My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, a Daughter, a Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence

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My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, a Daughter, a Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence

3.62 of 5 stars 3.62 · rating details · 99 ratings · 29 reviews

A veteran journalist navigates the mother-daughter relationship at its most crucial moment

With the eye of a reporter, the curiosity of an anthropologist, and the open (and sometimes wounded) heart of a mother, award-winning author Lauren Kessler embeds herself in her about-to-be-teenage daughter's life. In seventh- and eighth-grade classrooms, at home, online, at the mal...more

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published August 5th 2010 by Viking Adult

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Jan 29, 2012 Literary Mama added it · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir

"The descent from mother-goddess to mother-demon is a predictable, well-documented narrative, as predictable as the descent from sweet little girl to moody, mercurial teenager," remarks Kessler in the opening pages to her book, My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, a Daughter, a Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence, her incisive and cogent book about parenting teenagers, which begins with a scene of her seventh grade daughter, Lizzie, coming home surly from school while Kessler struggles to commu...more

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Jan 10, 2011 Ciara rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read-in-2011

this book was well-written & nicely readable & everything...but also a little cringe-inducing. it's non-fiction about the author's attempts to build a better relationship with her teenage daughter, lizzie, than her own mother had with her. kessler explains that she & her mother began their decades-long estrangement when kessler turned thirteen, & she is terrified that her relationship with lizzie might go the same way...even though kessler managed to shepherd two boys through the...more this book was well-written & nicely readable & everything...but also a little cringe-inducing. it's non-fiction about the author's attempts to build a better relationship with her teenage daughter, lizzie, than her own mother had with her. kessler explains that she & her mother began their decades-long estrangement when kessler turned thirteen, & she is terrified that her relationship with lizzie might go the same way...even though kessler managed to shepherd two boys through their teenage years without any damage to the parent-child connection. but kessler insists that a mother's relationship with her daughter is different. without ever really explaining why exactly. there's some stuff about how a daughter feels a greater need to separate herself from her mother because they share a gender & the mother psychologically represents the daughter's future. who knows, maybe there's some validity to that, but i do not remember looking at my own mother as a representation of my future. i think teenagers are just difficult, regardless of gender.

so the thing that had me cringing was that basically the entire book is predicated on kessler's own long-standing mommy issues. she doesn't want to be the kind of mother that she had, & she constantly analyzes her relationship with lizzie for signs that she is doing something different/right. every time lizzie behaves in a way that is different from the way kessler behaved when she was a teen (which is constantly, because they are two different people), she takes it as a sign that she is succeeding. it just seems like a neurotic way to raise a child. granted, i do not have a teenage daughter, so i can't speak to the idea that maybe this is just something that all mothers of teenagers do. but damn. i hope i manage to resist the impulse when the time comes.

i was also cringing a little because...well...lizzie seemed kind of bratty. & spoiled. i was a terror as a teen in a lot of ways, but lizzie does shit i'd never dream of doing...& is seemingly rewarded. when kessler decides that she needs to do some "fieldwork" at lizzie's school, observing her in her natural habitat, as it were, she regularly splits during the school day & comes back, bringing her daughter fancy espresso drinks from starbucks, or sushi to replace her lunches packed at home (by kessler--she lets lizzie just pass them off to a classmate). man. i can't begin to imagine my mom buying me a fancy starbucks espresso drink even now that i am 31! let alone when i was 13! those things are like $4 or $5 a pop! i wouldn't even ask my boyfriend of almost four years to drop that kind of cash with no expectation of being paid back!

kessler also mention numerous times that she had "performed for love" as a teen, working hard in school to get good grades in the hopes of making her parents notice & care about her. but lizzie does not work hard in school & has the grades to prove it. the family seems to have a "no internet unless grades are Bs or above" rule, which is good, but kessler causally mentions that lizzie breaks the rule & seems to suffer no punishment. lizzie spends incredible amounts of time online or playing video games. when she sets up her myspace page, she works on it nine hours a day for two days. it is not lost on kessler that lizzie's grades would be much improved if she could muster that kind of attention & focus for her schoolwork. this is all mind-boggling & scary to me because i came of age pre-internet but know i'll be raising my own kids in a digital age, & i really don't know how to deal with letting them have their fun but also setting limits.

