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Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

3.81  ·  Rating Details ·  56,712 Ratings  ·  2,896 Reviews
The hilarious new book from the star of Chelsea Lately and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.

Get ready for big laughs as Chelsea Handler lets loose with more comic personal essays. In this new, no-holds-barred account of life on the ridiculous side, Chelsea mines the wealth of material that is her family, her sex life, her c

ebook, 256 pages
Published April 1st 2010 by Grand Central Publishing (first published March 1st 2010)
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Community Reviews

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Brandi Leigh
Feb 07, 2011 Brandi Leigh rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Only got half way through before I quit because felt like I was at a high school reunion with Chelsea and she couldn't shut up about her twenty years her senior boyfriend, who by the way OWNS the company that produces her show -it's on E! every night at 9pm/11pm/1am- therefore is her boss but she tells him to [enter graphic detail while i look awkwardly at man who is Clooney's age without his appeal] in bed, then retelling highly unlikely stories of her masturbatory girl scout years (hello! we w ...more
Mar 12, 2012 Annalynn rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
How much did I hate this book? Let me count the ways...

1. The masturbation chapter that opens the book. An ENTIRE chapter, about EIGHT year old Chelsea and friends masturbating at slumber parties. Really?? I have an eight year old. And I was an eight year old once. Maybe in junior high, but SECOND GRADERS?? I don't think so. And it just went on and on and on. I kept reading, though, because I thought to myself, can it really be this bad? Surely this is all a joke? And yet, the rest of the book
Jul 31, 2011 Chantay rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
CC memo from Ms. Handlers desk: "Hey everyone I'm famous." "I'm so famous I don't even have to apply myself to actually admit my stories make my already outlandish diatribes sound believable or even funny." Thank you, for constantly reminding us how obviously much more "down-to-earth" you try to pretend to be (At the time you had)with that fancy-new-state-the-of-art-CEO-Boyfriend with accessories. Someone needs to stop drinking the bright pink kool-aid of delusion. For nondenominational sake you ...more
Jan 16, 2013 Stephen rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This is one of those books that you read and you say to yourself, "Holy shit, I REALLY could write a book better than this shitty thing!" So thank you, Chelsea Lately, for motivating all writing enthusiasts out there, whether intentional or not.

This was quite a drop in quality after Are You There, Vodka? Chelsea Lately's new book starts out, well, weird, with a 30-page discussion of an eight-year-old Chelsea Lately's first year of masturbatory discovery. Yeah, there is an ick-factor. If you want
-k The Lady Critic
Jun 04, 2010 -k The Lady Critic rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: books-i-own
I don’t think that I’ve laughed so much during a book than I did with this one. Seriously, I thought that I would wake up the neighbourhood at three in the morning while I was still reading this book last night because I could not put it down.

It’s a series of essays/stories that, to be honest, I have no idea if they’re complete lies, slightly untold truths, or blatant elaborations but I also don’t care. This book was hilarious, witty, and downright fun. Sure, I could have easily stopped at the e
Jun 27, 2010 Debs rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This book was terrible. I love love love Chelsea Handler - I think her dry, quick wit is unmatched. I also enjoy watching her attack her panel of comedians, and the way she engages people she's never met and shoots the shit with guests that she obviously knows and adores.

That being said: this book has none of the wit or charm that makes me tune into her show This is a slapped together piece of shit where she simply tells stories about her vacations and her family without grace or humor. It lack
Jul 01, 2011 Sarah rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is the third memoir by the ever-entertaining comedian Chelsea Handler. If you can't handle nasty or raunchy, then this book isn't for you -- but if you loved Sarah Silverman's The Bedwetter and all of Jenny McCarthy's memoirs, then make sure to pick this one up.

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is comprised of stories about random, crazy adventures and incidents from Handler's past. This specific memoir also includes pictures to go along with the stories, which is an excellent
Jan 19, 2012 Emily rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I write this review having enjoyed her other books, that were, you know, funny and outrageous stories, so my issue isn't really her subject matter. That said: this is a rambling bunch of foul-mouthed musings, none of which add up to single comprehensible story or even funny anecdote with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Each chapter is basically:

1) Intro the story with a horrifying metaphor, set up what could has potential for a funny story
2) Jam in a sidebar of something totally unrelated th
Miss Kim
Read the first few pages...

