Created to Be His Help Meet

Apr 30, 2012 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I have almost finished with this book. This book is obviously is very conservitive and will probably offend a lot of women. The author didn't write the book to gain approval (through her comments and tone) but to relay truth and experience she has found in scripture and in marriage. I would recommend this book as required reading for every married woman- even if she chucks it across the room because it doesn't fit in with her own feministic ideals.

Personally, this book has boosted my marriage to...more

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Dec 21, 2007 Leighann rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I feel Ms. Pearl has great insight into what is lacking in today's marriages. Many "healthy" Christian women have been taught a co-submission doctrine. The problem with co-submission, is it is inconsistent with the analogy scripture sets up of marriage being a picture of Christ and the church. Christ is not co-submissive to us. Additionally, many Christian women interpret co-submission to mean that when in disagreement, they have a right to not 'give in' to their husband's thought process 'becau...more

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Mar 09, 2009 Melissa rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

When I started this book, I did so with a day time bible study group and an open mind. Truly there are some helpful nuggets in here, but they were almost completely lost on me because by the middle of the book I had had enough of her self-righteous and harsh criticisms. There was a great lack of love for women in general, her sisters, in this book. I am very hard to insult and my feelings don't get hurt easily, I am a lover of the truth and appreciate the need for the truth to be told, and somet...more When I started this book, I did so with a day time bible study group and an open mind. Truly there are some helpful nuggets in here, but they were almost completely lost on me because by the middle of the book I had had enough of her self-righteous and harsh criticisms. There was a great lack of love for women in general, her sisters, in this book. I am very hard to insult and my feelings don't get hurt easily, I am a lover of the truth and appreciate the need for the truth to be told, and sometimes we need to have someone to "shake" us out of our sin, but this was hard for me to read. Everything is woman's fault. Everything. If there is a problem in your marriage, it's your fault. If your husband has a sex addiction it's because you aren't doing your your job. If he's "being a jerk", it's because you aren't setting the right tone in the home.

Something that really bothers me is her abuse of the bible at times. She had said that David's sin of adultery would have been prevented if Bathsheba hadn't bathed on the roof... well, let's pretend that the God didn't actually say that it was David's fault (through Nathaniel). Let's pretend that it wasn't the custom in those times to bathe on the roof, the only place that had privacy in homes those days. I am not saying they she didn't bear any of the responsibility, because she did, but I am appalled at how that scenario was turned so that the Pearls could prove just how evil women are. Another thing that really bothered me was the twisting of Deborah. She actually used this story as proof that it is shameful - SHAMEFUL! - for women to lead at all. Who was ashamed? Certainly not God, for He had delivered the victory into the hands of a woman (Jael) because of Barak's ungodly response to Deborah's instruction! I don't know if his response ("I will not go unless you are with me") is cowardly or scoffing her, I haven't figured that out, but it is obvious that God was displeased with BARAK, not Deborah. Also, she is great at advising women to go to their husbands with their emotional needs and I wholeheartedly agree, but warns that spending too much time with women and getting close may result in you becoming a lesbian (she didn't use that word, but she definitely alluded to it, I would get the direct quote but I threw the book away as soon as I was done.) Jesus said that the world would know who we are by our love for each other, and he didn't seem at all worried that a deep love for fellow sisters or brothers would become something unnatural perverted.