& when it comes to boys...kessler knows that lizzie spends a lot of time on teen chat websites, flirting with boys. she sees lizzie blow off one boy's request for cybersex, & she's proud that lizzie said no to the boy, but...mom was sitting right there. lizzie strikes me as amazingly precocious when it comes to boys. she tells her mom that she made out with her boyfriend when she is only twelve years old. i didn't even kiss a boy with closed mouth until i was 16, & it's not like i'm a mormon. i was a teenager in the 90s, i was raised an atheist, i was a punk feminist. i don't know. lizzie seems to know a lot about sex at age 12--more than i did at that age, & it's not like my mom was shy about that stuff. her best friend was a stripper (& we all knew, & understood what that was).

& also, kessler is amazingly critical of lizzie's friends. she fusses over how most of them come from divorced homes, & some of them have a lot of responsibilities as a result. lizzie's best friend was born to a 16-year-old mom & is a latchkey kid who has to spend her weekends taking care of her younger siblings. another friends is bussed in from a "bad" neighborhood & sometimes shares stories about the neighbors having a domestic violence incident. kessler actually writes something about how she & her husband have worked hard so their kid could live in a neighborhood where the neighbors don't beat on each other. like only poor people ever engage in physical abuse. seriously, i was so offended by that. kessler consistently refers to these friends as "sketchy," even though a 12-year-old has no control whatsoever over whether or not her parents get divorced or how old her mother was when she was born. it's not like the kids are smoking crack when they come over to hang out. one of them does get grounded when his father finds a bag of pot in his backpack, but for all of kessler's sturm und drang about lizzie's "sketchy" friends, she mostly just uses this incident to write about how she used to be a huge stoner & she doesn't want lizzie to know that.

i don't feel great about being so critical of this book, because i feel like parenting is really difficult, & no matter what you do, someone is going to step up to the plate to criticize your decision. there's so much judgment between parents, or from non-parents with an idealized perspective about how they'll handle the tough issues when they come up. ultimately, who knows how i'll handle having a teenage daughter, or if i'll ever even find out for sure? but i hope i am able to keep my personal issues to myself.(less)

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Oct 05, 2010 Cindy Hudson rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Worried that she was losing touch with her teen daughter, author Lauren Kessler did what few moms would be willing to do: immerse herself in middle school classrooms, locker rooms and cafeterias, taking notes all the while to turn into a nonfiction book. The result, My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, A Daughter, A Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence, is a revealing work that will both concern and give hope to moms everywhere.

My Teenage Werewolf’s universal appeal comes not only from Kessler’s...more

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Sep 28, 2010 MollyD rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This book was so painful to read. The chapter on the science of the teen brain was very interesting, but the rest of the book was an exercise in frustration. The author spends half her time bemoaning her teen's bad behavior, and the other half enabling it. She bemoans the fact her child didn't use traditional toys, or read books, but allows her unlimited and unsupervised computer time and video games. what can a mother do, she wails, when her daughter brings home Cs after spending hours on the c...more This book was so painful to read. The chapter on the science of the teen brain was very interesting, but the rest of the book was an exercise in frustration. The author spends half her time bemoaning her teen's bad behavior, and the other half enabling it. She bemoans the fact her child didn't use traditional toys, or read books, but allows her unlimited and unsupervised computer time and video games. what can a mother do, she wails, when her daughter brings home Cs after spending hours on the computer with video games and chat rooms. She sets up rules for her daughter such as no Internet use after misuse, but then cheerfully acknowledges she is aware her daughter is breaking this rule. She intervenes to reduce a punishment at camp, while she admits her daughter's behavior was out of bounds and dangerous. Although she often talks about how she desperately wanted privacy from her mother, she reads her daughter's journal and eavesdrops on conversations with her friends. She described how hurt she is when her daughter is rude to her, but tolerates and almost encourages such behavior, choosing to view it as "strong girl behavior" rather than the unacceptable behavior it actually is. Having had two kids (one girl, one boy) go through the teen years, I know you don't to accept or validate every rude thing that flies out of a child's mouth. She compares her daughter's behavior to her sons, and concludes that you simply have to accept bad behavior from a teen girl, behavior that she is the first to say she wouldn't have accepted from her sons. I found the fact that she shadowed her daughter at school strange and intrusive to the girl's life. She reasons that it is research for the book, but admits she wants to find out details about her daughter's life. My conclusion: Because she set such different standards for her sons and her daughter, she shouldn't be surprised they behave differently. She is oddly enough, too permissive but far too intrusive at the same time, but can't see that. Very disappointing read. (less)

