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By Myself

3.96 of 5 stars 3.96 · rating details · 1,891 ratings · 68 reviews

"In a word, LAUREN BACALL BY MYSELF is terrific...one of the real-life heroines of our time...and she wrote this book as she lived it."
BOSTON GLOBE
"She's a real Joe. You'll fall in love with her like everybody else."
-Humphrey Bogart

Mass Market Paperback, 512 pages

Published April 12th 1984 by Ballantine Books (first published 1978)

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Mar 06, 2013 Sparrow rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir-biography, reviewed

One of my friends made fun of me for a little while yesterday because he saw me walking down the street laughing to myself. Fittingly, I was laughing to myself about the smartass comments I was planning to make to him about how rude it was that he didn’t offer to give me a ride. This book makes me think of that because of how easily I can entertain myself by thinking about a better comeback, a funnier joke, or a snappier ending to a story I already told. Reading this was sort of like reading everything Lauren Bacall wished she’d said to people her entire life.

It is not as entertaining to hear someone else’s would-have-saids as it is to hear my own.

The other issue I have with this book is that it falls into this ditch of crappy storytelling wherein she recounts the overall events that happened throughout entire years, but without any actual story. “Then we went to Paris, then we stayed at a hotel, then a lot of people got malaria, then my mom said something wise, then somebody went to the doctor.” I think every other sentence should have been edited out, and the remaining elaborated into actual stories with dialogue and descriptions. This was maybe the longest short book I've ever read. Mostly a slog.

I am giving this three stars, though, because there were two parts that I thought were really interesting, beautiful, and well told. The first was the courtship between her and Bogart, and the second was his death. I actually really loved the way she talked about Bogie’s death. It was incredibly sad and very beautiful, and at that point it seemed to unfold that the whole book had been leading up to that moment in her life. In a lot of ways, it seemed like her life became somewhat defined by mourning him.

I have had a few friends who strongly identify with Lauren Bacall, or at least her movie persona, and I have never felt that. The same with Audrey Hepburn. It seems nice, to me, for a girl to identify with women who are so elegant and graceful, but still with humor, but I am not one of them. Lena Dunham is definitely my girl. I guess I thought going into this memoir that despite her outward dissimilarity to me, there would be some kind of sympathy of spirit between Lauren Bacall and me. Whether that reflects well or badly on me, that was not the case.

The disconnect for me happened in that Bacall seemed really focused on affirming traditional values of finding a man to take care of her and devoting herself to her children, but also her career was obviously intensely important to her identity. While she was married to Bogie, according to Bacall, he was pretty clear that work should be second and he should be the priority. She was happy to agree to that. And after he died, she talked a lot about still having hope that she would find a man to take care of her. But, then, there were these times when someone would be dying, her kids would be failing at school, and she’d decide to go to Paris for a month to hang out. That kind of freaks me out because I feel like if you are really skilled as a caregiver and want to devote yourself to caring for kids and dudes, fine. But, if you aren’t, and you are skilled as an actress, don’t pretend you’re something else just to try to fit in. That bugs me. Play to your strengths.

I’m not questioning her love for her kids or husbands or lovers at all. I’m just saying I felt like my sense of who she was got all fogged up by this agenda she had to prove that she was somehow a nurturing person. And the fact that she was rarely there when something important happened to her family sort of belied the idea that she was devoted to nurturing. I have zero problem with her being skilled at other things than nurturing, and I think a person’s nurturing skills have very little to do with how much they love their family, but I got the sense that she had a problem with her skills lying elsewhere and wanted to sell herself as a nurturer. That was where I couldn’t identify with her.

It did seem like there were a couple of times where she could have been there for her family, but was at a party or in another country, or something. I couldn’t really get a good sense of it, though, because a lot of that seemed like she might have been too hard on herself and feeling some kind of survivor guilt for not being there every second of every family member’s life. Ultimately, I think it is a flaw in the book that I am distracted by not having a sense of whether she was there for her family or mostly at parties. It made me kind of curious what they would have said. What I mean is that I appreciate it when people are accurate about their own skills. I don't mean complaining, like, "I'm ugly" or "Everybody hates me" because those are not possible, and are only feelings, not accurate descriptions. I mean, like, "I am good at cooking and bad at gardening." I feel like those things build who a character is, even if the character is as complex as a real human, and I didn't get a solid sense of Bacall as a character.

