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You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up
"Can’t a girl dress like a hooker, dance like a stripper, and kiss like a porn star and still be a nineteen-year-old virgin?"
You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again is the laugh-out-loud story of an attractive Los Angeles woman who found herself in the predicament of being an unwilling virgin. As an actress, writer, and stand-up comedienne, Heather McDonald passed up am
...morePaperback, 272 pages
Published
June 8th 2010
by Touchstone
(first published May 20th 2010)
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From Chelsea Lately, writer/comedian Heather McDonald details her life as a privileged, well-to-do woman born into L.A. and pursuing her career goals while remaining a virgin through most of her 20s.
It's a thin premise, and rambling at times, despite the book's brevity. McDonald's sense of humor doesn't always translate well to the page, because it's harder to intuit when she is being self-deprecating or intentionally ridiculous than it is when she is on TV.
McDonald's best contribution is being...more
It's a thin premise, and rambling at times, despite the book's brevity. McDonald's sense of humor doesn't always translate well to the page, because it's harder to intuit when she is being self-deprecating or intentionally ridiculous than it is when she is on TV.
McDonald's best contribution is being...more
This book was written by one of the comedians that is on Chelsea Lately a lot. And while I can't stand the show (or Chelsea) I really enjoyed this book a lot. I liked the way it was written, very conversational-style as well as the topic. While dated a lot, Girl was a virgin until she was like 27. It was a very LA-based book, what with Girl growing up in the Valley and going to school at USC (puke) and of course, staying in LA, trying to make it as an actress/writer/comedian. After a while, the...more
Synopsis: Comedienne Heather McDonald, best known for her appearances on the hit TV show Chelsea Lately, was a virgin until she was 27 years old. Sure she had lots of boyfriends, was a sorority sister, and went on plenty of dates, but the idealistic California girl was holding out for Mr. Right, while simultaneously holding out on everyone else. McDonald recounts her sexless youth and how she finally "gave it up."
Review: I wish I had not read this book and there are two reasons for that. First,...more
Review: I wish I had not read this book and there are two reasons for that. First,...more
Jun 27, 2010
James Burkhalter
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
young women, "Chelsea Lately" fans, anyone looking for a laugh
Shelves:
biographical
What an appropriate title for Heather "LongBoobs" McDonald's new book! I sped through several chapters on Heather's past (sexless) relationships, eager to see exactly how she lost her virginity at age 27, and when the moment of truth finally comes, the entire ordeal is described in ONE MEASLY SENTENCE! Of course, as we all know, Heather ultimately got her happy ending with a loving husband and children, but that part of her life is described in give-or-take 15 pages. As the title promises, I lit...more
I listened to this as an audiobook for two reasons. 1. I found Sarah Colonna's and Chelsea Handler's books of the same milieu entertaining, and 2. I had a very long road trip from New England to Florida, and books that are too literary take my focus off driving, something you don't want through that boring, interminable slog between Washington DC and Jacksonville, Florida. This was perfect for that and served it's purpose well. If you like to laugh and like sex, you will probably be entertained...more
I wanted something quick and funny to read. Written by one of Chelsea Handler's TV-show writers, I figured this would be just the thing. And content-wise, it was. I just had to keep hiding the cover from everyone around me at the airport, and hope no one asked what I was reading. The basis premise of this book is that the author waited until she was 27 years old to lose her virginity. So, she spends chapter after chapter talking about her various boyfriends and hook-ups and the effects of tellin...more
This book was not nearly as funny as I thought it would be. I thought since she was a comedian with Chelsea Handler that it would have some semblance of humor; however, I was wrong. It is not funny. Sure, there are a couple funny one liners, but that's it. All she talks about is being in a sorority at USC and her experiences dating people who wanted to have sex with her, but she held onto her V-Card. When the time did come that she lost her virginity, it was only a small paragraph about it. The...more
You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again is a book chronicling Heather McDonald’s love life through her teens and 20’s. Heather, in a quest to save her virginity until she met someone truly special, wound up a 27 year old virgin known around the LA area for her “blue-balling” techniques.
McDonald, a comedian and Chelsea Lately regular, paints a tale of her frustrated dates, disappointing start in show biz, and real estate mogul aspirations.
The cover for this book is intriguing, and I always lo...more
McDonald, a comedian and Chelsea Lately regular, paints a tale of her frustrated dates, disappointing start in show biz, and real estate mogul aspirations.
The cover for this book is intriguing, and I always lo...more
I really wished this book could have been funnier because I wanted to like it more than I did.