There was some advice that was given that absolutely scared me. One was advising women who were feeling pain during intercourse to suck it up meet your husband's needs... Ladies, if you are feeling pain during sex GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! Any pain during what is a normal bodily function means that there is something wrong, not that you need to deny yourself, merrily pretend there is nothing wrong and get through it. Another thing that bothered me is a woman was confessing that her husband was breaking into cars and having her stand guard. Debi's advice was to call the cops and turn him in...not that I disagree with that, but what about going to her husband and asking him to confess and come clean himself, allowing him the opportunity to do the right thing? How about confessing herself since she was helping? These would be biblical and godly instructions. Another thing - and this is the last one, I promise - she instructs women to visit their husbands in jail who have molested their children... and to bring their molested children with. There is a time for forgiveness, there is a time for confronting your offender, and yes he is their father, but this turned my stomach and it's in knots writing this. Making an innocent child visit and pretend everything is okay with the man who tarnished and stole their innocence... Don't bad mouth the man, but don't bring him jailbait either. And - okay, I do have one more - I grew tired of her using scare tactics to get the reader to do the right and (in her mind) "godly" thing by your husband. He will have an affair if you don't do this. He will leave you for someone else if you don't do that. You know what? I love God, and I love my husband and I serve both out of reverence for God because it is love that drives me, it is joy, it is security in my faith and in my God. I know he will take care of me and I desire Him above all else... (though a healthy dose of the fear of God is good).

Having said all of this, I will say that I agree about serving, I agree we need to consider others before ourselves, and we especially need to consider our husbands above ourselves. Her take on the Command/Steady/Visionary man was interesting and informative; I did take a little away with me. But I will have to leave the rest. My husband and I read this together, and he doesn't like it at all. He feels like women have been demoted and degraded to nothing when he believes his daughter and I to be glorious, wonderful, intelligent and worthy of godly advice. Women weren't created to be doormats - created for men, yes, but to complete them, not to be subservient - most of all created for God. Dan appreciates me most when I encourage him to think outside of himself, and he thanks me when I push him through laziness just like I appreciate his wisdom and insight and learn from his abandon and zest for life. We were made for men because they are incomplete alone - they are perfectly capable of living by themselves and taking care of themselves, but what they need from us is REAL unconditional love, devotion, respect, honesty and to be and give what they cannot. My husband doesn't want me fearing him, and God wants my joy, not my fear of what will happen if I screw up next - that is the devil's playground. They need a suitable partner, not a subservient one. One size does not fit all in marriage, as all people were made differently with unique gifts, abilities, talents and weaknesses. We make up for each other's weaknesses and build each other's strengths. God loved Hagar and was with her as He with David... God loves all His creation, men and women alike, and I couldn't help but feel that the Pearls are not teaching we are all valuable to Him and women are somehow the worst sort of evil. That may be proven by the fact that at the end of the book they advertise tapes for husbands, but they dissuade women to listen to them so they won't manipulate and use it against their husbands. I will stay away from anything else by the Pearls like it's the Plague nor will I ever recommend this to anyone else.

Just as a side note, the Greek word for "help-meet" came from is "ezer ke-negdo" which literally means "rescue, to save" and "to be strong; power". God would not create something weak, insignificant and subservient for His greatest creation of all: Man.(less)

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Aug 20, 2011 Becca rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I do NOT recommend this book. I began the book in anticipation, having heard good things about it from two friends whose opinions I trust. I am very conservative, and I do not disagree with Mrs. Pearl's admonitions to respect and submit to your husband, but much of this book sets my teeth on edge.

My grievances with this book are Mrs. Pearl's consistent hubris and unscriptural assertions. In Mrs. Pearl's opinion, women are at fault for men's sins, from Adam to David (see chapter 11). In contrast...more I do NOT recommend this book. I began the book in anticipation, having heard good things about it from two friends whose opinions I trust. I am very conservative, and I do not disagree with Mrs. Pearl's admonitions to respect and submit to your husband, but much of this book sets my teeth on edge.

My grievances with this book are Mrs. Pearl's consistent hubris and unscriptural assertions. In Mrs. Pearl's opinion, women are at fault for men's sins, from Adam to David (see chapter 11). In contrast, James 1:14 states, "But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed." Every man is responsible for his own sin; it is not excusable because of his wife's failings.

In chapter 7, Pearl claims that almost all divorce can be avoided if a wife will merely react properly to her husband. Perhaps that is true if the husband's worst failing is neglecting to take out the trash, but for a wife who has been victimized by her husband's infidelity or abuse, the answers are not that simple. As a wife is not responsible for her husband's sin, neither is she capable of redeeming him. Salvation and the power to turn from sin come only as a man turns to Jesus, "the Way, the Truth, and the Life" (John 14:6).