I guess, Bacall's appearance and presentation is harsh and independent, but she describes herself as being soft and dependent. I am the opposite of that. I look like a helpless child, but really more of a jerk.

But, she did fall in love with a lot of married men, and I can identify with that. People are always getting married.(less)

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Aug 01, 2007 Gloria rated it 5 of 5 stars

Lauren Ball is most known for her acting (The Big Sleep, To Have and Have Not), but she is also a natural, gifted writer.

I really got a sense for what it was like growing up in New York in the '30s. She was raised by a single mom and her mom's supportive Jewish family and she really is a great example of how "It takes a village" to raise a child. Of course she also tells of meeting Bogie, falling in love with him, marrying him and of their life together and theirs was definitely the real deal.

On...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Haralambi Markov rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

As of late I’ve been enjoying Lauren Bacall’s cheery, bubbly autobiography “By Myself” and I don’t want the book to end, but I’m crawling slowly to the finish line. The end is near, but I decided to voice my thoughts as they come to me. It’s different than my critical approach to a work and I don’t believe that there is something to get out of a biography thinking critically about it, not the way you would do a novel.

Obviously, “By Myself” is geared towards a different generation, whose members...more As of late I’ve been enjoying Lauren Bacall’s cheery, bubbly autobiography “By Myself” and I don’t want the book to end, but I’m crawling slowly to the finish line. The end is near, but I decided to voice my thoughts as they come to me. It’s different than my critical approach to a work and I don’t believe that there is something to get out of a biography thinking critically about it, not the way you would do a novel.

Obviously, “By Myself” is geared towards a different generation, whose members have been at one point exposed to the names bombed heavily through the book’s pages. Through some of my American pop-culture exposure, I have recognized almost half the names Bacall lists at any given time, but since the Boggart-Bacall family had an active social life, it’s inevitable. I don’t know so much, because it just gives me other personalities from the past to explore.

What drew me in “By Myself” was the cover art, which demanded my attention the second I laid my eyes on it and as with “Wild Swans” the book was a gamble on my part and another good pick. I guess I’m born with the intuition to judge good books by their extraordinary titles [in this case, the author’s name and the book’s title are switched, which I, at first, understood as the book being titled “Lauren Bacall” and that the ‘by myself’ bit was a hint that it was an autobiography written by the actress herself – hopefully without the aid of a ghost writer] and cover art. While I do believe that there is something noble in seeking beauty wrapped in rags, I deny that my epidermis shifts with waves of pleasure when I hold brilliance pampered and styled for the privilege of being in my hands. What can I say? I’m an egoist when it comes to the reading experience.

“By Myself” entertains me, because the Hollywood glory days have some indescribable sway over my imagination. My definition of class and pedigree [even people’s vices at the time had class] is visually anchored in the 1950s, despite the locale. To be honest, some of the classiest people in Bulgarian public life, of stage, music and screen rose to prominence during the 50s and 60s, despite communism’s long and over-extending shadow. To be introduced to a point of view, which has experienced those days firsthand, is thrilling to me as a reader. To have my Peeping Tom tendencies tickled, oh what joy.

Lauren Bacall is a sympathetic voice. I adore every chipper and honest sound she creates with her persona. If America can boast with sweethearts, then Lauren Bacall would be one of them, but let’s track back to the sounds and the book. It’s rarely that I ‘hear’. I either experience the wonders of ‘hallucinations’ reading or feel through every page. This is the first book to have me imagine the voice of the author and narrate every sentence to me. I think that this method of reading was enhanced by the fact that I couldn’t place any faces to names as I’m probably the worst physiognomist in the world. The only other option for me was to direct my mind in a different direction. I’m saying this a reader, it’s fun to re-invent the act of reading. You get something more, something else and unknown, if you fine tune your perception and approach any work in a distinct way. I guess that’s also a reason why people tend to re-read, but this is topic for another post.

