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How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything, Yes Anything
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How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything, Yes Anything

3.84  ·  Rating Details ·  378 Ratings  ·  40 Reviews
Argues that through RET, Rational-Emotive Therapy we can learn to control our emotions and explains how to acquire true mental health and happiness.
Paperback, 215 pages
Published June 1st 2000 by Lyle Stuart
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Sep 01, 2008 Charlotte rated it it was amazing
Albert Ellis is the reason I became a psychologist. I remember watching one of his tapes and thinking "Really? I can really talk to clients that way?" And it's true, I can really be myself and help people at the same time. Therapy is not some mamby-pamby "Tell me about your mother" sniffling on the couch for decades nonsense. It's hard work confronting the shit in your life, both the shit you do to yourself and the shit others have done to you. Ellis's no-nonsense approach can be pushy and over- ...more
This is a good book. A lot of what is in it may seem like common sense, but you have to remember that people who live with mental misery aren't always able to access common sense. I did get a little upset with Ellis at one point, but I think that says more about me that about the author. The last two chapters were especially helpful for me: they have a summary and tools for maintaining the gains you make.
Feb 20, 2008 Ryan rated it it was ok
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Apr 13, 2013 Joakim rated it it was amazing
An urgent call to stop Musturbating too much. Drop the shoulds, musts, in our irrational thoughts/ beliefs, and we'll conquer the everyday miseries. It was amazing seeing how those small words can make us feel so miserable.
A must for anyone suffering from shyness, panic, depression, anxiety, sadness and other non-organic/biological mental ailments.
Jeffrey Guterman
Jun 04, 2012 Jeffrey Guterman rated it really liked it
This is one of Albert Ellis's best self-help book on rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). In "How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything--Yes, Anything," Ellis makes the simple, yet profound point that "you can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only . . . to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you were stray into unrealistic demands that your desires have to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb...yourself about anything" (p. 21). ...more
Dec 21, 2009 Corey rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
Despite his oddball writing style, Albert Ellis had many amazing insights into psychotherapy and was one of the pioneers of cognitive therapy. This is one of his better books. It's better written and more up-to-date than his classic work, "A New Guide to Rational Living." More importantly, it contains plenty of hands-on exercises for self-improvement. Two core insights in the book are that misery comes from how we think about events not the events themselves, and that relief comes not from under ...more
Mar 12, 2013 Nicola rated it liked it
Recommends it for: depressives
I like stubbornly refusing to do things so this book appealed to me. Undoubtedly one of the better books of its kind (in my opinion) and I will be attempting to incorporate some of the strategies it contains into my everyday life. This book is blissfully devoid of psychobabble and centres around the notion that it is our irrational thinking that causes us to become psychologically unsettled. The book contains exercises to follow to help analyse and (hopefully) eradicate your own irrational belie ...more
Huma Rashid
Apr 11, 2015 Huma Rashid rated it it was ok
Repetitive. Basically, the crux is: argue yourself out of your negative thinking cycles and attack those negative beliefs with rational logic, create a plan to get you through things you struggle with, and do a bunch of things you don't want to do because it breaks you of your fear and distaste and proves to you that if you fail you will still be fine.


That's the whole book.
Jan 05, 2014 Matthew rated it it was amazing
Also great REBT primer, I assign chapters for clients to read as homework.
Dec 16, 2009 Michelle rated it really liked it
Okay so it seems like a stupid self-help book, and believe me the writing style cannot seem any less condescending if it tried. But if you can look past all the italicized words and being talked to like you're mentally challenged, you will see that the theory of RET (Rational Emotive Therapy) is actually brilliant and incredibly useful.
Jul 10, 2009 Barb rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
Nice addition to A New Guide to Rational Living. This book provides many more examples of how a person working on their own (without a therapist) can use Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) to change.
May 03, 2013 Angela rated it it was ok
Due to the language / word choices of the writer, it's very hard to read. Not hard as in difficult, but hard to accept his methodology.
Mar 31, 2014 Elaine rated it it was ok
Good message, but it did not need to be a whole book. Pretty early on, I felt a bit beaten over the head with one or two ideas.
Michaela Hill
Nov 10, 2010 Michaela Hill is currently reading it  ·  review of another edition
Hate it, so far. The author is ponpuos and arrogant. A mentor recommended it.
May 14, 2017 Jane rated it did not like it
I'm going to go ahead and stubbornly refuse to keep reading this book. I gave it a shot even though self-help is almost always terribly written and I'm sure the man has some good ideas but good lord the TONE. No. Hard pass. Guess I'll just stay miserable if it means more entertaining reading. Because priorities.
Mar 21, 2017 Lisa rated it liked it
The content was great but could have been a blog post instead of a book.
Mar 08, 2017 Tom rated it really liked it
Closer to 4.5. Ellis introduces a simple yet effective tool in affecting a more positive outlook in life. REBT isn't always practical, but it has helped me quite a bit during my latest depressive episode. It is also both funny and nonjudgemental.
This book has hundreds of examples of how you might berate yourself with your internal voice, but they're phrased in a formal language instead of a relatable slang that I know I use and probably most other people. I started getting annoyed and had to stop reading this one.
Yuliya Yurchuk
Feb 27, 2017 Yuliya Yurchuk rated it liked it
Читала для того, щоб зрозуміти, хто ж це придумав когнітивно-поведінкову терапію, якою зараз лікують чи не усіх. Книжка дуже добре показує, як це працює. Я навіть деякі вправи і поради взяла на озброєння. Про ефективність можна буде сказати, коли виживу:))
Roza Howton
Apr 17, 2015 Roza Howton rated it it was ok
Too simplistic, and contradictory in places.

