You Just Don't Understand
Women and men live in different worlds...made of different words.
Spending nearly four years on the New York Times bestseller list, including eight months at number one, You Just Don't Understand is a true cultural and intellectual phenomenon. This is the book that brought gender differences in ways of speaking to the forefront of public awareness. With a rare combination...more
As a critic, I do find it a little simplistic. The main thesis is that women value community, empathy and friendship within a group while men are always struggling to find their place in a hierarchy and if possible raise it. According to Tanne ...more
This is marketed as a self-help book, and the writing itself is quite pleasant and accessible, but it makes a lot of sweeping statements about language and gender relations without backing them up with research. This is understandable -- who wants to dig through a bunch of numbers in a self-help book? -- but as far as I'm aware the research to back up her claims just doesn't exist. It's a lot like Men are From Mars, Women are ...more
I liked this book a lot; it made sense. I like things that make sense. Deborah Tannen is a sociolinguist and in this book, she studies the conversational styles between men and women. She explains that communication between ...more
P.S. Do not bother with the abridged audio version. The presentation does not need to be abridged and the abridgment undercuts the impact of the material.
--"Much--even most--me ...more
There may be no cure but understanding. Tannen's thesis is that men's minds operate in a hierarchical world of status, where independence and pro ...more
being an awesome communicator and a step ahead of everyone else, this book is kind of boring. however, when i read it and talk honestly with my close friends about it, we share with each other and feel connected.
the above is how the two main styles of communication (men's being about status, women's being about connnection) could be summarized.
maybe it's wishful thinking, and i feel like this book w ...more
On the other hand, that made it a bit dry for my taste. It was somewhat textbook-y. There were a lot of transcripts of conversations presented to illustrate various points, which I appreciated (it's good to have evidence of ...more
It was still worth reading.
It was slightly more "technical" than some of the more popular nonfiction of this type, which I enjoyed. I do not like watered-down nonfiction that's written for the "lowest common denominator". This book was first published in 1990, so that might be a partial explanation.
Anyway, I learned a lot about women and men in conversation. Most importantly, I learned that women and men often have completely separate style of commu ...more
Tannen makes every effort to root her findings in everyday examples rather than dry study results, so as to make them more readabl ...more
Thoughts: This book is very clearly written and pretty interesting. Tannen's two big points are (1) even if boys and girls are raised within the same society, their gender-segregation during childhood produces men and women that are practicing a form of cross-cultural communication; and (2) women and men typically use different habits of communicating, neither of which is the "right" way nor th ...more
Of course this is a generalization that is not going to provide a satisfying explanation for all member ...more