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The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
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The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family

4.42  ·  Rating Details  ·  1,378 Ratings  ·  191 Reviews
"An extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."
--Library Journal (starred review)

"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."
--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for Adoption

The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. W
Paperback, 264 pages
Published March 15th 2007 by McGraw-Hill Companies (first published February 22nd 2007)
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(showing 1-30 of 2,725)
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Mar 14, 2012 Lisa rated it it was amazing
This is BY FAR the most helpful book I've read on attachment, bonding and helping a traumatized child learn to feel safe and yet not allow them to overly control the life of your family due to their very real struggles and issues. Written by two PhD's at Texas Christian University, they provide common-sense understanding of what triggers fear and other struggles in traumatized children while offering very helpful and HOPEFUL strategies for compassionate, loving, strong and effective parenting to ...more
Scooping it Up
Jun 01, 2010 Scooping it Up rated it it was amazing
Shelves: adoption-reads
The framework of this book is parenting children who come from any kind of difficult past or transition, adoption, trauma, etc.

The surprising humble,and highly emotional pie I ate while reading it was this: Dr. Purvis is kind to suggest the kind of parenting it takes to successfully parent children from "hard places" is just that: mere kindness. The fact is, her parenting strategies would make every child a happier, more connected, more well adjusted child.

And if every parent practiced the kind
Feb 10, 2009 Kami rated it it was amazing
I read this book because I have an adopted daughter that I am struggling to connect with. I thought it was exceptional. There were several chapters applicable only to adopted and foster children, however the rest of it I would recommend to any parent.

Here's a few of the gems I found personally beneficial:

1)A lot of my daughter's behaviors that drive me insane aren't her personality--it's a result of where she began and are coping/survival mechanisms. I actually was surprised at how many behavio
This book is pure GOLD! This book gives real strategies and insights into how to help bring healing, attachment and growth to our kiddos. Every foster parent and adoptive parent should read this book. It is invaluable. You don't have to be a foster or adoptive parent to read this book. If you're interested in learning more about the needs of kiddos from hard places and/or providing support for your family/friends who have adopted and how their kiddo's needs are best met and how attachment & ...more
Sep 16, 2012 Carrie rated it it was amazing
Should be required reading for adoptive parents. However, there were many things I highlighted that will aid me in being a better mom to my biological children as well.
Noteworthy quotes:
1- Too often parents and experts look at behavioral disorders as if they they existed separate from sensory impairments, separate from attention difficulties, separate from childhood deprivation, neurological damage, attachment disorders, post traumatic stress; and so on. You should take a more holistic approach
Feb 21, 2013 Kendra rated it really liked it
This is a great resource book. Lots of helpful, practical ideas on how to help your adopted child in the bonding process. The only reason I didn't give it a "5" is that I had hoped (maybe it was an unfair expectation) that she would address, in more depth, the complex emotions that parents also bring into the relationship (ex. grief and loss). Maybe we are odd ducks in that we have already experienced the death of a child, although there are plenty of people who also adopt after infertility. I f ...more
Melissa Lewis
Jan 22, 2008 Melissa Lewis rated it it was amazing
This was a very informative and insightful book. While it was great for me to read as an adoptive mother preparing to adopt a toddler, I think it is a great parenting book for others as well. It provides solid reasons why traumatized children act out in different ways and gives very practical parenting advice on how to gently, but firmly help them deal with their issues. Definitely a must-read for adoptive parents.
Leah Good
Apr 10, 2014 Leah Good rated it really liked it
Hovering between 4 and 5 stars here. Is it okay to rate every non-fiction, adopted rated book I read 5 stars? :P

This book outlines how to understand and address the negative behaviors and emotional distance displayed by children that come from "hard place". Author Karen Purvis emphasizes the need for compassion and parenting techniques that bring negative behaviors under control while still making the child feel safe and unthreatened.