The second page is her at 8 years old learning to masturbate at a slumber party...alrighty then!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2 weeks, and a few pages later:

The more I read, the more I realize I don't like her. Small doses are better. Offically demoted to bathroom reading...
3.5 stars
This collection of essays was a quick read for me. Some had me laughing hysterically, and others were more "The joke? Dungeddit..." types, but overall, a pretty enjoyable read.

I mean, the book starts off with Chelsea's recollection of learning how to masturbate at 8 and quickly becoming addicted to it and then called out at Thanksgiving dinner for getting her fix with a serving spoon, and then ends on a high note of corrupting her sense of humor-lacking boyfriend into playing along wit
Apr 14, 2010 Kate rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
My sister left me a copy of Chelsea Handler's new novel Chelsea, Chelsea Bang Bang. If I find myself having insomnia and up late, I tune in to her late night talk show on E! She is raunchy and snarky. I first started watching her on the web series, "In The Motherhood". She was so funny in the role as a mother. Her character was a a hapless mother who would rather be having a cocktail than making sure her kids were doing homework. She was also on Girls Behaving Badly for a while, but I only saw a ...more
Amanda Patterson
Jan 07, 2012 Amanda Patterson rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I read "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea" and enjoyed it. However, “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” made me cringe. When you resort to stupid situations for laughs you need a new gig.
The first chapter about an 8-year-old Chelsea obsessively masturbating was pathetic. The emails between the writer and her siblings weren't entertaining, just plain boring. Her practical jokes as she grow up wear thin very quickly and I found myself wondering why I was reading this drivel. Then I realised it doesn'
Mar 20, 2010 Kyla rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I actually really enjoyed the 3rd book, maybe even more than the other 2. I liked that a lot of the stories involved Ted and the practical jokes he has to live through. I also LOVED that there were pictures involved throughout the made the story lines much more believable and gave a great visual to go with her short stories. Because I watch her show nightly, I can see the stories play out much more clearly than I would be able to if I was just a reader w/ no knowledge of her sense of h ...more
Julianne Stueben
Jan 10, 2015 Julianne Stueben rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Pretty good fluff book, I needed something to make me laugh :)
Abbey Garnett
Oct 08, 2012 Abbey Garnett rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
1. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang is a collection of short essays that Chelsea has written about her childhood to her adulthood. Readers learn all about Handler, from her strange family to her mistakes with men. These life stories are so funny to read coming from the comedian Chelsea Handler.

2. I gave this book four stars. I thought most of the stories were hilarious, but I did enjoy Are You There Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea more than this book. I thought it was a great read to come home to after a stres
I am a fan of Chelsea Handler's late night talks how on E! and an avid recommender of her two previous books about the craziness that is her life. However, Handler's third effort, "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" falls short, especially in compared to the laugh out loud until you cried stories of her previous two books.

I don't know if the lack of hilarity is due to a rush on the author's part to get the book to print or if she is slacking because she knows she has a solid fan base. I certainly hope
Nov 28, 2009 R. marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
More foulmouthed hijinks by America's favorite White Trash Jewish American Princess!

Though, a fault thus far noticed: Chelsea's essay on her campaign for getting the Cabbage Patch Kid which will set her apart on the playground ends with a photograph of Young Miss Handler holding aforementioned Cabbage Patch Doll -a sort of trophy shot.

But, throughout the essay, she describes the Doll of her Dreams as being brunette. The one in the photograph is blonde. Which is it, Chelsea? Which. Is. It?

Jun 22, 2015 Violet rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: audio-books, humor
Chelsea is my sister from another dimension and we would totally bawl our eyes out for sufferings of Sarah Jessica Parker caused by evil Mr. Big. We would pour Sarah Jessica Parker copious amounts of vodka and eat churros. So there. Also, somebody really made two movies about traveling pants - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - and this questions gnaws on our nerves like a thing that gnaws, because – how much of crack cocaine would be needed to concoct a thing of such stupidity? TWO PARTS?? ...more
Edit: I don't think I can finish this. It's really boring and not funny. I heard Chelsea mention once on her show that she doesn't use ghost writers. Maybe she should start. They might suck less than her. (In her defense the other book that I read by her was funny... but this one, not so much). Also I took this off "lulz" shelfing as it provided no lulz.

