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Sh*t My Dad Says

3.96 of 5 stars 3.96 · rating details · 47,057 ratings · 4,857 reviews

After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out...more

Hardcover, 159 pages

Published May 4th 2010 by It Books

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May 27, 2010 Eric_W rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose t...more Let's see. Is there any doubt at all in anyone's mind what the following words mean: sh*t, F*ck, G*d da*n, m*therf*cker, etc. Especially people who claim to be offended by "bad" words. Are you any more likely to be injured if I typed "fuck" instead of "f*ck?" There's this really stupid notion that asterisks somehow cleanse a word. Frankly, folks, whether you are offended by something is up to you. When I type fuck I have no intent to offend, it's just a silly word, an expression. If you choose to be offended, that's your fucking problem (normally, I wouldn't say that, but Ceridwen likes it.) OK, rant over.

I preface my remarks about this book, because if you don't like those words, this book will really bug you. It's filled with them. And if you don't like it because of the words, I feel sorry for you. It's a very funny book. My wife and I listened to it (extremely well read, with just the right inflections and expression by Sean Schemmel) and laughed so hard in a couple of places, I almost drove off the road.

Justin's father was a doctor specializing in nuclear medicine; his mother was going back to law school. The story of when his father took little Justin to a lecture he was giving on thyroid cancer to a bunch of doctors is hysterical. All Justin had to do was sit quietly in his seat in the auditorium for two hours. Naturally, Justin got restless (the Snickers bar his father gave him, lasted about 12 nanoseconds). Justin decided to see if he could crawl on the floor underneath empty seats from the front to the back of the auditorium. The result was predictably not what his father had hoped for. Very funny.

I suspect all of us fathers and grandfathers would love to have been like Justin's father who could say things like, "I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

Or the scene with the complaining father at Little League, or the teacher who didn't want to teach. I could go on and on. Delightful. Get the audio.

By the way, bullshit is a great word.(less)

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Jul 06, 2010 Ellen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: autobiography-memoir, humor

On Today’s Hairstyles

“Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

On Canine Leisure Time

“The dog is not bored. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik’s Cube. He’s a goddamned dog.”

description

My father-in-law, also Jewish, looked like a less fierce version of Justin Halpern’s dad, and although he didn’t use the word “fuck” nonstop he also dispensed some acerbic wisdom here and there.

Sh*t My Dad Says ha...more

51 likes · like · see review

Nov 23, 2012 Laura the Highland Hussy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Review posted on Got Fiction?

I bought this for my husband and I later found it in the bathroom (choice male reading space). So my husband endorses the hilarity of this book too ;)

Holy crap is this book hysterical! His dad comes off as some redneck jerk of a dad, but actually used to be in nuclear medicine! And the sayings, I mean, silly stuff from vacations, like we've all had to share a bed with a cousin, or a relative at a family reunion, but when little Justin Halpern complains about sharing...more

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Jan 10, 2011 Valerie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: male-protagonist

Alright, alright I should've known better than to read a book with a title like that. Me being me, I don't particularly like excessive swearing. I can take some but seriously, this dad puts high-school students and frat boys to shame. And just a little tidbit f*** is not a noun or adjective, it's a verb. Words can’t do it and neither can non-living objects. Though I should mention that the man is intelligent—he is a science guy, professor I believe. But I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say...more

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Jun 08, 2010 John and Kris rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shit My Dad Says is a fast, enjoyable read that had me laughing at times. Shit My Dad Says is wonderful because it doesn’t attempt to do too much by artificially making it more than what it really is: a witty book about a father and his sons. If you like some of the following quotes it might make for a nice Father’s Day present.

Justin Halpern, a writer for Maxim magazine, was forced to move back into his childhood home after being dumped by his girlfriend. He lived with his retired from nuclear...more

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Jun 16, 2010 Meghan rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, aa11reqrec, favorites

Wondering who's going to take over for David Sedaris now that he's moved to France and used up all his family anecdotes? Justin Halpern is here to save us. Shit My Dad Saysis basically, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. He truly demonstrates how a skilled writer can take his Twitter feed and turn it into a legitimately hilarious, well written, and poignant read.

16 likes · like · see review

May 13, 2010 Cynthia rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-read-in-2010

To echo what others have said this book is hilarious. It’s also sweet and touching. Justin’s dad is a gruff Vietnam vet, retired research doctor who is honest to a fault. He’s someone who knows himself and has the courage and a burning need to speak his mind. He also loves his family to distraction. Justin’s dad is Jewish and his mom a quiet, loving Catholic and though their child rearing approaches seem as different as their religions they make a good parenting team.

