Often it's not what you say, but how you say it, that counts. Deborah Tannen, the internationally-acclaimed expert on communication and author of t...
read full description
reviews
Jun 29, 2011
Nena
rated it: 
Reading this book was pretty enlightening for my linguistics course. I must say I saw myself in almost every one of the proposed miscommunication scenarios and that gave me anxiety as well as relief knowing that where the issue lies. After reading the book I am observing language with a new pair of eyes, or shall I say ears. Whenever one thinks of a relationship being destroyed, any type of relationship for that matter, there are always solid “reasons” behind it such as: we just don’t get al
More...
Jun 25, 2011
Molly
rated it: 
I enjoyed this book for its informative, yet entertaining style. Ms. Tannen has a way of writing about a scholarly topic that makes it relevant to people who are not linguists. in particular pt. II that discussed the pauses and intonation hit close to home for me. I think that section was most important to a lot of people because we all come from unique home where pauses and the natural flow of conversations differs. Knowing that you might have to adjust your way of pausing or volume in order fo
More...
Sep 30, 2009
Kate
rated it:
Deborah Tannen is great! She sets out from the very beginning simply intending to increase the awareness in the world about differing conversational styles. That simple awareness, she says, often solves the problems people are having trying to reach one another.
I read this book while dating someone with whom I was having conversational differences, and it was useful to have it as a tool in the toolbox -- to point out to him when he was crossing wires and when I was trying to uncros More...
I read this book while dating someone with whom I was having conversational differences, and it was useful to have it as a tool in the toolbox -- to point out to him when he was crossing wires and when I was trying to uncros More...
Jul 24, 2011
Leslie
rated it:
This book is an excellent complement to Deborah Tannen's other book. It is less about gender, and more about how pacing, volume, and many other stylistic elements of conversation communicate more loudly than our words. These elements can form the basis of unfounded accusations about character if they remain unrecognized. If they are recognized, and at least one conversational partner can exercise stylistic flexibility, then improved communication can occur and peoples' underlying personalities -
More...
0 comments
like
(1 person liked it)
Jan 30, 2012
Sarah
rated it:
Although not scientifically written, surprisingly insightful!
This book is basically about how each person has a different communication style or frame as a result of coming from different cultures with different expectations. The author believes that the majority of people are trying to be "polite" the majority of the time, but because different people in a conversation may have different communication styles, they may interpret the other person as being "rude". She More...
This book is basically about how each person has a different communication style or frame as a result of coming from different cultures with different expectations. The author believes that the majority of people are trying to be "polite" the majority of the time, but because different people in a conversation may have different communication styles, they may interpret the other person as being "rude". She More...
Jun 28, 2011
Cristina1961
rated it:
I read this book when I started grad school years ago. It opened my eyes as to why so much is lost in communication. When people complain, he/she does not know how to communicate and there is that breakdown, such as in a marriage, there are so many considerations to look at, not just he/she is not listening. Interpretation based on background, experiences, culture, religion, etc.....
I had to learn very quickly (and I am not a quick learner) when my husband, who grew up in Venezuela but w More...
I had to learn very quickly (and I am not a quick learner) when my husband, who grew up in Venezuela but w More...
Jan 12, 2012
The philosopher Schopenhauer gave an often-quoted example of porcupines trying to get through a cold winter. They huddle together for warmth, but their sharp quills prick each other, so they pull away. But then they get cold. They have to keep adjusting their closeness and distance to keep from freezing and from getting pricked by their fellow porcupines-- the source of both comfort and pain.
We need to get close to each other to have a sense of community, to feel we're not alone in the wor More...
We need to get close to each other to have a sense of community, to feel we're not alone in the wor More...
Apr 08, 2009
Abby
rated it:
I read parts of this in college and think that it's really applicable to the workplace environment. Just recently finished reading all of it and still think it's applicable to work, AND any other kind of relationships you might have...
I'm just now revisiting my review of this book...and I HAVE to give it 5 stars. I think it is MUST reading for anyone in the world who interacts with any other person. I am often annoyed at particular friends who are "interruptors." You kn More...
I'm just now revisiting my review of this book...and I HAVE to give it 5 stars. I think it is MUST reading for anyone in the world who interacts with any other person. I am often annoyed at particular friends who are "interruptors." You kn More...
