The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir by Elna Baker

Feb 23, 2012 Ian rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Estelle Rigault, Jenna Maroney

Shelves: tripe, comedy, essays-and-autobiographies, politics, religion, romance, society

"Garcin, come and lend a hand. Quickly. We'll push her out and slam the door on her. That'll teach her a lesson... Don't listen to her. Press your lips to my mouth. Oh, I'm yours, yours, yours."
--Estelle Rigault, No Exit by Jean Paul Sartre

_________________

I knew Ms. Baker for several years back in NY. She was in my circle of acquaintances and I went to a few of her stand-up shows. As a result, my reading of this book is informed by personal encounters with and observations of Ms. Baker, and is...more "Garcin, come and lend a hand. Quickly. We'll push her out and slam the door on her. That'll teach her a lesson... Don't listen to her. Press your lips to my mouth. Oh, I'm yours, yours, yours."
--Estelle Rigault, No Exit by Jean Paul Sartre

_________________

I knew Ms. Baker for several years back in NY. She was in my circle of acquaintances and I went to a few of her stand-up shows. As a result, my reading of this book is informed by personal encounters with and observations of Ms. Baker, and is therefore potentially biased. I should also point out that I find David Sedaris a tremendous bore. Here is what I got from her book, which, I must remind you, is intended to be a quirky comedic autobiography:

Elna Baker is a tragic figure, desperate for attention. Any attention. From anyone. For just about anything. She reminds me of Estelle Rigault from Sartre's "No Exit", a woman hopelessly seeking to define herself through the eyes and approval of others, but doomed to unending torment because the people whose approval she seeks are not looking at her, and she cannot bear to truly look at herself.

She never really understands the religion with which she half-heartedly identifies herself (and which she frequently misrepresents). She never really grasps anything beyond the broad caricatures of it which she sees in popular culture, or in the non-religious cultural practices which she seems to mistake for the religion itself. It's rather like a nominally observant Jew believing that eating Chinese food on Christmas and listening to the Maccabeats are what defines "Jewishness". She makes no efforts to see anything beyond her a priori assumptions. This book left me with the distinct impression that all of her willfull ignorance and indolence were the result of the fact that doing anything more would require a level of introspection and genuine interest in other humans which is somehow beyond the author.

As many other readers have noted, Ms. Baker comes across as a tremendous narcissist, and it is truly disturbing how much time she spends deceiving others, either to win their approval and acceptance...or to simply amuse herself at their expense.

Much of what she does also seems to be a sort of sub-conscious "striking back" at the strawman she has created out of the jealousy she felt towards her sister -- blow after blow leveled against a villain who never existed anywhere outside of Ms. Baker's own psyche. Elna seems to deeply resent her successful, supportive, loving sister, not for anything her sister has actually done or said, but for the simple fact that Ms. Baker believes that her sister is/was the more physically attractive of the two. And in a remarkably anti-feminist twist, being seen as sexually attractive makes up a good deal of what really matters to Ms. Baker. In this respect she also reminds me of the Dwarf/Thespian in C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce", so caught up in her posturing and self-pity that she cannot see that she has only ever been diminishing herself and driving away those who truly loved her. (see also Pink Floyd's "Outside the Wall")

As I said, she is a tragic figure, but she is unaware of this fact. She thinks she is being bold and daring -- that she is some sort of incredible rebel -- but it's immediately clear that everything she does and says is designed to get attention and assuage her ever-growing insecurities. Deep down, Elna Baker is terrified of herself, and terrified of having to choose a side. "LOVE ME!" she cries, "But don't look past my surface, and don't make me look at myself either!"

I hope that I am wrong and that I have somehow disastrously misread this book. But more than that, I hope that some day, as an older, wiser, stronger, healthier adult, she will look back at this and say "Good riddance!" to the sort of girl she used to be.

UPDATE: An acquaintance recently informed me that Elna Baker now proclaims herself an "ex-Mormon". In response to the question "But what will Elna write about now?" that acquaintance commented wryly: "Oh, but don't you know? Apparently being an EX-Mormon makes you a better expert on being Mormon than any actual Mormon." I think that really does put the whole thing into perspective.(less)

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Jan 11, 2010 Annalisa rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humor, memoir-biography, cover

Baker likes to sit in the in-between, neither committing herself to one side or the other. I find myself feeling the same way about her book, with things I both like and dislike about the book and her. And so she gets a non-committal three stars from me.

I'm a very trusting person and I always expect that other people are telling me the truth. But I think Elna Baker lied to me. A lot. You would think that the confession that she was a pathological liar would be the thing to clue me in, but it was...more Baker likes to sit in the in-between, neither committing herself to one side or the other. I find myself feeling the same way about her book, with things I both like and dislike about the book and her. And so she gets a non-committal three stars from me.

I'm a very trusting person and I always expect that other people are telling me the truth. But I think Elna Baker lied to me. A lot. You would think that the confession that she was a pathological liar would be the thing to clue me in, but it wasn't. It was the inconsistencies in her story that gnawed at me until she states she went to the temple to pray about marriage. She can't go to the temple. Even if she hadn’t made it very clear that she had not been through, she wasn't worthy of a recommend unless she lied, which I am aware she was capable of, but she didn’t want to commit herself to that. She wants to live in the in-between where she could go either way and that would put her definitely in one camp. Unless she sat in the lobby, she lied to me. And if she lied about that, what else about her story did she invent or twist just because it makes a better story?

