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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

3.85  ·  Rating Details ·  130,545 Ratings  ·  6,350 Reviews
When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power--vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo, or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world, a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the ...more
Paperback, 264 pages
Published 2008 by Simon Spotlight Entertainment (first published May 1st 2007)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
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Jason
Horrible. Chelsea Lately is a great show, and Chelsea Handler a talented comedian. But this book is bad. A colossal disappointment. The whole crass “shock value” thing wears thin really quickly. I might have laughed a couple of times, but not enough to warrant even a second star.
Monique
Mar 13, 2009 Monique rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Cutting edge, funny sexy stories. Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and raunchy better than any woman.

I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating cynical
...more
Leah
May 14, 2008 Leah rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: those looking for a light, entertaining read
Admittedly, I don't usually read books like this, but found Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to be an overall entertaining collection. The first four essays were, far and away, the 'best' in the collection. Until reading this book, I had no familiarity with Handler.

Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align them just so - and thusly make
...more
Alexis
Apr 29, 2008 Alexis rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Ah Chelsea, Hilarious. Read this on the plane ride back from atlanta. She never disappoints and I'm certain i annoyed rows 18 and 20 of Airtran Flight 176, and possibly rows 17 and 21 at certain points in the book with my laughter. Would recommend it to anyone :)
Lyndsey
Buhwahahaha! This woman is easily the funniest woman in the entertainment industry. Yes, she's rude and crude, and definitely not for the prude. But I just can't help it. I love her. She brings out the evil maniacal laugh in me, if case you didn't already notice.

Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life : A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you uncomfortable, don't
...more
Dan
Oct 08, 2009 Dan rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
This sort of book and the positive outpouring for it make me really feel like I must have missed the boat somewhere in the last couple decades of culture or something. Maybe it is that I have never seen Handler's stand-up and came to this book expecting something a little bit different. Perhaps Handler's shtick is that she is merely making a tongue-in-cheek imitation of the cliche "mean girl" that we all know from our high school days. But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting ...more
Alexis
Jan 10, 2008 Alexis rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was just as much fun as Handler's first but possibly darker. Not that she got meaner or grosser but in this book I was often wondering, since for the most part, Handler does seem to actually wish to not overtly hurt anyone's feelings, how obvious it was to the people discussed that they were subjects. Some of them seemed to deserve it but nonetheless, this newer book seemed meaner. Handler has fantastic stories- I don't care if she has made them all up. I think her books are being mark ...more
Cooksonmom
Aug 10, 2008 Cooksonmom rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: mybooks
Okay, I sent this back to the library...half way through. It started to collect dust and when it was reading time, I just didn't want to pick it up. The library was begging for it back and I figured after 7 weeks, I wasn't going to finish it. I got this book because Chelsea's show is funny and sometimes outrageous. I wanted to know more about her, but it is so couched in comedy(what did I expect, right?) that it's mildly disappointing. I liked the book (at least the half I read), it's funny, how ...more
Nicola
Feb 03, 2009 Nicola rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
I’d read quite a few 5-star reviews of this book and when, after the first chapter, it didn’t immediately grab me, I decided I would be contrary and choose to hate it. Luckily, I found a lot more to like beyond the first chapter, so I can put aside my contrarian impulses and say I found it an enjoyable read.

Vodka takes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea tells her en
...more
Allison
Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea

Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel, Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one. Are you there Vodka? chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary widely, one factor
...more
Robyn
Oct 26, 2011 Robyn rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Before I say anything regarding my rating of this book, it needs to be said how much I love Chelsea Handler. I love Chelsea Lately, and I love her standup routines. She is a spunky, hilarious individual, and I have always admired her for that. I was really excited to read this book, because so many of my friends have enjoyed it and because I am a Chelsea enthusiast. Unfortunately, this book didn't do anything for me. Sure, the anecdotes were funny at times, but I think I would have received them ...more
Lena
Jul 02, 2008 Lena rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
I picked up this copy of Chelsea Handler’s humor memoir because I thought the title was hilarious. The rest of the book did not disappoint.

Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading more of a written
...more
Sheri
Sep 02, 2011 Sheri rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviewed
Chelsea Handler's uninhibited storytelling and vulgar sense of humor make for a fun read. She has a gift for storytelling that will keep you laughing through each unbelievable and sometimes embarrassing real-life journey. This book is full of good, inappropriate fun. If you offend easily, you probably should not read it. Otherwise, have a good laugh!
Judy
Feb 02, 2009 Judy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
What was I thinking when I put this book on my list of audios that I wanted my audioflix service to send me? Oh well, give it a try, I thought, as I slid the first disk into the proper slot in the minivan. Well, I'm glad that I still have my lightening reflexes and battle tested driving skills because I was careening down the interstate laughing out loud at this book while going 80 miles per hour (and you thought that driving while talking on the telephone was dangerous). Chelsea Handler picks s ...more
Caroline
Apr 23, 2008 Caroline rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This woman deserves the nobel prize. It's just not fair that we all don't have the talent and intelligence to make everyone laugh this hard for 2 hours straight. The world would be a better place. I couldn't put it down. My favorite story was her midget fetish- oh wait sorry, "healthy obsession". Dude that's just so far over the line that she erased the line.
Lisa Bogart
Mar 26, 2015 Lisa Bogart rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Perfect mindless vacation read with plenty of laugh out loud moments.
Jill
Jan 29, 2008 Jill rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who has a sense of humor about sex, dumb people, drugs & family.
Recommended to Jill by: Entertainment Weekly and Jen Meyer
Yes please.