Further placing the onus of a healthy marriage solely on the wife, Pearl claims in chapter 5, "It doesn't take a good man, or even a saved man, for a woman to have a heavenly marriage..." This is quite an incomplete picture, as the husband is called in Scripture to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Eph.5:25). Only then can the marriage as a whole reflect the mystery of Christ and His bride, the church.

Perhaps the most grievous arrogance Pearl displays is in her repeated, bleak descriptions of single motherhood as a ghetto of poverty and despair. No doubt, it is one of the most difficult paths in life. But Mrs. Pearl leaves no room for God's grace in the life of a woman who, through no fault of her own (yes, Mrs. Pearl, I said "no fault!") has been left husbandless. Psalm 68:5 says, "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation," and I believe this applies to "widows" of infidelity and abuse as well.

I am passionate about the preservation of marriage, and I believe both partners in marriage are commanded to obey Christ, regardless of their spouse's commitment. I also strongly believe that God will bless those who honor His commands regarding their marital attitudes and actions. For a much more Scriptural portrayal of these principles, I would recommend Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book "Love and Respect." (less)

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Jul 26, 2012 Bethany rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: No one

This is a poorly written book by a well intentioned fundamentalist Christian. She admits that she is not a professional writer, but she at times says things that can be taken ways that I'm sure she didn't intend which is probably because she published her book through No Greater Joy, which is her and her husband's non-profit, without a good editor. Enough said about that.

Her aim for women to submit to their husbands cheerfully and be examples to younger women are scriptural, but she at times mis...more This is a poorly written book by a well intentioned fundamentalist Christian. She admits that she is not a professional writer, but she at times says things that can be taken ways that I'm sure she didn't intend which is probably because she published her book through No Greater Joy, which is her and her husband's non-profit, without a good editor. Enough said about that.

Her aim for women to submit to their husbands cheerfully and be examples to younger women are scriptural, but she at times misinterprets scripture (how this got past her "Bible scholar" husband I don't understand) and uses scriptures out of context to support her aim. I don't understand why she thinks she needs to do this when there is enough scripture to support her argument with out misusing the Word of God.

She uses scare tactics to get women to do what she says they should do. More than once, she pretty much threatens women that if they don't do as she says, they will end up single mothers, working two jobs, with a babysitter who's sleeping with her boyfriend in the other room. Fear tactics don't work very well to persuade and it isn't what scriptures use or prescribe. Her responses to women's letters, although usually with good points, are hurtful and unloving.

She gives a one-sided view of marriage intentionally because she is afraid that some women will abuse the scripture's instructions to husbands. As a result, her picture of marriage is incomplete and nothing near as beautiful as what God intends it to be. It leaves me feeling like the woman is the only one responsible to make the marriage work which is not at all what is found in the scriptures.

I could say a lot more about this book, but I'll leave it with this. Debi Pearl's intention to write a book for married women to live out a Godly marriage as a "help meet" is admirable, but it falls flat because of the tools she uses to make her argument. I would not recommend this book to anyone, but if you must read it, be cautious and very discerning. Look up the scriputres for context and read other translations of the Bible to get a fuller understanding in modern English. This is NOT a good book for young Christians who are not knowledgeable in the scriptures.(less)

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Feb 17, 2011 Libbydale rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: couldn-t-finish

