Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve
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Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve

3.42 of 5 stars 3.42  ·  rating details  ·  996 ratings  ·  73 reviews
Avoid the booty call blues and get the love -- and sex -- you deserve!

Come on. Admit it. He may not be that into you, but were you ever really that into him? He was never "the one," but you lowered your standards and dated him in the meantime. Why? For any number of reasons: you were lonely, you were horny, you thought dating him was better than being alone, all your frien...more
Hardcover
Published February 1st 2005 by William Morrow
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Julie
Any guy who writes a book titled, "She Comes First," must know what he's talking about, and that appears to be the case here. It's kind of sad to admit that a lot of what Kerner discusses in this book is spot on. We have lowered our standards. We do tend to settle for the "in the meantime," rather than be alone.

Some takeaway quotes:
- What is the point of dating someone if he doesn't make you feel great?
- What is the point of casual sex if the sex part isn't any good?
- Dating "in the meantime" is...more
Katie Mcsweeney
I bought this book because it seems like it's more in keeping with my ethos than Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. Where the other book advocated manipulation and psychological trickery as the paths to better relationships this book is all about forgetting about finding a man and filling your life with the things you love and are interested... ... and then while your busy having a crazy good time you MIGHT meet the man of your...more
Kathrynn
Enjoyed reading this book written from a man's perscpective. My favorite quote, "When it works, it's easy. He wants to see you. You want to see him. There are no doubts, excuses, maybes, or buts. You don't have to analyze the relationship. There are no games."

Chapters: You're not that into him either,
1. but you slept with him anyway
2. but you thought you could have sex like a man
3. but that didnt' stop him from having sex like a man
4. but you're dating him in the meantime
5. but there are no go...more
Marsha
All those books about searching for love, finding the right man, getting the right man, getting him to the altar, getting married by age 30, 40, 50 are shot down in flames by this no-nonsense book about the high price of settling just so you don’t die an old maid. So what’s wrong with being single? Nothing! What’s so great about the endless search for love? Nada!

Dr. Kerner feels that it’s high time women stopped looking at Cosmopolitan and started finding fulfillment in being alone. There’s not...more
Kim
The best part about this book was the last chapter where the author's wife talks about her dating history and how she ended up finding and marrying Mr. Right. I enjoyed reading her perspective a lot. It gave me hope.

This book doesn't really give concrete, actionable advice -- it mostly forces women to think about their dating patterns. This might be eye-opening stuff if you're not introspective and have never put much thought into your dating choices. However, for the women who HAVE actually tho...more
Mariana
I love this book. Kerner has a raw, honest, nonbiased, devils advocate way of looking into the world of dating for women. I started reading this book and honestly can't put it down. He really challenges you to look at things from all sides. Yes women have been sexual liberated, but what does that really mean? He makes you think for yourself, constantly asking questions and letting you figure out the answer that's right for you as a person. With that said, I think this book is not for everyone.

L...more
rebekah
I am surprised I had never heard of this little love self help gem before...But it crossed my circulation desk last week and I thought, oh this is just what I need to read! I rather like being single but sometimes...well a girl get lonely. It was a little disconcerting to see many of my behaviors written in black and white...but I enjoyed the breezy casual style and I did finish the book in a place of hope, not a place of despair. I recommend this book for all my single ladies!
Emily
Never before have I experienced reading a book that seemed to be articulating the exact thoughts in my head. Since I haven't been active on the dating scene, I always felt like my opinions and observations about romantic relationships were irrelevant since I lacked that "real world experience" in the matter. However, Ian Kerner justified all my beliefs. This is one of those books I will refer back to time and time again as I navigate the vast and treacherous waters of the big city dating world s...more
Killedbydrapery
I'm about half-way through this book and as a college student I understand a lot of the things he's talking about, but not all because--frankly--I haven't experienced them yet. Yes, I do agree that some guys will "date you in the meantime" but, of course, that's not how all guys are--or all girls for that matter.

Kerner's insight is really interesting to read because you don't see many books like this written by men. He delves into a lot of thought-provoking topics that make me stop and think ab...more
Birgit
I enjoyed this self-help book. It's a quick read and the titles are explicit enough that you can easily skip the chapters that clearly don't apply to you ("you're not that into him, but you slept with him anyway because you want to have sex like a man"--yeah, I spend my Friday nights watching Ghost Whisperer...I'm not likely to have a one night stand anytime soon.) I gave it only three stars, however, because sometimes the advice confused me. Like any romantic advice book the author gives you ex...more
Lauren Kramer
Much like "He's Just Not That Into You," this book turns the tables and shines the spotlight on the fact that we as women are very quick to "settle." Kerner states that many times, we see the problems with our mate, but choose to ignore them so that we do not have to be alone.

The behaviors and scenarios presented in this book are hilarious, as well as true. I found myself highlighting sections and writing the names of my ex-boyfriends next to them. I found it very refreshing for a male author to...more
Vivian
I have read quite a couple of self-help books dedicated to single girls who are looking for the love that they deserve, but never have I come across a book like this where I connected so much with what the author had to say.

I felt myself laughing at paragraphs in the book where the mistakes I have made with "in-the-meantime" guys was brought forward by the author in a very honest way.

