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I Was Told There'd Be Cake
Wry, hilarious, and profoundly genuine, this debut collection of literary essays is a celebration of fallibility and haplessness in all their glory. From despoiling an exhibit at the Natural History Museum to provoking the ire of her first boss to siccing the cops on her mysterious neighbor, Crosley can do no right despite the best of intentions-or perhaps because of them....more
Kindle Edition
Published
(first published April 2008)
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HOW TO WRITE A MEMOIR/PERSONAL COLLECTION OF ESSAYS LIKE SEDARIS, BURROUGHS, VOWELL, KLOSTERMAN, AND NOW SLOANE CROSBY:
So you want to be a successful memoirist/personal essayist? Follow these ten steps and wait for the book deals to roll into your mailbox!
1. Write about your upbringing in ways that make it sound charming in its quirkiness (e.g. the Vowell/Klosterman strategy), charming in its weirdness (the Sedaris strategy) or terrifying (the Burroughs strategy). Under no circumstances should y...more
So you want to be a successful memoirist/personal essayist? Follow these ten steps and wait for the book deals to roll into your mailbox!
1. Write about your upbringing in ways that make it sound charming in its quirkiness (e.g. the Vowell/Klosterman strategy), charming in its weirdness (the Sedaris strategy) or terrifying (the Burroughs strategy). Under no circumstances should y...more
What can I say?
I never intended to read this book. I probably never would have, had I not received it in a publicity mailing at work. The day it arrived, I was between books and just wanted something to read on the subway. So I did. And then I kept reading.
I tend to not like to read books by "successful" people around my age. If the books suck, I'm angry for wasting my time. Worse, if they're actually good, I'm angry that this person, who might as well be me, actually had the motivation and ene...more
I never intended to read this book. I probably never would have, had I not received it in a publicity mailing at work. The day it arrived, I was between books and just wanted something to read on the subway. So I did. And then I kept reading.
I tend to not like to read books by "successful" people around my age. If the books suck, I'm angry for wasting my time. Worse, if they're actually good, I'm angry that this person, who might as well be me, actually had the motivation and ene...more
I started writing a review 1/2 way through the book because I had a lot to say about Ms. Crossley. I'm posting the 1/2 way point review because I just couldn't finish the book.
*****
I’m more then 1/2 way through “I Was Told There’d Be Cake”, a book of essays by Sloane Crosley. I started it Sunday, by this morning’s bus ride I’ve plowed through this book relatively easily. She’s a good writer. She manages to keep my ever wandering attention as I over stimulate myself on Muni with a coffee, my ipod...more
*****
I’m more then 1/2 way through “I Was Told There’d Be Cake”, a book of essays by Sloane Crosley. I started it Sunday, by this morning’s bus ride I’ve plowed through this book relatively easily. She’s a good writer. She manages to keep my ever wandering attention as I over stimulate myself on Muni with a coffee, my ipod...more
I gave this book a snarky review a few years ago that several GoodReads readers liked, but since reading the whole book (and maturing maybe just a tiny bit), I feel much more generous toward Crosley and her brand of innocently naughty humor.
I don't know your name. Not really. Your name on this site is at least as likely to be fictitious as it is to be true. My name is Caris. This is my real name.
More often than not, when people see my name independent from my person, they think I am female. I cannot tell you how many times I've been referred to as Miss O'Malley during role call on the first day of high school. And I probably don't have to tell you how mortifying that was. As an adult, I've come to appreciate it. I feel that I've go...more
More often than not, when people see my name independent from my person, they think I am female. I cannot tell you how many times I've been referred to as Miss O'Malley during role call on the first day of high school. And I probably don't have to tell you how mortifying that was. As an adult, I've come to appreciate it. I feel that I've go...more
this book isn't bad, but it isn't good either. it just is. most of the essays are about as quirky as your mom after two glasses of wine, putting her hand over her mouth and gasping about the 'sh-' word. sloane crosley is scared she will suffer an untimely death and whoever cleans out her apartment will find her stash of toy ponies. ... this is not really the stuff of shocking hilarity.
it's almost quaint in its lack of risk-taking. sloane crosley comes across as a sweet, self-depreciating, smart...more
it's almost quaint in its lack of risk-taking. sloane crosley comes across as a sweet, self-depreciating, smart...more
First, I have to be fair-I only read about 3/4 of this book because it was all I could stand. Maybe the last 1/4 was amazing.