I feel like throwing this book out the window. I was given this book to read, and I haven't finished it. I'm shelving it for a while. I did thumb through it for 3 nights until I found something I thought was particularly useful, which was Chapter 8: "Wisdom to Understand Your Man", which highlights three types of male personalities. You definitely need to have a deep respect for the Bible and accept it as God's truth for your life before delving into this book. The author writes very authoratati...more I feel like throwing this book out the window. I was given this book to read, and I haven't finished it. I'm shelving it for a while. I did thumb through it for 3 nights until I found something I thought was particularly useful, which was Chapter 8: "Wisdom to Understand Your Man", which highlights three types of male personalities. You definitely need to have a deep respect for the Bible and accept it as God's truth for your life before delving into this book. The author writes very authoratatively, making no excuses for wives and how they should behave in her marriage. Apparent letters to her from women have been included with her answers. At times I find her disturbingly uncompassionate. This is hardline Biblical wifehood in training, ladies, and your heart has got to be ready to hear some hard things. I do disagree with some points, such as if my husband tells me to wear something I must OBEY him. She likes that word, Obey. It's a straightforward word I guess, and this book is very straighforward. Thankfully my husband doesn't command me around to that degree! I also was a bit disturbed when she was talking about verbal abuse. While they take a hard line on the fact that women should never tolerate physical abuse or sexual immorality from their husbands, it seems a bit hazy on the verbal abuse part. I'll have to reread. There was also a bizarre composite story about a young man who was so turned on in church by his youth leader's wife that he ejaculated in church. The point of this agonizing composite was to remind women of the need to be modest. It was strange. I asked my husband about it and he said it would be very unusual for that to happen. The things I did assimilate from it was that my marriage is VERY important. Maybe even more important than Sunday evening church! It is good to be reminded that while my husband cannot and should not replace God in my life, that nothing beneath my husband, including church activities, should replace my husband! I really like the priority of the family relationships, husband and children, over outside activities. Our culture is so busy, even our church culture, and it's so easy to put those things ahead of marriage. Also I believe the main things I've been reminded of so far are that I have a powerful role to play in my marriage. I have a specific purpose as a wife and it's not always what I think it should be. My attitude toward my husband should not be based on his actions toward me only, but on loving him for who he is every day with joy. That is my responsibility. I cannot be responsible for his response to me unless I am a grumble whiny puss all the time. Anyway, take it for what it is. Read it or not. It will certainly challenge our modern thoughts on marriage! (less)

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Feb 19, 2008 Paula rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: all women who are about to marry or who are currently married

What I liked most about this book was that it opened my eyes that there was more to my part of the marriage than just submission. Being a submissive wife is only one part of the WHOLE of being a help meet to my husband.

There are a lot of really good helpful bits of advice in the book that one really needs to be open to, and prayerful about, in order to benefit from it. Whenever you trust God and allow HIM to change your husband, instead of trying to do it yourself, God will change your husband....more

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Jun 29, 2008 BL rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

After a lifetime of disappointment and failures in relationships with men, I was convicted to look at myself and see what God wants me to change. It took me a while to get the courage to read this book, however I was determined to make a change to save my marriage. I knew the problem had to do with me stepping into the man's role when I thought he was failing and then being proud about it.
What I learned from this book is that it all boils down to simple obedience to God. You can nitpick Debi Pe...more

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Feb 01, 2012 Kayla rated it 3 of 5 stars

I would not recommend this book, though I did enjoy it when I read it. The problem is that while there is some that is good and true, there is a lot that is simply abusive. Being a helpmeet is not being a doormat, as this book contends. There is little room for a wife's personality to blossom in these marriages, where the focus is serving the husband in an almost slave like fashion. The standard of perfection is so high that when one does not meet it, it is devastating. I agree that marriage is...more

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Apr 22, 2013 Melodie rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I realize that I may have read this in a different place in my life, but this is the first book I have ever thrown away! I was in an abusive marriage and someone recommended this book to me. As I was reading it I felt as if I needed to just take the crap my ex was throwing me, much like she takes crap from her husband. I didn't get the feeling that her husband loves her very much or knows how to contribute. I felt like she was stuck in the twilight zone and has no idea how men should treat women...more

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Apr 10, 2013 Adam rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: my-recommended-reads, my-reviews

