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You Are Worthless: Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure to Ruin Your Day
You Are Worthless is the self-help book from hell. This bracing blast of negativity takes aim at the impossibly cheerful "inspirational self-help" books flooding the market and hits the bullseye, with chapters such as "Your Good-for-Nothing Friends," "Your Miserable Job," and "Life: What's the Use?"
This hilarious parody collects hun
...morePaperback, 240 pages
Published
September 1st 1999
by Andrews McMeel Publishing
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This book is hilarious! I re-read it every so often just for pure enjoyment. Presented as a self-help book by a terribly depressed therapist, You Are Worthless gives helpful truisms such as, "It is better to have loved and lost than to have hot needles slowly driven into your eyeballs" as well as life advice like, "Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God."
Hilariously depressi...more
Hilariously depressi...more
Rather hilarious so far! "Love feels like being stabbed in the back with an ice pick." How can you not laugh?
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I enjoyed this book so much I purchased my own copy. Ostensibly penned by the world's worst psychologist, You are Worthless parodies all of those dull self-help books that crowd bookstore shelves. It features bon mots like "You often say that you're not doing exactly what you want to be doing with your life. You will continue saying this until you die." and "Love conquers all, rapes all, pillages all, and leaves all for dead." Clearly, a certain brand of humor is required to ...more
Scott Dikkers is one of the greats of American humor. He's editor-in-chief of The Onion--that should say it all--and his defunct Jim's Journal is the Velvet Underground of comic strips: not many people loved it, but everyone who did was inspired to create a strip of his own. And he wrote You Are Worthless.
You Are Worthless aims to take you down a peg, and like in the best Onion articles, the joking truth cuts so close you wince in recognition. The book is a parody of self-help tripe,...more
You Are Worthless aims to take you down a peg, and like in the best Onion articles, the joking truth cuts so close you wince in recognition. The book is a parody of self-help tripe,...more
Your friends say they like you, but really they only like how they feel around you. You barely figure into the equation at all." (36)
Stop and think about why you’re doing all this for your kids. Basically, it’s so they can grow up and have kids of their own. It’s an unforgiving, ridiculous cycle. What’s the point? (118)
“You are an ATM machine, a bus driver, a landlord that offers free rent, a cook, a cleaning lady, and a nurse. But first and foremost, you are a chump. (1...more
Stop and think about why you’re doing all this for your kids. Basically, it’s so they can grow up and have kids of their own. It’s an unforgiving, ridiculous cycle. What’s the point? (118)
“You are an ATM machine, a bus driver, a landlord that offers free rent, a cook, a cleaning lady, and a nurse. But first and foremost, you are a chump. (1...more
A great read for a bad day. Not for anyone that doesn't appreciate dark humor. There are definitely a few parts that are over the top, but overall HILARIOUS. Where else can you get a comparison of sex to a chocolate chip cookie? Or great motivational phrases to get you ready to go to work "You would like to think you're hardworking, but let's face it: Two or three hours after you get up in the morning, you're ready to pack it in"
This book is essentially a collection of terrible things (and occasionally brutally honest things) to say to a person. I take it out and read a chapter any time I need cheering up. You can open up to any random page and find something to laugh at. It's a parody of an inspirational self help book. Scott Dikkers uses the book as a means of laughing at how seriously we take ourselves sometimes and aims to take us down a peg...or five. It's hysterical and downright mean; including inspirational quot...more
My sister bought this for me, but made me promise not to let my dad see it, because he would get angry about it. The book is hilarious. Regarding dogs: "If your dog was just a little bit larger, it would kill you and eat you." Regarding cats: "If you have a cat, that means you've got a box of crap in your house."
this book was given to me as a birthday gift... I love it because it is the antithesis of a self help book. It satarizes them and tries to drive the reader to suicide. If you are not dark and twisty- you will probably think its mean- but I loved it.
My favorites:
your genitals are hideous.
Your exes probably got over you fairly easily.
My favorites:
your genitals are hideous.
Your exes probably got over you fairly easily.
Could have been funnier but still a good thing to keep around the coffee table for anyone with a sob story.
Best Valentine's Day present, ever!
So funny but sometimes repetitive.
Freakin hilarious. Whenever I am down- i am guaranteed a good laugh. Warning- some have been highly offended by it. People need to lighten up.
Quotes include:
"You know those beer commercials where all those really good friends are getting together to drink & they're all super good looking & seem to be incredibly close? Fess up, you don't have any friends like that."
Quotes include:
"You know those beer commercials where all those really good friends are getting together to drink & they're all super good looking & seem to be incredibly close? Fess up, you don't have any friends like that."
funny, if not a shade too depressing:
"Your friends say they like you, but really they only like how they feel around you. You barely figure into the equation at all."
"No matter how much you think you love someone or trust someone, know this: Between you and everyone else on this planet there is a dark, infinite chasm that can never be crossed." bah ha ha!
"Your friends say they like you, but really they only like how they feel around you. You barely figure into the equation at all."
"No matter how much you think you love someone or trust someone, know this: Between you and everyone else on this planet there is a dark, infinite chasm that can never be crossed." bah ha ha!
This has to be the funniest book I've ever read. It was written by some of The Onion people, so that kind of gives you an idea. Some chick borrowed it from me and never gave it back. I have not forgiven her.
Even if you're not a fan of The Onion, you can appreciate this book. When you're having a really bad day, just read one page from this book. You'll immediately feel better.
oh, this one makes me laugh. open up to any page and something funny will be there, waiting for you. it speaks to my kind of humor, but it may not be for you.
A seriously funny book. You cant take this book too serious because it will just piss you off. lol.
One of the funnier books one can leave laying on the coffee table, guaranteed to make guests weep in despair.
so fucking funny- it makes me laugh no matter if it pertains to me or not.
Has to be cathartic ultimately, right?
Molly
marked it as to-read
Jen
marked it as to-read
Dvpane
marked it as to-read
Charlie
marked it as to-read
Jennifer
marked it as to-read
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“Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.”
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“A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends.”
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