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Sep 04, 2010 Lenore Webb rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: parenting

You have to look right, wear the right clothes, be seen with the right people. You can't be too skinny or too fat, too loud or too quiet. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in - unless your opinion is unpopular. This is the world of middle school, the world that author Lauren Kessler delves into in My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, a Daughter, a Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence. The story is well told and completely true as Lauren describes her struggled with teenage daughter Lizz...more

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Sep 04, 2010 Maria rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

What I Can Tell You: This book is exactly what mom's of children entering the pre-teen stage. It is written about a daughter but I think the concept works just as well with a son, although Lauren completely mentions how much easier the relationship with her sons were. I do agree that the relationship is different but not necessarily easier. I also believe this is a great book for counselors, teachers, principals of middle schools and anyone who works with children. Very insightful book.

I feel in...more What I Can Tell You: This book is exactly what mom's of children entering the pre-teen stage. It is written about a daughter but I think the concept works just as well with a son, although Lauren completely mentions how much easier the relationship with her sons were. I do agree that the relationship is different but not necessarily easier. I also believe this is a great book for counselors, teachers, principals of middle schools and anyone who works with children. Very insightful book.

I feel in love with Lizzie, a very smart, head strong girl knows how to "eventually" talk about what is REALLY bothering her. This can only be credited to her very smart mom who obviously raised her to speak her mind and not be afraid to be who she is.

While I can't imagine I would do what Lauren did which is throw herself head first into her daughter's life to figure out what makes preteenage girls work. Reading about Lauren in school with her daughter is exactly what I would want to do. To REALLY see what is going on, to be a fly on the wall and to watch her interactions with classmates, friends and boys. However, I don't know any teenager that would have been OK with this.

You will appreciate the candidness of Lauren's book. Lauren uses humor and common sense to deal with the differences in her and her daughter. At times she wonders who has the issue, something that only few mother's can do. To be able to "pick your fight" is an art form. Something I have totally mastered in my personal life. Knowing when to say "this is my hang-up, my problem, my issue" not theirs is half the battle.

I want to run out and buy this book for all my girlfriend's with daughters. It is not preachy. Is filled with humor and I loved reading Lizzie's comments to her mom. Through their headbutting you can see a deep, deep love between mother and daughter and that was my favorite part of the book.

As the mom of an already spirited 5 year old, I already know that I have to love her for the spirit in her and that I will undoubtedly have many, many moments where I feel like Lauren. However, the one thing I have that Lauren didn't have is her book to help me tread through the waters of preteen angst. God help me!

This book will be sitting in my library waiting for all the times I will have to re-read it. Thanks Lauren and Lizzie for a fantastic journey.

(less)

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Dec 09, 2010 Megan rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010, adult, ajpl, nonfiction, psychology

Where I work I see a lot of crappy parenting. I see good parenting too, but a lot of the parenting I actually notice is just crappy. Beyond the actual "call CPS already" situations I've seen, there's crap like the mom who told her child "books are for children, movies are for adults," parents who ignore their crying children in favor of Facebook, and parents who let their children wander at will. Then there's the minor things. Parents who will not let their child do something as simple as carry...more Where I work I see a lot of crappy parenting. I see good parenting too, but a lot of the parenting I actually notice is just crappy. Beyond the actual "call CPS already" situations I've seen, there's crap like the mom who told her child "books are for children, movies are for adults," parents who ignore their crying children in favor of Facebook, and parents who let their children wander at will. Then there's the minor things. Parents who will not let their child do something as simple as carry their own books, insisting they need to be put in the bag instead, for no reason at all.

Luckily, Lauren Kessler isn't a crappy parent. I think she's just tired and worn out. She's very honest in this book. You do see the moments when she should have made a different decision, and she doesn't downplay that. She does tend to do things that are the equivalent of not letting her kid carry her own books, but the difference is that she does recognize after the fact that she was doing that, and she gradually learns that empowering your kids really does make them stronger, and like you better.