It's the story about comedian Heather McDonald, a writer for Chelsie Lately, and her quest to not give it up until she's met the right guy, which doesn't happen until she's 27 years old. Yet she's in Hollywood and she's a very sexual woman. She just the queen of blue balling.
I think all women could learn from McDonald. I don't think we blue ball enough, personally. McDonald had this impressive ability...more
It's the story about comedian Heather McDonald, a writer for Chelsie Lately, and her quest to not give it up until she's met the right guy, which doesn't happen until she's 27 years old. Yet she's in Hollywood and she's a very sexual woman. She just the queen of blue balling.
I think all women could learn from McDonald. I don't think we blue ball enough, personally. McDonald had this impressive ability...more
You’ll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again: One Woman’s Painfully Funny Quest To Give It Up by Heather McDonald in a word, was, disappointing. I am so sorry to have to tell you this, because not only do I love Heather “Longboobs” McDonald, and love her work on Chelsea Lately, but because I love recommending funny books to my readers, and I can’t say this was a funny book. Trust me, I am as disappointed and shocked as you are.
Don’t get me wrong, this book does have some funny moments, and it has...more
Don’t get me wrong, this book does have some funny moments, and it has...more
After finishing this memoir, I still feel like I don't really "get" the author, and for me, that is essential. I don't have to agree with them, or even really like them, but I have to understand why they would feel and act the way that they did.
When I finished this book, I was still completely perplexed by the authors life choices. I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say that I never felt like there was much introspection or dialogue with the reader about her decisions, and overall the book...more
When I finished this book, I was still completely perplexed by the authors life choices. I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say that I never felt like there was much introspection or dialogue with the reader about her decisions, and overall the book...more
The premise for this book is that Heather was a virgin until she was 27. In Hollywood! While trying to make it as a comic and a writer! This is the story of how she eventually lost her virginity and met the man of her dreams, who eventually became her husband. It's a modern day love story - with a lot of dry humping.
Heather's choices for the stories to tell about men she dated are great - all of the men are different, but none are total cliches, which I kind of expected. None are totally one-dim...more
Heather's choices for the stories to tell about men she dated are great - all of the men are different, but none are total cliches, which I kind of expected. None are totally one-dim...more
This is probably one of the worst books I have ever read. Completed it for a book club discussion otherwise I would not have read to the end. Heather McDonald's story is one of little humor and disorganized thought. The most offensive part of her writing is how she talks about other women, often categorizing them by appearance or by what sorority house they would have belonged to at her alma mater USC. It is extremely immature and lacks any insight which is disappointing considering the age of t...more
I read this book for the sole reason that Heather McDonald is a friend of Chelsea Handler, not to mention a writer on her show. Although it seems this book was an attempt to write in the style of Ms. Handler, the tangents and less interesting stories was a bit of a letdown. If I was asked why I fell this book did not live up to Ms. Handler's books, I would say that Ms. Handler is more willing to be candid and honest, while Ms. McDonald seemed to be holding back.
The charm of Ms. Handler's books...more
The charm of Ms. Handler's books...more
Really between 2 and 3 stars for me. I enjoyed it. Although I have the feeling if you asked me about it next week I might be hard pressed to tell you that much about it. While working it out though, it was an enjoyable and quick read. She's pretty funny. Her writing is, even though it feels as if she's continually setting up her own jokes, funny. You got to give it up (see what I did there, aren't I fucking clever!) for a girl who doesn't lose her V until she's 27.
**This is also My Lovely Bride...more
**This is also My Lovely Bride...more
After reading Chelsea Handler's books I moved on to Heather McDonald, who is a writer on Chelsea's show. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It wasn't in the same caliber of humor as Chelsea's, but I nevertheless enjoyed this book. I grew up in Southern California and enjoyed remembering those same places Heather described in her book I used to frequent or was familiar with. I'll give her credit, it's almost impossible to be a virgin past 20 in L.A., but she managed to do it. I have to give credit w...more
Please see my site The Well-Read Wife for more reviews.
Before this summer, I had never heard of Heather McDonald (my cable provider does not provide E!). However, apparently everyone else had. So, every bookstore I entered in the month of June proudly had McDonald’s book (on the cover she is lounging suggestively on top of a pile of blue balls) displayed front and center. I eventually gave in to temptation (unlike Heather, I’ve never been one to resist a blue ball) and purchased a copy.
