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Vrouw in Pakistan

3.63  ·  Rating Details  ·  2,334 Ratings  ·  174 Reviews
De mooie Hier is nauwelijks vijftien als haar zorgeloze leven in een nachtmerrie verandert. Ze wordt uitgehuwelijkt aan Pir Saien, een religieus leider die door zijn aanhangers wordt beschouwd als de tussenpersoon tussen Allah en diens gelovigen. De pir blijkt een despoot die uit naam van Allah zijn vrouw en zijn gevolg dag in dag uit terroriseert. Hier verliest haar waard ...more
Paperback, 288 pages
Published December 10th 2003 by De Geus (first published 1991)
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Piyush Verma

The book lacks sincerity. The author tries too hard to portray herself as totally naive and innocent, preyed on by a tyrannical and cruel husband. "I refused to let go because of the kids," she maintains. Seeing that she left her first daughter to marry her feudal lord, she doesn't come off as such a devoted and loving mother for me to buy that argument. It does not come off as a wolf-sheep combination at all for me to be entirely sympathetic to her ordeal. The worst part was when her baby sist
Hussain Mansoor
May 15, 2012 Hussain Mansoor rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
The book was an eye opener into lives and mentality of feudal lords, however what was quite obvious is that Ms Durrani is no saint as she expects people to conclude to, She herself was a debauchee, admitted to splurging the money without caring where it came from, admiring the two facedness of her double standard husband who really didnt care about the masses while pretending to be their saviour. Ms Durrani in this book is less upset of how Khar fooled the people he claimed to represent, she is ...more
Aug 07, 2011 Qurat rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Qurat by: madiha
My feudal lord was just an ordinary Any pakistani household story, with Only politics making it little special. This is a story of most of the pakistani women, so she faced nothing extra, And whatever she faced during her marriage with Khar was the result of her own action, She did the same to Mustafa's Ex-wife sherry, which happened to her by her own sister Adila. She was an adulteress and was cursed for breaking sherry's marriage with mustafa, at the time when sherry was pregnant. If mustafa w ...more
Mar 02, 2013 Shalini rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
By the time you say you’re his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, and undying-
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
-DOROTHY PARKER (Unfortunate Coincidence)

This is the caveat Ms. Tehmina Durrani should have taken heed of. But as the saying goes ‘Love is blind’, she fell into the perfectly woven trap by Mustafa Khar. The writer starts off with explaining her childhood lifestyle and traumas. Her painstakingly disciplined upbringing in the house where

Jan 10, 2014 Ajay rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Having grown up in India, I have always been interested in things happening in Pakistan. We would view things in Pakistan with a sense of mystery. There were so many walls between the two nations, there still are. But things are easing. Growing up, for me and many others during the cold war, Pakistan was always represented as this theocratic rogue, by the powers that be, always on the brink of war with India. Tehmina Durrani's book, does not do much to dispel this myth. But the fact that she sur ...more
Jan 29, 2013 Phani rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I found this book unreadably tragic. Though I agree with some of the other reviews that the author comes off as insincere, I have to believe that most of what she claims is true, though possibly dramatized and exaggerated.

The blurb proclaims that the book is a "devastating indictment of women's role in Muslim society" and that it is a "sensational European bestseller". That should have made me cynical, but I picked up the book anyway.

Upon reading the book though, Islam comes off as the junior p
I first saw this book on the bookshelf of one of my friend. Upon reading its back cover and discussing about with the friend, I became intrigued.

Miss Durrani narrates about her life and that of her husband Mr Mustafa Khar's in Pakistan(who is uncle of Hina Rabbani Khar). For starters she herself is not that clean but honest nonetheless, as she was having extra-marital affair with Mustafa Khar when she was already married ( something she reports here, it seems to me that some women enjoy the co
The Ultimate Nightmare of a Pakistani Woman: To be trapped in a violent marriage

Tehmina Durrani was born into a strangely dysfunctional family with a combination of an over dominating mother and a mostly absentee father. Cursed with dark skin, she was forever ignored and psychologically led-down by her mother. Nevertheless, she grew up to be charming young lady who drew many a male attention but never from anyone her parents might approve. Her first marriage was to Anees Khan, a man of lower soc
brat gaba
Feb 18, 2014 brat gaba rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I agree with Piyush Verma - the book lacks sincerity. It's quite evident that that the writer is trying too hard to get a tear.

Also, most of what happened with her was self-inflicted (I don't mean the violence of course). It is SHE who broke another woman's marriage and home, and then spends the rest of her life complaining about having gotten a raw deal.

