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The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships

4.12  ·  Rating Details  ·  1,322 Ratings  ·  103 Reviews
How many ways are there to say -I-m sorry?- Well, it
depends on your language of apology.
Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and
express the words and gestures of apology in a different language.
Best-selling author Gary Chapman has teamed with counselor
Jennifer Thomas to explore the different languages of apology and
reach a whole new audience with
ebook, 288 pages
Published January 1st 2008 by Northfield Press (first published February 1st 2006)
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At first I thought this book was going to be tedious. I mean, really, how many books is Gary Chapman going to write with "5 Languages" in the title? So, I didn't expect this book to tell me much. As I read it, though, I realized it was rather an important read. Effective apologies aren't something overly well taught or conveyed. I didn't find the different languages of apology to be all that earth-shattering as they seemed a bit straight forward to me. However, since the language needed depends ...more
Maggie Boyd
Jun 28, 2016 Maggie Boyd rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I was raised a Christian and professed my own choice of the Christian faith at 13 but after reading a slew of Christian help books I can easily understand why people are fleeing the Christian faith in droves. This book made me question my own faith after decades (decades!!) of dedication.

The Worst:

The absolute two lowest points in the book were the scene where the author speaks of a woman having her jaw broken by her husband and then forgiving him and the scene of the sexually abused daughter.

Ashley Thompson
I've read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate and The Five Love Languages for Singles and appreciate knowing the love languages and knowing what mine are, what my spouse's are, and those of family and close friends. My husband and I were discussing the love languages again the other day and went to Chapman's website, where we noticed a quiz for "apology languages". So we both took it and then I read this book.

Knowing how we are when we apologize or the type
Mandy J. Hoffman
I really enjoyed the first chapter of this book and agree with the authors that there are various languages of apology. I have noticed in my own marriage that at times my husband and I struggle with communicating our apology to one another. But within the next few chapters I soon disagreed with the author about the issue of when to forgive. I believe that we need to be cultivating a heart of forgiveness and taking our hurt to God so that when someone does apologies we are ready to extend our for ...more
Matt Anderson
Much like his “Five Love Languages,” Gary Chapman has helped to develop “The Five Languages of Apology.” Alongside fellow researcher Jennifer Thomas, Chapman explains that people apologize in different ways, and the best way to make your apology meaningful is to apologize in the “language” of the person you offended. Likewise, it is important to recognize your own “Apology Language,” so that the people in your life will know how best to apologize to you.

The Five Languages of Apology are:

1.) Exp
If you have difficulty resolving conflicts with individuals you care about, this book provides the tools to get you started down the path. Written in the same style/tone as the Five Love Languages by Chapman, this book takes the time to outline, explain, discuss, and give examples of different ways people apologize.

While it can be very easy to flip through the five different apology styles and think, "Yeah, I get it; I can understand all of these and don't have to finish reading this whole book
Jan 04, 2012 Gina rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The concept in this book is excellent - basically that there are 5 elements to apologies and we all desire a different combination of some or all of them to feel as though the wrong-doer has actually apologized. It really made me think back to arguments that I've had that involve some sort of meta-argument about whether or not an apology has occurred. After reading this book, I can confidently say that I believe that the person RECEIVING the apology is the one to decide whether the giver has apo ...more
Jul 25, 2011 Ellen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
A powerful follow-up to The Five Love Languages, I think this one was even more useful in improving and maintaining health of my marriage. Where The Five Love Languages taught me to understand my spouse, The Five Languages of Apology taught me more about myself. At times, it was hard to face the realization that I have been exceedingly poor at speaking apologies in such a way that others accept my apology as sincere and heartfelt. I always belived that saying you're sorry and meaning it should b ...more
Another winner from Chapman and Thomas! The five languages of apology was nicely laid out, easy to read, excellent examples and even touched on the "Five languaes of love" (another book).

