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A History of the Wife

3.76 of 5 stars 3.76 · rating details · 547 ratings · 82 reviews

A History of the Wife weaves a complex tapestry as it outlines the roles, customs, and cultural position of women in Western marriage. The work is engaging, filled with interesting anecdotes and stories, and is an incredibly lively read on a thoroughly interesting subject much in need of a closer look. In breadth, the book ranges from biblical times to the present, and in...more A History of the Wife weaves a complex tapestry as it outlines the roles, customs, and cultural position of women in Western marriage. The work is engaging, filled with interesting anecdotes and stories, and is an incredibly lively read on a thoroughly interesting subject much in need of a closer look. In breadth, the book ranges from biblical times to the present, and in sheer scale it attempts to present a unified series of
images of the Western wife over the course of some 2,000 years. In doing so, Professor Yalom has presented us an interesting grid, well conceived and wonderfully written, with which we can begin to examine this cultural phenomenon.

One of the main strengths of the work is its
method: Yalom draws heavily on diaries, newspapers, journals, and personal letters, and she interweaves these with citations from the laws, general customs of the times, religious rites, and civic procedure. By moving in a very fluid way from the abstract to the particular, what we see emerging, in each era, is a lively picture of how the general affected the individual. The book makes it real, makes us wonder, and helps to recover for us so
many of the lost voices of women over the centuries, silenced by the overshadowing "great men" approach to history. These are not so much the stories of "great women" as they are the telling of everyday life. In reading them we get a fuller sense of what the time and place may have been like for the women whose voices we are listening to. It is the dignity of these everyday voices that holds us, intrigues us, and invites us to read further. A History of the Wife links the ancient, the medieval, the Victorian, and the modern, and makes a strong historical and narrative case for its subject.

Along the way, we are treated to many interesting insights, observations, and historical facts: Nero was officially married five times -- three times to women, twice to boys; until the Middle Ages, marriages in Catholic Europe often did not involve any ceremony at all, and "church weddings" do not appear on the scene until well into the evolution of Christian Europe. The role of women changes slowly in the West, and the role of
religion, from the biblical period through early Christianity to the changes brought by the Reformation and the voyages to the New World, are mapped for us in a sweeping overview.

A particularly strong section of the book is the documentation of the last 50 years of the cultural institution of marriage, and the vast changes brought by World War II and the cultural ferment of the '60s. This is made more impressive because of the compelling histories that the work recounts for us in the 2,000 years before our own era.

An old adage maintained that "everyone needs a wife"; this lively book tells us who followed that adage, why and how they did so, and how we got to where we are now.

Elena Pinto Simon lives in New York City.

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Paperback, 464 pages

Published February 5th 2002 by Harper Perennial (first published 2001)

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May 13, 2013 Erika RS rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book describes the history of marriage as it relates to modern marriage in America. The lives of wives in the ancient world are examined by looking at wives in the Bible, Greek wives, and Roman wives. Yalom then marches on through history, examining Medieval Europe, early Protestant wives, republican wives in America and France, Victorian wives in England and the U.S. (including those on the frontier). She then gets into the more modern era and looks at the changing role of women and wives...more This book describes the history of marriage as it relates to modern marriage in America. The lives of wives in the ancient world are examined by looking at wives in the Bible, Greek wives, and Roman wives. Yalom then marches on through history, examining Medieval Europe, early Protestant wives, republican wives in America and France, Victorian wives in England and the U.S. (including those on the frontier). She then gets into the more modern era and looks at the changing role of women and wives in the late 19th century and the history of issues such as sex, contraception, and abortion in the second half of the 19th century and the first half of the 20th. Finally, she looks at wives in WWII and briefly examines how the role of the wife has changed in the last 50 years.

