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The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
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The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships

4.06  ·  Rating Details ·  1,061 Ratings  ·  119 Reviews
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In his first book for adults, the New York Times bestselling author sparks honest dialogues between men and women, in the tradition of Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

Only 34 percent of African-American children today are raised in two- parent households, a sharp contrast to 1966, when 85 percent of black children were raised
Kindle Edition, 300 pages
Published (first published 2009)
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Amy Binkerd
Sep 12, 2012 Amy Binkerd rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I was perusing the "bargain books" today and had two classics in my hand. "The Secret Garden" and "Sherlock Holmes:The first 12 original stories." Both for $2.99 a piece. When I came across this one, I read the back cover and quickly put the other 2 back (as I am 1:cheap and 2:coming to the end of my weekly spend money. Dang budget rules!)
Now as you can see by my profile pic, I am as pasty white as they come so why pick up a book about Black relationships? I'll tell you! lol
My husband and I
Kya Publishing Canada
Hill Harper's new book "The Conversation" should be the last book written about black relationships.

It covers all of the topics, the discussions, and the tools needed for readers to move forward in this area, no longer held back by historical, social, and cultural restrictions, perceived or actual.

Released in September of 2009, Harper's third book focuses on "How Black Men and Women can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships" and has the potential to be the definitive word on black love.

Using pers
Nov 08, 2009 Ebony rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: relationships
Harper’s Conversation is harmless. I am exhaling. I can’t remember what it was, but I felt like there was something in the Essence review that made me not want to read it. Then people was all in my ear about The Conversation and since I’m trying to be a relationship researcher and all, I figured I should turn my attention to it. It definitely wasn’t a waste of time, but I’m not going to be re-reading. Besides knowing more about Harper’s relationships, it wasn’t super informative. The only conver ...more
I have to give Hill Harper props for at least attempting to tackle this subject. Black female and male relationships will have you writing volumes that could make Encyclopedia Brittanica jealous. He gets an A for effort, but I really didnt learn anything groundbreaking from "The Conversation".
Yes, marriage is hard, but rewarding work.
Yes, women and men communicate differently, which can cause alot of problems.
Yes, some Black women need to lighten up, smile, and laugh, which will produce a par
Kim Smith
Sep 17, 2009 Kim Smith rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an excellent book and should be in the personal library of every African American. Mr. Harper explores how male/female relationships among African American have devolved into its chaotic and inoperable state as well as what we need to do to restore the cornerstone of our community, the black family. A very interesting read which is as much of a personal journey for the reader as it was for Mr. Harper. I highly recommend!
Jun 12, 2012 Elle rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this book, and I applaud Hill for endeavoring to start the conversation about a very complex issue.
The dynamics of male-female relationships has always intrigued me. Particularly among African-Americans the complexities are varied, and rooted, specifically in this country, in a very tumultuous history. And I agree with Hill in his thinking that the underlying causes for all the confusion, insecurities, uncertainties, selfishness, and misunderstandings are based in fear – fear of reject
Sep 24, 2011 Nikki rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this reading this book. I appreciate Hill Harper for putting his feeling out there. It was refreshing to see him put his own misgiving about relationships in the book.

I don't think he was trying to come off as a relationship expert, I think he put many truths out there. The one thing we hate is truth as much as we say we want to hear it. He gave an interesting prospective from a black man's point.

It still amazes me to see how we are quick to judge and criticize when the truth is hitt
Dec 20, 2012 Keith rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
So I have to give Hill credit for aggressively tackling this subject/issue. As a young Black man aspiring to be successful and raise a beautiful Black family, The Conversation has helped me take on a new perspective of our Black people and our community. This is a mass effort. Everyone being accountable to each other. Men and woman. Unfortunately, we fight against everyone's own morals and ethics. Everyone wasn't raised the same way and therefore may not have the same opionions and beliefs about ...more
Sep 25, 2009 ChaosInGa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Easy-to-read book that focused on CONVERSATIONS w/both single and married men and women about romantic relationships. (Not clinical at all, which I find more interesting) Definitely a good read for those who don't have these types of conversations with their mate/friends often. For those of us who remain engaged in understanding how relationships evolve (or dissipate), reading it helps determine if what is said and hear are universal statements.

