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Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem: Twelve Keys to Finding Peace

4.36  ·  Rating Details ·  156 Ratings  ·  54 Reviews
Guides the reader to the heart's true desire: peace based upon love from and for God and for others. We learn that we never can merit God's love and the good news is that we don't have to -- He loves us regardless. Through Christ's atonement, our complete commitment, and love, "then shall [our] confidence wax strong in the presence of God" (D&C 121:45) even though we d ...more
Paperback, 134 pages
Published August 1st 1998 by Deseret Book Co
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James Carroll
Sep 11, 2007 James Carroll rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone
Shelves: religious
This is one of my favorite all time LDS books! Excellent.

The world says: Your good enough, your smart enough, and gosh darn it people like you.

The gospel says: your not good enough, your not smart enough, and it shouldn't matter what people think, but God is good enough, God is smart enough, and He loves you enough to die for you, with His help, you can accomplish anything that is in accordance with His will. By God's power, He will change our very natures until He makes us good enough, smart
Jul 30, 2007 Stasha rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone
After reading this book, I don't want my family to have self-esteem. There is too much selfishness in the world for us to esteem only ourselves without looking outside to see the suffering of others. I want them to have self-confidence and self-respect but I want them to esteem the Lord, God, and to abase themselves before Him.
Sep 24, 2007 Jenni rated it it was amazing
Brilliant. I'm not much of a church book officianado, but this one is absolutely phenomenal. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone.
May 06, 2013 Tevia rated it it was amazing
Great book. I have avoided reading it for years. It was suggested to me many, many times by my sister and mom. Guess I just wasn't quite ready for the bold faced truths it had to offer. It really made me pause and realize many things about myself that I really knew, but didn't know how to face and then desire to change. It's a deep thing to look at oneself from the inside, and recognize ones utter nothingness, and feel completely relieved by that knowledge.

It was a strange sensation reading thi
Apr 08, 2008 Katies_Faves rated it it was amazing
Shelves: lds-religious
This book is great!

By forgetting ourselves and serving God, through serving our fellowmen -- that is how we find true peace. And isn't that what we're searching for when we want to feel good about ourselves? We will find our true worth when we stop focusing on ourselves and look outwards.

Ms. Rasbind makes a great point about those who spend their lives in need of compliments -- only to keep needing it to feel good about their "self esteem."

I also loved her example of Moses and how he was conc
Aug 28, 2008 Cherie rated it really liked it
This is a thought-provoking spin on "the Lord's idea of self esteem" vs. the "world's." Ester was a Mission Prez's wife who, being the wise and intelligent lady she is, noticed key things about her missionaries (lies they'd bought into) about how to be happy and "find themselves." I think her motivator for writing this work was to counter the New Age "love yourself" and "find your purpose" mentality. AS the Savior said (paraphrasing), "he that saveth his life shall lose it, he that loseth his li ...more
May 29, 2010 Erin rated it really liked it
Recommended to Erin by: Angie C.
Really, Really like this book. It sets the line between what the world sees everyone needs, more of a focus on themselves, and what God sees everyone needs, to have confidence to move forward, try and succeed.

This is a small book, but with a very powerful message. I would recommend everyone read this. I agree with many others this would be a great book to re-read every once in a while. Keep your focus where it needs to be.
This marvelous book cannot be adequately reviewed in this short area. It's truly paradigm-shifting, and life-altering. Bless Sister Rasband for writing this, for being an answer to prayer, and for broadening my narrow views. I'm eternally grateful.
As I am less than a week away from taking my daughter to the states to go on a mission, I felt personally her stories of the missionaries & her calling as mission president's wife.
This will be a book I read again and again.
Marc Hutchison
Nov 24, 2014 Marc Hutchison rated it it was amazing
I wish I'd read this 40 years ago. The search for "self-esteem" is a trap that results in either endlessly seeking other's approval, or blaming others for your failure to "measure up". Unfortunately the "importance" of self-esteem is so deeply embedded in our culture, that we usually never even question it. Sister Rasband does a great job of how losing ourselves in humility is the only way to find peace.
Feb 21, 2011 Jackie added it
Recommended to Jackie by: Marie B.
This book has only about 130 pages and yet it took me awhile to get through it for there was so much to think about in terms of self-esteem from the world's view versus God's view. For me, this book prompted me to do some soul-searching in who I'm becoming and the evolving changes I need to make. I'm looking forward to the discussion of this book at our book group tomorrow night.
Jan 19, 2008 Sarah rated it it was amazing
If your looking for some fluffy feel-good and I'm great just cuz I'm me book, this is not it. Short book, but I found myself frequently laying it down while I let a phrase or sentence "sink in."
Feb 15, 2008 Amanda rated it it was amazing
Haven't quite finished it, a good book to read in sections so you can think about the different ideas. So far the author is right on, and I want to highlight pages at a time!
Aug 18, 2007 Luisa rated it it was amazing
This is one of those books I periodically re-read to adjust my mental/emotional state. It makes you think about things differently and helps me to get back to where I want to be.
Aug 09, 2010 Lee rated it it was amazing
I know a book is worth while when I have to stop and reread sections. I have taken to underlining, highlighting and make notes. Really a great text book on how to find true joy. it may take me years to really finish.
So I am finding that so much truth has come into my life. Years ago my sweet husband told me (when I begged for a compliment) that if I couldn't find in myself the feelings that I had done the right thing, no amount of compliments would make me feel good. He is, as always, so wise. T
Dec 30, 2008 Kathryn rated it it was amazing
Shelves: non-fiction
Everyone should read this book, because the messages in the world today are all about how we can build our own self-esteem and convince ourselves that we are good enough. This is a very misunderstood topic and this book makes it clear that by ourselves, we are not good enough, but the Savior is, and through him we can ultimately become good enough too. Self-esteem is not to be confused with self-worth or self-respect. It is important for us to have those, but we should esteem God, not ourselves. ...more
Nov 08, 2010 mapper rated it really liked it
Rasband explores the phenomenal principle of achieving peace and confidence by abandoning the impossible search for the concept of Self Esteem. Instead, true confidence can be pursued by admitting and accepting our own shortcomings as being exactly what we are supposed to be (at the time). We should not try to convince ourselves that we are already enough. But rather, take what we are and work on improving it, the hard way, through work and obedience to the gospel of Christ.
I found some of the t
Oct 17, 2008 Jill rated it it was ok
I had some problems with the main idea of the book. I felt like instead of bringing peace it made me anxious. Just reading this book made me feel like I'm not good enough or focused in the right areas. I liked some of the things she said, and it's definitely written from an LDS perspective, but I completely disagree with how the ideas are presented, and even some of the ideas themselves. I think from reading this book though, I can formulate an idea that works better for me of what it means to f ...more
Kelley Green
Mar 25, 2008 Kelley Green rated it it was amazing
One of my favorite books because it tells us that confidence doesn't come from searching for self-esteem. That the search for self-esteem only creates self-esteem problems and is never able to be met. Peace (and the confidence that comes with it) comes from just the opposite which is to recognize our nothingness and inspite of that our worth to the Savior, and seeing all He has and is doing for us and showing our gratitude.
Jan 27, 2012 Laura rated it really liked it
A bloggy friend of mine recommended this book--while it may appear to be a simple self-help book, it actually contains some pretty deep Gospel insights. Rasband's premise is that the search for self-esteem (and the accompanying focus on self) hampers our ability to use the Atonement.