The common theme of this book is that what it means to be a wife is always changing with time and with culture. The so-called traditional nuclear family of a mother homemaker, a father breadwinner, and a couple of children is actually no more common than many other modes of family life. Throughout history, there have been times and places where both parents have worked, where children were sent elsewhere once they reached a certain ages, and where the household was much more diverse (extended family, servants, apprentices, etc.). Sometimes women were assumed to be more full of sexual desires than men and sometimes women were assumed to be frigid towers of purity.

Marriage can be an economic relationship, a political relationship, or a emotional relationship. These days, we think that it should be primarily an emotional relationship, but throughout much of history, that idea was ridiculous; marriage was a way to solidify political ties or increase your economic worth. Over time, love became an important factor in choosing a spouse, but it is only recently (since women started becoming more independent, in fact) that love and personality became the primary factors when choosing a spouse.

Yalom also makes the point that what seem like modern issues about sex, contraception, and abortion actually have histories going back hundreds of years (and a public history going back about 150 years). The unequal sexual freedoms accepted for men and women have been the issue of private discussion many centuries, and women have always shared the secrets of contraception and medicinally induced abortions since at least the middle ages. Ancient cultures practiced infanticide, and while it was never approved, there were times when it was certainly ignored. What changed in the last 150 years is that this discussion has become public.

In short, the role of the wife is constantly evolving (as are the closely related issues of the husband, children, and sex). Acknowledging this is important; it shows the error in thinking that marriage is now corrupted and ruined and that marriages of the past fit some idealized perfect mold. Marriage has always been changing; marriages may be less stable today, but beating ones wife and children is no longer acceptable. It is neither going downhill nor approaching some ideal; like all human institutions, it is just changing in response to the world around it and will continue to do so.(less)

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Aug 15, 2012 Klymene rated it 4 of 5 stars

Before you read this review you should know two things about me:

A) I have an aversion to Nonfiction books
B) It took me more than two months (and less than three) to finish this book.

That being said, I was determined to finish the first Nonfiction book I'd read in a year. Yup, not including my textbooks, it had been a year since I last read a nonfiction book. Honestly, I was sick of the predictable Romance books and teen fantasy novels that I was reading. Of course, the main character was the her...more

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Jul 07, 2010 Kara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: women-studies

I never felt a strong urge to explore the history of the wife because the cause was always sort of right in front of me. I’ve got my mom’s many achievements as well as her mistakes to learn from. I’ve got my aunts and my grandmothers who I remember indulged in their roles as wife, widower and mother. As well as an Aunt who choose not to be a wife because she, “didn’t want a man to own or control her.” So to me a wife (or not) is as much a part of life as sunshine. But I’ve always known the role...more

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Mar 18, 2012 Ann Stephens rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Borrowed from my local library. I almost laughed out loud at the title!

Yalom does a solid job giving readers an overview of wifehood. She focuses more heavily on Western marriage traditions, and later in the book on marriage in England and in America. This made sense to me, as American law developed from English common law, but I don't know if people searching for world-wide views of marriage would find it helpful.

One of the best chapters in the book deals with the history contraception and ab...more

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Mar 01, 2008 Shelly rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book is so interesting about the history of the wife. It starts in biblical times, goes through Roman times, to Renassaince times, clear up to modern times and shows the differences and customs and reasons for marraige.

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Jun 23, 2007 Amee rated it 4 of 5 stars

Something you would read in a women's studies class, but very readable and a page turner...makes you appreciate your husband and honor the women that broke the chains for us to make life for women easier...

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Feb 08, 2011 Kim rated it 5 of 5 stars

"But neither the imperial Romans nor hagiographic American historians bothered to ask what those 'exemplary' women of the past might have thought of their own situations. They never asked whether those women were happy. It is one thing to judge a society by its public face....or the pages of government documents, all created by men; it is quite another to look at the expressions of women's subjective experiences in their poems, letters, diaries, and memoirs, or wherever else one can find them."

