Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality

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Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality

3.43 of 5 stars 3.43 · rating details · 139 ratings · 38 reviews

Whether sharing photos or following financial markets, many of us spend a shocking amount of time online. While the Internet can enhance well-being, Elias Aboujaoude has spent years treating patients whose lives have been profoundly disturbed by it. Part of the danger lies in how the Internet allows us to act with exaggerated confidence, sexiness, and charisma. This new se...more

Hardcover, 351 pages

Published February 7th 2011 by W. W. Norton & Company

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Apr 05, 2012 Kana rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobook, educational-or-textbook, tech-or-security, stand-back-im-doing-science

Summary
This is the clinical observation and chronological document of..the history of the internet and it's direct psychological impact on humans.
Actually that's a pretty accurate description. The author/doctor has done alot of research (though I noticed some details were either missing important aspects or were wrong), but his take on it is very sterile. This is a doctor who found himself faced with several patients who's mental disorders and psychological issues had a direct correlation with...more Summary
This is the clinical observation and chronological document of..the history of the internet and it's direct psychological impact on humans.
Actually that's a pretty accurate description. The author/doctor has done alot of research (though I noticed some details were either missing important aspects or were wrong), but his take on it is very sterile. This is a doctor who found himself faced with several patients who's mental disorders and psychological issues had a direct correlation with their e-personalities or online persona's.
To me, the book covers a nostalgic era. But it's pretty clear, that the author/doctor is very disappointed with the virtual age. He feels it's a detrimental to the human race and contributes to an even larger array of mental illness. And whereas, I agree that with technology, we now have more options to be go crazy in. I don't necessarily feel that technology is an evil that we should blame and hide from. It's not the technology, it's how we use it, it's us. We are the ones that keep finding new and amusing ways of going insane and disassociating ourselves with reality.
The book just comes off as a bitter doctor who has to deal with a problem he doesn't fully understand. He's on the side line watching this parade and keeps complaining that the float keeps slinging mud on his shoes.
And yet, the further into the book you get, the more bitter he feels because he's being virtually shunned by his boss' lack of friending him on Facebook. Or his criticism of her password choices. (Did it occur to him that the reason she picked such a password is because it wasn't expected? Not like the passwords he suggested. But anyway...) Or how slighted he feels if an email he sends on Friday, doesn't get a response by Sunday.
Again, it's an interesting read. It forces you to look at situations from a very clinical point of view, and be much more aware of how you conduct yourself online. But his distaste for the topic comes through very clearly. I don't necessarily disagree with his findings, but I don't think it's a reason to 'log off' of my virtual life, as he tries to steer you. I think we as a society just need to self monitor and regulate how wildly we behave. And stop being stupid. (less)

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Jul 05, 2012 Ryan Holiday rated it 4 of 5 stars

Books of this ilk almost exclusively blow, which I guess makes how good this one is even more impressive. The premise of Virtually You is that the costs of the internet are felt away from the computer, far enough away that often we fail to recognize the link. It's a pretty straightforward book--he pinpoints five negative psychological forces enabled by the web and each gets a chapter: Grandiosity, Narcissism, Darkness, Regression, and Impulsivity. The point isn't that these things happen online,...more

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May 08, 2011 David rated it 2 of 5 stars

Frames various negative aspects of the Internet in personality dysfunction terms (e.g., propensity to fire off ill-advised emails when intoxicated or just without giving sufficient thought to impact = impulsivity; describing yourself in inflated terms in a craigslist personals ad = narcissism, etc.).

In many instances it's impossible to disagree with his conclusions -- being able to bet on stuff or order stuff online facilitates compulsive gambling and shopping; ignoring your actual relationships...more Frames various negative aspects of the Internet in personality dysfunction terms (e.g., propensity to fire off ill-advised emails when intoxicated or just without giving sufficient thought to impact = impulsivity; describing yourself in inflated terms in a craigslist personals ad = narcissism, etc.).

In many instances it's impossible to disagree with his conclusions -- being able to bet on stuff or order stuff online facilitates compulsive gambling and shopping; ignoring your actual relationships to spend tremendous amounts of time on Second Life is self-destructive and antisocial.....--but the book nevertheless didn't work well for me. I think the main reasons were:

1. Author's humorlessness and cultural elitism -- he's upset that some dancing baby on YouTube gets more hits than Nuryev. So what? I'm sure Britney Spears has received more AM radio play than Bruce Springsteen --- doesn't mean radio is a noxious force in society.