Still, if only for her horrible experiences, I was inclined towards giving this book a 3-star rating. One sentence in the whole book totally ru
I experienced a wide range of emotions reading this book. This is extremely well written and words flow without any turbulence. I can't say I liked this book or I hated it, it's someone's life after all and I don't think I have the right to declare it 'good'or' bad' based on this book .
This one is a graphic book - I went through rage, sympathy, pity, happiness; all of them. It opened my eyes to a great many things. For example I am an adamant believer of women empowerment and my mind had an eas
Yusra Hussain
Feb 24, 2015 Yusra Hussain rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm too unenlightened to proclaim for or against the accuracy of what this book says but being a Pakistani woman, I'm well aware of the feudal culture and the trial of a life women have as a feudal lord's wife. Many say that this book was written to gain sympathies of people for Tehmina Durrani. Many say it's just another conspiratorial turn against Mustafa Khar. I'm just too naive to comment on any of this.

But I appreciate the effort of Tehmina Durrani of writing this book and 'breaking the tra
Rahat  Asif
I had watched this tv show "mera Saeen" which is loosely based on this novel, so I had an idea what the book was about. But it was really shocking to read the story. All these people are not fictional they are real people and this is a true story.
I don't know how Tehmina suffered all these years and didn't just leave him for forever the first time she left his house.
Mustafa Khar is a mentally sick man! He suffers from a number of disorders and needs to get treated.
I'm proud of Tehmina for sta
Nov 09, 2015 Kavitha rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: books-i-own
I found this book very disturbing and heart-wrenching the first time I read it. The way oppression is still found in the modernized, educated families of Pakistan. It’s not very well written. However it does provide context for understanding Pakistan’s Parliament, Feudal system. It also exposes the Indian Political System. I can understand why this book was scandalous when it was first released.
One gets tired from just reading the pattern of abusive behaviours endured by Tehmina Durrani.
Saniya Ahmad
Dec 01, 2014 Saniya Ahmad rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
While the abuse was brutal, Durrani lacks sincerity and refuses to accept her own flaws and chooses instead, to blame everything on her family and her husband, Khar. She also refuses to accept that she also ruined someone's home, and she also left a husband and a daughter, a daughter who kept coming back to a mother who didn't want her, and instead chooses to victimize herself even when it wasn't needed. This is probably the first book I have ever wanted to throw away because it just does not fe ...more
Farhan Khalid
میں اسے اپنے ذہن سے فراموش نہ کر سکی

بدگمانی کا بیج بو دیا گیا تھا وہ جلد ہی پھوٹ آنے کو تھا اور بڑھ کر میرے پورے وجود میں پھیل جانے والے شک کی صورت اختیار کرنے والا تھا

وہ مجھے گھسیٹ کر میرے ماضی میں لے گیا اور مجبور کیا کہ میں اسے دوبارہ بسر کروں

میں اپنے ہی انکشافات میں دھنستی جا رہی تھی

عورت کا تصور

یہ الجھن جاگیردارانہ ذہن کی خصوصیت ہے کہ عورت صرف انہیں لذت پہنچانے کے لئے پیدا ہوئی ہے

اگر اس کی حرکتوں سے کبھی یہ ظاہر ہو جاۓ کہ وہ خود بھی مزہ لے رہی ہے تو یقینا اس کے اندر ایک چھنال چھپی ہوئی ہ
Raheel Farooq
The book is more of an autobiography than a novel. So the only literary merits we can judge this book for are style and diction.
The style is marked by the intesity of the situations. If Tehmina would recover herself a bit more and be able to see those times in a certain detachment and independence, the book could definitely have a greater share of humor which would indubitably contribute to a better reading.
As for the diction, it typically shows the underlying inferiority complex of post colonia
Apr 13, 2013 Bushra rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Though her accounts of Mustafa Khar are generally perceived as false accusations (Some say it's too depressing to be true), I rather found it easy to relate to Durrani as a real women. I didn't come across anything in the book that can't be expected from the feudals of Pakistan.
Mahnoor Rahman
Aug 28, 2015 Mahnoor Rahman rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Perhaps there is dramatization and the perspective is biased--aren't autobiographies always, to some extent, biased in favour of the writer? She may have tried to throw much blame on others, but it is not entirely ill-founded, as all but the most fortunate (or, shall I say, naive) women know who live in this society. Neither has she left many of her own wrongdoings unrecorded, as the judgements passed on her by most of these reviews, prove. Many say she brought it all on herself, or that Durrani ...more
Khadijah Qamar
This book epitomizes what is wrong with the Pakistani "elite", the class of people who run the country with often-ill earned money and power. But that's not a result of any intention by the author, which makes the book itself a terrible read. Hypocrisy, egoism, cruelty, nepotism, immorality, tyranny - these are the themes that dominate this book and its characters, the author included.