L...more "But neither the imperial Romans nor hagiographic American historians bothered to ask what those 'exemplary' women of the past might have thought of their own situations. They never asked whether those women were happy. It is one thing to judge a society by its public face....or the pages of government documents, all created by men; it is quite another to look at the expressions of women's subjective experiences in their poems, letters, diaries, and memoirs, or wherever else one can find them."

Loved this book! It is a look at the role of the "wife" throughout different time periods in Western history, going back to ancient society (Greek and Roman) all the way through present day (published in 2001). This book is filled with primary sources like excerpts from letters and poems and the author pieces together a picture of what life was like for women at different times and how they felt. I think the individual feelings were across the board. Much like today some women thought marriage was great and couldn't be happier and some were miserable. Unlike today most didn't have an option to leave or to not marry.

I think the author was honest when she was speculating if there was a lack of sources for a particular time period. This book is nonfiction but it reads like a novel to me because the women she profiles are more like characters that I wanted to know more about. Again the author was honest about if a particular woman or quote was an exception to the time period or if it was the norm (ex she talks about one wife who left a marriage and got to keep the property her family owned prior to the marriage, but that was not usually the case)

One reviewer says this book combines a "scholar's rigor and a storyteller's craft" I couldn't agree more! I don't think you have to be a "feminist" to enjoy this book. Anyone interested in the evolution of marriage or wants an overview of women's history through the eyes of women who actually lived and left memoirs would enjoy it.
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Jul 14, 2009 Rebecca rated it 3 of 5 stars

Marilyn Yalom writes an interesting history for the layperson of the woman as she has most consistently figured in society - as a wife. I found it striking to see the sequence of ideas about women and male/female union as they performed a broader social function - ideas of fruitfulness, loyalty/partnership, strength, purity/filth, possession/responsibility, licentious/asexual - and how society defended its principles violently from one belief system to its opposite statement in the following era...more

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Jul 28, 2009 Asho rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-but-do-not-own

I found this book on the library shelf next to another book I was checking out and I decided to read it on a whim since I'm in a committed relationship that will (presumably) eventually be a marriage and I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into!
I found this book to be an easy read, and it was interesting to be able to read the entire progression from the ancient Greeks to the 20th century in a single book. Unfortunately, Yalom's study did not have enough depth and complexity for me and ult...more

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Dec 29, 2011 Briynne rated it 3 of 5 stars

Ever since I got married, I've found the concept of marriage very interesting and hence I read books like this. Honestly, I wanted rather more out of this book since the premise - which was admittedly, as a history of the institution that largely defined women's life experiences for a huge portion of recorded history, was impossibly huge - struck me a quite tantalizing. But, as one might expect, this fell well short of the aim stated by the title. I liked this book; it was pleasant reading, gene...more

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Aug 19, 2012 Robert rated it 4 of 5 stars

The title is quite appropriate. The book does not claim to be "The" comprehensive world history of the wife, but "A" history, so those looking for the story of the wife outside of the author's focus on "Western Civilization" will be disappointed. Nevertheless, for those willing to take the book's title at its word(s), the author has told an eminently readable history of the perceived role of a wife - her status, advantages and limitations - beginning in Ancient Greece, Rome, and the Bible and e...more

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Apr 01, 2009 Susan rated it 3 of 5 stars

The early historical coverage was very good, the twentieth century coverage brief and disappointing. I wanted to see more women's stories; I wanted reports from social experiment communities; I wanted speculation on "where do we go from here" and all of that was thin or lacking altogether. Still it was an interesting book, and very readable. The author made her own prejudice clear, which I always appreciate, and the subject matter is fascinating to me. I would recommend this book to anyone who i...more

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May 13, 2013 Eddy Allen rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: arts-and-historical

A History of the Wife weaves a complex tapestry as it outlines the roles, customs, and cultural position of women in Western marriage. The work is engaging, filled with interesting anecdotes and stories, and is an incredibly lively read on a thoroughly interesting subject much in need of a closer look. In breadth, the book ranges from biblical times to the present, and in sheer scale it attempts to present a unified series of
images of the Western wife over the course of some 2,000 years. In doin...more A History of the Wife weaves a complex tapestry as it outlines the roles, customs, and cultural position of women in Western marriage. The work is engaging, filled with interesting anecdotes and stories, and is an incredibly lively read on a thoroughly interesting subject much in need of a closer look. In breadth, the book ranges from biblical times to the present, and in sheer scale it attempts to present a unified series of
images of the Western wife over the course of some 2,000 years. In doing so, Professor Yalom has presented us an interesting grid, well conceived and wonderfully written, with which we can begin to examine this cultural phenomenon.

