Baby Love

by Rebecca Walker (Goodreads author)

book data

266 ratings, 3.13 average rating, 92 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		12%
4		24%
3		34%
2		22%
1		6%

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published

2007 (first published 2008) by Riverhead Hardcover

binding

Hardcover, 224 pages

isbn

1594489432 (isbn13: 9781594489433)

description

From the bestselling author whom Time magazine hails as one of the leaders of her generation, an insightful, moving, and entertaining memoir of pregna...more

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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 430)

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07/10/07

sarah rated it:

Read in July, 2007

To be totally honest I came to this book with some preconceived notions after reading several reviews of it. Overall I found it to be a little whiny and very self-absorbed. I was kind of fascinated to see her react to different peoples' take on things and opinions, about her life, about parenthood in general, etc. in a very knee-jerk way - a difference of opinion almost always seems to be taken as a challenge. She'll speak of the truth of others but utterly fail to recognize any kind of relativi...more To be totally honest I came to this book with some preconceived notions after reading several reviews of it. Overall I found it to be a little whiny and very self-absorbed. I was kind of fascinated to see her react to different peoples' take on things and opinions, about her life, about parenthood in general, etc. in a very knee-jerk way - a difference of opinion almost always seems to be taken as a challenge. She'll speak of the truth of others but utterly fail to recognize any kind of relativism in virtually any situation or statement.

There were specific moments in the book where I was taken aback at moments which were mentioned but washed over. Once she's talking to a friend who decided not to have children. Walker quickly glosses over the fact that she's had several major illnesses and goes on to talk about how she wishes she could tell her friend that she is wrong. For Walker, there is no room apparently for physical barriers to pregnancy. This is further exacerbated by her assertion that one can not love an adopted child as much as one's own. Again, no acknowledgment that her truth might not be another's - this is posited as an point of absolution. There is another moment during a birthing class she attends with her male partner, where he asks "Where's the penis?...", after talking about vaginas, etc. the whole class. He is apparently looking for the inherently male role in the process. It has been said in some reviews that the author comes off as narcissistic in this book - based on this exchange I'd say her partner does as well.

I'm a little concerned that the book does not come out to talk about feminism more explicitly. I feel that there is room for it. A little discussion in this vein would add some weight to an otherwise rather fluffy piece, but it does not occur. Instead we are left with a piece that looks, very much, as something that could be considered a post-feminist take on pregnancy and motherhood. I find this very, very unfortunate. The book was a disappointment. (less)

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08/07/07

Lauren rated it:

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in September, 2007

recommends it for: mothers-to-be

So I have to say upfront that I was disappointed with Baby Love. The subtitle ("choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence") is a little misleading, for starters, since Walker says on page 1 that, "For the last fifteen years I have told everyone...that I wanted a baby." That, to me, does not spell ambivalence. It becomes clear as the book goes along that Walker has in fact known and tried several times in the past few years to get pregnant, so while I was initiall...more

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05/11/09

Melinda rated it:

Read in May, 2009

I just read about this book at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl... .

Rebecca Walker is the daughter of author Alice Walker, who wrote "The Color Purple". The article teaser is what made me interested in reading this book.

"She's revered as a trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker touched the lives of a generation of women. A champion of women's rights, she has always argued that motherhood is a form of servitude. But one woman didn't buy in t...more I just read about this book at http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl... .

Rebecca Walker is the daughter of author Alice Walker, who wrote "The Color Purple". The article teaser is what made me interested in reading this book.

"She's revered as a trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker touched the lives of a generation of women. A champion of women's rights, she has always argued that motherhood is a form of servitude. But one woman didn't buy in to Alice's beliefs - her daughter, Rebecca, 38.

Here the writer describes what it was like to grow up as the daughter of a cultural icon, and why she feels so blessed to be the sort of woman 64-year-old Alice despises - a mother. "

********************
I read this book in about 30 minutes. It is not terribly well written. It is in the form of a journal from the time the author discovers she is pregnant, to the birth of her son. I began skipping sections where the "what will I do?" introspection became too much.

What was most interesting to me in this book were the unspoken moments about her mother. She is very respectful in the book, not slamming or openly criticizing her mother, but the unspoken moments are there. After having read a bit more about Alice Walker, the author's mother, I feel very sorry for Rebecca. She was taught to despise men, to reject motherhood, and to look at children as a burden. Success for a woman (according to Alice Walker) was being free and having no burdens to hold you back. That Rebecca overcome all this "training" and decided to have a baby is encouraging. What is less encouraging is that she sought not a husband, but a "father for her baby". She also thinks about having a baby as something she may have to do alone in case her partner leaves. So she is preparing for a relationship with her husband only for the sake of having a baby.

What will be interesting is to see if her relationship with her husband lasts, and what happens to her son. She is raising a son but has experience only as being a daughter, so if she does leave her husband what will she teach her son?