My wife began reading this book several years ago. Due to the fact she was changing A-LOT and out of curiosity I decided to peek into this book myself. Through and Through Debi rightly teaches the spiritual position women need to take in life. Due to the Americanization of the modern church, things like "submission" and "serving" are frowned upon. Yet God commands women to submit to their husbands, not so that the Husband may live life his own way, but as God's chosen instrument, that he may lea...more My wife began reading this book several years ago. Due to the fact she was changing A-LOT and out of curiosity I decided to peek into this book myself. Through and Through Debi rightly teaches the spiritual position women need to take in life. Due to the Americanization of the modern church, things like "submission" and "serving" are frowned upon. Yet God commands women to submit to their husbands, not so that the Husband may live life his own way, but as God's chosen instrument, that he may lead the family God's way. The husband must learn to die to himself in all things, to put God before His family and his wife and children before himself. So the wife no longer lives life the husbands way, But God's way. Because the husband lives God's way, through his obedience to the Word. Therefore it stands to reason that God will not leave you in the hands of flesh. If you are a woman reading this, you know that you are the Lord's precious daughter. He would not lead you to harm! Rather it requires great faith to find a perfect God in an imperfect person. But it is God's design and God's law. God does lead you and your faith is in His word because,it is Christ who speaks to you through your husband.

Also, I may not fully agree with everything Debi writes. However I am still willing to give this book a Five out of Five rating, because she has the guts to stand up for what is right and scriptural in a majorly feminist society. It can be a difficult thing to speak out for what is right, especially with so many views and opinions against you. But She seeks to fulfill all the things commanded of her in this book. Especially, when she is commanded as an older women to: "admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." tit 2:4-5

With a closing note, the word of God does say, "obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Or in other words, disobedience to God's chosen head (i.e. the Husband), is disobedience to God, because God commanded you to obey the husband. So who in the end do you obey when you do what is right and follow the scriptures? If not for anything else, submit because it is commanded of you by the Lord.
(less)

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Jan 15, 2013 Faye rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Well, I can see why some people would be offended but certain elements of this book, because it is tough. But the main things I had a problem with was how judgemental Ms. Pearl came off as, sometimes just going off of a single public gesture without knowing the whole story, when I think she could have found a better illustration and spoke the truth in love. Additionally, her advice ranged from good, to very impractical and possibly dangerous! And while it might work for some people, I would use...more

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Jan 03, 2013 Sandy rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is perfect for people who believe in the Bible and feel that it dictates that wives take on a BDSM inspired submissive slave role and that all husbands are to be dominant masters. The only difference is there's no safeword in Debi Pearl's world, because that would lead wives away from submission and straight to the flames of hell.

I tried to be open minded when I read this book due to some christian friends raving about it a few years ago. Oh. My. God. The tone Debi takes toward her rea...more

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Sep 19, 2012 Anna rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: No one, ever

Recommended to Anna by: My mom

I would give this zero stars if I could. Read six years ago, but I recall pretty vividly - it's a load of misogynistic bullshit.
The basic premise of the book is that a woman's sole purpose in life is to be supportive of her husband. Failing to procreate is sinful, working outside the home, sending your children (you do have more than one, right?) to school instead of homeschooling, missing church, having friends who do not attend your church, wearing your hair short, and questioning your husban...more I would give this zero stars if I could. Read six years ago, but I recall pretty vividly - it's a load of misogynistic bullshit.
The basic premise of the book is that a woman's sole purpose in life is to be supportive of her husband. Failing to procreate is sinful, working outside the home, sending your children (you do have more than one, right?) to school instead of homeschooling, missing church, having friends who do not attend your church, wearing your hair short, and questioning your husband for any reason - all sins.

Divorce is simply unthinkable! Even if your husband is abusive, an alcoholic/ drug addict, or just an asshole, he simply needs some help, and your job as a wife is to be supportive of that. If he ends up in prison for beating the shit out of you or molesting your child? It's okay, just visit him (with the kids sometimes - they still need their dad!) and pray for him a lot. Trust that god will "heal" him. (And maybe keep a good attorney on retainer in case it doesn't happen before he gets out.) Plus, you get to figure out some way to support your family without working outside the home!

Need help fixing the toilet or replacing the light fixture? Don't call a repairman to service it (that would be wasting your husband's money), and don't even consider asking your husband (he's tired from working all day to take care of your sorry ass)! Learn what you can from the internet and library, and take care of that shit yourself. If you have been a good wife, he'll notice you're struggling and come to your aid without being asked.