My only slight concern with this book is the suggestion to put
Jan 11, 2008 Heather rated it it was amazing
Wow - she got it. This is now a book I rave about to friends with traumatized kids. Purvis explains how a child's brain reacts and develops in the presence of trauma, but also describes approaches to "rewire" these kiddos. Brilliant in theory, but clear and simple in the writing.
Feb 13, 2014 Sarah rated it it was amazing
This is the best parenting book I have read. Even though I haven't reviewed very many on Goodreads, I have tried to read a number of parenting books and I usually wind up being frustrated. They say, "do this and your child will behave!" but they don't say what to do when I "do this" and still won't cooperate. (I don't have a child from a hard place, just a very stubborn 3 year old.) The chapter on dealing with defiance is fantastic. It walks step by step through three levels of dealing with a ch ...more
Mar 15, 2016 Laura rated it really liked it
Definitely geared toward younger children. I read this after reading numerous other adoptive parenting books and years of adoptive parenting and did not discover much that was new to me, but the recommendations are solid. I did appreciate the reminder of how much of an influence fear has on our children's behavior. Also, it reminded me to look for how what looks like misbehavior might be the remnants of survival behavior - the recognition of which allows a parent to address the root cause.
This was required reading for our adoption. I can see that it would be very helpful for parents who aren't familiar with therapy language or parenting a child with special needs, but I found that none of it was new information to me. I read The Out of Sync Child soon after Jakson was diagnosed with autism (and the psychologist suggested it) and thought that was much more helpful for dealing with sensory processing disorder (many similarities to attachment disorders). I did take a couple of notes ...more
Andrew Wolgemuth
Mar 15, 2016 Andrew Wolgemuth rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: adoptive parents, foster care parents, those supporting kids from hard places
An excellent read for adoptive and/or foster care parenting (and those who support them, too). It's helpful in providing better understanding the thinking and behavior of kids from tough places, and it provides lots of practical helps and guidance in the process.
Courtney Clark
Jul 30, 2015 Courtney Clark rated it it was amazing
Shelves: 2015
This is one of those books that went back to the library, and straight to the top of my "to buy" list. Arguably one of the best parenting books I've read, flat, not to mention the insights on the specific needs of traumatized children. Highly recommended for all adoptive/foster parents.
Donald Linnemeyer
Sep 27, 2014 Donald Linnemeyer rated it really liked it
Shelves: parenting-family
Anna recommended this, and I've found it really helpful so far. It's targeted specifically at adoption, especially of special needs/vulnerable children, but the principles are definitely applicable across the board.

The principles revolve around showing respect (parent to child and child to parent), walking the child through how to behave in certain circumstances (e.g. giving the child the chance to re-try, giving them constructive choices), and constant encouragement/praise to build self-esteem.
Jul 19, 2014 Kate added it
Not having read a slew of books on this topic before, I didn't find it particularly earth-shattering, but perhaps that's because Purvis's approach has become more mainstream. I was reading it not because we have any particular issue in our family but because I was curious and interested in learning some new strategies for dealing with toddler tantrums. It's obviously geared towards a different audience, but it also had a few nuggets and reminders for all parents facing that moment when they have ...more
Colleen Jobe
Jul 13, 2014 Colleen Jobe rated it it was amazing
An amazing read for parents (or future parents) of adopted or foster children. She gives you understanding of your child's trauma, as well as wonderful practical tools to help your child heal and build a secure connection. This book should be required for any adoptive or foster parent.
Oct 21, 2014 Makenzie rated it it was amazing
A must-read for every adoptive or foster parent, but beneficial to any parent or person who works with children. Lots of practical advice with research to back it up. If you have a chance to see Karyn Purvis at an Empowered to Connect conference I highly recommend it!
Dec 28, 2010 Gigi rated it it was amazing
Very helpful material. Attended a seminar featuring Dr. Purvis this year. Learned so much about how to interact/connect with our daughter to foster a better relationship.
Jan 01, 2011 Krysta rated it it was amazing
Should be required reading for anyone welcoming a child to their family through adoption.
Jan 11, 2011 Emily rated it liked it
Shelves: adoption, nook, parenting
Practical tips for helping with attachment in adopted children.
Sep 05, 2015 Kris rated it liked it
Shelves: self-help
I read this book in conjunction with a parenting class I have been taking. Great ideas and a different look at how to connect with your child. Suggestions on how to set rules, establish that you are the boss and deal with difficult behaviors. A great reminder that adopted children are coming from a place of risk and trauma. This was a great book to reinforce the things I learned in my class. I think it would be valuable for all parents...a reminder that what we're trying to accomplish is to conn ...more
Cindy Happ
Sep 12, 2012 Cindy Happ rated it it was amazing
Excellent advice for our children! Love it!
Aaron Blakeley
Jan 24, 2016 Aaron Blakeley rated it it was amazing
Karyn Purvis truly loves children this coupled with her years of research has made this book one of the best attachment oriented parenting books I have seen. When I went to rate it and to consider what my take aways from the book was I had to stop and consider how it was broken down.