While I read this book I tried to remember my own teenage years. Honestly, a lot of it is blurry. The mix of hormones and brain shifting that Kessler goes over in the book, along with a lack of sleep and a lot of stress, means memories don't always get written the way they should. I got along pretty well with my parents. I remember we fought, yes, and butted heads, but for the most part my parents were good at the empowerment thing. They really let me know them as individuals, not as just authority figures. Reading this book was actually like reading my friends' accounts of their home life. It was very interesting.

At times Kessler can be a little wordy, but it was actually a breath of fresh air compared to some memoirs I read, where the author never bothers to explain their motivations or thought processes. I almost stopped reading the book at the point where she begins discussing the internet, but I'm happy I continued on because she didn't resort to the scare tactics or propaganda that media outlets try to feed people. She actually tried out these websites herself and educated herself the way everyone ought to.

All in all - a good and enlightening read. I think all former teenagers should read it.(less)

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Mar 12, 2011 Kristin rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

OK, any mother-daughter analysis written with any grace and humor at all would probably get 4 stars from me. I may be jumping the gun a little, but I found this book to be a good little fast-forward for me as my daughters keep speeding up their growing. It wasn't a bad peek back into the world of middle school, either, which my son will start next year. Really, it was a hopeful and exciting perspective of what's in store, and that even the baggage I may have from my own growing-up can possibly t...more

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Aug 10, 2010 Elizabeth Scott rated it 5 of 5 stars

While this is a great look into the mind of the mother of a girl right on the edge of beginning her teens years, I have to tell you, what really blew me away was Lauren Kessler's daughter, Lizzie. Lauren Kessler worries over her, and how they don't talk like she'd like them too, and how they end up fighting when she doesn't want to, but I came away from the book thinking that Lizzie is one of the strongest girls I've ever read about. EVER. She has such fierce convictions, and such a strong belie...more

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Nov 25, 2011 Sara rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was not going to read this book just because I thought the title was pretty lame. However, I heard some interviews with the author, fellow Oregonian that she is, and it sounded interesting. I found it more than just interesting, Ms. Kessler becomes a keen observer of the world of middle-schoolers, and chronicles their days in an almost anthropological fashion. I recommend this read to anyone who has tweens, soon to be middle-schoolers, or works with them. I came away with a better understandin...more

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Sep 03, 2011 Jeanne rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Rarely do I read a book and think, "I need to buy this for X." But My Teenage Werewolf is one I'd like to buy for every woman I know. Not just mothers. Women. Because we have all been there, struggling to understand who we are and who we will be and trying to make our parents understand.

Lauren Kessler manages to impart both her frustration with and love for her daughter as she gives women a rare look into the real life of a teenage girl (her's in this case). I'm saving this book for when my dau...more

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Dec 06, 2012 Jordan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

As far as the "moms who write books about when their kid became a teen and was mean to them" genre go's Kessler is not the worst parent and her daughter is not the worst kid. That said if the kid weren't a bit of a spoild brat and if the mom was a parent that sticks with the rules they set up, we wouldn't have this genre at all ( seriously this is the third one of these I've read and the parents always do that. ) {I don't know why I reviewed this I doubt any one will scroll down enough to read i...more

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Jan 17, 2011 Jamie Jackson rated it 5 of 5 stars

I wasn't sure what to expect from this book once I started reading it. Thankfully, Lauren Kessler has a fantastic conversational style of writing and I was hooked immediately. My daughter is 10, a soon-to-be-tween. I, too, have struggled with finding adequate ways to connect with her through the changes she is experiencing. This book has given me a lot of insight, and a lot of hope that I can survive through my daughter's teen years without losing my mind or our relationship along the way.

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Aug 14, 2010 Lauren Kessler rated it 5 of 5 stars

OK...so this is MY book, my new book, just out from Viking. But I AM reading it to prepare for public readings/ book tour. Reviewers are calling the book "hilarious," "insightful," "harrowing," "poignant" and "like reality TV, only much much better." Which was meant as a compliment, I guess. It's an in-the-trenches exploration of 21st century teen girl culture and that maddening, sanity-stealing -- but absolutely essential -- relationship between mother and daughter.

