Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian with Practical Advice for Aspergians, Misfits, Families & Teachers

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Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian with Practical Advice for Aspergians, Misfits, Families & Teachers

by John Elder Robison (Goodreads Author)

3.93 of 5 stars 3.93 · rating details · 945 ratings · 160 reviews

“I believe those of us with Asperger’s are here for a reason, and we have much to offer. This book will help you bring out those gifts.”

In his bestselling memoir,Look Me in the Eye, John Elder Robison described growing up with Asperger’s syndrome at a time when the diagnosis didn’t exist. He was intelligent but socially isolated; his talents won him jobs with toy makers an...more

Hardcover, 286 pages

Published March 22nd 2011 by Crown (first published January 1st 2011)

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Jun 26, 2011 Amanda rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: aspergers-books, non-fiction, unschooling-homeschooling

I finished Be Different almost a month ago, but I’ve been thinking about it all this time, trying to decide what to write. Robison’s latest book is as well-written and entertaining as his first book, Look Me In the Eye. I think I’ve hesitated to write about Be Different because I see so much of myself in the anecdotes. I see more of my son, which makes sense, as he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s, but there’s a lot of me in there, too. Even having acknowledged several months ago that I have som...more I finished Be Different almost a month ago, but I’ve been thinking about it all this time, trying to decide what to write. Robison’s latest book is as well-written and entertaining as his first book, Look Me In the Eye. I think I’ve hesitated to write about Be Different because I see so much of myself in the anecdotes. I see more of my son, which makes sense, as he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s, but there’s a lot of me in there, too. Even having acknowledged several months ago that I have some Aspie tendencies, it’s still a little weird to see that many similarities. I’m what Robison calls a “Proto-Aspergian”, someone with a few Aspie traits, but isn’t completely Aspergian (Robison’s name for Aspies). Neurotypicals are “Nypicals”.

I don’t usually read other reviews before I write a review (and this isn’t really a review), but as I said before, I was at a loss for what to say. Until I saw a reviewer who had written that he didn’t finish the book because it was written just for Aspergians and their families, and that the advice seemed simplistic.

Honestly, I think everyone should read this book. I guess it’s pretty, well, simplistic, but I think if people would take the time to understand a little about others who aren’t like them, differences wouldn’t seem so scary or bad. If you’re a teacher or in any kind of profession where you’re around a lot of kids, reading this book will help you understand that not all those “bad” kids are bad. (Kids rarely are, but that’s for another post.) For those with friends or family members with Asperger’s, it really does help to read things written by an Aspergian. For Aspie kids, while they may realize that there is something different about them, they don’t really understand all the ways in which they think differently than Nypicals. How can they? It’s all they’ve ever known. That’s just the way things are for them. So hearing it from someone who is able to articulate it is helpful.

On a side note, Robison writes a lot about music, and I’m not a musician, but I think both his books would be enjoyed by musicians. (He used to design exploding guitars for KISS, in case you didn’t know.)

As for the reviewer’s claim that the book’s advice is simplistic, all I can say is that he obviously isn’t close to anyone with Asperger’s. If he were, he would know that, in some situations, Aspies really do need basic advice that sounds intuitive to Nypicals. The example the review gives is, “Manners are important even if they don't make sense. Read Emily Post.” That may sound ridiculous to many, but it makes perfect sense to me in relation to myself and my son. I think if you’re a Nypical reading the book, you can learn something if you keep in mind that the book was written mainly for other Aspergians.

You don’t have to read Look Me In the Eye first to understand Be Different, but I think it adds a perspective to the book that you wouldn’t have otherwise had. And reading in Be Different about John Elder teasing his younger brother wouldn’t be quite as funny without knowing all the tricks John Elder played on him when they were young… and knowing that even after all this time, he’s still falling for it.
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Jun 30, 2011 Erin Duffy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

To be fair, I read this right after "Look Me in the Eyes" which is one of the best biographies I have ever read. It was so charming and fresh. So when I read this book, which is very good, but more straightforward and less entertaining, I rated it lower than it probably deserves. I liked the advice at the end of the book the most. I am changing my stars to 4.

