The Alto Wore Tweed (The Liturgical Mystery #1)

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The Alto Wore Tweed (The Liturgical Mystery #1)

3.85 of 5 stars 3.85 · rating details · 310 ratings · 84 reviews

Hayden Konig is the police chief in the small Appalachian town of St. Germaine, North Carolina. His part-time job, however, is serving as the choir director and organist at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, but he’s also determined to write the next great hard-boiled mystery novel a la Raymond Chandler — a liturgical mystery novel with no real plot, but enough bad prose to ma...more

Paperback, 144 pages

Published July 1st 2002 by St. James Music Press

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Apr 24, 2013 Julia rated it 4 of 5 stars

This is not great literature, but definitely fun to read. It's light reading -- I read it in less than a day. It's a murder mystery -- but really more of a parody of classic detective stories. The lead character/narrator is a small town police chief whose first love is church music; he is also the organist and choir director for St. Barnabas Episcopal Church and a wannabe mystery writer. Sections of the story he is writing are interspersed throughout the book; they are printed in italics, so it...more

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Dec 28, 2011 Mary Ronan Drew rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle

This first in a series of very funny mysteries that takes place in a North Carolina mountain town, is filled with puns, sly references to music and musicians, and satire aimed at the Episcopal Church, all done gently and with charm. Other titles by Mark Schweizer include The Baritone Wore Chiffon, The Soprano Wore Falsettos, The Bass Wore Scales, and The Mezzo Wore Mink.

Hayden Konig is not just the police chief of St Germaine and an aspiring mystery writer, he is also the holder of a degree in...more

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Sep 07, 2011 Jon rated it 3 of 5 stars

I almost gave up on this one after 25 pages--the quality of writing seriously put me off. Then I noticed that most GoodReads reviewers gave it four stars, so I gave it some more time. I'm glad I did. Eventually I got on the author's wavelength and realized that he had the same off-beat sense of humor as Carl Hiaasen or Christopher Moore (The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove). The writing improved as it went along, and apparently it gets quite good, since a later book in the series (The Soprano Wor...more

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Sep 05, 2011 Rosemarie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor, mystery, ebooks, reviewed

This is a flat-out, fall-down funny mystery!

When Willie Boyd, sexton at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, is found dead in the choir loft, having spewed all over the keyboards of the organ in the process; Chief Detective and Choir Director Hayden Konig suspects poison. It was poison, but the bottle of sacramental wine Willie had filched and drunk, the only thing he is known to have consumed, is not the source.

Many people disliked Willie, including the new priest, Mother Lorraine Ryan, whom many Ch...more

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Aug 19, 2011 Jeannie and Louis Rigod rated it 4 of 5 stars

I wasn't sure what to expect with this book. It is listed as a 'Liturgical Mystery.' Yet, it was also mentioned to me by fellow readers that it was really funny. Well, this book is both!

A small town police chief dreams of being an author, so much in fact, that he purchases Raymond Chandler's Underwood typewriter. Hayden Konig is his name and he is also Choir master, and organist of St. Barnabas Episcopal church.

Hayden is well liked and rather famous for his liturgical service music. Thankfully,...more

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Jul 03, 2011 Eric_W rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor, mysteries-and-thrillers

Our hero, Hayden, is a chief of detectives (the only detective in town) by day and the rest of the time choir director at the local Episcopal church with a master’s in music composition and a degree in law enforcement.. He drives a ‘62 Chevy that has rolled over the odometer four times, according to the notches he keeps on the steering wheel, and it’s fully equipped with blue lights, siren, and really expensive Marantz stereo speakers. He keeps his ticket pad in the office.

He had a standard way...more Our hero, Hayden, is a chief of detectives (the only detective in town) by day and the rest of the time choir director at the local Episcopal church with a master’s in music composition and a degree in law enforcement.. He drives a ‘62 Chevy that has rolled over the odometer four times, according to the notches he keeps on the steering wheel, and it’s fully equipped with blue lights, siren, and really expensive Marantz stereo speakers. He keeps his ticket pad in the office.

He had a standard way of eliminating dates that seemed incompatible or were going nowhere: the Knock n’ Bach strategy. First stop is knockwurst and sauerkraut followed by the Credo from the B minor Mass (one of my all time favorite pieces of music by-the-way.) Before he met Megan who actually loved the stuff, he had a well-earned reputation as a boring date.