One of the main strengths of the work is its
method: Yalom draws heavily on diaries, newspapers, journals, and personal letters, and she interweaves these with citations from the laws, general customs of the times, religious rites, and civic procedure. By moving in a very fluid way from the abstract to the particular, what we see emerging, in each era, is a lively picture of how the general affected the individual. The book makes it real, makes us wonder, and helps to recover for us so
many of the lost voices of women over the centuries, silenced by the overshadowing "great men" approach to history. These are not so much the stories of "great women" as they are the telling of everyday life. In reading them we get a fuller sense of what the time and place may have been like for the women whose voices we are listening to. It is the dignity of these everyday voices that holds us, intrigues us, and invites us to read further. A History of the Wife links the ancient, the medieval, the Victorian, and the modern, and makes a strong historical and narrative case for its subject.

Along the way, we are treated to many interesting insights, observations, and historical facts: Nero was officially married five times -- three times to women, twice to boys; until the Middle Ages, marriages in Catholic Europe often did not involve any ceremony at all, and "church weddings" do not appear on the scene until well into the evolution of Christian Europe. The role of women changes slowly in the West, and the role of
religion, from the biblical period through early Christianity to the changes brought by the Reformation and the voyages to the New World, are mapped for us in a sweeping overview.

A particularly strong section of the book is the documentation of the last 50 years of the cultural institution of marriage, and the vast changes brought by World War II and the cultural ferment of the '60s. This is made more impressive because of the compelling histories that the work recounts for us in the 2,000 years before our own era.

An old adage maintained that "everyone needs a wife"; this lively book tells us who followed that adage, why and how they did so, and how we got to where we are now.
(less)

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Feb 18, 2013 Linnea rated it 3 of 5 stars

When I first opened A History of the Wife, I looked at the introduction titled- Is the Wife an Endangered Species? This itself held my attention. However, in the act of moving onto chapter one, it was clear that this book was a tad slow for my taste. Just as I was gradually becoming unsure that I even wanted to complete the book, I moved further through the times. I then found myself truly intrigued by the history of Protestant wives, and affected emotionally by the duties and rolls of women in...more

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Jan 23, 2012 Michelle rated it 5 of 5 stars

While this book is academic in nature, it was actually didn't read like most traditional academic books to me. It was easy to get through and I didn't feel like I had to backtrack to recall any information like I usually would with this kind of book.

The book is insightful and I think masterfully works its' way through the history of the wife from Roman and Greek times to the present. There were times that it seemd the author got on a tangent more about women's history in general than the histor...more

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Jan 15, 2009 'stina rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2009

I'm about two or three chpaters in.

A few nights ago, I finished a book called A History of the Wife, which was part historical documentation and part sociological/anthropoligical review. It was a walk through the evolution of (Western) marriage over the last 4,000 or so years, and the last hundred have been particularly revolutionary.

Frankly, fuck traditional marriage. I don't want to be in a subservient relationship with my spouse. I don't want to have financial and social decisions in my and...more I'm about two or three chpaters in.

A few nights ago, I finished a book called A History of the Wife, which was part historical documentation and part sociological/anthropoligical review. It was a walk through the evolution of (Western) marriage over the last 4,000 or so years, and the last hundred have been particularly revolutionary.

