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The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

4.11 of 5 stars 4.11  ·  rating details  ·  163 ratings  ·  26 reviews
An invaluable resource for couples in which one or both partners have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this authoritative book guides troubled partners towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by it, and to integrate ADHD into their relationship in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyo ...more
Paperback, 225 pages
Published September 1st 2010 by Specialty Press/A.D.D. Warehouse (first published 2010)
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Darren Standar
Not bad, as an add-on to solid general books on ADHD (like Dr. Brown's book "Attention Deficit Disorder: the Unfocused Mind") and as a follow-up to Gina Pera's "Is It You, Me, or Adult ADHD?" (which is much more comprehensive in scope and much better written).

Otherwise, best for "ADHD-lite" or those relationships where the partner of the ADHD adult has bigger problems than the ADHD adult.
Donloree Hoffman
This is the first book I have read on the subject of ADHD where the partner is not the coach, mentor, or helper for the person with ADHD. Melissa clears up so many grey areas for people who are married to someone with ADHD. Halfway through the book I found myself crying because I realized I wasn't alone in my struggle to have a healthy relationship despite the effects of ADHD on our marriage. Sorting out what is ADHD and what is the person was the first step towards success. After reading the bo ...more
Interesting stories of various couples. Very depressing book, though. Sounded exactly like every ADHD marriage I know. The author's intent was supposedly to show how great ADHD marriages can become if all parties do their part, but those examples didn't really come through with anywhere near the power and punch of the frustration and despair from the couples wrestling with the problem.
All this book really did was tell you to find a doctor that will treat the ADHD and to stop trying to fix your spouse. She could have saved me the time of reading the book by just writing a magazine article with the same information.
P is for Polly
So far, all the ADD type books I have read seem to go on and on about how lazy, stupid, and how terribly irresponsible these "people" are. I find this doesn't describe me at all and so doesn't help me at all. I borrowed this book from my therapist. She says sometimes its helpful to people, but other times its not.

It's easy to be impressed by the insight in the book if it is your first exposure to ADHD in relationships. However, it's also easy to be impressed by a gypsy psychic's insight, and for similar reasons.

The book and Ms. Orlov's website are geared toward the non-ADHD partner pointing the finger at ADHD because it doesn't fit her subjective view of the world. If you want an excuse to end your relationship buy the book and jump onboard the website. Drink the Koolaid and demand the ADHD partner fall
This book is amazing. It took me forever to finish it because I kept rereading her words. Her advice on marriage was helpful, but it felt good for someone to acknowledge my feelings with ADHD and marriage. She's been there and was able to share so many of her stories and others which made me feel not so alone and able to better understand my husband. She was able to present the positives and negatives of an ADHD relationship in a professional but personal manner which I really appreciated. I wou ...more
Having just recently figured out WHAT was going on in our relationship...this book was like a breath of fresh air. It was as if it was written specifically TO ME about our marriage. It's helped me view ADHD in a new light and explained alot about what was going on. Now I'm ready to try the strategies she suggests in the book. And I feel hopeful :-)
AlohaKarina Chapman
This book is a marriage saver. Incredible. I learned so much, after reading this week we went to the doctor and hubby was diagnosed. Everything makes so much more sense now, and life has actually become so much easier. We've been married for 24 years, together for 30, so we had a system that worked, but this has helped alleviate a lot of the stress and tension that we were having because things seemed to be getting worse. If you don't know your spouse has ADHD, it makes it very hard to manage a ...more
Excellent, it helped us reduce our frustration with each other after realizing the impact ADHD was having on us.
Chris Lundberg
This book not only improved my well-being (since I suffer from severe ADHD), but it also saved my relationship.
Kyle Wendy Skultety (
Very insightful on how people with ADD perceive things that non ADD people say...and how non ADD'ers can be hurt by the whole ADD personality.
Sabrina Forest
Didn't finish because wasn't really applicable to my relationship.
Stephanie Bird
Very helpful book for insight into the dynamics and perspectives of the ADHD spouse and non-ADHD spouse.
Jun 06, 2011 Gloria rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Families with ADD members
Shelves: non-fiction
Excellent, positive, accessible book. Easy to read and understand. Her web site is and is excellent as well. This sounded so much like my own situation that I felt guilty for feeling like we were the only ones experiencing something like this. The only disappointment is the lack of advice aimed at people with ADD/ADHD who resist going after a solution. Without their participation, it doesn't seem like there is much hope for change.
Very helpful for someone married to a person with ADHD. I knew I was nagging him about chores and stuff and I didn't like being a nag, but I didn't realize it was the ADHD that I wasn't coping with well. This book helped me to understand ADHD better, how it affects our relationship, and gives some help in how to deal better with ADHD.
Kelli Pendrey
If u have ADHD/ADD or not and are in any kind of a relationship with someone who is I REALLY recommend this book! I have ADD and it's been a lifesaver in my marriage because it's helped my husband and myself understand why I am the way I am and why he reacts to some of things I do the way he does.
I thought it was a great book and insightful as a non add spouse finding out ways of handling things and realizing all things aren't personal. I would recommend it to anyone with or married to ect. someone with ADD
Loving it so far! Although, it seems like it could use more examples of situations where it's the wife who has ADHD, rather than the husband. Not very far into it yet, though, so maybe that'll change.
I stumbled across this book on Amazon and read it on a whim. I am amazed at how "right on" this book is. A must read for anyone with ADHD or in a relationship with someone with ADHD.
This book has great advice for non-ADHD spouses on how to identify the destructive and cyclical emotions and reactions toward ADHD symptoms and how to get rid of them. Wonderful resource!
Anna Ellis
She could have used us as a case study for some of it. It was very interesting and prompted some great discussion. It left me with a "you are not alone" sort of feeling.
Pretty good, and helpful. I just feel like it was way too long. Though I would read the second half again. Would've been more helpful a few years ago.
Slade Chandler
Wow. This is an eye-opener for anyone who knows, works with, or lives with someone who has the gift of ADHD. I am humbled by my own myopia and ignorance.
This book is absolutely invaluable to anyone married to someone with ADHD. Really practical information for both parties. Highly recommend!
Apr 15, 2011 PWRL marked it as to-read
Shelves: 2011-new
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