You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

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You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

by Eleanor Roosevelt

3.89 · rating details · 156 ratings · 41 reviews

One of the most admired people of the twentieth century, Eleanor Roosevelt remains a role model for a life well lived. At the age of seventy-six, just two years before her death, Roosevelt penned this simple guide toward a more fulfilling life. The commonsense ideas-and heartfelt ideals-presented in this volume are as relevant today as they were five decades ago. Her keys ...more

Paperback, 224 pages

Published September 1st 1983 by Westminster John Knox Press (first published January 28th 1960)

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Jan 31, 2012

Allie Smith rated it

It was a pretty good book & an easy read. Her 11 "rules" are logical and her explanation of them, plausible. They also stand the test of time! She was apparently a pioneer of the "Self-help movement." Although, I believe this would appall her…she was not a fan of psychiatry or therapy. Interestingly, all rules are still applicable to our world today.

Her style is a little dated...even if you didn't know WHO wrote it, you would know it was from a different gen...more

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Apr 03, 2008

Heather rated it

Recommends it for: Any woman who would like to learn from an extraordinary woman.

I loved, loved, loved this book. I felt this book is a rare gem that few people know about. It was like listening to a wise grandma casting her pearls of wisdom that are still very applicable today. The thing I loved the most is that I think anyone could relate to Eleanor Roosevelt! She was an extraordinary woman, yet so ordinary(like you and me) at the same time.
This is one that I will definitely read again.

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Aug 19, 2011

Miz Lizzie rated it

Shelves: fear, history, leadership, memoir, non-fiction, usa

So interesting on so many different levels. The book serves as a self-help manual, a memoir, a textbook on good citizenship and how to become a public servant, a source of small meaningful stories and inspirational tidbits, and a historical document. Written at the end of her life, Eleanor Roosevelt embraced her role as Elder and Public Servant to write a book summarizing the greatest lessons of her life to share with others. In brief, make deliberate effort to overcome your fears, small and ...more

