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The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists
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The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists

3.96  ·  Rating Details ·  245 Ratings  ·  30 Reviews
How to Manage the Narcissistic People in Your Life Does your boss constantly blame you for things you didn't do? Do you isolate yourself from friends and family to avoid conflict at home? Do you feel anxious when you see a certain 'friend's' name on your cell phone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you most likely have a narcissist in your life. The Object of ...more
ebook, 274 pages
Published January 1st 2010 by Health Communications (first published October 1st 2008)
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shainur
Oct 05, 2012 shainur rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I picked up this book because I had read another book by Rockelle Lerner that I thought was pretty good. I had been looking for a book about narcissism but not something that was overly clinical. This book was really good. Finally all the crap that I had been put through made sense. She even highlights other not-so-obvious signs of NPD that made me realize someone else in my life was narcissistic, as well. This book is very good 1) to make sense of what narcissism is all about 2) to understand w ...more
Angelyn
Sep 23, 2014 Angelyn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I learned a lot from this book. We all have some narcissistic tendencies, but the thing I thought was the most interesting was that true narcissists carry a heavy shame that they bury deep. It's too painful to deal with, so they just can't. Shame is different than guilt. Shame is not healthy and a can be given to an innocent with criticism and abuse etc. Guilt comes because of something we've done and can be a healthy deterrent.
Jennifer Spiegel
Long story short. I read this book after the guy who colors my hair recommended it when we got in a conversation about Alec Baldwin when he learned I love "30 Rock." It turned out that my hairdresser is working on a Masters in Counselling and I'm writing a novel that may or may not be about psychologically-damaged people, who are--quite possibly--Narcissists. I kinda think the guy who does my hair is awesome, and the book sounded like good research-material for my novel.

For the record, I think A
...more
Robert
I was grateful to learn more about what narcissism is and how to better understand people with these tendencies. However, I didn't like how Lerner made such an absolute distinction between a narcissist and someone with narcissistic tendencies. In my mind I see this as a continuum of severity, with different traits causing people to act in different ways.