I found it rambling, uninspired, boring and not very funny. It sounded like the stories you tell your friends-your friends think the stories are funny because they know you. Maybe they even tell you that you're really funny and you should write all these stories down and publish them because you are so funny and your stories are so unique. But you know better. You know tha...more
I found it rambling, uninspired, boring and not very funny. It sounded like the stories you tell your friends-your friends think the stories are funny because they know you. Maybe they even tell you that you're really funny and you should write all these stories down and publish them because you are so funny and your stories are so unique. But you know better. You know tha...more
I found that each essay had, hovering in the background, an exquisite sadness. An aching. To belong, to have belonged. A desire to not fuck up despite a penchant for fucking up.
This book may be, on the surface, a collection of humorous essays; but a ghost, called Lost Opportunities, hovers beneath that glassy surface, knocking.
Longing to breathe.
Longing to breathe the air of a wider, gentler world and to drop the burden of the "Lost".
To be found.
This book may be, on the surface, a collection of humorous essays; but a ghost, called Lost Opportunities, hovers beneath that glassy surface, knocking.
Longing to breathe.
Longing to breathe the air of a wider, gentler world and to drop the burden of the "Lost".
To be found.
Sloane Crosley is similar to me and my friends in education, background, life experience, career trajectory, and the like. The big difference is she has a book deal, and we do not. As such, I tried to read this with an open mind and not hate her off the bat.
Turned out that was all an unnecessary gesture on my part, as even someone completely remote from her experience would realize she is one of the most talentless hacks to come along in ages. This book was unbearable! These "essays" (more accu...more
Turned out that was all an unnecessary gesture on my part, as even someone completely remote from her experience would realize she is one of the most talentless hacks to come along in ages. This book was unbearable! These "essays" (more accu...more
Apr 15, 2008
Michele
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
20-somethings
Essays for Twenty-Somethings
Always on the lookout for a new, fresh voice, and one touted as a "mercurial wit" on a par with David Sedaris and Dorothy Parker, had to be good, right? Well . . . I'm sorry to report these front and back cover comparisons are just good copywriting. I'm not saying this author isn't talented. She is. She's funny, smart, quirky, writes well, and has a few 20-something stories to relate to, perhaps, essay-readers of her generation and fellow Manhattan-ites who may never...more
Always on the lookout for a new, fresh voice, and one touted as a "mercurial wit" on a par with David Sedaris and Dorothy Parker, had to be good, right? Well . . . I'm sorry to report these front and back cover comparisons are just good copywriting. I'm not saying this author isn't talented. She is. She's funny, smart, quirky, writes well, and has a few 20-something stories to relate to, perhaps, essay-readers of her generation and fellow Manhattan-ites who may never...more
Jul 09, 2008
Felicity
rated it
1 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
No one (not even my worst enemy!)
This book is so awful, so awful I couldn't bring myself to finish it. Maybe I just missed the punch lines (I think these essays were meant to be humorous), but my overwhelming response to these essays was "So what?" Apparently, they are based upon Ms. Crosley's life--I hate to break it to her, but I just don't think her life has been that interesting. The final affront was an apparent joke in her less-than-humorous essay about a possible move to Australia (thank goodness for us Australians she n...more
This was our May 2008 book club read...can't say I was thrilled with it. The point was often missing from many of the essays, and while I laughed and happily flipped through the pages, the content seemed better suited for a blog than a book. Crosley has a good voice, but I just didn't see the magic that other essayists - like the ubiquitous but amazing David Sedaris - bring to their books. You won't be bored reading this, but it's more like you're listening to your friend tell you some funny thi...more
The nice thing about a collection of essays is that you can read one, put the book down, and come back to it later, and not really have to remember what you read before.
Even if I hadn't been stuck on a plane for 6 hours, I probably would have read most of Sloan Crosley's essays in one sitting. They're funny and a little sad, and easy to relate to. I couldn't put the book down, and frankly, I didn't want to.
Thanks Sloan Crosley, for making my six hour flight to Boston (in the middle seat, no le...more
Even if I hadn't been stuck on a plane for 6 hours, I probably would have read most of Sloan Crosley's essays in one sitting. They're funny and a little sad, and easy to relate to. I couldn't put the book down, and frankly, I didn't want to.
Thanks Sloan Crosley, for making my six hour flight to Boston (in the middle seat, no le...more
If someone wants to read this book, I am willing to swap.
Sloane Crosley writes essays about herself. She has a smooth, polished writing style. Her titles are great – standouts include “The Pony Problem,” “Bring-Your-Machete-to-Work-Day” and of course “I Was Told There’d Be Cake.” Some of her essays are funny and insightful. I particularly liked “The Ursula Cookie” and “Sign Language for Infidels.”
Memoir writing is popular now, but there are pitfalls. The first has to do with staging. Basically,...more
Sloane Crosley writes essays about herself. She has a smooth, polished writing style. Her titles are great – standouts include “The Pony Problem,” “Bring-Your-Machete-to-Work-Day” and of course “I Was Told There’d Be Cake.” Some of her essays are funny and insightful. I particularly liked “The Ursula Cookie” and “Sign Language for Infidels.”