The new female minister (Herself) at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church is less traditional than he would like, and requests they sing Kum-Baya. He demurs and doesn’t hand out the music so during the service the minister winds up doing a solo. “She had sounded vaguely like Ted Kennedy doing an impression of Willie Nelson on a bad day. Altogether, it might not have been the effect she was hoping for. The congregation, for some strange reason, didn’t join in, but sat there, mute, as if suddenly struck dumb by the Holy Spirit. “Sorry,” I had said after the service, “I thought you were just kidding about Kum-Baya. But you did a great job.”

Hayden is also a wannabe writer and the title of each book in the series is the title of the book he happens to be working on. His girl-friend Meg, keeps pointing out how awful is his writing and suggesting he enter the Buler-Lytton contest for bad sentences. He prints out a chapter each week and distributes it in the choir folders so the choir has something to read during the sermon. Filled with ridiculous similes and metaphors, the reader is treated to the book within a book. For example: Pulling up a chair, she sat down gracefully, crossing her tweed-covered legs with an elegance belying the sound of tweed-on-tweed, a sound not unlike forty Amish farmers shucking corn. . . She was really ranting now. I could always tell when they were mad. This one was beet-red and her hands were clenching and unclenching the loaded shotgun that I had left sitting on the table. I suddenly realized I had made a tactical error. Still, I had her hooked like a tweed tuna and I had to reel her in. “These ain’t metaphors. Only an idiot would try to use an unlicensed metaphor in a detective story. These what I’m usin’ is similes pure and simple.” I lit a cigar

Some wonderful scenes. I think my favorite is accident scene Hayden is called to where Carleton’s wife leaped through the sunroof of his car, splatting on the pavement. When queried as to why she might have done that, Carleton replies she thought it was the Rapture. She started screaming ‘He’s back, He’s back.’ Then she climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped out of the car.” “Excuse me?” Nancy stopped writing, raised an eyebrow and looked Carlton in the face. “She thought it was the Rapture,” Carlton continued, shaking his head. “You know, like in those Left Behind books. She thought Jesus was going to lift her up into the sky. Look, I was trying to slow down, but she wouldn’t wait till I stopped.” “Why would she think it was the Rapture?” I asked. “We passed a half-dozen naked people floating into the air and then she saw Jesus.” “She saw Jesus?” Nancy asked, pen poised over the paper but seemingly unable to take any notes. “Well,” said Carlton, gesturing toward the pickup truck, “anyway, she saw Arlen.” Arlen Pearl was dressed in a white sheet leaning against his old pickup. He was in his mid-thirties I’d guess, but I didn’t know for sure. He had shoulder length blond hair and a beard but, in my opinion, he didn’t bear much resemblance to Jesus. The tarp came off Arlen’s truck and the eight sex dolls floated off into the sky. “I stopped the truck by the side of the road and I was shouting at the dolls ‘Come back here.’ I guess my arms were up in the air like this,” he said, lifting his hands toward the heavens. “I just wanted them to come back. Sheesh. They cost almost thirty dollars apiece. I was going to sell them to the guys after the party. Then Carlton comes racin’ by and Darlene jumps out of the sunroof.” She was convinced He was coming for her and climbed through the sunroof to get a head start. Priceless.

The naked dolls reappear at inopportune (depending on your point of view) moments throughout. Another classic is when Herself is having a wymmin’s conference and as they chant outside the church, The drums and cymbals began anew with restored vigor to the refrain “Sophia, Sophia, Sophia, shower us with your love.” As they chanted together, their collective voices straining to a frenzied pitch, suddenly one of the womyn screamed and pointed to the sky. They all glanced heavenward and there, framed by the full moon which was still low in the sky, was the goddess Sophia herself. She hung there for a just moment, transfixed in naked beauty, before drifting into a power pole and landing against a transformer. The resulting explosion and shower of fire that rained down on the wimmyn priests was enough to convert most of them back to orthodox Christianity. Four of them checked into the hospital with “severe emotional distress.” Six got into their cars and went home immediately. The goddess Sophia met her untimely end amid the fragrance of electrical conflagration and burning latex. The girls and I just stood and watched with disbelief. “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” said Georgia thoughtfully, “but Arlen won’t be very happy.” Not to mention the Bishop’s memo that all new compositions had to have at least 50% non-white notes.