Last, but not least, the rise and fall of any artistic soul is relatable to every other. It makes no difference, if you are a dancer, writer, singer, painter, sculptor or actor as the case is, feelings of anxiety, fear, hope, pleasure and love for the craft are universal. It’s uplifting to read about the success of a talented and pure human being and dream that the big break is right around the corner. I also assume that readers, who have been through the ups and down career-wise can relate to Bacall’s hurdles and struggles. All in all, I’m happy(less)

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Aug 25, 2012 Kim rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction

I found this book at a library in the mid 90s. You'll still find a lot of great books at your public library, and specifically memoirs & biographies, so I encourage you to look for it there if you don't want to buy it. This is a good book for persons who want to read about old hollywood, and Ms. Bacall's interactions with those persons she came to know, as well as information about her own life as an actor. It's not a good book for persons who want to know about the author's life as a wife a...more

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Oct 23, 2010 Kimberly rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiographies

The red cover of this book caught my eye as I perused a table of used books at a local library sale. When I picked it up for closer inspection and discovered it was an autobiography by Lauren Bacall, I had to have it. I watched many movies of the 30's, 40's and 50's with my mother during my adolescence in the 70's and 80's. Most of them on television when we were lucky enough to catch them on a channel (one of 7) that featured them on Sunday afternoons. In this manner of watching, I was not priv...more

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Aug 31, 2009 Christine Brennen-leigh rated it 4 of 5 stars

A good book. I've always been a big Lauren Bacall fan and it was interesting reading about her life and how she always knew she wanted to act. I knew she married young to Humphrey Bogart, a man 25 years her senior, but to read about her love affair made it all the more heartbreaking to read about Bogie's death 11 years later. Ok, I sobbed when he died. I also sobbed a few chapters later when Lauren's mother and best friend died.

All in all a well written book, although it could have been edited...more

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Jan 02, 2009 Lanni Isenberg rated it 4 of 5 stars

Definitely a memoir of epic proportions! Seems she remembers everybody she ever spoke with as she was starting out in NY. As weird as it seems, this felt like the pre-cursor to reality shows since she seems to unashamedly reveal everything about herself - blemishes and all - and of everybody around her. I definitely enjoyed reading about this original Rat Pack lady and can't wait to see some of the movies she and Bogey did.

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Dec 27, 2010 Jamie rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is one of the best autobiographies I have read. Sometimes when I read biographies, I suddenly don't like the person as much as I thought I did. So not the case with Ms. Bacall. She lead such an interesting life and she isn't conceited or obnoxious in her delivery at all. If you like autobiographies, I would recommend this one. Old Hollywood seems so facinating.

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Jun 04, 2009 Sandy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: autobi-memoirs, true-life-tales

I picked this book up at a bookstore street sale in NYC ages back. I don't usually read 'movie star' stuff.... (why buy it when you can review it while waiting in the grocery que?) Anyway, I ended up really enjoying it! Lauren Bacall and Bogie really were an item back then! Quite shocking behavior for the tabloids, though certainly nothing they hadn't seen before!

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Jul 16, 2010 Stephanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites

I found this book at a yard sale many years ago, this book was one of my best bargain buys.:) I read it aloud to my mother at night, it was one of the most entertaining books I have read. Lauren's life was interesting and her romances intriguing. To this day I hate Frank Sinatra! This is a great autobiography I plan on reading her follow ups.

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Nov 05, 2010 Michelle Debra rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography

actually, this is an auto-biography. utterly fascinating to hear Bacall describe her life, a life lived completely on her terms. I love the way she talks about her work, its importance and the craft of acting. her marriage to Humphrey Bogart made me pick up the book, but her unique, smoky voice made me keep reading.

