Sh*t My Dad Says
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Sh*t My Dad Says

3.97 of 5 stars 3.97  ·  rating details  ·  70,877 ratings  ·  5,884 reviews
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
"That woman was sexy. . . . Out
Hardcover, 159 pages
Published May 4th 2010 by It Books (first published January 1st 2010)
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Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose t...more

On Today’s Hairstyles

“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

On Canine Leisure Time

“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”


My father-in-law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern’s dad, and although he didn’t use the word “fuck” nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there.

Sh*t My Dad Says ha...more
To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin’s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team.

Here are a few quotes which...more
Laura the Highland Hussy
Review posted on Got Fiction?

I bought this for my husband and I later found it in the bathroom (choice male reading space). So my husband endorses the hilarity of this book too ;)

Holy crap is this book hysterical! His dad comes off as some redneck jerk of a dad, but actually used to be in nuclear medicine! And the sayings, I mean, silly stuff from vacations, like we've all had to share a bed with a cousin, or a relative at a family reunion, but when little Justin Halpern complains about sharing...more
John Egbert
How Not To Write A Book

Assume Your Audience

My audience is white, black, Hispanic, likes popcorn, pizza, blue, orange, they'll find this funny, they won't find this funny, etc etc. Never assume your audience. This book's first mistake was making a joke of which I found in particularly bad taste. I will not mention said joke here, because it isn't important. The only thing I'll say is that I did not find it funny, and it turned me away.

Never assume anything about your audience. If you're going to...more
Steph Sinclair
Well, that was something I don't read everyday. I don't think I've ever read a book that had the ability to make me laugh out loud on one page and cringe on the next. When I first picked up Sh*t My Dad Says, I had no idea it originated from Halpern's twitter page. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I can see why the twitter page, which compromised of random quotes from Halpern's dad, would be a hit. It's just the right amount of comic relief you may need while wasting precious hours of your life scr...more
I’m not sure how I feel about this book. On the one hand, I get pretty annoyed when alarmists decry the rise in ebook sales as “The End of Literature!” Not all new technologies and trends have to be world-ending. On the other hand, I get pretty depressed about all of these humorous blogs being essentially repackaged as “books” and sold*. And this one isn’t even from a blog! It’s from a twitter feed. Really? Maybe that’s the next big thing, but there’s a large part of me that feels like a bunch o...more
Wondering who's going to take over for David Sedaris now that he's moved to France and used up all his family anecdotes? Justin Halpern is here to save us. Shit My Dad Saysis basically, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. He truly demonstrates how a skilled writer can take his Twitter feed and turn it into a legitimately hilarious, well written, and poignant read.
John and Kris
Shit My Dad Says is a fast, enjoyable read that had me laughing at times. Shit My Dad Says is wonderful because it doesn’t attempt to do too much by artificially making it more than what it really is: a witty book about a father and his sons. If you like some of the following quotes it might make for a nice Father’s Day present.

Justin Halpern, a writer for Maxim magazine, was forced to move back into his childhood home after being dumped by his girlfriend. He lived with his retired from nuclear...more
Alright, alright I should've known better than to read a book with a title like that. Me being me, I don't particularly like excessive swearing. I can take some but seriously, this dad puts high-school students and frat boys to shame. And just a little tidbit f*** is not a noun or adjective, it's a verb. Words can’t do it and neither can non-living objects. Though I should mention that the man is intelligent—he is a science guy, professor I believe. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say...more
Having grown up with a curt sarcastic father, I thought I'd enjoy reading the snide comments of and family stories about someone else's terse sardonic dad. Although I laughed out loud several times as I read this, there was such an undercurrent of mean-spiritedness that I found it unsettling, and the book ultimately undoes its own humor.
On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time
“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”

When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days at home, so the guys spend a lot of time together. Halpern Senior has an opinion about everything and doesn't sweet-talk his way around it, he says exactly what he's thinking and doesn't give a shit about...more
Kelly  Maybedog
This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensiti...more
I first heard about Shit My Dad Says via the @shitmydadsays Twitter account. The first time I stumbled upon it I read through every tweet available. Bascially, Justin Halpern, after his girlfriend dumped him and he had no place to live, moved back home with his parents. He began leaving the outrageous one-liners from his 70 year old cantankereous father on his AIM away messages. Someone suggested to him that he create a Twitter account and, a million followers later, he has a book offer and a pe...more
Kurt Pankau
This is a book based on a twitter feed that also spawned three-quarters of a season of prime time television. This was never anything but opportunism, and I would have been happy with a best-of-the-tweets anthology. Expectations were low; this is what I'm saying. And I still walked away disappointed.

Justin Halpern's love-sploitation of his father Sam Halpern attempts to transcend those expectations and stretch a thin premise into something with narrative and heart. I applaud his efforts, but the...more
Mar 13, 2011 Aileen rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: My siblings, people looking for a funny respite
Shelves: fun, poignant
I've read the Sh*t My Dad Says Twitter feed, and was looking to find something fun and light to read while writing my final for Legal Writing. It was exactly what I wanted: funny, crass, but also unexpectedly poignant.

For those of you who've read the Twitter, there's not a whole lot of flexibility with the 140 (Is it 140 characters? I'm getting old...) characters, and so Justin Halpern's dad is attenuated in these quick one-liners. The book gives Halpern more room to write background information...more
Part One: Where I am surprised by the emotions caused by a book titled Sh*t My Dad Says

I'll admit it: I'm a crier. I cry when something is emotionally effective. This means I have to be connected to it, the characters, the story, whatever. It can't just be some manipulative tear-jerker (I'm staring at you The Notebook).
Still, you can imagine my shock and dismay when a book called Sh*t My Dad Says got the floodgates to open. Sure, from the title one may suspect these were tears of laughter. I la...more
If you aren't familiar with @shitmydadsays, it's a collection of quotes by Justin Halpern's curmudgeonly father Sam which has 1.2 million followers and is soon to be a tv series starring William Shatner.

