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Kids are worth it : giving your child the gift of inner discipline
Barbara Coloroso's powerful message is that good parenting begins with treating kids with respect. It means giving them a sense of power in their own lives, and offering them opportunities to make decisions, take responsibility for their actions, and learn from their own successes and mistakes. Rejecting the "quick fix" solutions of punishment and reward, she uses everyday
...morePaperback
Published
1994
by Toronto: Somerville House Publishing
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Nov 30, 2008
Kressel Housman
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
parents, even of little kids and babies
To me, the measure of a good parenting or psychology book is if it changes my life, and by that standard, this book was EXCELLENT. It divides parenting styles into three basic types: 1) brickwall = "My way OR ELSE"; 2) jellyfish = house rules are rarely and inconsistently applied; and 3) backbone = the right approach, flexible yet firm.
It was unpleasant to see what a jellyfish I've been, but while I was reading the book, I really felt myself developing backbone. The author gives specific ways yo...more
It was unpleasant to see what a jellyfish I've been, but while I was reading the book, I really felt myself developing backbone. The author gives specific ways yo...more
3 likes · like · see review
view 2 comments
Oct 14, 2012
Mark Schlatter
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
for-school,
interlibrary-loan
A few caveats:
1) I read an old edition.
2) I read this for school, so I was more interested in the basic philosophy (and how it might transfer to a classroom) than the parenting specifics, and thus...
3) ... I only read about half the book.
You can probably guess the tenor of the book from the number of quotes from spiritual sources and leaders (including about a dozen versions of the Golden Rule) --- Coloroso's emphasis is on the dignity of the parent and child. The focus is on encouragement and h...more
1) I read an old edition.
2) I read this for school, so I was more interested in the basic philosophy (and how it might transfer to a classroom) than the parenting specifics, and thus...
3) ... I only read about half the book.
You can probably guess the tenor of the book from the number of quotes from spiritual sources and leaders (including about a dozen versions of the Golden Rule) --- Coloroso's emphasis is on the dignity of the parent and child. The focus is on encouragement and h...more
‘Kids are worth it!” is an informative and functional parenting book. The main initiative of the book is to raise children to be confident self-disciplined and comfortable thinking for themselves. Through examples and stories, Coloroso gives suggestions and tools that offer children opportunities to make decisions and feel empowered. In her book Coloroso describes three different parenting philosophies and the importance in becoming ‘aware’ of the tools that lead to destruction, and tools that l...more
This book defines three types of families, which really put life with children in perspective. It is amazing the influence your own parents have on the way you do things...
I thought it was a great read. It made me feel really good about my parenting philosophy and the relationships I have with the kids. I am happy to say I am 90% "Backbone" parent. It also really defined my childhood (jellyfish).
I also related to one of the negative family types (brickwall), which explained the harm you can do...more
I thought it was a great read. It made me feel really good about my parenting philosophy and the relationships I have with the kids. I am happy to say I am 90% "Backbone" parent. It also really defined my childhood (jellyfish).
I also related to one of the negative family types (brickwall), which explained the harm you can do...more
1 like · like · see review
Aug 10, 2008
Maggie
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
anyone with kids.
Recommended to Maggie by:
Suzuki book club
Shelves:
suzuki-book-club
I haven't finished yet, but this book is by far the best parenting book I've ever read! It guides you how to teach your kids to make good decisions. It's not about controlling your kids. You need to teach them that they can handle anything life throws at them. This book shows you how to give them the tools from a very early age. FANTASTIC! I can't wait to read the chapter on sibling rivalry.
Can't say I got much out of this book. Its premise is a good one, and I appreciate the general advice about treating kids with dignity and respect even when correcting them - especially when correcting them.
