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Sh*t My Dad Says

3.97 of 5 stars 3.97  ·  rating details  ·  83,202 ratings  ·  6,248 reviews
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
"That woman was sexy. . . . Out
...more
Hardcover, 159 pages
Published May 4th 2010 by It Books (first published January 1st 2010)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Eric_W
Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose t ...more
Ellen


On Today’s Hairstyles

“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

On Canine Leisure Time

“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”

description

My father-in-law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern’s dad, and although he didn’t use the word “fuck” nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there.

Sh*t My Dad Says ha
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Cynthia
To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin’s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team.

Here are a few quotes which
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Heather K (dentist in my spare time)
*Audiobook edition*

How fabulous was that?!

I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn't expecting it to be so touching.

I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick. A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person. Though he is really direct, I was shocked at how kind and loving Sam Halpern was. Hilarious and supportive, that is how I would describe him.

This book was like a humorous lesson in valuing family. As a parent, I rela
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Laura the Highland Hussy
Review posted on Got Fiction?

I bought this for my husband and I later found it in the bathroom (choice male reading space). So my husband endorses the hilarity of this book too ;)

Holy crap is this book hysterical! His dad comes off as some redneck jerk of a dad, but actually used to be in nuclear medicine! And the sayings, I mean, silly stuff from vacations, like we've all had to share a bed with a cousin, or a relative at a family reunion, but when little Justin Halpern complains about sharing
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Steph Sinclair
Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scr ...more
John Egbert
How Not To Write A Book

Assume Your Audience

My audience is white, black, Hispanic, likes popcorn, pizza, blue, orange, they'll find this funny, they won't find this funny, etc etc. Never assume your audience. This book's first mistake was making a joke of which I found in particularly bad taste. I will not mention said joke here, because it isn't important. The only thing I'll say is that I did not find it funny, and it turned me away.

Never assume anything about your audience. If you're going to
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Catie
I’m not sure how I feel about this book. On the one hand, I get pretty annoyed when alarmists decry the rise in ebook sales as “The End of Literature!” Not all new technologies and trends have to be world-ending. On the other hand, I get pretty depressed about all of these humorous blogs being essentially repackaged as “books” and sold*. And this one isn’t even from a blog! It’s from a twitter feed. Really? Maybe that’s the next big thing, but there’s a large part of me that feels like a bunch o ...more
Meghan
Wondering who's going to take over for David Sedaris now that he's moved to France and used up all his family anecdotes? Justin Halpern is here to save us. Shit My Dad Saysis basically, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. He truly demonstrates how a skilled writer can take his Twitter feed and turn it into a legitimately hilarious, well written, and poignant read.
John and Kris
Shit My Dad Says is a fast, enjoyable read that had me laughing at times. Shit My Dad Says is wonderful because it doesn’t attempt to do too much by artificially making it more than what it really is: a witty book about a father and his sons. If you like some of the following quotes it might make for a nice Father’s Day present.

Justin Halpern, a writer for Maxim magazine, was forced to move back into his childhood home after being dumped by his girlfriend. He lived with his retired from nuclear
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Valerie
Alright, alright I should've known better than to read a book with a title like that. Me being me, I don't particularly like excessive swearing. I can take some but seriously, this dad puts high-school students and frat boys to shame. And just a little tidbit f*** is not a noun or adjective, it's a verb. Words can’t do it and neither can non-living objects. Though I should mention that the man is intelligent—he is a science guy, professor I believe. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say ...more
Kelly H. (Maybedog)
This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensiti ...more
Meredith
Having grown up with a curt sarcastic father, I thought I'd enjoy reading the snide comments of and family stories about someone else's terse sardonic dad. Although I laughed out loud several times as I read this, there was such an undercurrent of mean-spiritedness that I found it unsettling, and the book ultimately undoes its own humor.
Inge
On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time
“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”

When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days at home, so the guys spend a lot of time together. Halpern Senior has an opinion about everything and doesn't sweet-talk his way around it, he says exactly what he's thinking and doesn't give a shit abou
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Mollie
I first heard about Shit My Dad Says via the @shitmydadsays Twitter account. The first time I stumbled upon it I read through every tweet available. Bascially, Justin Halpern, after his girlfriend dumped him and he had no place to live, moved back home with his parents. He began leaving the outrageous one-liners from his 70 year old cantankereous father on his AIM away messages. Someone suggested to him that he create a Twitter account and, a million followers later, he has a book offer and a pe ...more
Kurt Pankau
This is a book based on a twitter feed that also spawned three-quarters of a season of prime time television. This was never anything but opportunism, and I would have been happy with a best-of-the-tweets anthology. Expectations were low; this is what I'm saying. And I still walked away disappointed.

Justin Halpern's love-sploitation of his father Sam Halpern attempts to transcend those expectations and stretch a thin premise into something with narrative and heart. I applaud his efforts, but the
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Aileen
Mar 13, 2011 Aileen rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: My siblings, people looking for a funny respite
Shelves: fun, poignant
I've read the Sh*t My Dad Says Twitter feed, and was looking to find something fun and light to read while writing my final for Legal Writing. It was exactly what I wanted: funny, crass, but also unexpectedly poignant.

