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Baby Love

by Rebecca Walker (Goodreads Author)

3.25 of 5 stars 3.25 · rating details · 564 ratings · 138 reviews

From the bestselling author whom Time magazine hails as one of the leaders of her generation, an insightful, moving, and entertaining memoir of pregnancy and the decision to conceive a child after years of uncertainty.

Like many women her age, Rebecca Walker was brought up to be skeptical of motherhood. A young woman's future was limitless, their mothers' generation told...more

Hardcover, 224 pages

Published March 22nd 2007 by Riverhead Hardcover (first published 2007)

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Nov 12, 2007 Lauren rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: mothers-to-be

So I have to say upfront that I was disappointed with Baby Love. The subtitle ("choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence") is a little misleading, for starters, since Walker says on page 1 that, "For the last fifteen years I have told everyone...that I wanted a baby." That, to me, does not spell ambivalence. It becomes clear as the book goes along that Walker has in fact known and tried several times in the past few years to get pregnant, so while I was initially very interested in th...more

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Jul 27, 2007 sarah rated it 2 of 5 stars

To be totally honest I came to this book with some preconceived notions after reading several reviews of it. Overall I found it to be a little whiny and very self-absorbed. I was kind of fascinated to see her react to different peoples' take on things and opinions, about her life, about parenthood in general, etc. in a very knee-jerk way - a difference of opinion almost always seems to be taken as a challenge. She'll speak of the truth of others but utterly fail to recognize any kind of relativi...more To be totally honest I came to this book with some preconceived notions after reading several reviews of it. Overall I found it to be a little whiny and very self-absorbed. I was kind of fascinated to see her react to different peoples' take on things and opinions, about her life, about parenthood in general, etc. in a very knee-jerk way - a difference of opinion almost always seems to be taken as a challenge. She'll speak of the truth of others but utterly fail to recognize any kind of relativism in virtually any situation or statement.

There were specific moments in the book where I was taken aback at moments which were mentioned but washed over. Once she's talking to a friend who decided not to have children. Walker quickly glosses over the fact that she's had several major illnesses and goes on to talk about how she wishes she could tell her friend that she is wrong. For Walker, there is no room apparently for physical barriers to pregnancy. This is further exacerbated by her assertion that one can not love an adopted child as much as one's own. Again, no acknowledgment that her truth might not be another's - this is posited as an point of absolution. There is another moment during a birthing class she attends with her male partner, where he asks "Where's the penis?...", after talking about vaginas, etc. the whole class. He is apparently looking for the inherently male role in the process. It has been said in some reviews that the author comes off as narcissistic in this book - based on this exchange I'd say her partner does as well.

I'm a little concerned that the book does not come out to talk about feminism more explicitly. I feel that there is room for it. A little discussion in this vein would add some weight to an otherwise rather fluffy piece, but it does not occur. Instead we are left with a piece that looks, very much, as something that could be considered a post-feminist take on pregnancy and motherhood. I find this very, very unfortunate. The book was a disappointment. (less)

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Jun 14, 2009 Melinda rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: twaddle, 2009, not-worth-owning, non-fiction, biography

I just read about this book at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/art... .

Rebecca Walker is the daughter of author Alice Walker, who wrote "The Color Purple". The article teaser is what made me interested in reading this book.

"She's revered as a trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker touched the lives of a generation of women. A champion of women's rights, she has always argued that motherhood is a form of servitude. But one woman didn't buy in to Alice's beliefs - her daughter, Rebecca,...more I just read about this book at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/art... .

Rebecca Walker is the daughter of author Alice Walker, who wrote "The Color Purple". The article teaser is what made me interested in reading this book.

"She's revered as a trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker touched the lives of a generation of women. A champion of women's rights, she has always argued that motherhood is a form of servitude. But one woman didn't buy in to Alice's beliefs - her daughter, Rebecca, 38.

Here the writer describes what it was like to grow up as the daughter of a cultural icon, and why she feels so blessed to be the sort of woman 64-year-old Alice despises - a mother. "

********************
I read this book in about 30 minutes. It is not terribly well written. It is in the form of a journal from the time the author discovers she is pregnant, to the birth of her son. I began skipping sections where the "what will I do?" introspection became too much.

