and gimmicks but anything worth having comes from be yourself . Definitely entertaining, but a bit overkill for me personally, would of been happy with this bo...more

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Mar 27, 2009 Polly Trout rated it 3 of 5 stars

There are some very valid reasons to skim through this controversial, pornographic, poorly written, and often obnoxious anthropological tour of the "seduction community," a network of men who use social psychology and hypnosis to pick up women. First, women should know that this exists and defend themselves accordingly -- if you don't want to wade through a whole book on the subject, here's a synopsis:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seductio...

It's fascinating and queasy at the same time.

The seco...more There are some very valid reasons to skim through this controversial, pornographic, poorly written, and often obnoxious anthropological tour of the "seduction community," a network of men who use social psychology and hypnosis to pick up women. First, women should know that this exists and defend themselves accordingly -- if you don't want to wade through a whole book on the subject, here's a synopsis:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seductio...

It's fascinating and queasy at the same time.

The second reason is that although this book got slammed by feminists, Strauss is actually a whole lot smarter and more thoughtful than he first appears on the surface. The book is a pseudo-memoir in the gonzo journalism style, mixing participant observation with tall tales about life in the meat market. Strauss is not a missionary for the movement, but instead charts his own relationship with the seduction community from skepticism to enthusiasm to ambivalence to rejection. I don't know how anyone could miss this, since the opening chapter is about a famous pickup artist's psychotic break and existential despair, and the book continuously circles around the underlying anxiety and loneliness that drives the pickup mentality. Compared to "Fear and Loathing," which does hilariously glorify drugs, sex, and mayhem, Strauss's gonzo style is more critical and distanced. Here is how he ends the book: "And though I've learned everything there is is about attraction, seduction, and courtship in the past two years, I learned nothing about maintaining a healthy relationship. Being together has required a lot more time and work than learning to pick up women ever did, but it has brought me far greater satisfaction and joy. Perhaps that's because it is not a game."

The third reason is that if you factor out all the misogyny and silliness (a tall order, I know), then there is actually a surprising amount of good advice in here -- advice I myself would give, albeit within a different philosophical and ethical framework, to any guy who was currently lonely, bored, desperate for human contact, and terrified of talking to women -- and sadly there's a whole lot of people like that in our society, people paralyzed with anxiety and anomie wasting their lives in social and emotional vacuums. Sometimes it takes some baby steps to break out of a disabling mental box, and Strauss charts how sex can sometimes function as a psychic icebreaker to get somebody who is stuck moving forward towards real life. The sex drive is powerful enough to motivate someone who has dug themselves into a deep and alienating silo to climb out of it, and that motivation, under the right circumstances, can help break them out of dysfunctional patterns that are not working. For example, my favorite part of the book comes early on: Strauss has just signed up for a "workshop" with a pickup artist, who is bringing him and some other shy and geeky guys to night clubs and teaching them how to pick up women. Another guy in the same workshop is 26 and never even kissed a girl before. He is so shy that he cannot use a urinal, because peeing in front of other guys terrifies him. A few weeks later, he excitedly shares, "I can pee beside people now! It's all about confidence. So the stuff I learned in the workshop isn't just for chicks after all...it's for pissing too!"

So to summarize the good advice that is threaded through the book: if you are miserable, try changing. Just because you've always done something a certain way doesn't mean you are eternally doomed to repeat it, people can change and grow and learn. The self is flexible. Social skills, like any skills, can be learned, studied, and honed. It's better to take a risk and throw yourself out there than to waste your life accruing bitter regrets. The only way to learn new skills is to be willing to experiment and fail and sometimes look foolish, but if you stick with it and pay attention and get good advice and mentoring, you will get better at it eventually and be glad that you had the patience and balls to move out of your crippling little box. Our society is filled with women and men who are lonely and bored and stuck and who want desperately to connect and live and have fun but don't know how to get there. The sad thing about the book is that it documents the tragic lack of vision in people who settle for the shallow, canned interactions of casual sex rather than taking a real risk with full, authentic relationships.