I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.

So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.

I'm a bad person.

*********

This book is frigging am
...more
Nicky
Jul 20, 2008 Nicky rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoy Chesea Handler's books. Granted, she has some timeline issues (as a pop culture expert, I just grate my teeth and move on when shows/movies/what-have-you are referenced well before their time), and whoever is proofing her books REALLY needs to do some punctuation checks. That being said, she is so unpretentious and raw, which is a nice change from the uber-polished essays of late. She's not trying to be anything but funny, and really, that's refreshing. I think her next book shoul ...more
Becky
Chelsea Handler is... raucous. That's the best term I have for her. She's just too much. Her stories can be hilarious, but they seem ridiculous, over the top, try-hard. It's like she was like "What's funny? I know, vaginas! Well I'll dye mine purple, and then make it burp the national anthem... in pig latin! That's SUPER-funny!"

Sure... I guess. I laughed, but I think things are funnier when they are less LOOK-AT-ME, more of a dry, sarcastic wit. There was that too, but... *shrug*

Some of her sto
...more
Tressa
Jun 26, 2008 Tressa rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: nobody
Shelves: humor
I enjoyed Chelsea Handler's first book, My Horizontal Life. It was self-deprecatingly funny, and I imagined that a lot of the things that happened in the book actually happened to Ms. Handler.

Her new book is over-the-top and unflattering to her family. She could learn something from David Sedaris and other humorist writers about how to write about one's family and life with some wit and subtlety.

And jokes about race and abortion are just not my cup of tea.

What a disappointment.
Tracy
This is the funniest book I have listened to in a really long time. To say Handler has a funny bone is putting it mildly. I was cracking up so hard and loud people glared at me. Seriously, glared.

Handler has taken bits of her life or someone's life and made an amazing story out of it. I only wish I had her other books now. Alas, I'm on that eternal hold list at the library. If you need a good laugh I would definitely recommend Handler!
Teechbiz
Apr 03, 2010 Teechbiz rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Living in a vacuum I had no clue who Chelsae handler was. A friend recommended the book but I wasn't that impressed.
Danna
Apr 05, 2010 Danna rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Stand-up comedy is very difficult to translate into essay form, and obviously it helps to be a fan of the comedian first. Since I'm totally unfamiliar with Handler, that may account for how underwhelmed I am by her book. It seems most Goodreads reviewers loved this book in particular, and Chelsea Handler in general, but I agree with another one-star reviewer who said: "But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting with Handler throughout the book to be basically impossible." It's n ...more
Shelleyrae at Book'd Out
I'd really been looking forward to reading Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea, saving it up for a day when I needed a laugh or three. Sadly it barely raised a smile. The narcisistic and self indulgent style of the essay's just didn't appeal, I prefer something a little more self deprecating. It's always refreshing to escape the PC police but Chelsea went overboard, tipping into contrived irreverence. Her midget obsession was disturbing rather than amusing.
Poking fun at someone is not the same
...more
Jennifer
Dec 15, 2009 Jennifer rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
The Good: I liked Are You There Vodka so much more than My Horizontal Life. I actually kind of get why people really like Chelsea Handler and are interested in her life and stories. This book didn't shy away from her sexuality, but rather just put its main focus on the ludicrous situations she gets herself into without a common theme. She comes across as very humorous in this collection and it may very well motivate me to read some of her other books.

The Bad: You still have to take Handler with
...more
Sandy
Nov 28, 2014 Sandy rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I had no idea what this book was about and had never heard of Chelsea Handler but was curious about the title which caught my eye.

While she is witty and boasts some excellent repartee that elicited some laughs from me, that was not enough to redeem her vapid character and desire to entertain by shock value.

My only question was whether people like her actually inhabit the same planet as I do.
Alena
Apr 29, 2015 Alena rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
My better nature tells me that I should definitely not find Chelsea Handler as funny as I do. She's crude, mean-spirited and offensive, but...
I couldn't help but laugh, and laugh often. Audio wasn't a great choice however; I think I would have liked this more if I could have digested it in smaller portions.
Brittany (brittanymariereads)
Chelsea Handler is hilarious! Be prepared for drunken antics, vulgar stories and a ridiculous amount of laughs. Chelsea is unapologetic. She tells it like it is and isn't afraid to laugh at herself.
Christinabybarra
Aug 06, 2015 Christinabybarra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
If your sarcastic and an asshole this book is for you, I friggin loved it! Laughed non-stop
April Cote
I love Chelsea Handler. She doesn't try to be politically correct, she is bluntly if painfully honest, and she holds nothing back about herself. I laughed out loud, many times while reading the chapters about her life on dating, friends, and family.
If you like Chelsea Handler and want a easy read that will make you laugh, pick this book up, pour yourself a drink and plan to laugh your ass off.
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, Chelsea Lately (airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m.). Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, Chelsea Lately offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths, and rumors that ...more
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“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” 469 likes
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” 250 likes
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