But for a book on positive parenting, its tone is quite judgmental. The author classifies parenting styles into 3 types - two are horrid and the third is ideal. The problem with this approach, as I see it, is that not many people are going to want to identify with the exaggeratedly awful par...more
But for a book on positive parenting, its tone is quite judgmental. The author classifies parenting styles into 3 types - two are horrid and the third is ideal. The problem with this approach, as I see it, is that not many people are going to want to identify with the exaggeratedly awful par...more
2 likes · like · see review
Good overall book on parenting - I have read quite a few so there wasn't much new for me but I liked her approach in general. One complaint I had was that one of her long examples was about how to enforce that your kids make their bed even while respecting their right to their own space never gave any thought as to what reason to give your child as to why they should make their bed other than because the parent said so. This seemed counter to much of the rest of the book which emphasized choosin...more
A couple of times this book made me really mad. I think other people's (stupid) opinions about parenting do that to a lot of people. She just got my back up when she said that by not doing this you are ruining your kid. An example is that she said that overfeeding your infant is teaching them to not listen to their bodies and possibly develop eating disorders. Ahg! Sometimes you need to stuff your baby, so they will sleep for the babysitter. Also, you should know your infant, and if you think th...more
Recommended by a friend who says:
It's for kids of all ages and addresses self-esteem and inner discipline. I think in today's world so many kids struggle to feel good about themselves. The book incorporates some Love and Logic and other styles of parenting you may have read about. What I really like about it is that it's easy to read and is something you can easily work into your child's life. It helps children become resilient and resourceful and teaches you as parents how to empower your child...more
It's for kids of all ages and addresses self-esteem and inner discipline. I think in today's world so many kids struggle to feel good about themselves. The book incorporates some Love and Logic and other styles of parenting you may have read about. What I really like about it is that it's easy to read and is something you can easily work into your child's life. It helps children become resilient and resourceful and teaches you as parents how to empower your child...more
Within a few chapters of starting this book, I was already changing the way I parent. While we don't often need to punish our kids (luckily), we were resorting to a lot of bribing and negotiating to get things to happen. Coloroso explains why this isn't helping kids think for themselves or behave for the right reasons. It's actually not that hard to rephrase and change how I communicate, now that I'm aware of it. I also want to get my kids helping with chores more consistently now that I read th...more
I learned so much from this book. It has changed the way I treat my children. I give them ownership for the mistakes they make, and help them to feel okay about making those mistakes in the first place. I no longer believe that punishment has to include an element of "feeling bad" about what you did. Instead, I help them to fix the problem. But I don't rescue them, or clean up for them, like I did before.
Also, no more rewards! Threw out the sticker charts! Teaching them that they do things beca...more
Also, no more rewards! Threw out the sticker charts! Teaching them that they do things beca...more
Good book. Pretty much the same core idea behind it as Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, but probably a better main-stream pick for the harder-to-convince parents, especially those who came from and swear by a brickwall kind of family. Brickwall? You know: 'Our way or the highway' parents who gave out spankings and groundings freely. It actually describes the three common types of families: Brickwall (just mentioned), Jellyfish (there are two sub-types), and Backbone (the one you should s...more
Plan to re-read this book over time, too. She helped me understand respectful parenting in a broad, longterm perspective, from tot to teens.
By FAR one of the best parenting books on the market. And this revised edition - even better than the first!!!
1 like · like · see review
This book stands the test of time for me. My two sons are now 16 and 12 and I relied on this book to guide me when he was young. Not because I think everything here is gospel, but because the principles are sound and the advice within is pragmatic. Coloroso's moral grounding is quite similar to mine (pro-discipline, anti-punishment) and so I found the advice in this book easy to adhere to for the most part. Now that my boys are older, the groundwork has been done... but I anticipate that much mo...more
Love her and loved the book! It made me a better parent.
I actually think some of this book should be required reading for teachers!! The central thesis is that parents must always respect the inherent dignity of children when teaching and disciplining them. So, don't use methods of instruction or correction that would be upsetting or humiliating to an adult just because those methods were used on you, or just because your child can't fight back. The philosophy is wonderful, the book has practical examples, and now I just hope that I can live up to it...more
I found this to be an interesting look at how both parents and teachers can treat their children and students with respect. However, I think that parents could misinterpret when they begin to put Coloroso's parenting theories into practice. I could definitely see how some parents could use her ideas and feel that they are granting their child independence, when in reality they are being "jellyfish" parents by letting their child do whatever he or she wants in order to exert this "independence"....more
I could tell right away that I was going to like this book, because Coloroso includes quotes from wonderful authors like Alfi Kohn and Gavin De Becker. She advocates not treating children in a way that you yourself wouldn't want to be treated, and to only discipline using techniques that leave a kid's dignity in tact.
Some tips from this book:
When you have to criticize, criticize the problem, not the kid. An effective way to do this is to say, "That's not right" rather than "that's wrong." "That...more
Some tips from this book:
When you have to criticize, criticize the problem, not the kid. An effective way to do this is to say, "That's not right" rather than "that's wrong." "That...more
Sep 16, 2009
Jana
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
parents
Recommended to Jana by:
Barb Forsberg
I am finding such clarity here, and loving the whole idea of "inner discipline".
I rarely finish non-fiction works; I tend more often to scan them for the information I'm after...or get bored and set them aside. But I devoured every page of this book, and can confidently say it's the best parenting book I've read. It has helped us to set aside some of our differences with regard to discipline and find a healthier middle-ground.