Want to relax with a novel? Please. Only if you have read twice as much "educational" material (like how to fix the toilet) this week!
Want to get someone a gift or go to Starbucks? That's up to your husband - he has total control of the finances, and may choose to give you an allowance to buy groceries or pay certain bills, and more than that if he's feeling generous - but don't even consider questioning his motive, where the rest of it goes, or why you're not allowed to have your own. (Even if you found some way to work from home, it's his money.)

Are your kids excited to see their dad when he arrives home? Well simmer that shit down, because he needs some time to himself to relax before he can be bothered with those annoying little snots. You're the mother here.

Also, your kids must be perfectly obedient and respectful at all times. Your baby is crying and she's not hungry/wet/teething? Switch her (a mini whip pulled from a willow tree). Your toddler won't potty train quickly enough? Don't change his diaper, take him out back and hose him off - that'll teach him! Your daughters should be able to cook, clean, babysit, and generally take care of a household before they're teens, in preparation for marrying them off asap.

You are required to sexually pleasure your husband a minimum of 2 (or 3, I can't remember) times per week. Not so bad, right (assuming he cares about your pleasure)? But say he wants to try anal sex, or he likes to wear your lingerie - now you're responsible to (gently, so as not to hurt his fragile ego) explain that he's a sick perv, and god doesn't like those "unnatural" activities. Then suck him off so good that he won't even remember why he asked! What's that? You mean you don't want to be your husband's fuck-toilet? Too bad, because that's what women were made to do.

My mom suggested I read this book, very early into my relationship with my abusive ex - I did, and stayed with him nearly two years for fear of sinning. Once I came to my senses? I divorced that douche bag, took my daughter, and moved on with my life. If I ever look back, it's just to be sure he's not there.(less)

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Nov 29, 2011 Alexis rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Whether you're a Christian or not - I heartily recommend Created to Be His Help Meet and the advice in it. This book has offered me countless moments of peace and direction in my marriage, helping me adjust from being single, to newlywed, and now to progressing through the early years of marriage.

A word of caution - for feminists and women who are easily offended by talk of submission, this book is guaranteed to cause some deep seated anger.

Still, there are many nuggets of truth and helpful adv...more

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Apr 19, 2009 Terra rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: No one

Recommended to Terra by: Mother-in-law

Shelves: hated, non-fiction

My MIL gave me this book and it fucked with my head. Okay the rest of that was harsh. So I deleted it.

I'll agree, there are some things in this book that you can take away with you. I've found that by trying to be happier and anticipate some of my husbands needs, our marriage is better. He is then happier and isn't as moody with me. Instead of getting naggy and spiteful, I just walk away and let him calm down. And he is more prone to seek me out and apologize to me for his attitude and actions....more

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Oct 24, 2012 Lynn Joshua rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Graceless and mean spirited, Debi forces on Christian women a legalistic yoke that ignores the whole counsel of the Bible.
Instead of showing the fruit of the Spirit, she shows a harsh and critical spirit, she misuses Scripture, and she utterly misses the grace of the gospel. Her ideas are dangerous because she takes some true concepts, mixes them with lies, and calls her way "biblical", so her readers believe that it is found in Scripture and if not followed, will cause them to sin. This is spi...more

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Aug 20, 2012 Kris Irvin rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: bad-books, 2012

Eta: I did end up finishing this book. It was so bad I couldn't put it down. I think the thing that bothered me most in the end was how horribly judgmental and downright nasty Ms. Pearl ended up being. A direct quote:

"...that is what you did with the rejection of his choice of stove. It is no wonder that you are frustrated and 'just plain tired.' I'm plain tired of thinking of the damage you have done and what you have been missing. Your husband is probably tired too: tired of this marriage."