Here are a few quotes which...more

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Oct 13, 2012 Inge *Studying for Exams* rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: actually-happened, all-time-favourites, laugh-out-loud-funny, main-character-is-cool, smiles-a-plenty, want-to-marry-this-book, whole-new-level-of-awesome

On Deciding to Use His Senior Discount for the First Time
“Fuck it, I’m old. Gimme free stuff.”

When 28-year-old Justin Halpern’s girlfriend breaks up with him and he loses his apartment too, he finds himself moving back in with his parents. His 73-year-old dad Sam is retired and spends his days at home, so the guys spend a lot of time together. Halpern Senior has an opinion about everything and doesn't sweet-talk his way around it, he says exactly what he's thinking and doesn't give a shit about what other people think of him. When Justin makes a Twitter account to share his dad’s quotes with the rest of the world, it becomes an instant sensation. Hence the idea to make a book - it consists of anecdotes from Justin's childhood all the way to the present, and after each story are a couple random quotes.

On Shopping for Presents for His Birthday
“If it’s not bourbon or sweatpants, it’s going in the garbage … No, don’t get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.”

Sam Halpern is not a man afraid to speak his mind. He uses words freely and creatively and he curses like a madman. He often yells at his kids and raises them with tough love. However, underneath that tough barrier is a kind, old man who loves his family more than anything. Despite all the 'fuck's he throws around, he really does give a shit. Granted, his parenting methods are a little unorthodox and there are a couple shocking scenes, but who really knows the right way to raise a child? The kids are happy and successful and they love their old man. That's the most important thing, right?

On Understanding One’s Place in the Food Chain
“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”

On Telemarketer Phone Calls
“Hello? … Fuck you.”

I read this book in one sitting and in two hours – it was so addictive! I found myself laughing out loud on many occasions and smiling through the rest of the stories. I’ve wanted to read this one for a very long time, and I can gladly say it didn’t let me down. It gave for a couple good laughs and that's exactly what I needed. Sam Halpern is a genius and Justin did a great job by dotting everything down, letting everyone enjoy his father's words of wisdom. It makes for a beautiful memoir. It'd make me proud.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’ve got a big fucking mouth, and you ain’t the prettiest to look at, but I love you, and I want people to know that when it comes down to it, I would do things for my family that I wouldn’t do for nobody else.”

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Aug 23, 2011 Mollie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010, library, non-fiction, september

I first heard about Shit My Dad Says via the @shitmydadsays Twitter account. The first time I stumbled upon it I read through every tweet available. Bascially, Justin Halpern, after his girlfriend dumped him and he had no place to live, moved back home with his parents. He began leaving the outrageous one-liners from his 70 year old cantankereous father on his AIM away messages. Someone suggested to him that he create a Twitter account and, a million followers later, he has a book offer and a pe...more

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Nov 10, 2011 willaful rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction-memoir, made-me-laugh, buddy-read-or-challenge

I had no idea when beginning this book what nuclear medicine is, but was fascinated to discover that it was “my Dad’s” profession. I subscribed to “Shit My Dad Says” on Facebook and always found it hilarious, but it gives a somewhat one-side impression of a cantankerous, foul-mouthed old man. Here we get to see that he is also a highly intelligent person and a loving father, in his own off-color way. It’s a very funny, lightweight read, but there’s warmth to it too.

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Mar 03, 2013 Kurt Pankau rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is a book based on a twitter feed that also spawned three-quarters of a season of prime time television. This was never anything but opportunism, and I would have been happy with a best-of-the-tweets anthology. Expectations were low; this is what I'm saying. And I still walked away disappointed.

Justin Halpern's love-sploitation of his father Sam Halpern attempts to transcend those expectations and stretch a thin premise into something with narrative and heart. I applaud his efforts, but the...more This is a book based on a twitter feed that also spawned three-quarters of a season of prime time television. This was never anything but opportunism, and I would have been happy with a best-of-the-tweets anthology. Expectations were low; this is what I'm saying. And I still walked away disappointed.