She uses an anagram for her approach to creating consequences that I...more
I rarely finish non-fiction works; I tend more often to scan them for the information I'm after...or get bored and set them aside. But I devoured every page of this book, and can confidently say it's the best parenting book I've read. It has helped us to set aside some of our differences with regard to discipline and find a healthier middle-ground.
She uses an anagram for her approach to creating consequences that I...more
LOVED this book a lot and I highly recommend it to anyone who is a parent. It guides you how to teach your kids to make good decisions. It's about respectful & loving parenting, basically using the "golden rule" as a basis for parenting.
A rational, logical, thoughtful approach to discipline. This book just made so much SENSE! Combines a loving child-rearing philosophy with real-life practical examples of how to handle various situations with your children so that they grow up with a strong c...more
A rational, logical, thoughtful approach to discipline. This book just made so much SENSE! Combines a loving child-rearing philosophy with real-life practical examples of how to handle various situations with your children so that they grow up with a strong c...more
Jun 07, 2010
Ruby
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
aspiring mothers
Recommended to Ruby by:
friend from work
I am highly impressed with this book. The author was a nun who saw the pontential in having a family. I thought her ideas of parenting ideal. I thought her approach of making three different category types of parents useful. A controlling parent,strict,putting lots of pressure on your kid(Brick Wall) to the polar opposite she labels (Jelly fish). Someone who is lazy or inconsistent. The Backbone Parent tries to teach their child how to think for themselves and make good decisions without making...more
1 like · like · see review
Feb 05, 2010
Sera
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Parents
Recommended to Sera by:
Modern Mommies
I found this book to be unique in that it shows parents how to teach kids to build self-esteem while learning how to resolve conflict, stand up for injustice, handle chores, etc. There is so much that this book covers about raising children from the toddler to teen years that I'm sure that I will use it as a resource for many years. I also convinced my husband to read it, because there are many practical tools in the book that we can use as a family, and I'm curious to see what he thinks about t...more
Love it! Barbara Coloroso has been around 'forever' and I remember liking what she had to say about teaching when I was a teacher. This is her parenting classic;s he has about five others that are on my list to read. As would be expected, (and as I've found with other parenting authors I like like Alfie Kohn) I don't agree with absolutely everything she says, but most of it makes a whole lot of sense to me. So, those of you who teach or deal with kids may want to check her out.
I am halfway through this book right now, which means that the author has severely ripped apart my parenting style and I agree with her on almost all accounts. Now I just need to finish it so that I can get new ideas for the type of parent I want to be. My favorite idea from the book so far is, "it is my job to influence and empower, not to control or coerce." (That is also written on my bathroom mirror.)
This book is interesting to me as both a parent and a teacher. There are some chapters I'm definitely dog-earring for when my own kids hit their teen years. No-nonsense, practical advice that come from a place of love instead of rewards and punishments. Worth a read for parents, guardians, teachers, coaches, and anyone else who cares about working with kids, instead of trying to survive them.
I like some of her advice but definately didn't agree with all of it. Example: she suggests that when your teenage daughter asks you if she can go to a party where drinking will be involved and you don't want her to, she says to use the phrase "convince me"...doesn't that just mean, "come on, argue with me"? I don't know, I don't find her to be very realistic.
Removing the complete crap chapter about potty training and the paragraph in mealtime chapter that says "teach your children cultural or religious customs that have been in your families for years. And if you don't have any, create some of your own" the book would be great.
If you want to raise freethinkers there is no need to teach them obsolete customs like religious ones. The book gives a lot of examples and is easy to read and understand about parenting with discipline and without punishments...more
If you want to raise freethinkers there is no need to teach them obsolete customs like religious ones. The book gives a lot of examples and is easy to read and understand about parenting with discipline and without punishments...more
This book is so sensible and practical. It just felt 'right' when I was reading it. Coloroso' philosophy is something I can admire and work to incorporate. 'Pick your battles', 'let them live with consequences', 'keep them safe'....these are all things that make sense to me. I'd recommend this book to anyone raising children.
This is a popular book on how to raise children who will be well-balanced individuals who are able to discipline themselves, make smart choices, and more. While some of the parenting tips may seem common sense to some parents, it's a good book that drives the point home on making sure we raise our kids, not just shelter them.
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| This is a classic | 1 | 9 | Nov 12, 2008 02:09pm |
Barbara Coloroso is the author of the international bestseller Kids Are Worth It! and Parenting Through Crisis and is an acclaimed speaker on parenting, teaching, conflict, resolution, and grieving. Featured in Time, the New York Times, and on many radio and television shows, she lives with her husband in Littleton, Colorado.
More about Barbara Coloroso...
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