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Sep 20, 2012 Abbe added it

Shelves: in-library

Review

“For anyone who has difficulty fitting in, this book is fantastic.”
—Temple Grandin, author of Thinking in Pictures

“In a love poem to his wife, Pedro Salinas, the Spanish poet, wrote, ‘Glory to the differences / between you and me.’ John Robison teaches us to celebrate differences
like Salinas did, but also offers clear insight and valuable advice on how to cope with the challenges that being different can create. This book transcends the specific case of Asperger’s syndrome and is a less

...more Review

“For anyone who has difficulty fitting in, this book is fantastic.”
—Temple Grandin, author of Thinking in Pictures

“Anyone with Asperger’s, if not everyone else, will derive knowledge and pleasure from the wonderful stories told in John Elder Robison’s newest book, Be Different. Clearly, John is one of our community’s leading voices.”
—Michael John Carley, author of Asperger’s from the Inside Out and executive director of GRASP and ASTEP

“Be Different is a fascinating and unique guide for young people who may be struggling with autism and feel ‘out of sync’ with the world around them. John shares personal insights about growing up, feeling apart from his peers, and learning to modify his socializing skills and harness his gifts to discover his path to a successful life.”
—Mark Roithmayr, president of Autism Speaks

“Robison offers down-to-earth life advice for his “Aspie” peers and their friends, families, and teachers...recommended reading for anyone seeking to understand Aspergian children and adults” —_Kirkus_

" ...provides incredibly helpful advice to families learning to live with these challenges. Robison’s clear writing provides substantial insight into the mind of someone whose disorder makes clarity very, very difficult...a valuable read."_‬--Booklist
_

Product Description

“I believe those of us with Asperger’s are here for a reason, and we have much to offer. This book will help you bring out those gifts.”

In his bestselling memoir, _Look Me in the Eye_, John Elder Robison described growing up with Asperger’s syndrome at a time when the diagnosis didn’t exist. He was intelligent but socially isolated; his talents won him jobs with toy makers and rock bands but did little to endear him to authority figures and classmates, who were put off by his inclination to blurt out non sequiturs and avoid eye contact.

By the time he was diagnosed at age forty, John had already developed a myriad of coping strategies that helped him achieve a seemingly normal, even highly successful, life. In _Be Different_, Robison shares a new batch of endearing stories
about his childhood, adolescence, and young adult years, giving the reader a rare window into the Aspergian mind.

In each story, he offers practical advice—for Aspergians and indeed for anyone who feels “different”—on how to improve the weak communication and social skills that keep so many people from taking full advantage of their often remarkable gifts. With his trademark honesty and unapologetic eccentricity, Robison addresses questions like:

• How to read others and follow their behaviors when in uncertain social situations
• Why manners matter
• How to harness your powers of concentration to master difficult skills
• How to deal with bullies
• When to make an effort to fit in, and when to embrace eccentricity
• How to identify special gifts and use them to your advantage

Every person, Aspergian or not, has something unique to offer the world, and every person has the capacity to create strong, loving bonds with their friends and family. _Be Different_ will help readers and those they love find their path to success.

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Jun 12, 2012 Cheryl rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm an Aspie-loving Momma who feels this book must be read by anyone who is personally impacted by Asperger's Syndrome - as the Aspie, as a teacher, or as a family member. It was tremendously insightful to peek into the reasoning of an Aspergian as a tool toward understanding. I have begged my daughter to read it due to the continuing thread throughout the book that an Aspie is truly capable of more than the average individual if depression or discouragement is overcome. Through relating and ack...more

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Feb 04, 2012 Victoria rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A fascinating story with practical advice for people on the autism spectrum - Aspergers, specifically, but for anyone who has always felt "different." John Robinson shares stories and insights from his growing up years, showing us what it's like to grow up a bit quirky, eccentric, socially-challenged, yet absolutely brilliant. I empathized with his relational struggles, sensory overload, and inability to "read" faces but it amazes me that he wasn't diagnosed until age forty. He taught me that ev...more