Frankly, fuck traditional marriage. I don't want to be in a subservient relationship with my spouse. I don't want to have financial and social decisions in my and my family's life made by someone else. I don't want my primary responsiblity in life to be the household. I don't want to be bought and sold by my husband and my father. I don't want the basis of my relationship with my spouse to be procreation and whatever it is that he deems proper.

What's pretty amazing about the book, though, is how strongly it demonstrates the way that marriage has changed in this last half-century or so and how much we're on uncharted territory right now. It's hard to pinpoint any particular catalyst--education, westward expansion, evolving property and political rights, evolving family law--but I'd think that women beginning to demonstrate economical independence from their spouses really got the ball rolling. Women started working for pay en masse in the 1800s, but usually they'd stop working outside the home once they got married. WWII seems to have changed that. Wives were asked to pick up their husbands jobs, and they didn't really return to the kitchen after that.

What it means to be a wife in 2009 is very, very different than what it meant in 1909. A wife is likely to be an essential part of the economic well being of the family. She can vote. She can buy and sell her own property. She can leave her spouse. She can make determinations about her marriage based on love and sex rather than stability and the likelihood that her husband will provide for her.

An interesting subplot to the book that didn't get explored as much as I would have liked (though I asssume there are other sources I could go to if I wanted) is that traditional gender roles are looser in upper classes than they are in lower classes. Upper class males (at least according to the data cited in the book) aren't hung up as much on proving their masculenity by sticking to traditional gender roles as lower class males. I wonder, though, if that's changing too. (less)

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Dec 27, 2011 Becky rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: history, women-s-studies, my-top-25

This book is so eye opening. It’s one thing to be vaguely aware that 200+ years ago thing were completely different for women, its another to travel through time with them, feel their sorrows, empathize with their fear, and realize that even our own grandmothers lived in a different world from modern marriages.

And we still have so far to go.

This book provided one of the best reading experiences of my life. It’s one of those books that changed me on a very personal level. I learned so much, an...more

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Feb 01, 2009 Meredith rated it 4 of 5 stars

I loved this book so much I immediately gave it away to someone else to read. Not only does she start at the beginning, but she weaves an interesting and well-written historical narrative. With many young (and older) people today confused as hell about what/why this whole marriage thing still exists, Yalom provides context for an institution that has varied immensely over time. I think anyone interested in society and relationships might find this one appealing.

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Nov 03, 2012 Chris Selin rated it 4 of 5 stars

Much more interesting than I initially thought it would be. The author does jump around a bit too much with chronology and also keeps the majority of the book focused on western wives, but it still is a very interesting look at where we've been, where we are and leaves you to ponder where we are headed. The role of husband and wife will forever be evolving. I'll stick with my philosophy of staying true to yourself and the correct path will open up for you.

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Nov 15, 2009 Magdalena rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Clara Barata

Recommended to Magdalena by: Emma Infante

Shelves: lecturas-de-verano

Voy en la Reforma, pero la Historia de las esposas desde Adán y Eva hasta el siglo XV ha estado nutritiva.
El capítulo sobre el antiguo testamento va siendo de los mejores, muy humano y lleno de contradicciones, con mujeres fuertes, maridos enamorados, amantes, parejas que sobreviven a las guerras, al desierto, bello.

De las griegas, pobre de ellas -todo mal con un marido gay-, pobres romanas -sus maridos podían divorciarlas, pero ellas no al revés y las cambiaban cada 2 por 3 por alianzas polít...more

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Oct 26, 2012 Joan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: history

Yalom surveys the institution of marriage and the role of the wife throughout western history, showing how radically our ideas have changed over the past two millenia. Yalom covers the classical, medieval, and Renaissance periods, but the book is necessarily weighted to the last three centuries, when women themselves began recording their own attitudes toward their roles as wives and their expectations of marriage and their husbands. It's a vigorous, well-crafted work, and a fascinating read.

