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Whether you're dealing with an under performing employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult c...
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Dec 17, 2009
Otis
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I read this on a recommendation from a friend who gave it to me on a list of business books to read. But it was so much more. It gives you a great framework for thinking through why people have communication issues - whether in personal or professional relationships.
The best piece of advice that stuck with me is to always explain where you are coming from in a discussion. "I did it this way because...". Sometimes we think its obvious and it isn't, and it always helps the co More...
The best piece of advice that stuck with me is to always explain where you are coming from in a discussion. "I did it this way because...". Sometimes we think its obvious and it isn't, and it always helps the co More...
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Dec 17, 2009
Debra
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Although some of the tips may sound a little corny, I think this is a great book for pretty much everyone to read. I definitely noticed a lot of the negative traps I fall into and I want to try some of the new tips suggested in the book.
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Dec 16, 2009
Courtney
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Advice and techniques for handling sticky or unpleasant exchanges (with a co-worker, subordinate, friend, significant other-in a manner that accomplishes your objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt.
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Dec 20, 2011
Elise
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I first became interested in reading "Difficult Conversations" when a couple of colleagues and I were commiserating together about how challenging it has been to recruit people to participate in a research study we are conducting - challenging because most people we contact do not want to participate, but are either indirect or extremely aggressive in saying so. One colleague mentioned having used "Difficult Conversations" in a graduate class, and how helpful it has been to
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Jul 03, 2011
Jordan
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"I'm right and I just can't get my girlfriend to see it?" "I know what my boss is saying but he has it wrong and just won't listen to me?... This book helped shed light on a subject I thought I had under control. I consider myself to be a logical man yet I get into arguments and misunderstandings with so many people throughout my day.
I bought this book as a x-mans gift my brother in law. I made the mistake of reading the first few pages before I wrapped it. I e More...
I bought this book as a x-mans gift my brother in law. I made the mistake of reading the first few pages before I wrapped it. I e More...
May 16, 2011
Julie
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This book came home with the Mister after an employee training seminar. The Senate doesn't do much employee enrichment, but they did do a seminar based on this book, so it must be highly regarded. I was interested in it because I once considered negotiation and conflict processing as a possible area of academic interest.
The book does a great job of providing guidance about what to do with feelings and emotions in conflict. It's great for someone trying to figure out why they feel stro More...
The book does a great job of providing guidance about what to do with feelings and emotions in conflict. It's great for someone trying to figure out why they feel stro More...
Jul 01, 2009
Kevin
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When you have an issue with someone, it's not about you being right or they being right. Both sides contributed to the problem and mapping the contribution helps get past the pride of "it's not my fault". Also, you might have the idea that you kind of know what they're thinking. But you truly don't know - you just think you do. But you have access to their thinking ... just ask! An in a trusting environment, they'll tell you and you won't have to guess and you can reach a solution
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Mar 27, 2011
Nick
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This book was assigned reading for my class on negotiation and conflict management. As I began reading it, I realized that a day-long training that I attended at work (also called "Difficult Conversations") had essentially been based on the precepts of this book. So I read through the book fairly quickly, and didn't get a ton of marginal benefit out of it, but that's not the book's fault.
I will say that I suspect that I would have been more skeptical of the book had I read i More...
I will say that I suspect that I would have been more skeptical of the book had I read i More...
Dec 06, 2010
Charlotte
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difficult conversations
your boss . your spouse
your friends
yours kids . your clients
Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen work at the Harvard Negotiation Project
1999
Just what the doctor ordered. Fran, after sitting through various sessions with me harping on about my difficulties with my 16-year-old son, rather offhandedly gave me this to read.
Actually, it’s nothing to write home about, just one of those self-help books you- or ra More...
your boss . your spouse
your friends
yours kids . your clients
Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen work at the Harvard Negotiation Project
1999
Just what the doctor ordered. Fran, after sitting through various sessions with me harping on about my difficulties with my 16-year-old son, rather offhandedly gave me this to read.
Actually, it’s nothing to write home about, just one of those self-help books you- or ra More...
May 06, 2010
Seth
rated it:
Fantastic book. I'm gonna have to read it again and again. Could use the content for an amazing marriage improvement course. I'd sign up.
Lots of practical advice in this book. I loved the role plays. So easy to relate to. One of the best things I learned (or was reminded about) is that you should never blame someone else for a problem but instead find out how each party contributed to the problem and learn to talk it through openly and fairly.
I wish I'd read this book m More...
Lots of practical advice in this book. I loved the role plays. So easy to relate to. One of the best things I learned (or was reminded about) is that you should never blame someone else for a problem but instead find out how each party contributed to the problem and learn to talk it through openly and fairly.
I wish I'd read this book m More...