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Dec 03, 2011 Nicky rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: differences

A book written directly for people with Aspergers and their parents and teachers, to explain how neurotypical people use social skills that can be learned to have satisfying productive lives. The author shares many of his life stories with his thoughts and reactions and how others perceived them. Then he describes when he decided to work on each of his skills and how he went about it.
Short chapters move the book along quickly. The stories generally show that the repeated efforts of others faile...more

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Aug 17, 2011 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: how-to, non-fiction

Robison's memoir, Look Me in the Eye, shared the ups and downs of his unusual life. Be Different is more of a guidebook: this is how I, an Asperigian, learned to navigate and succeed in the world, and you can, too. It contains practical advice along with stories of how he learned it.

He begins by dividing people into three groups: Aspergians, Proto-Aspergians (those with "plenty of aspie quirks but not too many disabilities"), and everyone else, the neurotypical, whom he dubs nypical. Be Differen...more

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Aug 07, 2011 Lumpenprole rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, biography, psychology, self-help, autism-spectrum

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Nearly spit tea out my nose when I saw that one of his ex-wives is actually a distant relation of mine. I think I've met her a grand total of three times, and him never, but it is still weird to see the name of someone you've met in print. At least for me. Not sure that bit of disclosure is truly necessary, but, well there it is. And that's all I have to say about that.

As to the book itself, Robison seemed completely unaware that the "bootstrapping" he did for himself, admirable as it was and is...more Nearly spit tea out my nose when I saw that one of his ex-wives is actually a distant relation of mine. I think I've met her a grand total of three times, and him never, but it is still weird to see the name of someone you've met in print. At least for me. Not sure that bit of disclosure is truly necessary, but, well there it is. And that's all I have to say about that.

As to the book itself, Robison seemed completely unaware that the "bootstrapping" he did for himself, admirable as it was and is, is -- I would submit -- simply impossible these days. Certainly via the route he took. A high school drop-out with no training is not going to walk into a car repair shop (especially at a dealer) and be hired to do anything other than sweep floors and clean toilets. And they're certainly not going to be hired as an electrical engineer by any corporation, however many textbooks they've read or however well they can complete an application.

I admit I move onto shakier ground making a similar claim re: customizing musical instruments, but my sense is that they're far less accessible to the garage tinkerer these days than they were when he made a living doing it. Besides, Robison himself seemed to give conflicting signals as to what sort of "living" he made doing this. The KISS anecdote was nifty, and clearly showed that he had clawed his way up to the top of a certain pyramid...yet it also seemed he spent most of his time living very much hand to mouth while involved in this field.

I was also irritated that all of a sudden, hey, presto, he's opened an auto repair business. Okay. How? As in, how did he afford stuff like heavy-duty car-lifters? How did he handle the initial leasing of space? Did he buy out an existing owner of a repair shop, privately financing a note? Or did he convince a bank to lend him the funds? Or did he have enough cash on hand, somehow, to simply write a check? I wouldn't expect his personal finances listed in detail, but as far as the text goes for all we know it was a sprinkling of pixie dust that got him where it got him.

Moreover, we never hear how he handles being not only an owner, but a boss as well. How does he figure out who to hire? How does he handle letting people go? Is all of the above delegated to someone neurotypical, or does he really, truly force himself to look someone in the eye and say "You're fired?" (Just the thought of this -- even in the hypothetical -- makes my stomach churn, personally. But that's a "luxury" I can afford, while Robison cannot.) And you can't forget the mountain of paperwork crammed down the throat of every small business owner, from government agencies, insurance companies, creditors and so on. It obviously all gets done, but how and by whom?

Perhaps I am reading too much into the specifics, and not drawing the proper general lessons from his life? Being on the Autistic Spectrum myself, I've certainly spent enough time seeing trees when I was supposed to be seeing a forest. And if he were coming through the public schools of today, chances are he would not, in fact, have dropped out. He would have received help, enough so that he very well may have had a college degree or vocational training of a sort that would render him far more employable.