2. General lack of a sense of proportion. For example, he comes through a convoluted series of events to find out his doctor-boss's personal email password is "DoctorBitch" and was apparently extremely taken aback by this discovery. He features this incident on the inside front cover and for about as much of the text as that cyberbullying suicide case in which the mom pretended to be a hot boy, lured in her daughter's rival and then harassed/berated her to the point that the target killed herself. I understand it's an undignified password, and if the occasion arose that I had to reveal it to a coworker I'd be embarrassed, but is this really that big a deal?

3. Nothing he can do about it really, but a lot of it was too familiar already to warrant extended treatment in a book. People download a lot of porn -- twitter messages are often trivial -- you can waste a lot of time on facebook keeping up with "friends" who aren't close friends. I guess if you'd been on a camping trip with no access to newspapers, television, or computer for the last 15 years or so, these observations would be fresh.

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Apr 04, 2011 Daniel Solera rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: culture-sociology, psychology

This is the third and last review in my “Dangers of New Technologies” series. When I put together my order for Nicholas Carr’s and Sherry Turkle’s books, Virtually You was the most recommended by Amazon, so in the cart it went. It more closely approximates Nicholas Carr’s style and focus but takes a broader brush and discusses the issue more horizontally. Rather than concentrate solely on neuroscience, he tackles the effect of the internet on our psyche, interpersonal relationships, learning sty...more This is the third and last review in my “Dangers of New Technologies” series. When I put together my order for Nicholas Carr’s and Sherry Turkle’s books, Virtually You was the most recommended by Amazon, so in the cart it went. It more closely approximates Nicholas Carr’s style and focus but takes a broader brush and discusses the issue more horizontally. Rather than concentrate solely on neuroscience, he tackles the effect of the internet on our psyche, interpersonal relationships, learning style and overall behavior. In fact, if I were to pick a different sequence for how I read these three books, I might have placed this one first.

The book’s author, Elias Aboujaoude is psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and impulse control disorders. His central thesis states that the internet has developed a sort of online Mr. Hyde out of the millions of Dr. Jekyll’s that use the internet on a daily basis. By combining the internet’s vast troves of information with the privilege of anonymity and its ability to remove physical substance from such things as people, money and sex, we develop a sort of online persona that is an exaggeration of our actual, offline selves. He puts it best, I believe, in psychoanalytical terms:

“… tendencies toward self-aggrandizement, dark thoughts, impulsivity and infantile regression – we are all capable of exhibiting all of these qualities simultaneously or in succession. The part of our psyche that usually reins in these instincts – what psychoanalysts have traditionally called the superego – finds a worthy competitor in the Internet-assisted id, with its infantile self-centeredness and its dark dreams that demand to be satisfied” (286).

The fact that the internet creates a space in which we can be instantly gratified can have its deleterious effects in the offline world, making us more impulsive, impatient and crass. The rise of such practices as speed dating show how many people have lost confidence in the long-term process of truly getting to know a person, in addition to illustrating how little time we have to do it. By making all transactions virtual, consequences seem to vanish from online purchases. Privacy is quickly becoming a luxury thanks to cloud computing and crawlers indexing all internet content every few seconds. People are more likely to be uncharacteristically demanding or even caustic in emails because they don’t have to face the person directly to issue the message. And we’ve all seen enough forums and YouTube comments to know that most online debates end in absurdly cruel ad hominem attacks on individual users.

Aboujaoude’s book does not condemn the internet, as much as this review may sound like it. He does acknowledge the boon it has been for the acquisition of knowledge. However, he, like Carr and Turkle, proceeds with extreme caution and advises the reader to do so as well. Though the book is an interesting case of Ariadne’s web (the book often reads like a primer on the Internet and how to use it), it’s a great place to gather one’s bearings about the dark side of constant connectivity and social media.(less)

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Sep 16, 2012 Darby rated it 1 of 5 stars

If you're already convinced the internet will lead to the downfall of civilization, this book is for you. If you're a fan of the outdated theories of Freud, read on. But if you want a good, scientifically-based work that examines the impact of our online lives, look elsewhere.