YI...more Eta: I did end up finishing this book. It was so bad I couldn't put it down. I think the thing that bothered me most in the end was how horribly judgmental and downright nasty Ms. Pearl ended up being. A direct quote:

"...that is what you did with the rejection of his choice of stove. It is no wonder that you are frustrated and 'just plain tired.' I'm plain tired of thinking of the damage you have done and what you have been missing. Your husband is probably tired too: tired of this marriage."

YIKES. There are several quotes like this throughout the book. Just plain nasty. There are much better marriage books out there, even submissive-wifely books if that is what you are looking for, that are not as ...well...bee-yotchy.

Oh, and I'm certainly glad that my husband felt it necessary to take me to the hospital when I was pregnant instead of "encouraging [me] to be a good woman and seeking out natural healing", because if he had not taken me to the doctor ("which would mean high medical bills and unnecessary risks") I would be dead. Thanks Nate! You saved my life! For reals!

My original review:

Uh, this book is scary. I read some paragraphs to my husband and he almost had a heart attack - "why are you reading that garbage?!"

I got to page 150 and I quit. I think the most disturbing story for me was about Sunny and Ahmed - Ahmed tried to kill Sunny and her unborn child, but she praised him more to her family and friends and everything was all better?

I liked the beginning. There are some okay parts. But it got to the point where Pearl was just harping that everything that goes wrong in marriage is the woman's fault, and that's not true and not okay. While forgiveness is necessary especially in marriage, I don't believe that you should take your molested children to see their molester father in prison. Yikes. I also don't believe that single women getting support from other single women are going to turn into lesbians.

While I believe in the Bible, I don't believe that Eve was deficient in any way. I don't believe that I am punished because she chose to eat the forbidden fruit. I also don't believe Eve was trying to exalt herself and I don't believe that childbirth/menses is a punishment for "women's arrogance." So take that, Debi Pearl. Also, in unrelated news, your husband's beard terrifies me.

(Though I have to admit, I am a little intrigued to read Michael Pearl's book about sex. I mean, it's called "HOLY Sex." *snort*)(less)

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Apr 22, 2009 Dana rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Nobody

Recommended to Dana by: someone who needed it more than me

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jan 10, 2013 Raine Carraway rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this book several year's ago, because many of my friends and several of the bloggers I read raved about it. At first, I was divided. Parts of it really hit home and were helpful to me, other parts made me very mad, and some of the advice made my marriage worse.

I found it encouraging because Mrs. pearl does advise women to use their talents and gifts, not to hide them, something that I'd been discouraged from doing by some other Christian womanhood teachers. It was nice feeling free to ind...more I read this book several year's ago, because many of my friends and several of the bloggers I read raved about it. At first, I was divided. Parts of it really hit home and were helpful to me, other parts made me very mad, and some of the advice made my marriage worse.

I found it encouraging because Mrs. pearl does advise women to use their talents and gifts, not to hide them, something that I'd been discouraged from doing by some other Christian womanhood teachers. It was nice feeling free to indulge my love of projects and hobbies that weren't stereotypical domestic. Her notes on the types of men and women also helped me to understand my husband more and to see where some of the friction in our relationship was coming from.

The parts I disagreed with were her tone, which talks down to her readers and ridicules those who have a differing view or do not take her advice. She blames women for men's sins at times in ways that are not scriptural. There is a sense at times that she is setting up the husband as God in his home, with the wife submitting to him even above following God, which I believe is wrong.

She also advises a woman to follow her husband in sin, something that the Bible teaches against (see Ananis & Sapphira). This teaching made for a horrible outcome in my own marriage and destroyed my spiritual walk and relationship with my husband. That teaching and the "man is always right" attitude are also very dangerous to women in abusive or manipulative relationships. A story of a woman staying in a dangerously abusive relationship and changing her husband is also included, which makes it even more dangerous for abused women who may feel like they, too, can change their spouses, if only they stick around and submit further.

There are many theological issues with her teachings and conclusions as well, most of which have been addressed by Tim Challies and by a couple other bloggers, and which are easily found online. If you're looking for advice on being a Godly wife, there are better books out there, even from very conservative Complementarian positions, without the dangers and problems inherent in the Pearls' teachings.(less)

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Oct 10, 2010 Kristie Kercheval rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: women

I thought this books was just a little horrendous. The light and sweet Victorian-esque illustration on the front belies the course and almost laughable language within.