Justin Halpern's love-sploitation of his father Sam Halpern attempts to transcend those expectations and stretch a thin premise into something with narrative and heart. I applaud his efforts, but the execution falters. The book takes the form of mini-chapters that relate some anecdote from Justin's youth each followed by a smattering ten-to-twenty standalone rants that have very little to do with the enclosing chapter--a worst-of-both-worlds compromise between a book and a twit-stream. Halpern (the younger) tries to use this flawed form to paint a portrait of his father's pith-and-vinegar as seen through the eyes of a growing young man.

Altogether, this was a horrible mistake. Sam's vulgar rants are endearing when they're directed at a twenty-nine-year-old son who has moved back home. They're downright terrifying when you realize that they're being directed at a ten-year-old child. What sort of man routinely tells his ten-year-old "Fuck you" or "You're full of shit"? We get the impression that Sam was a loving, caring father, or at least that Justin regards him as such, but it's two-thirds of the way through the book before we actually SEE Same do something heroic/loving/decent--and even then, that story involved directing his venom towards a bullying father of a Little-League player. We don't get any insight into his motivations or his personal demons until the LAST CHAPTER, at which point we don't care. We get snippets of his life history, but never enough to feel like we're meeting a real human being that we might want to care about.

There are some stylistic issues, too. Sam tends to bury his wit under too many layers of obscenity. Don't get me wrong--I love a well placed "Fuck"--but almost every single aphorism contains some variation on an F-bomb. It's wearying. Justin's prose, too, is a bit overwrought and clunky. Overwriting in a book this slight (less than two-hundred pages of broken up narrative--I finished it in a couple hours), over-writing just reminds the reader that this isn't a real book. This is a cash-grab.(less)

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May 11, 2012 Dani Peloquin rated it 3 of 5 stars

When I was driving across the country this summer, I tried to find audiobooks that would make me laugh and keep me awake. I took a chance on this book because I had heard some of Halpern’s one liners and they made me giggle. After reading the back, it didn’t sound like there was much to this book but I hoped that at least it would keep a smile on my face. Fortunately, Halpern far surpassed my expectations!

As I am sure everyone knows by now, the book is based on Halpern’s tweets regarding his fat...more

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Aug 07, 2010 K.D. Oliveros rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Those you want to laugh or smile

Recommended to K.D. by: New York Times Bestsellers List

Shelves: humour

After a series of serious books, I thought I needed to have a breather and what genre should it be but comedy.

Sh*t My Dad Says delivers the funniest lines that I've read this year. Don't get me all wrong though. I read only very few books of this genre. Not that I am a boring person to be with. Mind you, my wife fell in love with me because of my jokes or to be specific, according to her, my "dry" sense of humor. I didn't know that dry humor meant until Simon Cowell described a song as "wet". Fo...more After a series of serious books, I thought I needed to have a breather and what genre should it be but comedy.

Sh*t My Dad Says delivers the funniest lines that I've read this year. Don't get me all wrong though. I read only very few books of this genre. Not that I am a boring person to be with. Mind you, my wife fell in love with me because of my jokes or to be specific, according to her, my "dry" sense of humor. I didn't know that dry humor meant until Simon Cowell described a song as "wet". For some people, singing is a kind of joke. You should hear my version of Matchbox 20's "Unwell".

Back to the book.

Halpern says in the book's intro that this all started as a Twitter feed. At the start, he was a semi-employed comedy writer and just broken up with a his girlfriend. Out of necessity, he went back to San Diego to lived with his parents. His father, a retired nuclear medicine scientist, despite having acerbic always cursing mouth, is a loving and practical person. In every conversation they have, the father gives a witty or funny one liner. Halpern collected these, put them in his Twitter account. His followers grew and grew. As of 1 August 2010, the feed has nearly 1,600,000 followers, so he now published all this in this book. Now this book has landed #1 in New York Times Bestsellers list so, the semi-employed-living-back-with-the-parents Halpern is laughing all the way to his bank.

Great.

I am not rating this with a 4-star or a 5-star though. Some of the lines are too "American" for me. I have been to the US many times and I normally take that L.A.-San Diego route to visit my mother, my brother and his family. So, I had an easy time relating to the story's locales, i.e., those 2 cities. But, in general, the humor, maybe it is not "dry" like mine, I found wanting or lacking. The things they do, the mother studies law, the father is a nuclear scientist, his elder brother is pursuing his interest in scuba diving, etc. are just not my line of interests. Is there anybody out there who is in the I.T.?