This book is full of theories posited, but never supported, by the author. By far, the most common word found in this book is "may," as in "the Internet MAY cause this" or "that MAY be a result of time spent online." The au...more

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Mar 15, 2011 Jonathan B rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: psychology

This book focuses on the negative or dangerous aspects of our digital lives. Aboujaoude shows how the internet can foster things like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (even creating new forms of OCD that don't exist in the "real world") an unrealistic sense of entitlement, narcissism, a false sense of security, greater inclination toward immoral behavior (e.g., rudeness and name calling in online discussion), and a false sense of knowledge among other things.

It's important to realize that Aboujaoud...more This book focuses on the negative or dangerous aspects of our digital lives. Aboujaoude shows how the internet can foster things like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (even creating new forms of OCD that don't exist in the "real world") an unrealistic sense of entitlement, narcissism, a false sense of security, greater inclination toward immoral behavior (e.g., rudeness and name calling in online discussion), and a false sense of knowledge among other things.

It's important to realize that Aboujaoude *does not* say that the internet or our digital lives in general only (or primarily) produces these undesirable effects. This isn't a crazy attack on technology that tries to persuade us to cancel our internet subscriptions and turn off the computer. He acknowledges the many benefits of the internet (e.g., online dating) while focusing on the dangerous and harmful elements that can arise in these same areas. This is important, because the dangerous elements are often insidious and, so far, little attention or study has been given these "dangerous powers."

This book should be required reading for young people today. Actually, it should be required reading for everyone in our digital society. But the things that Elias Aboujaoude has to say in this book need to be heard early on as preventative and not just corrective--after we've already logged enough time online to develop our dangerous e-personality. Unfortunately, as the author points out, there are few, if any, classes in high-school or at the college level that address the issues this book does, despite having many mandatory computer courses. There needs to be more classes that are devoted to the ethics and psychology of our digital lives and this book should be the text-book.

"Virtually You" is thought provoking and will make you take a step back and analyze your online life and how it may be effecting your offline life (Aboujaoude argues that it does). And if that's all the book does for you then it's worth its price. (The book is also filled with interesting case studies that should keep any reader's interest peeked.)(less)

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Jan 09, 2013 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book makes a lot of excellent points about our online identities and how they can change us. He discussed a lot of the upsetting phenomenon I've seen and participated in very well. I found a lot of his hypotheses interesting, although I do not necessarily agree with the conclusions he came to.

I was disgusted when he said that teen boys shared a consensual (and reciprocal) shirtless photo of teen girls online because "boys will be boys." Those boys were responsible for choosing to share a p...more

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Aug 22, 2011 Gypsy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: medical-sciences, non-fiction

The title of the book almost turned me off of the book; it had that annoying "Internet is bad" tone of voice that one might expect from some computer illiterate overly concerned elders. Since I constantly remind myself to NOT form strong opinions one way or the other about ANYTHING without at least experiencing it first, and I do like learning new ideas & different perspectives, I decided to read the book even though the title was a bit off-putting to me.
I’m very glad I did, because the book...more

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Oct 11, 2012 Tiffany rated it 4 of 5 stars

Extraordinary insight into the way our virtual "selves" can take on a life of their own, and even spill over into our non-virtual world. This is a timely discussion for our day, where we are not only spending more and more time online but also changing the way we relate to ourselves and other people. I appreciated his balanced view - the point is not to remove technology from our lives but instead to learn how to live with it. Being aware of the danger can help us to set the right boundaries and...more

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Apr 04, 2011 Carrie O'Maley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Aboujaoude, a California psychiatrist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder, presents perhaps one of the best written books (one of the only?) on the dangers of society's Internet dependence. Although he presents studies and uses some medical terminology, this book is very readable and even enjoyable. He gives real-life examples of the ways in which Internet addiction has affected people--breaking up relationships and pulling people away from reality. He touches on the differences in...more

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Jul 03, 2011 Chris Friend rated it 3 of 5 stars

Like many other reviewers here, I read this title along with Turkle’s Alone Together and Carr’s The Shallows. Of the three, this author seems more casual at times than the other two, resorting to nearly flippant stinger remarks to end paragraphs. Surprisingly, I was also the impression that this author included less direct research than the other two—surprising because Aboujaoude is a practicing psychologist while Carr is a writer with no opportunity for his own research work.