I intend to read all of this series. Had me LOL.(less)

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Jul 07, 2010 Judy rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book about a detective (in a police force of three) and choirmaster of an Episcopal church, St. Barnabas, in a small moutain town near Boone, North Carolina. It is funny in a silly, silly way. I probably didn't get all of the musical jokes and it definitely helps to have had experience with an Episcopal church, the clergy--including a bishop or two--and the quirky characters that make up the congregation to fully appreciate the humor. Hayden Konig is a millionaire who has become a member of...more

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Dec 17, 2011 Patricia Rockwell rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is absolutely the type of mystery I enjoy most. The main character spends his time attempting to solve a mystery--not trying to elude some bad guy. There are a lot of unique-even quirky--suspects from which to choose. The plot is complicated and there are a host of fascinating clues. And finally, there is humor! Lots of it!

In THE ALTO WORE TWEED (the first of many of Schweizer's liturgical mysteries, we meet Hayden Konig--police chief of the small North Carolina town of St. Germaine. He's a...more This is absolutely the type of mystery I enjoy most. The main character spends his time attempting to solve a mystery--not trying to elude some bad guy. There are a lot of unique-even quirky--suspects from which to choose. The plot is complicated and there are a host of fascinating clues. And finally, there is humor! Lots of it!

In THE ALTO WORE TWEED (the first of many of Schweizer's liturgical mysteries, we meet Hayden Konig--police chief of the small North Carolina town of St. Germaine. He's also the choir director for St. Barnabas Episcopal Church. The title derives from Hayden's attempts to write the perfect Phillip Marlowe-type detective story, with uncertain success. I'm assuming he will continue to master the style in the following novels. Luckily for the reader, Hayden also keeps us informed of the crime happenings in St. Germaine and his attempts as police chief to solve them.

In this book, the church janitor is found dead, apparently poisoned, and Hayden and his small team of Dave and Nancy must attempt to determine the who, how, why, where, and when. In their efforts they encounter numerous suspects--mostly comprised of church members and staff--as it seems many people found the janitor more than a little unpleasant. Along the way, Hayden uncovers other unusual crimes--and I do mean unusual. For example, one victim succumbs when she climbs out of the roof of a moving vehicle and leaps to her death when she sees a man on the side of the road releasing human-shaped helium balloons--and believes him to be Jesus.

I laughed out loud many times each page of this book. It is witty and full of sly observations about small town life, the Church, art, history, relationships, and--well, just about everything. I will say that my very favorite part of the book is Archimedes, but I won't tell you who or what that is. I just fervently hope that Archimedes appears in future volumes. I highly recommend that you read the book yourself and find out what I'm talking about.

(less)

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Jul 28, 2011 Karen Syed rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebooks, kindle, mysteries

I found this book in an ad in the sidebar of Facebook. I was amused by the image of the author and the brief description of Liturgical Mysteries intrigued me. So, I clicked on the link which took me to Kindle and I bought the eBook.

As a publisher, I was surprised by the number of errors in this book. They range from mispelled words to grammar and punctuation. I was also surprised that I enjoyed the story so much I didn't care about them.

As a reader, I could hardly put my Kindle down. It was fast...more

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Aug 29, 2011 Deb rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011-books-read, kindled-ebook

After my summer of George R.R. Martin, I needed a light, humorous read and this first "Liturgical Mystery" by Mark Schweizer fit the bill perfectly! Hayden Konig is the full time police chief of St. Germaine, NC AND the part-time volunteer organist and choir director at the local Episcopal church. He's also a would-be author in the style of Philip Chandler. When the unpopular sexton is found murdered in the choir loft, the investigation is on. Was the murderer Mother Ryan, the new, ultra-feminis...more

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Feb 17, 2013 Ngnadig rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is the first book in Mark Schweizer's Liturgical Mystery series. I discovered the series before Christmas when I stumbled upon The Christmas Cantata, his Christmas offering that is a departure from the series. I enjoyed the sweet, funny, engaging work enough to check out the series. Each book became increasingly more addictive. Hayden Konig, Police Chief and church organist/choir director,in St. Germaine, North Carolina, solves murders in between skewering (tongue-in-cheek) liturgical issue...more

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Jan 24, 2009 Rebecca rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: mysteries-adventure