But, in my defense, the only explicitly "forest" chapter in the book is also clearly the weakest. It is a mush of cliches and happy talk that starts nowhere and ends proving nothing. It also does nothing to dispel a sense that the path(s) he took are now gone. Or if "gone" seems too harsh, then substitute "far more difficult in 2011 than they were in the early '70s." Whichever way floats yer boat.

Robison is a surpisingly good writer, and none of the above criticism came to me while reading the book. Stylistically, he hits a home run. You wanna/gotta know what's coming next. But after the fact, the primitive empiricist in me came out to play. Details I'd not noticed while reading the work became manifest, or rather noticed but failed to grasp what sprang from them. And this perhaps overly-harsh review is the result.

And one other thing: Somewhere in the back of my mind I've got this image of a 14 year old boy on the Spectrum reading this book, and drawing conclusions wildly, horribly, perhaps tragically wrong. Hopefully said image is the product of a fevered and overwrought imagination; at times either one or both verbs can accurately describe me. I hope with all my heart that's the case here. But it is also not an image I'm shaking off, either.

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Jun 10, 2011 Laurie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Robison has written a manual that should help anyone with Asperger’s navigate the world of neurotypicals- those who aren’t on the autism spectrum. Written as a loose autobiography, he uses his own life to illustrate the problems that those with Asperger’s can have, and tells us how he worked around those problems. His inability to read body language or read emotion on faces, his lack of understanding of social expectations, and his over sensitivity to some stimuli are all things he’s educated hi...more

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Apr 22, 2011 Cheryl rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I felt affirmed by this book, and the highlights I made in the Kindle version are going to be handy bookmarks to remind myself of the author's advice about improving my social awareness. All of us in my family are "Aspergians" to different extents, and the more I read makes me realize that my mother also is on the spectrum, which made it difficult for me to get n-typical feedback about how to get by when I was growing up. Books like these from the "autism speaks" community (including Temple Gran...more

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Jan 24, 2013 Ayu rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Good overall content, but author fails to acknowledge female readers. I didn't expect him to offer dating advice for girls the way he does for boys because he, after all, had never been a girl. It would be nice, however, if he didn't alienate female readers entirely in those moments he talked about "girls"--and there were a lot of them--especially since this book was purported to function as a "guide" for all Aspergians and misfits, which I presumed to include females as well as males. His son's...more

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Oct 15, 2012 Holly Arrow rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A wonderful memoir and guidebook to living as an Aspergian. Laugh-out-loud funny stories that are also poignant and moving. Equally valuable for those who have always known they were "different" but not sure why and for those who have an Aspergian in their life and have sometimes been completely bewildered by interactions with same. This will give you insight where the normal strategy for empathy (imagine yourself in that position, think of how others you know have behaved in that position) fail...more

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Jun 02, 2011 Amy (SpedBug) rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Although I enjoyed Robison's first autobiographial book, Look Me in the Eye, more than this offering, I found Be Different educational and entertaining. In this book, Robison outlines ways Aspergians - and even those not struggling with Autism spectrum disorders - can cope in a world where they are the minority.

Dealing with 'nypicals' or 'neurological typicals' can be difficult for those who struggle in social situations. Aspergians have difficulty reading social cues, facial expressions, and t...more

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Jan 05, 2013 Sydney rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: psychology, library-book, 50-books-for-2013

I really enjoyed this book. There were laugh-out-loud funny moments for me (see the chapter on "Lobster Claws"). There were also a lot of "ah HA" moments; I recognized certain aspects of my own so-called "different" mannerisms.

I don't know if I have Asperger's, but it's something I've considered. Some of my mannerisms are nowhere near as extreme as the ones he described. The parts about extreme focus on narrow topics and straightforward, innocent self-absorption rang a bell with me. He's been ac...more

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Feb 21, 2012 C.M. rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: autism, parenting-books

I read this book so that I would perhaps gain a better understanding of my very young son who was diagnosed with ASD. It's really quite interesting to get a peek into how thoughts occurred in his mind. While I was able to take away some of that as helpful in understanding my own child, some of it wasn't relative to him because each person on the spectrum is completely different, really.