My favorite chapter is the last one: You Have to Listen, and Don't Ignore What You Hear with its subtitle: "Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later it's because it fucked you." . I don't know what that subtitle means really but I guess it is good because of the $100 bill that if you translate to pesos is P4,500 and it is good enough for a one-day stay in a decent hotel. There goes my "dry" humor.

Bow.

I'm off to go back to my "serious" books....

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Apr 07, 2011 Lee Selwood rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I followed Justin on Twitter and then found myslelf amazed that they had managed to make a sitcom out of it, I just couldn't understand how a twitter feed could be turned into a full scale script. As I read this (short) book today I realised that the sitcom is probably worth checking out too.
Basically a collection of short tales of Justin's interactions with his Father at various stages of his life followeed by tweet style quotes, this ends up being a very enjoyable read. I started it by acciden...more

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Jan 14, 2011 Kelly Maybedog Hawkins rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: what-humor, what-non-fiction

This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensiti...more This has got to be the funniest book I have ever read. I read it in one sitting (not hard because it's fairly short) even though I was just glancing at it before getting to my mystery thriller (a lot harder since the latter was fairly enthralling). I was laughing out loud through much of it even though I was alone, and at time I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. Although at a couple of points I thought, "Wow, this was probably kind of almost abusive parenting" I am excessively sensitive to that issue and most people probably wouldn't even notice. It's very obvious that he loves the boy very much.

I do not have gutter humor but both I and my 17 year old daughter who does thought it was hilarious. Warning, this is not rated G and not always completely PC (although most times it actually is, as the father says it's okay to be gay and to cry). The especially hilarious part is that this guy does something in "nuclear medicine" and lectures to oncologists so he's very well educated and smart. Here are some of my favorite lines out of the book:

"On getting Rescued by a Lifeguard at the Beach
'What were you doing that far out? You can't swim...Son, you're a good athlete, but I've seen what you call swimming. It looks like a slow kid on his knees trying to smash ants.'

"On Being Teased
'So he called you a homo. Big deal. There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual....No, I'm not saying you're a homosexual. Jesus Christ. Now I'm starting to see why this kid was giving you shit.'

"On Finding Out I Tried Marijuana
'Pretty great, right?...Really? Well, we differ in opinion, then. Don't tell your mom I said that, though. Tell her I yelled at you and called you a moron. Actually, don't tell her anything. See, now I'm paranoid and I didn't even smoke any.'

"On My First School Dance
'Are you wearing perfume?...Son, there ain't any cologne in this house, only your mother's perfume. I know that scent, and let me tell you, it's disturbing to smell your wife on your thirteen-year-old son.'"

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Jul 05, 2011 Lisa Lim rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book had me LMAO and yes, that is the title and it's a #1 NY Times Bestseller! Here are my fav quotes:
ON MY BLOODY NOSE
What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!... The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face.
ON THE MEDICINAL EFFECT OF BACON
You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
This book is ridiculously funny and had me chuckling out loud all day. I also got i...more

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Sep 02, 2010 Schmacko rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I was in the mood for light comedy, and Justin Halpern delivered. I’m not saying this is the great American novel (and it is extremely American, in that boisterous and light way), but it gave me quite a few strong chuckles – enough to earn me a few sideways glances at the gym.

Halpern found himself at 28 moving to live with his girlfriend in San Diego, only to be dumped by her the moment he showed up on the doorstep. His only option was to move in with his parents. His mom is sweet; his 74-year-o...more

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Mar 17, 2011 Hannah Jo Parker rated it 4 of 5 stars

Update: Okay, I read it and it was as funny as everyone says. Of course, I am rather fond of profanity, so I may be biased.

Earlier: My co-worker talked me into checking out this book today because he read it and liked it, but I mainly did it because I can't wait to add it to my new custom e-mail signature as the book I'm currently reading. That's how mature I am.

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Jan 30, 2011 Ashley rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-humor

Behind the profanity lurks a really sweet memoir of a son growing up and the father that really loves him. Wildly profane at times, hilarious throughout, I was challenged not to smirk continuously. Don't be fooled into thinking this Dad is an buffoon or caricature, he is neither. He's a highly intelligent physician of nuclear medicine. Who is perhaps "the least passive-aggressive human being on the planet" according to his son, our author. He is 100% blunt, all the time, and virtually always jus...more

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Jul 13, 2010 Meredith rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: biography-memoir, nonfiction

Having grown up with a curt sarcastic father, I thought I'd enjoy reading the snide comments of and family stories about someone else's terse sardonic dad. Although I laughed out loud several times as I read this, there was such an undercurrent of mean-spiritedness that I found it unsettling, and the book ultimately undoes its own humor.