A lot of the book, I found very entertaining and even laughed out loud at times. The bit about the dirty cookie was her best comedic piece. I wish all her sections had been as well developed. I say that because I don't see this as a "memoir" as much as a stand-up comedian's skewed take on something rooted in actual events but without the honesty of a memoir. While I appreciate her candidness about her spiritual doubts, sexual frustration, and struggle to stay faithful in New York, especially after she lost weight and wanted to flaunt her new-found sexiness, I don't think Baker is ready to be honest with herself, much less the world.

By the end I was mad at Baker. I’d be lying if I said the mockery of religion didn’t play a small role in that, but that’s not it. I actually enjoyed much of her self doubt and only thought she crossed the line once or twice. I can sympathize with the desire to differentiate herself with extreme Mormons and I think everyone should question what they believe. Sometimes her pathological lying bothered me, mostly that she thought it was funny and without consequence, but that wasn't it either. I wondered if it were the f words she planted just before she introduced Mr. Atheist Right as if to say, "but I'm not really a goody-goody Mormon so it's okay if I stray," but that's not the answer either. I kept going back to the dedication to her parents and that she doesn't seem to understand how much this will sadden them, that she seems like such a child, immature and irresponsible. That's when I realized, I wasn't mad at her as much as disappointed. I liked this girl and in the end I wanted her memoir to show that she had grown up: to take a stance one way or the other, to stop lying and realize life has consequences, to be something more substantial than "I'm an actor; look at me!" I wanted the memoir to be raw and real and make her realize something about herself, but she ended it just as naive and indecisive as she started.(less)

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Aug 06, 2010 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, non-fiction

Elna Baker is not your stereotypical, sweet spirit, Molly Mormon. The first hint of that is the dedication page to her mom and dad where she excludes the "nine F-words, thirteen Sh-words, four A-holes, page 257, and the entire Warren Beatty chapter" from the parental dedication. I'm sure she was very aware that there were many Mormons who would not appreciate the foul language, several of her occasionally risque exploits, or the mocking of certain cultural aspects of Mormonism. But I get the sen...more Elna Baker is not your stereotypical, sweet spirit, Molly Mormon. The first hint of that is the dedication page to her mom and dad where she excludes the "nine F-words, thirteen Sh-words, four A-holes, page 257, and the entire Warren Beatty chapter" from the parental dedication. I'm sure she was very aware that there were many Mormons who would not appreciate the foul language, several of her occasionally risque exploits, or the mocking of certain cultural aspects of Mormonism. But I get the sense that those are not the people she wanted to impress, anyway.

I found this to be a refreshingly honest memoir (ironically, she's very open about her almost pathological lying!) about a young adult trying to figure out who she is, what she believes and how to reconcile her warring, seemingly contradictory desires for her life. She's right. Being Mormon "requires major commitments: It asks for your life." And as such, it deserves careful consideration. I appreciate the active thoughtfulness with which she approached her spiritual life. She relates answers to her prayers and spiritual confirmations she received. And she discusses her moments of doubt. She claims she's simply being honest by acknowledging those times: "I don't think doubting makes you bad. I think it makes you smart." I'm inclined to agree with her. Having doubts or questions, recognizing them, and working through them, makes my faith stronger in the end. It would have been relatively easy to just give up and say it's too hard, the reconciliation is impossible, but she keeps trying to find the peace, unwilling to give up either part of herself.

Most of the time when she described Mormon doctrine, I thought she did so accurately and matter-of-factly, though most Mormons I know do recognize the seven "days" of creation to be metaphorical rather than literally 24 hours and don't find dinosaurs to be out of harmony with gospel teachings. And at one point she misquoted a Primary song(!).

The essays in this book cover almost a decade of her struggles to figure out where she fits. That's a long time. I know I changed a whole lot between the ages of 18 and 27, I like to think for the better. Throughout, Elna seemed obsessed with finding a boyfriend and I cringed every time she molded herself into whatever she thought the boy-of-the-moment was looking for. I hated that. But, then again, I know lots of young women (myself included) who did that at 18, too. And by the end, I think she'd learned better. After breaking up with an the atheist she truly loved and the perfect Mormon boy she really didn't, and kissing lots of other guys, she articulated her discovery: "I was in charge of my own happiness."

Earlier in the book she describes her philosophy of saying "YES!" whenever possible (since Mormons so often say "NO!" to sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.) and all the adventures that opened up for her. At the end, however, she acknowledges that "I'd been seesawing between two completely different lives...I'm doing this to myself...I'm refusing to choose which kind of person I want to be. I'm saying yes to way too many things...I've spent a decade saying yes to both sides, stalling and questioning, not ready to choose and watch my life become simpler and more ordinary." I'd love to know how she's doing now and if she's become any more comfortable with the ambivalence in her life.