Mar 17, 2008
Eliza
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I'd never thought of these different elements to communication. I should probably read it again, and again... It gave me peace about a difficult situation I was having and helped me get free. How awesome is that!
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Aug 19, 2010
Mary
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This book is terrific if somewhat overwhelming. The thesis is that in order to communicate effectively, you have to understand what's not being said in the average conversation: the feelings involved, the identity issues. They have a lot of good advice for delving into what's really going on, asking questions, listening carefully, and so on. It's very important stuff, but it definitely paints a picture of even the smallest human interaction as amazingly complex. One begins to consider the benefi
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Jan 18, 2009
Peter
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Probably one of the most immediately useful books I've read. There are infinite ways that a conversation can go, and this book gives some very helpful ideas on how to approach the difficult or uncomfortable ones.
I actually bought several copies and give them to friends regularly whenever I get the sense that their difficult situations could benefit from a different approach. I've probably given away at least 10 copies of this book.
One of these friends dismissed the book and More...
I actually bought several copies and give them to friends regularly whenever I get the sense that their difficult situations could benefit from a different approach. I've probably given away at least 10 copies of this book.
One of these friends dismissed the book and More...
Aug 01, 2011
Sharon
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this one can be a little boring at times, but I find it to be an incredibly rich book helping through difficult conversations, whether they be personal or work related. I especially appreciated how this book gave me a framework to begin discussing topics that used to always give me sweaty palms (what does my supervisor really think of me? Is my friend mad at me? Does he love me?). I've found that following advice in this book has opened up a whole realm of perspective I'm not sure I would ha
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Nov 08, 2010
Unwisely
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This book does exactly what it says it does - gives you a framework for having difficult discussions. I was afraid it was going to be boring, but it was *quite* readable. It lays out things to address, things to think about, how to reframe the discussion, how to bring up recurring conflicts, all sorts of things that sound like they'd be useful (although I'm not sure how their rosy outcomes compare to real life).
I currently don't have any of these sorts of discussions on my agenda, bu More...
I currently don't have any of these sorts of discussions on my agenda, bu More...
Sep 16, 2009
Steev
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This is an incredibly inspiring and useful book. I think everyone who has any interest in getting along with other people should read this.
I could summarize the recommendations of this book with one general rule: Treat people like you care about them and how they feel, and make it obvious to them that you do. Of course, there are lots of details and ways to go about this, and the authors are painstaking in laying out a convincing method, breaking every conversation into 3 conversa More...
I could summarize the recommendations of this book with one general rule: Treat people like you care about them and how they feel, and make it obvious to them that you do. Of course, there are lots of details and ways to go about this, and the authors are painstaking in laying out a convincing method, breaking every conversation into 3 conversa More...
May 29, 2010
Ethernight
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This is a fantastic communication book. I admit, it has a hint of the self-help vibe (things like including unnecessary lingo) which may be a bit off-putting for some. Nevertheless, the content is highly valuable for improving your communication skills.
Some of the concepts gave names to habits that I have already picked up over the years--such as "starting from the third story", the idea of approaching a conversation by trying to include both perspectives, rather than jus More...
Some of the concepts gave names to habits that I have already picked up over the years--such as "starting from the third story", the idea of approaching a conversation by trying to include both perspectives, rather than jus More...
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Aug 21, 2008
Shana
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As long as I can remember, I've had a rule against self-help books. I don't read them, and I certainly don't buy them.
I broke my rule with this book, and I am really glad I did. The book contains so much useful and practical advice, and reading it definitely left me feeling empowered to take on some major communications challenges. I was also surprised to recognize myself in some of the situations the book described. I feel like it has already been helpful to me, and I cannot w More...
I broke my rule with this book, and I am really glad I did. The book contains so much useful and practical advice, and reading it definitely left me feeling empowered to take on some major communications challenges. I was also surprised to recognize myself in some of the situations the book described. I feel like it has already been helpful to me, and I cannot w More...
Aug 04, 2008
Bob
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In Difficult Conversations, the authors Stone, Patton and Heen set out to de-mystify the problems we get into in our daily conversations.
I found this book both enlightening and difficult. Enlightening because of the simple concepts and principles one should adopt when handling difficult conversations. For example, classifying all conversations into:
• The “What Happened ?” Conversation
• The Feelings Conversation
• The Identity Conversation
More...
I found this book both enlightening and difficult. Enlightening because of the simple concepts and principles one should adopt when handling difficult conversations. For example, classifying all conversations into:
• The “What Happened ?” Conversation
• The Feelings Conversation
• The Identity Conversation
More...