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Mar 01, 2009 Brian rated it 3 of 5 stars

A couple friends of mine recommended this book. It's easy reading, mind-candy really, and I finished it in a few hours. However, I don't think it had too much depth.

It's about an online forum group, about how to pickup women, that gained popularity to the point that its prominent members started offering expensive seminars and lectures. The seminars became so popular that some of them banded together to buy a house, share expenses, and operate their businesses out of it. The book tracks the hist...more

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Jan 28, 2009 Zach rated it 4 of 5 stars

Haha…so I think a lot of people have the wrong idea about this book. I was talking with a friend who was really interested in reading it when I was done, and she thought that it was a book about HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN. Which it is, but only tangentially. It's really more of a narrative about someone who joins the pick-up community, a subculture of men who swap ideas and stories about the best ways to get women into their beds. Along the way, he drops some of the things that they talk about doing,...more

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Jan 02, 2009 Albert Balbutin rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is supposed to help men who have never gained the attention of someone they liked or appreciated, realize that they can actually get the attention of anyone. After that, its up to the guy to stop using the lines, and start using words that represent them. Why use fake lines to impress a girl, when you can be yourself and meet someone who may in fact be more like you?

A man should value himself first before trying to attract women he thinks may be of value to him. Men need to realize tha...more

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May 08, 2013 Samantha rated it 4 of 5 stars

Intriguing view into a subculture of insecure men. Fascinating way of learning social dynamics, from the standpoint of the bar/club scene, especially in L.A.. Seeing the world in this lens allows the reader to realize that the game is more about power than sex. I would put this on the shelf with Influence and the Art of Seduction, albeit more vulgar and anecdotal than academic. I'd recommend this book to lovers of Tucker Max, but I think there is a self-assessment aspect to The Game that Tucker...more

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Apr 01, 2013 Camilla Slotfeldt rated it 4 of 5 stars

The book is pretty good.
I started reading it just as a way to see what it was all about, since many men seem to have read it and thought it was great since it taught you to be more confident around women, and also a few tactics about it. It also seemed to be quite mysoginist, treating women not like they are all the same - objects with rules to be handled.
The book actually surprised me. Although the methods described are pretty objectifying of women and a few tactics are quite scary, it seems t...more

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Mar 16, 2013 Claire rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Ugh. I couldn't resist reading this and it was even worse than I thought it would be. It was interesting to read about this sort of lifestyle and even more so to hear lots of apparently foolproof "tips and tricks" but I'm sure I can't be the only reader who found a lot of The Game completely unbelievable. Some of the lines and tricks just seemed ridiculous and it was almost impossible to believe that all these former average guys were suddenly bringing home supermodels on the basis of these "rul...more

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Feb 17, 2013 Gerik rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I picked up this book actually expecting not to finish it. I figured it'd just be a bunch of bigoted garbage which I would soon reject and put away, but it definitely did not turn out that way.

The book is a novel about a bunch of guys who live a life-style that most guys only ever dream about but would never lead themselves. It is about bringing to life the fantasy in most guys' heads without so much as skipping an ounce of the dark emotional chaos and turmoil this sort of life-style has upon th...more

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Feb 06, 2013 Elvira Baryakina rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: understanding-the-world, psychology

Neil Strauss is a great storyteller, and I enjoyed his book. Or rather its beginning, since I stopped reading it after a few chapters.

It was really interesting to learn what is going on in the heads of the men who consider themselves unattractive. For the first time in my life, I put myself in their shoes and realized how difficult it is for them to approach women.

Actually,I felt bad remembering how I used to treat some boys just because they didn't know what to say or didn't look that cool.