I'm usually skeptical when a blog gets published in a book format. Why would I want to pay for something I can read online for free? So my initial reaction to seeing Shit My Dad Says was WTF? How do you publish a book based on a hundred 140-character Tweets?

Instead of just collecting the quotable...more

I read this book curled up in blankets and warmed by a shot or two of green Nyquil. And the book was delightful, full of raucous obscenity-laced wisdom and ham-handed parental love. It is obvious that Justin Halpern loves his dad and the shit he says and it is evident from the shit that his dad says that he loves Justin. This book made me feel good about being a parent who has, on occasion, called one of their little darling DNA replicates an asshole.

Being a parent is hard shit, my friend. It...more
Ruby  Tombstone [Uncensored or Else]
I wanted this to be funnier.

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I used to follow the @Sh*tMyDadSays Twitter account and more often than not the tweets made me laugh out loud. It really is, however, a matter of context. On Twitter, there is no context. The tweets show up randomly in your stream, amid tweets about important social issues and highly inappropriate lolcats, and you're taken by surprise. Apparently, that's what made it funny.

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The book places the tweets in a context, serving as a character study...more
Fuuuuuuuuuck! I could kick myself. I have avoided this book for so long, thinking that it would be lame, like Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions, but then Audible was having a sale, and this was like $4, AND they had recently credited me $10 for being awesome... or buying audiobooks or something. So I decided to take the chance on it, and a better $4 I could not have had Audible spend on me today.

I fucking loved listening to the shit that Justin Halpern'...more
Lisa Lim
This book had me LMAO and yes, that is the title and it's a #1 NY Times Bestseller! Here are my fav quotes:
What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!... The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face.
You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
This book is ridiculously funny and had me chuckling out loud all day. I also got i...more
Hannah Jo Parker
Update: Okay, I read it and it was as funny as everyone says. Of course, I am rather fond of profanity, so I may be biased.

Earlier: My co-worker talked me into checking out this book today because he read it and liked it, but I mainly did it because I can't wait to add it to my new custom e-mail signature as the book I'm currently reading. That's how mature I am.
Dani Peloquin
When I was driving across the country this summer, I tried to find audiobooks that would make me laugh and keep me awake. I took a chance on this book because I had heard some of Halpern’s one liners and they made me giggle. After reading the back, it didn’t sound like there was much to this book but I hoped that at least it would keep a smile on my face. Fortunately, Halpern far surpassed my expectations!

As I am sure everyone knows by now, the book is based on Halpern’s tweets regarding his fat...more
Karly *The Vampire Ninja*

Please note that I have no idea how to rate this book in any scholarly way and that I am giving it a five for one reason and one reason only, which is: Justin Halpern's dad is probably the most hilariously blunt man to ever be depicted in written word. That being said this book is just a series of anecdotes and sage advice from Sam Halpern.

Justin writes in the intro "The more time I spent with my dad in those first couple of months back home, the more grateful I started to feel for the mixture...more
This was funny! And when I say "funny" I mean actually ROFL, yes I said and meant, rolling on the floor laughing. And I sure as hell don't use that term lightly! How often can that acronym be used and actually be true?

A very quick read, I actually listened to the audio in my car on my daily commute and it had a run time of about 3 hours. I wish I could listen to a book like this every day. My daily ride to work would sure be a lot happier:) I think everyone should, and I predict the elimination...more
The only thing I found funny about this book is the title. If you like 16 year old boy humor or Maxim magazine's style of humor then odds are you'll love this book. The writing style and presentation of a brief story or anecdote followed by a few quotes from the very abrasive dad are well-done but I just didn't find the content funny for the most part. The dad sounds like a horrible parent with his f- this and f- that to his kids and he comes across like a mean and miserly curmudgeon. I didn't g...more
Justin Halpern started posting sh*t his dad said on Twitter. Initially he had a small following – friends, people who knew his dad. And then one morning he woke up and hundreds, then thousands of people were following his tweets. And then he started receiving offers from agents who wanted to represent him, publishers who wanted him to write a book, television producers who wanted to turn sh*t my dad says into a television series. This is the kind of stuff every blogger hopes will happen to them...more
One of the best pieces of relationship advice ever: "You have to listen, and don't ignore what you hear."

My expectation of this book was to laugh until I cried.

In actuality, I laughed until I cried. And then I was so touched that I cried.

In this book, meet Justin Halpern, writer of the Twitter's "Shit my Dad Says," a page that records the outrageous, politically incorrect, and irreverent quotations of his elderly father.

Through a series of unfortunate events, in his late 20s, Justin is force...more
Scott Rhee
I think only those who had crazy, loudmouthed (but loving) dads could appreciate Justin Halpern's laugh-out-loud hilarious but moving memoir "Shit My Dad Says." Halpern, who is probably just a few years younger than I am, is a TV screen writer and senior writer at He grew up in an upper-middle class California suburban home with his parents and two step-brothers. His dad was a tall, imposing Jewish doctor with a penchant for potty language and not giving a shit what anybody thought of...more
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I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.
More about Justin Halpern...
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“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.” 144 likes
“Don't touch that knife. YOU never need to be holding a knife... I don't give a shit, learn how to butter stuff with a spoon” 76 likes
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