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Jun 24, 2009 Dianne rated it 5 of 5 stars

I'm a Bogie fan, I think it has something to do with my searching for a father figure or something, but Lauren Bacall, drop dead gorgeous and the coolest number anybody could be at 19 or 20-what a story. Throw in Bogart's disfunctional life with his dangerous wife and the movies have nothing on this.

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Aug 29, 2012 Katharine rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a brilliant book that is very well written. I have only ever almost cried when reading one other book but Lauren Bacall's description of Humphrey Bogarts death would bring tears to anyone's eyes as it is so heartfelt. Strongly recommended.

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Oct 20, 2007 Yvette rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir

What a beautifully written story of the life of Lauren Bacall. Bacall had a lovely upbringing. She came from a close knit Jewish family. Bacall’s mother was an extraordinary loving and supportive woman.

As a little girl Bacall falls in love with the big screen. When she grows up she becomes a model and later branches out into acting. She dates many Hollywood hunks, including Frank Sinatra, but ends up in a fairytale romance with Humphrey Bogart. Despite the difference in age, Bogart and Bacall f...more

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Jul 21, 2010 Helaine rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

After reading Katharine Hepburn's biography, Bacall's autobiography was all light and love. She wrote this in 1978 and I think it would be interesting to read the follow-up that she wrote many years later.

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Dec 05, 2011 Lisa Proulx rated it 5 of 5 stars

What a class act!

In her writings, she gives just enough detail to make things interesting without resorting to graphic sex scenes in order to sell a book!

One of the best celebrity bios!

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Jul 02, 2011 Tom rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A real good autobiography, focused on her life w/Bogart. I doubt I'll ever forget her image of seeing the bigger-than-life man carried in a small bag out of their home after his death...

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Nov 05, 2010 Jeanette rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: celebrities, four-star-nonfiction, nonfiction, biography-memoir

I'm adding a few books I read long ago, just for the sake of completeness. I remember really enjoying this one. Guessing on the "date read." Sometime in the 80s.

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Apr 18, 2012 Jana Lynn rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: women

Interesting to read about her experiences. Writing style is snotty and slightly condesending. Found myself annoyed with her by the end.

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Sep 02, 2011 Dodde Stark rated it 3 of 5 stars

My first memoir, read in high school. I enjoyed it and it added to my love of movies to hear an actress talk about her life and her art.

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Jan 19, 2013 Patricia rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was so fascinated by her life with Bogie that I read this book over and over, until the spine broke and it fell apart.

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Jan 05, 2013 Heidi rated it 5 of 5 stars

She calls it like it is with wit and sensitivity. Well written and thanks to an interestingly led life, a fun read.

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Dec 05, 2010 Cheri rated it 5 of 5 stars

Another strong woman this one married to two great American actors Humphrey Bogart and Jason Robards, both alcoholics.

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Nov 30, 2012 Janel rated it 5 of 5 stars

Read this when I was 15. Really pulled me in. She writes well, and it was an interesting life story.

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Jul 31, 2012 Judith rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Huge fan of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall movies, and I love biographies. I loved her and their story!

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Jun 02, 2012 Jeremy Good rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography, cinema

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Apr 16, 2012 Debbie rated it 5 of 5 stars

A great inside feel for one of ladies of film most admired & her marriage to Bogey!! Great read.

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Jul 21, 2011 Carol Hunter rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

She is an amazing, self-depracating, talented woman who has known so many interesting people.

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Feb 08, 2011 Anita rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Biografía que heredé de mi abuela. Cuanto glamour tiene la sra Bacall

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Jul 21, 2009 Val Wilkerson rated it 5 of 5 stars

Fabulous story of Lauren Bacalls life. Incredible story. It will make you cry.

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Betty Joan Perske, better known as Lauren Bacall, is a Golden Globe– and Tony Award–winning, as well as Academy Award–nominated, American film and stage actress and model. Known for her husky voice and sultry looks, she became a fashion icon in the 1940s and has continued acting to the present day.

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Quotes from By Myself

“If there was one thing I had never been, it was mysterious, and if there was one thing I had never done, it was not talk.” — 3 people liked it

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