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82nd out of 150 books
—
127 voters
The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an Adventure for 3-6 Players, Levels 2-5
by
Carlton Mellick III (Goodreads Author)
Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons? The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment ]2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While explorin...more
Paperback, 232 pages
Published
June 11th 2010
by Eraserhead Press
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In the introduction, Mellick calls this the stupidest book he has ever written. Maybe I just haven't gotten around to enough of his books, but I would argue that it's actually one of his better ones, at least among those I've read. Beneath all of the juvenile mayhem and orc/ogre/bugbear boners, this book actually says quite a lot about free will, the nature of reality, and other subjects more often associated with so-called "literary" fiction. Personally, I found it to be hilarious and thought p...more
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This is the third book I've bought based on a recommendation from boing boing, and the third disappointment. The book's conceit (actually "gimmick" would be a better description) is that it narrates the quest of a group of characters in a game of Dungeons and Dragons who have become aware that they are characters in a game. And what's more, they are being played by a group of inane, sex-crazed twelve year olds.
The book is surprisingly profane, but to its credit this is used for comic rather tha...more
The book is surprisingly profane, but to its credit this is used for comic rather tha...more
I knew this was a bizarre book when I saw it on line awhile back, and I got around to reading it last night night. This is a quick and funny read...very twisted in fact.
I suppose my enjoyment of this stems from my experiences with AD&D when I was a teen, and the fact that this book was written with the voice of the sexually frustrated geek in mind (complete gratuitous sexually charge illustrations that could only come from the mind of early teenage boys living out sexual fantasies in tre sa...more
I suppose my enjoyment of this stems from my experiences with AD&D when I was a teen, and the fact that this book was written with the voice of the sexually frustrated geek in mind (complete gratuitous sexually charge illustrations that could only come from the mind of early teenage boys living out sexual fantasies in tre sa...more
I'm generally opposed to "there are two types of people in this world" hyperbolic binaries, but sometimes you just have to say fuck it and give in to the glory of gross generalizations. Which is to say, I suspect that there are two types of people in this world: ones who will read the title of CMIII D&D-inspired novel and think to themselves "this is a book I was waiting my whole life for and didn't even know it," and people who will think something else entirely. What the latter camp will t...more
Short Version: Clever concept, poorly executed.
Long Version: The premise is that characters in a D&D game become aware that they are characters in a D&D game being run by sex obsessed teenagers. An interesting premise, but one that the book never actually leaves until the last few pages. Instead, the book simply explores scene after scene of self aware characters caught in a world designed by horny teenagers: in other words, bad porn.
In between the bad porn we get some potentially intere...more
Long Version: The premise is that characters in a D&D game become aware that they are characters in a D&D game being run by sex obsessed teenagers. An interesting premise, but one that the book never actually leaves until the last few pages. Instead, the book simply explores scene after scene of self aware characters caught in a world designed by horny teenagers: in other words, bad porn.
In between the bad porn we get some potentially intere...more
I borrowed this book from my game master. This is important to note. I did not pay money for this. This was not, you understand, due to any kind of misapprehension that it might be actually good, but because of my curiosity about a gaming novel that’s not a campaign setting tie-in and I thought it might be funny. I suppose I should have a disclaimer here about how the following post may offend some people, but if you didn’t get that from the title already, I’m not sure I can help you.
I am told t...more
I am told t...more
1 like · like · see review
I was going to give it 1 star, but decided to give an extra one for the concept which is quite interesting, though extremely poorly developed.
The books has an almost unbelievable amount of sex jokes and imagery, which never shocked or offended me, but made me wonder why the heck was I reading such a silly attempt at literature. I know it was meant to represent the kind of rpg session a 14 year old, sexually frustrated kid in a wheel chair would create, but it still felt like my IQ was dropping a...more
The books has an almost unbelievable amount of sex jokes and imagery, which never shocked or offended me, but made me wonder why the heck was I reading such a silly attempt at literature. I know it was meant to represent the kind of rpg session a 14 year old, sexually frustrated kid in a wheel chair would create, but it still felt like my IQ was dropping a...more
I've never played D&D. I actually had no idea what either D stood for until about a year ago. So I'm sure some of the parody was lost on me. But I'm a huge fan of Carlton Mellick III's other work so I knew I had to check this one out. One of the great things about Mellick's writing is that it sucks you in immediately and doesn't let go until it's over. The same was true of Kobold Wizard. As absurd and raunchy as the title and cover indicate, the story was also funny and engaging, and the adv...more
I hadn't read anything by Carlton Mellick in a long time, but the premise of this book convinced me I'd like it. This was before I was aware of just how many penises are in the book. Most are erect. Many belong to non-playable races. I would have to say, on reflection, that I would not have expected to enjoy a book so single-mindedly dedicated to penises and demihuman rape as much as I did. But I did.
