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Sh*t My Dad Says

3.98  ·  Rating Details ·  105,342 Ratings  ·  7,006 Reviews
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
"That woman was sexy. . . . Out
Hardcover, 159 pages
Published May 4th 2010 by It Books (first published January 1st 2010)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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May 27, 2010 Eric_W rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose t ...more

On Today’s Hairstyles

“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

On Canine Leisure Time

“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”


My father-in-law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern’s dad, and although he didn’t use the word “fuck” nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there.

Sh*t My Dad Says ha
Diane S ☔
Jan 16, 2016 Diane S ☔ rated it really liked it
Politically incorrect, irreverent, with a liberal smattering of profanity, vulgar at times but oh so funny. Probably many of us know someone just like Justin's dad, a truthful, no holds barred type of person but with a very big heart underneath. A man who when it really counts will do, anything for his family. This was a laugh out loud, amusing look at one such man, a self made man who came from poverty to working on cancer research in nuclear medicine, a man who has blunt advice for his son of ...more
Anna M.
2016 Genre Challenge : Non-Fiction

This book was funny, or it had some laugh out loud moments.... But I think I went into expecting something a little different. I guess reading the blurb, I thought it would be about a twenty something guy living with his seventy four year old father and the antics of an older gentleman. In reality, this book was about the authors father and everything he remembers his father saying as he was growing up. It's like a reverse "my child's funniest phrases" book. For
May 13, 2010 Cynthia rated it it was amazing
To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin’s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team.

Here are a few quotes which
Natalie Monroe
“Snausages? I’ve been eating dog treats? Why the fuck would you put them on the counter where the rest of the food is? Fuck it, they’re delicious. I will not be shamed by this.”

This is Sam Halpern, father of Justin Halpern, the author. He's very blunt and unapologetic.

“I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving this shit.”

He cares deeply about his son's welfare.

“Don't touch that knife. You never need to b
Heather K (dentist in my spare time)

How fabulous was that?!

I was expecting this book to be funny and quotable, but I wasn't expecting it to be so touching.

I think when I heard the concept for this book I expected Sam Halpern to be kind of a dick. A funny dick, but a sort of mean and grumpy person. Though he is really direct, I was shocked at how kind and loving Sam Halpern was. Hilarious and supportive, that is how I would describe him.

This book was like a humorous lesson in valuing family. As a parent, I related to SO much of t
Laura the Highland Hussy
Nov 23, 2012 Laura the Highland Hussy rated it really liked it
Review posted on Got Fiction?

I bought this for my husband and I later found it in the bathroom (choice male reading space). So my husband endorses the hilarity of this book too ;)

Holy crap is this book hysterical! His dad comes off as some redneck jerk of a dad, but actually used to be in nuclear medicine! And the sayings, I mean, silly stuff from vacations, like we've all had to share a bed with a cousin, or a relative at a family reunion, but when little Justin Halpern complains about sharing
Jun 16, 2010 Meghan rated it it was amazing
Wondering who's going to take over for David Sedaris now that he's moved to France and used up all his family anecdotes? Justin Halpern is here to save us. Shit My Dad Saysis basically, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. He truly demonstrates how a skilled writer can take his Twitter feed and turn it into a legitimately hilarious, well written, and poignant read.
May 31, 2011 Catie rated it it was ok
I’m not sure how I feel about this book. On the one hand, I get pretty annoyed when alarmists decry the rise in ebook sales as “The End of Literature!” Not all new technologies and trends have to be world-ending. On the other hand, I get pretty depressed about all of these humorous blogs being essentially repackaged as “books” and sold*. And this one isn’t even from a blog! It’s from a twitter feed. Really? Maybe that’s the next big thing, but there’s a large part of me that feels like a bunch o ...more
Steph Sinclair
Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scr ...more
Sep 16, 2015 Kelli rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm not cool enough to do Twitter (I suspect I'm appearing less cool by the second it use Twitter? Do Twitter? tweet? Whatever!! I'm old!) point is, I'm not sure how I even heard of this book, but I am so glad I found it. I cannot remember the last time I laughed this hard. The audio was fantastic. I'm pretty sure anyone who saw me at the Y today has solidified their opinion that I must be a total lunatic. It was that funny!
This dad is an enigma: clearly brilliant, yet seemingly u
John Egbert
Apr 25, 2011 John Egbert rated it did not like it
Recommends it for: Nobody.
Recommended to John by: Cory
How Not To Write A Book

Assume Your Audience

My audience is white, black, Hispanic, likes popcorn, pizza, blue, orange, they'll find this funny, they won't find this funny, etc etc. Never assume your audience. This book's first mistake was making a joke of which I found in particularly bad taste. I will not mention said joke here, because it isn't important. The only thing I'll say is that I did not find it funny, and it turned me away.

Never assume anything about your audience. If you're going to
Jan 14, 2016 Michelle rated it really liked it
Shelves: cracked-me-up
4 Stars!
Seen this floating around on GRs and needed a laugh so I grabbed it.
If you're wanting a laugh this is a quick read that will have you giggling in no time!
Justin's dad is a hoot! If you don't like cussing in books then I'd stay away from this one because Justin's dad loves to say fuck!
Everybody knows that's one of my favorite words so it didn't bother me at all. lol
I loved this! I will probably be reading the next one called More Shit My Dad Says when I'm in need of more giggling. lol
Jan 17, 2016 ☮Karen rated it really liked it
I needed a light, funny read to help me deal with some sadness, and this helped. I don't usually find funny books funny (I'm looking at you Seriously... I'm Kidding), but this was an exception.