The resources at the end were very well thought out and researched. I appreciate that and honestly didn't real...more

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Jun 27, 2011 Bea rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 100-book-in-a-year-reading-challeng, 2011-support-your-local-library-rea, auto-biography, education, non-fiction, philosophy, psychology, professional-books, read-in-2011, reviews

Robison is a very good writer. He writes clearly and honestly about his struggles with being different, having Aspergers, not being diagnosed until he was an adult and what that meant to him, and the coping techniques that he's used over the years. He has developed a pretty clear understanding of what he can and can not do and freely admits when he doesn't know for sure when a quirk or difficulty si due to his autism and when it's just "normal". He also speculates on what is normal and why is it...more

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Apr 22, 2012 Kaje rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Having an aspergers son, I found it very helpful in pointing out lots of things too small and detaled to go into here, but it gave me a further insight into how aspie kids view the world and its social rules. The author, Being an undiagnosed aspie until he grew up, realised he was different and learned to copy and follow and cope. More than that he listened to the things that attracted him and made a career for himself. Descriptive, and matter of fact, it's well written and takes you inside the...more

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Dec 19, 2011 Holly rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: parenting

Our family has struggled with more problems getting help for my son than will fit in this box. Finally, after he had serious enough issues, he was hospitalized this Spring. There, we received a very helpful diagnosis: Asperger's Syndrome. It made so much sense. At 12 years old, even he, felt a sense of relief. This book adds something else to that relief: hope and inspiration. This is a must read for parents of children on the Spectrum. Robison asserts that life gets easier for Aspergians as the...more

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Apr 25, 2011 Huda Felimban rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011-readings, english-books, spec-ed

Why do we read biographies? Are all details mentioned “real”?
And what my Russian friend always asks “fabulous Huda, then what?”

Those questions usually pop up whenever I read a biography, but not this one.
In this book, John E. Robinson tells some selected stories from both his childhood and adulthood trying to help us form a better understanding of aspergians’ behavior. Things like : How he managed to control and change some of his attitudes & How he deals with bad news, crisis and friends.
H...more

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Mar 30, 2011 Ann LaBar rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a very readable. The personal stories are at times very funny which makes what could be an uncomfortable subject to some approachable. The advice and insights into Aspberger Syndrome are extremely helpful. I have given a copy to my Aspberger daughter and very likely Aspberger husband to read. I think this book arrived at the right time for my teenaged daughter who is having a horrific time making friends. The message that life for someone with Aspbergers only gets better and better with...more

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Oct 16, 2011 Liz rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

So, this was by an aspergian. Let me tell you, reading through it, half the stuff, like how to deal with other people, he could have learned from reading Dale Carnegie. I'm glad to hear that having a diagnosis for his behavioral differences made him feel better about himself, but it seems that he lived his life to the fullest without the diagnosis, and having found out earlier might have changed the way he lived his life, hence he would not have made the strides that he did. I also felt that he...more

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May 29, 2011 Dana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: entertaining-nonfiction

Robison's book is a look at Aspergers from the inside, with the aim of helping out others who share his diagnosis. He frequently reminds his audience that, while things may be tough as a kid or teen, it gets better as an adult. He focuses on how to turn Aspie traits into success ("Kids make fun of your special interests in elementary school, but people will see you as an expert in your field when you're an adult"), as well as how to mitigate some of the condition's weaknesses. I particularly lov...more

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Jan 17, 2012 Jonathan Karmel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I liked Look Me in the Eye better, but I enjoyed reading this too. I agree with the central premise of the book. Understand yourself, understand how your behavior affects others and apply the generally accepted rules of moral, ethical and polite behavior. But then go ahead and be different. Celebrate eccentricity; don't appologize for it. I like and agree with the concept of the "proto-aspergian" - a person with Asperger's traits who nevertheless would probably not be diagnosed with Asperger's....more