The...more

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Jan 21, 2013 Andrew Schultz rated it 2 of 5 stars

For all the dislikable characters in this book, I learned a lot from it. not enough to regard it as anything other than trash, or to feel any actual sympathy for these characters, except for the random women that got scammed or "sarged" or such.

because quite bluntly I don't think that many of the secrets described here are unique to the pickup artists, the gurus, or even seduction this sort of thing can work on other people, and it seems very damaging. The whole paint by numbers approach of loca...more For all the dislikable characters in this book, I learned a lot from it. not enough to regard it as anything other than trash, or to feel any actual sympathy for these characters, except for the random women that got scammed or "sarged" or such.

because quite bluntly I don't think that many of the secrets described here are unique to the pickup artists, the gurus, or even seduction this sort of thing can work on other people, and it seems very damaging. The whole paint by numbers approach of locating your target, giving them a backhanded compliment, and then proceeding to see if they are impressed by you -- well, it's not going to make you a better person, and It shouldn't take these characters 400 pages to realize this, when they really do nothing else.

But I suppose I've been on the other end of it, which at least help me unlock things that really confused me in high school. I wasn't a sexual target, more just someone would get suckered by people "negging" (half-compliments) were showing off otherwise, and it wasn't because I wasn't smart enough to figure it out I remember thinking, well, is there something wrong here? I couldn't put my finger on what, so I managed to get talked into being impressed, or feeling bad I should not be I imagine a lot of these women that these men in the game wound up scoring points with the similarly desktop there is something to be said for reading body language, but when it's used to pick out the weakest in a group of women, that's a bit sad.

But of course I recognized the similar tricks in how guys would bug women, and I think the confidence was more important than the tricks. I figured they must really know something I don't, if they ever had a prayer of that sort of thing working, or I sure couldn't do that. I figured they were full of nonsense after taking social psychology courses and reading books on human behavior.

Neil Strauss says that he has learned from all this experience. I would like to believe him. But it is the same way I would like to believe that some of the negging I got from my peers was well-intentioned and would be followed by actual useful suggestions to do better.

As it turns out, Strauss wrote a sequel to this schlock which seems best avoided. I somehow doubt his methods have become refined the right way, towards being more decent or human. Nonsense like negging is probably still okay, and confidence probably matters more than anything.

My favorite part of the book was when women rejected some of the pickup artist tricks the main characters had shared in various seminars which were supposed to make a lot of money, although that money mostly went to rent in perhaps one of the most horrible places to live imaginable. There were other moments of unintentional comedy. But they do not make up for just how inane some people don't realize they are when talking about hooking up at any level.(less)

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Jan 20, 2013 Anton Klink rated it 5 of 5 stars

Anyone wishing to learn a few tips about how to become smooth with the ladies - you can forget about this book as a source of any practical wisdom. In fact, any practical tips offered in this book should immediately go to your list of things of what NOT to do, since they have become so well known by now that unless you approach someone totally alone and clueless, you will surely be busted as using "that seduction stuff from that book... "the game" was it called?".

However, anyone wishing to read...more

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Jan 12, 2013 Gabee Stout rated it 5 of 5 stars

I instantly fell in love with this book. Admittedly, 450 pages seemed a bit overkill, but the overkill was all in the middle, if at all.

This is a hilarious story without forcing the punch line. The characters were so easily placed with actors that would portray the role in a movie. Never once was I lost of confused, or most importantly, bored. It took me a while to realize that the women are playing the game just as much as the men, only different roles. When you are at a club, women more likely...more

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About Neil Strauss

Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game, Rules of the Game, and Emergency. He is also the co-author of three other New York Times bestsellers: Jenna Jameson's How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe's The Dirt, and Marilyn Manson's The Long Hard Road Out of Hell—as well as Dave Navarro's Don't Try This at Home, a Los Angeles Times bestseller. His latest book, E...more

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Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life

Everyone Loves You When You're Dead: Journeys into Fame and Madness

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“In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn't fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn't because the universe is cruel. It's because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don't appreciate things that fall into our laps.” — 49 people liked it

“Without commitment, you cannot have depth in anything, whether it's a relationship, a business or a hobby.” — 30 people liked it

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