For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.(less)

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Nov 29, 2009 Kent Buck rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Elna Baker is extra salty!
Equal parts spiritual exploration, hilarious hijinks and descriptions of Elna's sex life (or lack there of). Elna baker's memoir uses the extended metaphor of her love life and the religious implications of her sexuality to capture the moment of conflict that we all face growing up. The moment when we have to abandon the limitless possibilities of youth and commit to one direction and doing so sacrifice the "could have been's" for the what will be's. I loved this book,...more

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Jan 26, 2010 Jill rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: megans-collection, religious-misc, bookclub

Okay, I'm going to break down and actually review this book. There were some great parts in it. Elna has a fun style of writing and sounds like a really fun-loving person. What bothers me most is the idea of someone who is not LDS reading this book and assuming that most of Elna's lifestyle conforms to LDS teachings - that she's simply having a bit of an internal conflict, but is a good, practicing LDS. However, it is painfully obvious to those who are LDS that despite the implication of her try...more Okay, I'm going to break down and actually review this book. There were some great parts in it. Elna has a fun style of writing and sounds like a really fun-loving person. What bothers me most is the idea of someone who is not LDS reading this book and assuming that most of Elna's lifestyle conforms to LDS teachings - that she's simply having a bit of an internal conflict, but is a good, practicing LDS. However, it is painfully obvious to those who are LDS that despite the implication of her trying very hard to live in accordance with her religion, there's not a lot of evidence to support this. It's reflected in a many ways, including the ultra-casual and resentful way she writes about things meant to be sacred. Because most of these references would only make sense to an LDS person, I'll use other examples: She didn't know pornography could be found on the internet? Apparently she's missed at least the last decade of General Conference and as many years of any sort of church publication and/or church meetings. Internet pornography is an amazingly prevalent topic, because of problems stemming from it. Being a practicing LDS and managing never to have heard any mention of internet pornography until her age is a remarkable feat indeed. I found very disconcerting this sort of idea that the law of chastity as taught by the LDS church means nothing more than simply abstaining from fornication, when in fact, it is involves a great deal more - also that an eternal family requires only a temple marriage. She seems to have had a fairly decent LDS education, but not much application. I couldn't help feeling like obedience and modesty in particular were viewed as a great big chore and a gross inconvenience. Despite "hours of scripture study," it was ironic that of all the scriptural references she uses, there was a rather glaring omission of the highly relevant reference "No man can serve two masters," which perhaps would have done nicely as a theme. The thing is, I like her. I would love to hear that she's worked out her conflict. I have close friends very much like her and imagined their publishing a book like this, and how I would feel about it. The answer is: very sad. Mostly it just makes me sad that the whole point has been missed. Having said that, it certainly took a lot of gumption for her to out herself as she did, knowing she'd likely be very harshly judged. The reviews talk about a hopeful "reconciliation" between the world and Elna's church, (which it seemed she was still searching for at the end). The thing is, reconciliation is not possible. It's one or the other. Always has been. I wish her luck.(less)

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Oct 16, 2010 Debbie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemporary-adult-fiction, lds-and-or-byu-authors

I think it's great that a book by a Mormon about being Mormon has been released by a mainstream publisher. Elna Baker is a 20-something single woman living in New York City and trying to figure out who she is and what she believes. Baker is a stand-up comedienne, and her stories are hilarious even while they're thought-provoking or uncomfortably familiar.

Not that I have many experiences in common with her, because even though I'm a 30-something single woman in DC, I am boring and unadventurous....more

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May 05, 2011 Sally rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

It's hard to review this book without biasing a future reader. The book is about a mormon college student in NYC, and her adventures, struggles and experiences after college as a single mormon woman in the big city.

Her voice is inconsistent and the book needs more editing for flow (and typos!) in order to be well-written. But it was interesting, and at times really funny and also relatable. During the time I was reading the book, I enjoyed it. If you are going to read the book, stop reading the...more

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Sep 13, 2009 Alea rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-for-review

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance is a fantastic example of why I love memoirs! It has everything you would want in an entertaining memoir, things such as hilarious work stories (my favorite part of the book Babies Buying Babies), to relationship problems, to questioning one's faith, to major weight lose. Elna Baker covers a lot of ground for someone so young.

Elna is a Mormon and it was really interesting to learn more about Mormons and also how it played a part in Elna's life...more

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Jan 01, 2010 Jeanette rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Jeanette by: Powell's

Shelves: biography-memoir, giggles, nonfiction, philosophy-theology

This story is a years-long crisis of faith disguised as a ditzy dating chronicle. I can't rate it any higher because the author spends far too much time obsessing about looks and kissing(huge eye-roll here). I can't rate it any lower because it is quite well written and edited, easy to read, at times hilarious, and has moments of great honesty and clarity.