So while I found the book to be fairly mediocre, the fact that she has come out of a very sad family situation growing up into at least a real family, is a wonderful thing. I credit her for writing the book. I wonder if she will ever be reconciled with her mother for having her son?(less)

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02/25/08

Jessica rated it:

Read in February, 2008

recommends it for: people who really do want kids...or think they do

I think the subtitle of this book was a little misleading, the whole title is Baby Love: choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence. The subtitle made me think that basically after a lifetime of NOT wanting children the author suddenly changed her mind and did have a child. But, basically she always wanted children, but felt like she was not equipped to be a good mother and/or felt like she couldn't successfully "have it all".

I have always felt like I didn't wa...more

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10/03/07

LaDonna rated it:

bookshelves: nonfiction

Read in November, 2007

I came to this book with big plans of loving it, but as I began turning pages I realized that big love wasn't going to happen. I was expecting insight and revelation, but instead I found a narrow perspective and underwhelming narrative. A disappointing read, overall.

I fully agree with my fellow readers who note the author's incredible self-absorption. Granted, when you're pregnant, you should be allowed to think about yourself a great deal, but if you're writing a book with the subli...more

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06/18/07

Régine Michelle rated it:

Read in June, 2007

recommends it for: unconventional expectant mothers

I enjoyed this book and appreciated the perspective on pregnancy offered through the Third Wave Feminist lens moments such as when she worries about loss of her life and former self. I also enjoyed her point of view as a writer dealing w/ daily tasks of writing and fulfilling assignments while "ding pregnancy". She says at one point she says something like "My mind doesn't sparkle today, which is hard when you are in a profession that demands sparkle"--> exactly how I fe...more

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03/13/08

Jennifer rated it:

This is a very sweet journal of Rebecca Walker's journey of first time pregnancy. The reality of becoming a mother for the first time forces the author to take a long look at her own relationship with her mother, famous author, Alice Walker. She discusses in depth the pain and anguish her own mother caused her during her life and how she will not make those same mistakes. Ms. Walker came under fire in this book after making the statement that one cannot possibly love an adoptive child more tha...more

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07/18/07

Jessica rated it:

Read in June, 2007

every detail of this woman having a baby from the point at which she can't imagine ever having a child, through every month of pregnancy, the birth (in detail, i cannot imagine how she can remember each hour...) and the months afterwards where she dealt with the baby's problems resulting from the birth (and probably the fact that she decided against a top notch medical facility for a homier alternative clinic). interesting to read someone's account but for some reason it was not as good as i thi...more

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11/29/08

Leonora of rated it:

Read in November, 2008

I couldn't help but think of "Operating Instructions" as I read this. In many ways, I think that is a better book. However, this one made having a baby sound more appealing.

The main flaw is it's obvious throughout that the author still has some major issues with her mother, Alice Walker. The drama between them was one of the things that kept me interested as I read. I wondered if this baby would fuse them together or drive them farther apart. When, at last, one of these thi...more

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06/18/09

Inder rated it:

bookshelves: 21st-century, memoir, parenting, read-2009

Read in June, 2009

This book is almost unbearable. Rebecca Walker tries to be honest and funny, but comes off as whiny, self-indulgent, bitchy, and stereotypically Berkeley (affluent, privileged, obsessed with organic food, alternative medicine, and Tibetan Buddhism). She claims to value motherhood, but she flames her own mother, the author Alice Walker, at every possible opportunity. She claims to be a feminist, but rants that every woman should become a mother. She claims that her rather intense experience of mo...more This book is almost unbearable. Rebecca Walker tries to be honest and funny, but comes off as whiny, self-indulgent, bitchy, and stereotypically Berkeley (affluent, privileged, obsessed with organic food, alternative medicine, and Tibetan Buddhism). She claims to value motherhood, but she flames her own mother, the author Alice Walker, at every possible opportunity. She claims to be a feminist, but rants that every woman should become a mother. She claims that her rather intense experience of motherhood (she says she could "easily" kill someone to protect her child) is universal, and implies that anyone who doesn't feel this intensity isn't a good mother. While pregnant, she falls into traditional gender roles (she feels her husband is supposed to "protect" her) and claims that this is biological. Finally, the unnuanced generalizations about "Generation X" women and our supposed ambivalence towards motherhood made me want to shake the author and yell, "Speak for yourself!"

The subtitle of the book is "Choosing Motherhood after a Lifetime of Ambivalence," but not only is Rebecca Walker never for a second ambivalent about motherhood (she states she has always wanted to have a baby), she essentially preaches that women are incomplete without it. The book is noticeably lacking in compassion towards women who make different choices in life than she has (including her mother). Especially shocking to me was her assertion that it is not possible to love adopted or step children as much as biological children. Um, what the fuck?

