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New Moan: The First Book in the Twishite Saga: A Parody (Twishite Saga #1)

3.60  ·  Rating Details  ·  1,130 Ratings  ·  96 Reviews
Plenty ofoverwrought prose and melodramatic angst mark this fang-sharp parody ofnumber-one New York Times–bestseller New Moon



"I want to bite you, Heffa. I want to bite you very hard. I'll be gentle, I promise. If you really loved me, you'd let me."

Heffa Lump is just a typical pale 17-year-old who doubts that anyone will ever see her true beauty and needs to grow up and get
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Paperback, 272 pages
Published July 1st 2010 by Michael O'Mara (first published October 22nd 2009)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 2,418)
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Melanie
Jan 27, 2014 Melanie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I've always loved Parody's whether they be films or books and this book was no exception.
From the first pages I was laughing, sometimes with tears in my eyes! The book follows the story of Heffa Lump whom is so self centered you can't but help note her reactions in the early book to those of Bella in Twilight but for totally different reasons. Teddy was so naive and I loved the 'special' part about vampires not being able to go out in the sunlight and the reason behind it (I shall not add the sp
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Literary Ames {Against GR Censorship}
Reviewing as I read...

Right from the beginning it rips into Twilight with delightful abandon but it does a good job of pointing out the many flaws in Meyer's writing.

Heffa (aka Bella) is vulger, self-obsessed and I'd like to kill her even more than the original character. Oh and the vamps eat raw meat, weird but some of the character names are apt e.g. Wanda Mensional.

Warning: To be digested in small amounts. I'll probably read a little bit everyday until I finish. It's that full-on.
Kavita Ramesh
Nov 15, 2015 Kavita Ramesh rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I almost gave it four stars, because it went on for WAYYYYY too long, but then that would have been mean-spirited, because it was a wonderfully written parody. There were several laugh-out-loud moments, and the author eviscerates both "Twilight" and "New Moon", as well as the movies based on them.

Most of my friends reacted this way after reading Twilight:



However, I was quite taken with it at first. I liked it all the way up to the third book, but never read the novella or the fourth installment.
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Emily
I liked Twilight for a while in 2008 before i realised truly how awful it is. And now i am quite the Twilight hater. Ok, not so much hater but the extent to which it is obsessed over angers me to the core. The series does not deserve the praise and attention it recieves and Meyer is definitely overrated. So, i bought this book mainly for a laugh and to read someone else's perspective on how utterly ridiculous the whole idea actually is. And, this made me laugh quite a lot. I loved that the write ...more
Joost
Wat drinkt een gezonde vampier? DraCOLA Light! Oké, een vampiergrapje, zoiets kan je verwachten in de parodie van Twilight. Wat ik van dit boek vond? Lees mijn recensie hier: http://nerdygeekyfanboy.com/recensie/...
Georgina
Dec 02, 2011 Georgina rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
This caught my eye on the returns shelf at the library so I grabbed it thinking I'd read it if I had nothing else on the go. After extending it twice I picked it up and read the first page...

...and kept reading.

This book is outstanding!

Be warned, however, if you love the Twilight Saga, don't do it to yourself - it's like bungy jumping without the rope - you know what the outcome will be and it won't be pretty.

Similarly, if you hate everything Twilight going on the hype alone and haven't actually
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Jen Roberts
Nov 03, 2012 Jen Roberts rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Okay, so yes, this book is completely ridiculous and merely written to take the p**s out of The Twilight Saga, which if you closely read is actually just as cheesy, and no, there is no purpose this book serves but to make you laugh, and I think that people completely underrate that. It is actually a very funny book, a good bit of light reading, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'd recommend it to anyone who just wants to sit down and have a little giggle at a silly book.
Janelle Dazzlepants
It’s a bit difficult to review a parody novel, as I can’t really offer a solid, serious critique on something that’s designed to purely take the piss! New Moan is a hysterical parody of Twilight, and it really leaves no stone unturned - or unparodied.

Stephfordy Mayo perfectly captures Bella Swan’s arrogance and self-absorbedness in the protagonist Heffa Lump, a former child star who transfers to the town of Spatula to attend a show business school designed to take her to stardom as an adult.

