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16th out of 43 books
—
31 voters
Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married
by
Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman writes, "Most people spend far more time in preparation for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage." No wonder the divorce rate hovers around fifty percent. Bestselling author and marriage counselor Gary Chapman hopes to change that with his newest book. Gary, with more than 35 years of experience counseling couples, believes that divorce is t...more
Paperback, 176 pages
Published
August 24th 2010
by Northfield Publishing
(first published August 21st 2010)
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Short read that gives singles, couples, or married folks some critical questions to ask themselves and each other. Those questions could lead to ending an unhealthy marriage or strengthening a waning one.
Maybe it's because I majored in family studies so I've heard/read a LOT of things on strengthening marriages or because I've heard the 5 languages of love one to many times or because this is a book mainly for dating or engaged couples but this book didn't really offer any new insights for me for how to strengthen my marriage. After reading a lot of reviews it sounded like it gave great ideas for already married couples as well, but I felt like once the author brought up something he wished he w...more
ENG / PORT-BR
This book simply saved my marriage. There are things that we know intuitively, but that we do not give due attention; unless a renowned therapist say in a book. And I always spent away from self help books! But this definitely can't be considered a book whatsoever. It shows the real situation of a couple on a daily basis, what every newlywed (and even those that have longer relationships) pass. The ways to solve, what the author makes us see... Is that makes all the difference.
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This book simply saved my marriage. There are things that we know intuitively, but that we do not give due attention; unless a renowned therapist say in a book. And I always spent away from self help books! But this definitely can't be considered a book whatsoever. It shows the real situation of a couple on a daily basis, what every newlywed (and even those that have longer relationships) pass. The ways to solve, what the author makes us see... Is that makes all the difference.
-----...more
This short, concise book was very helpful and had a lot of good ideas. I like that the author relates his personal experiences in his own relationship as examples, and I like the brief little recaps of his ideas from other books. It was enough to give you the general idea without you having to go and get a whole other book! I especially found the section on love languages helpful. I am definitely a 'quality time' person, and being able to articulate to my partner that this is a way he can expres...more
Apr 16, 2012
Mark
rated it
4 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
christian,
relationships
Like many of Gary Chapman's books, this is a fast, easy read filled with useful and practical suggestions. Several of the topics covered in this book at topics I have regularly discussed with people over the last 30 years. My top picks would be How romantic feeling need aren't enough, that you need to work to keep love going. Understanding differences and choosing to love your partner in a way that is meaningful to them. How forgiveness and apologizing are key to making a marriage work. How back...more
Sep 06, 2011
Brittany
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
See my review ;)
Recommended to Brittany by:
Gigill
Shelves:
nonfiction,
self-help
How I Came To Read This Book: My sister had it in her suitcase, and she's currently visiting, so I read it.
The Plot: This book is written by a marriage counselor who himself has been in a long-term marriage - but not without its problems. In 12 short and sweet chapters he details, as the title says, things he wishes he had known before he got married. Each 'issue' is tied back both to conflicts in his own marriage, and to the clients he works with. At the end of each chapter, he provides you wit...more
The Plot: This book is written by a marriage counselor who himself has been in a long-term marriage - but not without its problems. In 12 short and sweet chapters he details, as the title says, things he wishes he had known before he got married. Each 'issue' is tied back both to conflicts in his own marriage, and to the clients he works with. At the end of each chapter, he provides you wit...more
As you can tell by the title of this book, it targets those who are thinking about getting married, in the process of, and newlyweds. I would even suggest this book for a marriage on the rocks; it might help give that couple the chance to step back, look at everything, and possibly see where they can work in order to save the marriage.
I have to admit, my first reaction when I opened this book wasn’t that great. The first thing I read was “On a scale of 0-10, how strongly do you feel the “tingles...more
I have to admit, my first reaction when I opened this book wasn’t that great. The first thing I read was “On a scale of 0-10, how strongly do you feel the “tingles...more
Whether you're already married or intend to be in the near/far future, this is a good book to read. Marriage, like any relationship (but even moreso), requires work; half the battle when it comes to a successful marriage is knowing and acknowledging that up front.
If the name Gary Chapman sounds familiar, he's the one behind the delineation and categorization of the five languages of love-- as well as their counterpart, the five languages of apology. (Who knew?)
It is definitely possible to read t...more
If the name Gary Chapman sounds familiar, he's the one behind the delineation and categorization of the five languages of love-- as well as their counterpart, the five languages of apology. (Who knew?)