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Aug 12, 2010

Melissa Baggett rated it

Shelves: feminism-women-s-studies, success-literature

In this book, Eleanor Roosevelt outlines eleven actions that each person must take in order to lead a fulfilling life. They are as follows:
1. Learning to Learn--This first key makes the others possible. A fulfilled person must be curious and must learn to use his or her mind as a tool to understand and influence the world. Roosevelt insists that beyond discipline and training, a sense that life is an adventure makes people not only willing but passionate to learn about themselves, their fe...moreIn this book, Eleanor Roosevelt outlines eleven actions that each person must take in order to lead a fulfilling life. They are as follows:
1. Learning to Learn--This first key makes the others possible. A fulfilled person must be curious and must learn to use his or her mind as a tool to understand and influence the world. Roosevelt insists that beyond discipline and training, a sense that life is an adventure makes people not only willing but passionate to learn about themselves, their fellow human beings, and the world. Interests cultivated by the curious mind beget new interests, which beget new interests, and so on, until the interested person is the fulfilled person.
2. Fear, The Great Enemy--For a woman whose husband intoned, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," this key does not surprise the reader. "Fear has always seemed to me to be the worst stumbling block which anyone has to face," Roosevelt writes. "It is the great crippler." Roosevelt's suggestion for overcoming fear is self-discipline--once one has faced certain fears, the strength and confidence gained from those experiences foster the overcoming of new fears. On the flip side, not facing one's fears makes one weaker, and when one is weaker, one has a harder time facing other fears. "Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticizing you. The chances are that they aren't paying any attention to you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying."
3. The Uses of Time--As someone who never feels like I'm productive enough, I was especially interested in Roosevelt's ideas on the subject. One statement, credited to a deceased relative, sticks out: "We have all the time there is." Roosevelt solves the problem of the best way to use time in three ways: 1) achieving an inner calm that allows for one to function contentedly in a stressful environment, 2) concentrating on the task at hand (TAKE THAT MULTITASKING!!!), and 3) arranging the day so that certain tasks are completed at certain times, planning for everything that must be done, and remaining flexible enough to handle the unexpected. Roosevelt also stresses the importance of maintaining good health in order to facilitate the other methods. But these steps are secondary to having something to use one's time for. "The most unhappy people in the world are those who face the days without knowing what to do with their time. But if you have more projects than you have time for, you are not going to be an unhappy person." One must decide what one's life (i.e. time) is going to count for, and then make it count.
4. The Difficult Art of Maturity--Self-respect and self-knowledge as well as an understanding of one's limitations and the limitations of others are all crucial components of maturity. Another important factor is an awareness that as people, we are interdependent. Roosevelt stresses that teaching children as early as possible how little they can do alone is key to helping them become happy, productive adults. Being able to take and use criticism and evaluation are also indicators of maturity. At the top of the heap comes an awareness of one's own values. "To be mature you have to realize what you value most.... Not to arrive at a clear understanding of one's own values is a tragic waste. You have missed the whole point of what life is for."
5. Readjustment is Endless--Here is an interesting observation on Roosevelt's part: She states (correctly, I believe) that women have the advantage of being expected, to a greater extent than men, to make adjustments throughout their lives. The key to handling life is to adjust when necessary; happy people tend to be happy in spite of their circumstances, not because of them.
6. Learning to be Useful--"Happiness is not a goal, it's a by-product." One achieves fulfillment by having a sense of purpose. "Usefulness, whatever form it may take, is the price we should pay for the air we breathe and the food we eat and the privilege of being alive." Roosevelt touts the importance of volunteer work, pointing out that needs exist for all kinds of people to do all kinds of work. One should express one's appreciation for living on this earth by helping others, regardless of monetary rewards.
7. The Right to be an Individual--Roosevelt posits that in order to be fully human, one must assert one's individuality. Human nature is all about an innate drive to be oneself and to achieve self-actualization through various expressions of that self. "It is a brave thing to have courage to be an individual; it is also, perhaps, a lonely thing. But it is better than not being an individual, which is to be nobody at all." Roosevelt lauds what she calls social conformity, which is basically the kind of behavior that allows people to co-exist in society, while decrying conformity to "alien" standards in order to go with the proverbial flow and achieve a level of acceptance by denying one's true self. Roosevelt refers to the keeping up with the Joneses as "the real menaces of this country." (And, as we have seen in the years since she wrote this book in 1960, it's also a menace to our environment and the world.) Not only will one never reach the status of the Joneses, one will lose oneself in the effort. "You can get rid of your neighbors, but you cannot get rid of yourself, so you are the person to be satisfied."
8. How to get the Best out of People--Very little can be accomplished alone. A truly happy, fulfilled person will come to accept, learn from and use the strengths and weaknesses of others as a part of life. Roosevelt identifies two qualities one must have: one must be a good listener, and one must be able to empathize with others. People share more commonalities than they do differences; being able to see oneself as a member of the human race and learning to work with others in that race is crucial.
9. Facing Responsibility--One statement in this chapter jumped out at me more so than others: "I have often thought that so much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating and destructive effect upon society than the others." Passivity is a far graver and more insidious enemy in that it enables aggression, but it also gives people an excuse not to take responsibility. Is to abstain from building gas chambers the same as to fight for human rights? And at the same time, if the gas chambers are built, outfitted and used while one passively looks on, is one not responsible in some part for their existence? To be responsible, one must not only monitor one's behavior, but one must have the courage to speak out when others are doing wrong. But before any of that can happen, Roosevelt maintains that one must have the courage--and take the responsibility--to decide for oneself what is right and what is wrong.
10. How Everyone Can Take Part in Politics--Bad news. Voting is a minimum, according to Roosevelt. Not only must one vote, but one must be educated about whom to vote for and what their stance on issues means in terms of its implications for the future. Challenging the "If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas" argument, Roosevelt maintains that the only way to instill any sort of integrity into the dirty business of politics is to actively involve oneself in it, and, using integrity, reform it.
11. Learning to be a Public Servant--If one chooses to be a public servant, the challenge comes in understanding, first of all, what that means. A public servant must serve, first and foremost, and be empathetic to the needs of his (and Roosevelt sticks to this pronoun) constituents. At the same time, a good public servant must not rely on his position for his livelihood; only a public servant with some other means of income can truly make the best decisions. Public servants must also have an ear for the suggestions of others but not get so bogged down in public opinion that they never do anything worth the effort for fear of offending someone.
A good read, though I would have preferred more concrete examples from Roosevelt's own life and fewer anecdotes about those in her acquaintance.(less)