Memoir writing is popular now, but there are pitfalls. The first has to do with staging. Basically,...more
The jacket of this book simultaneously sold and ruined the book for me. I bought it based on the blurb on the cover (from Jonathan Lethem no less!) comparing her to David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell, and the back where another author calls her the twenty-first century Dorothy Parker. I was intrigued. The power of the blurb: I probably wouldn't have even picked up the book in the store without them, but those are some pretty big shoes to fill, and I think my expectations were a little high.
I enjoye...more
I enjoye...more
Jun 16, 2009
Jason (FNORDinc)
rated it
1 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Shelves:
reviewed,
reviewed-on-fnordinc
“I was told there’d be cake”
Sloane Crosley.. we had such high hopes for you.
reading your pony story in radar, it seemed that reading your book was an awesome idea. if something makes you smile that much and it is only a single chapter from a book.. the rest MUST be excellent… right?
no. couldn’t have been more wrong.
when this book was first purchased, i was very pleased to read the pony story again. i imagined with horror the looks your family would give, when stumbling across your plastic pony c...more
Sloane Crosley.. we had such high hopes for you.
reading your pony story in radar, it seemed that reading your book was an awesome idea. if something makes you smile that much and it is only a single chapter from a book.. the rest MUST be excellent… right?
no. couldn’t have been more wrong.
when this book was first purchased, i was very pleased to read the pony story again. i imagined with horror the looks your family would give, when stumbling across your plastic pony c...more
Oct 01, 2008
Tim Lepczyk
rated it
1 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
no one really
Sloane Crosley isn't the reason I dislike most creative nonfiction, but she writes from the same sense of smallness that leaves me as a reader thinking, so what? So, you collect plastic ponies, so you've lost your wallet and had it returned a bunch of times, so you were a maid of honor and a jerk to your friend, so you almost were sick but just ate too much spinach instead, who cares?
What bothers me about creative nonfiction/the personal narrative which we are teaching college freshmen across th...more
What bothers me about creative nonfiction/the personal narrative which we are teaching college freshmen across th...more
May 31, 2008
Aaron
rated it
2 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Those wanting to learn to become more effectively self-referential
Recommended to Aaron by:
salon.com
It's hard not to blame David Sedaris for Sloane Crosley. I mean to use "blame" lightly - I don't think Sloane Crosley is a thing anyone should necessary be sorry for, but by popularizing the whole "my family is weird in a way that is eccentric but essentially without serious conflict" genre of self-data mining, he's opened the door for people like Crosley to tell very similar stories about their OWN harmless strangeness.
I suppose this is essentially livejournal lit - as a blog, Crosley would be...more
I suppose this is essentially livejournal lit - as a blog, Crosley would be...more
A quick, fun read -- essays of a 20-something living in New York. As I spent half my 20s in New York, it took me back. Sloane Crosley has a nice wit and turn of phrase, and can pull you in from the first sentence of her various essays. Here is how three essays started:
"As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during the day."
"In 1978, my mother painted an abstract picture of herself holding a red orb in her palm. Tw...more
"As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during the day."
"In 1978, my mother painted an abstract picture of herself holding a red orb in her palm. Tw...more
Jul 25, 2008
Christina
rated it
1 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
social anthropologists in the year 2200
I learned nothing from this book. Except, had I thought to compile my blog posts and everyday suburban thoughts into a book of essays, I could have been published by age 30.
Sloane would be the spokeswoman of my generation if she had anything moderately interesting to say about us. However, after reading her book about our shared lives of relative privilege I feel as though I was raised in Wonder Bread world with not so much as a dash of Arby's sauce. I have no idea why any of the stories about h...more
Sloane would be the spokeswoman of my generation if she had anything moderately interesting to say about us. However, after reading her book about our shared lives of relative privilege I feel as though I was raised in Wonder Bread world with not so much as a dash of Arby's sauce. I have no idea why any of the stories about h...more
It's true that to enjoy "I Was Told There'd Be Cake," you have to be in Sloane Crosley's target audience, and it's true that her target audience is a fairly small group. Sloane writes for people just like herself... young professionals with a suburbanite upbringing, trying to make it in [insert industry here] in [insert big city here].
Sloane is a young publishing professional trying to make it in New York City.
Replace "publishing professional" with "lawyer" and replace "New York City" with "Wash...more
Sloane is a young publishing professional trying to make it in New York City.
