The greatest sexual pleasure in a person's lifetime is possible in one's middle and later years, asserts Dr. David Schnarch, when a mature sense of self has been achieved and genuine intimacy is possible with another person. At his Family Health Center in Colorado Dr. Schnarch works with couples in long-term committed relationships who want to get emotionally and sexually...more
That was ten years ago. Schnarch wholly shifted my paradigm, not just on relationship but of everything. For starters, pain and difficulty don't mean something "went wrong" but, rather, went right in the sense of... marriage, li...more
Though ostensibly about sex, Passionate Marriage is really about the process of individuation. Learning how to be an individual and a partner at the same time is no easy task for many of...more
It is a book that I think everyone, if they were willing to read it, would get a lot of insight from. It's interesting to me that so few of the people I've given it to or recomme...more
While other books focus on trying to communicat...more
I like the concept of differentiation - figuring out what you really believe in without influence or pressure from anyone else. That is a great idea when linked with how to be intimate. First, be wholly yourself.
Also this idea that we think intimacy is disclosing something personal to someone and then having them validate our e...more
From the book blurb: "Schnarch's fundamental lesson is differentiation -- the often threatening process of defining yourself as separate from your partner, which inevitably draws you closer to your partner than you ever dreamed possible."
The author describes and outlines the processes of differentiation and fusion, how they each play out, look, and feel, and how people get from one to the...more
Or, I am clearly interested in beefing up for Marriage Olympics. Let's just call this guy Béla Károlyi and be done with it, eh? I have gotten so much use out of this book, I'd like to say I took up temporary residence in the crucible for a few months. Really great for me and mine.
David describes several couples that he had seen throug...more
Schnarch believes the dynamics of your relationships, for better or worse, are displayed in your sexual behaviors (i.e. who wants what, frequency, satisfaction…) Thus what’s happening or not happening in the bedroom...more
This is the book that saved my marriage. I recommend it to all my friends and everyone I meet whose marriage is in trouble.
Unlike the great majority of other books on the subject, this one explains that marriage isn't just about being nice to each other, listening, understanding, caring, etc. It is a complex system with inevitable hard times. It explains how your relationships fit into your life a whole, and how a marital crisis is...more
So first the good. Scharch's two main points are 1) that self-soothing...more
He begins this edition with a disclaimer that, even though the couples he portrays here are all het...more
I learned more about how to take care of myself and my own issues than any other self-help type book, and I am a very cynical yet sentimental individual. Schnarch goes into agonizing detail of emotionally bound and f'ed up relationship- agonizing because yo...more
I was surprised at how insightful and helpful this book is even though my perspective on some key spiritual ideas differs from the Author. It has graphic sexual descriptions which might make some readers uncomfortable but I can see how important the stories are to getting his points.
This book has helped me change the way I see myself an...more