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Jun 23, 2011

Lindsay rated it

This book was ok. I didn't find it super life changing or anything. Its a pretty simple basic book, targets to the point where we should learn as much as we can, and face our fears, and try new things. Thats what I like about Eleanor Roosevelt. What I've read about her, it seems as if she was a shy girl, but as she got older, she wanted to learn as much as she could and do new things and stop being afraid of things. Basically she lived her life.

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May 02, 2010

~mad added it

I am not a history buff but I have all these biographies from my mother's collection so I picked one. This is a very interesting informative book - I learned quite a lot about the late 1880's until Eleanor died in the 60's. It dragged in the end - yet another political convention and anaysis of that. But I highly recommend for learning more about another time in our country. Life was so different! Give it a try! Seriously.....

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Feb 11, 2010

Sarah rated it

Shelves: autobiography-biography, self-help

This book had a lot of insights that overlapped with more recent advice/psychology books I've read, such as Gordon Livingston's Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. It talkes about integrity, determination, and taking responsibility for yourself, and is remarkably currently for a book written in 1960 by someone born in 1884. I enjoyed the stories about her childhood and her husband, FDR.

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Oct 11, 2011

Patricia marked it as to-read

Shelves: didn-t-read, maybe-later

Eleanor Roosevelt has a very chatty writing style that I found enjoyable to read. However, I wasn't so much into self improvement when I was reading the book, and did not make much progress. I was not able to renew it, so back it went. I might pick it up again later when improvement to self is a more interesting idea.

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Dec 13, 2010

Kelli rated it

Shelves: non-fiction

The overtones of her political progressiveness were a bit hard to swallow. But that being said, it wasn't a complete waste of time. I appreciated the fact that she faced her many fears and conquered them.

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Sep 15, 2011

Carson rated it

I am so enjoying this wonderful book and don't know how I didn't know of it before now. A great gift for college/high school grads, but I'm finding it very applicable to my own life right now.

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Aug 01, 2011

Adele Bonnie rated it

I read this book last summer and frequently take it down from my shelf to look again at some bit of wisdom from ER. I've been inspired to read a biography of their marriage. should be fascinating!

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Mar 27, 2010

Kirstin rated it

Shelves: non-fiction

From an academic standpoint I would give this book a 3 stars. She is constantly stating her opinion as absolute statements--some of which I didn't entirely agree. She doesn't defend her opinions and sentiments very well sometimes and for that I just thought the academic aspects of the book were "okay".

From a personal standpoint, I thought the book was a 5 stars. Perhaps because the book is a little outdated, I felt like I was reading counsel from my grandmother. She i...more

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Oct 18, 2011

Gibselle rated it

I think this might be the best "self-help" book I have ever read. Wonderful as both history and good advice that stands the test of time.

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Oct 17, 2010

Debby Loomis rated it

Read this off and on for several years, so don't have good overall recollection, but I really admire her and her lessons are good ones.

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Nov 28, 2008

Danica rated it

A book to keep by your bedside and read a page or two before you go to sleep.
Inspirational, keeping us on the right path

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Nov 12, 2011

Susan Kosel rated it

I always admired Eleanor Roosevelt. She is able to write clearly and to the point. Very good read.

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Dec 09, 2008

Kathy rated it

This was a really good book. It talked about how we are constantly learning as we go through life.