The five languages of apology are:

1. Expressing Regret
Example "I am sorry."

2. Accepting Responsibility
Example "I was wrong."

3. Making Restitution
"What can I do to make it right?

4. Genuinely Repenting
"I'll try not to do that again."

5. Requesting Forgiveness
"Will you please forgive me?"

The above 5 chapters are br
Maria Elmvang
Unfortunately not nearly as good as "The Five Love Languages". I do think the authors have a point, that there are different languages of apology, but I found it a lot harder to relate to the differences between the languages, and I still have absolutely no clue what my primary language of apology is!

It's not a book I'd want to read in one sitting - although that's what I did with TFLL - because as it's a book about apology you're automatically made to think of times when you owed others an apol
Nisha D
Apr 15, 2015 Nisha D rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
This would have been better if they had deleted 2/3rd of it. The concept of apology languages is interesting and valuable. The additional religious content was heavy handed and preachy, it did not add to my understanding of the apology languages.

If you want to avoid most of the religious rhetoric but still get an understanding of the apology languages, just read the first half of the book.
Pat W. Kirk (author name Patricia Annalee Kirk)
Have you ever had a disagreement with spouse, friend, or coworker and the apology given didn’t mend your hurt feelings? Or maybe you tried to apologize only to have your apology rejected. Possibly your apology didn’t match the style of the receiver.

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas discuss the various apology styles in The Five Languages of Apology. ...

Christians Read: Books Review
Oct 04, 2015 Juliana rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is by far one of the best spiritual books I've ever read. I started reading this book with the belief that I was the most forgiving person, but after reading one chapter I realized I that I had much to work on. I deeply recommend this book to anyone who is ready to explore yourself.

Gary Chapman writes that there are five languages of love:

- words of affirmation
- receiving gifts
- acts of service
- physical touch
- quality time

The basis is that you express your love in one or several of these l
Per Tracey Scholen:

"Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and express the words and gestures of apology in a different language. Gary Chapman has teamed up with counselor Jennifer Thomas on this study of the way we apologize, discovering that it's not just a matter of will--it's a matter of how. By helping people identify the languages of apology, this book clears the way toward healing and sustaining vital relationships. The authors detail proven techniques for giving and re
Dec 25, 2012 Amelia rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help
Like Gary Chapman's other more popular book, The Five Love Languages, this book provides some helpful concepts as relationship tools and is good to read (or even just skim) at least once but it is not going to solve all your relationship problems. This book not only underrates the complexities that exist when you are dealing with years of baggage and trust issues but to my mind it doesn't even get at the core of what is necessary for resolution in some situations. I felt like it OVERsimplified a ...more
Jan 28, 2014 Betsy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a very interesting read that makes one think about apologies in a whole new way. I never imagined that there were different ways to apologize but every language of apology made so much sense. Through reading this book I have been inspired to try and right some past wrongs and be more mindful when I do have to apologize to someone in the future.

There were a few examples given throughout the book where people finally apologized and they did so right before it was no longer possible to do
Pam Brown
Feb 15, 2016 Pam Brown rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: keeper
Personally, I was struggling to forgive and trust and move on until I realized he'd apologized over and over again but I didn't hear it because I have a different apology language. Christians are supposed to forgive no matter what, but it's so much easier to forgive when there's a quick and full confession, and so much easier to move forward with trust if we perceive genuine repentance.
Nov 13, 2014 Stephanie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I have known about this book and the ideas in it for several years, but this is the first time I have read it cover to cover. I think the idea behind it (that we all have different things we are looking for in an apology and if we don't hear it we usually don't feel like we have actually been apologized to) is really important and helpful. I found a lot of important insights for myself in it of what I want in an apology and how I can improve my apologies to others.
Jasmine Holloman
I read The Five Love Languages with my boyfriend and it really helped and expanded communication in our relationship and grow closer to one another. This is why we were so eager to read this book, yet this one is in no way as helpful as the original one.