What was most interesting to me in this book were the unspoken moments about her mother. She is very respectful in the book, not slamming or openly criticizing her mother, but the unspoken moments are there. After having read a bit more about Alice Walker, the author's mother, I feel very sorry for Rebecca. She was taught to despise men, to reject motherhood, and to look at children as a burden. Success for a woman (according to Alice Walker) was being free and having no burdens to hold you back. That Rebecca overcome all this "training" and decided to have a baby is encouraging. What is less encouraging is that she sought not a husband, but a "father for her baby". She also thinks about having a baby as something she may have to do alone in case her partner leaves. So she is preparing for a relationship with her husband only for the sake of having a baby.

What will be interesting is to see if her relationship with her husband lasts, and what happens to her son. She is raising a son but has experience only as being a daughter, so if she does leave her husband what will she teach her son?

So while I found the book to be fairly mediocre, the fact that she has come out of a very sad family situation growing up into at least a real family, is a wonderful thing. I credit her for writing the book. I wonder if she will ever be reconciled with her mother for having her son?(less)

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Claire Admittedly, I'm on the shelf about this: "marriage and parenting as separate endeavors rather than interdependent roles."
Dec 21, 2010 01:26pm

Melinda Denise wrote: "Admittedly, I'm on the shelf about this: "marriage and parenting as separate endeavors rather than interdependent roles.""

Like a jewele...more Denise wrote: "Admittedly, I'm on the shelf about this: "marriage and parenting as separate endeavors rather than interdependent roles.""

Like a jeweler who grinds different facets on a beautiful gem, so are the many "facets" of each person which you gain as you grow and mature. The gem when viewed as a whole is set off in spectacular beauty when a single shaft of light hits it, and the facets reflect it back and make it sparkle and shine. The whole gem is more lovely because of the many facets. But if you split off each individual facet, then the gem is disfigured and no longer sparkles as it had before. Hacking off each individual facet to keep it separate makes the gem less lovely.

The facets of marriage and parenting are added to your life, and then when viewed as a whole makes the gem of your life shine and sparkle. When you are young, you have a few facets, but as you grow in life you add facets. I have found health and joy and delight in thinking of and treating myself as a whole person, where my skills and abilities in one area help and build up other areas in my life. I have many facets in my life -- I am my husband's wife, I am my children's mother, I am my mother's and father's daughter, I am my brothers and sisters sister, I am my niece and nephews aunt, I am someone's friend, and so on.

Each skill or ability or responsibility helps me with the rest of my skills and ability. I become a better mother because I have been a daughter. I don't stop being a daughter, but add to my life the facet of "mother". I become a better wife because I have been a sister-in-law. All of these roles are strengthened when they are used together. I believe they are weakened and made harder when you split them away from each other.

So my concern about Rebecca is that she is undermining two beautiful and magnificent facets that should go together and strengthen each other. If she chooses to split them apart, in an effort to "protect herself", she weakens all of her facets. But if she chooses to let being a wife strengthen and support being a mother and vice versa, she will strengthen all of her facets and cause them to shine and grow as they are intended to. Her husband will benefit, as will her son, and along the way she will be blessed too!(less)
Dec 24, 2010 04:40am

Feb 28, 2008 Jessica rated it 2 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people who really do want kids...or think they do

I think the subtitle of this book was a little misleading, the whole title is Baby Love: choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence. The subtitle made me think that basically after a lifetime of NOT wanting children the author suddenly changed her mind and did have a child. But, basically she always wanted children, but felt like she was not equipped to be a good mother and/or felt like she couldn't successfully "have it all".

I have always felt like I didn't want to have kids, but occa...more

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Nov 12, 2007 LaDonna rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

I came to this book with big plans of loving it, but as I began turning pages I realized that big love wasn't going to happen. I was expecting insight and revelation, but instead I found a narrow perspective and underwhelming narrative. A disappointing read, overall.

I fully agree with my fellow readers who note the author's incredible self-absorption. Granted, when you're pregnant, you should be allowed to think about yourself a great deal, but if you're writing a book with the subline "Choosing...more

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Jul 07, 2007 Régine Michelle rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: unconventional expectant mothers

I enjoyed this book and appreciated the perspective on pregnancy offered through the Third Wave Feminist lens moments such as when she worries about loss of her life and former self. I also enjoyed her point of view as a writer dealing w/ daily tasks of writing and fulfilling assignments while "ding pregnancy". She says at one point she says something like "My mind doesn't sparkle today, which is hard when you are in a profession that demands sparkle"--> exactly how I feel a lot of these days...more

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elita Your comments are spot on. I think most of us who picked up the book expected to hear at least SOME sort of ambivalence from Rebecca about what it wou...more
Aug 03, 2007 12:45pm