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May 29, 2010 Ogun rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is some of the funniest material I have read in a long long time. I've been a twitter follower so the gems delivered by Dad were not a novelty, but to read the stories behind them only add to the experience. There's actually some profound wisdom there even if he's not winning any parent-of-the-year awards.

I also just found out there's going to be a TV series starring William Shatner. I don't know if it'll work with out the profanity, but if anyone can pull it off it's the Shat. Can't wait.

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Apr 23, 2013 Nancy Rossman rated it 3 of 5 stars

The only reason this became a book was the thousands of followers to Justin's tweets. They were funny, god knows SAM is an edgy if not rough-n-tumble parent. I am sure that for the 250,000 followers or however many it was, these daily laugh-your-ass-off scenarios were refreshing and fun. However, making all of that into a book where there is no thread to connect them just didn't work for me. I don't mean that I didn't laugh because I did. And I nodded in agreement with the often crude takes on l...more

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Mar 14, 2013 Katherine Guerrero added it

Shit My Dad Says Book Review

ON MY BLOODY NOSE

What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!... The what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the face.

This is the first book I have read that has made me consistently laugh (even in public to my slight embarrassment). Funny anecdote after funny anecdote, Shit my Dad Says by Justin Halpern, spot on delivers and entertains. Shit my Dad Says got its start after Justin Halpern realized that his father was hilarious and...more

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Feb 22, 2013 Cathie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Last night I was looking around for something to read and was searching the library's digital collection when I came across a book entitled, Sh*t My Dad Says. The title alone was intriguing and - knowing very little about the book - I downloaded it and began reading. To say that it's exactly what I needed right now is putting it mildly. With the winter weather droning on and on, I was in need of something light and humorous to lift my spirits. This was definitely the book for that!!

Sh*t My Dad S...more

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Jan 21, 2013 Joshua Henry rated it 5 of 5 stars

Justin Halpern’s purpose for writing $#*! My Dad Says was to explain his childhood. It says in the book on page XI in the introduction that “Literally agents were calling, wanting to represent me; TV producers were inviting me onto their shows; and reporters were asking for interviews” and he then went on to ask his father “So you’re … cool with this? You’re cool with me writing a book, the quotes, everything?” to which Justin’s father responded “What do I give a f***? I don’t care what people t...more Justin Halpern’s purpose for writing $#*! My Dad Says was to explain his childhood. It says in the book on page XI in the introduction that “Literally agents were calling, wanting to represent me; TV producers were inviting me onto their shows; and reporters were asking for interviews” and he then went on to ask his father “So you’re … cool with this? You’re cool with me writing a book, the quotes, everything?” to which Justin’s father responded “What do I give a f***? I don’t care what people think of me. Publish what you want. I just [have] got two rules: I’m not talking to anyone, and whatever money you get, keep. I [have] got my own f***ing money. I don’t need yours, …” As well as to talk about his father and how funny some of the thing he says is. In addition to that, he also explains some of the funny parts about his life that has caused his dad great animosity and gall. This quote is a just a small taste of the books hilarity “Well, what the f*** makes you think Grandpa wants to sleep in the same room as you?” (Pg. 1, Halpern) In advance this must be mentioned the book $#*! My Dad Says contains a very extensive use of vile language. Despite that fact this book is highly hilarious and will make you laugh and hold your attention for as long as it takes you to read the book.

$#*! My Dad Says will not have a very large effect on the audience. The one main effect that it will have on the audience is making them laugh. This book came about from quotes that Mr. Halpern would put on twitter because he thought they were funny “… I started “Shit My Dad Says.” For about a week, I had only a handful of followers-a couple friends who knew my dad and thought he was a character. Then one day I woke up to find that a thousand people were following me. The next day, ten thousand. Then fifty thousand. Then one hundred, two hundred, three hundred thousand, and suddenly a picture of my dad’s face and his quotes were popping up everywhere.” (Pg. XI, Halpern) This helped those who needed to laugh, laugh. Not because of their vileness but because they truly are hilarious. This shows through the following quote “Watching TV all day is not an option. If this were Let’s Make a Deal, that would not be behind one of the doors to choose from.” (Pg. 12, Halpern)

The book was indeed well written. It may have contained a tad too much explicit language. That does not really detract from the quality of the writing. It uses extensive language and also uses proper language like commas in the correct place, semi-colons, colons, and very few if any fragments. This book was written so well that it would not allow putting it (the book) down. It took about a day to read for me at least for me because it was so good. This book was very captivating, no longer than I had bought the book then I had it finished and on my book shelf. I really do not relate to any of the characters besides Justin in the way that we both play baseball and pitch. I in no way found it born in any shape or form; it was too good to be boring. This book was funny but also serious during some parts but it would then become quite hilarious because it would go from serious to hilarious unbelievably fast.