The book itself has ups and downs in value, but overall it sparked many ideas--which I thoroughly appreciated.
Oct 24, 2009 Kristen rated it really liked it
I am so glad I was given this book to read. It is a really great book on what self esteem really is and where we really get it. Hint - it doesn't come from ourSELF. I devoured this book. Not something I usually do with this genre. I am now rereading and really pondering this book so I can get even more out of it. A must read for anyone who has ever even thought about what they are worth.
Mar 14, 2011 Delani rated it it was amazing
This book picked me last week while I was browsing through the library shelves. I can't put it down and am soaking up the incredible knowledge and inspiration the author Ester Rasband has compiled. Tons of great quotes. Truly revealing the way to experience true confidence, peace and love in this world.
May 21, 2012 Kirsten rated it it was amazing
This is the kind of psychology I love the most - the ones based on the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's more about the change of heart and living a selfless, Christ-centered life. And the analogies are so well done with all the points being clearly defined so that anyone can find more peace in their life if they're willing to give up the search for self.
Sally Linford
Jan 02, 2010 Sally Linford rated it it was amazing
I was just re-reading this book and remembering how good it is. She articulates exactly my feelings on our culture's self-esteem fixation.
I love her interpretation of the social science research. Unlike most self-help books, I never wished that it had been cut in half.

A quick read. Clear, cogent writing. Thoughtful. Excellent.

I'll add a few quotations tomorrow.
Apr 24, 2009 Danae rated it it was amazing
This is a fantastic book and one that I will re-visit often. I appreciate Esters insight into the difference between self-esteem and confidence. As a mother, there are many invaluable lessons to be learned to help your children discover that true confidence only comes when you are doing what is right in the sight of God. Nothing else matters.
I loved this book! I thought the author had brilliant insights on what truly will bring us peace as we strife to feel more confident about ourselves. She may appear a little extreme to some, but I think she really hit things on the head. Definitely ideas I am trying to apply with myself and intend to apply with future kids.
Justin Hill
Mar 08, 2013 Justin Hill marked it as to-read
Blech. I stopped after two chapters, unable to risk reading another account of the author putting others in their place during a lesson or conference or whatever. I think she might have too much self-esteem about how much better than everyone else she understands self-esteem.
Aug 14, 2011 CynthyB rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I reread this book after shelving it for many years. It was even better this time around--full of wisdom and insight and definitely effective in showing the fallacies of self-esteem opposed to true self-worth.
I highly recommend this book.
May 06, 2008 Miriam rated it it was amazing
This was an amazing LDS perspective of a topic that millions of other books have attempted to address. The author is a former mission president's wife whic struck a familiar chord in my receptiveness for being taught. I loved going beyond just reading into studying this material.
Cera Keeler
Apr 15, 2015 Cera Keeler rated it really liked it
Still thinking my way through some of this material, it's very counterintuitive. Excellent thoughts into our culture, purpose, and desire for inner peace. Important points are made. Absolutely worth reading through in order to investigate your own thoughts.
I listened to this on an audio version a while back. I really liked it. I feel like I have a long way to go to fully understand and be able to apply the wisdom in it, as with most books of this nature.
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