Hill even opens up about his personal pitfalls whe
Jasmine Holloman
Hill Harper is one of my favorite author's. His books are always a source of inspiration and wisdom to overcome any situation. The Conversation is no different. I read this book with my boyfriend and even though he is still finishing it up, I believe I learned a great deal about making our relationship stronger. Harper touches on a lot of cliches but the overarching theme is that relationships are hard. They are ALWAYS going to be hard, but the ones that last are the ones built between those w ...more
Nancy Johnson
Jul 16, 2015 Nancy Johnson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is an interesting study on understanding the backstory of and why some think the relationships between Black men and women are so difficult to enter into and sustain.
There are some truths that hit hard, and some info that seem to fit a particular population... like the child-bearing age, upper-middle class population. The people he has "conversations" with, getting their take on particular questions, seem to be very similar in backgrounds. But Harper seems to want to give tidbits on all Bla
Candace Bonner
It is great that he wants to open a dialog. He has offered several examples of questions to ask in the company of men and women to get the conversation going.
I have friends that have parties that ask tough questions about relationships as well. I encourage everyone to get involved in the conversation.
Sep 20, 2012 Ashlee rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
READ IT READ IT READ IT! This book changed my perspective on a lot of things. I feel like this book has helped me to take on a much more mature outlook on relationships with black men. Ahhhhhhh words can't express how great this read was!
Edward Lee
Sep 07, 2010 Edward Lee rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Pretty good, every time I think that a book on marriage from a single man's perspective is not for me - a married man. I turn the page to some deep insight or perspective. Good book thus far.
Sep 14, 2010 Sheree rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I love this book.
Oct 06, 2009 Tradina rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: everyone
The Conversation is a call to the African American community to repair the state of the Black male and female relationship. Hill Harper did a wonderful job addressing the issues we face as a community with our relationships, but not only did he address issues, Hill Harper gave valuable solutions that we can start putting into practice immediately.

I love that the book was not one sided; addressing only the male or female. There was so many nuggets in the book that I cannot name them all, but one
Brandon Montgomery
This book came up in one of my organizations at school and we were only supposed to read the first three chapters. I thought that was a waste of time, so I read it all the way through. The writing was okay, the interviews/questions were fine, but overall, the book suffers from other issues.

First, Harper is not qualified to write this book. I say this on a personal level as well professionally. First, his relationship with (I believe her name was Lauren (it has been a while since I read this)) se
Apr 17, 2012 Cierra rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Oct 13, 2009 Veralyn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I've learned that men communicate w/their male friends the same way women communicate w/their female friends. And a big problem w/black male-female relationships is the lack of communication or ineffective communication. Both men and women should realize that their significant other needs the same type of interaction (w/the same vigor) they provide to their "boys" or "girls". There are too many guards up, even when dealing w/the one you love, that prohibit a meaningful bond to develop. Men can b ...more
Feb 25, 2010 Justine rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book was beyond amazing. It gave an intimate view on the relationships between African American men and women. It talked about all the things that are common within the lives of black people on an everyday basis and the issues that need to be addressed within our communities. Illustrating these issues and presenting resolutions to these problems in the form of a "conversation" is the best way to get through to a group of people. Speaking to them as if they were your close friends, without i ...more
This book was extremely informative about what black men and women want in relationships, how they view the opposite sex, and how black couples view love, sex, and life.

Hill Harper had a variety of "conversations" with married couples, single people, divorcee`s, fiance`s, and friends who all participated and contributed in his collection of answers. Hill Harper is in search of love, not just any love, but a deep, homegrown love. He is also searching his life to learn more about his fears of lov
Jan 19, 2012 Latiffany rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this book. It was my first time reading a book by Hill Harper and he is a great author. I enjoyed it way more than Steve Harvey's contribution to relationship books.