Would be good for a Neurotypical layperson to read just to get a "fix" for daily neuroses, but if you're trying to resolve something that is more to do with organic causes, this book is a hit and miss. A lot of misses.

The "stick and carrot" approach is not for me. The cognitive retraining in challenging "musts and shoulds" is useful, but seriously? Stick and carrot?

That and his tendency to use the term *autistically* in a very derogatory manner. Fro
Carol K
Not quite as exciting as the first two in the series, but still impossible to put down.
Richard Stephenson
Apr 11, 2011 Richard Stephenson rated it liked it
I can see some good use for the content of this book, but my little guardian (program) kept reminding me how most of the content seemed to have little concern for ecology... a VERY big deal, if you ask little old me. With the right mindset, and maybe (oh I don't know) a trained therapist, RET (as presented) could be useful. I say take the good out of it but keep your shields on.

2 things that also bugged me quite a bit:
- his examples would lead to something along the lines of "well, it didn't ex
Jalen Lyle-Holmes
Jun 21, 2014 Jalen Lyle-Holmes rated it liked it
Seems like a really direct, practical and simple (though not necessarily easy) self-help/therapeutic technique. I think I'd need to do a lot more application of it before having a real personal view of it's efficacy (and I plan to), but it makes a lot of sense and I found it quite revealing about my own psychology. The book did seem perhaps a little repetitive or something, there may be better of his books to read.
Apr 21, 2015 Bea rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: People who are just getting familiar with self-help books.
I’m glad to see not being the only one to find this book hard to digest. It’s been written in a poor style; is often offensive, incompetent, unnecessarily philosophical, with algorithm-like attempts to describe problems. This is definitely not for the people with a broad knowledge in the subject.
Although I can give credit for the main message of the book, packed in a length of an article would have been more satisfactory.
Dec 15, 2016 Joe rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is one of the very best books that I have read.

In reading the title you just think it can't be serious, yet it is.

It doesn't say that it's easy, but it is effective if you are prepared to work hard and embrace a new way of thinking.

REBT is largely based on stoic philosophy and that some things in our lives are within our control and some outside our control. By changing the way we think about things outside our control we can reduce unnecessary (and useless) negative thinking.
Sep 05, 2016 Russ rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Can you strive to think and live like Spock in Kirk's world? The premise of the book is to overcome your negativity by always trying to think and act rationally. While becoming more rational is probably not a bad thing, the author gives no guidance and on how to get along in a world becoming more irrational.
Ben Sutter
Feb 04, 2015 Ben Sutter rated it really liked it
Shelves: rationalism, health
Some excellent Ellis ideas presented in this book. It is a great book, but it is in my opinion quite a distance from the masterpiece that A Guide to Rational Living is. The first third of this book sprawls a bit, before some big punches are thrown about midway. Read it - in some way it will help you.
Jun 27, 2016 Bruno rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
En mi caso la Terapia Racional Emotiva Conductual es eficaz para modular la intensidad de mis emociones y para cambiar conductas. Recomiendo este libro, y quizás lo que faltaba era un mejor resumen del método, y de los insights. Pero bueno, nada es perfecto
Sarah O'Flaherty
Nov 16, 2014 Sarah O'Flaherty rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
Excellent! Great coverage of Albert Ellis's REBT therapy - I swear my mindset just started changing while reading this book, so I can see all that could be achieved by working through the process. Entertaining, and easy to understand.
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Albert Ellis was an American psychologist who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He held M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP). He also founded and was the President of the New York City-based Albert Ellis Institute for decades.
He is generally considered to be one of the originators of th
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“You and many outstanding inventors and writers have striven for the ideal and have thereby helped yourself do remarkably well. REBT, therefore, does not oppose competition or striving for outstanding achievement. It advocates task-perfection, not self-perfection.” “What does that mean?” “It means that you can try to be as good, or even as perfect, as you can—at any project or task. You can try to make it ideal. But you are not a good person if it is perfect. You are still a person who completed a perfect project, but never a good person for doing so.” “How, then, do I become an incompetent or bad person?” “You don’t! When you do incompetent or evil acts, you become a person who acted badly—never a bad person.” 4 likes
“The concept of deservingness for one’s “sins” implies that certain acts are unquestionably under all conditions “sinful.” And this is impossible to prove.” 3 likes
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