Lerner kept insisting that ALL narcissists do exactly this and behave in this exact way. While labels can help us understand people and situati
...more
Arwa
Nov 08, 2014 Arwa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I picked out this book because I felt I was surrounded by narcissists and thought that maybe reading this book could inspire me to be more tolerant and understanding of narcissists. The beginning of the book was good, informative and applicable to a lot of the patterns I see around me with parents, children and psychosocial risk factors for narcissism. So that was fun. But toward the end, the book talked more about dealing with narcissists in relationships. And since I am not in a relationship w ...more
Marie desJardins
In my search for books about dealing with difficult people at work, this is one of the better ones I've read. The chapters about the causes and symptoms of narcissism are very interesting and insightful (if occasionally a bit "academic psychology jargon-ish"). Unfortunately for my purposes, the rest of the book is primarily about personal relationships with narcissists. There is just one short chapter about dealing with narcissists in a work environment, and most of that chapter focuses on havin ...more
Zandra
I bought this book at a conference after hearing the author's lecture. This book does an excellent job explaining narcissism and how it shows up in various relationships. She does a great job clearing up the misconceptions of narcissism and reminding people of the humanity of those who live with this personality disorder. I found this book to be easy to read and extremely helpful working with children of narcissist. My clients love it, and they see the differences between entitlement and narciss ...more
Karen Stevens
Jan 20, 2015 Karen Stevens rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great book. If you have a narcissist in your life that is sucking the life blood from, this is the book to read. It provides clear understanding of the world through the eyes of the narcissist. It helps to put in perspective behavior that may be so confusing and damaging. From this point of knowledge and understanding of the world through the eyes of the narcissist, decisions can be made easier and the resulting pain lessened. It helped me tremendously.
Emma
Mar 07, 2016 Emma rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
3.5 stars. There's something interesting and useful information in here (e.g. on different 'types' of narcissism, and on the potential origins of narcissistic traits), and I'm sure I'll come back to the book from time to time. I would have benefited from a lengthier chapter (or chapters) on working with narcissists, but I do appreciate that the book is intended for a general audience and for people in relationships with narcissists at work/home.
Erin
Aug 05, 2016 Erin rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A heavy-duty take on narcissism and the responsibility of oneself when you realize you've allowed your life to be hijacked by a human vampire. It was recommended to me by my therapist. This is a hard book to read because the author is brutally honest towards the most-likely-codependent partner that will allow a narcissist to beat them down for years on end. While she, and most other authors, agree that it's not the partner's fault that he/she was treated abysmally, it is our own responsibility t ...more
A.K. Klemm
Feb 10, 2017 A.K. Klemm rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Enlightening and disturbing. I needed to read this.
Lizi
Sep 13, 2013 Lizi marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: narc
Review: "How to Manage the Narcissistic People in Your Life
Does your boss constantly blame you for things you didn't do? Do you isolate yourself from friends and family to avoid conflict at home? Do you feel anxious when you see a certain 'friend's' name on your cell phone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you most likely have a narcissist in your life. The Object of My Affection Is in My Reflection will help you understand the complexities of this disorder and arm you with the cop
...more
Katie
Jan 07, 2011 Katie rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book at a time when I was trying to cope with a Narcissistic boss who was making me MISERABLE. For me personally, Narcissists keep showing up in my life- partly because I'm usually in places and situations that they seek out. So, I wanted to educate myself that much more. This is a good, common man, non-clinical read on Narcissism. It helps you gain a perspective of what's going on and how to cope with it without letting it get the best of you. Helpful, but certainly not preachy. The ...more
Roman
Feb 03, 2014 Roman rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
There's a ton of information in this book. The author covers a lot of ground. For much of the book, identifying Narcissists and people with Narcissistic style is the focus. The last is how to survive one and cope with detachment.
Charlotte
There is not much new here. Other books on codependency are easier to use for self-growth. However, the explanation for narcissistic personality disorder is a good one and a new way to look at family of origin problems.
Diana Rodriguez
Mar 17, 2014 Diana Rodriguez rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book provides a good overview of the factors that can lead an individual to develop Narcissistic personality disorder.It is helpful in outlining the differences between what an individual with narcissistic traits looks like versus someone who has a full blown narcissistic personality disorder.
Barbs Lodge
Aug 08, 2011 Barbs Lodge rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Great read - I never really knew what a true narcissist was like. Now I do and no-one is immune from displaying some traits :-)
Amanda Wise
Jan 18, 2016 Amanda Wise rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Really opened my eyes on how to interact with certain individuals and what to do in certain situations depending on who is the narcissist in my life.
Shantel
Feb 28, 2016 Shantel rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very Helpful

I just went no contact with a narc and this book was a blessing disguise. I highly recommend you reading this if you're trying to get your life back.
Danyelle Leafty
Dec 11, 2011 Danyelle Leafty rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: bookshelf-2011
4.5 stars. Excellent read if you're dealing with/researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Lots of helpful information, although much is slanted towards dealing with a partner who has NPD.
Gail
Gail rated it it was ok
Jul 05, 2016
Cynthia S. Reed
Cynthia S. Reed rated it it was amazing
Jul 09, 2015
Marilyn
Marilyn rated it really liked it
May 16, 2014
E Ambrozaitis
E Ambrozaitis rated it liked it
Jun 02, 2016
Nakia June
Nakia June rated it liked it
Jun 17, 2011
Lisa
Lisa rated it it was ok
Nov 01, 2014
Melanie Kirdasi
Melanie Kirdasi rated it liked it
Dec 17, 2011
John
John rated it really liked it
Dec 11, 2014
Gretchen
Gretchen rated it did not like it
Jul 09, 2015
Roxanne
Roxanne rated it liked it
Dec 23, 2014
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“narcissists sense that their partner will inevitably see how inadequate they are and leave for someone else. Rather than wait for that reality, they’d rather control the inevitability and leave first.” 0 likes
“To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.   To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love myself more.” 0 likes
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