The book obviously says a lot more about Rebecca Walker's hang-ups than it does about women, motherhood, or a whole generation. If she had honestly addressed these hang-ups, instead of constantly drawing broad generalizations from them, the book might not have been so unbelievably terrible.

Her birth experience was the one aspect of the book that felt honest - probably because giving birth is so inherently humbling, it takes everyone down a few notches, and for those two pages, she was incapable of arrogance. Unfortunately, it didn't last.(less)

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04/19/09

Brynn rated it:

This book was not at all what I anticipated it would be. I think the subtitle "choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence" is quite misleading given that the author acknowledges in the first chapter that she has always wanted a child, that she's wanted a baby for 15 years. What follows is her account of choosing a partner and the experience of being pregnant and giving birth. I expected, because of what I know of her background, for Walker to make different choices regarding...more

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04/13/09

Kate rated it:

Read in April, 2009

Lucid, compelling memoir of a writer's experience with pregnancy and birth. I bought this because it talked about maternal ambivalence, a subject I was interested in, but as it turned out, Walker wanted to have a baby for most of her adult life. To me the more interesting draws were her reflections on blended families, and the distinctions she draws between stepparents and children and biological parents and children, and her meanderings through the world of midwives and natural childbirth. The ...more

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12/29/08

Amy rated it:

Read in January, 2009

I love Rebecca Walker. Love her! I love that she's ambivalent and obsessive about all the same things I would be ambivalent and obsessive about...at least when it comes to having a baby.

Since she wrote this journal-style, at times it feels a little too close to reading your own diary, which makes it fun to read (as in, what would I write if I were Rebecca Walker?), but also makes me wonder how much she edited and re-wrote. Perhaps there is pride in using raw material? Or perhap...more

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11/09/08

Denise rated it:

Read in November, 2008

This book was both better and worse than I thought it would be. Better because I thought her ambivalence would be some kind of unplanned pregnancy/never-wanted-to-be-a-mom kind of thing, and instead the ambivalence referred to doing the balancing between the feminist principles of choice and autonomy, and the fact that parenthood means another person is beholden to your constant attention for survival. I kind of appreciated that analysis, though there was so much other crap floating around it ...more

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07/23/08

Sonya Feher rated it:

bookshelves: memoir, pregnancy

Read in July, 2008

I realize the publishers may have added the subtitle to Baby Love but "Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence" is totally misleading. Rebecca Walker always wanted children. She had the same fears we all have: Who will I have a child with? How will we pay for it? Will the baby be healthy? What kind of parent will I be? She's not really ambivalent about choosing motherhood.

The core issue is that Walker has a stormy relationship with her mother, Alice Walker. I...more

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06/10/08

Kristen rated it:

bookshelves: feminism, memoirs

Read in June, 2008

This book was interesting and helpful as she unpacks a lot of complicated issues between motherhood and feminism. I enjoyed a lot of her story. In particular, I enjoyed reading about her struggles with choosing a parenting strategies.

But parts made me uncomfortable--mainly her seeming obsession with heterosexual parenting and her goal to wipe out ambivalence among women about motherhood. Once she became pregnant, she seemed to turn into a heterosexist, "motherhood is the on...more

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06/04/08

stacy rated it:

I think the ambivalence part comes from her but also from her own mother and her fear of how that would affect her parenting skills. I did not like this book and did not finish it so I'm not going to claim to be the best judge of it. But, I know how hard it is to ask for money from your parents. I know how hard it is to stand on your own two feet and not accept or ask help from anyone. I did not suspect she was not in that type of position. She has a partner. She has a job, an education and is i...more

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04/19/07

Elizabeth Renton rated it:

Read in April, 2007

recommends it for: anyone considering having kids

This book caught my eye at Barnes and Noble for its title: Baby Love- choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence. Thinking that I certainly have been ambivalent about having kids, I cracked it open and devoured the first chapter. The author, whom I've never heard of before now, has a wonderful talent for memoir writing. She describes the events and circumstances leading up to her decision to have a baby, after spending a lifetime reveling in the feminist notion that children are optiona...more

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08/23/08

Jenn rated it:

Read in August, 2008

I read this book because I wanted the dish on Rebecca Walker's break-up with her mother, Alice. It was less than satisfying. Why do so many memoirists (esp. mom-oirists) come off as petty, neurotic, and unlikeable?

If you do read this book, have fun looking for blanket statements designed to piss people off. For instance:

"It's not the same. I don't care how close you are to your adopted son or beloved stepdaughter, the love you have for your nonbiological child isn'...more

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02/19/09

Misty rated it:

It is the simple age-old story of childbirth, told by a very complex and mighty interesting woman called rebecca walker. In between the first, second and third term (and the labors) walker tells about her remarkable life as a biracial daughter of jewish/african american descent, a previous lesbian relationship, a troubled mother-daughter relationship and all the related anxieties and excitement that preludes her decision to become a mother.

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