So far so lame. BORED. There was some kind of story about a dog dying.. or not dying.. but people were pretending it died.. I don't know, I cou
Feb 13, 2010 Mark rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I am a Chelsea Handler fan and I became a fan because of her first book, My Horizontal Life, so I expect her books to be funny. This one, however, is not. It's a mess. Most of the entries are more mean-spirited than funny and the stories are very sloppily written. I think the book is a failed imitation of David Sedaris. It's as if her literary agent handed Chelsea a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day and said, "You have wacky friends and family. Write (or have your ghost writer write) something like ...more
I always enjoy reading Chelsea's books. She's straightforward and a bitch, two qualities I love. If you have a pint of vodka preferably belvedere, and an afternoon off indulge in some laughter.
Laura the Highland Hussy
Dec 26, 2014 Laura the Highland Hussy rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: d-n-f
I've wanted to read this for a long time, and when I finally got around to it, I didn't find it funny at all :(
I guess I'm over her.
Guts Reads
Jan 11, 2016 Guts Reads rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
DNF. Too many slurs.
Mar 25, 2010 Kasia rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
For those who watch Chelsea's show some of these stories won't be new because she shares her life with the audience a tiny bit, they are still however funny, especially when narrated by Chelsea's semi sarcastic way of expressing herself which I find refreshing because I don't need to see another phony chick on TV and she's the opposite of that.

Chelsea is such a funny girl, I never knew what was going to happen in each chapter, and in this book her life is displayed through random chapters but fo
Aug 14, 2014 Natalye rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
My first encounter with Chelsea Handler was when her first book, "My Horizontal Life," came out. I thought it was hilarious. I hadn't read anything else of hers yet though, so I made it a goal to change that, and decided to check out "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang." Unfortunately, it fell flat. I get the Handler is a comedian, which means making fun of taboo subjects, but every single colored person in her book was like some kind of caricature, and she uses the word "retarded" all the time, which ma ...more
Michelle Williams
CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is a book that was loaned to me by a coworker. Having just finished my last book, I had yet to pick up a new one. So I started reading. It is not a book I would typically pick out for myself but it was really entertaining!

From the get go, I felt incredibly wrong for reading it. So much so that after reading the first three pages and feeling like a pedofile for continuing to read, I almost returned it. I then wondered about the direction the book could possibly take and
Regardless of her shameless approach to, well, everything, I really do like Chelsea Handler. Not only is she absolutely hilarious in all of her books and on her cable show Chelsea Lately, but she is completely comfortable being who she is, loud and proud. I picked up her first book, My Horizontal Life (which still remains my favourite) four years ago without knowing anything about her. Three books later, I could probably give you her biography off the top of my head!

Like her other collections, C
Apr 13, 2011 Kelsey rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: humor
Supposedly this is a memoir of Chelsea's hilarious life adventures, but I had the impression that the stories are so grossly exaggerated that she would have done better to write fiction. A self-avowed compulsive liar doesn't have the same effect on me that a more believable comic might. There is no point to the caricatures or the overstatements, no theme, no real motive for a book at all. I'm well aware that comics make up/embellish stories to lead up to their jokes, but usually there is some ov ...more
Apr 02, 2010 Meagan rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I am a huge Chelsea Handler fan. I've read her other two books and this is definitely not her best. Her other two books seemed filled with hilarious stories that made me not want to put the book down, whereas this book had some moments/chapters where I just wanted to keep reading to get through that boring section of the book.

Don't get me wrong I for sure had many laugh out loud moments, and was entertained by her shenanigans and stories but it seems very thrown together as a book in general. T
Chelsea is great, but this book is "a hot mess".

The first two or three chapters are fun, but then Chelsea runs out of steam or something and just falls on her face.

The book dies for me in the middle somewhere, when Chelsea tells a rather sleazy story about trying to get her chauffeur some action on vacation, and it turns into a drunken spectacle with some insane woman calling Chelsea a bitch and pushing her around a little.

That chapter is clearly missing details, either because they're too st
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, Chelsea Lately (airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m.). Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, Chelsea Lately offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths, and rumors that ...more
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“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.” 102 likes
“Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.” 55 likes
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