Elna Baker is a New York City stand-up comic, and also a practicing (sort of) Mormon. She is an exuberant, open, adventuresome young lady. Goo...more

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Jul 18, 2011 Tamra rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, humor

Okay, I liked this book and then I didn't like the book, and then I liked it and then I didn't. There were parts that I really related to and parts that were too inconsistent. Like she went to the Temple to pray and receive revelation yet she's never been through the Temple. Then she made a big deal about the "linger later" that was always held the first Sunday of the month right after church. For all us Mormons we know that we don't eat right after church on the first Sunday of the month . . ....more

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Sep 18, 2012 Kristi rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I have never experienced such reaction in a book before. I was reading and really liking it. I was laughing so hard. I loved her voice and her journey, the feeling of the story going somewhere, anywhere. I feel like there is a definate break in the book where I went from loving it and her to changing my mind. I do like that she is honest with us, the readers. She doesn't try to make us believe she is anything other then what she is. I did get a bit tired of her whining. I really don't like how a...more

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Mar 26, 2010 Drew rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" for two reasons: 1) when going through the Penguin Fall 2009 catalog, it intrigued me when I found out the local Mormon bookstores weren't ordering copies, and 2) I was given an advanced reading copy.[return][return]I'm normally opposed to reading "memoirs" by people who haven't passed the age of 30 (have you really done enough to make me want to read about your life?), but because of the description in the catalog and on the book cov...more I read "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" for two reasons: 1) when going through the Penguin Fall 2009 catalog, it intrigued me when I found out the local Mormon bookstores weren't ordering copies, and 2) I was given an advanced reading copy.[return][return]I'm normally opposed to reading "memoirs" by people who haven't passed the age of 30 (have you really done enough to make me want to read about your life?), but because of the description in the catalog and on the book cover, it sounded intriguing- so I dove in, finishing the book in just a couple of days.[return][return]Elna Baker is a young LDS (Mormon) woman living in New York who has an internal war taking place between head and heart. Being Mormon means no drinking alcohol or engaging in pre-marital sex, among other things, and this seems to conflict with most of the non-Mormon men she attempts to date. As Elna relates, her longest relationship lasted a month and that was because the guy was out of town for two weeks. Her search for love and acceptance leads her to fall for the most unlikely of men- an atheist. A man who seems to be the exact opposite of a practicing Mormon, yet one who seems to be everything she wants in a potential husband. Can she make it work?[return][return]"The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" is a funny story of how a young Mormon woman navigates dating, love and other disasters. While an engaging read, some parts of the book slow down, due not to story, but to the occasional awkwardness of Baker's writing style. When dealing with Mormon issues and doctrines that play a role in her story, Baker does a satisfactory job of explaining her religion to non-Mormons, but a few statements on Mormonism aren't explained well, and would only be fully understood by a member of the LDS faith. Conversely, there will be many practicing members of the LDS faith that will be offended by some of the language Baker uses as well as some of her feelings about, descriptions of, and encounters with sexual situations.[return][return]A book that made me laugh out loud and question my own beliefs and doubts about God and religion, "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" will find a niche, both inside and outside Mormonism, among those who enjoy a quest for self and a good laugh along the way.(less)

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May 02, 2013 Ron Pratt rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, a memoir by Elna Baker, is wonderful! I love it!

First off, I love the title, even when nine times out of ten I stumble over the words and have to say it three times to get the pieces in the right order.

I also love the story. It’s about a good Mormon girl trying to make her way through New York City, and other far reaches of the globe. It’s about an awkward child who blossoms into a beautiful woman. It’s about trying to hold on to your faith w...more

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Apr 18, 2013 Katie rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Humorous the retellings of her adventures, Elna will draw readers in from the first page. With a first person narration that jumps around from childhood to early and mid-twenties, readers listen as Elna remembers her past adventures, her quest to learn to kiss, the struggle to find her beliefs, and how to live happily with in that belief system. The narration jumps from event to event, not always following a steady timeline and a few places readers may wonder where in the time line the event the...more

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Oct 23, 2012 Seth rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I saw this at the Borders clearance sale for $3 in the Biography/Memoir seciton. So I had to get it - you know, because "Mormon" was in the title.

For starters, it's not about a regional singles Halloween dance at all - that's just one of the many settings in the book. It's the tale of a young, single, Mormon girl living in New York City who is trying to figure out her life. She has no apparent claim to fame, at least not until the book was published. Just your typical twentysomething Mormon writ...more I saw this at the Borders clearance sale for $3 in the Biography/Memoir seciton. So I had to get it - you know, because "Mormon" was in the title.

For starters, it's not about a regional singles Halloween dance at all - that's just one of the many settings in the book. It's the tale of a young, single, Mormon girl living in New York City who is trying to figure out her life. She has no apparent claim to fame, at least not until the book was published. Just your typical twentysomething Mormon writing a memoir.

One thing I find interesting is that whenever a member of the Church is mentioned in the media, they are almost always described as a "devout Mormon". If I were famous, would I be called devout?

I don't think that Elna Baker should be described as devout, but what do I know? I only read the book. She seems to have a testimony of the gospel, but is also enticed by the adventure and excitement offered by some of the other avenues in life. I gave her some benefit of the doubt, because she notes that she spent part of her childhood living in the Sumner/Bonney Lake area of Washington. Although we never crossed paths, I served four months of my mission there, so we did have at least one thing in common, in addition to being members of the church.

I think there should be more books like this one - real Mormons writing about their faith and their perspective on things. I don't want to read about what you've researched or what you think you know that is going to change my life. Just tell me about you. That's what I liked about this book.