The greatest strength of the book was the prominence of hilarity in the book. As evidence in previous paragraphs the book consists of a large amount of humor. As evident in the following quote “Cheating’s not easy. You probably think it is, but it ain’t. I bet you’ suck more at cheating than whatever it was you were trying to do legitimately.” (pg. 32, Halpern) The greatest weakness was the excessive use of explicit language. For some readers or possible purchasers of the book it may be a huge draw back it really is not that much of a deal breaker for me because I grew up with sailor mouths on my mothers’ side of the family. For example of the great weakness read this quote: “F***ing h***! All I asked, godd*** it, was that you sit still for a couple hours while I lectured on thyroid cancer!” Despite the weakness I have just mentioned I would highly recommend this book to a friend. Because, this book is very good due to it being well written, besides the foul language uses extensive language, and is being funny as any other funny book if not funnier.

$#*! My Dad Says is a book that is funny, entertaining, and great. It was a book that made me laugh till I cried. A book that never ceased to be funny and will make anyone with even a sibilance of a sense of humor laugh their heads off. This book is very highly recommended by all that I know who have read this. It would very seriously surprise me if someone did not like this book, unless said person had problems with explicit language then I could understand their point of view. All in all a great book it would be highly recommended from me and I hope this book is able to help others who read this book laugh.
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Dec 30, 2012 Jen rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: humor, toolbox

I read this book curled up in blankets and warmed by a shot or two of green Nyquil. And the book was delightful, full of raucous obscenity-laced wisdom and ham-handed parental love. It is obvious that Justin Halpern loves his dad and the shit he says and it is evident from the shit that his dad says that he loves Justin. This book made me feel good about being a parent who has, on occasion, called one of their little darling DNA replicates an asshole.

Being a parent is hard shit, my friend. It...more

7 likes · like · see review

Oct 22, 2012 Eva rated it 3 of 5 stars

Fun light reading, though not as awesome as the twitter account :)

Kindle highlights:

On Getting in Trouble at School
“Why would you throw a ball in someone’s face?…Huh. That’s a pretty good reason. Well, I can’t do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”

On My First School Dance
“Are you wearing perfume?…Son, there ain’t any cologne in this house, only your mother’s perfume. I know that scent, and let me tell you, it’s disturbing to smell your wife on your thirteen-year-ol...more

1 like · like · see review

Oct 16, 2012 CC rated it 4 of 5 stars

If you come from a blue-collar home or neighborhood, you'll recognize a lot of this "insight" as being true to your world. Nothing is sugar-coated, and there's no coddling allowed.

Justin Halpern is an average 28 year-old. He loves baseball. He's trying to find his way in the world. He jumps at the chance to move back to his San Diego hometown to start a new job -- he can live with his longtime girlfriend there. But when she unexpectedly breaks up with him, he finds himself back at his parents' h...more

1 like · like · see review

Aug 04, 2012 Melinda rated it 5 of 5 stars

As the title indicates, this book contains profanity. A liberal sprinkling would be a vast understatement. It's more like when Robin Williams talks about hetero men spreading condiments in The Birdcage- SHMEARRRRR! I had every intention of sharing it with my own father, but eventually it became just too much. My father tried to instill feminine virtues in all eight of his daughters, and he still fortunately has hair. As the youngest of my sisters, I'm not sure if it was my character or his, but...more

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Jul 28, 2012 Jess rated it 4 of 5 stars

At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me.

Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow his philosophical musings every day on Twitter, an...more

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About Justin Halpern

I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.

In the pic, I am on the far right and dad is one the far left. That's a friend between us.

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Quotes from Sh*t My Dad Says

“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.” — 116 people liked it

“Sometimes life leaves a hundred-dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later it's because it fucked you.” — 58 people liked it

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