This mystery was a fun read. The small town police detective moonlighting as the music director at the Episcopal church solves a murder. In the mountains of North Carolina. And a Bernese Mountain dog makes an appearance. Gosh, why does that sound so familiar? But this one is humorous, which is a nice change. I notice that most of its humor pokes fun at women in the church and choir (especially altos - is he afraid of us?), and with gosh-darn little of it directed at men, which seems a little one...more

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Jan 16, 2013 girl writing rated it 2 of 5 stars

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Apr 11, 2013 Pauleta added it

I love a cheesy mystery. And this is pretty cheesy. I'm also a church choir nerd. And this is...

about a small town church choir, a murder, a choir director and organist who doubles as the town sherriff and also happens to be independently wealthy with a computer degree and a not-so-useful music degree all while writing run-on sentences in his film noir books... oh, he also keeps a gun in the organ bench. (That's actually no big deal since at least one of the choir members keeps a flask in her c...more

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Sep 08, 2012 Margaret rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is the first in a series of tongue-in-cheek murder mysteries written by a musician - a church musician at that. The hero is chief of police in a 2 1/2 person police department in the fictional small town of St. Germaine in Watauga Co., NC. He is also the organist/choir master at the local Episcopal church. Haydin fancies himself as the writer of hardboiled thrillers, a la Raymond Chandler, whose typewriter he bought in a Christie's auction. The chapters of his current opus are placed in the...more

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Oct 03, 2010 Beverly rated it 2 of 5 stars

This is the first I've read of this series and the first of the series--I may read another to see if the plotting improves. The main character is a police chief/church organist in a small NC town. He wants to be a noir mystery writer. Strangely, there are two stories here: the one he is writing and the one he is living. For my money, he could have left out the one he was writing. Although I came to skim most of that, I found no connection between the two. If you've read it and have other ideas,...more

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Sep 26, 2011 Tracey rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mysteries

This was a very funny and fluffy book. As an Episcopalian and a musician, I loved all the liturgical and musical references, and I laughed out loud several times. I have to say that the publisher would be well-advised to hire a decent copy editor, though. The puppy that gets mentioned? Probably isn't supposed to be a "Burmese Mountain Dog," but a "Bernese Mountain Dog." And there were a number of really bad grammatical errors and typos throughout.

I still plan to read more in this series, though,...more

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Mar 01, 2010 bookczuk rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: bookcrossing, places-i-have-been

I fully expected to throw this down after a few pages, but it somehow appealed to a quirky, choir type of way. I liked the references to the music, much of which I knew, and the references to some choir jokes. I also liked the references to the parodies that Hayden made, the "tribute" to Phillip Marlowe and the way Hayden's cabin in the woods sounded. Not quite like our little cabin, but both have owls and mice, and the occasional squirrel. Ours, however, lacks a stellar sound system, not to men...more

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Mar 28, 2011 Erin Bell rated it 4 of 5 stars

Beginning of a wonderful series of mystery stories, based on a main character who is both the organist at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church and police chief in a small North Carolina town. This character also owns Raymond Chandler's typewriter, which he purchased through an auction, and he attempts to write Chandler-esque mysteries in his spare time.

These books are funny, creative, and steeped in the author's understanding of music as seen through the eyes of church musicians. Which is a funny thing...more

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Oct 03, 2012 Nancy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: anglophilia, mystery

This book is one long inside joke. If you have never been in a church choir, or to a liturgical based church, you likely won't get it. You should probably skip it.

If you have, you might find this so funny at points that you have to find someone to share it with, read it out loud, and then can't read anymore because you are laughing so hard you are crying. The Advent I service (with the incense) and the alto trying to get her sweater off without taking off her robe both had me in total tears. (Di...more

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Oct 03, 2010 Josh Hamacher rated it 4 of 5 stars

My parents - who seldom agree on anything - both highly recommended this book (and the entire series) to me. I borrowed the first one to try it.