I would recommend this book for any girls in their twenties or thirties who are struggling with the common perils...more
Chriss
Playing off of the popular series, "He's not that into you", this book tried to take it to the next step more from the woman going out and getting what she wants. But I didn't agree with going out and "having sex like a man" because they make it sound like casual, one night stands are okay. Maybe for some women, but not all. I personally don't think that is the answer for finding love but some of the points were well taken and the author uses his own experience meeting his wife as an example. Bu...more
Cathryn
This book seems like it was written from the viewpoint of a different generation. I am mid-twenties, but the book seems to be geared towards women in their mid-thirties. I've never had any of the relationships he talks about in this book. If a guy is not into me, or I am not into him, there just simply isn't a relationship. Where are these guys that will date you even if they're not into you? And he doesn't even discuss "meantime" relationships where you can see other people. I guess I was hopin...more
Melody
It was a quick read. good advice over all. Take home message: Know yourself, be true and honest to who you are
POSY
Awwww Awwww No MORE :D
Stacy
I can't say enough about how much I love this book. I read it after I got out of a bad relationship (one in a string of many, I am sorry to say) and it really illuminated the patterns I was falling into and why I kept making the same relationship mistakes again and again. I loved this book so much that I actually tracked down the email address of the author and thanked him for this book. I can't say enough good things about it!
Jennifer
I admit to having a streak of vicious hatred in my heart for the seeming hundreds of thousands of books dedicated to women who, sheeplike, continue to adore men who are genetically inferior to pond algae. "Women Who Love Men Who Hate Them", "He Doesn't Love Me, But I Stand By My Man", "He's Not that Into You". I am weary of self-help books to begin with, but these just make me sick.

This one amused me.
Rachel
Author wrote this book as a counter balance to He's Just Not That Into You ... some snippets...women can't actually have sex like men because a woman's brain chemistry is different (attach). men have feelings too. Respect yourself and stop lowering your standards. Overall the book was pretty empty. His and his wife's story at the end is kind of sweet, the most worthwhile thing in the book.
Sarah
Very good book on dating the right way.
Shaun
Every woman in the world needs to read this. I am not a big advocate of self-help books and have never read them before, but this one came along and sparked my interest at a time when I really needed it. I reiterate: every woman needs to read this, regardless of marital status. It may just change your life and save you from yourself (and the wrong guy for you). You're welcome.
Jaclyn
I liked this book. Kerner offers encouraging advice to those of us trying to navigate the tricky world of dating and trying to figure out who and what we want. I wish this wasn't a library book b/c I would love to have it to refer back to from time to time when I feel a little discouraged with dating and all it's complications. I may need to go buy myself a copy...
Sarah Beth
ugh oh god, i really did read this book, though by the end, i was down to about 10 words a page. i, um, do not recommend it, though it was good fodder for conversation. Also, i am currently doing 100% of the things the book told me not to. Am not raising my standards, am not reaching for the love i deserve, am mostly hoping for the best.
Amber
A breeze but insightful. A lot of the things that we all know but need to be reminded of every once in awhile about dating when you go through some of the tougher times of that dating cycle.

I may be a bit biased because I see Dr. Kerner as a correspondent for my new station, but nonetheless, I like what he has to say.
Oi Yin
Oct 27, 2007 Oi Yin rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Angry, Jilted Women
In the aftermath of the break up of a pseudo-relationship, I felt the need to read something that would put things in perspective. It was a fun read. I don't know that it did much to alleviate the mixed emotions I was dealing with but it did provide a bit of common sense and a bit of levity. Unfortunately it was lost on me.
Beth
Much better than "He's Just Not That Into You."

It actually deals with why women languish in relationships when we *know* it isn't the one...

Kinda empowering. He totally encourages women to do what they need to in the moment, while being cognizant of potential trip-ups.

Also very funny.
Shelley
Meh. I picked this book up at a friend's house, thinking it might be comical like the "He's just not that into you" counterpart. Overall it was okay, but not much more helpful than reminding people to not have one night stands, or not stick in relationships that aren't satisfying.
Amy
This book is full of drawn out generalizations and pointless exercises but enmeshed in the text are a few enlightening isights about men and women in relationships. It's a quick read so I think its worth thumbing through the boring stuff to the more insightful parts.
Hillary
I have to admit, I liked this book better than "He's Just Not That Into You". This book was more about realizing the reasons you do what you do when it comes to guys; coming to terms with why you shouldn't lower your standards; and how to deal with it all.
Tara
While I will always look to Greg Behrendt for advice about relationships first, Ian Kerner does offer some good insight into dating. The book isnt as witty or humorous as He's Just Not That Into You, but overall it was an uplifting book that made me think.
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Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books including the ever-popular She Comes First (Harper Collins). He writes a well known column for CNN and can often be seen on the TODAY Show and the Dr. Oz Show amongst others. He is regularly quoted as an expert in print and online media.

Ian is certified by the American Association of...more
More about Ian Kerner...
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents' Guide to Getting It On Again Sex Detox

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“I came to the realization that I needed to become my best self in order to attract the kind of guy I would want to marry. If I wanted someone truly fabulous, I had better become truly fabulous first.” 0 likes
“Imagine going through years of your life with the gut feeling that none of it really matters yet, that it will start at some point in the future, and that the present doesn't really count. Does this feeling seem familiar? Have you ever told yourself that everything will ultimately fall into place once you [fill in the blank]? Who wouldn't wind up numbed to real hope and possibility after exerting so much energy for stuff that really doesn't matter?” 0 likes
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