Th
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Bethan
Dec 02, 2010 Bethan rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Loveliest Evaris
Apr 14, 2012 Loveliest Evaris rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Twilight haters, parody fans
I don't care what anyone says: I LOVE this book. Sometimes people make parodies go the wrong way and they either end up being unfunny or worse than the original, but to me this hit EVERYTHING dead on with a nail gun at 100 feet.

The Mary-Sueness of 'Bella', the weird thing that the doctor keeps biting people, the fact that 'Bella' keeps trying to pressure 'Edward' into sex, the fact that she's so 'woe-is-me-no-one-likes-me when in reality everyone wants to hang around her... Everything was captur
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Becky
Aug 06, 2011 Becky rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This was an awful book. It was cheesy, unoriginal, and not funny. I feel the sole purpose was to make fun of twilight, but not in a good hearted way, but a way to just be a jerk and make fun of something people like. If you are a twilight fan then i would not recommend reading this novel at all. If you hate twilight, like REALLY can't stand it, then you might like it a little more than me, but it was badly written.
Laura
Feb 07, 2014 Laura rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I love the Twilight Saga and I love this parody. I mean, Twilight was really successful in the last years. I read all books, watched all movies and read every newspaper articles about this saga. I am a Twihard. And than came this book out and I thought "Okay. Let's buy this and look how it is". This is the best parody I've ever read. I've never laugh so much about a book. Love it!
Susan
You have to be in the right state of mind to enjoy this book, and it may make a LOT of Twilight readers really mad, but if you have a sense of humor, you can see the funny side of it.
Packed with inuendos, double entendres, stupid names, it makes fun of the nature of Twilight Saga characters. All the names of characters seem to be plays on words...such as Wanda Mentional and Joe Cohontas. The book highlights characteristics, like Bella's selflessness, and Edward's perceived perfection, and in som
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Sille
Jul 24, 2011 Sille rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I got this book as a birthday present. In general, I seriously dislike parodies of any type. There's no point in showing me the latest remake of someone's song with stupid lyrics or even stupider video, another 'The Best' parody of Harry Potter or in this case... Twilight. I don't know what I dislike about this concept. Maybe I just find laughing over something cruel or maybe the parodies I have seen haven't been too good.

This book started out pretty fine - I found myself even sort of enjoying i
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Cheese
May 07, 2013 Cheese rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
In gist, this book is like a concentrated dose of Scary Movie 1-5. Spoof MAX. Funny/amusing in the beginning but becomes dull as the story continues. Not recommended to be read in 1 sitting. For the long review, read on.

Well, this book is a tricky one. If you somewhat like Twilight or is a fan, I would suggest you stay away. The book already says Twishite on its cover. However, if you are a Twilight hater because of the movie, the acting, someone who wouldn't even go near the books after watchi
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Charlotte M.
I must say that this book was better than the Twilight series, and I read it because anything making fun of Twilight is usually humorous. But I could've done without the sexual references on every page. The second half of the book up until the last 50 or so pages is probably the best, because the author got tired or ran out of ideas on sexual references he could add in. I read this book while I was in school, and the constant sexual references made me check over my shoulder to make sure no one w ...more
Courtney (Storybook Slayers)
Aug 18, 2011 Courtney (Storybook Slayers) rated it did not like it
Shelves: own
More reviews at Rondo of a Possible World: YA Book Reviews

I'm sorry this book just didn't keep my interested. The only reason I didn't dump it off was because I always finish a book when i start it and this one, half the time I just wanted it to end already. The beginning was funny I'll give it that but towards the middle I just hated the narration, the stupidity, the over-obsessiveness and just everything the book had to offer.

Yes, if I was more in tune with it, i'd have laughed on every pag
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Inge (Inge1990)
It is normally not me, to not finish a book. However, I didn't finish this book. Why? Because it is just a bad book. IT had a lot of potential, you know, a parady of twilight, you can make a lot of fun stories with it.. However, when you only focus HEffa beiing a pain in the ass and thinking she is the best the world could offer, is just plain easy writing. Actually it is annoying as hell.. I wonder if Stephofdy actually thought about that. Easy writting is almost never giving a proper book. And ...more
Kristi Lynn
I was really excited to get this book and to read it. I loved the Twilight books, but as anyone who does, can admit, there are some things you could joke about (although I still do love those books). I had read some reviews on other sites about this book and they said it was hilarious. Great, I could use a chuckle.

