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Changes That Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future
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Changes That Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future

4.34  ·  Rating Details ·  1,930 Ratings  ·  143 Reviews
In this ground-breaking book, Dr. Cloud takes the reader step-by-step through the four basic tasks of becoming mature image bearers of God: Bonding to others - Separating from others - Sorting out good and bad in ourselves and others - Becoming an adult
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Published June 1st 2009 by Zondervan (first published 1992)
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Jun 10, 2012 Aprile rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: self-help, psychology
This is no easy read. That isn't to say it's hard to understand, but that this is a book that should be read slowly and carefully in order for you to think through what it is saying. As someone who struggles with taking full responsibility for myself and not blaming others for things I can do something about, this is a book I can already tell I will want to read again. It talks about the four tasks of becoming mature men and women of God. As per the book description: "In this ground-b ...more
Jan 15, 2013 Becca rated it it was amazing
Shelves: christian, nonfiction
A difficult read, (definitely not light-hearted) but helpful for identifying past patterns and acquiring the tools of how to break these patterns. It's a great springboard for beginning to unpack your own baggage: figuring out what needs to change, how to forgive people from your past, and how to become/continue being a true adult.

I *strongly* recommend not reading this in one sitting (for you power readers out there). I also recommend letting a trusted friend/spouse or counselor know that you
Feb 20, 2013 Jaclynn rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2012
This book was amazing. Amazing it how it revealed patterns, strengths, and weaknesses. Showing me clearly areas of my life I need to work and apply myself on as well as showing me how I can change and heal. There were so many helpful examples throughout the book that in one way or another applied to me. I especially got a lot out of the chapter entitled "What is Adulthood?"
I grew up never being allowed to disagree, it wasn't "safe" to do so. I realize now that I have struggled with the inordinat
Marlene Salcher
Aug 17, 2008 Marlene Salcher rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wow, Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. How we needed your book sooner. I learned from Dr. Cloud"s book more than anything else that my parenting style was truth but often lacked the grace. I think that is what I learned from home. I needed grace but had no idea of what it looked like. Thank you, Mick Silva, editor for Waterbrook Press for telling me how much that particular book was used by God to make a difference in your family. I am continuing to read more of Dr. Cloud's books. It is time ...more
Sep 07, 2011 Melissa rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Life-changing, life-giving, breakthrough-inspiring, maturity-inducing. No matter what issues you're facing, no matter what place you're at in life, this book can help you process your past, grow up and heal in your present, and revolutionize your future.

There is so much I could say, and I will eventually. For now, let me say that there have been few nonfiction books that have held my attention like this one. It's surprisingly easy to read, in spite of the fact that he's dealing with difficult is
May 21, 2011 Andrea rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book helped me untangle some deep spiritual and emotional snarls deep in my heart. It's also the first comprehensive look at what it means to become an adult -- something I can't help but feel this generation is sorely lacking (especially after reading "Generation Me").
Amy Whitehouse
Jun 25, 2013 Amy Whitehouse rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Excellent book on emotional/relational health. Best to have group to discuss with and watch accompanying DVD for optimal benefit.
Roxane Lapa
Dr Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist and Christian, has identified 4 areas of our lives that can really stunt us emotionally if they are out of balance. These 4 areas are bonding; boundaries; perception of good and bad; and emotional maturity. The book brings insight into these areas, which in turn brings healing.

I started reading this book about a decade ago and it changed my life back then. Now at a different stage of my life with different concerns, it has once again made a massive impact
Mar 03, 2017 Ayo rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Great book! I can't believe that it has been for 20 years. Very helpful.
Feb 27, 2015 Jess rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
As a psychologist, the author is respectable. As a theologian, though, he seems a little lacking. The four "shifts" he discusses in this book are truly very useful in helping people live socially healthier lives. But I feel like what he had to say could have been said with 2/3 less text. Ultimately our issues in properly relating to other human beings is a sin problem. We can band-aid the issue by changing our behavior, but without a heart change from God that's moralism, which ultimately ends i ...more
Bart Breen
May 25, 2012 Bart Breen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
An Outstanding Book

Dr. Henry Cloud in his introduction, explains that he did not set out to write this book. Rather it was an extension of his ministry and the encouragement of many who benefited from the ministry and wished that he would expand its scope.

Most revealing in the introduction into this material is the observation that within Christianity is a broad section which seems to espouse the idea that Christians who suffer from issues such as depression, relationship deficiencies, sexual dy
Norm Konzelman
Dec 23, 2014 Norm Konzelman rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
The author states at the beginning that this is not a book about psychology, but it is just that. I have been there and know some of "Christian" psychology.
The only way out of a ruined life for a soul is the word of God. "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6
Towards the latter part of the book I began to get anxious to find something to redeem my time, and the authors effort, but I cannot.
"Dr." Cloud makes the case that
Dec 08, 2014 Kim rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Hmmm this book was okay but very repetitive. It seemed to deal more with identifying the problems rather than giving biblical solutions. The one thing that stood out to me was the balance between grace and truth... I liked this and had been thinking about this before I read the book. Jesus was full of grace and truth. One without the other in human hands is dangerous according to Dr Cloud... I'm inclined to agree that both should be present in the life of the Christian.