Replace "publishing professional" with "lawyer" and replace "New York City" with "Wash...more
I really liked this book. More than I expected and more than is justified by the quality of the writing or the stories. The bottom line is that this is a book about twenty-something girls who grew up in the suburbs and live in New York - and I like that (much as I like myself). It also probably marks the first time I've read a book that described someone's childhood and realized, by the shock of recognition, that it occurred during the same time as my own (Crosley is five years older than me). O...more
Jun 12, 2008
Julie
rated it
2 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommended to Julie by:
Amazon
I was attracted by the title, since the presence of cake is a major motivational force in my life. Unfortunately, the book didn’t come with cake, and it was poorer for it. While I admired some of the sharp prose, I felt that I was reading a weird cross of The Devil Wears Prada (and all the other young-woman-just-out-of-college-finding-her-way-in-NYC novels) and David Sedaris: memoir-type essays written by a woman in her late 20’s in NYC who works menial jobs in publishing. She covers the indigni...more
Jun 03, 2008
Cherie
rated it
3 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
people who love funny essays
Recommended to Cherie by:
read about an author reading
The comparison on the cover to Vowell and Sedaris is hyperbole. Just because she lives in NYC and writes funny essays does not make her as good as they are.
The essays are funny, but not hilarious. The essay about being a bridesmaid was something to which I could relate in some ways. But overall, she just seemed like every other middle class suburbanite who moves to NYC after college to work in publishing. They get jaded, they feel superior because they've read a lot of classic literature, they w...more
The essays are funny, but not hilarious. The essay about being a bridesmaid was something to which I could relate in some ways. But overall, she just seemed like every other middle class suburbanite who moves to NYC after college to work in publishing. They get jaded, they feel superior because they've read a lot of classic literature, they w...more
It's always fun to find a book where you go, I wish i were friends with this author. She has a dry sense of humor, but like this morning on the train, laugh out loud moments as well. In a chapter on her nerdy Oregon Trail phase, "Like a precursor to the Sims, you were allowed to name your wagoneers and manipulate their destinies. It didn't take me long to employ my powers for evil. I would load up the wagon with people I loathed, like my math teacher. Then I would intentionally lose the game, st...more
I'm not sure if she has her own voice or she just does a great 20-something female David Sedaris pastiche -- right down to syntax, inflection, and self-effacing solipsism -- but I laughed, I cringed, I gave the book to my kid sister. It's a quick, fun read.
First half was ok but nothing special. The bridesmaid chapter was HILARIOUS! (This book was actually loaned to me by someone after I'd been asked to be a bridesmaid for someone and was trying to figure out how to graciously turn her down. I've been a bridesmaid more times than I can remember, and this chapter really helped to remind me how stressful and expensive and annoying an experience it can be under the best of circumstances.) The last few chapters were fairly enjoyable, but maybe that's j...more
Maybe my expectations were too high. Great reviews, a comparison to Vowell right on the cover ...what's not to like?
Turns out, the author. Ok that's probably a little harsh and while I'm sure she's actually perfectly nice girl, the way she's presented in the book was just this side of annoying. There was no connection for me, I didn't pull for her to succeed or have sympathy for the situations she found herself in. Who actually agrees to be in the wedding of someone you haven't so much as spoke...more
Turns out, the author. Ok that's probably a little harsh and while I'm sure she's actually perfectly nice girl, the way she's presented in the book was just this side of annoying. There was no connection for me, I didn't pull for her to succeed or have sympathy for the situations she found herself in. Who actually agrees to be in the wedding of someone you haven't so much as spoke...more
I'm officially placing a moratorium on comparing any essay writer to David Sedaris. A word processor and a solipsistic need to "express yourself" does not a talented memoirist make.
Disingenuous cover blurbs aside, while some of the pieces were funny, I was eventually turned off by Crosley's flagrant abuse of the colon and her thoughtless sense of humor. The joke about Mormons in her second essay was not only offensive--it was cliché.
Disingenuous cover blurbs aside, while some of the pieces were funny, I was eventually turned off by Crosley's flagrant abuse of the colon and her thoughtless sense of humor. The joke about Mormons in her second essay was not only offensive--it was cliché.
I kind of feel as if Crosley had a few good ideas for some essays and then was told to make it a book, which forced her to add some really stupid shit. There's no doubt that Crosley has some serious potential as a writer...we'll just have to wait and see.
WASTE OF TIME (but there are some nuggets in there)
WASTE OF TIME (but there are some nuggets in there)
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Sloane Crosley (born August 3, 1978) is a writer living in New York. She graduated from Connecticut College in 2000 with a degree in creative writing. Her essays and criticism have appeared in The New York Times, BlackBook magazine, The New York Observer, The Village Voice, Playboy Magazine, Maxim Magazine, Mirabella, and numerous other literary journals and websites. Her collection of essays, I W...more
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