What drew me in was how Harper weaved in his own personal relationship through the story. He made it clear that he was guilty of some of the same faults that women find in men. I also though adding real conversations to the book was a great technique. It wasn't just nearly 300 pages of just Hill saying how he felt. He actu
Desiree Joplin
Feb 05, 2010 Desiree Joplin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I loved this book! I recently joined a book club and we'll be meeting next month to discuss it. Relationships are so very complicated - two people coming together with different life experiences, differnt tools (or none at all) to help with learing to trust, negotiate, and compromise. Hill has conversations with various people about relationship, love, marrige, fidelity, money, stereotypes black men have about black women and vice versa. Add to this the disintegration of the african american fam ...more
May 09, 2015 Sylvia rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I learned quite a bit about the delicate and often precarious interaction that impacts female/male relationships. Hill Harper did a fantastic job at covering all the bases concerning love, intimacy, and partnerships in relationships. I love the fact that this subject was important enough to Mr. Harper, to hold a gathering at his home, where a discussion between his female and male friends took place. Mr. Harper seemed very interested in their opinions on relationships, marriage, divorce, etc. an ...more
I'm not a fan of the whole looking at relationships for ethnicity stand point. This is just one more label that we assert on each other. To be honest I really didn't want to read this book, but it was required reading for my book club.

I get that there is a destruction of the black family, I get that we like to lump each other into groups. I get that we often make sweeping and incorrect judgments of each other. All the points he put forth, is common knowledge.

Overall the book had a lot of good p
Margaret Carmel
Let me preface this review with the fact that I'm a young white woman with little relationship experience and I only read this book because it was free.

I have never read any kind of a self help book before, so this was a departure for me. While not all of the advice in this book pertained to me, what did was very helpful. Communication is key. Mean what you and say what you mean.

The parts that were more directed to blacks were interesting because they taught me about the world of my black frie
Mar 01, 2011 Chandra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

Great book on communicating and getting passed some of the generational baggage we all carry from one generation (parent/grandparent/aunt/uncle) to the next. If you are really looking to connect with you partner and open serious dialogue and communiction to better yourself and your relationship this is definitely a good reader.

Be prepared to lay down some of the old judgements, stereotypes, hangups, and insecurities towards each other. Whether it's interracial relationships, baby mamma drama, d
Jan 10, 2012 Eboni rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I applaud Mr. Harper for attempting to address relationships in the Black community. We desperately needed a book that touched on things that are specific to our community. That being said, I thought the book was just okay. There was nothing groundbreaking or new about the information given in the book. There was nothing that I hadn't heard before or nothing that I couldn't have written myself. I did enjoy Hill's insight into his own life and his own relationship. I appreciate his transparency.
Jan 27, 2015 FaithToshi rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I think this is a good read . I like how he is interviewing black couples, single men and women on relationships. Really interesting and informative. The only problem I'm having now with the author, and being interested in his other relationships books or his take on African-American due to the fact he is dating outside his race. Nothing personal against him as a writer but just turned me off on his views and opinions on how black women and men should act in a relationship with each other. Other ...more
Danielle Ruffin
Feb 25, 2011 Danielle Ruffin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I think this is a good way to bring up discussions with your mate if you are not comfortable. Every phrase that was catching I shared with him. We went through every question at the end and DISCUSSED them and was also surprised that we had discussed so much of it already. One of the questions was how do you achieve a healthy relationship and I believe one way would be to share this book from cover to cover. It opened doors we did not even know were closed and I feel this book is one to be revisi ...more
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Francis Harper, known professionally as Hill Harper, is an American film, television and stage actor, and author. An alumnus of Harvard Law School, he is best known for his portrayal of Dr. Sheldon Hawkes on the CBS drama television series CSI: NY.
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“The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often political, nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of” 2 likes
“Now this might get me into trouble but I’m just going to write it. Many of my most jaded female friends want a man who has already “arrived” and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I’ve noticed that if many of these women hold up a mirror to themselves, they would realize that they are still “works in progress,” as well.” 1 likes
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