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Jul 03, 2011

Seema rated it

Good, honestly written by Eleanor Roosevelt about her learning in life

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Apr 25, 2010

Deborah Phillips rated it

Great overview to her guiding principles.

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Sep 03, 2011

Covenant Presbyterian Springfield Ohio added it

Shelves: library-lounge

Call Number: 158.1 ROO

Available.

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Mar 25, 2009

Niki rated it

Shelves: 2008-09-richmond-book-club

I actually really enjoyed reading this book, but had to do it in small doses. Each chapter is a little bit of wisdom from Eleanor Roosevelt that she learned throughout her life. I strongly believe in learning about someone from their own words, so I enjoyed that aspect of the book. She is very straightforward and I am sure for her time was cutting edge. I like some of her philosophies about life including how to really have a love for learning and being a public servant. Great read, just not...more

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Nov 04, 2010

Lea rated it

Shelves: history

Good wisdom that is timeless. Although some of the advice is a little outdated - organizing your servants and household employees - all of her wisdom is still relevant today. She gave a lot of advice aimed at raising children. Her stories were a highlight for me and I wish she had included more.
If you a fan of Eleanor, you will enjoy this endearing book of her pearls of wisdom.
Aptly, this book was a gift from my mother.

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Jan 20, 2012

Kathryn rated it

Shelves: 2011

This was an interesting book. I didn't learn much that I didn't deep down already know. Yet, reading it from the perspective of Elanor Roosevelt and the time she wrote it was 1960, it just seems somethings never change. Our world, children, politics - the same basic situations just the date and people have changed. She truly was a woman I would have liked to have met.

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Sep 28, 2009

Mom - Joanne rated it

I picked this up while visiting the Roosevelt Library...and really enjoyed Eleanor's everyday wisdom.

By the time we are an adult we are the sum total of the choices we have made...hmmm! Something to think about!

Politics is the participation of the citizen in his government. The kind of government he has depends entirely on the quality of that participation! Oh My!

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Jul 30, 2008

Ariyati rated it

Shelves: motivation-inspiration

It took more than 1 year to finish since I keep going back to previous pages.. It seems never enough just to read 1 time.. she wrote it wisely and unlike self-help textbook..
It is more like she was talking to you and you can feel the emotion as well..
I will definitely return to this book for any advise from Mrs Eleanor Rooselvelt.. anytime (horee! rare chance)

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May 19, 2008

Jenn rated it

I admire Eleanor Roosevelt for the strength she had to overcome her fears and inadequacies. In this book she gives great advice on raising children, speaking in public, serving the community and dealing with awkward circumstances. She was a simple person that did great things. This is a book you can read every year and learn new things.

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Nov 12, 2011

Melanie rated it

Shelves: the-women-characters-i-love-the-boo

My favorite quote: "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." — Eleanor Roosevelt (You Learn by Living)

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Oct 18, 2009

Nancy Cullinane rated it

Shelves: book-club-08-09

I like her common sense approach to life. She was raised in a wealthy, yet not necessarily loving family, yet she aspired to be her best self.
She shares good ideas that are relevant for all time, though there are some areas that are a little dated.
I'm inspired to read more about her life.

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Feb 19, 2008

Heather rated it

Eleanor Roosevelt was a woman way before her time. She decided to write this book after the numerous letters she had received as the first lady and beyond. Her advice is priceless and practical. A book I'll definitely be rereading often.

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Sep 13, 2009

Mata rated it

Shelves: bookclub08-09

A cute little book, with some simple straightforward advice. Yes, it's a bit dated at points, but it you put it in historical context, she really is an amazing woman and you can tell how influential she was to women in her time.

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About Eleanor Roosevelt

Anna Eleanor Roosevelt was an American political leader who used her influence as an active First Lady from 1933 to 1945 to promote the New Deal policies of her husband, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, as well as taking a prominent role as an advocate for civil rights. After her husband's death in 1945, she continued to be an internationally prominent author and speaker for the New Deal coalition...more

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“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.” — 20,707 people liked it

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” — 3,606 people liked it

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