Jul 05, 2008
Greg
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As the authors of this book say, "Both the challenge and the spice of relationships is in people's differences. Occasional frustration is the price of admission." (p. 215) This book goes a long way toward making the frustration manageable. It is an especially good complement to "Crucial Conversations" (Patterson, et. al.). I would recommend reading CC first, as it provides a slightly easier and more actionable foundation in the practice of dialogue. Many of the concepts and a
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Jan 14, 2008
Spicy T AKA Mr. Tea
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What a piece of shit book. Ok, so this was touted as THE book to solve the personnel problems at the food coop I used to work at. My boss, being a corporate minded, new-ager, pop-psychology fan, was told by other managers that if she got the workers to read this book, then problems would practically dissolve. We were asked to read it voluntarily. I was disappointed that I had wasted my time to read it.
There are many things I dislike about it. One is that it speaks in the voice of man More...
There are many things I dislike about it. One is that it speaks in the voice of man More...
Jul 01, 2011
Vee
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Not normally being a fan of the self-help genre, I began reading this more out of desperation than curiosity. It quickly became apparent that the years of research put into this book were well spent.
While some of the techniques may seem basic, it is often the easiest solutions to our problems that we have the most difficulty actually seeing for ourselves, nevermind moving past.
Without blaming or shaming, this book points out the myriad ways in which our communications f More...
While some of the techniques may seem basic, it is often the easiest solutions to our problems that we have the most difficulty actually seeing for ourselves, nevermind moving past.
Without blaming or shaming, this book points out the myriad ways in which our communications f More...
Feb 13, 2009
Elizabeth
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Everyone should read this book. Yes, I mean everyone. I have used it at work, recommended it to friends and tried to apply the techniques it teaches in pretty much every aspect of my life. On the face of it, the analysis and approach seem very simple, but they are incredibly powerful.
I carry around a card with the key points on it all the time and look at it whenever I know I am heading into a conversation that could be difficult.
I carry around a card with the key points on it all the time and look at it whenever I know I am heading into a conversation that could be difficult.
Jul 03, 2011
Renee
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Another much needed book for my dysfunctional collaborative. We are in a need of a couple very difficult conversations that have some unresolved issues that go waaaaaaaay back. It's really a lot of common sense stuff, but sometimes its good to remember, especially when dealing with people that are delusional. Challenging times at work it is, it is.
Its a pretty good book, easy read. Good for the mornings at the dog park.
Its a pretty good book, easy read. Good for the mornings at the dog park.
Dec 09, 2010
Judie
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This is a good self-help book with sound advice on how to start difficult conversations, keep them on track and get something good out of them in the end. While you could call it 'common sense,' it never really hurts to be reminded. I was surprised by the number of times the authors predicted my gut reaction and showed me a better way to handle a situation.
However, as with most books of this kind, there is a lot of padding and I ended up feeling bored and skimming ahead to where More...
However, as with most books of this kind, there is a lot of padding and I ended up feeling bored and skimming ahead to where More...
Mar 13, 2010
Marjanne
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There is some useful information here, and at least one tip I would like to try. However, I didn't feel like this was particularly earth shattering. Perhaps it's because its been floating out there for a while and I have already heard about some of the methods/thought. Maybe I'm a better communicator that I realized or I'm just in denial about my communication skills. There are a couple of things I'm going to jot down for future reference, but I don't think it's likely I'll be reading this again
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Aug 09, 2011
Kristin
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Many people talk about the importance of good communication skills, but few people talk about how to communicate well. This book discusses what makes difficult conversations hard and offers tools to lead a conversation away from accusations and blame and toward learning and problem solving. While some of the examples are too long, the format is easy to follow and the ideas make sense. I liked it.
Jan 23, 2008
Jon
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The title says it all. If you have conflicts to sort through in friendships, business relationships, leadership situations, family . . . this book offers very practical advice. I'm very impressed with everything I've read from the folks at the Harvard Project on Negotiation, and this was no exception.
They offer both principles and practical help: one on hand, a full paradigm for understanding conflictual conversations, why they go so badly awry without care, and more helpful ways to More...
They offer both principles and practical help: one on hand, a full paradigm for understanding conflictual conversations, why they go so badly awry without care, and more helpful ways to More...
May 05, 2009
Beth
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This book is written with business communication in mind, but applies very well to personal relationships as well. It gives example dialogues of conversations that are difficult to talk about (someone didn't do their part on a project, hurt your feelings, etc). It then provides strategies for how to listen, ask questions, and ultimately have these difficult conversations turn out successfully.
Aug 18, 2010
Kameka
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I love this book and the people who wrote it. It's a super easy read and a helpful tool for anyone looking for assistance with handling a difficult conversation at work or at home. If you take the time to understand their approach to having these conversations, I think you will find new success in your communications! Good luck and enjoy!