Heather M...more
Before this summer, I had never heard of Heather McDonald (my cable provider does not provide E!). However, apparently everyone else had. So, every bookstore I entered in the month of June proudly had McDonald’s book (on the cover she is lounging suggestively on top of a pile of blue balls) displayed front and center. I eventually gave in to temptation (unlike Heather, I’ve never been one to resist a blue ball) and purchased a copy.
Heather M...more
What’s a gorgeous, tarted-up, 19-year-old virgin to do in a world of men determined and desperate to relieve her of her little problem or, equally, horrified by it? Heather details in very humorous lines how difficult she found it fending off rich, fabulous men while trying to date and enjoy cuddling, kissing, necking, smooching and dry humping without going all the way. It’s a wry, witty look at an age-old condition that doesn’t get much attention these days.
This book was not as laugh-out-loud funny to me as the Chelsea Handler books, but it was still a funny read. As others have said though, and as weird as it may sound to say, I wish she had spent a little bit more time on when she gave up her virginity. It was kind of blase, and after waiting 27 years, I would have expected a bigger response...or at least more than a paragraph. All in all it was a good read, and another one I can check off my to-be-read list.
Blech. Reading this book was like eating leftovers that have been sitting in the fridge too long... I feel like I need to read something good to get the taste out of my mouth. I picked this up because I wanted something silly and mindless to read when I wasn't feeling well. Now I remember why I don't read vapid books - the dialogue was stilted, the grammar was atrocious, and quite frankly, this lady needs a reality check. Thumbs down.
I don't want to say this was terrible- because I still read it to the end. However, I was a bit disappointed. I was turned off by how quickly one story was not completely unfolded before she jumped into another. Sometimes this style works, but it was seriously very difficult to read when McDonald did this about every fifth line.
I did laugh a few times at small moments--but for the most part I was looking for more.
I did laugh a few times at small moments--but for the most part I was looking for more.
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.
I don't usually read these types of books but I'm glad I did. The subject matter was fun (especially since it's quite common for people to just assume young women "give it up" very quickly or easily). It was pretty funny, and the message I got from it was a nice send off to the added sense of comedy in the book.
Why does anyone compare Heather's book to those of her boss, Chelsea Handler, expressing disappointment that they're not the same? They're two different people!
With that said, I enjoyed this book about as much as I enjoyed Chelsea's books. That is, not much. Not very funny, not very interesting, and an inflated sense of self. Yawn.
Heather is more palatable on Chelsea Lately than she is in print.
With that said, I enjoyed this book about as much as I enjoyed Chelsea's books. That is, not much. Not very funny, not very interesting, and an inflated sense of self. Yawn.
Heather is more palatable on Chelsea Lately than she is in print.
An good read, but not laugh-out-loud funny. Heather comes across as fairly shallow and makes lots of poor dating decisions, which could have been funny, but wasn't really. I found myself saying, 'huh' a lot instead of laughing.
I still enjoyed the books, but it didn't live up to expectations.
I still enjoyed the books, but it didn't live up to expectations.
Well if you don't like very vulgar frank language this isn't the book for you that's for sure.. i picked it up laughing at the back...i didn't really know what i was getting into but it was very funny in a very out there way... not the norm for me but i did enjoy it..lol
This book was terrible. The writing, IMO, was atrocious. I found myself having to re-read paragraphs over and over because I couldn't figure out what I was reading. I should have had this figured out when I read "Lies that Chelsea Handler told me", which was written by friends and family of Chelsea (including Heather McDonald).
I forced myself to pick this book up and read it on several occasions but told myself in the end it was okay to not finish it. I had gotten far enough to know that my opi...more
I forced myself to pick this book up and read it on several occasions but told myself in the end it was okay to not finish it. I had gotten far enough to know that my opi...more
While some of the stories were hysterically funny, I had a really hard time jumping into this book.
In many of the short stories, McDonald simply came across as shallow. I can usually finish a book of this nature in a day or two. This one took me over a month.
In many of the short stories, McDonald simply came across as shallow. I can usually finish a book of this nature in a day or two. This one took me over a month.
I found this book to be funny. Heather writes in the same way that she speaks, which I was fine funny on Chelsea Handler's. I enjoyed when she would get off tangent, it made the book read quicker as well as give my depth into the stories that she was telling.
Dec 19, 2012
Donna Silber
added it
DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT read this book - I wanted to read this just because I love Chelsea Handler and Chelsea Lately and Heather is usually on the show - this book is awful - I couldn't even make it half way through - cant believe this even got published!!
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