It is definitely possible to read t...more
If you like talk radio, then you can listen to this audiobook. Certain genres, for example fantasy, where authors spit names and countries spoken in no known language, don't lend themselves to audiobook form. They require attention to retain important details and follow plot movement. I expect all but the supreme multi-taskers can digest audiobooks only during the most menial chores, e.g. driving and washing dishes.
Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, subject broad, language and conce...more
Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, subject broad, language and conce...more
1 like · like · see review
I guess some might find it odd that someone who's been married for 39 years would read a book writen FOR those who are dating and considering marriag. Well, it was written by a man after he'd been married for quite a few years and there were things he felt were worth knowing, thinking about and talking about BEFORE couples got married; that might actually be useful to know b/c you might just NOT be making the best decision, even though these couples declare they are "in love".
I think a book lik...more
I think a book lik...more
Aug 10, 2011
Abner Huertas
added it
Aunque aún no planeo casarme "Cosas que hubiera querido saber antes de habernos casado" me ha dado una panorámica totalmente diferente a lo que muchas veces uno de soltero considera de lo que es el matrimonio, desde cuidar pequeños detalles como lo es quién limpia el baño, hasta los aspectos más importantes como lo es la espiritualidad y la iglesia.
Si bien es cierto que ninguno de nosotros nace sabiendo como llevar un matrimonio éxitoso, considero que es relevante que exista una preparación para...more
Si bien es cierto que ninguno de nosotros nace sabiendo como llevar un matrimonio éxitoso, considero que es relevante que exista una preparación para...more
There are a couple of chapters in this book I think are very valuable, good enough that I gave it 4 stars. Most of the rest of the book is good, but very elementary- meaning if this is the first relationship book you've read it will be super helpful if you're starting from zero. If you've read a lot of good books or picked up a lot of good information on how to build a successful relationship then most of this book will not contain many new insights for you. But, like I said, even for this well...more
I didn't read every page, but what I read was mostly good. Gary Chapman directs people to look at differences and deal with issues before they become conflicts. It's a wise directive, especially for a life-long commitment such as marriage. Recognizing the inability completely avoid conflict, he also gives practical suggestions on how to communicate with each other on abrasive subjects and how to find solutions to differences. He gives different suggested ways for using the book based on where a...more
This is the sort of book I don't love to read. I bought it for a recently engaged friend as a gift and thought I'd give it a read first. Mostly I read through it thinking how obvious the advice is, but I still think it's a great tool for a thoroughly honest look at a relationship from a neutral party. This is probably a book I'll end up buying for myself as a reference. There are some really painful sentences (grammar-wise)that are worth ploughing through for the overall value of the book. There...more
I wasn't very far into this book when I realized that I was probably not Mr. Chapman's target audience. Yes, I'm engaged, and I'm trying to enter into my marriage thoughtfully. But I'm also not 19, religious, and in the throes of a new love affair so passionate it makes me lose all sense of reason and expect love will conquer all. Perhaps for someone in that state, this book would be more of a helpful guide, since it's much more of a basic primer about how to have an adult relationship. But sinc...more
1 like · like · see review
This was a great to read during my engagement. Luckily, my fiance and I have touched on the majority of it already throughout our relationship and during our premarital counseling. I would definitely recommend it to anyone, engaged or not. It really brings to light the point the marriage is not something to take lightly, as it takes work, but just because you have to work at it does not mean that you are not with the right person! It is really nice to see in writing that you are not alone in som...more
After reading The Five Love Languages, I received this book as a gift, and while some of it was common sense stuff (at least to me), most of it was really helpful. I truly believe that Gary Chapman knows what he's talking about and that if couples can learn to communicate, they can deal with anything. I highly recommend this for people who are in a serious relationship, engaged, married, or have been married for years and years. These are things that it's never too late to hear, especially if yo...more
I'm a big fan of Gary Chapman's writing, having already read The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and The Five Love Languages for Singles. In his latest book, Chapman, an experienced counselor, shares his wisdom about the different stages of love and the common problems that all couples face. Using examples from his own marriage and stories of those he has counseled, Chapman provides expert advice on arguing, apologizing, and forgiving your partner. He also asks readers to cons...more
This was a present from my aunty for christmas. It was an easy read, and it gave me things to think about with my current boyfriend. I told my aunty that my boyfriend and I would read it together, but I think the "Talking it over" questions at the end of each chapter is a good way to get the conversation started.