However I wasn't all that
Apr 26, 2014 Emily rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: selfies
I really enjoyed this book. I feel like there is a lot of truth in the things that Dr. Henry Cloud writes about. I picked up this one because it was mentioned in the book "Boundaries" that he and Dr. John Townsend wrote-- a wonderful book that everyone should read!
Dr. Cloud does a good job in this book of describing and backing with Christian principles 4 important truths of life: 1. Bonding 2. Boundaries 3. Reconciling Good and Bad 4. Becoming an adult
I feel everyone could benefit from the less
Melissa Carlson
Mar 19, 2012 Melissa Carlson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book is one of those "snowball effect" books where you read it, and before you know it, you're buying/recommending it for all of your friends and family because it's just that good! No matter who you are, this book has something profound and insightful to teach you that will help you understand yourself and function better than you knew was possible! Read it.
Debra Wagenecht
Feb 12, 2014 Debra Wagenecht rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: christian-life
Great book for working through emotional/relational issues.
Jul 08, 2008 T rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Especially helpful for those of us who need to learn how to draw boundaries. Really, really good read, quite applicable to my life.
Andrea Van Boven
This book was foundational for a lot of the healing I have experienced over the last 10 years. I ahve gone back to it repeatedly.
May 10, 2017 Dawn rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book combines my three loves...psychology, Christianity and self help. This is one I plan to purchase for my personal library and future reference because the information is so valuable to me. He discusses four aspects of the personality of God that we need to cultivate: 1) bonding to others, 2) separating from others (boundaries), 3) sorting out issues of good and bad, and 4) Take charge as an adult. Because we need to perform these functions, this book shows how we can develop these four ...more
Natalie Andrews
This book had a lot of great material. I should have actually read the whole thing when my bible study did it senior year of college because I would love to discuss what I was reading. I only gave it 3 stars because it was hard to read as in boring. I had to force myself to read it, especially the second half. I really wanted to stop. But it does have a lot of good information and I would love to do a workbook on it to make myself really think through some of the "shifts" Henry Cloud recommends ...more
Avolyn Fisher
Sep 22, 2012 Avolyn Fisher rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2012
The easiest way for me to discuss my thoughts on this book would be to break it into two categories of pros and cons.

I absolutely loved the first 1/4 of this book and thought it was extraordinarily insightful. I found myself highlighting and underlying so many great passages. I also enjoyed that Henry spoke so openly and honestly about the human nature within all of us and how it relates to our ability to live out the Christian expectations of us. So many Christian books try to deny the sin
If you are having a hard time understanding what is wrong with your psychological life, this book will explain a lot of things and open up your eyes. What I especially like about this is how the authors don't buy into pop psychological explanations and fictitious cures; they make you dig into the nooks and crannies of your life and explain how certain things that you think, feel, and do became a bad habit that is now a roadblock to your well-being.

But that is also what I didn't like about this b
Josh Morris
Apr 24, 2013 Josh Morris rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This was an excellent book that gives one useful clarity for thinking about personal responsibility and relationships with others. He divides the book into several short sections discussing his points and interwoven with illustrative real life stories from his counseling sessions. Like many who have read the book, I found the Boundaries section to be particularly insightful. If you only read one chapter, read that one.

Bonding discusses loneliness, isolation, and becoming close to others: basical
Dec 11, 2008 Kathryn rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Kathryn by: Lindsey P.
Shelves: christian
When I was in college a friend recommended this book to me, and I started to read it right after college during my first year of teaching with TFA. Seeing as I never seemed to have time to read for pleasure, my reading of it was choppy and I gave up halfway through. I think at that point in my time, I was already dealing with enough emotionally that I also didn't have the space to process some of the content.

I actually found myself wanting to go back and dive into this book as I was dealing with
I started into this book thinking it referred to physical healing. However, it quickly became apparent that the authors were focused on emotional or spiritual healing. The first topic, that of bonding, had some excellent info, meaningful case studies, and memorable quotes. I found myself referring to it over and over in conversations with others. The next section, Boundaries, I had heard much about, and was eager to read. I really think much of what Cloud says is extra-biblical, if not actually ...more
"But if our needs are not met, if we are neglected, abandoned, beaten, abused, criticized, hated, or resented for existing, then our very ability to trust and be vulnerable is injured. And our ability to bond is based on our ability to be vulnerable and needy. We are in trouble if this ability is damaged. It is our key to life.

"If, on the other hand, we find the world trustworthy, we learn that being vulnerable is a wonderful thing because it gets us lots of goodies, like love. When this happens
Kate Smith
Jul 25, 2014 Kate Smith rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to know what it looks like to become an adult, to be free to love others. Or someone who is struggling with what it means to take responsibility for their choices, emotions, etc.

The Author summarizes the book well:
"This is a book about relationship, and the barriers that must be broken down for us to have a real relationship with God, others and ourselves. Any solution short of a relational one is a solution short of lov
As many Christians looking for answers to life's questions have found, any book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is sure to inspire reflection, change and growth. This book, however, is by Cloud alone, and Townsend's influence -- succinct prose, depth of emotion -- is lacking. Cloud's repetition of material is distracting to the point of annoyance: any astute reader has grasped and digested one concept long before he moves to the next, but the material itself is deeply moving, taking readers bac ...more
Kailey (BooksforMKs)
This book inspired me, gave me spiritual healing, and had incredible insight into why people are broken and how God can heal that brokenness.
I love that each concept starts with an example of brokenness, leads into the spiritual lesson with Biblical text, explains the real reasons behind our behavior, and then gives practical solutions to heal and change for the better.
And it's not just about being "better"; it's about being the person God truly created you to be.

The writing has a lot of spirit
Wendy Herman
Insightful answers for the human condition

I did not give the highest rating possible simply because I do not agree with Mr. Cloud's perspective of our purpose on earth, but those differences aside, he has really uncovered a major problem we all may suffer from, and modern technology is making it exponentially worse...a failure to bond with others. Even if you discard the numerous scripture references, this book is invaluable to us all. His solutions can be transcribed to fit any belief system an
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Dr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.

As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public semina
More about Henry Cloud...

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“The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!” 35 likes
“Victims declare,“The world is responsible for me,” and never do anything to better their quality of life.” 11 likes
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