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Jun 08, 2011 Joanne rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, didn-t-finish

I read about half of this book before giving up, since it's sort of a how-to guide for people with Aspergers or their family and friends. It's written at about an eighth grade level with big margins, and I have to wonder if, after the success of his last book (Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's), Robison's publisher was rushing to get something out the door as a follow-up. The lessons are somewhat fleshed out by anecdotes, but it's still very simplistic (e.g., Manners are important even...more

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Jun 20, 2011 Anna rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: audio

John Elder Robison didn’t learn why he was different until he was 40 years old when he was diagnosed with Asperger’s. By then, he was already a successful businessman with a family and a history of mechanical wizardry including designing exploding guitars for the band, KISS. I really enjoyed Look Me In The Eye - his memoir about growing up with Asperger's but not knowing that he had it. Be Different is a bit more practical. Robison gives advice for anyone who is different, e.g. dealing with bull...more

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Jan 21, 2012 Sue rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

John Elder Robison writes about his experience of living as an Aspergian, filled with anecdotes and stories from his childhood, adolescence and adult life, as well as hard won advice on how to survive and even thrive in a world that finds it hard to understand and accept difference. He comes from a fascinating family. His brother is Augusten Burroughs, who wrote "Running with Scissors" about their unconventional (mad, really) childhood. This was later made into a film. "Be Different" is funny an...more

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Aug 22, 2012 Erika rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Reading books by Aspergians is so enlightening, because you get into their brains and can appreciate the differences the author discusses. Reading about how brains are different doesn't give you a feeling for how different they are, but reading the thought processes of an Aspergian does. This book is different than others I've read like it because of the use of humor. The author does have a sense of humor and there were time I laughed out loud. He also makes some points that I had not read about...more

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Aug 09, 2011 Alison rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: learning-and-teaching

This book is fantastic! Its readable, practical and entertaining. Anyone who has any interaction with Aspergers should read this book - whether they have it, have family members who have it, teach people with it or are just plain curious about how an Aspergian (as the author calls himself) thinks. Written by an Aspergian for Aspergians, the book gives a personal narrative of how different aspects of Aspergers were a difficulty and how he dealt with them - and other aspects were actually benefits...more

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Jul 08, 2011 Meredith rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I picked up this book on the suggestion of my son's classmate's mother. Part memoir, part self-help book for those on the autism spectrum and the people in their lives, Be different : adventures of a free-range Aspergian with practical advice for Aspergians, misfits, families & teachers by John Elder Robison offers a peek into how an Aspergian mind works, as well as some advice on how to function in a society largely made up of "nypicals" (Robison's word for neurotypicals).

To those on the sp...more

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Nov 18, 2011 Terry rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: brain-mental-neuro

This book is much more:
1. interesting
2. specific
3. useful

and is better written than Robison's previous book about living as an Aspie "Look Me in the Eye." "Be Different" gets down and dirty with the real challenges and rewards of being with or supporting an Aspie. The book not only tells the stories of growing up as an Aspie (at a time when no one really knew was Asperger's was), but also connects those stories of his childhood to learning how to navigate in the nypical* world.

*"nypical" = neur...more

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About John Elder Robison

I was born in rural Georgia, where my dad worked as a country preacher. I was kind of a misfit growing up. In fact, the bigger I got, the more misfit I became. At age 8, I got a little brother, and he was a misfit too. I dropped out of school in 10th grade, and never looked back. My brother dropped out a few years later, following in my footsteps.

I've had a number of careers . . . I designed sound...more

More about John Elder Robison...

Books by John Elder Robison

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's

Raising Cubby: A Father and Son's Adventures with Asperger's, Trains, Tractors, and High Explosives

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“It does not matter what sixty-six percent of people do in any particular situation. All that matters is what you do.” — 8 people liked it

“Simply making myself aware of others has remarkably improved my social life. People accept me much faster now that I ignore them less.” — 5 people liked it

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