The author's dad is quite a character. He just tells it like he sees it without a second thought or regret, never censoring himself, that's for sure. His language--a**hole, bullsh*t, and the f-bomb are used constantly-- might offend some delicate ears, but so be it. If the f word offends you, you may want
John and Kris
Jun 08, 2010 John and Kris rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shit My Dad Says is a fast, enjoyable read that had me laughing at times. Shit My Dad Says is wonderful because it doesn’t attempt to do too much by artificially making it more than what it really is: a witty book about a father and his sons. If you like some of the following quotes it might make for a nice Father’s Day present.

Justin Halpern, a writer for Maxim magazine, was forced to move back into his childhood home after being dumped by his girlfriend. He lived with his retired from nuclear
Jan 24, 2015 Valerie rated it it was ok
Shelves: male-protagonist
Alright, alright I should've known better than to read a book with a title like that. Me being me, I don't particularly like excessive swearing. I can take some but seriously, this dad puts high-school students and frat boys to shame. And just a little tidbit f*** is not a noun or adjective, it's a verb. Words can’t do it and neither can non-living objects. Though I should mention that the man is intelligent—he is a science guy, professor I believe. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say ...more
On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time
“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”

When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days at home, so the guys spend a lot of time together. Halpern Senior has an opinion about everything and doesn't sweet-talk his way around it, he says exactly what he's thinking and doesn't give a shit abou
Kelly H. (Maybedog)
This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensiti ...more
Jul 13, 2010 Meredith rated it it was ok
Having grown up with a curt sarcastic father, I thought I'd enjoy reading the snide comments of and family stories about someone else's terse sardonic dad. Although I laughed out loud several times as I read this, there was such an undercurrent of mean-spiritedness that I found it unsettling, and the book ultimately undoes its own humor.
Aug 23, 2011 Mollie rated it really liked it
I first heard about Shit My Dad Says via the @shitmydadsays Twitter account. The first time I stumbled upon it I read through every tweet available. Bascially, Justin Halpern, after his girlfriend dumped him and he had no place to live, moved back home with his parents. He began leaving the outrageous one-liners from his 70 year old cantankereous father on his AIM away messages. Someone suggested to him that he create a Twitter account and, a million followers later, he has a book offer and a pe ...more
Dec 30, 2012 Jen rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: toolbox, humor

I read this book curled up in blankets and warmed by a shot or two of green Nyquil. And the book was delightful, full of raucous obscenity-laced wisdom and ham-handed parental love. It is obvious that Justin Halpern loves his dad and the shit he says and it is evident from the shit that his dad says that he loves Justin. This book made me feel good about being a parent who has, on occasion, called one of their little darling DNA replicates an asshole.

Being a parent is hard shit, my friend. It
Mar 13, 2011 Aileen rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: My siblings, people looking for a funny respite
Shelves: poignant, fun
I've read the Sh*t My Dad Says Twitter feed, and was looking to find something fun and light to read while writing my final for Legal Writing. It was exactly what I wanted: funny, crass, but also unexpectedly poignant.

For those of you who've read the Twitter, there's not a whole lot of flexibility with the 140 (Is it 140 characters? I'm getting old...) characters, and so Justin Halpern's dad is attenuated in these quick one-liners. The book gives Halpern more room to write background information
Part One: Where I am surprised by the emotions caused by a book titled Sh*t My Dad Says

I'll admit it: I'm a crier. I cry when something is emotionally effective. This means I have to be connected to it, the characters, the story, whatever. It can't just be some manipulative tear-jerker (I'm staring at you The Notebook).
Still, you can imagine my shock and dismay when a book called Sh*t My Dad Says got the floodgates to open. Sure, from the title one may suspect these were tears of laughter. I la
May 25, 2016 Ciara rated it it was amazing

Praiz Sophyronja
I'm in love with an old man...
Sh*t My Dad Says is a nonfiction, comedic, memoir of sorts written by Justin Halpern. Mr. Halpern thought to dedicate a twitter account to the crazy stuff that comes out of his dad’s mouth in response to various topics and situations, and fellow tweeters rapidly followed by the masses. Shortly after, Mr. Halpern was offered a variety of adaptations of his popular twitter feed, including this book.

Reading Sh*t My Dad Says was like watching those funny home video know the ones that sh
Kurt Pankau
This is a book based on a twitter feed that also spawned three-quarters of a season of prime time television. This was never anything but opportunism, and I would have been happy with a best-of-the-tweets anthology. Expectations were low; this is what I'm saying. And I still walked away disappointed.

Justin Halpern's love-sploitation of his father Sam Halpern attempts to transcend those expectations and stretch a thin premise into something with narrative and heart. I applaud his efforts, but the
Mar 08, 2010 Terry rated it really liked it
If you aren't familiar with @shitmydadsays, it's a collection of quotes by Justin Halpern's curmudgeonly father Sam which has 1.2 million followers and is soon to be a tv series starring William Shatner.

I'm usually skeptical when a blog gets published in a book format. Why would I want to pay for something I can read online for free? So my initial reaction to seeing Shit My Dad Says was WTF? How do you publish a book based on a hundred 140-character Tweets?

Instead of just collecting the quotable
Sep 17, 2016 Pamela rated it it was amazing
Hilarious! But I'm curious about one thing. Being as I am very close in age to "Dad," I wonder if some of the things he said that I wholeheartedly agreed with maybe weren't intended to be the gems of wisdom I saw them as.
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I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
More about Justin Halpern...

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“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.” 173 likes
“On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.”
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