It takes a certain amount of courage to write such a book - Ms. Baker deserves points for being open and honest about her life and her thoughts on the tenets of her religion. I think most Mormons probably have certain aspects of the church that they haven't quite reconciled. Which is totally fine, because that's what this life is all about. But I think most people prefer to keep their doubts and weaknesses to themselves, because who wants the rest of the ward looking at you with a wary eye? She pretty much just goes for it - putting it all out there for anyone she's ever known to read.

I appreciate that she doesn't seem to blame the church for her difficulties. A path that has been traveled before is, "I have a hard time living x principle or believing y doctrine, so check ya later. It's not true." She seemed to acknowledge that it was the right way to go but wasn't sure if she wanted it for herself.

I don't know if this paragraph counts as a spoiler, but if it does, you've been forewarned. You're kind of hoping that by the end of the book she figures it out. But she doesn't. Even finally finding an acceptable Mormon guy who is interested in her doesn't do the trick. There's no triumph of faith. There's no white wedding. By the end of the book, she's still indecisive and seems to be leaning the other way.

The book was not exactly written for the LDS reader. There's a fair amount of profanity, and yes, she does spell out all the f-words. A lot of making out and "playing with matches" takes place.

I will say that it did inspire me to write a memoir. Certainly there are things that happened in my life that are at least as notable as what Ms. Baker has going on.

If only I had the time. . . (less)

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Aug 23, 2012 Allison rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Overall, I think the book was okay to good. Elna is a good, funny writer who knows how to tell a good story. She's candid, and her willingness to depict her own faults is refreshing. But overall, I felt there was something missing. Maybe it's her immaturity. Maybe it's the absence of an arc or some sort of personal progression. Maybe it's the two endings that make it feel slightly disjointed. Maybe it's the feeling I got that she didn't truly understand her own faith. I found myself more and mor...more

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Jul 29, 2012 Jason Palmer rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is one of the few books that I’ve actually sought out and read. Usually I just read what is on the free shelf at the library, or the book “exchange” at our teachers’ lounge (hey, I’ll replace all the books I took someday, with other books... or something). I sought it out because I wanted to know how this seemingly average Mormon who nobody knew previous to this book got a contract to write a memoir, because someday I’d like that to be me. Anyway, it was pretty good. There were some funny p...more

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Jul 16, 2012 Heather rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I did not love this book, and like most memoirs I didn't like, it's because I couldn't relate to the author. Nominally, there are several things we have in common (Mormon, love to read, love city life, love to travel) but I just couldn't like her. Surprisingly, it wasn't for her choices, even though in nearly every situation she gives in the book, I would have made a different choice.

I just didn't understand her. She was whiny, needy, indecisive, and insecure. I certainly felt sorry for her. Ev...more

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Jun 29, 2012 Megan Henrich rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Elna Baker has a great voice, and it is obvious that her stand up enriches her writing, rather than taking away from it. I'm not surprised that she has done work with NPR, because when I read about her time working at FAO Schwartz, her writing reminding me so much of David Sedaris's Santaland Diaries that it was uncanny, and in a great way.
She's a Mexican Mormon living in New York City, and all of these elements line up to be a memoir that is all schtick--an interesting book just because of the...more

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Jun 29, 2012 Heather rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir, humor

Another addition to my collection of humorous, thirty-something memoirs. This book has one big thing going for it which is the writing. It's not the kind of prose that destroys world and makes them anew, but it's competent and pleasant and correct and doesn't detract from the story. And the story is an interesting one, but is flawed I think by two significant inconsistencies. The first is that the author seems incapable of telling the truth -- at least, to men. She has at least one major epiphan...more Another addition to my collection of humorous, thirty-something memoirs. This book has one big thing going for it which is the writing. It's not the kind of prose that destroys world and makes them anew, but it's competent and pleasant and correct and doesn't detract from the story. And the story is an interesting one, but is flawed I think by two significant inconsistencies. The first is that the author seems incapable of telling the truth -- at least, to men. She has at least one major epiphany a chapter and struggles constantly with the problem of being true and honest with herself and delights (as all thirty-something memoirists must) in laying out confidingly for her readers every humiliating, nauseating, or otherwise uncomfortable moment that might conceiveably be milked for a laugh; but she never experiences that blinding flash of the obvious: maybe I should try be truthful with the men I like.

Second, there are some bits that read like pieces from her stand-up routines: funny, but that don't make sense in the greater context of the book. One of her frequent punchlines is about how being Mormon has retarded her knowledge of worldly matters and contributed to a prolonged, childish, naivete. This produces a lot of lines like "It can do that?!" But most of the action of the book takes place in forums like NYU or while hanging out with other actors and writers and she endlessly disects how these environments are (or aren't) challenging (or destroying?) her faith. So how can this be possible? Either she was oblivious to her environment AND never read an issue of Cosmo and was able to arrive at the ripe old age of 27 not knowing that, yes, it CAN do that, in which case her faith should never have had occasion to be rocked; or she soaked up her surroundings like a sponge, which led to faith-rocking and the naivete is good for a laugh, but not particularly real. One of the least convincing episodes involves her diet pills; when she realizes her miraculous weight loss was, in fact, not a miracle but a product of a potentially dangerous drug, her faith receives a blow. Can an educated person really take that many pills and not connect the pills, at least in part, to the sucess of a diet? And how is it possible for a person to emerge from NYU -- of all places -- famous for its film school, it's theatre program, and its drug culture -- without a basic grasp of the idea of the controlled substance?