Toja I appreciated this book on a couple of levels. First, I came to it due to my own ambivalence toward motherhood in a society that sends very mixed mess...more
May 15, 2008 05:50am

Mar 13, 2008 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is a very sweet journal of Rebecca Walker's journey of first time pregnancy. The reality of becoming a mother for the first time forces the author to take a long look at her own relationship with her mother, famous author, Alice Walker. She discusses in depth the pain and anguish her own mother caused her during her life and how she will not make those same mistakes. Ms. Walker came under fire in this book after making the statement that one cannot possibly love an adoptive child more than...more

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Jul 18, 2007 Jessica rated it 2 of 5 stars

every detail of this woman having a baby from the point at which she can't imagine ever having a child, through every month of pregnancy, the birth (in detail, i cannot imagine how she can remember each hour...) and the months afterwards where she dealt with the baby's problems resulting from the birth (and probably the fact that she decided against a top notch medical facility for a homier alternative clinic). interesting to read someone's account but for some reason it was not as good as i thi...more

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Nov 29, 2008 Leonora rated it 3 of 5 stars

I couldn't help but think of "Operating Instructions" as I read this. In many ways, I think that is a better book. However, this one made having a baby sound more appealing.

The main flaw is it's obvious throughout that the author still has some major issues with her mother, Alice Walker. The drama between them was one of the things that kept me interested as I read. I wondered if this baby would fuse them together or drive them farther apart. When, at last, one of these things did happen, it was...more

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Mar 09, 2011 Ciara rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobio-memoir, feminist-y-books

another kind of weird parenting/pregnancy memoir. this one is by rebecca walker, who wrote the memoir black, white, & jewish, which i really liked. rebecca also coined the term "third wave feminism" & has written a lot of interesting things about feminism in the last twenty years. her mother is the writer alice walker, & in the last couple of years, i have read several bizarre essays that rebecca has written about her terrible relationship with her mother. there is a lot of that in t...more

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Dec 28, 2010 Kate rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: babies

The sub-title to this book, "Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence" sounded really different and interesting to me. So many books on motherhood come from women who always wanted to be mothers, I was excited to read about another point of view and how it turned out. Unfortunately, I found it hard to identify with Walker as the book progressed, and found it hard to connect with her story.
I am familiar with Rebecca Walker's "Third Wave" feminist anthologies, however I didn't realize...more

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Dec 13, 2010 Ruhegeist rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: bio, non-fiction

Picked this book up based on the tag line, Choosing Motherhood after a Lifetime of Ambivalence and also because my very good friend was thinking about having a baby. Well I've finally read the book (didn't want to give it out only to hear it was horrible). As usual when picking a book (anything) with the thought 'oh, soandso, may like/need/enjoy this book', I'm the one that needs to read it. For one this book finally has me ceding the point that ambivalence is not about not caring but more being...more

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Jun 20, 2009 Inder rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: 21st-century, memoir, parenting, read-2009, parenting-2009

This book is almost unbearable. Rebecca Walker tries to be honest and funny, but comes off as whiny, self-indulgent, bitchy, and stereotypically Berkeley (affluent, privileged, obsessed with organic food, alternative medicine, and Tibetan Buddhism). She claims to value motherhood, but she flames her own mother, the author Alice Walker, at every possible opportunity. She claims to be a feminist, but rants that every woman should become a mother. She claims that her rather intense experience of mo...more This book is almost unbearable. Rebecca Walker tries to be honest and funny, but comes off as whiny, self-indulgent, bitchy, and stereotypically Berkeley (affluent, privileged, obsessed with organic food, alternative medicine, and Tibetan Buddhism). She claims to value motherhood, but she flames her own mother, the author Alice Walker, at every possible opportunity. She claims to be a feminist, but rants that every woman should become a mother. She claims that her rather intense experience of motherhood (she says she could "easily" kill someone to protect her child) is universal, and implies that anyone who doesn't feel this intensity isn't a good mother. While pregnant, she falls into traditional gender roles (she feels her husband is supposed to "protect" her) and claims that this is biological. Finally, the unnuanced generalizations about "Generation X" women and our supposed ambivalence towards motherhood made me want to shake the author and yell, "Speak for yourself!"

The subtitle of the book is "Choosing Motherhood after a Lifetime of Ambivalence," but not only is Rebecca Walker never for a second ambivalent about motherhood (she states she has always wanted to have a baby), she essentially preaches that women are incomplete without it. The book is noticeably lacking in compassion towards women who make different choices in life than she has (including her mother). Especially shocking to me was her assertion that it is not possible to love adopted or step children as much as biological children. Um, what the fuck?