The author takes a...more

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Sep 20, 2011 Mia rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: man-and-his-machines

Of Facebook: "We let everyone know we were fans of Starbucks, 'Battlestar Gallactica,' and pants." (In unrelated news, why is the word "pants" so funny?)

Ah, the chapter about how we read on the internet (apparently we don't) was disheartening. We "scan" or--what's worse?--"power scan." (That latter connotes a very unlovely protein shake). Aboujaoude is a reductive sort of shrink (and sometimes a reductive sort of thinker!), throwing around invocations to the id and ego in a way that seemed a bit...more

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Feb 06, 2011 jen8998 rated it 4 of 5 stars

The second book on this theme that I've read recently, Aboujaoude focuses on problems associated with excessive use of internet/social media. He posits that social media use creates a virtual you, a part of you freed from the usual inhibitions and mores of everyday life. He suggests that this virtual you promotes narcissism, impulsivity, morbid preoccupations, and a jarring lack of empathy. The author runs an OCD clinic specializing in individuals struggling with various addictions to internet,...more

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May 05, 2011 Inunn56 rated it 5 of 5 stars

Like Nicholas Carr's The Shallows,the author explores the personal effects of the online persona one unconsciously forms. The apparent freedom of the internet and our increasing interaction with it has unintended consequences. Some of them are the loss of attention span, enhanced grandiosity, increased impulsiveness, loss of necessary authority in the mastery of subject matter, inability to depth read and, the fragmentation of identity.
For anyone interested in the interplay of ethics and tech...more

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Jan 03, 2013 Mike Caulfield rated it 1 of 5 stars

Ugh. Interested in compulsivity and the internet. Thought this book might give me some insight. Unfortunately it's more a stream of consciousness editorial on the internet as the root of all evil. When the author talks about things I'm fairly knowledgeable about (like the root causes of the dot com bubble) he's wrong, which gives me very little confidence in his assessments elsewhere.

Luckily, this book reminded me that I should ditch stuff like this and read more Postman. So I'm reading Amusing...more

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May 09, 2011 Tara Brabazon rated it 2 of 5 stars

A weird one. This book, written by a psychiatrist, investigates obsessive compulsive disorders in the online environment. The usual suspects - porn, gambling, social isolation, shopping - are present. But I am interested in how the loss of reflection and contemplation impacts on online behaviour. Anonymity and the consequences of it online are quite interesting discussions in the monograph.

My worry is that this book medicalizes particular behaviours rather than suggesting that different choices...more

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Oct 03, 2011 Abdulaziz Fagih rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: computer-science, science-and-engineering-books, social-science-books, other

I can see this book getting to star but I choose to gives it only one and that for a quit good reason. The book is well written and easy to read but that all it is this book is made of pure paranoia and lack of understanding of the people using the internet.

When I first picked this book it was for a reason but after reading few chapters I noticed the trends in the book and I understood I was fooled when I picked it up.

When I saw the title and the subject of the book I was immediately interested...more

I can see this book getting to star but I choose to gives it only one and that for a quit good reason. The book is well written and easy to read but that all it is this book is made of pure paranoia and lack of understanding of the people using the internet.

When I first picked this book it was for a reason but after reading few chapters I noticed the trends in the book and I understood I was fooled when I picked it up.

When I saw the title and the subject of the book I was immediately interested as I truly noticed the problem in the internet user and when I start reading the TOC I was convinced that this guy truly managed to holds on the problems.

But instead he start discussing an extreme freaks problems and try to convince the reader that the freaks effect is actually are consuming us and these effect are true on every one but has different level effect. He then starts constructing the mentality of the internet user using the freaks example, some extreme cases and some observation he made about the internet community but as soon as you start reading these analysis you understand that he’s truly are just another shallow user who a actually know nothing about the internet community and cyber life. He’s just another cave man who is trying to make sense of something he truly doesn’t understand. He actually can’t even differentiate between the problem restricted on the internet and the problems that actually common to every thing else and that what make this book even worse

But I like to be fair to the writer and say that two of the chapters in book (the one that talking about sex and the one talking about the end of privacy) are quit good but still you feel all the paranoia and dooms days mentality the author use lingering around every where.