So I'm back to the idea of inconsistency. Her intelligence and sophistication seem to vary wildly from episode to episode in ways that aren't completely believeable. It makes me wonder what this book would have been like if she hadn't been trying to be funny. (less)

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Jan 03, 2012 Deb rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The following are the things I would like to remember from this book: Don't read these if you don't want spoilers:
"I even have one of those Remember Who You Are key chains. I've never used mine though; I was always worried someone would see it and think I had Alzheimer's.

At the age of six, I wondered when I would graduate from church. To my dismay, I was told that the word to describe being done with church was death.

This is a memoir so I am curious how much of it is true. If her father is descr...more The following are the things I would like to remember from this book: Don't read these if you don't want spoilers:
"I even have one of those Remember Who You Are key chains. I've never used mine though; I was always worried someone would see it and think I had Alzheimer's.

At the age of six, I wondered when I would graduate from church. To my dismay, I was told that the word to describe being done with church was death.

This is a memoir so I am curious how much of it is true. If her father is described correctly he sounded fun. He would line them up from tallest to shortest, after seeing the Sound of Music. (I'm surprised my Dad didn't do this. Did he? I think I may have used my key chain. :)
He took them to the neighbors with squirt guns and held up cereal boxes "Hands up, we yelled, We're the cereal killers!"
They moved to Spain and one summer drove through 25 countries. They never made plans. One time they dropped the kids off at a carpet factory and they had to work with a while with the other children. They learned to appreciate what they had. She could never figure out why it was fair that she had more than they did.
One time her aunt asked her when she was going to give up her big dreams and settle down. She didn't think the words "give up" and "settle" were inspiring to her.
Crush is the perfect word to describe a crush because it simultaneously means to have a brief infatuation with someone unattainable" and "to be violently squashed."
She goes to New York and works as a toy demonstrator. Her descriptions of the antics they thought up at the doll adoption place were hilarious.
She mentions being offered drinks and how she would say to herself, "Is it worth it to put yourself in the position of being addicted to something? The entire purpose of life on earth is to make choices, and addiction limits your freedom of choices."
New Years Eve, She proceeded to make a list of everything missing from her life. To cheer herself up. hahah.
When you're trying to change, every good decision you make adds up, and saying no gets easier because each day you have more evidence that you can.
Impossible is Nothing. Impossible is just a big word thrown ar9ound by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declarations. It's a dare. impossible is potential. impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.
She talks about being with people who drink and described feeling like Will Smith in "I am Legend" only without the dog.
She mentions that every member of every family plays a specific role. I think that is true. She said sometimes when you attempt to change your role, it is very hard to do, and how when you change in one area of your life you open yourself up to changing in all the others.
I need to find out where "Adonis Bath" is in Greece. You can't put paradise in a tour book, you have to discover it! So true!
(less)

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Nov 30, 2011 Lance rated it 1 of 5 stars

I'm not sure whether I want to refer to the author as Elna or Sister Baker. On the one hand, referring to her as Elna creates a feeling of familiarity and informality, which in some respects I don't want because we should not be too informal in our treatment of the ideas embodied in this book. On the other hand, if I refer to the author as Sister Baker I could unintentionally create the feeling that the author's actions in the book are representative of young people in the Church, and my own exp...more I'm not sure whether I want to refer to the author as Elna or Sister Baker. On the one hand, referring to her as Elna creates a feeling of familiarity and informality, which in some respects I don't want because we should not be too informal in our treatment of the ideas embodied in this book. On the other hand, if I refer to the author as Sister Baker I could unintentionally create the feeling that the author's actions in the book are representative of young people in the Church, and my own experience doesn't agree all that much with hers.

I certainly don't agree with how she communicates Church doctrine and belief. She seems to have taken it upon herself to explain the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to all of her friends of other faiths. Okay, that's great. More Latter Day Saints need to be more vocal about the beliefs of the Church. In fact, the Church did a survey back in 2009 and found that, while the LDS church is the fourth largest religion in the United States, less than 25% of all Americans actually know anything about what Latter Day Saints believe. That's an incredible statistic. So if the author wants to be a more vocal member missionary, there is a lot of justification for moving in that direction.

But when I look at how she explains the doctrines and practices of the Church, her explanations and descriptions are all skewed. I won't say that they are completely false because there is some truth to what she says. But they are not completely true either. For example, the vast majority of her explanations of belief are based in the physical body. We Latter Day Saints don't do what we do because of our beliefs about the physical body. We do what we do because we have made covenants with God that we want to keep. She completely misses that covenant angle, and it is at the core of what drives truly committed Latter Day Saints to be committed.