Two chapters in, I am SO bored. The main character is a pretentious snot. Not even a funny pretentious snot. Just down right rude and, well, ridiculous. I just could not read anymore.
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Sherinaz
Jul 19, 2015 Sherinaz rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is definitely a good parody book for parody readers; I don't know how the Twilight fans would take this but from my understanding by watching the films, i can totally appreciate this book.

it's brutally hilarious; right from the preface to the very end! it's the preface that won me over to pick up this book and i never regret of owning this.
it is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. if not, it will still make you giggle inside because it is so stupidly funny.
Like seriously stupid but i get
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Danielle
Mar 19, 2015 Danielle rated it really liked it
Shelves: reviewed-books
I will be honest, I read the Twilight books and was not a big fan. I just found parts to be too much. But to each his own. A friend gave me this book because she knew how I felt about the Twilight series. This book had me giggling from the very beginning. It was just the best parody I had read in a while. If you are not a big Twilight fan I would definitely recommend it.
Anaïs
Jan 13, 2016 Anaïs rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book is really freaky. I mean sinds when is Edward Teddy, is Bella Heffa and are those to really acting like irresponsible teen agers i you want to laugh this book is what you need i mean it.
Foggy Cupcaketree

Okay, I as you can see I started this book in December, and now, five months later, I'm still on chapter 2.



I think the reason I really didn't/don't like it, is that I haven't read the book. New Moan is a parody, but you can normally read it, and still find it funny. I didn't find this funny, and if Bella is just a little like this one, I'm never goign to read to read Twilight. As in ever.

So, New Moan wasn't for me, I'm not gonna give it another try, and, hopefully, never hear about this again.
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Marcia
Jun 06, 2013 Marcia rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: english, vampires
I've never read a parody before, so I didn't know exactly what to expect. But I thought this book would made me laugh a lot. Unfortunately it didn't..

I'm not a twilight-hater nor a huge fan, so that's not the reason why I didn't enjoy New Moan. I thought this parody was way over the top and with too many sexual references.
A few comments on Stephenie Meyer's writing style made me laugh a little, but I really can't give this book more than one star. I don't think I will ever pick up this book aga
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Lisa
Jul 16, 2011 Lisa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I loved the Twilight books, so I was no really sure why I selected this book from the shops, being a parody on Twilight. I was hooked from the first reference to "Spatula" and found myself laughing out loud and disturbing my resting husband. I had read many reviews of this book which were not positive, and am glad to say that I did enjoy this book, thoroughly. It pointed out many flaws that I missed in the Twilight series, though I only missed them as I was so engrossed! Stephordy Mayo, I hope t ...more
Nikki
Aug 18, 2013 Nikki rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Now I've never read the twilight novels although I have read the first graphic novel & that was painful frankly. So when I saw this I had to pick it up, a quite funny read, the characters were amusingly over the top & brutally honest in personality unlike the orignals. There's some amusing takes on pop culture & some funny fourth wall breaking. It has it's flaws but it's enjoyably cheesy & a must have for any twilight haters, this is not a nice parody for the fans. Funny stuff.
Meg
Apr 18, 2014 Meg rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Funny and clever. Love it.
Gemma
Mar 11, 2012 Gemma rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: comedy
I read the first chapter of this in Waterstones and laughed a lot! As a lover of Twilight, I guess I shouldn't have enjoyed this how I did - but it was hilarious!
I loved how the author points out really ridiculous things about the books that you don't really notice - like how when Bella goes to live with Charlie, she does ALL the cooking - whatever did he do before?? - she finds him eating his own belt! Very silly, but very very funny!
Kyla
Jul 08, 2012 Kyla rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
A wacky, good time. Doesn't make a lot of sense, but then again, why should it? More crude humor than subtlety, but there is some of that too.I laughed out loud a few times and suppressed more than a few snickers. I'd recommend it to those who read the books just to make fun of those nutty twi-hards and those of us with a good sense of humor who still harbor a secret love of twilight (but still admit that Bella needed to get a life)
Melusine Parry
Mar 31, 2016 Melusine Parry rated it really liked it
Shelves: parody, twilight
this is actually pretty funny!
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