The book obviously says a lot more about Rebecca Walker's hang-ups than it does about women, motherhood, or a whole generation. If she had honestly addressed these hang-ups, instead of constantly drawing broad generalizations from them, the book might not have been so unbelievably terrible.

Her birth experience was the one aspect of the book that felt honest - probably because giving birth is so inherently humbling, it takes everyone down a few notches, and for those two pages, she was incapable of arrogance. Unfortunately, it didn't last.(less)

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Apr 19, 2012 Rosalie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Like many others the title was definitely misleading. I thought this would be about how a woman went from not knowing if she ever wanted children to choosing to be a mother and her journey with that. But it was clear this woman always wanted children so I'm not sure why she wrote that as the title.

Still it was an interesting read. It reminded me of Anne Lamott's book though which personally I thought was way more interesting and written much better.

All of her descriptions of her husband just an...more

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Apr 19, 2009 Brynn rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book was not at all what I anticipated it would be. I think the subtitle "choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence" is quite misleading given that the author acknowledges in the first chapter that she has always wanted a child, that she's wanted a baby for 15 years. What follows is her account of choosing a partner and the experience of being pregnant and giving birth. I expected, because of what I know of her background, for Walker to make different choices regarding the birth e...more

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Apr 13, 2009 Kate rated it 4 of 5 stars

Lucid, compelling memoir of a writer's experience with pregnancy and birth. I bought this because it talked about maternal ambivalence, a subject I was interested in, but as it turned out, Walker wanted to have a baby for most of her adult life. To me the more interesting draws were her reflections on blended families, and the distinctions she draws between stepparents and children and biological parents and children, and her meanderings through the world of midwives and natural childbirth. The...more

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Sep 07, 2009 Michele rated it 3 of 5 stars

I expected a lot from Rebecca Walker with this book. For one, she's Alice Walker's daughter. Does it run in the family? Eh, maybe. Her writing is clear and concise, and her emotions are real, but one detail was extremely distracting. On every single page and sometimes up to 8 times per page, she manages to use the word "ambivalent" or one of it's forms. Now, I understand that this was much of her point of the book, her (forgive me) "ambivalent" emotions about motherhood and her child. Her idea...more

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Jul 07, 2012 Louise Silk rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: auto-biography

Being a three time mother and a four time grandmother, I thought I could never get anything out of this book, but I did. I loved the way her pregnancy reminded me of events in my own experience.

I was curious about the author and her issues with her mother, Alice Walker. The drama between them kept me interested and wondering. Also, her other love relationships and how they play into the story- including that of the father of the baby.

I found her voice to be quite defensive and maybe even a littl...more

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Apr 20, 2013 Mary rated it 3 of 5 stars

The title is misleading, as it's clear she's not ambivalent about having a child but rather about how she will and its effect on her life. And yes, as some other reviewers mention, it does get a bit whiny and isn't always well reasoned or fair but hello, we are taking about a pregnancy memoir here. If there's ever a time when one gets to whine and wonder a bit, that's it. She is honest about the ups, downs, inbetweens...the doubts, fears, questions, and confusion. And I think she was writing jus...more

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Aug 25, 2012 Bridget rated it 3 of 5 stars

As other reviewers have pointed out, there is a little false advertising here - the author's ambivalence isn't really about whether or not she would have children, but under what circumstances she would eventually decide that she would. I appreciated her honesty and intelligence, if her privilege did detract somewhat. I think she represents a lot of women in their 30s, who grew up smart, engaged feminists and struggle with how to reconcile that with relationships with their mothers, partners, an...more

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Sep 13, 2012 Jennifer rated it 2 of 5 stars

I wish I had read the reviews before buying it. I was predisposed to liking it - young(Ish), hip, feminist author writing honestly about her pregnancy. But I have the same two words as most others on here - whiny and narcissistic. And is it really shocking that she has a bad relationship with her mother when she trashes her every few pages? I give it 2 stars only because she does write well. In fact, she writes beautifully about her experience of being pregnant, she just doesn't give the impress...more

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Aug 22, 2010 Allyson B rated it 2 of 5 stars

I was excited to read this because I recently finished an anthology called "One Big Happy Family" that Rebecca Walker edited, and it was awesome. I have also read her book called "Black, White, and Jewish" which I remember enjoying although it was a long time ago. This book is about how she finally decided that she wanted to have a baby after "a lifetime of ambivalence" and it's basically about her experience being pregnant. It was kind of annoying and I decided not to finish it. It got repetiti...more