And this author is anything but committed to her religion. Hence her constant descriptions of feeling torn between two different directions. Of course she feels torn if she has one foot in Zion and the other in the world. One moment she is describing her struggles to search after spirituality, then the next we see her blatant use of profanity and avid descriptions of her experiences violating the law of chastity. Why someone like that would be the ideal spokesperson for the faith escapes me.

And yet this is where I am torn because I couldn't agree more with her descriptions and condemnation of the subculture within the faith. Yet even in these parts I could not escape the irony. Here was someone criticizing another member of the faith for acting inconsistent with her covenant beliefs, and yet she herself cannot distinguish the culture from the covenant!

From early on the book I could sense that the author was not truly converted to the faith, yet I continued reading because of the hope that she would become converted, that something would happen that would cause her to ask herself what she really truly believes and that the answer would be commitment to the faith. I never found that. Right to the very end I kept hoping and was horribly disappointed to see that in the end she was much too in love with the world and its ways to ever let go of it completely. She feared that by letting go of the world she would not be able to say "Yes" to as many things, that her life would become smaller by surrendering herself to God. And that's the great secret that her skewed vision and inability to focus on the covenant could never reveal to her. By surrendering oneself to God, life becomes much, much bigger.

I will give this book an extra star because, despite the inaccurate and misleading portrayals of Church doctrine combined with the more accurate and yet in some ways still misleading descriptions of the subculture within the Church, the book is very beautifully written. The author clearly has talent. As a reader, I was anxious to keep reading right to the very end, and such a quality is a hallmark of good prose. Yet I was disgusted to see at the end that, when all was said and done, the author was just another member of the Lost Generation. If you have a specific reason for reading this book, such as performing research for a subject treated in the book, it might offers flashes of insight. But even under those circumstances, I can't really recommend this book. There is so much more wrong with it than there is right.(less)

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Nov 15, 2011 Amanda rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

A few weeks ago I read this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/27/fas...) which greatly interested me. As someone who grew up with mostly Mormon friends through my school years, I know more about the religion that the average person (which makes me appreciate the musical "Book of Mormon" way more). I've always been fascinated with religion in general, but Mormonism, as it has been prevalent in my life, has held as special fascination for me. The article mentions Baker's book, so I picked up...more

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Nov 10, 2011 Jennie Dopp rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Okay... so this one was a mixed bag for me, but I still gave it four stars.

I thought there were parts that were hilarious and other parts made me wonder if she was stretching the truth a bit. I also didn't feel the author was being honest about her quest for a testimony of the gospel. I know living in NYC could probably make you jaded, but I wondered at times about her committment level to the church even though she clamied at one point she had a break through moment. In practically the next ch...more

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Oct 11, 2011 Sariah rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I found this to be funny, provocative, and thought-provoking all at once. This is a memoir of an LDS single adult living in New York City, trying to be Mormon in a place not very accepting of Mormons. I loved her brutal honesty... the times where she felt lack of faith and serious doubts were so indicative of myself. I loved the questions she posed herself as she tried to decide between love and faith. They were all questions I have asked myself, too. Elna Baker isn't your typical Mormon girl......more

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Aug 15, 2011 Alena Reid rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is not for those without unconventional thinking. It is borderline offensive to me as a member of the LDS faith, but I appreciate the author's candid story-telling. And I was able to empathize with some of her viewpoints. I think she could have used more tact, but that is obviously not her style. The thing that bothered me the most about the author is that she never took a stand one way or another. She claimed in one sentence to want to follow her religion, but in the next she openly m...more

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Jun 28, 2011 Yvann S rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

"I wanted to invent a word that described that place, the state between unlimited possibility and reality. But I couldn't think of one, and the Germans probably already invented one anyway, Weltinnerschnitzelrealititz."

This breezy memoir is Elna Baker's tale of life in Manhattan, aged 18-27, and the daily difficulties of reconciling The City that Never Sleeps with her Mormon faith.

This is not my usual fare - while I've read a few of these breezy memoirs by young women before (particularly Sleepi...more "I wanted to invent a word that described that place, the state between unlimited possibility and reality. But I couldn't think of one, and the Germans probably already invented one anyway, Weltinnerschnitzelrealititz."

This breezy memoir is Elna Baker's tale of life in Manhattan, aged 18-27, and the daily difficulties of reconciling The City that Never Sleeps with her Mormon faith.

This is not my usual fare - while I've read a few of these breezy memoirs by young women before (particularly Sleeping Naked is Green), I know pretty much nothing about Mormonism and to be honest, am not avidly interested in filling the holes in my knowledge that relate to primarily American-based Christian denominations as I don't meet all that many people who follow them. But The Captive Reader made it sound like a good read, and on the Bookmooch wishlist it went (yes, I really am that suggestible. Do not use abuse this power).

What a refreshing look at the world! I've ranted in the past about so-called Christian fiction, but this was a girl's frank admission of "I have a strong faith, I also live in the real world. Sometimes those two really don't go together" and her struggles to stay within the remit of her faith - which, a lot of the time, meant staying true to her principles and herself, rather than just obeying a laundry list of rules - while enjoying life as a single girl in Manhattan.