There is a lot of cheap, stupid humor here, but I think that's a genre requirement. Most of the...more
There is a lot of cheap, stupid humor here, but I think that's a genre requirement. Most of the...more
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One of those so fucking obvious ideas, why didn't I have it myself! Sure, there are some glaring weaknesses, but if you shield your eyes, this book is fantastic. There is a part of me that wishes Mr Mellick would have taken a bit more time to really explore the concept, but fuck it. I laughed so much that my wife wants to read it now. Crap, I've tried so hard to hide the juvenile pervert that lurks not so deeply under the professional mask I wear every day and Mellick has gone and exposed me. Da...more
Carlton Mellick III, The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (Eraserhead Press, 2010)
There are two types of people in the world: those who play Dungeons and Dragons, and those who ridicule us. Among the people who play Dungeons and Dragons, there are two subtypes: those who take it way, way too seriously, and those who don't. So we're already down to a pretty vertical market for this book, but if you are of the latter variety of the former variety, The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenmen...more
There are two types of people in the world: those who play Dungeons and Dragons, and those who ridicule us. Among the people who play Dungeons and Dragons, there are two subtypes: those who take it way, way too seriously, and those who don't. So we're already down to a pretty vertical market for this book, but if you are of the latter variety of the former variety, The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenmen...more
Yeah it's childish, but what do you expect with a title that has the words "dildo of enlightenment" in it?
Really enjoyed it, pissed myself laughing on a chapterly basis and loved the whole neryness of it.
A few very minor quibbles, the cod philosophy towards the end was nice but sort of jarred with the rest of the book.
Also, i worked out an ending a few chapters before i finished , and it wasn't that one (i think my one was better ;) )
Anyway, D&D - Dickjokes and Dragons
Really enjoyed it, pissed myself laughing on a chapterly basis and loved the whole neryness of it.
A few very minor quibbles, the cod philosophy towards the end was nice but sort of jarred with the rest of the book.
Also, i worked out an ending a few chapters before i finished , and it wasn't that one (i think my one was better ;) )
Anyway, D&D - Dickjokes and Dragons
There are some laughs here. The titular instrument causes D&D characters to become self-aware and realize that their absurd and perverse adventures arise in a game played by a bunch of gross, puerile teenagers. So the story is an extended parody of how immature, silly, and vulgar a D&D game can be. It's like the old Dead Alewives sketch, but with much (much) more detail about the worst D&D session you can imagine. The in-jokes about the game mechanics and what the spells might be use...more
As a kid I was never invited to play D&D. I always wanted to. In college I was invited, but I wanted to hang out with a different crowd. This book was hilarious! Well worth the time. Mellick has a great imagination and I am quickly becoming a big fan of his writing.
This book was hilarious. If you don't like crudely drawn fantasy dicks, I would shy away from this one.
Otherwise, you will love it with the strength of a thousand suns.
Otherwise, you will love it with the strength of a thousand suns.
I read this because of the name and because it was a fictionalized account of players running through a D&D module. Funny in a 13 year old way.
i absolutely loved this one. i'm a life long rpg nerd and i enjoyed every hilarious, perverse, sick moment of this book. one of my favorite by mellick so far.
This will appeal more to anyone whose life resumé includes at least one D&D campaign; but this book is lots of fun.
Are you ready to play some Dungeons and fucking Dragons???
Umm...maybe not, but I did enjoy this book.
Umm...maybe not, but I did enjoy this book.
I found this to be quite amusing. Perfect for when I wanted to turn my brain off and just get goofy!
This book was written specifically for me.
Utterly juvenile--exactly the sort of thing I would have written when I was fifteen. Loved it!
Hilarious.
retarded as fuck, yet entertaining. you D&D nerds will love it
I was hoping this book would be hilarious from reviews and the description, but it was pretty unfunny. The stereotypes of DnD'ers were simply reinforced, the story itself boring and overly pedantic, and the resolution to the tale was pretty unexciting and predictable.
This makes me wonder how my old D&D player characters would treat me...
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Carlton Mellick III (July 2, 1977, Phoenix, Arizona) is an American author currently residing in Portland, Oregon. He calls his style of writing "avant-punk," and is currently one of the leading authors in the recent 'Bizarro' movement in underground literature[citation needed] with Steve Aylett, Chris Genoa and D. Harlan Wilson.
Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock...more
More about Carlton Mellick III...
Mellick's work has been described as a combination of trashy schlock...more
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