I h...more

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Jul 27, 2011 Raelene rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: feminism, history

Ah! I loved this book. Pretty basic information about the history of women, but it does a great job of class analysis. It is very focused on the western world, so keep that in mind. Obviously it would be a ridiculously huge undertaking to include the entire world, so that does not do a disservice to the book. Also, my history professor was cited in the book, so shout out to Professor Carlson!!

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Feb 20, 2013 Bea rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Overall I liked this book. It was easy to read, yet had a lot of facts. I liked the numerous personal accounts found throughout history.

My criticisms are more about the overall scope of the book. It's a history of the wife in Europe and America. Other countries are not included. And in Europe the countries include England, France, Germany and wee bits from other countries.

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Sep 20, 2012 Shannon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: history, nonfiction

This is a very solid book. Well researched and interesting. It can be dry at times and I'm not sure it told me anything I didn't already know. Overall it was a good read even though I definitely skipped ahead and skipped around. I know what any "true" feminist would say about it though: no history of eastern or middle eastern women is given. It's all western women.

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Nov 12, 2008 Namrirru rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: history, womens

Great! Fantastic! Wonderful history. Albeit an exclusively western history. Greece - Rome - Western Europe - Americas - Native Americans - Rich, poor, north, south, frontier, African American, mormon, quite in depth. Multi-faced approach from literature, laws and government, economics, everyday life to specific biographies, letters, and diaries. It's so interesting.

There is one small problem. She takes a very soft approach to some difficult issues. Though it seems as though she is being ironic....more

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Feb 07, 2013 Josiah rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: history-ad-18th-century, history-ad-17th-century, history-ad-15th-century, history-ad-12th-century, history-ad-11th-century, history-ad-19th-century, history-ad-20th-century, history-bc, nonfiction-american, nonfiction-british, nonfiction-eurpoean, nonfiction-mideastern, philosophy-ethics, romance

Plot: C
Writing: B
Vocabulary: B
Level: Moderate
Worldview: Descriptive
Rating: PG13 (adult topics such as sexual activity, contraception, abortion, indentured servitude, lack of suffrage, single parenthood, polygamy, bigamy discussed in general/vague terms)

This book provides a good, overarching picture of marriage from the woman's perspective in Western civilization throughout history, concluding with a look at American women in the 1990's. Yalom uncovers the roots of modern marriage trends such as...more

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Mar 25, 2013 tuttle88 rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: ebook, non-fiction

Started out great but once she hit the 1920s the book pretty much became A History of the American Wife. And mainly white, middle class wives at that. There were pretty good mentions of Indian wives in the colonial era but they weren't mentioned in the modern context at all, ditto Hispanics. The sections on immigrant & African American wives were sort of continued until the 50s but then they vanished.
No mention of the history of wives from anywhere other than England, the USA and a couple e...more

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Aug 15, 2012 Wendy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

A lot of wedding/engagement/marriage traditions that get taken for granted are explained. For instance, the custom of having witnesses at the wedding. Some of it is sad, but it is also human history. If you are a 'why?' person, I think you would like this book.

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Jul 25, 2011 Tori added it · review of another edition

2005- Starting off with Biblical wives and ending in the modern-day, this book explores how wifehood has changed over the centuries. The author tries to keep a balance by mixing up straight research with personal accounts and it makes for a mostly good combination. However, sometimes it seemed like some chapters were a little light on history and heavy (repetitive in some cases) on individual accounts. In my opinion the first half of the book was more interesting than the second half.

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Jul 29, 2011 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: unfinished

I left off about halfway through when school started, but this was a surprisingly readable and fairly interesting look at the development of the role of women in marriage and the home. As soon as I find my copy, I'll start reading it again.

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About Marilyn Yalom

Marilyn Yalom grew up in Washington D.C. and was educated at Wellesley College, the Sorbonne, Harvard and Johns Hopkins. She has been a professor of French and comparative literature, director of an institute for research on women, a popular speaker on the lecture circuit, and the author of numerous books and articles on literature and women's history.

More about Marilyn Yalom...

Books by Marilyn Yalom

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