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Dec 01, 2010 Kathy Guilbert rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was very funny tho a bit long winded. I enjoyed the first half much more and had to skim parts towards the end. However, I highly recommend this for both a laugh and for not feeling so alone on the journey of raising a teen!

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Oct 12, 2010 Cyndy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: anyone who has a daughter 12 - 14 years old

I would recommend this for anyone who has a daughter 12 - 14 years old. I was jealous of the relationship between the mother and daughter. I wish my daughter would talk to me as much as the author's daughter talked to her.

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Jan 24, 2012 Sarah rated it 3 of 5 stars

She offers an accessible review of research on early adolescent development woven into the story of her experience of her daughter's middle school years. Everything works out too neatly, though, for this to be a book I love.

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Sep 20, 2010 Kdevoli rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Hilarious!! This is one of the better books about parenting a teenage girl that I've read. The author presents her home life with great humor and candor. Reading the book felt like sitting across a table with a good friend over a cup of coffee. Recommended for all moms of current adolescent girls.

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Mar 07, 2011 Lisa rated it 5 of 5 stars

Absolutely hilarious and bittersweet at the same time.
I highly recommend it for any mother going through this time in
her daughter life.

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Jul 27, 2010 Kim Sheehan rated it 5 of 5 stars

I don't have a daughter, but I learned so much from this book: why the students I teach act the way they do, why my friends who are moms of teenage girls are so happy to come to work on some days, why it was ok that I didn't talk to my mother for most of my thirteenth year (slight exaggeration). Kessler's book about motherhood, daughterhood, and what binds the two together (and tears the two apart) is a terrific read and an engaging take on a subject that half the population has experienced at o...more

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Aug 23, 2011 Elizabeth rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

nonfiction, insightful

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Dec 17, 2011 Nicole Cleary rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I'm finding that parenting a 13 year old is a little challenging, and enjoyed Lauren Kessler's insights as she took an anthropological approach to her daughter's middle school experience. I also appreciated her honesty about how she gets hooked by her daughter's attitudes, her realizations about how she can step away from the "mother-daughter script" she carries from her own adolescence, and her honesty about how difficult it is to do so!

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Mar 14, 2011 Aviva added it · review of another edition

Shelves: abandoned

Abandoned unfinished, because it came due from the library but other books kept sucking me in while this one didn't do much for me.

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Aug 15, 2012 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: those with tweens ~ get you ready!

Recommended to Amy by: found it myself

Shelves: non-fiction

Interesting read about the relationship of a young teen girl and her mother. I wouldn't take this as a guidebook on how to deal with your teen, it is this particular mother/daugther situation. I'd give the book four and a half stars, but there were a couple of times I was bored for two or three pages.

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Apr 05, 2011 betsy added it · review of another edition

Lauren Kessler is a UO professor who writes non-fiction, biographical works and is one of my favorite UO authors.

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Jan 19, 2013 Loretta Matson rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a heartening personal story about how one mother negotiates her daughter’s difficult teen years.

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Aug 30, 2012 Charity rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

maybe i'll remember some of this stuff when i need it

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Aug 24, 2010 Catherine rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Very helpful.

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Feb 07, 2012 Cindy rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Very interesting!

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May 23, 2013 Kdawson0309 marked it as to-read · review of another edition

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About Lauren Kessler

Lauren Kessler is the author of six works of narrative nonfiction. She is also the author of Pacific Northwest Book Award winner Dancing with Rose (published in paperback as Finding Life in the Land of Alzheimers), Washington Post bestseller Clever Girl and Los Angeles Times bestseller The Happy Bottom Riding Club which David Letterman, in fierce competition with Oprah, chose as the first (and onl...more

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Books by Lauren Kessler

Stubborn Twig: Three Generations in the Life of a Japanese American Family

Dancing with Rose: Finding Life in the Land of Alzheimer's

The Happy Bottom Riding Club: The Life and Times of Pancho Barnes

Clever Girl: Elizabeth Bentley, the Spy Who Ushered in the McCarthy Era

When Words Collide: A Media Writer's Guide to Grammar and Style

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