While I agree with the authors about Biblical submission and being a "keeper of the home", I think there is much in this book that could become a yoke of slavery to young women eager live biblically. Sadly, there is not much about grace in this book or living in light of cross.

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Mar 16, 2013 Amy rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, religion, relationships

I could not get through this book. Even as a woman who sees the value in embracing the role of helpmeet and who has no problem with the idea of submitting to my future husband, this book was a bridge too far. I don't want to toss the baby out with the bath water - so let me say up front that I fully support the message of being a helper to your partner and that a good attitude, thankful heart and joyful spirit can go a LONG way in smoothing the rough edges during stressful times in a relationshi...more

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May 20, 2013 Danielle Boutwell rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was recommended this book by a very wonderful, dear friend. She warned it was a hard read.

In today's world what is acceptable in society differ from many things the author states what are acceptable according to the Bible. She uses scripture to back up what her findings are.

I would read a chapter, think "that wasn't so bad". Then later, a bit at a time things would begin to hit me. HARD. Things that pertained to my marriage specifically. Things I was doing wrong. Nobody wants to accept or th...more

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Jan 16, 2011 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was very helpful since I just got married. It put a perspective on my role in my marraige and is a good guideline however at times I did think the author was very black and white where I thought there was a gray area. Overall though I really enjoyed it.

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Jul 18, 2008 Heidi rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Wow, this was CHALLENGING! Debi Pearl puts forth a blatantly honest chapter book, interpreting Scripture about what the wife is called to do/be in a marriage relationship.
Can seem "outdated" but a lot of what she says rings true, even if I didn't "want" it to.

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Nov 21, 2011 Nina rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I started reading this book to see why people were so divided in their opinions of the book, either totally loving the it or vehemently hating it. I went in really open, not expecting to either hate it or love it myself, but just to take what I could from it and leave the rest. When read with this mentality I found that there were many things to take away and apply to my marriage and a few things to just leave to Ms. Pearl's marriage.

I really appreciated the emphasis on attitude, and how having...more

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Mar 09, 2011 Sandra Lassiter rated it 1 of 5 stars

I gave this 1 star because even though there's a lot of good stuff in there, there's also some "poison" mixed in. Would NOT recommend to young brides unless they were thoroughly grounded in the Bible and able to discern good and the bad in this book.

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Jan 12, 2009 Meg rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

pros: it's true, marriage should be 100/100, not 50/50. Being cheerful, and continuing to be the woman your husband fell in love with seems very important. Sacrifice is a part of marriage.

cons: friendships with other women ARE important! Dreams, goals, and personal interests outside the home are not bad things! I disagree that the woman should just 'smooth over' problems with her husband with joy. You should be an active and equal partner, yes one that submits, but not without trust and good rea...more

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Nov 10, 2010 Malia rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

Having had this book recommended to me, I dove in expecting to be challenged and blessed. While it does contain some excellent principles, I found it to also twist Biblical examples to meet her strict standards. Other reviewers concur that readers need to take in this book "with discernment," and I have a problem with that--as it is meant to instruct women to be godly wives according to the Bible. It is dangerous to give a to-do list that is skewed with opinion and false interpretation of Script...more

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Jul 27, 2010 Ruth rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: women, christians, wives, people interested in what being a Christian means.

Recommended to Ruth by: A gift from my aunt

Shelves: relationships, non-fiction, philosophy, how-to-and-self-help, christian

There was a lot about this book that I could take issue with, or that doesn't match up with my belief system. However, I found the nature of the things I disagreed with challenging to my mind and faith in a refreshing way, rather then a frustrating or angering way.

That being said, the end 'advice' for the most part is excellent. It advises women to love, trust and serve their husband, to keep bitterness out of their marriage, and to center their lives on their families. What they call obedienc...more

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