And I absolutely loved it. It's a very tongue-in-cheek, lighthearted mystery. I think I had a grin on my face throughout the entire novel (it's a fast read) and laughed out loud several times. It's fun, it's silly, it's not to be taken seriously. My only complaint is that the resolution wasn't entirely satisfying, but I'm more than willing to overlook th...more

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Apr 20, 2011 Sara rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, kindle

So...I grew up in a small town, have completed graduate work in music, worked for a long time in a church as an organist, and have a soft spot for old detective stories. Consequently, I loved this book as it felt like it was written just for me!!! I couldn't stop giggling at all the craziness, so I purchased the rest of the series for my Kindle. The first 4 are only 99 cents right now, a small price to pay for hilarious writing! I loved this book, but I can see where some people may feel a bit l...more

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May 31, 2010 Debi rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle

Fun times! I've found a mystery series that is hilarious! Setting: small town in North Carolina. Detective: police chief of said small town (only three policemen on the force) who part-times as the organist/choir director of the local Episcopal church. Oh, and he also writes detective stories about a detective who is a choir director.

There's about seven books in this Liturgical Mysteries series. This one is the first and I'm eating it like cotton candy.

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Feb 26, 2013 Scott rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: mystery

I loved some of this book such as the mystery, the humor, the music references, the church insider jokes, the characters but I did not like the percentages spent on each.
I would have preferred more mystery, a lot less humor, a lot less music references, quite a bit less of the church insider things and would have preferred a lot more character development.
I thought the book was going to be a mash up of Lake Wobegon, Don Knotts and Agatha Christie - I was wrong.
I enjoyed it from time to time and...more

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Aug 04, 2011 Stephen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Since Edgar Allen Poe wrote "Murders in the Rue Morgue" in 1841, the murder mystery has been a literary genre. From it, numerous sub-genres have evolved: the cozy, the police procedural, the caper, the noir. "The Alto Wore Tweed: A Liturgical Mystery" by Mark Schweizer is in the sub-sub-genre of the Episcopal-musicological murder mystery. This is the first in a series of novels in which the protagonist, Hayden Konig, is both the organist-choir director at Saint Barnabas' E... (show more)

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Mar 10, 2010 Carl rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed this liturgical mystery quite a bit. There's a mystery within a mystery laid on top of a book about being a church musician, which makes it fairly unique as well. You might have to be a church music geek to truly appreciate what Schweizer writes about being an organist, choir director and working relationships with clergy and choir members. There were a lot of laughs in it for me.

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Nov 04, 2010 Julia rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010-list

A fun, fast read that reminded me why I miss singing in choirs - you take your music seriously, but very little else. Throw in a light attempt at Chandler, some Appalachian charm and a murder to drive the plot along and you've got the Alto Wore Tweed. The only thing missing is a soundtrack to all the musical references.

Thanks to Bookczuk for the book and the recommendation!

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Jan 26, 2012 Rachel rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was predisposed to like The Alto Wore Tweed, the first in a series by Mark Schweizer. It's lighthearted crime novel, it's set against a musical background and it channels Raymond Chandler - what's not to like?

Well - here's a book which is bursting with great ideas and that's its problem for me. It's just trying too hard. Pastiche Chandler is fine except Chandler himself did it better. And the central figure being a choirmaster as well as a cop works, except he's also an author writing Chandle...more

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Oct 30, 2008 Catherine rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Catherine by: Nicole

The first reason I enjoy this series of books is because it's set in the mountains of North Carolina, and constantly references places I know from my college days (Boone, Blowing Rock, Appalachian State). Secondly, it is fun for those involved in church music in any way. Thirdly (is that a word?), small towns make for such interesting characters. The only drawback is that Mark Schweizer is a little overboard in his cynicism regarding female clergy and alternative worship. But then again, the who...more

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Apr 05, 2013 Nancy Haddock rated it 5 of 5 stars

I couldn't imagine what to expect from a "liturgical" mystery, but my hubby bought this one for his Kindle. And laughed most of the way through the book. I just finished it, and, yes, I also laughed throughout most of the book. This is hilarious with a a very good mystery plot. Not the normal cozy, but great fun!

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About Mark Schweizer

In 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obv...more In 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.

Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?

In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.

In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.

“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.

In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.(less)

More about Mark Schweizer...

Books by Mark Schweizer

The Baritone Wore Chiffon (The Liturgical Mystery #2)

The Soprano Wore Falsettos (The Liturgical Mystery #4)

The Tenor Wore Tapshoes (The Liturgical Mystery #3)

The Bass Wore Scales (The Liturgical Mystery #5)

The Mezzo Wore Mink (The Liturgical Mystery #6)

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