I’m here are not trying to clam that the psychiatric skill for the the Author are lacking I’m just stating that his knowledge regarding this subject are lacking and extremely paranoid.

What made me even more convinced that I should give this book one star is that the Author feels like he’s just another doomsday prophet who’s trying to warn the world of its coming demise.
(less)

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Mar 08, 2011 Jac rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

This one is worth checking out. Some of this is information I already knew, but hadn't really stopped to process (something Aboujaoude talks about as a result of this virtual age). What I appreciate most is that although the author gives some extreme examples, he is writing the book for the average internet user. He is not advocating disconnecting our lives altogether, but rather points out the dangers of living in a world inundated with the internet and technology. This book has certainly inspi...more

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Nov 17, 2011 Hadrian rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: technology, nonfiction, psychology-and-cognition

At some points, this book ventures into Luddism and snobbery, but some facets and observations ring true - people can act completely differently when they are not held accountable for their actions, and the internet acts as a veil of anonymity. The Internet is truly addictive - again, no surprise. MMOs, online shopping, and online gambling are already big suspects for this. Some neat observations, but I kept getting the impression of mountains from molehills.

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Mar 31, 2011 Elaine rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is an engrossing, provocative read. Too bad the author assumes everyone is an educated, middle-class office worker. Nevertheless, his observations regarding the seductive forces of the virtual world and how those forces can suck our brains right out of our real lives are at times pretty scary. Odd that I found myself inclined to defend cyberspace now and then--when in so many ways I'm not a fan.

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Nov 27, 2011 Rhonda rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: professional-reads

Well written and readable. The author, a psychiatrist who specializes in OCDC and impulse control with expertise in digital media may be more prone to see the problems and issues that exist in use of the Internet, social networking, virtual worlds, etc. Certainly those issues make good copy. Another book could be written on the benefits of the same digital media.

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Jun 17, 2012 Margaret Sankey rated it 2 of 5 stars

Reading the comments for any article delivers Exhibit A that people will write things that they would probably hesitate to spout off in person--Aboujaoude, a neuroscientist, explains how this happens (echo chambers, increased impulsivity, etc.) and studied brainscans to document the transformation of people into tiresome online assholes.

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Jun 03, 2012 Armand rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012

This book offered me some new insights into the problems technology is and will bring, however I found the writing style similar to that of an expository essay. It was definitely an interesting read, but one should embark upon it with an open mind and patience with the occasional blandness here and there.

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Jan 03, 2012 Allison rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non

An interesting look at our online lives. After reading (online) articles about how the Internet has changed through the years - going from using screen names and hiding real identities to NEEDING real identities to prove you're human - this is a look at the other side of things. How much information are you putting out there about yourself? What can people find out about you, and how will they use that information? I think the book might be a little more geared towards safety in regards to ident...more

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Jun 27, 2011 Joe rated it 4 of 5 stars

Everybody should read this...and then review all the e-mails and facebook posts and online habits people have...very interesting information to help make sense of people and their e-personalities

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Aug 26, 2012 Sinistmer rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: nifty-non-fiction

Well-researched and organized--this book made me consider my own habits and relation to the Internet. If you're at all interested in the effects of the Internet upon individuals, this book is definitely worth a read.

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Aug 11, 2011 John Crane rated it 2 of 5 stars

One of the worst psychology books I have read. I was hoping for more research - but it is a lot of rambling on about personal thoughts and observations. I fear that many people could have written this book - psychologist or not. Very disappointed. I was hoping for something better.

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Apr 07, 2011 Alisa rated it 2 of 5 stars

Recommended to Alisa by: Alberta

Shelves: non-fiction

Parts were interesting, parts were dull, and the overall feeling I have is "meh". Maybe it's because I rate so low on the "internet addiction test" that I really can't relate. Maybe because I don't know anyone who has a completely different 'virtual self'; for whatever reason I don't quite believe the author's premise.

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May 14, 2011 Mary added it · review of another edition

I'm stepping back to take a look at my online personality. This book scared me , a little.

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Nov 06, 2011 Cisop Sixpence rated it 3 of 5 stars

I'd rate this 3.5 stars. It made many good points and several that I could personally relate to. While at times it painted anything that makes up the virtual you as bad, it also made it clear that those are extremes, and that being virtual can actual help people. It also covers examples of TMI on the Internet that can come back and haunt you.

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