I especially liked trying to figure out the 'love language' of my boyfriend and talking about the 5 different love languages with him afterwards. I want to read the 5 Love Languages boo...more
I especially liked trying to figure out the 'love language' of my boyfriend and talking about the 5 different love languages with him afterwards. I want to read the 5 Love Languages boo...more
My fiancee and I started reading this book together right away after we began talking seriously about marriage. It led to some extremely important conversations that would have been hard to start without this book as a catalyst. The conversations sparked by this book were essential to the two of us feeling confident that we could have a successful marriage. I give my highest recommendation to this book, especially for couples that are considering getting engaged.
12 Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married provides the wisdom and tools practical to apply to any relationship--specifically marriage. Whether single, engaged, or already married this book is a must read for anyone who desires to cultivate a healthy, fulfilling, and LASTING marriage!
This book provides the knowledge to save couples the frustration and heartache of painfully learning through trial and error but rather provides the experience of others as well as the proven techniques that...more
This book provides the knowledge to save couples the frustration and heartache of painfully learning through trial and error but rather provides the experience of others as well as the proven techniques that...more
Excellent reading! The author provides great advice for couples who are in a committed dating relationship/engaged and intend to get married. Each chapter has an assessment that stimulates open and honest dialogue between the couple.
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and decided to read it together, after I had read it first. It allowed us to clarify some topics as marital roles and conflict resolution.
I highly recommend it!
This was a good quick read on some of the things that I wish to go over before I take the plunge into marital bliss. I agree with most of the things that Chapman states in his advice, mainly because I have been taught them for some time. He went over some of the things that I should hit on with my fiancee before I get married. I would definitely recommend this for those who are about to get married and have no clue what to expect.
Jul 26, 2011
JayJay
added it
A short, basic primer on things to consider or talk through as a couple, especially if you're considering marriage. It seems geared toward Christian couples with some of it's basic assumptions, but it's not preachy either. This will hardly replace sound pre-marital counseling, but it's a start. At times, though, it comes off a bit patronizing, especially if you come from a non-traditional or abusive family.
This was a great, practical book. It did make me 100% grateful and relieved that I'm nowhere near marriage, and it made me think about issues I'd never considered. The book was an incredibly quick read and even though Chapman could have gone into so much more detail, I appreciated the overview and the license he gives the reader to make each issue right for his or her current or future relationship.
This book was written for couples that are in a dating relationship or engaged; however, there is a lot of information that was helpful in looking at my relationship now, and the desire to make it the best it can possibly be. The book was well written (though I think not necessarily as in-depth as it could be) and very understandable. Altogether, a good read for anyone in a relationship and wanting to better understand their partner.
I finished this book, but I haven't "finished" it in the sense that there are a number of questions to discuss with my partner that I think would be some good prep. I think I find the questions more valuable than the stories, since they give a person (single, married, dating or otherwise) some pretty good ideas about major conflicts in a committed relationship. And for that, I am glad I read this quick, easy-to-read book.
May 26, 2011
Lee Hopper
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
couples, engaged couples
Recommended to Lee by:
Amazon
Shelves:
pre-marriage
This book will make you think of things you would never think of until you get married. If you read this book and listen to its advice, then I believe this would be a good basis to start a marriage. Only time will tell and maybe I will update this review once I am married and can confirm that the things that are written are true.
I would like to add that this is a 'light weight' book in the sense that it is accessible to all of those who like to read and also to those who don't.
I would like to add that this is a 'light weight' book in the sense that it is accessible to all of those who like to read and also to those who don't.
This is an AMAZING book, for anyone who wants to know how to have a successful long-term relationship. Even though I'd heard some of it before, Gary Chapman brings the elements of relational balance into new lights with this easy-to-read, interactive text. The exercises are great for couples, but the insights are the must-read!
This is a good, decent book. The author plugs his other books, especially the 5 Love Languages. He brings up good points and things to think about. Everyone is different and brings a different set of traditions, expectations, and personalities, and it is important to be aware of it and discuss it beforehand.
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Gary Chapman has traveled extensively around the world challenging couples to pursue healthy, growing marriages. His first book, Toward a Growing Marriage (Moody, 1979, 1996), began as an informal resource he gave to couples with whom he was counseling. Once officially published, this book became a blessing to thousands of people and helped launch Gary’s popular “Toward a Growing Marriage” seminar...more
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“I think the tingles are important. They are real, and I am in favor of their survival. But they are not the basis for a satisfactory marriage. I am not suggesting that on should marry without the tingles. Those warm, excited feelings, the chill bumps, that sense of acceptance, the excitement of the touch that make up the tingles serve as the cherry on top of the sundae. But you cannot have a sundae with only the cherry.”
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2 people liked it
“People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship.”
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1 person liked it
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12. Juni, 17:03 Uhr