For those of you who've read the Twitter, there's not a whole lot of flexibility with the 140 (Is it 140 characters? I'm getting old...) characters, and so Justin Halpern's dad is attenuated in these quick one-liners. The book gives Halpern more room to write background information
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Scott
Part One: Where I am surprised by the emotions caused by a book titled Sh*t My Dad Says

I'll admit it: I'm a crier. I cry when something is emotionally effective. This means I have to be connected to it, the characters, the story, whatever. It can't just be some manipulative tear-jerker (I'm staring at you The Notebook).
Still, you can imagine my shock and dismay when a book called Sh*t My Dad Says got the floodgates to open. Sure, from the title one may suspect these were tears of laughter. I la
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Jennifer
Sh*t My Dad Says is a nonfiction, comedic, memoir of sorts written by Justin Halpern. Mr. Halpern thought to dedicate a twitter account to the crazy stuff that comes out of his dad’s mouth in response to various topics and situations, and fellow tweeters rapidly followed by the masses. Shortly after, Mr. Halpern was offered a variety of adaptations of his popular twitter feed, including this book.

Reading Sh*t My Dad Says was like watching those funny home video shows...you know the ones that sh
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Jen

I read this book curled up in blankets and warmed by a shot or two of green Nyquil. And the book was delightful, full of raucous obscenity-laced wisdom and ham-handed parental love. It is obvious that Justin Halpern loves his dad and the shit he says and it is evident from the shit that his dad says that he loves Justin. This book made me feel good about being a parent who has, on occasion, called one of their little darling DNA replicates an asshole.

Being a parent is hard shit, my friend. It
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Terry
If you aren't familiar with @shitmydadsays, it's a collection of quotes by Justin Halpern's curmudgeonly father Sam which has 1.2 million followers and is soon to be a tv series starring William Shatner.

I'm usually skeptical when a blog gets published in a book format. Why would I want to pay for something I can read online for free? So my initial reaction to seeing Shit My Dad Says was WTF? How do you publish a book based on a hundred 140-character Tweets?

Instead of just collecting the quotable
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TK421
Dec 07, 2014 TK421 rated it 4 of 5 stars
Shelves: humor
While the dad of this book did not resemble my dad, the dad of this book did resemble a montage of dads from my neighborhood. These stories made me laugh, shake my head, and yearn for the forgotten days of my youth. Sardonic, caustic, crass, clever, hilarious, and comforting, the dad of this book will make you appreciate your own dad in ways that were never previously thought about. As a dad now myself, I hope I am able to share my wisdom with my own children in a manner that sticks so thoroughl ...more
Ruby  Tombstone [With A Vengeance]
I wanted this to be funnier.

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I used to follow the @Sh*tMyDadSays Twitter account and more often than not the tweets made me laugh out loud. It really is, however, a matter of context. On Twitter, there is no context. The tweets show up randomly in your stream, amid tweets about important social issues and highly inappropriate lolcats, and you're taken by surprise. Apparently, that's what made it funny.

[image error]



The book places the tweets in a context, serving as a character study
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Becky
Fuuuuuuuuuck! I could kick myself. I have avoided this book for so long, thinking that it would be lame, like Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions, but then Audible was having a sale, and this was like $4, AND they had recently credited me $10 for being awesome... or buying audiobooks or something. So I decided to take the chance on it, and a better $4 I could not have had Audible spend on me today.

I fucking loved listening to the shit that Justin Halpern'
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Karly *The Vampire Ninja*


Please note that I have no idea how to rate this book in any scholarly way and that I am giving it a five for one reason and one reason only, which is: Justin Halpern's dad is probably the most hilariously blunt man to ever be depicted in written word. That being said this book is just a series of anecdotes and sage advice from Sam Halpern.

Justin writes in the intro "The more time I spent with my dad in those first couple of months back home, the more grateful I started to feel for the mixture
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Eastofoz
The only thing I found funny about this book is the title. If you like 16 year old boy humor or Maxim magazine's style of humor then odds are you'll love this book. The writing style and presentation of a brief story or anecdote followed by a few quotes from the very abrasive dad are well-done but I just didn't find the content funny for the most part. The dad sounds like a horrible parent with his f- this and f- that to his kids and he comes across like a mean and miserly curmudgeon. I didn't g ...more
Hannah Jo Parker
Update: Okay, I read it and it was as funny as everyone says. Of course, I am rather fond of profanity, so I may be biased.


Earlier: My co-worker talked me into checking out this book today because he read it and liked it, but I mainly did it because I can't wait to add it to my new custom e-mail signature as the book I'm currently reading. That's how mature I am.
Rose
I read "Sh*t My Dad Says" in about an hour, holding my sides laughing for almost the entire time. Justin Halpern paints an interesting portrait of his life and childhood lessons from his father - who's quite the character (that's an understatement). This book revolves around a series of stories and some of the most memorable quotes taken from the Twitter compilation. Sometimes you have to agree that Halpern's father is right in what he says, even if he says it so pointedly that you don't know wh ...more
Dani Peloquin
When I was driving across the country this summer, I tried to find audiobooks that would make me laugh and keep me awake. I took a chance on this book because I had heard some of Halpern’s one liners and they made me giggle. After reading the back, it didn’t sound like there was much to this book but I hoped that at least it would keep a smile on my face. Fortunately, Halpern far surpassed my expectations!

As I am sure everyone knows by now, the book is based on Halpern’s tweets regarding his fat
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3406353
I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
More about Justin Halpern...
I Suck at Girls More Sh*t My Dad Says Mom Says I'm Handsome Cartel II: Summer, 2012 Cartel IV: Winter, 2013

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“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.” 156 likes
“On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.”
84 likes
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