Although it has some good pointers on why apologizing is so critical to a relationship, but I did not like how preachy it became. What really turned me off from the book was in the chapter about apologizing to the offender. Chapman uses an examp
Sarah K
Mar 22, 2016 Sarah K rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Really like this book after reading and hearing several speakers on the love languages. This is a nice compliment to the series and gives insight to understanding how other people understand us. Great book for building stronger life-long relationships.
Don Weidinger
Jul 20, 2014 Don Weidinger rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
love means saying you are sorry, sincere regret specific, specific plan for change, admit and confess wrong, ask for forgiveness, no apology and lives of quiet desperation, immediate consequences improve discipline and society, young listen older do.
Rudy Henriquez
Sep 15, 2015 Rudy Henriquez rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Gostei! Porque ajuda a perceber que muitas vezes no casamento, no estamos a comunicarmos da maneira certa. Conhecendo a teu parceiro e o linguagem que ele fala teremos um matrimonio feliz.
Jenny Hammerle
Jan 29, 2014 Jenny Hammerle rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is an amazing book for anyone looking for healing in relationships. As with all of his books, Gary Chapman once again corners the market on helping people communicate better in their everyday lives and further understand those closest to them.
Frans Karlsson
Another great book by Chapman about how there is a difference of how we apologize and receive apologies. He did a good way of linking this together with his other teaching and with lot of practical examples made many good points. Recommended for any relationships.
Apr 02, 2014 Kimberly rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'll admit this book was a little repetitive, but the premise and the examples of how people found peace by letting go of their own feelings were inspiring! I thought this book illustrated the divine principle of forgiveness beautifully. I want to go back and reread the chapter on, "Teaching children how to apologize". Interesting points there.
I enjoyed this book because I was open to the concept of honest apologies. Although concise, I felt like the theme was extremely repetitive. {Perhaps that's the point}
I recommend it to everyone because we have all committed offenses to someone that deserves a true apology.
Jun 13, 2015 Lucas rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Um livro para todos os que sao casados! Para todos os que sao pais. Para todos os aspirantes a qualquer tipo de relacionamento. Fantastico!
Oct 12, 2014 Dave rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Knowing how to apologize is huge.Apologies are different to every person-and learning how and why could facilitate healing quickly and efficiently.
Essential reading.
Rebekka Steg
I'm sure we're all aware, that it is important to give a genuine apology, when we make mistakes and hurt someone - whether it is on purpose or not. But sometimes, even though we are sincerely sorry, the person we've hurt, might not think our apology is sincere, because we are not apologizing in a language they can understand.

As with love languages, we tend to apologize (or show love) in our own primary language, which is not necessarily the primary language of the person we have hurt. The author
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Gary Chapman has traveled extensively around the world challenging couples to pursue healthy, growing marriages. His first book, Toward a Growing Marriage (Moody, 1979, 1996), began as an informal resource he gave to couples with whom he was counseling. Once officially published, this book became a blessing to thousands of people and helped launch Gary’s popular “Toward a Growing Marriage” seminar ...more
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“Genuine forgiveness and reconciliation are two-person transactions that are enabled by apologies. Some, particularly within the Christian worldview, have taught forgiveness without an apology. They often quote the words of Jesus, “If you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Thus, they say to the wife whose husband has been unfaithful and continues in his adulterous affair, “You must forgive him, or God will not forgive you.” Such an interpretation of Jesus’ teachings fails to reckon with the rest of the scriptural teachings on forgiveness. The Christian is instructed to forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us. How does God forgive us? The Scriptures say that if we confess our sins, God will forgive our sins. Nothing in the Old or New Testaments indicates that God forgives the sins of people who do not confess and repent of their sins.

While a pastor encourages a wife to forgive her erring husband while he still continues in his wrongdoing, the minister is requiring of the wife something that God Himself does not do. Jesus’ teaching is that we are to be always willing to forgive, as God is always willing to forgive, those who repent…

While a pastor encourages a wife to forgive her erring husband while he still continues in his wrongdoing, the minister is requiring of the wife something that God Himself does not do. Jesus’ teaching is that we are to be always willing to forgive, as God is always willing to forgive, those who repent…”
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