Baker is not afraid to take her friends and family (mostly family) as fodder, as well as a string of ex-boyfriends/almost boyfriends/random acquaintances, and does not disappoint with her comedic talent. She has a real knack for dropping one-liner chuckles into her prose:

"On one wall there was a painting of Jesus. While Catholics usually paint the Saviour suffering, Mormon artists tend to depict Him as a rugged Idaho mountain man - the kid of Jesus you wouldn't mind dating. In this particular picture he was healing a blonde child, because blondes were big in Jerusalem in 33 A.D."

"How else could we Manhattan Mormons meet, marry, then make more Mormons? (Take that, Sally and your seashells on the seashore)"

She does address the issues (mostly, that it's hard to get to know someone if you're honest about the no-go area of pre-marital sex) pretty candidly, and a fair portion of the memoir could be written by a twenty-something of any faith - apparently, flying around the world to hopefully kindle/re-kindle a relationship is something one does in ones twenties (it featured in Sleeping Naked), and misadventures are always funny. I was also pleased that there isn't a neat ending, she struggles with her faith, contemplates giving up multiple times, is honest enough to walk away from a relationship that's unhappy, and so on.

On the whole I found this pretty light and fluffy, much as you would expect from the cover, and while there are plenty of points for discussion - plastic surgery? really? - I don't think this is a book that will stay with me for a very long time. On the other hand, it was a fun read and well outside my usual reading menu.(less)

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May 03, 2011 di rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: contemporary, lds

I'm still giggling. Okay, I'm usually not an LDS fiction reader, and this is NOT LDS fiction. I repeat, it is NOT LDS fiction. It is so much better! For one, Elna is real. It is a memoir, for the record, but I also mean REAL..as in...Elna has real struggles. She is not perfect, nor does she always make the best choices. Her life is not a fairy-tale, and it isn't all "happy ever after." The book is not preachy...although it did strengthen my faith. Mostly. ;)

A quick read for me--24 hours. Enjoyab...more

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Apr 24, 2011 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a charming and hilarious memoir of Elna Baker--a single adult woman living in New York City, trying to fulfill her dreams of happiness, success, and love.

The best thing about this book is that, while it is a "Mormon book" and deals and addresses issues faced by Mormons (particularly single Mormons living in a not-Mormon society), it is not your overly didactic, cheesy, or vapid Mormon book. This isn't Anita Stansfield, guys. Elna is a likeable woman and she is funny--like laugh out loud...more This is a charming and hilarious memoir of Elna Baker--a single adult woman living in New York City, trying to fulfill her dreams of happiness, success, and love.

The best thing about this book is that, while it is a "Mormon book" and deals and addresses issues faced by Mormons (particularly single Mormons living in a not-Mormon society), it is not your overly didactic, cheesy, or vapid Mormon book. This isn't Anita Stansfield, guys. Elna is a likeable woman and she is funny--like laugh out loud funny. So funny that I carried the book around with me and read my favorite parts to my friends. We all then proceeded to laugh. But she's not perfect. It's a very real and honest memoir and you can see her struggle with her faith a little, and you can see her stumble and trip up and make mistakes, but she's still trying to do the right thing.

That said, this is not the book for everyone. Parts of the book can be a little crass and crude. (On the dedication page, she dedicates the book to her parents, but tells them that none of the swear words are dedicated to them and she lists off a chapter and a couple of pages that they might just want to ignore.) There were parts that wouldn't be appreciated by people I know in the Church and outside of it, but that's all discretionary, I think. There will, of course, be people (foolish people, by my reckonning) who probably think Miss Baker should be kicked out of the Church for what she's done and the image she's portarying, but I think those people are missing the point. Elna Baker provides an image of the modern single Latter-Day Saint. Someone who sticks by their values, but isn't a sheltered prude. This book is (I believe) published by Penguin books. And for me, that's kind of remarkable. Here's a book about a Mormon being a Mormon and it's NOT published by Deseret. It's published by a notable publishing house in New York and will recieve a wider distribution than any of Deseret's books. (Not to mention Deseret would NEVER publish a book like this. Not ever.)

She's not afraid to poke fun at the aspects of our culture that are, quite frankly, a little funny. (Like the guys dressed up like Brigham Young at the Single's Halloween dance or the fact that, while Catholic paintings/picture of Christ usually depict Christ suffering, LDS paintings/pictures of Christ usually depict him as a rugged Idaho mountain man--the "kind of Jesus you wouldn't mind dating.") And while she might, on occasion, be a little more crass than I would like, it's something that you can look past. The point of this memoir isn't to shock people ("Oh no, now this Mormon girl is swearing AND she took a sip of champange!") but it's to give an honest look into an individual's life and an individual's struggle in a very honest way. She's not perfect.

But then again, neither am I.(less)

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Apr 19, 2011 Luanne Ollivier rated it 4 of 5 stars

Okay, how could you not wonder what was hiding in the pages of a book with a title like The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance?

More like who? Elna Baker that's who. Baker is a young twenty something practicing Mormon and self professed 'big girl' who moves to the big city - New York - to pursue her education and career.

When she decides to lose a large amount of weight, she is suddenly attractive to men. Elna's memoir is a engaging narrative detailing her attempts to reconcile all...more

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The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir

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