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Sep 03, 2012 Nina rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is such a real, candid, harsh, and beautiful story of the ups and downs of pregnancy and parenthood from a woman who, like me, was always ambivalent about children. Her revelations about her own childhood and how that affected her views on parenthood are so honest. Although many people say that one will consider having children after reading this book it didn't have that effect on me--but I appreciated the fact that Walker was frank about the pressure on women to desire children, and t...more

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Apr 04, 2011 Cindy rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-for-new-moms, favorites, mother-and-daughter-relationship

April's discussion for Mommy's Day Out Book Club.
Rebecca Walker's memoir - of before her pregnancy and throughout.

"Can I survive having a baby? Will I lose myself - my body, my mind, my options - and be left trapped, resentful, and irretrievably overwhelmed? If I have a baby, we wonder silently to ourselves, will I die?" (6).

"To compound matters, I had a tempestuous relationship with my mother, and feared the inevitable kick back sure to follow such a final and dramatic departure from daughterh...more

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Jan 12, 2009 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars

I love Rebecca Walker. Love her! I love that she's ambivalent and obsessive about all the same things I would be ambivalent and obsessive about...at least when it comes to having a baby.

Since she wrote this journal-style, at times it feels a little too close to reading your own diary, which makes it fun to read (as in, what would I write if I were Rebecca Walker?), but also makes me wonder how much she edited and re-wrote. Perhaps there is pride in using raw material? Or perhaps I loved it beca...more

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Nov 12, 2008 Denise rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book was both better and worse than I thought it would be. Better because I thought her ambivalence would be some kind of unplanned pregnancy/never-wanted-to-be-a-mom kind of thing, and instead the ambivalence referred to doing the balancing between the feminist principles of choice and autonomy, and the fact that parenthood means another person is beholden to your constant attention for survival. I kind of appreciated that analysis, though there was so much other crap floating around it (i...more

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Jul 29, 2008 Sonya Feher rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, pregnancy

I realize the publishers may have added the subtitle to Baby Love but "Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence" is totally misleading. Rebecca Walker always wanted children. She had the same fears we all have: Who will I have a child with? How will we pay for it? Will the baby be healthy? What kind of parent will I be? She's not really ambivalent about choosing motherhood.

The core issue is that Walker has a stormy relationship with her mother, Alice Walker. If you're curious about...more

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Jun 10, 2008 Kristen rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: feminism, memoirs

This book was interesting and helpful as she unpacks a lot of complicated issues between motherhood and feminism. I enjoyed a lot of her story. In particular, I enjoyed reading about her struggles with choosing a parenting strategies.

But parts made me uncomfortable--mainly her seeming obsession with heterosexual parenting and her goal to wipe out ambivalence among women about motherhood. Once she became pregnant, she seemed to turn into a heterosexist, "motherhood is the only path for women" ma...more

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Jun 04, 2008 stacy rated it 1 of 5 stars

I think the ambivalence part comes from her but also from her own mother and her fear of how that would affect her parenting skills. I did not like this book and did not finish it so I'm not going to claim to be the best judge of it. But, I know how hard it is to ask for money from your parents. I know how hard it is to stand on your own two feet and not accept or ask help from anyone. I did not suspect she was not in that type of position. She has a partner. She has a job, an education and is i...more

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Apr 21, 2007 Elizabeth Renton rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone considering having kids

This book caught my eye at Barnes and Noble for its title: Baby Love- choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence. Thinking that I certainly have been ambivalent about having kids, I cracked it open and devoured the first chapter. The author, whom I've never heard of before now, has a wonderful talent for memoir writing. She describes the events and circumstances leading up to her decision to have a baby, after spending a lifetime reveling in the feminist notion that children are optiona...more

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Quotes from Baby Love

“. . . when it comes down to it, that’s what life is all about: showing up for the people you love, again and again, until you can’t show up anymore.” — 16 people liked it

“Because mothers make us, because they map our emotional terrain before we even know we are capable of having an emotional terrain, they know just where to stick the dynamite. With a few small power plays - a skeptical comment, the withholding of approval or praise - a mother can devastate a daughter. Decades of subtle undermining can stunt a daughter, or so monopolize her energy that she in effect stunts herself. Muted, fearful, riddled with self-doubt, she can remain trapped in daughterhood forever, the one place she feels confident she knows the rules.” — 3 people liked it

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