The book is broken down into several chapters covering many areas of attachment disorder, the causes and how to work with children that are suffering from it. The book has plenty of research and descriptions to help
Brandon Stiver
Such an incredible and spot-on book. I really can't emphasize just how important this book is. In a review, I normally say what I learned from a book but with this one I learned way too much to even start summarizing. I'm so glad that I read this book and couldn't recommend it enough. Dr. Purvis and her co-authors not only present a comprehensive approach to caring for children that are adopted from dire situations, but really capture the heart and ambition behind such an endeavor. I'm so glad t ...more
Aug 20, 2015 Ebookwormy rated it really liked it
Recommended to Ebookwormy by: Megan Smith
Parenting a child with a complex background is like moving from analogue through digital to HD in a single day. Yet this book will be helpful to all engaged in the challenge of parenting, but particularly those who have children with nueropsychological needs (regardless of whether they are in biological, adopted or foster families).

We had to read a series of these books in preparation for adoption, and all along the way, I heard "Connected Child is the best" and "ShowHope recommends the Connect
Mar 26, 2015 Abigail rated it it was amazing
This was a fantastically helpful parenting book. Raising an adopted child who had a rough beginning in life is challenging in a lot of ways, but I think the toughest thing is figuring out the right balance of discipline and nurturing interactions to meet your child's emotional needs. This book outlines exactly how to handle the various behavior issues and challenges that come along with parenting adopted kids and kids who have experienced trauma in a way that's nurturing and firm in just the rig ...more
Oct 31, 2014 Michelle rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction, work
Not just for adoptive families: If you only ever read one parenting book, this needs to be it. Karyn Purvis and her team at Texas Christian University bring a one-of-a-kind marriage of research and heart to treating "kids from hard places."

I first became aware of Dr. Purvis' work -- and this book -- because of my work with families who have adopted internationally. Internationally adopted children are from hard places for sure. So are other adopted children, foster children and children who have
Sheryl Smith
Sep 08, 2014 Sheryl Smith rated it it was amazing
I highly recommend this book. I rarely read parenting books anymore. Just at a friend's mention, I looked at the cover and decided to read it. At first it was a slog, getting through all the theory of international/older child/troubled child adoption, but once it got to the part of actually handling real life situations, I thought the author did a great job of guiding, yet being realistic about life with kids. While this book is written toward the adoptive audience, I found the parenting advice ...more
Betsy Dion
Feb 23, 2013 Betsy Dion rated it it was amazing
Shelves: adoption
This is the best book that I have read so far about how to help children heal after adoption. The author has years and years of experience in helping families, and her methods have been proven successful many times over. Her approach makes a lot of sense to me--the first step is to help a child feel safe. When someone is afraid, rational thought and the ability to learn shuts down. Fight or flight takes over. So helping a child to feel safe is the first step towards being able to reach them and ...more
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Attaching in adoption 1 15 Jan 08, 2010 12:46PM  
  • Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents
  • Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years
  • Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow
  • Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft
  • Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors, Volume 1
  • Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
  • Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families
  • I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World
  • In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories
  • Inside Transracial Adoption
  • Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections
  • Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches
  • Raising Adopted Children: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent
  • Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children
  • Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care
  • Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption
  • In On It: What Adoptive Parents Would Like You To Know About Adoption. A Guide for Relatives and Friends. (Mom's Choice Award Winner)
  • Adopt Without Debt: Creative Ways To Cover The Cost Of Adoption

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“Start the healing process by keeping a journal of your child's daily activities and behavior, marking down routine events along with the behavior that accompanies these events. After about a week or two of journaling, parents find that patterns emerge.” 0 likes
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