Hypocrisy especially stands out in the narrative that Tehmina Durrani wants you to swallow. It seems to be writt
Ayesha Amin
When an event full life she had. That is the life of elite class, they have so much so-called happening life but what actually is happening in their life is so disgusting and you can say taboo even for their own selves. I would say that was a very bold step that Tehmina wrote n tell the whole world her story and especially about her family, what cruel mother. And Mustafa Khar, I don’t think sick would be the right word for him, I feel myself wordless for such characters. Lioness is the right wor ...more
This book is a Pakistani literary masterpiece. Tehmina Durrani has done an exceptional job in exposing the barbarism of Pakistani Feudalism, I appreciate her for her exceptional candor and fortitude in the face of our patriarchal society. This novel is not just a reflection of the feudal society but each and every individual involved in objectification and commodification of women irrespective of gender. Being a woman, I can imagine the societal pressure Miss.Durrani have had to bear from not ju ...more
Feb 05, 2016 Dr.J.G. rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Tehmina Durrani portrays a life with all its contexts - a nation formed on basis of an intolerant creed (and then she claims that democracy took root in India while in Pakistan it did not, as if democracy were a weed that accidentally takes root rather than a creed that needs protection of thought and action in every sphere of life by a nation awake to alternatives and not willing to allow them), a creed that demands much out of women but allows a lot of leeway to males no matter what is suppose ...more
Kubra Mubashshir
must admit to being unable to figure out the calibre of the female populace of pakistan's upper class. They are either sexy dumb sirens like Veena Malik or eloquoent powerful politicians like the late Benazir Bhutoo .

51mBDoTs4tL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_I heard about this book from one of my friends & decided to read it to see how things are in Pakistan w.r.t women rights. But this choice was one of the worst i made in 2015.

The book disgusted, bored, infuriated me in turns. She has written a
Zoya Fateh muhammad
My Feudal Lord, is a book which give us a clear insight that how women experience, face and hide domestic violence in their routine life . The conditions would be more worst for women which are not from elite class.
It's also shows that appearance can be just an illusion of mind, a decent and smart man can turned out as a brutal monster who need no better reason to beat and humiliate his wife.
There are some points in this book which really seems illogical to me. Like, his husband crossed all limi
Ipshita Saxena

My feudal lord is autobiographical work of Tehmina Durrani focusing on her devastating and tormenting matrimonial alliance with “Lion of Punjab”, Mustafa Khar. The book created a up roaring and stumped reaction in the patriarcharial Pakistani audience by unveiling the ruthful and biter story of every household in the society.
Tehmina doesn’t hesitates to disclose the tyrant and pompous side of khar. I think the humiliation and declining self confidence of durrani was not only cuased
Apr 19, 2010 Carmen rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Interesting discovering the hidden story to much of what has happened in Pakistan. While I think that many of Tehmina's problem did come from having a Feudal Lord as a husband, I think that overbearing men and "feudal lords" exist everywhere and it is important as women to educate our daughters in such a way that they have enough respect and confidence in themselves so that they never place themselves in such a situation. Congratulations to Tehmina for finally breaking free
Mah-i-kan Kurd
Feb 21, 2016 Mah-i-kan Kurd rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2016
Damn! This was an amazing read. Tehmina is a very strong woman. I am in awe by her. Shit like this has happens to so many people. It's unfathomable how everyone calls the narration insincere. I know so many people who had lives along these lives but decided to still stay with their husbands because the stigma that follows divorcées.

Although, The author was a bit harsh on her mother, especially with the drawn psychological conclusions, at first. I don't believe even half of all that was true. Se
Maria Mehmood
Okay,,so iv read the book,i liked it,the woman Tehmina Durrani involved in emancipation of woman had a strange life,,i didnt like so many many things she mentioned in the book but they are her thoughts so i cannot say anything.she married Mustafa Khar then chief minister and then governor,,according to her the real power of fuedal lords is actually because of distorted version of Islam that is supported by Mullahs and molvies i agree her in that matter...
Jan 30, 2013 Sobia rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Interesting view of Pakistani politics and patriarchal culture from the point of view of an awesome woman, who survives both and lives to tell the tale.

While the bookcover makes it seem like it's going to be Islamophobic, it's actually not. Tehmina Durrani well understands the difference between and the separation of Islam itself and patriarchal cultures that use Islam to perpetuate their problematic beliefs.
Ayesha U
Aug 03, 2013 Ayesha U rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
My Feudal Lord is Tehmina Durrani's autobiography. The book is mostly about her troubled marriage with politician and landlord Mustafa Khar.

The autobiography is full of juicy details about her violent marriage, Khars penchant for women and of his countless affairs.

It's more of a personal account, have less to do with the political history of the country at that time.
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Tehmina Durrani (Urdu: تہمینہ درانی; born 18 February 1953) is the daughter of a former Governor of State Bank of Pakistan and Managing Director of Pakistan International Airlines, S.U. Durrani and a granddaughter of Nawab Sir Liaqat Hayat Khan, prime minister of Patiala state for eleven years. He was the elder brother of former Punjab Premier Sir Sikandar Hayat Khan. Her first book, My Feudal Lor ...more
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“I found an inner strength to fight for myself. It was clear that nobody else would.” 41 likes
“The lesson was clear and I learned it well: blind acquiescence was necessary to gain approval; being yourself only earned condemnation.” 9 likes
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