Jul 02, 2010
Heather
rated it:
Very insightful. It made me realize what's really happening in conversations and made me think about past conversations I've had when I felt offended or might have offended someone else inadvertently. I really liked the writing style of the author; she was very "friend-like" and never came off as a know-it-all doctor. I definitely recommend this book.
Mar 17, 2009
Charlie
rated it:
This is a book about how people communicate and how, even when using the same language, different people read very different things into a conversation. It had a big effect on me as I had never realised there was quite so many layers to the topic. It is quite readable - not a dry textbook - and very interesting.
Jun 27, 2011
Noofalshahin
rated it:
I enjoyed reading this book. It was an easy read and very easy to relate to. Tannen really makes it easy to relate the examples she describes. I definately recommend it to anyone who is really into communication or interested in why other think, talk, listene and communicate the way they do.
Apr 21, 2009
Kelly
rated it: 
This is the third Tannen book about conversation that I have read. You'd think that it would be boring by now - how much can she say about this anyway? It's just the opposite actually. The more I read her work, the more I take note of what I say and how I say it and how others speak as well.
Feb 25, 2010
Magila
rated it:
really awesome book about communication. deb tannen has a way of explaining your everday breakdowns in communication in a totally understandable way. great book, great author, makes you think while being a generally easy read.
Jul 04, 2009
Elizabeth
rated it: 
A little dated at this point, but with interesting points about how and why communication within personal relationships can become toxic over time. I wish she'd taken more examples from real life, and fewer from fiction.
Jun 16, 2010
Alexasapp
rated it:
I do not usually have the patience to read this sort of book. It turned out to be a collection of common incidents and ideas that put together make a lot of sense. Very practical, it was worthwhile reading.
Sep 22, 2011
Janet
rated it:
Reprint of older title but still highly relevant. Some good insight into why miscommunication happens but not enough tips on how to prevent it or recover from it for me.
Jul 23, 2011
Juliet
rated it:
Interesting. Nothing earth shattering. Maybe it was the mood I was in as I listened to the 60 minute tape (or her voice?) Maybe I've heard this via other means?
Mar 24, 2009
It was a while back that I read this book, but very interesting read for the purpose of learning verbal posture and how people couch meaning in everything.
Jul 12, 2009
Julie H.
rated it:
This book by famed sociolinguist Deborah Tannen considers how many linguistic misfires occur as a result of clashing conversational styles. A must-read!
Jan 04, 2009
Suzanne
rated it:
A bit simplified but easy to read - Deborah analyses how we communicate with one another - how we fail or achieve what we meant to get across.
Jul 23, 2009
Brittany
rated it:
I actually had to read it for a class, but of course the linguist in me loved it! Anyone fascinated with linguistics/communication should read it
May 14, 2009
Matt
rated it:
Another college book I actually enjoyed. This goes under the list of books that engaged couples should read before they get married.
Jul 27, 2011
Nina
rated it:
I enjoyed reading this book. It helped me understand myself and the people around me. I recommend this book to everybody.
May 25, 2009
Deborah Tannen again on communication. Good read for understanding co-worker's and how to get along.
Jan 30, 2012
Karen
rated it:
A good introduction to how differing conversational styles can cause difficulties in relationships.
Jan 13, 2008
Kim
rated it:
This is an excellent, accessible yet intelligent discussion of communication styles and how these differences can often lead to disconnects, misunderstandings, or even hateful spats. The author is a linguistics professor who knows what's up and gives very clear examples of what makes up our communication styles: the cultural influences, gender influences, etc. What I think is most helpful is that she really illustrates just how a seemingly simple miscommunication can snowball into a seemingly hu
More...
Sep 08, 2011
Johanna
rated it:
Although this book was written in 1986, so many of the issues it describes are so relevant: I read this book when I was probably fifteen and now re-reading it just makes me more interested into how we are shaped by our environment and where many conflicts between people arise from... Definitely worth reading.
Dec 14, 2010
Melflowers
rated it:
A great conversational book, I think that this book should be a prerequisite for marriage and relationships!
Nov 15, 2009
Sarah
rated it:
This book suggested that everyone has different speaking styles, but it seemed to keep using the same two over and over - the interrupter and the person who waits a long time to start speaking. It definitely gets the message across, though, that you should pay attention to how others interact with you and react accordingly.
